Willow

by casablancas21

Lily's life was a willow and it bent right to James' wind. (Set in the same universe of 'What's in a name')

12. Chapter 12

Rating warning: this chapter is rated E (explicit), for very mature content!

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Chapter 12: One prize I'd cheat to win

The shrieking sound of the bell going off took Lily out of the stupor she had been for the past hour. She blinked, the scribbled parchment in front of her coming back into focus. She had promised Professor Slughorn at the end of his Christmas party – one she endured with a smile on her face until the very end, gracefully allowing the professor to parade her around his acquaintances, introducing her to former students and current successful professionals that the professor was sure could help Lily on her career path, not only but certainly also out of guilt for the unspeakable things she had done in his bathroom – that she would write to him before Christmas with her original recipe finally finished. Professor Slughorn had been kind enough to extend the deadline, understanding of the turbulence that was Lily's end of term, ensuring her that there was still time for it to be submitted to the second phase of the Libatius Borage programme.

It was three days before Christmas and she wasn't done. And she was starting to get very anxious.

She had written James back and forth since she had arrived in Cokeworth a few days prior, confessing her worries. He wrote back with soothing words and further advices concerning the ingredients, but it was of no use. Lily couldn't help the feeling of agitation brewing inside her.

Especially because she already had a perfectly fine version of an original concoction she could present as her potion idea. She had come up with it somewhere during the last week of term, when she spent her nights away in the library alone, waiting for James to be done with detention. Among dozens of useless books, Lily concocted a cure that had all the right ingredients to lead to a containment of the symptoms of lycanthropy. On the very centre of it laid Aconite.

She refused to accept that that was it. That there was no alternative to the reality that only such a poisonous, expensive plant could help those who suffered with the condition. Lily doubted her recipe would be taken seriously if she used Aconite as her main component, and even if it did, she knew she would never be able to brew it during the second phase. Last but not least, she questioned the utility of a healing potion that was inaccessible to the vast majority of its intended targets who did not have the means to afford such a costly cure.

Ignoring the wrinkled parchment that contained the formulated recipe, which she had safely stashed as soon as she had arrived under cauldrons on her packed closet, Lily sat on her desk, locked in her room, day after day, since she had returned home. She would only come down for dinner and telly time with her parents, late afternoons. Her mum and dad were still working most days and Petunia didn't bother trying to interact with Lily. That's why it was all very strange when the door of her room opened in the middle of a Tuesday morning and through it peeked Petunia.

- Door's for you – she said plainly, not offering any other detail and leaving immediately after.

Lily sighed with the poor communication skills her sister and her seemed to have perfected over the years, but stood up anyway. She descended the stairs to the living room thinking on the last time they had a visitor in the house for her, all those months ago. It had been Cassandra and Lily had opened the door by jumping on her friend, hugging her silly with how much she had missed her.

Part of Lily's heart skipped at the thought, foolishly harbouring hopes that the same person was going to be standing on the other side of the door again.

But it wasn't Cassandra. It was Severus.

Lily doubled back, mouth gaping with the shock of the unexpected visit. She couldn't remember last time they had spoken. She had thought he would try to approach her again after he defended her to Rosier in the Heads' meeting and yet he didn't. And, afterwards, with all the chaos of the last weeks of term, the duel of the seventh-years and her stay in the Hospital Wing -

Her stay in the Hospital Wing.

Lily suddenly remembered what had happened and the following events of that fateful day. Severus fighting next to Mulciber. Severus trying to attack James again with that nasty spell.

She closed her mouth and stared dourly at him.

- Hello, Severus. Can I help you?

She could tell he wavered in face of her biting tone of voice. Not that she had been warm with him in the past year and a half, but her cold words still made an impression on him. He swallowed thickly, pursing his lips.

- I was hoping I could talk to you, Lily.

- About?

- About... everything.

She arched a brow, sceptical.

- I mean, about what happened. At the end of the term.

- You mean when your best mate tried to murder me in front of the entire class and then you fought by his side, defending him for what he'd done?

- He didn't try to murd – Severus started saying before changing tactics. - He's not my best mate, Lily. You are. You are my best friend and you've always been.

Lily had started laughing the moment Severus said 'you are', but she still snorted after he stopped talking.

- You're delusional, Severus. We haven't talked in months, that is not friendship. And, of course, – she added, with a wry smile – friends don't let the other be attacked and left to die.

Severus rolled his eyes.

- Don't be dramatic, Lily. You weren't going to die. The curse Mason used is much more fitting to scare someone off than to actually do much damage.

Lily felt a chill climb up her spine.

- You know what curse he used? - She scoffed. - Was it perhaps one of your lovely creations, Severus? Like the one you used on James in fifth year and tried to do again during the duel?

Severus blinked, caught off guard with Lily's words. She would bet he never would have thought that James, or in reality Sirius, would ever tell her what had happened at the end of fifth year. The next moment, though, his face hardened.

- Yes, I'm sure he told you all about the woes I put him through. I doubt, though, he was man enough to tell you the woes he put me through.

Lily inhaled deeply, holding firmly onto the door next to which she still stood.

- Oh, you mean like saving your life? - Lily's sarcasm dripped from her tongue like honey. She took a moment to enjoy Severus absolutely appalled face, before she continued. - Indeed, he didn't tell me those, he's too loyal a friend for that. Sirius, on the other hand, the person who was actually to blame, told me about it, how he almost got you killed. Because, you know, people make mistake, they fuck up, but then they own up to it and try to do better. - She tilted her head at him. - At least, people that are worth a damn.

His face contorted on a grimace.

- I apologized to you for what I said, Lily, over and over again. Black never apologized to me, not even once. And what he did was far worse and you're still defending him!

- He did what he did after you cursed James, and sent him to the Hospital Wing. I'm not excusing what he did, – Lily rushed to add when Severus opened his mouth to interrupt her – it was horrible and unforgivable. But he was not your friend, and he wanted to get back at you, in his twisted, excessive way. But I was your friend, only trying to be there for you and you humiliated me in front of the entire school.

- And I'm sorry for that! How many times do I have to say it until you give me another chance?

- None. Severus, it doesn't matter how many times you say it, I won't ever give you another chance.

He hurled his hands into fists but Lily was undeterred.

- Because you know what James and Sirius did after the shit that happened in the Whomping Willow? They changed, Severus, they bloody changed. Especially James. He realized how much they had fucked up and he was determined to be a better person after that. - He scoffed at this and Lily felt her blood boil. It had been a long time since she had last bothered talking to Severus, trying to make him see things her way, through her perspective, but the way he dismissed and underestimated James' character prickled her just the wrong way. - And he fucking is. When was the last time you saw him bullying someone? Or duelling anyone who wasn't the Slytherins and, even that, only after being provoked? During all this time that your mates have been insulting Sirius, taking the piss out of him for what happened with his family, how many times have you seen them retaliate? Fucking none, Severus. - He shook his head the entire time, as if refusing the words to enter his thick skull. - You can try to deny it as much as you want, I don't give a damn. I know who my boyfriend is, and that's exactly the reason why I fell in love with him. Because he was capable of change when it was needed, and every day he tries to be better, to do better. And he does. He's the best Head Boy that school could have. Everyone respects him, everyone admires and loves him solely for who he is, and that's something you will never understand!

Lily was panting by the end of her speech. She hadn't plan on getting carried away. She didn't care at all what Severus thought of James or their relationship. She shouldn't be letting him attract her into the trap of discussing their failed friendship. But she just couldn't help it. Like hell she would let anyone talk shit about James.

- It doesn't matter, Severus. I don't care what you think of them. The only thing I can tell you, since it's not already clear enough for you, is that it wasn't just the word. - She sighed. - It wasn't just that day on the lake. It's every day before that and every day ever since. It's you being friends with those who insult me in the corridors, it's you turning a blind eye whenever I need you to step up, it's you fighting next to Mulciber after he attacked me and left me bleeding out on the floor.

- Lily, I did not -

- Save it, Severus. I have no more patience for your lame excuses.

He gulped.

- It's not excuses. The world is not black and white, Lily, you know that. - She did know that. It didn't mean she wanted to live in the grey, though. - They are my housemates, there's nothing I can do to stop them. And you know I never get involved in the duels when you're in the middle of it, remember how I stood immobile when you and Potter fought with them in front of the Muggle Studies showroom? - Lily rolled her eyes at the mention. Really? That's what he was going with? - If I can, I'll avoid it, Lily. For your sake! And remember when I defended you to Rosier in the meeting? And I never called you that word again, and I never -

- Wow, how nice of you, Severus. Thank you so very much for all these mind-blowing things you do just for me.

- Lily, don't be like that, please. I'm trying to talk to you here.

- And I'm trying not to talk to you. Severus, – she looked him square in the eyes – it's over. Whatever friendship we had, it's long gone. And there's no coming back because I just don't want to be friends with you anymore. Simple as that. And you have to understand it. You're not the kind of person I want by my side. - She smiled, sadly. - You're the kind of person I will encounter on the other side, when we are fighting each other in the war.

- Don't say that, Lily, you don't know what -

- I'm done talking to you, Severus. You said you wanted to discuss last term, we have. Your mate hit me from behind, put me in the Hospital Wing for three days, you duelled on his side afterwards. What else?

- I didn't fight on his side, I merely defended myself from -

- Changes nothing.

- And I did come to visit you in the infirmary, but your watchdog was there the whole time so I couldn't come in! - At Lily's puzzled look, he added with a bitter curl of lips – Greengrass.

Lily sighed.

- Alright, that's it. I wish you fine holidays -

- Lily, wait. Please – he begged, dark eyes shining.

- Goodbye, Severus. Merry Christmas.

And she shut the door on his face. The next second, she opened it again.

Severus widened his eyes at the new sight of her.

- One more thing. If you dare to attack James again with one of your blasted dark curses, I'm coming after you myself, do you hear me? - she barked before throwing the door closed once more with a loud bang.

She growled into the living room, feeling bursts of anger trailing up and down her body in waves. Sometimes she wished she'd just use physical violence to relieve the fury she felt inside. She walked around the foyer, instead, pacing back and forth, marching to the kitchen then back to the living room. Finally, she calmed herself enough to manage to make a cup of tea and bring it up to her bedroom. She closed the door, setting the mug on top of the desk before she noticed the white owl standing on the other side of her window.

- Allegra!

She rushed to pet James' owl, noticing she carried a heavy book alongside the expected parchment. Lily reached out for the chocolate-chip cookie she always kept on her drawer to give Allegra, who gladly took the treat as per usual and allowed Lily to remove the objects attached to her. Lily sat down to read the content of the parchment with a smile on her face, anger long gone.

Lily,

I've enlisted the help of the original Potter – I have no idea why I haven't done so earlier, I used to be sharper, you know – and he recommended this book I'm sending via Allegra. It's from Phineas Bourne, but worry not, Dad has assured me it's not as gruesome as Moste Potente Potions. He says it's a rarely used book, but it features many unknown valuable plants and alternative types of potions-making, so it might be helpful to you. I really hope so!

Answering your question, Marlene has indeed written me to confirm she will come next week to visit. Apparently, her brothers are too busy wreaking havoc somewhere in the Philippines, so she will be alone and bored after Christmas and thus prefers to spend her time among us, less boring subjects. She says she will come around the 28th. I was hoping you could come sooner. Have you talked to your parents about it yet?

I miss you, love. Can't wait to see you again.

Good luck with the book, let me know if it helped!

Love,

James

She finished reading the letter and sighed, holding it tight against her chest. It had been only a few days but she already missed James terribly. She fetched quill and ink, and set to write him back.

James,

Thank you so much for the book. I will start reading it immediately, I'm such a nervous wreck today. I can't help the feeling I won't make it. But you gave me some hope, at least, so please thank your father on my behalf.

Nice that Marlene is coming, poor Potter Manor, though. It's not very likely it will survive the holidays with all of us there. Cause, yes, I have talked to my parents last night, and I'm coming on Boxing Day, if that's alright with you. Can't wait to see you either, miss you loads!

And I have so much to tell you. Things have been... interesting today. But you'll hear about it soon enough.

Love,

Lily

She attached the parchment to Allegra's leg, giving her one last cookie before setting her free on the window. She grabbed the book James had sent her, Usus Horticulture in Potions, dragging her fingers slowly over the cover. It looked centuries old. With utmost care, she opened it and browsed through the catalogue of plants and herbs presented there.

She skimmed pages of rich variety of magical and muggle plants, recognizing most of them – tulsi, lavender, moly. Many, though, she had never heard of before. Fetching another chocolate-chip cookie, this time for herself, Lily sat back more comfortably on the chair, James' father's book on her lap. There must be, somewhere buried in those eight hundred pages of ancient herbology, something that could be used for her potion. All she needed was to find a herb that would help the recovering process after a transformation, that could guide Remus through the healing of his body after a full moon, that could -

And there it was.

Nelumbo nucifera.

---

The second she stopped spinning, Lily felt the urge to puke. She forced herself to breathe deeply through her nose and shove the sensation down. It had been too long since she had last apparated, she was losing the skill. When the ground under her finally felt stable, she opened her eyes.

James had given instructions to apparate a few miles down the Potter Manor, as it currently held protective ward spells that prevented non-authorised apparition in the vicinity. Looking around, Lily saw she was in a pathway that seemed to cross some sort of wood. James had told her to walk a mile and a half before taking the left turn on the crossroad ahead. She fastened her magically small rucksack around her shoulders and started walking, listening to her footsteps echo in the silence of the glade.

Lily had just reached the clearing where three tracks emerged, turning to the left as instructed, when she saw it. The largest, most opulent mansion she had ever set her eyes on. It extended for hectares on end, visible even from where Lily stood, miles away. It had two towers, one on each end of it, looming tall as if guarding the property, and connected by a shorter, and wider, extension with countless windows and massive wooden doors. It was built in a Baroque style, rich tones of beige and earthy fawn setting up the manor as the true 10th century architectural relic that it was.

Her breath hitched when she imagined James growing up in such a place.

Lily kept walking, trying to wrap her head around the bizarre difference of upbringing between the two of them. She had often mused in similar fashion whenever she had visited Marlene or Elizabeth, though a rare occasion it had happened before, or when they talked about their childhood. She had always found it outlandish the way rich Purebloods were raised. The concentration of wealth astonished her. She supposed that among muggles the same was also true, but somehow the magical top one-percent gathered even more fortune and power than their muggle counterparts. She felt her knees weak every time she thought about the Sacred Twenty-Eight.

Lost in thought, she marched along the flower-patterned trail that led her straight to the front door of the Potter Manor. She closed her eyes briefly, summoning her Gryffindor courage, and rang the bell. Exactly four seconds later the door opened in a rush of wind.

- Welcome, Miss Evans. Please, come in. May I take your coat?

Lily bit the inside of her cheeks. This is going to be something.

She smiled to the tiny house elf extending his (or her) hands to Lily, warmly gesturing her to come in.

- Hello – she said in the best even voice she could manage. - Thank you.

She stepped in, taking off her forest-green jacket and handing it to the house elf, who also took her rucksack. She thanked him (or her) again before letting her eyes absorb her surroundings.

The entrance hall was so tall Lily could barely see the ceiling above her head. It was completely white, fancy hardwood flooring stretching under her feet. There were two carpeted staircases, weaving elegantly in an inverted U shape, that led to the second story. In the middle of the room, an immense fireplace reigned luxuriously, keeping the whole place warm. And everywhere she looked there were paintings. Of previous Potters, she guessed.

She followed the house elf through the comically colossal corridors, feeling like in some sort of reverie. They walked for what she imagined to be ten full minutes before they arrived at the main living room, where a well-dressed woman sipped on a rose tea-cup while reading the Daily Prophet.

- Madame, our guest has arrived.

The woman raised her eyes in a snap. The next moment, her entire face scrunched in an all-encompassing grin.

- Lily, you're here!

Mrs Potter stood up, rather gracefully for someone her age, and quickly closed the distance with Lily, halting in front of her and clasping both of her hands in hers.

- Hi, Mrs Potter. It's such a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for having me.

One thing Lily knew how to do well was to impress adults. Especially those in position of hierarchy or parents. That's why all teachers loved her without restraints, just like her friends' mums and dads. Similarly, Edgar's mum, whom she had met only once, fleetingly, at the Hogwarts Express when they said goodbye to each other before winter break, wrote to her before their return to the castle, urging her to come visit as soon as possible because she had been just too 'delighted to meet such a fine, young woman', and that was a quote.

They broke up not a fortnight later so Lily never really got to make an impression on Mrs Bones. She, however, had an entire week to make Mrs Potter like her, and she absolutely intended on doing so.

She got off on the right foot.

- Lily, my dear. The pleasure is all mine!

She beckoned Lily to move forward and join her in the long velvet sofa, asking the house elf to bring another cup of tea and round of biscuits.

- You look good, dear. I assume you are entirely recovered from that terrible business at the end of term. Your stay in the Hospital Wing?

- Oh, yes, Mrs Potter – Lily replied hastily, feeling her cheeks burn with the nervousness of having James' mother aware of the disastrous duel of the seventh-years. - I feel perfectly fine.

- That's relieving. We are all now just waiting to hear back from the schoolboard, aren't we? - Mrs Potter eyed Lily and her nervous nod, and apparently decided to drop the subject. - And how was your stay with your family? Were your parents over the moon to have you home again?

- It was great, Mrs Potter, thank you for asking. - Lily gave a light chuckle, glad at the change of topics. - Yes, they were very happy to see me again.

- Do you celebrate Christmas like we do, dear? Or do you have something special for the occasion?

And that's how the rest of the Potter family found Lily sometime later, sitting leisurely on the most comfortable sofa Lily had ever set her bum on, sipping on a third round of Earl Grey, biscuits long finished, discussing the very strange manner certain dates were turned into holidays, while others were completely snubbed or even actively quelled.

- Euphemia?

Lily turned her head to the incomers. Through the large redwood door, a tall older man walked in holding a thick encyclopaedia, followed by a lazy-looking Sirius and a too-handsome-to-look-at James.

She locked eyes with her boyfriend and a replica of the genius grin that had split his mother's face in two enlightened his.

- Lily!

- Well, well, well. Euphemia's been keeping our guest just for herself. It looks to me as if you've been replaced, James dear.

Lily laughed as she stood up to open her arms and catch James' hug. He held her tight, burying his face on her neck.

- Fuck, I've missed you – he whispered in her ear.

- I missed you too – she replied, kissing him briefly on the cheek before taking a step back. She was very aware that James' parents were watching the entire thing and she suddenly felt very self-conscious. She made an effort to take her eyes off James and focus on the older version of him.

- Hello, Mr Potter. How are you? It's a pleasure to finally meet you.

- Hello, Lily. You too, but please call me Fleamont.

She nodded, looking at Sirius next.

- Black.

- Evans.

He gave her a lopsided smile, brows arched.

- Missed me too?

- Terribly.

- That's a girl – he chuckled, enveloping her in a bear hug. She hugged him back, happy to be where she was.

- When did you arrive, love? - James asked, clasping her hand and bringing her back to his side. She was still self-conscious, so she tried to keep a safe distance from him, shifting to stand closer to his mother instead.

- About an hour ago, Mrs Potter?

- Something like that, dear. We were having a lovely time discussing the inner workings of holiday agenda -

- Mum, really? My girlfriend, whom I haven't seen in over a week, finally arrives and you don't think to call me and warn me to the fact?

Mrs Potter just shook her head, waving her hand in the air as if James was an annoying mosquito buzzing on her ears.

- I don't see why I would, I'm sure I won't barely see any of Lily now that you put your eyes on her, so I took the only chance I had to have a proper, nice conversation with the girl. Now, what should we have for dinner? What's your favourite dish, Lily?

- Ehm, you don't need to bother, Mrs Potter. I'm happy with whatever -

- Fried beans – replied James and Sirius in unison, grinning at the echo of their voices. Lily had always assumed they loved hearing themselves talk, she supposed her suspicions were correct.

Mrs Potter smiled too.

- Well, I'm happy to see you all know each other well. Fried beans it is, then. Let me go instruct Ginger, I'll be right back. James, dear?

- Hm? - James absently hummed, eyes stuck in the movement of Lily taking off her sweater. Mrs Potter caught the moment and smirked. Lily blushed.

- Show Lily her room, will you? And then come back down to help set everything. - She started walking away, but looked over her shoulders before she reached the door. - I will come after you if you're not back in fifteen minutes.

Mr Potter laughed deeply at that, sending James an amused look. He proceeded to give Sirius a healthy clap on the back.

- In the mood for another round?

Sirius grinned cheekily.

- I'm always in the mood to win, Fleamont – he replied, winking at Lily and James. The two men turned around and crossed another door Lily hadn't noticed before, that led to a different room that not the one from which Lily came when she first arrived to find Mrs Potter.

- What is in there? - she curiously asked James, pointing at where they disappeared.

- Drawing Room – James replied distractedly, moving to grab Lily's waist. - Come here.

His mouth was on hers before she could do anything. He held her firmly by the hips, pressing her against him and claiming her lips in a hurry. As if she'd been shocked, Lily jumped back.

- James, no. Anybody can walk in.

- I don't care.

He pulled her again, this time with a hand behind her neck to keep her still while he kissed her. Lily fought the feeling of blankness that enfolded her every time his lips met hers, and once again pushed James away.

- James, please. I really want to make a good impression on your parents. We need to behave.

Lily was impressed with herself. She had tried for the past three months to exercise any kind of self-control when it came to James. She had tried, in vain, to resist the absolute urgency she felt every time he so much as looked at her, even more when he touched her and made her crave for more. She had failed over and over, incapable of thinking straight whenever he put his hands on her.

But now, she had managed it. She had fought the familiar path towards complete rendition and put a stop to their overwhelming thirst. She imagined that the thought of James' parents disapproving of her was the only thing stronger than her yearning to have his body.

James sighed, finally removing his hands from her.

- Sorry, love. You're right. Though, you know – he smiled brightly at her – you've already made a good impression. They love you. There's literally nothing to worry about.

Nonetheless, he guided Lily back through the corridors, taking the staircase on the left to the second story, crossing another passageway with long steps. His hands were safely stashed on his pockets the entire time, though he walked close to her, his warmth irradiating irresistibly and making Lily sweat. They passed one, two, three, four doors, then James took another turn before stopping. The door to the right was open and James gestured her to enter.

- This is it.

Lily stepped in, eyeing the spacious room in yellow tones, a gigantic king-size bed in the middle of it, paintings of flowers and landscapes giving it a sort of bucolic air. Lily's rucksack laid atop a sideboard on the corner, her coat neatly hung on a thick rack.

She smiled, turning back to James.

- This is amazing, James. Your house is so beautiful.

He nodded, hand tugging at his hair.

- Thank you for having me – she tried, again.

Once more he just nodded, clearing his throat and looking away.

- Are you okay, baby? - she asked, stepping closer to him and touching his forearm.

- Ah, shit. Well, fuck it.

In one fluid motion, James grabbed Lily and shoved her against the door, while simultaneously clasping her two arms and pinning them above her head by the wrists, body covering her and lips bruising. He kissed her hard and fast, before letting her mouth go, his own pressed on her cheek as his other hand opened Lily's trousers.

- I'm going to take you now, baby. Don't worry, it will be quick.

Quick it was. James' efficient fingers undid her trousers and lowered her knickers, doing his next. He placed a hand under her arse, lifting her in an angle that allowed him to push inside. Lily bit her lips to prevent her from moaning loudly. With precise, practiced movements James thrusted in and out of her, panting on her cheek as he increased the pace. Hooking her left leg around his waist, he brought his hand in between them to rub on her clit. Lily was sure she was going to draw blood from the lip she bit. But, not two minutes before he had started, James groaned on her neck and came inside her, though his fingers never stopped grinding on her. Lily closed her eyes forcefully, throwing her head back and, in no time, she was coming too, James' hand that was locking her arms flying to cover her mouth and squelch her deafening whimper.

He released her mouth and kissed her lazily for a beat before jumping back with a start. He fixed her trousers urgently, ignoring his cum dripping from her and her accompanying protests, before fixing his own and stepping away from her in a rush. Two seconds later, she understood why.

- James, my boy, are you in here? Your mother is looking for you.

Lily sprung away from the door, schooling her features to one of innocence when it cracked open.

- I'm coming, Dad – James said, face remarkably composed despite the obvious double meaning of his words. - I just showed Lily her room, will help her settle and be right there.

Fleamont Potter looked between the two of them, frowning faintly.

- Alright – he said, slowly. He stared at James and Lily for another moment, as if there was something there he couldn't exactly put his finger on, but shrugged and turned around. - Don't take long.

- I definitely won't take long - James replied, face splitting in a wide, dirty grin now that his father had his back to him.

Lily couldn't move. She watched the exchange in stupefaction. She couldn't believe what they had just done. Five seconds longer and James' dad would have caught them outright having sex against a door. So much for her will-power in resisting James because she wanted to impress his parents. She gave in ridiculously easily.

- Oof, that was a close call – James laughed when the door closed behind them, tugging at his hair again. He at least looked sheepish. Lily buried her face on her hands, groaning.

- Urgh, what's wrong with us, James? We have a serious problem of self-control.

He laughed again, bringing her in for a hug.

- We definitely do. But it couldn't be avoided this time, I haven't had you in days! – he bellowed, indignant. - Of course I wouldn't be able to control myself the minute I had you alone. But all good now. - He smirked. - I feel great, how about you?

Lily groaned once more, pushing him away.

- I feel sticky and gross. I'm going to take a bath now and meet you downstairs in five.

- A bath? - repeated James, head tilting in interest.

- Don't even think about it, Potter. You heard your father. And your mother! - She pushed his chest, guiding him towards the door. - They're waiting for you. Now go, leave me alone, you pervert.

He chuckled, taking hold of her wrists again, this time gently, and capturing her lips for one last kiss before finally leaving the room. She locked it, closing her eyes with a deep breath, then marched to the insanely big bathroom to make herself presentable again.

---

- This is lovely, Mrs Potter, thank you for arranging it.

- You're more than welcome, Lily. Do you like it? Or are Hogwarts' fried beans better?

- Not at all, these are divine.

They sat around a long marble table, covered in white linen. Mr and Mrs Potter sat across each other, James and Lily on each of their sides, Sirius proudly taking the seat at the head of the table. Food was delicious and Lily was feeling much better after her warm, cleansing bath.

She still wanted James, though.

Sitting on the opposite side of her, hair as wild as she ever remembered, a greenish-brown jumper that matched flawlessly with his hazel eyes, a crooked grin shooting at her the entire time – James ate his dinner casually, and Lily wanted to jump him.

He looked so much like his parents. Tall and easy-going like his father, beautiful smile and clever like his mother – he was a perfect mix of the wizard and witch that attentively stared at Lily throughout the meal, throwing her question after question, wanting to know every single detail of her life since the day she was born and every opinion she had had ever since. She answered them all, feeling like she had won a prize every time they laughed at her jokes or agreed with her point of view. They were the ones who raised that wonderful boy of hers and she needed them to think she was good enough for him.

- Evans here has an unhealthy obsession with fried beans. She'd eat them every day of her life if you let her.

- Just like James and his cranberry pies, isn't it? - Lily replied to Sirius, winking at James.

Mrs Potter laughed with gusto.

- Then it must be bad, Lily! James practically left my womb asking for cranberries, never seen anything like it. If you yearn for fried beans as much as James does for his pies, I feel for you.

- You shouldn't, Euphemia. Lily and James have way worse addictions at the moment – Sirius retorted, the most obnoxious smirk on his face. Lily choked on her food.

- Oh, my, are you alright, dear? - asked Mr Potter, clapping on Lily's back. She nodded hastily, grabbing the glass of juice in front of her. She mercifully missed the way every person at the table looked at her. She preferred not to know what they were thinking.

- Talking about obsessions, do you two like Quidditch as much as James does, Mr and Mrs Potter? - Lily hurried to change topics. She willed her face to go back to its usual colour, ignoring Sirius' amused laugh, and focusing on paying attention to their answer.

- Oh, yes, we're big Quidditch fans in this house – replied Mr Potter. - Euphemia and I have gone together to every World Cup since we met each other, many, many years ago, and taken James with us since he was five. It's a family hobby.

Lily smiled at the thought of little James sitting on the crowd of a Quidditch game, screaming himself hoarse beside his loving parents.

- Hopefully no longer just a hobby – supplied Mrs Potter with a pointed look at James, who immediately averted his gaze.

Wait, what?

- Well, one can only dream, right, Effie?

Mr and Mrs Potter shared a soft smile. Sirius became strangely interested on his plate.

A beat passed and then Mrs Potter added -

- It doesn't need to be only a dream, though. What do you think, Lily?

Lily was completely lost.

- Sorry?

- Mum, please.

James stared at his mother with a stern look. Euphemia ignored him as she was so skilled to do.

- Have James told you the news already?

- What news?

- Not yet, Mother, obviously. She has just arrived.

Mrs Potter chuckled.

- It doesn't mean you were not in touch this whole time. You've exchanged letters every day since you came back from Hogwarts, you had plenty of occasions to tell her.

James shrugged.

- Well, I haven't. It wasn't that urgent.

- How possibly not? It's your future, James.

- No, it's not.

James had a nonchalant air on him but Lily could tell he was angry. He took a bite off his pork, looking away from his mother.

- James, dear, please don't -

- Effie.

Mr Potter held a hand to squeeze his wife's arm. He shook his head lightly to her, as if telling her to drop the subject.

Lily felt her insides twist uncomfortably. She had no idea what they were talking about but she knew it was something important. Something big that James hadn't shared with her. She lowered her eyes, swallowing down the bitter taste in her mouth. The memory of the days when James didn't tell her things was still too fresh on her mind, she could instantly recall the feelings of insecurity that had plagued her painfully. Were they back there?

- Love.

James' voice brought her attention back to the table and her eyes back to him.

- I was going to tell you. As soon as we had some time for ourselves. - He stretched his hand to hold hers.

- Well, of course you were. That's not the issue here, the issue is -

- Mum.

- What, James? Lily knows you were going to tell her the news eventually. I just hoped that we could talk about it now during dinner, together. Was that such a bad thing to hope?

- No, of course not, Mrs Potter – Lily managed to say, smiling at the older woman, pushing down her inner turmoil.

James sighed.

- You're impossible, Mother. - He threw her a dirty look before focusing on Lily again. - I got a letter before Christmas. From Falmouth Falcons. - To Lily's furrow of brows, he added – The Quidditch team.

Oh.

- They offered me a contract for next year's season.

Lily's eyes popped out, stunned. Mrs Potter beamed next to James.

- It's great news, Lily. They're not the best team in England but they're certainly good enough for someone just starting their career. It's a brilliant opportunity for James.

James seemed to disagree. He rolled his eyes at his mother but didn't say anything.

Lily caught his gaze.

- That's great, James. I'm happy for you. - Why did she feel like somebody had stumped on her chest, though?

James pursed his lips.

- I'm not taking it, Lily. That's why I didn't tell you before in the letters, it could wait until you got here.

- Son, don't be impetuous. You barely gave it any thought. You haven't even heard Lily's opinion about it.

James had opened his mouth to retort but closed it straightaway. He turned his head to Lily.

- Ehm, what do you, uh, think about it? Honestly.

Honestly? She had no idea. Her mind looked more like a jumble of incomprehensible responses. It didn't help that Mr and Mrs Potter stared at her with the sharpest attention since they had sat on the table to eat.

- I think... that you are a great player. And that you love Quidditch more than anything.

- Exactly. See, James, Lily understands it.

- Those are not reason enough to choose a career, Mother – James countered.

Lily frowned.

- Why not? - This made James look at her again. - Why don't you want to accept the contract?

- Because I'm going to be an auror, not a Quidditch player.

- Son. – Mr Potter shook his head, dissatisfied. - Please, like your mother said, don't be hasty. This is a big decision. And you know that becoming an auror nowadays is not a safe path. We have talked about this, you -

Lily wasn't listening anymore.

James wanted to be an auror.

It should have been obvious. Of course James wanted to fight on the frontlines. It made perfect sense to anyone who knew him. It shouldn't come as a shock that he had decided to become an auror so that he could help change the world they lived in from the inside. Exactly like Lily had done too. Chosen for a harder path but the only one that seemed logical in the current context.

And yet...

Lily had never really considered it. Never stopped to ask James what he wanted to do after Hogwarts. They have never talked about their future like this. Perhaps with all the uncertainty and fear about what was coming, they had come to an unspoken agreement with each other to not get into the topic unless they really needed to.

But even if they had never sat down to go through their graduation plans, Lily should have had an idea. It wasn't that surprising.

And yet she sat flabbergasted, looking at the boy in front of her defending himself from parents who tried to convince him to change his mind. Parents who, naturally, did not want that fate for their son. Who much preferred him to become a Quidditch star, safe and sound, than a soldier.

Next to her, Sirius observed the conversation in utter silence. She looked at him and she was certain that he wanted to be an auror too.

- Lily, darling.

She turned her neck to look at Mr Potter.

- What is your opinion on all of this?

- Dad, please, don't involve her in this. - James inhaled deeply. - I really didn't want to have this conversation right now. I was hoping I could tell Lily the news in my own time, in my own way, just the two of us. But you two just had to push me, didn't you?

- James, dear, I'm sorry. That was never my intention, I just wanted -

- Just wanted to meddle, as usual.

- Don't talk to your mother like this.

This was getting out of hand.

- It's okay, Mr and Mrs Potter – Lily intervened before it was too late and they ruined an otherwise lovely dinner so far. - I know you have the best of intentions. I know I'd feel much more at ease if I knew James was safe being a brilliant, famous chaser, as I know he eventually would.

James stared at her with his deep, full eyes.

- Unfortunately, that would be very hypocritical of me, since I, too, want to be an auror. - Would they hate her for standing against them in the debate? Would they not want her as James' girlfriend anymore since she wouldn't be the influence they wanted on their son? She couldn't know and it scared the shit out of her. But she needed to speak up now. - I know that's the last thing any parent would want, I'm sure my parents would absolutely fight me on that if they had any idea of what it meant. But I... I understand James. - She chanced a glance at him before staring back at his parents. - I always wanted to be a potioneer, you know, – at this, she smiled at Mr Potter - I do have a knack for potions. When I was growing up, that was my dream. But the world we live in today doesn't really allow us to follow our dreams as if there weren't more important things at stake. So, I also changed my mind and abandoned my first choice of career. I have decided that, when I graduate, I'm going to pursue a job as an auror too. Hopefully right next to James. - She gave a small smile, arching one eyebrow to the quiet boy at the head of the table. - And Sirius.

She had never said any of that out loud before, except to Cassandra. Her stomach raved wildly when silence followed her words. Mr and Mrs Potter exchanged looks, in wordless conversation with each other. Sirius nodded once, approvingly. James looked at Lily that way she liked the best - as if she was his entire world.

Before she could crumble under his gaze, his parents apparently reached a conclusion.

- You were right, James. I'm sorry I brought up this topic against your will. You should have your time to discuss it at length with Lily and, after you're ready, with us. - Mrs Potter then turned her face to beam at each one of them. - Now, who wants a second round of mushy peas?

They finished their meal in friendly peace, chatting easily about Lily's muggle life before Hogwarts and Sirius' love struggles. James' parents took the news that he was no longer seeing Elizabeth rather harshly.

- Oh, Elizabeth is such a nice girl! I'm so sorry to hear this, Sirius. - Mrs Potter turned to Lily. - She used to come here a lot, you know, especially the past two years. During summer and holidays. Fleamont and I always liked her. We had hoped you two would finally get your affairs in order and decide to be together, darling.

Sirius just shrugged. He obviously hadn't told them the origin behind their irreconcilable differences.

- It is a shame indeed – said Mr Potter. - The best memories we have of summers are the ones when the girls joined the lads here. Marlene McKinnon also came here a lot, you know she is arriving in a couple days, yeah?

- Yes, looking forward to see her again.

- So are we. Remus, too, right, son? - At James confirmation, he nodded satisfied. - Yes, the house needs this kind of energy. It is just a pity you never joined us before. I mean, we are ecstatic that you are here now, Lily, but indeed you should've come sooner.

Lily bit back a giggle, absurdly imagining her visiting the Potter Manor in previous Christmas breaks. It would have been carnage.

- Well, considering Lily couldn't stand the sight of my face up until a few months ago, I doubt it would have been the best idea to invite her over for summer.

Sirius guffawed.

- Ah, yeah, that would've been brilliant. She'd probably just throw you off the Astronomy Tower before you even opened your mouth, mate.

When Lily joined in the laughter, Mrs Potter turned to her.

- So you in fact never liked my son? What changed your mind, dear?

Lily hesitated, uncertain about what she should share.

- I think we both changed a lot – was what she settled on. - We had a lot of growing up to do the past two years and we did that until we met in the middle. And, of course, working as Head students really helped bringing us together.

- Which, in rough translation, means James was a world-class twat until this year, when he finally deflated his head a bit and stopped being the absolute worst.

- Language, Sirius! - squeaked Mrs Potter while Mr Potter laughed boomingly.

- Your words, not mine – replied Lily, raising her hands in surrender. James chuckled, good-humouredly.

After dinner, they moved to a parlour down the corridor from the Dining Hall, where they sat in comfortable armchairs and sofas to finish their drinks. Lily sipped on a delicious chocolate liqueur that Flora, the house elf, had brought her at Mr Potter's request, leaning snuggly under James' arm. They talked for another hour before Mr and Mrs Potter bid them goodnight and retired to their bedroom. Sirius stayed for about thirty minutes, finishing his Dragon Barrel brandy lazily, finally standing up when he couldn't take any more of James' poorly concealed hints for him to leave them.

- Good Godric, Prongs, I'm going already, hold your horses. – He rolled his eyes, waving his hand at them and marching out of the parlour. - You two enjoy your deep, meaningful, boring talk about life and death. Just, please, don't fuck in the sofa. I sit there.

James flipped him off but chuckled together with Lily.

When Sirius' figure disappeared around the corner, he tightened his hold around her shoulder, dropping his head to kiss her neck.

- Sorry that you had to find out the news like that. I really was going to tell you as soon as I got the chance.

Lily nodded, craning her face just enough to nuzzle his lips.

- I know, James. It's okay.

- Yeah, but I noticed you got upset. And I hate seeing you upset. - He sighed. - I just thought it was better to wait for when you were here, then we could talk better about it, with ease.

She nodded again. She didn't hold it against him. She hadn't liked to be in the dark like she was at the dining table, but it wasn't as if James was purposefully hiding something from her. It made sense that he wanted to talk to her about such a sensitive topic in person. They were just unlucky that his mother decided to bring it up within her first hours in the manor.

- I know that. I'm not upset anymore.

She was telling the truth. The uncomfortable feeling that nagged her during dinner had disappeared already. But it had been a sourly reminder of how things could go wrong between them when their communication failed. Despite not being particularly anyone's fault, they needed to work hard to make sure they were always on the same page. Lily didn't want to feel insecure with James ever again.

- Will you tell me a few things, though?

- Hm?

Lily shifted on the sofa, coming out of James' hold and angling her body to face him.

- I'm not upset about it anymore, James. But I feel like there are still a few things I don't know about you. Things I'd like to know. Things that might upset me, someday, if I don't. So I was hoping we could talk about it now.

He assented, forehead creasing slightly.

- Of course. Anything.

She cleared her throat, preparing herself for the task.

- Alright. First of all – she held his gaze – what exactly happened between you and Nuur?

James' throat bobbed, once, jaw stiffening lightly.

- We went to all the same parties for as long as I can remember - he started, returning her gaze. - Shafiq is a known Pureblood family so they were always invited to those events, especially the ones my mum throws for her Ministry colleagues and other affluent people. And, of course, I know her from Hogwarts, so we've always been sort of friends. The same with Marlene and Elizabeth, to be honest.

He crackled his knuckles, looking down to the sofa.

- Nothing never really happened between us until last summer. I mean, – he made a bit of a face – we had flirted before. But we never took it any further than that before last July. And it happened like it always does, – he shrugged – we were drunk and bored at a fancy Pureblood party and we ended up making out. It wasn't supposed to be anything more than that, at least that was never my plan. But then she came along when we travelled to Italy and it sort of...

He trailed off and Lily came to the rescue.

- And it sort of happened.

He pursed his lips. He was clearly not enjoying having that conversation. Neither was Lily but she still wanted to have it.

- Yeah. We only hooked up a few times, very casually. I never had feelings for her, Lily.

- Did she know that? That it was only casual.

- She did. I mean, we never really talked about that. We would just meet up whenever we felt like it, no need to talk anything through. - His left hand weaved through his dark locks. - You know, that's very common among, er, Purebloods. With all the parties and travels and knowing each other since you're kids, people hook up all the time. And it's all very casual, nobody thinks much of it.

And there was the other thing she wanted to know about.

- Will you tell me about it? - At his puzzled look, Lily elaborated – About the way you grew up as a Pureblood. All these – she waved her hands, gesturing randomly at the space in front of him – things you say are common, all these events and hook-ups.

He smiled softly.

- What do you want to know?

She sighed. She wanted to know everything. She wanted him to tell every little thing that had ever happened in his life before her, as if that would build a bridge to reduce the blatant difference in their histories.

- I just... - She struggled to find the words. She noticed that the feeling, the one she had buried away and happily ignored for the past weeks, was slowly coming back, and perhaps it had never truly left her. The feeling that she was small compared to him. She closed her eyes briefly before holding his gaze again. - I just sometimes feel we are so different, James. I have no idea how you have lived your life, apart from the superficial things I learned in our years in Hogwarts, that don't even count because they were mostly wrong and all changed completely for me anyway. - She let her eyes lower to his chin, preferring to focus there instead of on his hazel. - The only Pureblood people I've ever been close with are Marlene and Elizabeth and, even so, I never really entered their world. Sure, I'd listen to their wild tales and the retelling of their amazing Pureblood lives, but I was never a part of it. At least, I never felt like I was.

She hesitated. This was the hard part.

- I think what makes it so difficult for me, of why I can't even begin to fathom how it must have been to grow up the way you did, in this massive house, with so much money and power, in this Pureblood lifestyle, is that... I have nothing outside of Hogwarts. - Her throat closed wretchedly. She fought against the tears and the tremble of her voice. - I realised that when we, eh, when we took some time off of each other. I mean, - she recanted - I kind of always knew that but that was when it really became impossible for me to ignore.

James didn't even blink as she spoke.

- That's why I had the breakdown. It's like I told you, I just felt so small compared to you, to all of you, because when Hogwarts is done and I go back to Cokeworth, there's nothing waiting for me there. Literally, James. I have my parents, of course, but they don't know anything about magic. There's my sister, who won't talk to me anymore. There used to be Severus, actually my only connection between the magical and muggle worlds, and now he's gone as well. So every summer and every holiday, I'd just sit in my room alone, waiting for classes to start again. There were no fancy parties, international trips, romance. Nothing close to the things you were doing at the same time. I'd just be on my own. Away from everything. Just studying. Trying to be good enough. Maybe that's how I shaped so nicely into the perfect Head Girl – she joked, lamely.

James didn't laugh. For obvious reasons.

Lily sighed once more.

- And I know that it doesn't matter. I've settled that with myself already. There's nothing to do, that was my life until now and I can't change it, I'm a Muggleborn and that's it. And I know it doesn't mean I'm less, or that I don't know what to do with my life. I know I'm as good as any Pureblood. - She smiled something small. - It's just that being here now, seeing the house you grew up in, witnessing this life you have that is so monumentally, unspeakably different from mine... I guess I just want you to tell me a little more about it, so maybe I will feel like I'm in fact a part of your world. And that I finally have something outside of Hogwarts to call mine.

Lily had never felt more vulnerable in her life. It was as if she had removed her heart from her chest and placed it on the coffee table in front of them for James to inspect. She forced herself to look into his eyes and wait for whatever he was going to say next.

But she couldn't, because he closed his eyes, hands rubbing his face vigorously.

She waited patiently, body pumping in expectation.

After what it seemed an eternity, he finally looked up.

- I'm sorry we made you feel this way – he said, with a coarse voice. - I wish there was something I could do to change that, but like you said, there isn't. It's just the way the world unjustly spins. But I'm still sorry that you never felt a part of our world. I mean, mine and Marlene's and Elizabeth's. And that you spent your summers and breaks alone. If it were for me, I would have spent every single one of them with you, though – he chuckled humourless – you wouldn't have wanted that at the time. - He reached for her hand, squeezing it tightly. - I'll tell you anything you want to know. Anything that will help you know more about me and my upbringing, despite my fear that it will make you think we're even more different that you originally thought.

Lily noticed a splint of uneasiness in his voice and his eyes were marred with something of alarm, even though she could tell he was trying to hide it.

It was her turn to squeeze his hand.

- It's alright, James. It's not like the other time, I'm not going to ask you for some time off – she replied, smiling lightly, but the way he gulped made her realise that he was feeling anything but light. He looked like he was seriously afraid of the possibility of her breaking up with him again. She sobered up. - I mean it, baby. Don't need to be alarmed. I just want us to talk about things. Even if they are uncomfortable to talk about.

He nodded, eyes never leaving her.

- Okay, love. Let's talk then.

And they did.

He told her first about his parents' struggle to get pregnant, how it took them too many years to make it happen. He told her that, when he finally came along, he was the family's miracle child and, because of that, he was spoiled rotten. He entertained her with all the stories of what he got up to before Hogwarts, and how impressive it was that the house was still standing after all the unbelievable misbehaviour and mischiefs he had carried out before the age of eleven. He explained to her, next, about the Marauders coming to be, about them becoming part of his own family, visiting him whenever they could. Then, when they were teenagers, and the parties and trips began, the Pureblood families coming together to enjoy their lives at the expense of others. He told her about the absurdities, the excess, the meaningless affaires.

He hesitated, though, when it came to his own trysts. But she wasn't going to let him off the hook that easily.

- So how did you lose your virginity in all of this?

His hands shot immediately to his hair. Despite the darkness, she could swear she saw a faint blush colouring his cheeks.

- Ehm, it was, uh, second term of, eh, third year.

Her jaw dropped. She had been scandalized when Elizabeth and Sirius started doing the deed when they were only thirteen. Now James was telling her he was also sexually active at the same age.

- I was fourteen already, though – he rushed to clarify. - It's just that... Sirius was doing it and half of the other Purebloods as well, so I kind of, uh, just jumped in. - Now he was definitely blushing.

- With who? - Lily asked, amused despite herself.

- A muggle girl. A bit older than us. I met her in one of our trips, during Easter, and decided to do it. - He chuckled. - It was terrible.

Lily laughed out loud.

- I swear to you! It was absolutely rubbish. I had no idea what I was doing and she had no patience with me at all. It took me like an hour to come.

They laughed together, Lily perfectly picturing the awkward situation. She couldn't even feel jealous that he had lost his virginity years before her, with some random girl, even though she had lost it with him not that long ago. At least hers had been especial. She had loved every second of it and she wouldn't want it any other way.

- Alright. What else?

- What else what?

She arched a brow that said 'don't try that shit on me'.

- After you lost your virginity, James. Who else did you get involved with? - He made a face at the question, so she added – At least from the people I know. Who have you gone out with in Hogwarts?

His hand was tugging at his hair perpetually.

- Ehm, just a few girls. Some older than us, uh, Claywaithe and Michaels, do you remember them? - Lily widened her eyes, in surprise. The two had been seventh-years when they were fourth and fifth-years. How did he pull that off? She nodded and he kept going. - Most, though, of our year or younger than us, like Charlotte Smith. Er, also Emma and Rebecca.

- Rabon and Edwards?

He nodded, uncomfortable.

- How about from the team? Did you -

- No, never – he replied instantly. - It always seemed a very bad idea to mix the two, and, you know what, we never actually felt like it. Just like with our same-year Gryffindor girls, except of course in Sirius and Elizabeth's case. The rest of us, though, Remus, Peter and I, we never really tried anything, never crossed our minds once, with Marlene or Cassandra.

- What about me? You did try with me in fifth year. - She smirked. - And managed in seventh.

He shrugged.

- That was different. I always fancied the pants off of you. It wasn't just a hook-up, I really wanted to date you. What I'm saying is that we were too close, the Gryffindors, to risk it all just for a casual shag, and the same goes for me with the team. It felt too weird to even think about it.

She sent him a sweet smile, understanding what he meant. Then her smile turned wicked.

- Any Slytherins?

If Lily thought that James looked abashed before, now he was all-around embarrassed. He ducked his head to escape her gaze and she got her answer.

- Oh my god, who?

- Ehm, Misandra Parkinson.

What?

Lily's jaw dropped to the floor.

- What the fuck. You're joking.

- I wish I was. Honestly, I have no idea why I did it. - He paused, wrinkling his nose adorably. - Why we did it.

- We? What do you mean?

He sighed.

- Parkinson decided, somewhere in our fifth year, that she wanted the Marauders. All of us.

Lily blinked.

All of them? No, surely he didn't mean -

- The first was Sirius. Nothing too difficult to achieve. Then, me. Unfortunately, I have to admit it wasn't that difficult either. But, after, she started chasing Remus and he did try to resist for a while. But how long can a fifteen-year-old resist an older girl that wants to have sex with him? I mean... - he smirked – not long.

Lily was speechless.

- The last one was poor Peter. He lost his virginity to her, actually. - At this, he finally laughed, shaking his head with the insanity of what he was telling her.

- I have no words – were Lily's words.

James laughed again, clasping her hands and bringing her closer to him in the sofa.

- I know. We're not proud of this. We pretend it never happened, we have never once mentioned it since fifth year. - He grinned. - And that's it, love. These were basically all the girls I've been with. And, really, there's nothing to tell about them, it was never serious, a couple times and done. - He squeezed her hands. - Is there anything else you want to know?

Lily racked her brain.

- Probably. But I don't remember now. - She squeezed his hand back. - Thanks for telling me everything. I feel better now knowing it.

- Good. Your turn.

- Hm?

He looked shy, wrinkling his nose again.

- Will you tell me about Bones? And Snape.

Oh, that.

Of course.

Lily didn't have a long list of previous hook-ups with which to enlighten James. There were no surprises, no boys he didn't know about. What she did have was two very complicated past relationships to which he had never been privy. It was natural he would want to know it since they were finally getting into the stuff.

So she took a deep breath in and told him about them.

She told him how she'd known Severus since she was nine, when he revealed to her, for the first time, that she was a witch. How he was her best friend and the only person who seemed to understand both worlds - Cokeworth Lily and Hogwarts Lily. She told James about their first years in the castle and how she slowly started to lose Severus to the Slytherins, so slowly that it took her years to finally acknowledge it. That the final straw, that day on the lake, had been indeed the end of their friendship, and that, since then, they haven't even spoken to each other properly.

- He came once to see me at home. You know he lives nearby, yeah? - James nodded and she resumed - During summer before sixth year, he knocked on my door to apologize for what he had said. It didn't change anything, of course, because he didn't change anything. He just promised he wouldn't say it to my face anymore, but he was going to keep being who he was, and hanging out with the same awful people, and I just couldn't turn a blind eye anymore. After that, he never came for me again. - She gave a wry smile. - Until last week.

James startled.

- He came to see you last week?

- Yeah, that's what I meant in the letter, when I said I needed to tell you something.

His eyes widened with the recollection and he prompted her to continue.

- He just showed up in my house without warning. Said he wanted to talk about what happened in the duel. - James' face hardened immediately. - Said he was just defending himself, said he came by to visit me in the Hospital Wing because he cares about me. You know, – Lily rolled her eyes – the same old, same old. Always an excuse.

- What did you tell him?

- Basically, to fuck off – she chuckled. - And to never lay hands on you again.

- What?

- Like, with his fucking dark curses. I know he tried to hit you with it again in the duel, so I told him that if he tried it one more time, I'd personally go after him and duff him up.

James let out a booming laugh, face full of mirth. Then he brought his head forward and bent to her side, catching her mouth swiftly.

- I'd love to see that – he said, tongue doing wonderful things with her lower hip. Lily was about to get very distracted when he pulled back.

- And Bones?

Lily shrugged.

- Really nothing too interesting. After fifth year, I was rattled. Losing Severus and having that horrible fight on the lake in front of everyone, I just needed some form of escape. And Eddie was right there. - She smiled dryly. - It was easy and simple. We were friends and he had always treated me well, so I just... I threw myself on it. Obviously, it didn't work.

- Thank Merlin.

- Yeah – she chuckled at James' interruption. - We didn't match at all. It was four months of me pretending that I wanted him. Then, after Christmas break, I just couldn't do it anymore. So we just broke up. Nothing much to say about it, it wasn't complicated to understand what went wrong. I mean, – she retracted – don't get me wrong. It completely devastated me. It was bloody difficult to admit to myself that I was never going to fall in love with him. I'm not saying it was easy to end things. Just... just that there's not much more to say about it.

James bobbled his head in understanding. He extended an arm to enlace her waist and bring Lily to his side. She rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. They had been talking for hours. She was exhausted. Physically and emotionally.

- It's time to get you to bed, love.

He walked her back to her room, corridors dark and quiet. They were the last ones up. It took them another ten minutes to get to her door, five of which she used to make fun of him for living in such a monstrous house.

- You get used to it – he said, simply. He kissed her softly. - Goodnight, love.

He walked away and she closed the door.

For the second time in only a few days, she reopened the door immediately.

- James?

He turned around when she walked to him and pulled him to her bedroom.

He kissed her ferociously, perching both of his hands under her arse to lift her up, her legs hooking around his waist. He walked them both to her bed, where they fell together in a mess of limbs. He got her promptly naked in impressive twenty seconds, his mouth directly finding the place where she longed for him the most. He sucked on her clit until she screamed. For a second, she worried she would be heard, but then she remembered they were in a mansion and the closest bedroom was too many feet away. When she stopped shivering, James buried himself in her, fucking her mercilessly until he was grunting on her neck.

She fell asleep with him on top of her, crushing her delightfully.

---

Lily woke up with soft lips tracing her back. She stirred a bit, shifting her head more comfortably in the pillow. The lips trailed up the length of her spine, reaching her neck. She hummed, content, when hands joined in the caresses. Light kisses and touches made an up-and-down track on her naked body, eliciting goosebumps on the way. She arched her back and a jolt shot through her when she felt something deliciously hard poke her hip.

- I've never had you in the morning – James said in her ear, gruffy, sleepy voice making Lily instantly wet. He hovered on top of her before lifting her up by the waist. He made her kneel in front of him, as he positioned himself behind her. He grabbed her hands, that she had braced on the bed to support her weight, bringing them to her back and making her face fall heavy into the pillow. He locked her arms behind her with one strong hand, the other gripping her hip and keeping her steady as he thrusted inside her.

Lily bit the pillow in front of her.

That angle was amazing. They had never had sex in that position before. They had only had sex in a bed once, in his dorm after Hogsmeade, and it hadn't been from behind. They usually didn't do it like this - it was difficult to find a comfortable way to do so when the only places they could shag in Hogwarts were the Heads' office and the Prefects' bathroom.

A bed changed everything.

The way James had her locked, unmoving and entirely unable to do anything else except take him, made her body pulsate with arousal. In the angle he was thrusting into her, his cock went deeper than it ever did before, hitting a spot that had Lily crying on the pillow. Unaware, he kept pounding on her roughly, clutching her wrists with a force that hurt. It only stimulated her more. Her whole body was erupting, and she tried to control her breathing, tried to stay present, but it was beyond her. She was completely at his mercy.

James readjusted his position, keeping his strong hold on her arms but letting the hand that was clasping her hip go so he could, instead, yank at her hair and pull her towards him, arching her back until she was half standing in the bed. He pounded once, twice, a new angle that hit Lily even deeper, and she was howling, coming so hard she almost blacked out.

He growled when he realised she had orgasmed, and redoubled his efforts, thrusting harsher and faster, extending the shock of bliss that coursed through Lily's body, until he came with a 'fuck' loud enough to be heard two floors down.

They laid in bed, catching their breaths, James covering Lily's back with his large body.

- Merlin, Lily, – he panted – I've never seen you come like that.

- I've never come like that – she replied, with a breathless chuckle.

- Good to know - he chuckled too in response, burying his head on the crook of her neck.

During a while, the only noise in the bedroom was the sound of their respiration. James brushed the tip of his fingers on her shoulders, painting an invisible drawing on her skin.

- You were wrong, you know – he suddenly said, voice low in her ear. - Last night.

All Lily could do was hum, still recovering from the body-shattering orgasm.

- You said you were as good as any Pureblood. You're not. - He paused but his fingers kept their work. - You're much better. I never met anybody like you, Lily. I can't even put into words, I just – Lily felt his throat bobbing up and down on her neck. - I know it's just me saying it, it's not going to change how you feel about the whole thing or how you have experienced growing up as a Muggleborn, but I still got to say it.

Lily was effectively recovered now, in full alert.

– You can never be small, Lily. All this, this Pureblood shite we talked about last night, the hooking up, the parties and travels, all the spending and showing off, it means fucking nothing. Again, easy for me to say that since I'm a part of it, but I can swear to you, from where I stand, that it doesn't mean shit. - His fingers halted and he squeezed her shoulder briefly. - I've been through all of that, Sirius has, and we are not better for it. We're not happier for it. In fact, it only made us feel worse. You already know what happened with Sirius and his family. It's just all stupid nonsense. But you know what is not? You, love. You're the opposite of all of that, Lily, you're so big. You make my life so much more relevant. I -

He paused again and Lily held her breath on the pillow, hanging onto every word he said.

James inhaled deeply.

- I don't expect you to say anything back to this, you don't need to say anything, really. I just wanted to tell you. - He braced his elbows in the bed to move backward, just enough so he could turn Lily over and meet her eyes. - I think you're the most wonderful thing to ever exist, Lily. I can't even put into words how incredible you are. How strong, and generous, and kind, and brave, and smart, and so, so damn beautiful. - His naked eyes shone with emotion. - I've always fancied you, for most of my years in Hogwarts. I'd watch you from afar and think you were just plain perfect. But I never had you, so it was somewhat easy to ignore all the feelings and keep having a silly crush that allowed me to go on with my life. And, then, suddenly we hooked up in the Common Room, and since the first time I kissed you, literally the second I held you in my arms, it was just... just game over for me. I could never move on from you after that. Not when I finally had you. And, ever since, being with you has, – he gulped – it has just changed my life completely. I've never being happier and I can't imagine my life without you anymore.

He brought his forehead forward to lean against hers, cradling her face with calloused hands and closing his eyes.

- You don't need to say it back, baby, but I just need to tell you how ardently I admire and love you - he whispered. - I love you with all my heart, Lily.

Lily closed her eyes too, tears escaping them painlessly. She felt utterly happy.

- I love you too, James. With all my heart.

With a harsh intake of breath and trembling hands, he held her face close to him for another moment before capturing her mouth for a searing kiss.

He sat back in bed, leaning against the headboard and bringing Lily with him, settling her on top of him. He smoothly lowered her on his erection, holding her tightly against his chest. She rode him slowly, green pinned on the hazel the entire time. He came fast like that, repeating the three loving words over and over and over.

---

- Good morning, darlings. How did you two sleep? - Mrs Potter greeted James and Lily as soon as they stepped in the Breakfast Room, an hour later. They had taken their time in bed, enjoying the warmth of the sheets and of their new shared feeling. When they finally got up and went for a bath, time again eluded them as James decided to press Lily against the cold, marble wall of the shower, get on his knees and make her come with his mouth ('Two for two, it's only fair, love'). By the time they finally took their hands off each other and managed to get dressed, they were fashionably late for breakfast.

- Good morning, Mum.

- Good morning, Mrs Potter. I slept very well, thank you. The bedroom you put me in is very nice and comfortable.

Mrs Potter beamed at the reply, Mr Potter next to her waving friendly at Lily.

They sat around the table, Lily next to Sirius, James promptly grabbing two croissants, three sausages and filling his plate with scrambled eggs. He reached for the coffee pitcher, stuffing a large piece of cheese on his mouth on the way. While he chewed, he wordless offered Lily the coffee, which she gladly accepted, swallowing the food in his mouth and straightaway taking half of one of his croissants in one bite. He filled Lily's mug, grabbing his fork to throw eggs and sausage inside his open trap, and taking a long gulp of his own coffee mug, all in one go.

Everyone at the table stared at him agape.

- Blimey, James. You look like someone who hasn't seen food in two months. - Sirius tilted his head, as a thought occurred to him that made him smile maliciously. - Or someone who heavily exercised and now is starving. Do tell, what type of, eh, sportive activities have you been up to this morning?

Lily had to hide her flush behind her mug, but James just lifted his middle finger to Sirius, not slowing one second down in the inhaling of his food.

- James – called Mrs Potter in warning, but Mr Potter and Sirius only laughed loudly.

Lily was also very hungry, after the many orgasms of the past twelve hours, so she busied herself with the food. They ate mostly in silence, Sirius smirking the entire time and sending Lily knowing looks. After breakfast, Mr Potter took Lily to visit his basement potions lab, while James and Sirius played some Quidditch in their astoundingly large backyard. They met again for lunch, delicious jacked potato with roast.

After lunch, Remus arrived. The boys hugged each other as if they hadn't been together in years, instead of only one week, noisily clapping the other's back and talking excitedly about their plans for the next days. Remus hugged Lily more gently, taking his time to enquire after her Christmas and how her family was doing. They sat in the Drawing Room, afterwards, James and Remus starting a game of Wizard's chess without further ado, Sirius lounging elegantly on the floor in front of the big fireplace, playing with James' snitch.

Lily leaned on the cosy sofa, sitting over her legs, Mr Potter's edition of One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi open on her lap. The wizard had been extremely interested in hearing Lily talk more about the Libatius Borage programme and how the book he had sent her had helped, even though she hadn't told him with all the words exactly what her original concoction was. He insisted that she took a few of his potions books back with her to Hogwarts, to help her in the second phase of the programme.

- So, have you finally submitted your original recipe, Evans? - asked Sirius from his spot below Lily. When she arched her brows in surprise, he shrugged. - Prongs mentioned you were struggling with it.

James had been scrunching his forehead in concentration, but raised his eyes from the chess board to wink at Lily. She had immediately owled him when she included Nelumbo Nucifera in her concoction the week before and finally finished her list of ingredients. He had been ecstatic with the news.

- I did, actually. Sent to Professor Slughorn a few days ago.

- What was it about, Lily? - Remus probed, though he didn't look up from watching James' play. - Your potion.

- Ehm – Lily hesitated. James halted his move, hand hovering in the air above the board. He looked up at her, then at Remus. She bit the inside of her cheeks, unsure if it would be alright for her to tell Remus. Maybe he wouldn't feel comfortable in talking about the subject with her. He had never approached her before, even when he already knew that she knew.

- It's alright, love – James said, nodding reassuringly at her.

Remus looked between the two of them, confused. Sirius stopped playing with the snitch and sat more upward on the rug.

- Ehm, it's a potion cure that intends to, uh, minimize the negative effects after a full moon transformation. You know, – Lily smiled, close-lipped – for those who suffer from lycanthropy.

Remus widened his eyes, gaping at her. She held his gaze before glancing quickly at Sirius, who already looked at James. She felt extremely awkward, as if she was overstepping, fiddling with something that was none of her business. Cassandra's words still rang on her ears, of how Lily longed to become the fifth Marauder. She outright rejected that supposition, knowing in her heart that she never meant for such a thing. Despite her long-standing interest in their dynamic and, after witnessing Peter's transformation the previous year, in their strange secrets, Lily had never pursued a place inside their group. It had come almost naturally, with her relationship with James and her finding out about their Animagus forms and what had happened in the Whomping Willow.

Still, she wondered whether there was some truth to Cassandra's harsh accusation. In the moment, Lily felt like she was indeed unnecessarily intruding.

She opened her mouth, not yet sure if she was going to brush the topic aside or apologize for her interference, when Sirius got there first.

- And did you succeed?

- Uh, I don't know yet. In theory, it does work. But I need to see how it will play out in practice, during the second phase of the programme.

- I really hope it does – Sirius replied, sending her a wink and going back to the snitch.

Lily turned her gaze to Remus. He had a strange look on his face.

- I hope it's okay that I did that, Remus – she said, carefully. - I didn't mean to intrude or anything.

- It's more than okay, Lily. - Remus grinned at her and she felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her chest. James, across Remus, looked like he felt similarly, his shoulders dropping with relief. - Thank you for taking your time to do that. I really appreciate it.

- You're welcome, Remus. - Lily beamed at him, utterly relieved with his words. It didn't matter if she wanted to be the fifth Marauders or not, it didn't even matter if she indeed was one, as Sirius had angrily affirmed during their fallout in the Hospital Wing. In the end, the result was the same. They were her boyfriend's best friends and they were, inevitably, a big part of her life. And she loved each one of them.

Which reminded her -

- Where's Peter?

They told her that his family had decided to travel to Portugal during the hols. He would only be back by the time the classes had restarted. It was a shame that they weren't going to be with all four Marauders for New Year's Eve but, as it turned out, Marlene more than compensated for that.

She arrived the next day with a bang. With countless, and endless, stories of her brothers' shenanigans around the world, comically narrating the absurd chronicles of the McKinnon Christmas, and the tales of her unsuccessful romps with very questionable blokes, Marlene kept them thoroughly entertained for days. Lily had forgotten how much fun her friend could be. With the drama of the past months, and the many disagreements and miscommunication that came with Lily getting together with James and Sirius breaking up with Elizabeth, they had barely had the opportunity to just simply enjoy each other's company.

They made up for the lost time during those wonderful days at the Potter Manor.

Lily would wake up each day with James completely ready for her, taking her in every single position known to man, and some that she doubted had been tried before, meticulously and rigorously keeping her satisfied before her day had even started. They would meet their friends for breakfast, James taking care of finishing half of the table without prompt, being mocked relentless and not caring the least. Lily would usually spend some lovely hours, afterward, with Mr Potter in his potions lab or with Mrs Potter in the greenhouse on the side of the manor or chatting away in the parlour. She always made sure to find time to be with James' parents, working her magic in getting them to approve her as his girlfriend.

For lunch, she would meet a freshly-showered James, after the lads, Marlene and him had sweated their arses off at the Quidditch field, as per James' request - he had summoned them to help him keep in shape for the next Quidditch game, not two weeks away. They'd sit in the Dining Hall and have the most delicious food Lily had ever had, all thanks to the amazing Ginger, whom Lily made a point of personally meeting to thank her for keeping Lily so full for so many days. Their afternoons were spent in the Drawing Room, Marlene replacing Lily's books as the main source of entertainment, having them often on the ground howling with laughter.

In the evenings, after Mr and Mrs Potter retired to their bedroom following dinner, they would indulge themselves with the large variety of liquor the Potters kept in the house. Lily had tried at least three different types of whiskey and brandy by the time the holiday was over. They'd play chess and exploding snap and gobstones, the alcohol fogging their giddy, overjoyed minds. At some point of the night, though, without fail, James would achieve a certain level of drunkenness that had him standing up from whatever game he was playing, unceremoniously grabbing Lily's hand and walking them out of the parlour, under wolf whistles and raucous laughter of their friends. He would take them back to Lily's room and fuck her hard against the door, or on the wall next to the window, or across the bed, or on top of the desk, or kneeling on the floor.

They'd sleep soundly, recharging their batteries, and do it all over again the next day.

By the time the last day of 1977 arrived, Lily was the happiest she had ever been.

- I got you a dress for tonight's party, my dear. I hope you don't mind that I took the liberty – said an elated Mrs Potter that Friday morning as she walked through the manor with Lily and Flora on her trail, throwing instructions over her shoulder. Lily had been told that the Potter's New Year's party was going to be modest but, for what Lily could gather from the preparations on the Reception Hall, she was sceptical of that.

- Of course, Euphemia. - Lily had finally been convinced to call James' parents by their first names. - The dress I brought for the occasion wasn't that, uh, fitting anyway.

Knowing ahead that they would throw a party for the New Year, Lily had asked her mum for a nice dress before she left Cokeworth. Her mum had happily let her borrow a long, light-green cotton dress that made Lily look pretty enough. Seeing now that the party would be much bigger and fancier than what she had predicted, Lily suspected she'd be underdressed. Therefore, Mrs Potter having gone and getting her a party dress without her knowing, was well received by Lily.

- Perfect. I left it on your bed. You should go try it before dinner, in case there's any need for adjustments. Flora can help you with that, if you want. - The tiny house elf nodded fervently by her side, beaming with the possibility of helping Lily fix her dress.

But there was need for that. The dress fit Lily like a glove, dark silver velvet flowing down to her ankles. On her stomach level, a knot connected to her cleavage, hugging her waist gorgeously. Marlene's jaw dropped at the sight, the girl herself looking dashing in her loose, light pink gown. She helped Lily charm her red hair and finish her make-up, before they joined the boisterous party already on full volume one floor down.

Wealthy-looking wizards and witches filled the Reception Hall, wearing the most elegant gowns and refined dress robes Lily had ever seen. She recognized some of them, such as the Minister of Magic Harold Minchum, England's most famous Quidditch chaser Fleur Morgan and potioneer Rubens Winikus. Marlene and her walked through the crowd, Marlene taking her to the far corner where her family stood. Lily greeted Mr and Mrs McKinnon, and Marlene's younger brother Marcus. Shortly after, James, Sirius and Remus appeared by their side. They were talking for only a few minutes when James asked Lily to dance.

- You look beautiful, Lily. The dress is gorgeous. Can't wait to rip it to pieces – James whispered in her ear as he spun her around the dancefloor. She giggled, letting her arms graciously float in the air until they found James' shoulders again.

- No ripping tonight.

He pouted.

- There's something much more interesting for you to find beneath it, I don't want to risk you tearing it accidentally without first getting a good, thorough look at it.

James' irises burned in feverish desire but Lily just chuckled and went on with the dance.

They danced, and laughed, and talked, then danced some more. Food was amazing as usual, the drinks kept coming, and Lily's cheeks hurt with the permanent smile she had on her face. Mr Potter made sure to introduce Lily to half of the party, proudly announcing her as his son's Head Girl girlfriend and sparing no words to describe Lily's many talents. Mrs Potter, hostess extraordinaire, spent most of her time ensuring that everyone was enjoying the party, but whenever she could she would link her arm around Lily's to graciously cross the saloon together, greeting acquaintances as if Lily was a Potter. James watched it all with amused smiles and loving eyes.

When the clock struck eleven-thirty, Mrs Potter invited everyone to step outside in their garden to watch the fireworks. Lily followed the crowd, James by her side, Sirius by his, and Remus and Marlene not too far behind. They stood in a semi-circle next to a tall stool, Lily reclining on James' chest, his arms enlacing hers and his fingers intertwining hers, necks craned to look at the sky.

She closed her eyes to enjoy the unmatched sensation of that unforgettable night.

- You make my life more relevant too, James – Lily whispered, hooking her face sideways under James' neck. - I know I always say you came to wreck my plans, that you made my life bent to yours. It's true and... I couldn't have been luckier for that. Before you, I knew what I was supposed to do with myself, and I had focus and worked hard. But, after you, - she shifted slightly, opening her eyes to catch his – I am all of that but just infinitely happier. And complete.

She turned and stared up to the sky again.

- 1978 will be a difficult year. Every year from now on will be difficult. But I know it will be less so with you. We'll be aurors together and we will stand by each other's side, no matter what. - She squeezed James' hands. - And there's nobody else I'd rather have next to me.

James dropped his face an inch lower, nuzzling her cheeks with his lips.

- Me neither. I love you, Lily.

- I love you, James. Happy New Year.

---

A/N: And there we have it, finally a lot of conversation, that was due a long time ago, and the L word. I always imagined Jily having THE talk in the manor, after all the shit had gone down and they were finally baring their whole hearts to each other.

This chapter was, again, longer than predicted but I think it was needed to settle the last unresolved issues. Next chapter, the last one, won't be that long I think (it's not done yet lol). Can't believe we're already in the finale, though! Looking forward to know what you all think of the conclusion of the fic! :)

P.s(1): Did you catch me slipping another Pride & Prejudice quote in? I couldn't help myself again ;)

P.s(2): To the absolutely lovely guest that left a review today, basically begging for a James POV in ch 7, you know what? You made me really start thinking about it. I never intended to make Willow multiple POV, but a one shot stand-alone? I could def do it at some point. Can't promise anything, but even though there's only one chapter left in the story, I don't think I'm done with this universe just yet. So who knows? Stay alert XD