Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS.
September 2013
Ziva's eyes bolted open. She had been asleep too long, let her guard down. Anyone could be approaching and Ziva would have no idea.
She tried to move, only to find herself trapped by somebody's arms. Tony's arms. A sliver of moonlight came through the window, giving just enough light. She wasn't in danger, at least not right now. Her own arm was draped over his torso, and glancing down, Ziva saw that their legs were entangled together, the bed sheets pushed so far down the bed that they were falling off it. The two of them had made love and fallen asleep, wrapped up in each other's arms.
Ziva felt Tony breathing, his chest rising & falling against hers, the heat of his breath against her forehead. He sounded relaxed.
Surprised was not enough to describe how Ziva felt when Tony turned up out of the blue. Blindsided, floored, shocked, overwhelmed would sum it up better. She had a sort of plan and Tony turning up confused Ziva. What she had to do was going to hurt them, break both their hearts more than they already had been.
The pain of heartbreak can be unbearable, sometimes worse than physical pain. It was why Ziva avoided it. Why Tony avoided it as well. He had experienced it so much in his life. Ziva thought that after Somalia nothing could be as bad as the pain she endured during those months but Ray betraying her hurt Ziva more than she was willing to admit.
But her heart had been broken for some time now. Not by any romantic entanglement with a handsome colleague. No, looking back Ziva knew her heart had broken long before Somalia, before NCIS and Ari. It went all the way back to when her beloved Tali died. Tali wasn't supposed to die, not before Ziva. Yet she did and Ziva's heart had broken.
Tony wasn't the problem and had never been the problem. It was him who had helped Ziva start to heal. Last night, he had been so gentle, so attentive and romantic that they had barely moved, just wanting to be as close as they could be to each other, skin to skin touching. They wanted to be together, even if it was for one night.
What would happen when the sun rose, Ziva dreaded. She didn't know what would happen exactly but she knew saying goodbye to Tony would be one of the hardest things she would do. But she needed time and space for herself. Away from NCIS, away from her old life, a world of violence and anger.
Tony had asked for a time frame. In the middle of their heated debate a.k.a an argument, he had asked how long she needed. He had been reluctant to accept that she wasn't coming back to DC with him. But how long did she need - one month, six months, a year?
A year without Tony? Ziva didn't like that, nor did she like the idea of six months without seeing him, but she wasn't sure a month would be long enough. She had made him promise that he wouldn't try to contact her. Perhaps she should take that back, allow some kind of regular contact between them, but Ziva worried if that would keep her tethered to her old life. She needed a clean break from it and everyone attached to it, even if it was only for a short time.
Oh why wasn't there a guide or manual for this kind of thing? An article in a women's magazine perhaps. Why did Ziva have to go into it feeling so blind?
Tony gave another sigh, one of complete relaxation again. The corners of Ziva's mouth went upwards into a tiny smile. He was so handsome, so kind. The best man according to ZIva, though she knew he would protest that.
Shuffling closer to the man she loved, Ziva closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep. They could figure things out in the daylight. Right now they were together. Right now they were happy. Even if it wouldn't last the day.