"Bella, get out of there!"
I'd rather die.
Ok, perhaps, I was exaggerating a bit, but I was definitely not getting out of this bathroom any time soon. I did not want to see anyone, including Alice.
"You've locked yourself in there for over 3 hours!"
3 hours?
Hmm. That seemed about right. I could barely feel my legs after remaining in the same position for so long.
"You could at least tell me why you are hiding like this!"
Alice wasn't wrong. The problem was I just did not want to talk.
Once I had reached my dorm after leaving that goddamn class, I had run into my room. Feeling the need to be alone, I had locked myself in the bathroom because Alice was busy doing something in our bedroom.
After vomiting my lunch, I had crouched miserably and rested my back against the wall of the shower, my butt resting on my feet, and stared at an invisible point on the door, silently sobbing.
It was pathetic.
So pathetic and so me.
Only I could get myself in situations like this. What the hell was I thinking writing that story? What was I hoping for? That Edward would find it phenomenal and fall into my arms? Pfff. I was just a dreamer. A stupid dreamer without an ounce of self-esteem. I had to think very little of myself to do what I had done. It wasn't boldness. It was madness.
Is that it? Are you done with the self pity? You screwed up, yes, but what about Edward? Do you still think he's perfect or did his theatrics earlier finally open your eyes?
I repressed a shudder. Just the thought of Edward Cullen made the hair on my arms stand on end.
What a jackass! He had made a fool out of me. He was likely gloating and feeling great about himself while I was moping like a loser. Not only had he completely humiliated me in public, but he'd also actually managed to make me cry in front of him. I was so mad at myself for not having been able to hold back those tears, but they were the manifestation of all the anger and all the despair I had felt upon hearing him read my story out loud for all to witness. I think I would have hurt less if he had hit me. God, I had given that story my all! I had certainly taken it far too seriously, but I'd put my everything in it. That story was mine. It could have been ours. How could he not understand how intimate it was?
Of course, he understood. He just wanted to put you back in your place and rid you of all of your foolish fantasies by exposing them to all. Pff. An imbecile.
The worst part was I knew if I saw Edward again, I would not be able to tear his eyes out or lash out at him. I was simply disappointed. So disappointed... Disappointed, miserable, and empty.
I never wanted to see him again. I never wanted to return to his class. I never wanted to run into him in the hallways. I wanted to erase him from my memory.
"Bella, please, you're worrying me. Please at least tell me you're OK. I heard you throw up earlier... Please, Bella, I just want…"
I sighed. Of course Alice was worried about me. Even though I had only known her for a few days, I knew she was kindness personified.
Unlike her stupid brother...
"I'm fine, Alice. Don't worry." I spoke in such a low and hoarse voice I wasn't sure if my friend had heard me.
"I don't believe you. If you were fine, you would get out of there and tell me what's going on."
"I don't want to talk!"
"At least get out of there!"
"No, Alice. I won't."
I had raised my voice. Wasn't I allowed a little privacy? Even if I agreed to talk, what could I possibly tell her? "Alice, your brother is the biggest jerk I've ever met, and my greatest hope is for him to be struck by lightning."? Yeah, right. She was Edward's sister and although I hated him, I couldn't ask her to feel the same way. Since I couldn't let out my rage, I might as well be silent.
"You're so stubborn."
She was one to talk!
I heard her type on her phone's keyboard and a few minutes later, I heard steps in the hallway heading in the direction of our room. Damn it. She hadn't texted Jasper to come and get me out of here, right?
A few seconds later, our bedroom door burst open, and I heard Rosalie's voice along with someone else's I didn't recognize. They seemed to be having a rather intense conversation, and the words "Bella", "fainting", "door", "kick down", and "now" were uttered.
Oh no. NO!
Guessing what was about to happen, I barely had the time to move out of the way before the wooden door flew open. The noise had been so deafening that I had curled up in a ball with my hands covering my ears. I realized I was screaming when the tall, beefy dark-haired man started to shake me gently, asking me if I was OK.
He then started to perform all kinds of incongruous assessments. He tried to check my temperature by placing a hand on my forehead and then on his. He checked my pulse, asked me to open my mouth wide so he could look inside, and made me fold and unfold my legs. He looked panicked, and I could only assume I looked the same.
What in the world is he doing?
Why was this big pile of muscle feeling me up like this?
All it took was a glance at Rosalie and Alice who were standing by the door for me to understand what was happening. Their triumphant smiles were saying it all.
They had led this poor guy to believe that I had locked myself in the bathroom and was having a panic attack or perhaps worse, that I had fainted. They were truly evil!
The poor man was still trying to assess my physical state… and talking to me.
Perhaps you should answer him before he has a heart attack.
"Um, sorry?" was all I managed to get out.
Clearly that was not the right response. At once, he slid an arm underneath my knees and wrapped the other one around my waist before lifting me from the ground. He slowly carried me to my bed and gently put me down, never taking his eyes off me. I had to reassure him before he...
"I'm calling a doctor." He announced.
"No!" I immediately reacted. "No, that is not necessary. I'm fine. Truly. No need to call anyone."
"You don't seem fine. Please let me call a doctor."
"Absolutely not. I feel great." I protested.
Granted, I was internally devastated, but that was no reason to call an ambulance! Fortunately, Alice finally decided to come to my rescue.
"It's ok, Emmett. Don't worry. We'll take care of her now."
Ohhh. So this was Emmett. The hunk Rose wouldn't shut up about. When I glanced at Rosalie, I saw her undressing him with her eyes.
"But Alice, have you seen her? She looks frightening! We need to do something…"
Well, he was charming to say the least.
"Don't worry. Everything is fine. Still, we owe you big time." Alice told him and exchanged a meaningful look with Rose.
"Oh yeah! God knows what would have happened to Bella if you hadn't intervened!" Rose agreed.
Oh really? What could have happened? I guess I could have choked myself to death with a sponge. I could have committed suicide by swallowing my body lotion. I could have stuck my head in the sink and drowned… or even better yet, the shower drain could have sucked me in.
For Christ's sake, I was clumsy, granted, but who were they kidding?
"As a matter of fact, we need to find a way to repay you. Alice, Jasper and myself were planning on going to the movies tonight. Would you like to come with us? On me." Rose offered. I think this was the first time I ever witnessed her lacking confidence.
"You're going to leave Bella here? Alone?" He replied, stupefied.
If I wanted to have a quiet evening by myself, this was the time to speak up.
"Don't worry about me. I have a homework assignment to complete, and I think I'm going to have an early night. I need to get some rest." I attempted to reassure him, feigning enthusiasm.
"Are you sure?" he insisted. "Because I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to you when I was in charge of looking after the students in this dorm."
"Yes, Emmett. I'm sure."
He stared at me for a few moments, seemingly considering.
"So will you go to the movies with us?" Rose asked again.
"Only if we stop to get a milkshake afterwards!" He negotiated with a big smile.
Alice and Rosalie burst out laughing.
"You will never change, Emmett." Alice commented and tapped Emmett on the shoulder.
By her side, Rose was radiating happiness.
"Are you happy?" I finally asked them, aggravated, after Emmett left the room.
"Very." Rosalie replied with a satisfied expression.
"Bella, locking yourself up in a bathroom is no way to fix your problems. Now, talking to your friends however..." Alice incited.
"Alice, just because you forced me out of there doesn't mean I have found the desire to confide in you." I said tersely.
"It's Edward, isn't it?"
I struggled to maintain my composure as moisture gathered in the corner of my eyes at just the mention of his name. Unfortunately, I did not choke back my tears silently enough for it to escape my friends' notice.
"I knew it! What did he do?"
"Nothing. Edward didn't do anything."
Rose chose to intervene.
"Bella, thanks to you, I have a semblance of a date with Emmett tonight." she began half-jokingly. Quickly seeing that I was in no mood to appreciate her humor, she cleared her throat and continued in a more serious tone. "I would like to return the favor and do something for you, so please let me help you, will you?"
Help me? She wanted to help me?! But she couldn't! No one could! Why couldn't they both just leave me digest my public humiliation in peace? Why couldn't they leave me alone? Why did we have to tell each other any and everything just because we were friends? That was not my notion of friendship. As far as I was concerned, friendship meant respecting the needs of your friend, and right now, what I needed was to be alone so I could cry, grieve in peace, scream if I needed to… but the last thing I wanted or needed was to explain myself.
I was unable to contain my anger any longer.
"Damn it! Will you just leave me alone?!
My two friends turned to look at one another, surprised by the aggressiveness of my tone. Tears started to well up in my eyes, again, and this time, I couldn't hold them back.
"You want to know what's wrong? Well, Alice, your jerk of a brother humiliated me. That's what's wrong! He, he… He read my story out loud to the entire class, and I have never felt more stupid in my life. Your brother... Your brother made me feel like a nobody. Like a fool. He made a spectacle out of me… just for his own amusement. I never want to see him again. Never! What he did was horrible, cruel! So you will both excuse me if I did not want to share this with you, but that was my right. All I want right now is to crawl under a hole!"
Alice stared at me with an inquisitive look.
"That's what's got you so upset?" She asked, disbelieving.
I exploded.
"Because you don't think that's enough?!"
"Did he say you were the one who wrote the story?"
"No, but that doesn't change how I feel!" I challenged.
"Well, let's talk about it, Bella. What exactly do you feel for my brother? And don't you dare say nothing because if you didn't feel something for him, you never would have written such a story." Alice declared harshly.
What did I feel for Edward? Hatred? Disgust? A desire to murder him?
"Your brother is an asshole." I stated bluntly.
"You're evading, Bella. Answer me. If you are this upset, there must be a reason. You…" She insisted.
"Are you in love with Edward?" Rosalie cut her off.
"What?! NO!" I immediately replied, outraged.
Rose and Alice shared a look once again. They did not seem convinced.
I couldn't believe it. Yes, I had found Edward incredibly handsome. In fact, in spite of how much he had hurt me, I still found him handsome. But was I in love with him? Absolutely not! That was insane! How could I be in love with him when I didn't even know him? Besides, whatever I may have felt for him had been completely destroyed by what he had just done to me. I certainly did not love Edward Cullen. I hated him! And I never wanted to hear anything this stupid again.
My two friends stared at me for a short while, impassive, their expressions unreadable. My anger towards them slowly subsided. The truth was they hadn't done anything to me. Still, they had to respect the fact that I was hurt and that I felt the need to be alone right now.
"Listen, maybe you feel that I'm overreacting, ok? But to each their sensitivity. I get to be mad. I get to be hurt. I found what Edward did to me humiliating, do you understand? I never considered for a second that he could do such a thing. I wanted him to…" I trailed off.
A sub caught in my throat, preventing me from finishing my sentence. At the sound, Alice's mask of coldness melted and was replaced by a look of sadness in her eyes. She sighed and moved to pull me into a hug.
"Bella…" she started. "I'm sorry for what my brother did. But I am certain he did not mean to hurt you."
I pulled away from her embrace.
"Enough, Alice. You have no idea what Edward meant or did not mean to do. Moreover, I don't care. I don't want to know. I'm done talking about this. I just need a good night's rest. You guys go to the movies like you had planned. Rosalie, I expect you to get things moving with 'Sexy Muscles'. It seems like you're off to a good start with what happened earlier." I encouraged, wiping away my tears, earning a warm smile from Rose.
"Tomorrow, we will get the bathroom door fixed, and then we can forget about this entire episode. I never want to talk about it again. Understood?" I waited for their word.
"Understood." They spoke in unison.
The three of us gathered into a collective hug, and I kissed both of their cheeks.
"Get some rest, dear. Try not to think too much." Rose advised, winking at me before she closed the door, leaving with Alice.
It wouldn't be easy, but I would try.
I randomly picked a book from my small library and settled on my bed. Reading would prevent me from thinking. I only went through a few pages before I fell into a semi-sleep, exhausted by the emotionally intense day I'd had.
Three knocks on the door drew me from my torpor. Glancing at my watch, I noted only half an hour had gone by since my two friends had left. Perhaps Alice had forgotten her keys.
I got out from underneath my sheets and went to open the door. To avoid her getting worried about me again, I plastered the brightest smile on my face before opening the door. My smile faded immediately once I saw the person standing in front of me was not Alice.
It was Edward.
Instinctively, I moved to close the door, but guessing my intention, he stuck his foot in the doorway, preventing me from shutting the door in his face.
"How petulant, Bella. Let me in. We need to talk." he spoke calmly.
Realizing it was pointless to try to stop him, I gave up, heaving a sigh of frustration, and moved out of the way. I turned to head towards my desk, hearing his gentle steps behind me. I was fuming. I turned back to face him.
"And what do we need to talk about, Professor Cullen?" I bitterly asked, crossing my hands across my chest.
"About this." He responded as he took his copy of my short story out of his bag before dropping it loudly on my desk.
"There is nothing to say about it." I firmly said and looked away from him.
"Oh yes, there is." He assured, reaching for my chin to tilt my head back up.
The glare I threw him prompted him to remove his hand from my face as though he had been burned. He sighed.
"Is it really necessary to talk about this?" I wish to delay this conversation, or better yet to avoid it entirely.
"It is if it is causing you to skip my class."
He pinched the bridge of his nose while closing his eyes.
"Why did you leave the seminar earlier?"
"As if you didn't know!" I responded bitingly.
How dare he! I hated people who asked questions they already had the answers to.
"Actually, Bella, I don't. Not at all. I did not understand your reaction. I thought you would be flattered that I chose to read your story among the many others I could have picked."
"Oh Edward, please stop. Enough."
I couldn't believe he was acting so innocent. Mr. Perfect did not want to appear to be mean… It revolted me."
"Stop what?"
"You did not read my story to the whole class to flatter me. You did it to humiliate me!"
He looked flabbergasted.
"Humiliate you?! Why would I want to do such a thing?"
"I don't know!"
"I did not even tell the other students that you were the author!" He tried to defend himself.
"That is irrelevant! That doesn't matter! What matters is I did not write that story so that you could expose it the way you did. It was private, intimate, and you made it public! I did not want anyone to read it!"
Dammit! What was so difficult to understand? Anger had tears welling in my eyes again.
"Except me…" His voice was but a whisper as realization seemed to dawn on him.
I raised my tear-filled eyes to him.
"Isabella… did you write this story for me?" He asked softly, anchoring his penetrating gaze into mine.
Thank you for reading.
Until next time.