No, you're not seeing things, this is an actual update. I haven't disappeared or died, I'm still going! Sorry for the delay though, work has been crazy as anything, in fact I only got back from New York on thursday and didn't have time to post this but here I am! Its been so long that I'm actually horrible nervous about updating so please be kind and remember that this is kind of a build up chapter, the drama-drama happens in the next chapter with I promise will be up by wednesday!

I'm dedicating this chapter to everyone who has been kind enough over the last few months to keep PM-ing me and pushing me not to let this story go! You guys are awesome, looking foward to reading all the pretty reviews! Happy reading! xx

Having never been a fan of cemeteries, Allie Dunham found herself virtually tip toeing along the icy path which swerved through St Marks church yard. Slipping on a tuft of frozen grass, she swore a little too loudly, wincing as her usually soft voice echoed sharply around the field .

"Shit," she whispered, bending down to flick what she prayed was a chunk of dried mud off of the toe of her Chanel boot. Rising slowly to her feet once more, she glared at the sight in front of her.

"Don't give me that look, its not like anyone's around to hear it," she half grumbled, half smirked.

As per usual she was left unanswered as she lay down a blanket and sat cross legged in the centre of it, taking a deep breath before lifting her eyes to the sight in front of her.

Frowning as she spotted a wilted rose at the foot of the marble tombstone, Allie reached out and picked it up, turning it slowly in her fingers.

"Guess I should visit more often," she smiled sadly. "Trust you to be messy even when you're dead,"

She let her fingers drift along the tombstone, along the gold lettering and down towards the half faded photo of Lara. Scrapping the ice away from it gently, she was greeted by Lara's smile underneath and instantly felt warm.

"Don't look so happy," Allie snorted. "I think I might be heading for a divorce,"

Silence greeted her and she rolled her eyes, unable to prevent the smile that broke out across her face.

"Alright, so maybe I'm being a little overdramatic, but you weren't there! He was being a complete prick, Lara," she sighed, clasping some grass in her fist and yanking it from the ground. "He was inconsiderate and possessive and…he was just being Pete,"

Pulling her knees up to her chest she rested her forehead against them and groaned.

"Tell me what to do, Lara," she half laughed. "I'm losing it,"

"From where I'm standing sweetheart, I'd say whatever you're losing is already gone,"

The voice was unexpected and forced her gaze away from the tombstone and through the faint mist to where the intruder stood.

Benjamin Ellis was still, aside from Pete obviously, the most handsome man Allie had ever known; even surrounded by gray mist and nervously clutching a bouquet of slightly crumpled flowers he looked as though he ought to have stepped off of a Calvin Klein billboard.

She blinked, slightly taken aback by his presence and cleared her throat twice before speaking.

"I don't usually sit here and rant like a crazy person," Allie blurted, feeling a little embarrassed. "Its just…uh…"

"Believe me, Dunham," the Scotsman smirked taking a step closer. "I am the one person you don't have to explain yourself to,"

Flopping down beside her on the small blanket, he tentatively tucked his bunch of flowers on the grave alongside Allie's, wincing at how meagre his looked in comparison.

"It's the thought that counts, Red," he narrowed his eyes at the tombstone. "Hers might have cost more but yours meant I had to sacrifice my all important pack of Minstrels at the petrol station."

Allie laughed and for just a second pretended that Lara was there laughing along with them.

It faded soon after and she breathed for a moment, watching it mingle with the faint fog in the air before clearing her throat and speaking quietly.

"He's staying at yours, I take it,"

Benjamin sent her a crooked grin and shook his head.

"If by that you mean pacing my living room like a bear with a sore head, then yeah," he snored and ran a hand through his already dishevelled hair. "He wasn't in the chattiest of moods when I let him in so I left him to mope around on his own."

Allie bit her lip and nodded, relieved that he was somewhere safe if nothing else.

"So what happened this time?" the Scotsman raised an eyebrow at her. "Someone after his blood? Matt try and kiss you again?" he narrowed his eyes. "Oh God, its worse…Matt didn't try and kiss Pete, did he?"

Against her will, Allie laughed, rocking back and letting out a howl of laughter as her hair fell into her eyes. She felt Benjamin shaking with laughter next to her and reached out blindly to smack him in the arm.

"Bugger off," she choked out.

"What?" Benjamin shrugged. "Nothing shocks me when it comes to you two these days,"

Sighing loudly, she shrugged back and focused on the grass at her feet.

"Its to do with that American bloke isn't it?"

Allie snapped her head to the side and glared at him.

"Aye aye, don't give me the death stare," he held up his hands. "This is me talking, not Pete. Jesus sweetheart, it doesn't take a genius to work out that Petey Pie ain't exactly jumping for joy about the fact you work with this guy."

"He works with women all the time!" the blonde half shouted. "And I don't complain!"

"Cassie?" Benjamin grimaced. "You're comparing the fact that you work with someone who looks like they should have a 'beach house sold separately' sticker on his arse to the monster of St James hall?"

"Why is he such a threat?" Allie narrowed her eyes. "I mean, does Pete honestly think I'm that shallow that I'd run off with someone just because of how they look?"

"Oh right and the reason you decided to first give Dunham your phone number back in the day was down to his IQ and dazzling conversational skills was it?" he smirked, knowing he'd got her on that one.

"That was different," Allie mumbled.

"Oh really?"

"Yes!" she snapped. "Because I was young and alright, a little horny but more to the point, he got me! There was something about him I wanted to get to know and its always been him! So why can't he bloody trust me?"

"Well I guess that whole Matt thing-…"

"Ben!" Allie snapped angrily.

"What?" he laughed. "I'm just saying you don't have the best luck with yanks,"

"Nathan is a friend." she sighed. "He pretty much kept me sane the whole time I was away from Pete in New York,"

"Allie," Benjamin shook his head, turning slightly so that he was facing her full and meeting her gaze earnestly. "I get where you're coming from, sweetheart, alright, I really do. But you've got to look at this from Pete's view; it isn't that he doesn't trust you, its that he knows he can't trust this bloke. And before you even start, you can't tell me that you haven't noticed the fact he looks at you like you're something to eat."

"So what, you think its okay that Pete's asking me to sacrifice a really important point in my career just to please some erratic belief he's got that a guy I work with wants to…"

"He doesn't want you to sacrifice anything," Benjamin sighed. "He just wants you to understand, to take his side and tell him that he's not crazy."

Allie closed her eyes, trying to control her temper but it was getting harder. Tears burned her eyes and she blinked them back, clamping her teeth together painfully.

"You know what?" she spat. "When are people going to start realising that this relationship…this marriage has been nothing but a one way street?"

Benjamin winced at her harsh tone, swallowing hard but not daring say anything to interrupt.

"When I got pregnant with Poppy, he was in a coma because of a fight over a fucking game, Ben! But I stood by him because I love him. When he insisted carrying on with all this GSE shit, I stood by him…when he would fuck off for days at a time and come back with bruises and broken bones, I stood by him…"

She stood up and pushed her hair out of her eyes, glaring down at him through a sea of tears and mascara.

"When he accused me of cheating on him with Matt, I stood by him and where the fuck has it got me? I'm in a marriage with a man who doesn't trust me enough to leave the house for two days to further my career!"

The last word came out as a scream and she spun around, slamming her fist against the trunk of a nearby tree, ignoring the pain that shot through her wrist as she did so.

"Allie," Benjamin clambered to his feet and reached out to her but she shook her head.

"No," she whispered. "I can't put up with this anymore, Ben. I can't keep being the bad guy every time I want something for me. I've never stopped Pete from doing anything, I've never given him an ultimatum but when it's the other way around."

She shook her head.

"I know he loves me, but…"

The words seemed to get stuck in her throat and for the first time, Allie felt herself panic when she realised that she no longer knew how to finish that sentence.

"I'm sorry for pushing all this on you," she half laughed. "Just…look after him, ok?"

"Allie," Benjamin shook his head as he watched her bend down to scoop up the small blanket, tucking messily under her arm. "He'll come back, ok he's just angry at the moment, if you tell him all this then maybe…"

"Maybe what?" she shrugged. "Maybe we can talk it over and realise that somewhere in between the incessant screaming we can find a compromise?" she snorted. "I know he'll come back, Ben. He always does."

She held her breath for a moment before meeting the young man's eyes and making him shudder at how dead and lost hers seemed in that moment.

"But maybe…maybe this time I won't be there waiting for him."

Dun, dun, DUNNN.... :D please review and please be nice...I haven't updated in a WHILE so I'm delicate!