"I feel sick."

Allie flopped back in her chair with a definite level of accquired elegance as she pushed her plate away from her, throwing the folded and slightly stained linen napkin onto it in defeat.

"Seriously?" Nathan raised an eyebrow from across the table, his long fingers busy tearing into the crispy duck on his plate. "Because there's chocolate cake in the fridge if you wanted..."

He laughed as the blonde merely groaned and leant her head back, folding her delicate hands over her flat stomach.

"Not a hope in hell,"

"Ok," he wiped his hands haphazardly on his jeans and eyed her warily. "So now is there a chance I might get an explanation as to why you're here?"

Allie's eyes locked on his, her gaze strong and unmoving.

"Hey," he held up his hands. "I'm not complaining, I don't exactly get visitors. Not even my dazzling good looks can coax my friends from across the pond these da-"

"I had a fight with Pete."

It was so quiet, he nearly missed it, but she had definitely spoken. He caught her lips moving.

"Was it bad?" He asked.

"Are any fights good?" she snorted, tapping a manicured nail against the stem of her wine glass which has noticably untouched.

"That's not what I meant, Allie," Nathan pressed.

"Well what did you mean?" She snapped uncharacteristially, causing him to blink in surprise.

Instantly, her eyes relented and she dropped her chin down onto her chest, pushing her hands through her hair and down over her face.

"Jesus, I'm sorry." she shook her head. "I didn't mean that, I'm just..." she laughed sadly, picking at her napkin. "I don't know! I don't know what the hell is going on right now. One minute we're fine, the next we're screaming at each other, then we're not talking, then we're-"

"Are you happy with him?"

The question seemed to echo around the room, leaving her cold and frightened. Her hands shook as they clung to the napkin so tightly that she thought it might tear. She would have welcomed the noise, anything to disrupt the silence.

"I don't know how to answer that..." She admitted finally.

"Its a yes or no question." Nathan shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant.

Allie wanted to shout at him, she wanted to scream that it wasn't his business, that this was her and Pete's relationship, that he didn't understand, that he couldn't understand. But she didn't have the strength.

"A few years ago, if you'd have asked me that I would have said yes, instantly, without even thinking about it," she whispered.

"That's not an answer, Allie,"

"Yes, yes it is," she looked up at him and there were tears in her eyes. "I can't answer it. I shouldn't have to think about it. And that means...I guess I'm not."

The first of the tears rolled down her cheek and she bit her lip.

"I love him but we can't go on like this, Nathan...what I am supposed to do?" She sobbed, all the fight suddenly evaporating out of her body.

"Hey," he frowned and stood up quickly, knocking his chair over in the process as he hurried around to her side of the table, crouching down beside her and place a tentative hand on her knee. "Allie, if there's anything I can do, I mean anything,"

She laughed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, wrinking her nose when she caught the slight mark of mascara as she pulled it back.

"Nate, if I don't know what to do, what the hell can you or anyone else do?" She smiled sadly. "We'll figure it out, we always do,"

"And what if you don't?" he met her eyes and held them, daring her to look away.

She noticed the brown orbs darting down to her lips, his body moving that little bit closer and she panicked, standing up forcing his hand to slide down her leg.

"I have to go home and sort things out," she told him firmly.

"Allie," Nathan reached out to catch her arm but she yanked it away before he could, pulling her jacket on as fast as she could and reaching for her keys.

"Nathan," her voice was flat, empty and not Allie at all. "Just..." she took a deep breath and then smiled. It was so painted on it almost hurt. "Thanks for dinner, I'll call you about the trip."

"Allie!" Nathan shouted, wincing as his apartment door slammed behing her leaving him alone wondering what the hell he could do to fix this.

"He's still not answering his fucking phone," Pete muttered, pacing across the large hallway and staring at the clock.

It had been God knows how many hours since any of them had heard from Matt and he was starting to worry. Part of him wanted to ring Steve but he knew it wouldn't do any good and Shannon was out of the question. Pete knew that regardless of the fact they were family, Matt would sooner throw himself under a train than go to Shannon for help. So where the hell did that leave them?

The front door opened, the blustery wind bursting into the room causing him to spin around quickly and opening his mouth to yell at the small American when instead his eyes landed on a different suspect.

"Where the fuck have you been?" he shouted.

"Christ," Harry winced. "How about we play a game called, 'everyone whisper around Harry just for today'?"

"You're hungover?" Pete narrowed his eyes, taking in the older mans dishevelled appearance.

"As a skunk," he ran a hand through his hair and headed into the kitchen in search of coffee. "So what was so urgent that you had to call me at..." he checked his watch and saw that the time was midday. "Ah, fair enough."

"Did you see Matt last night?"

"Um, no, not that I can remember," he frowned, grabbing a mug and filling it to the brim with black coffee, not letting it cool before he took a large gulp. "Should I have?"

Pete didn't answer him, instead he simply slid his phone across the table and watched Harry's brow furrow in confusion as he read the text Matt had sent.

"Help?" He raised an eyebrow. "This is what you're crapping your pants over? Matt sent you a text saying help? Pete, he was probably stranded somewhere and couldn't get home,"

"Nah," Pete shook his head vehemently. "That's not like Matt, he's usually the one playing Mary Poppins with us lot and making sure we all get home alright. I'm telling you something happened,"

"Like what?" Harry laughed. "We live in Sloaneville, the last bad thing to happen here was when the recession hit and people could only buy three Jeeps instead of five,"

"Can you be fucking serious for a minute?"

"Jesus, alright," Harry grew sombre, realising that perhaps his brother in law was panicking for a reason. Pete didn't panic. "What about you, when did you last see him?"

Pete opened his mouth to answer, when the french door at the back of the kitchen opened and slammed mere seconds apart.

"Wow, Matt, you look like shit,"

Allie and Pete both turned to look at Harry sternly, who tried to hide his smile in his coffee mug.

"No?" he raised his eyebrows. "Well, X-Box it is, then,"

The door swung shut behind him leaving the two of them alone, the silence made even more palpable by the strong wind and rain outside.

"Where were you last night?" Allie asked, trying to keep her voice calm and normal. The last thing they needed was another fight.

"I told you I was going out," Pete replied, fixing both of them a cup of coffee.

"Oh, right," she laughed sarcastically, flicking the note on the fridge as she walked past. "A note, thanks."

"Well when your wife walks out of the room every time you walk into it, its a little difficult to keep her updated on-..."

"Your whereabouts?" she finished for him. "Its not exactly like I wanted to know what you'd had for breakfast that morning, Pete. I just wanted to know where the hell you were,"

"Why? So you could shout at me over that, as well?"

"Are you serious?" she narrowed her eyes. "Pete, you do whatever the hell you want, you always have. I've never stopped you..."

"Never stopped me from doing anything?" he half shouted. "So the fact that my entire life just turned on its arse when I met you is coincidence?"

"Yeah, because you were headed for such a happy ending before, weren't you?" she spat. "You'd be six feet under right now if you hadn't met me,"

Pete put down his coffee cup and clapped slowly, watching her pale with anger but not caring in the least.

"You're such a fucking child when you want to be," Allie shook her head.

"Yeah but that's the way you like it, isn't it, Allie?" Pete met her gaze full on and glared at her. "See when I act like the child, that means you get to be the matyr, the one who holds everything together and bravo, I mean look at what you put up with."

"Why're you being like this?" Allie whispered.

"Being like what?" he snapped. "Fucking fed up of feeling like a failure? I'm constantly reminded by everyone about the fact that you could do better. Allie settled for Pete, she had everything and he had nothing. Blah, blah, blah..."

"What the hell are you on about?" she shrieked.

"Look at this place, Allie!" Pete laughed. "Fucking hell, do you even realise that Matt is missing? Do you realise that there's a million other things going on that don't God forbid include you or your stupid fucking job?"

Her mouth fell open and she clenched her fists at her sides, trying not to play into it like he wanted her to. He was angry and worried about Matt, that much she could tell but he was taking it out on here, it was the only thing he knew how to do.

"I'm selfish?" she snorted. "Me? You want me trapped in this house like some fucking maid and..."

"Oh, Allie give me a fucking break," Pete shook his head. "Everything revolves around you, don't you understand that? I do everything you want me to do. I quite the GSE, I fought for you, I defended you, I was there for you when Lara died..."

"Don't you fucking dare bring her into this?" Allie screamed at him.

"Why?" he shot back. "Because you know if she was here, she'd be kicking your arse as well? For acting like a spoiled brat and expecting the world to stop every time you want something."

"Who the hell do you think you are?" she whispered, her eyes stinging painfully.

"I'm a man, Allie," he answered her simply. "A man who married an incredible girl and wants to know where she's gone because lately..." he shook his head. "I don't know who you are,"

Her mouth fell open and she felt a definite rip in her chest but she refused to cry. She wouldn't. Not in front of him. Not like this.

"Pete!" Dave's voice echoed through the hallway. "Mate, we've got to go, Swill found Matt, he's in St James' hospital."

Neither of them made a move, both of them just stood there, staring wondering what the hell was happening and what the next move was going to be.

"I'll...I'll go with you," she whispered.

"No," Pete shook his head. "You stay here,"

He walked around the counter and gently laid his hand on top of hers.

"Figure out what you want, Allie," there was no fight in his voice anymore but she wouldn't let herself look at him because she knew there would be tears in his eyes as there were in hers and it would break them both. "Because I can't do this anymore,"

The door closed shortly after and she felt numb. The tears were pouring down her face but she couldn't react to them. All she could do was walk out the door and climb into her car, turning up the stereo as loud as she could in a vain attempt to block out the sound of her own tears.

Nathan checked his phone for what felt like the hundredth time that hour and sighed, seeing nothing on the screen.

"Fuck," he muttered, flicking through the channels, praying that something would come on to distract him for just a moment.

The doorbell rang and he sighed heavily, forcing himself off of the sofa and over to the door.

"Allie," he blinked. "Are you alright? What the hell happened?"

The red rings around her eyes and the tear marks on her face made her look so small and fragile, he wasn't quite sure what to do.

"Do you need to talk or..."

"No," she spoke and her voice sounded odd. It was flat, empty, soul-less. "I don't want to talk, I don't want to do anything. Just this,"

She stepped into the apartment and without letting herself think, because she knew if she did, she would stop herself, reached up and kissed Nathan just slightly, barely a brushing of her lips against his.

He stared down at her, his eyes hard, his hands by this sides.

"Don't," he hissed at her. "You know I won't be able to stop."

She took a deep breath and met his eyes, knowing it was wrong, knowing that from the feeling of her heart sinking when they didn't meet the familiar blue orbs she was used to staring into that this wasn't really what she wanted.

"Then don't," she told him simply, her voice flat once more.

He knew this wasn't Allie stood in front of him; he could see the hurt, the utter devastation in his eyes, but if she was stood there offering him a shot at something he had wanted from the moment he'd laid eyes on her, then how was he, as a mere mortal supposed to say no. It didn't even take a second for him to respond, crushing her lips under his and wrapping his arms around her waist as he pulled her into the apartment and kicked the door shut behind them.

I know, I know, what the hell am I doing, right! But wait for it, everything is leading somewhere and just...have faith in me, ok? Reviews as always are welcome. Even though I have a feeling they won't be nice ones this time. :D