Chapter 37

It won't take you by surprise when I say I've seen a few people die: it comes with the job. But some of the dead, for some reason, leave a distinct impression. Twenty years passed by and I still remember when Renée took me to a funeral for the first time: I was four and she couldn't find anyone to watch over me for a few hours. Adding to that, at the time, she thought it was progressive to show her child every aspect of life. The deceased was a distant cousin, whose name got lost somewhere in my memory. She was a 43-year-old woman who died from a car crash. Getting yourself killed after a car accident wasn't a surprising outcome or much of a novelty in the 80s when it was unusual to wear a seatbelt. I recall thinking she looked a little pale but otherwise appeared to be sleeping. Everyone asked me how I was coping with it, being so small and already witnessing such a tragedy… I remember a 4-year-old Bella shrugging and thinking somewhat higher of herself for handling what appeared to be a difficult situation with ease. Renée looked proudly at me, her little trooper, and I ate a special ice-cream a reward.

The image of that woman only came back to me when I hit puberty and began waking up in a cold sweat: it was then that the knowledge of my finite condition hit me. All of a sudden, living weighted so much that breathing was nearly impossible. I dreamed of her and construed this illusion that she might want to warn me about the dangers of being alive. Late at night, she whispered in my ears "you're going to die, just like I did" and it frightened the hell out of me. Asking Renée about it gave me little consolation as she barely registered the event.

Fast forward to Med School and my first autopsy. It was surprising that all of a sudden the event of dying became something so ordinary, it ceased to matter. Human nature and body humors became objects of interest, study, and fascination. Consequently, all existentialism was set aside for a while and so was Kierkegaard. But if you're not a complete sociopath, after the curiosity about the unknown is satisfied, and the anatomy and physiology are well understood, other things re-emerge. That's when Camus entered my life and later Sartre. But it was Simone Beauvoir's 'The Blood of Others' that changed me, namely the paradox of how my choices and decisions are perceived and received by those who were objects to them and the weakness of our nature and our professed beliefs. As my life unfolded, I discovered my duplicity and the ambiguity in my values, how my actions were frequently affected more by circumstances and the reign of feelings and not by what should be a solid, rational moral compass that should guide me at all instances. That's how my dad raised me, and I've always made an effort to be the kind person he saw in me and to see the world in black and white as he did.

As Holly laid on the cold floor, run through by a single bullet that wrecked her skull, I evoked the image of my long-gone cousin, wearing a man-made appearance of dignity in her coffin. Her bloodless image still acted, more than twenty years after her death, as an overseer for the gore in my life. That picture, for no reasonable reason, kept me from falling apart.

I reckon it took a few seconds until I snapped out of the spell I was. Alice's cries brought me back down to Earth: she was mumbling incoherent things to herself.

"Mathew, please get Alice, try to calm her down," I managed to say eventually.

"Bella, you're hurt, there's blood in the back of your head," Mathew noted, staring in horror at his bloodied hand, reluctant to let me go.

Trying to look away from my blood, I noticed that the pool of fluid laying around Jonny seemed to be getting bigger like he was still actively losing blood. I stood up, acting up on instinct and training, assessed Jonny's pulse and realized he was still alive. As I put some pressure on the gunshot wound just below his right shoulder, I issued my orders: "call 911! Take Alice away from the room and then call my dad. He'll know what to do."

The 10 minutes it took the ambulance to arrive felt like an hour. I kept praying for Jonny not to die, as it'd make everything so much worse. The paramedics and the police arrived nearly at the same time. Jonny was taken to the hospital, and I eventually agreed to go as well, after I've seen him leave with the paramedics.

"Dr. Swan, can we have a word with you now?" A police officer asked as I sat on my apartment's lounge, staring at the elevator's closing doors while silently praying for my aggressor to survive. Alice was hysterical and had literally to be handed over to John like a sack. I didn't see him coming: all I noticed was the blood smudges on the floor, some of it splattered on the white wall, and Mathew's snow-white face smudged with red. The contrast was ghastly, and it was an image I was unlikely ever to forget.

"Dr. Swan needs to be observed at the hospital. As you can see, she lost a lot of blood. You can talk to her later," someone said.

"I want Mathew to be checked as well," I told them. "Mathew, are you okay?" I tried to get up then but felt dizzy; everything became blurry with the movement. "I think I might need some help getting up," I admitted in defeat, staring up at the officer's face for the first time.

Mathew hurried to my side and helped me get up, even when his hands trembled coarsely. I burst out crying in his arms, moved beyond words by his gentleness. He'd never be the same because of me, and I hated myself for it. There was also a selfish part of me that blamed both Alice and Edward, and I smothered the unconsecrated thought as well as I could.

"I'm so sorry, Mathew," I sobbed clinging to him. Eventually, I noticed him lifting me up into his arms and carrying me to the ambulance. "Don't be, I'm the one who's sorry, I didn't protect you well enough. I should have suspected when Holly asked the pizza boy to come up so late," he murmured to himself. "You have to get into the ambulance now," he tried to untangle my hands away from his shirt.

"Please, it's not your fault. You saved me..." I held to his hand tightly hoping that he'd know that I could never resent him for anything. He kissed tenderly on my forehead shaking his head in disbelief. "Will you please just go and take care of yourself?" He begged.

"Call Greta right away; you will not talk to anyone without a lawyer present." He was about to argue that, but I never gave him a chance. "It's not negotiable." He nodded in agreement then, but I could tell he was not happy about the prospect. He'd thank me later after they probed so hard into his head that he'd say anything just to be left alone. "Another thing, don't tell Alice what happened. Don't let her know how Holly was involved in this. It'll tear her heart apart to know that she was duped by a friend. I don't want to have that on my conscience too."

As the ambulance sped its way to the hospital, I was lulled to sleep by its movement. They must have given me some narcotic, or I maybe it was just the exhaustion because I was out in just a few minutes. When I woke up later, I was already in a Hospital bed, and Angela sat beside me.

"They brought me here?" I asked, looking around recognizing the room instantly. I was in my hospital as a patient. The irony wasn't lost on me.

"They did. I know what happened… I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry, how are you feeling?" Her voice was soft and filled with an undeserved sympathy. Somehow, in my stupidity, I brought this upon myself. Who told her what happened?

"You were out for quite some time, you know? We're all worried about you. You've lost a substantial amount of blood."

"What are you doing here Angela? Weren't you on call?"

"Eric covered for me. He was still here, revising his notes when we heard you were brought over. He was the one who offered; I think he's trying to make up for what he did to you earlier this year." She noticed I frowned when she said that they'd heard about my accident. "Not that anyone knows what happened, only me. John told me that you were attacked and that someone tried to break into your home.

"Not tried, Angie. They succeeded," I sobbed.

"Everything is alright now. John is sitting right outside, waiting for some news. Your dad is coming for you; he's worried sick. So is Edward, by the way. He's been calling me nonstop. I promised him I'd call as soon as you were awake. He was trying to book a flight here, so I promise them I'd stay with you until one of them gets here. Not that I've been much of a company considering you've been unconscious for a few hours."

"I think I woke up briefly when someone asked me to do things, but my memory is fuzzy. Where is Alice? I'm so worried about her."

"She was admitted to our psychiatric ward. She needed to be sedated and is probably still asleep. Right now, you need to worry about yourself, forget about anyone else for a moment. You could have been seriously hurt!" She added like I needed the reminding.

After being so hard on Edward about his lying to Alice, I was about to do the same. She was too frail to cope with the viciousness of life. How would she deal with knowing that she'd been betrayed? The truth was that if not for Holly, she'd never have come back to us. Wasn't that worth something? There was a part of me that rioted against the image of glorifying this woman in death, but what was the alternative? Letting Alice rot in a psychiatric clinic?

The curtain that separated my bed from the others in the observation room was unexpectedly yanked open by my dad. I glanced at the clock nailed on the wall above his head and noticed it was 6 AM.

"Dad, you're here!" I cried. He just came up to me and embraced me tightly. He murmured close to my ears my baby girl; you're ok now repeatedly. He told me how much I frightened him, how he couldn't take it if something happened to me. He begged me to take better care of myself, and if I couldn't do it on my own and then he'd have to do it for me. He then asked me about Edward and his whereabouts and said something about not being able to trust him anymore to protect me.

I reverted to being a little girl and let my dad take care of everything from there. I asked him to put a good word with his colleagues and make sure Mathew was treated fairly. He understood my concern and promised to call in for a few favors at a more suitable time.

All and all, I was lucky considering I only needed a few stitches. My CT scan was clear and aside from a tremendous headache I came out of it unscathed. I was discharged later that day after promising to get back if any new signs or symptoms emerged and vehemently refusing to speak the psychologist. Because my apartment was a crime scene under investigation, my father thought it was prudent to go back with him to Forks.

They decided to keep Alice for at least another night, and I had to plead with my colleagues to be allowed to see her before I went home.

I dressed some old jeans and t-shirt my dad found forgotten in the back of my closet in Forks and managed to clean myself up a bit before sneaking into seeing Alice. It hadn't been easy to clean up the dry blood off my hair. The nauseating, rusty smell of it still lingered in my nostrils even after I purposefully sniffed a bit of ether.

She was restless in her sleep. "Everything is going to be fine, Alice, just sleep now," I told her soothingly. She was laying on her side, and I had to call her name several times and shake her to wake her up. She was drowsy and slurred her words, a clear indication that she had been heavily sedated and that it might take some time for her to be acutely aware of her surroundings.

"Bella?" She murmured, moving her face towards the sound of my voice, but unable to open her eyes and look at me.

"I'm here," I told her gently. "I'm okay. You just rest now, Edward is coming for you," I said trying to reassure her.

"Are you okay? There was so much blood everywhere," she sniffed. "And Holly was there, too. Oh my God, Holly! Where's Holly?" She asked then, her voice coming out clearer.

"I'm sorry, honey. Holly didn't make it," I said evenly.

"He killed her, didn't he? And he tried to kill you as well?" She managed somehow to ask.

"Mathew took him down; we're safe now. You need to rest to make yourself better again."

"Won't you stay here with me, please? I'm afraid to be alone. When I close my eyes, I only see red." She grasped my hand and forced me to sit next to her. Unexpectedly, even though she seemed to be comatose, it took her around half an hour to fall asleep. I was dozing off, still holding her hand, almost falling off a chair I managed to pull to sit next to her when a light tap on my shoulder woke me.

"Your father is waiting for you outside. You should go home now. I was told you lost a lot of blood and you need to rest. I'll stay with her tonight for you… Don't worry," whispered a well-known and hated voice behind me.

"This young man claims to be Alice's brother," explained the nurse who accompanied the last person I expected to see there.

"Stepbrother," I found myself correcting her. "What are you doing here? How did you get here so fast?"

"I'm here to help. I've been in Seattle for a couple of weeks now." He looked at me surmising my reaction before he continued. "I knew she'd come to you eventually," he explained stepping to the empty corridor, apparently waiting to be trailed. I softly detached my hand from Alice's before following him there.

"What are you doing here? You were in London; the paparazzi were going wild with your nightlife!" He was supposed to be in England, damn it. How did he get to the hospital before Edward did?

"News can be deceiving. The pictures in print weren't recent. I just asked for a favor here and there… I needed to get Edward off my back," he explained. "I wanted to find her, to talk to her before he could get to her!"

"I can't let you stay with her…" He couldn't be that obtuse, could he?

"You can barely walk. Go home, take care of yourself. I promise I won't upset her. Quite the opposite, I mean to ask her for forgiveness." He seemed so heartfelt, but I knew how devious he was and didn't trust him.

"How can you not upset her? You're you!" I was addle-brained, so I didn't manage to argue further.

"I'm the man who loves her above everything else," he claimed passionately, "no matter what, that's the absolute truth. I'm the one whom Alice loves regardless of how many times I fuck up because she knows me... She's seen all the wretchedness inside - she's seen it, sensed it, tasted it even, and she still loved me through it. Why do you think she ran? Not from me as I'd never hurt her again in any way."

"I don't trust you around her. You are the reason she ran away. Indirectly, you're the reason we're all here: if not for the mess you made, we'd be all having a drink at More Park," I accused. I wanted to lash out at anyone… In my mind, I slapped him countless times until his face was swollen beyond recognition.

"I'm not going anywhere; I can't stand the thought that she's going to wake up alone."

"She won't be alone. I'll stay here," I stated stubbornly. I didn't want her to be alone either.

"You can't stay here all day and night: you're exhausted. I called Edward as soon as I knew that something wrong happened. I was informed that you and Alice were brought here in an ambulance. If you must know," he told me unapologetically, "I hired someone to keep an eye on you two. My brother explained me the situation, and I said I'd come as soon as possible. I think he was relieved so, as usual, you're overreacting. Besides, now is not the time for this; it's not like I'm going to jump on her here, am I?" He could tell he wasn't convincing me because I kept staring at him mutinously. "It was a mistake," he sighed, "I mean… I made a mistake and miscalculated how she'd react. I was angry… and frustrated. Alice was so distraught she confused things," he said, "yet again!" He added with exasperation. "I know you'll never believe me, but I never used force on Alice."

"Don't make me laugh, Jasper!"

"Did you see any bruise, any sign of brutal force used? She was a bit perturbed; I admit that I may have come somewhat strong and frightened her. I want to talk to her about it. I need to tell her that I'm not a rapist!"

"I never accused you of beating her or anything of the sort. But you took advantage of her when she was still a minor" I huffed in defeat. "This isn't about you either," I accused. "I forbid you, even remotely, to touch that issue with her now!"

"Ok, I promise you I won't. I know that now is not the appropriate time to broach this subject and I am aware that this isn't about me…" He looked around, apparently searching for words before de continued. "You know what?! You're a hypocrite; you can't force her to see the world the same way as you do and feel about things the way you feel. We're all fucked up somehow. Edward's a lot worse than me, but you still love him. Haven't you forgiven him the unforgivable? Why can't you let Alice do the same with me if she chooses to do so?"

I eyed him with suspicion. "It's not the same thing. And if I must explain you the difference it just shows me how wrong you are for her," I groaned. "You have to admit that it might be better for her mental and emotional welfare to be with someone else other than you."

It spooked me how much things could get worse by his presence alone. On top of that, I was only starting to digest the unexpected news that he had someone spying on me. Every move I made was monitored by someone.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I instantly picked it up. "Edward, what is Jasper doing here?" I asked without even saying hello.

"He told me he was going to check on you. I just landed in New York, and my flight transfer will take a couple of hours," he rushed to explain "but I will be there as soon as I can." I was speechless. "Bella, are you okay? I called Angela, and she said you were asleep… It was hard to book a flight on such short notice, but I'll be with you as soon as possible. The company jet was in Seattle, and I had to take a commercial flight, that's why I'm taking so long. I'll be there as soon as I can," he sounded frantic.

"Why is Jasper here?" I inquired again.

"He called to know what was going on. I was as surprised as you are, but see this from my point of view," he said warily finally getting the accusation in my tone of voice, "he's family, and he's there. He won't let anything happen to any of you."

Unbelievable, I thought to myself looking away from Jasper; I couldn't stand the spark of victory he was trying to hide from his eyes.

"Fine, I'm going home then," I told him in defeat, focusing on two nurses who were walking towards us, their footsteps echoing in the distance. "Alice isn't doing very well, you know? Just come to her as soon as you land in Seattle because I'm not sure it's in her best interest to be left alone with this kind of family now." He was about to say something else, but I couldn't handle another session of fighting. I just disconnected the call and turned the phone off.

"Don't upset her or I'll make sure you'll never live to see another day," I spat at Jasper.

"Is that a threat?" He sounded amused by the thought, and it infuriated me that he didn't respect me.

"No, it's a promise. Don't fuck with me Jasper: the first impression you had about me was the right one. I'm the heiress of Lord Henry More; how do you think that I got here?" It was mostly bluff, but I had to wipe that smile off his face. It was a small victory, but he saw the warning in my eyes and took it seriously.

I walked away from him and met my dad in the parking lot. I tried to focus on anyone but myself: I was worried about Alice and Mathew. I wondered how Emmett was going to react when he found out about this turnout of events. To occupy my mind, I decided it was best to go to the police station and give my testimony of what has happened as soon as possible. Afterward, I was informed they decided to keep Mathew in custody for as long as they could, and it caused me a fit of rage.

"He's not a criminal," I told my father, "he saved my life!" It came out as childish whining but there wasn't much my dad could do to help Mathew.

"Bella, a woman was killed, and a man is critically ill. Some questions need to be asked. This is the standard procedure; he'll be released soon," he tried to reason.

"This is not fair, why are they treating him like a criminal?" I persevered in my demand.

"As I said, he'll be released soon. That lawyer you hired will make sure of it," my dad grumbled mostly to himself, unable to hide his inherent dislike for attorneys. Mathew had the best money could afford. It was the least I could do for him.

Unpredictably, they were quick taking my testimony. I thought it would take the whole day, but I found myself staring at the familiar woods around Forks mid-afternoon. I couldn't go home after what had happened and to be honest, even if I could, I wouldn't. John was having a fit about the security details, but I couldn't be bothered: there would always be someone after me. So, I went with my dad and reversed to the apprehensive girl I was once. I sat in the front seat of his car, staring at the cloudy sky above, dyed by sinuous tree branches dancing their grisly dance. With the car's movement, every image was different and yet the same. It was pointless to run, I knew, but I had nowhere else to go. Such sense of desolation and abandonment took over me that I silently wept the whole trip.

As soon as I got home, I took a long shower. I had to wash my hair twice to get all the dry blood out finally. The process consumed the rest of my strength, so I became frustrated and then angry. After putting on the same old sweat pants I had all day because I just couldn't be bothered, and a t-shirt that looked like swiss cheese, I went downstairs to thank my dad and say goodnight. I found him in the kitchen; the scent of lasagna permeated the air. He had already put on the table, and two beer bottles stood where the glasses should be. The depiction of normalcy was welcome, and I smiled for the first time in the whole day.

"What are you doing, dad?" I asked, surprised but grateful for that simple act of kindness.

"I noticed you hadn't eaten much today. I know I'm hungry… and in the mood for a beer. Pull up a chair, Bella. Let's have some dinner. It's been a while, huh? Just the two of us?"

I nodded and sat opposite to him at the small table by the window. I looked outside, and it was already dark. There was a familiar SUV parked in front of the house.

"You agreed to that, dad?" I asked nodding to the car.

"They'll have a rough night, but it's for your protection. Don't worry about it; I arranged everything with John."

I closed off the shutters before taking a long swig of my beer. It wasn't a favorite of mine, but alcohol in any form would do. We ate quietly for a bit. The food was tasteless, but it still felt invigorating.

"Edward's been calling. Allegedly, his calls are going straight to voicemail every time he tries to contact you," my dad probed.

"That's because I switched my phone off after talking to him. Can we not do this?" I asked petulantly.

"He's driving John crazy calling all of the time. He must be desperate because he even gave a ring to our landline about 20 minutes ago while you were in the shower. Bells, why aren't you talking to him? Can you imagine what's going on through his head right now? Probably the same that went through mine while I was driving to Seattle."

"Dad, this is between him and me. He failed me when I needed him the most."

"It's not like this was his fault…"

"I don't blame him for what happened," I lied because I did. I had to be honest with myself. I didn't want to be reasonable. Holly was in my house because he asked me to. He invited me to go against my better judgment for his sister's benefit, arguing that jealousy was marring my reasoning. Was it wrong of me to feel that way? Yes. Did I care? Not at the time. "Where is he, dad? Do you see him here with me? Where was he when he left that psychopath living in my house?"

"Bells, his sister is still at the hospital…"

"I know, I was dumb enough and offered to stay there with her. But I was dismissed, remember? Edward considered that Jasper was a suitable company for his sister when ultimately he's the one responsible for this mess in the first place. So, no, I don't want to talk to him because nothing good will come out from any conversation we may have in the foreseeable future. I saw a man and a woman being shot in front of me less than 24 hours ago…" My dad flinched at the thought. "I don't feel like being reasonable. I'm tired of the mess Edward brought into my life. I'm sick of questioning everyone's motives to come close to me; I've had enough of being afraid, not just for my safety… but for not being able to know if I'm loved for who I am and not what I've got. You know what? Maybe he is to blame. I don't know. I can't think straight right now. So, no!" I shouted, "I don't want to talk to him. I can't speak to him when I just want to throw the goddam engagement ring in his face, and I know the pathetic woman in me will want to take it back and immediately pick it up from whatever the thing falls over. I don't think I can do this anymore!" There was a significant pause while I regained my breath. I haven't told my dad about the engagement, and it took him a while to process the information as well.

"Okay, I understand." My father said squeezing my hand. "I'm not sure why I'm bothering you, I don't particularly like the guy anyway," he shrugged.

I drank a bit more of my beer before completely changing the subject "you know that Rose started to feel the baby last week? They're not telling me if it's a boy or a girl."

"Yeah, it doesn't matter, either way, it's my first grandchild," Dad stated proudly. He took the hint, so we spoke about that for a while and without realizing it both my plate and bottle were empty.

"Thanks for everything, dad. You are my rock. You know that, right? How much I love you?" My eyes watered at the recognition that I didn't tell him enough. "We never have time for us, do we?"

"No," he agreed. "This year has been crazy."

"Understatement of the year," I mumbled.

"You have to promise me that you'll be more careful from now on. Today I had the worst sense of déjà vu." He was referring to the other episode in England when someone pushed me into a cold river. "How're the investigations in England coming along? We haven't talked about that in a while."

"No new leads for now; I think the police is losing interest. I hired a private detective, but it's hard to find any real evidence. There are a lot of people who would have profited by my premature death."

"That's what bothers me the most. This time, it was some crazy pimp who was trying to get some money out of you. It was a random thing, scary but it's resolved. I don't expect any additional danger will arise from this particular situation. But whatever happened in England is unresolved and we don't even know why it happened. It was before you inherited all that money."

"It was probably someone who was trying to prevent me from getting the inheritance. I don't think that there's any real danger now because since I already inherited it when I die, it'll all go to my descendants. Whoever tried to kill me won't get any profit out of it aside from the risk of being exposed," I reasoned, trying to reassure my father.

"You still have to be more careful. I can't imagine how I'd feel if anything ever happened to you. You're my baby girl; I'm supposed to die before you do, not after. It's just not the way of things." He was so anxious about the possibility of anything happening to me, and I didn't know how to reassure him.

"Why don't we go to bed and get some sleep? It looks like you need it too," I suggested.

"I think I'll sleep better knowing you're at home with me."

He kissed me on the forehead, and I went upstairs as soon as I finished doing the dishes. Only when I laid my head on the pillow did I realize how sore it was. I took a painkiller and drifted off to sleep only to wake up a couple of hours later with a terrible nightmare: I was drowning again in a cold winter night, except this time Edward didn't come to save me.

AN: this is where I think the chapter should end but even I couldn't bear the cliffhanger, so let's continue.

I woke up startled, in that perfect timing, right before I died in my dream. The digital clock on the bedside table said it was 4:05 AM. My head throbbed, and it took me a while to reorient myself. I stood up and went to the kitchen for some water and to take another pill. Maybe that beer wasn't such a good idea after all.

I noticed it was pouring and there was an occasional flash of light followed by thunder, which was not uncommon in Forks. I thought it complemented well my mood and considered going out. I peeked through the shutters, contemplating how crazy I'd look to the security team who sat in front of the house and was startled by a figure jumping out of another car, parked right behind the SUV, walking towards me. I was about to run for my father when I realized it was Edward. Soon after, there was a soft knock on my door.

I considered not open it, but it was puerile since he had already seen me, so I went to the door and unlocked it, pushing it as far it could go and faced him. His shirt was soaked and seemed glued to his skin; he wasn't wearing a jacket; his hair was messy, and his eyes were a little crazed.

Neither of us said anything for a few seconds. We just stared at each other. "I'm mad as hell with you right now, what were you thinking?" He demanded to know, grabbing both of my arms and shaking me, putting an end to the staring contest. "Not answering my phone calls? What were you thinking?" He asked again. "Yell at me if you have to: my plan backfired, and it almost had you killed consequently. Say I'm a brute that doesn't deserve you, that I'm an idiot, that I screwed up bad. That you're disappointed in me, that I failed to protect you; you can say or do anything… I deserve it. But this coldness? How can you just shut me out? Do you know how childish you were?" His hands moved to my face, forcing me to keep my eyes on him, although his hold loosened a bit. "How can you put me through this when you know how much I love you, how much my welfare depends on yours?" My eyes watered and I couldn't say anything: I didn't have the time to prepare myself for this reunion.

"I'm your fiancée for God's sake!" He exhaled soundly and shuddered. "I came here as soon as I could only stopping briefly in Seattle to check on Alice. I was parked outside for over one hour, because I was afraid of disturbing you, that you might be scared if I just knocked on your door in the middle of the night after today's events. When I saw the light in the kitchen, I took it as a sign. I just couldn't wait for tomorrow, I mean for the morning. Please say something," he begged. "I can't bear this."

"I just came to fetch a glass of water because I need to take another painkiller; I was about to go to bed again," I managed to say.

"Maybe you should have stayed in the hospital. How's your head? Angela told me you needed stitches, let me see!" He was palpating my scalp, and it was so tender that I yelp at the slight pressure.

"I'm all right," I told him forcefully stepping away from the door. "Can we talk about this tomorrow? I want to go back to bed."

"Good night, Edward," I heard my dad's rough voice greet him from behind me. "Come inside; you're soaked. Why don't you take off those wet clothes and have a warm shower? It's cold outside, and I'm sure you're tired after your long day," he continued politely. "There are some leftovers from dinner if you want to have a bite."

"Thank you, Chief Swan."

"Ok then," my dad said after a prolonged and awkward silence. "I'll see you tomorrow, kids." He turned around and went back upstairs. The steps creaked underneath his weight, and we stood still waiting for the noise to stop.

"I didn't hear him coming down," I whispered.

"Neither did I. Bella…" Edward cried, "please don't make me go." His face was wet from the rain, but fresh droplets were coming down his face from the corner of his eyes.

"You're making me feel like an ogre," I accused. "I can't stand the thought that I'm making you cry."

"I'm sorry; I'm so sorry... I just needed to make sure you were ok. I'm crying because I feel… relieved, I guess" he sounded as confused as I felt. He exhaled soundly- "I've been holding my breath without realizing it for 24 hours now."

"Edward," I began.

"Don't," he pressed his thumb against my lips quieting me. "Whatever you're going to say, it can wait. For now, I'm content just by knowing that you're unharmed."

I realized that the door was still wide open behind Edward, so I went around him to close it. He used the movement to envelop his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. "Get used to it," he warned. "I'll keep you close from now on."

"Come," I said defeated and pushed him towards the stairs, "let's get you out of those wet clothes and put you in the shower."

He didn't argue and followed me upstairs. I handed him a clean towel and explained the basics of the shower while he stripped. I averted his eyes, uncomfortable with the knowledge that I was the reason they were red and swollen like he spent the whole day smoking pot instead of being on a plane. The contrast of the green of his iris and the blood-stained sclera was staggering, and it made my defenses crumble. It was getting hard to remember why I was angry at him.

"I'm going back to bed now, okay?"

"I'll meet you there in five minutes."

I carefully laid down on my back over the unduly soft mattress, listening to rain, and stared at the circle of light projected on the ceiling by the little lamp on the bedside table. On occasion, there was a little flicker of a shadow passing, probably resulting from some insect flying close to the light bulb. I wondered how long it would take for the small animal to get burned since I knew the lamp would eventually overheat. I snapped and turned off the light on impulse, but the darkness was unwelcoming as well, so I switched it on again. The little flicker re-commenced soon after.

"Darwin's law," I murmured to myself. Edward entered the room at that moment, with the white towel tightly draped around his hips.

"Baby, what did you say?" He asked as he closed the door behind him.

"Nothing."

"I don't have anything to wear; I forgot to bring a change of clean clothes." He seemed perplexed by the thought.

"Where are your clothes? I'll put them in the dryer for tomorrow."

"Don't get up. I left them hanging in bath towel warmer. I think they'll be dry by tomorrow." I felt him moving around before sat on the bed and switched off the light. He immediately pulled me into his embrace and cradled my head with the left hand as my head rested on his chest. I noticed that he kept the towel, probably because I was a bit stiff and uncomfortable to be in his arms like that. But at the same time, I didn't want to be alone either.

"You just saved a life," I murmured absentmindedly and knew he'd never guess what I was talking about. After a few minutes of silence, I confessed into the darkness "I am furious with you."

"I know," he said.

"Not just because of Jasper…" I whispered.

"I know…" my hand traced the light hair below his belly button and he stopped breathing.

"But that was the final straw for me," I explained.

"I…"

"Don't say I know again if you want to keep breathing," I warned.

"Okay, I won't. Can I say that I love you though?"

"No," I sniffed, and he froze. "You can show me..." I slipped my hand beneath his towel and let it linger there. His penis was semi erect already, and I felt it grow harder with every stroke of my hands.

"Bella," he whispered huskily, "your father has a gun and is sleeping in the room in front of us." He paused and moaned as I put a bit more of pressure into my grip. "Besides, you sustained a head injury today. You're not well."

"I'm not. But how can it get worse?" I questioned him as I yanked off my sweat pants and my underwear in the same jerky movement, and tossed them carelessly onto the floor. As soon as I was naked from the waist down, I went up on my knees and straddled him. I ground my hips against him for a while, until it became unbearable to even breathe without having him inside me. I stood up for a bit, just enough to fit him inside me. And I rode him desperately, my hands pushed against his chest for support while he was flattened in my bed. I only realized later that it probably squeaked with the movement. That piece of furniture was built for a chaste young girl, not a crazy lusty woman clinging to a respite in life.

For the moment, I didn't care. I was so out of myself that I forgot about everything else. I lost the ability to stay up for a while, and my orgasm came quickly and with violent spasms. The only thing that kept me from loudly crying out was biting into Edward's shoulder. Afterward, I felt numb and sated, and hovered on top of him, trying to regain my breath.

"Feeling better?" He asked gently.

"Yes," I whispered. I felt his still erect penis twitch inside me at that admission.

"Can you stand up for a bit? Careful, I want to stay inside you," he instructed as he helped me in the awkward movement of sitting up without losing that intimate connection while keeping my legs around his waist. "Put your arms up," he asked as he tugged on my shirt. "I want to feel your skin against mine." His hand came just beneath my left breast and stayed there for a while. "Your heart is beating so fast…" he licked the nipple immediately above it. "Can you kiss me now?" I was astounded by the anxiety in his voice and didn't comply immediately. "Please?" he pleaded.

We kissed slow and profoundly as he twitched again inside me, hinting at the pleasure I had just denied him. "Do you think you can come again like this?" He asked me as his hands urged me to go up and down, while he sat beneath me. With the perspiration, we were almost glued to each other, making it a bit harder to make any high-amplitude movements.

"Yes…"

He kissed me again, as his hands became frenetic and erratic, "please come with me now; I need to feel you contract around me… so good like that, baby; please," he urged as he tilted up his pelvis "this feels so right."

As soon as I felt a second orgasm hit me, lazier this time, he exploded, his muscles were contracted in an extraneous effort while his face seemed contorted in pain as he came silently. He appeared to have stopped breathing for a while, and if not for the tight grip in my buttocks, I would have been worried.

"You'll never, ever will be out of my sight again? Do you hear me? Never. If anything ever happens to you, it would break me. Do you understand?" His voice was rough against my ear, and he held me a bit too tightly in his arms.

"Edward, I..."

"Don't even dare to protest. From now on, we're one. If I must tie you down to myself for you to comply, I will. If I must kidnap you, I will. I promise you this..." Edward said as he kissed me softly on the neck, inhaling our combined scent deeply.

"Promise me what?"

"We're one," he asserted.

As I drifted off to sleep, with my arms and legs tangled with his, just like my feelings were, I heard him say "it´s a miracle your father didn't burst in here to shoot me in the face," he chuckled.

"You never know, he still might," I warned.

"No, I'm marrying his daughter."

AN: I figured this would be a better place to end this chapter. So now that the story is finally unfolding, even though I had an original plan for Alice and Jasper, I'm not sure what's best for them anymore. I've always thought him to be unredeemable. But I've received so many messages asking me to give them a chance that I have a hard time to stick to my original script. That's why it took me so long to get this chapter right; I needed to make it possible to go either way. Do you think that being a canon pairing is what's provoking this confusion? Just let me know and help me decide.