It took me over 10 minutes to move after Edward left my room.
"If I had known that I was capable of eliciting such erotic thoughts in your mind, I certainly wouldn't have rejected you that night".
Lord, I was blessed by the Gods.
How could I ever recover from what he had told me?
Unable to calm down, I decided to take a cold shower. Nothing better than ice water to cool my excitement.
Once I had showered, washed my hair, dried it as well as my body, and put on my pajamas, I buried myself under my duvet and started thinking about it all again. I still could not quite believe any of it. Yet, it had been real.
My story had aroused Edward. Or at least, it had sparked his interest towards me, sexually speaking. That thought pleased me more than words could say.
Of its own volition, my mind began to wander, piecing back together how it imagined Edward had reacted to my story.
I envisioned him returning home after a long day of classes. I imagined him taking a quick shower and then getting into bed with my manuscript, intending to read what he probably believed was an ordinary story written by an ordinary student.
I envisioned him frowning when he read the title. I could picture his astonishment and the first stirrings of his arousal. Although he was my professor, Edward was first and foremost a man, and reading such explicit scenes must have excited him.
I bit my lip, imagining Edward devouring the pages of my story in one reading and reaching his peak thanks to the words I had written. The words he had inspired me to write.
I sighed and forced myself not to think about what he had likely done to release his built-up sexual frustration once he had finished reading my story... And perhaps whilst reading it.
Urggghh.
I had to calm down if I didn't want to have to take yet another cold shower. I felt like a pre-teen with raging hormones.
Ahhh. How had the prude and ingenue Isabella Swan gotten here? I was completely devoid of any sexual experience! I mean I had dated a couple of guys, but things had never gone further than a few innocent touches. I remembered an evening when James, a boy I had been seeing, had grazed my nipple with his thumb while we had been making out. I had been so caught off guard I had instinctively punched him in the face. He had run out of my living room so fast he had forgotten his shirt on the couch. He then called me a 'rigid bitch' for the rest of the semester. Charming.
The truth was I had never felt comfortable enough with a guy to allow him to touch me that way. All the boys I had dated had never been in love with me, and I had never been in love with them either. I had honestly only ever dated them to pass the time and seem 'normal' to my peers. I had therefore not been willing to give them something they did not deserve and that I was not ready to give. My longest relationship had lasted 6 days. How could I possibly feel comfortable enough with a man to allow him to touch me so intimately?
I had always wanted to save myself for someone who would be special to me. Someone who would mean something. I did not believe in love at first sight, but still, I hoped somewhere, someone was waiting for me. Deep down, I was a hopeless romantic. I had been waiting for 'the right one'. At least, that's what I'd been telling myself until I'd met Edward… who I barely knew and who somehow had managed to awaken this part of me I never knew was dormant. The memory of his suave voice whispering to me turned me on beyond belief.
"If I had known that I was capable of eliciting such erotic thoughts in your mind, I certainly wouldn't have rejected you that night".
I was totally prepared to do countless, salacious things with him and to him I had never considered before. I knew I would give myself to him without a moment's hesitation if he dared to ask.
Long story short, I had no idea who this Bella was.
I wondered if Edward had known many women in his life. He was very young as well. However, he was also incredibly handsome. His charm and great looks must have conquered the hearts of many women. Yes, he was certainly quite experienced… and knew exactly how to please any woman and give her a toe-curling orgasm.
Urrrrggghhhhhhhhhh.
To my despair, my earlier cold shower seemed to have a short-lasting effect on me. What else could I do to give myself some relief? Go for a run? Read? Sleep?
… Or perhaps please yourself?
Wait WHAT?!
Lord Jesus, had I fully lost my mind? Please myself? I had never done such a thing. I didn't know how to. I had never felt the need to.
It is an effective way to release all that sexual frustration.
No, I definitely could not do such a thing. I couldn't... Could I?
I bit my lower lip again, weighing the pros and cons when I heard some noise emanating from the hallway. The commotion that resulted from Rosalie opening the door, followed shortly by Alice, interrupted my musings and put an end to my internal battle.
Saved by the bell…
It was perfect timing. I had a lot to tell them, and it would distract me from what I'd been considering a few seconds before.
"Goodness gracious, Rose, calm down! It's not that big of a deal!" Alice pleaded, trying to appease Rosalie in vain.
"Not that big of a deal?! No one has ever done this to me, do you understand? No one!"
"It will be alright!"
"Frankly, I doubt it." Rosalie responded sharply.
I cleared my throat to alert them of my presence. They quickly turned their heads in my direction before looking away again and resuming their quarrel.
"Your stupid cousin won't get away with this!" Rosalie warned, seething.
"Don't you think you're overreacting just a bit?"
"Not in the slightest!"
"Hey ladies, I'm here!" I waved my right hand at them, hoping to be included or at least cued into the conversation.
"I am not just anybody, and I am not going to allow a guy to treat me this way!" Rosalie insisted.
"But he didn't do anything!" Alice protested.
"Exactly!" Rosalie said, using her hands for emphasis.
OK, now they were starting to annoy me, acting as though I wasn't there. I wasn't about to dance the Macarena naked to garner their attention.
"Edward was here earlier." I declared, knowing that would pique their interest.
I wasn't wrong. My two friends finally turned to me, wide-eyed and slack-jawed.
"Sorry, what was that?" Alice asked as she got on my bed and straddled me.
"Your brother came here while you guys were at the movies."
My friend let out a piercing scream while Rosalie joined us on the bed.
"Spill!" she urged me on, putting her bad mood aside for the time being.
I then proceeded to tell them all that had happened in detail, and when I repeated Edward's last words before he had left my room, I thought their eyes would fall out of their sockets.
"Oh. My. GOD!" Alice screamed.
"He actually told you that?" Rosalie could not believe it.
I nodded positively and they let out yet another squeal of excitement.
"Well, thank goodness we left you alone!" Alice commented.
"Yes Alice. I have to admit things turned out for the best after all. I had a serious meltdown earlier this afternoon when I thought Edward had intentionally humiliated me, but it turns out he didn't mean to. And I finally have an answer to all of my questions even though some of them were quite embarrassing." I mused, thinking back to my stripping down in front of Edward because he had refused to kiss me.
"You seriously impress me, Bella." Rosalie started. "First, you try to kiss him. Then, you strip in front of him. And finally, you write an actual erotic short story about him and for him." She summarized, her words edged with mirth. "You have an inner slut after all. If Charlie knew…" she shook her head, smiling and bearing a proud expression on her face.
And if he knew what you almost did before your friends came back.
Pffffff.
"Now I understand why your cheeks were so pink when Alice and I returned!"
"Wh - what?!"
Had I spoken too loud?
"Yep! Clearly, Edward's last sentence to you had the desired effect."
"What are you talking about, Rose?"
"Don't play innocent, Bella. You tried to play with his imagination by writing that short story, so he used the same trick on you, And based on the lovely rosy tint coloring your cheeks, he succeeded. I had no idea my brother could be so devious..." Alice chuckled. "I bet a cold shower was in order after he left."
I muttered something incomprehensible beneath my breath, making my friends laugh.
"Unless you found another way to release some tension." Rosalie alluded suggestively.
Her comment made me blush even harder. By the grace of God, Alice diverted the conversation.
"What are you going to do now?"
"I haven't really had the time to think about it. I've barely recovered from what he told me."
"If you want my advice, you can't stop here. Edward is obviously not indifferent to you." Rose began.
"Maybe, but he's my professor!"
"So what? That makes this all even more exciting…"
Rose wasn't wrong. Edward being my professor, the forbidden aspect of our situation... made this all terribly exciting. However, given my propensity to attract the most unfortunate and unthinkable problems, it was probably best for me not to pursue things further.
Even though you want more...
Of course I wanted more. Even though I couldn't explain it. It was a real dilemma. On the one side, I had finally obtained the answers to my questions, and that was the original point of me writing that short story. I could choose to be reasonable and just let things be. On the other side, I had actually gotten much more than just answers to my questions. I had a received a rather troubling confession that made me want to pursue my 'investigation' if I could call it that. Ugh. I simply didn't know what to do.
True to themselves, my two friends were convinced I couldn't quit while I was ahead. Alice's argument was that I couldn't turn on her brother like that and then act as though nothing had happened. Rosalie's argument was that I couldn't pass up such an opportunity to, I quote, "fuck such a dream boy". They had then added that having a forbidden relationship was one of the most prevalent fantasies amongst women, and that it was my duty as a woman to see this through on behalf of every woman on earth.
I rolled my eyes at them. Sure thing.
The only thing I knew for sure at this point was that I wanted to take Edward seminar, no matter the status of my relationship with him. No other course was of interest to me (certainly not physical education!), and even if nothing happened between us, I still wanted to take his course. At least I would get to feast my eyes. There was nothing wrong with that, and I was definitely not the only one doing it. Insert Jessica Stanley, president of the Edward Cullen fan club.
I finally opted to wait and see how Edward would behave with me during the next class before I made a decision. That meant I had a full week to consider everything.
"In any case, the moral of the story is that no matter what, trouble always seems to find me. There is no escaping it."
"Oh, believe me, it could be worse." Rosalie muttered.
My friend's face morphed back into the same scowl she was wearing when she'd entered the room a few minutes before. I had been so anxious to confide in them about Edward that I had forgotten to ask them what they had been arguing about when they returned from the movie theater.
"Does that comment have anything to do with the mood you were in when you came back and your argument with Alice?"
"Absolutely!"
"Spill."
"And here we go again…" Alice rolled her eyes.
"You remember how we invited Emmett to join us the movies tonight?"
"How could I forget?" I glanced at the wooden door, savagely broken earlier that afternoon, now resting against a wall.
"Well, it turns out that the jackass completely snubbed me during the movie and during the entire evening actually. First, he insisted that we go watch an action movie even though I suggested a romantic comedy. Then, once at the theater, he declined to sit next to me and chose to go sit in between Jasper and Alice instead. As if that weren't enough, when we went for a drink afterwards, he had under waitressed right in front of my nose! I mean can you believe it?!"
I chuckled softly. A man indifferent to Rosalie Hale's seductive powers. This had to be a first.
"See! You're the only one making a big deal out of this." Alice pointed out.
"It IS a big deal! Guys, you don't understand... I'm really into this guy! I like him. I want him. I WANT HIM!"
OK. Apparently, Emmett's indifference had only grown Rosalie's interest exponentially. Poor Rose. I had never seen her so frustrated. This Emmett character was doing a number on her.
"Well, if you want him, fight for him! Don't give up just because he initially seems uninterested. Make him get to know you..."
"Alice is right. The Rosalie I know would not give up so easily." I encouraged.
My friend stared at us one after the other, seemingly weighing the pros and cons. It was with the look of defiance in her eyes that she announced:
"You're right. I won't give up so easily. I want him, and I'll have him. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have things to do."
She kissed us both on the cheek, stood up and left the room to go God knew where to set God knew what plan in motion…
Thank you for reading.
Until next time.