REVIEW REPLIES:

DaughterofHecate: Hi there! Exams are over and I survived(somehow)! Yeah, Lockhart going down(kind of). Can't get rid of him too early I hope you like this chapter!

Summer: I'm glad you liked it! Yep, Draco and Harry have a very love/hate relationship, but they don't completely despise each other anymore, which may change a few things. I'm not sure, it's been a hot minute since I've read the books, and I couldn't remember what Theodore/Theo was like, so I improvised based on fanfics I'd read. Nico's starting to accept it, almost involuntarily, which will also change things later on. I'm going for more of a brotherly thing between Nico and Percy, you know? To be fair, Draco didn't really mean it in a mean way, but he didn't really get how humiliated Harry felt. Annoyed!Artemis is harder to write than he looks, probably because he's usually snappy and easily annoyed anyway. He doesn't really yell much either. Thanks for letting me know though, I'll try and figure out a way to make it more obvious. Thanks for the feedback, and let me know what you think of this chapter!

Blades.b1tch: I've never found Lockhart particularly attractive either, but I suppose that Nico would. I'm glad you liked it, and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

OwlFace612:Thanks! I'm glad you think so! As for the diary, Nico will most probably be a bit weary, and maybe kind of annoyed by its presence. I mean, it goes against everything Hades stands for. Since he encountered Voldemort's split soul already(the one in Quirrell's head) , he probably won't be affected too badly. I'm not too sure though, I'll have to see where it goes. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Child of Wisdom: Yep, Artemis is the Ultimate Lawyer. Thanks for reviewing and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Percabethworshipper: Thanks! Exams are over now(thankfully) and I'm back in business! I get the 'not patient' thing though, I'm pretty much the epitome of impatience at this point lol. I hope that this chapter was worth the wait!

Nico had never been more right.

The class hadn't even started yet, and Artemis looked murderous.

Nico had no idea what Lockhart had ever done to make Artemis hate him this much, but he had a vague feeling that he was going to find out.

When the whole class was seated, Lockhart cleared his throat loudly and silence fell. He reached forward, picked up Neville Longbottom's copy of Travels with Trolls and held it up to show his own, winking portrait on the front.

"Me," he said, pointing at it and winking as well, 'Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League and five times winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming-Smile Award – but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"

He paused for laughter, and a few people smiled weakly, just to be polite.

"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books – well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about – just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in ..."

When he had handed out the test papers he returned to the front of the class and said, "You have thirty minutes. Start – now!"

Nico looked down at his question paper.

1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?

2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?

3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?

He looked down at the three sides of paper in horror. Every single question was about Lockhart. Not a single thing about Defense Against the Dark Arts.

He was starting to see why Artemis hated him so much.

He looked up from his paper to see half the class exchanging exasperated glances with each other. He caught Artemis's eye and gestured as subtly as he could towards the question paper.

Artemis had no such reservations, and all but smacked his paper in frustration.

Nico imagined that he was trying to tell him something like, 'Can you believe this bumbling idiot?'

He shrugged at him, before turning to his paper and starting to doodle mini Cerberuses on his paper.

A few minutes later, most people seemed to have gotten over their shock, and had bent down to fill in their questionnaires. Nico doubted that any of them actually knew the answers, but at least they were trying(or they appeared to be, anyway)! The same could not be said for Artemis.

Artemis was sitting up straight, his posture stiff, and he was pointedly ignoring the paper that had been placed in front of him, practically begging Lockhart to notice him.

The Professor continued to ignore him, which was his fatal mistake. No one ignores Artemis Fowl and gets away with it.

"Ahem." Artemis cleared his throat loudly, causing several students to look up at him.

Lockhart barely glanced at him.

Artemis tried again, "Ahem!" he said louder, resulting in a slight twitch of Lockhart's eye.

"Mr. Fowl," Professor Lockhart gritted out, still smiling his award winning smile, "Do you have a question?"

"I do actually." Artemis said, standing up, "I wanted to ask you where you put our question papers." he said pleasantly, his polite tone never wavering.

"Excuse me?" Lockhart narrowed his eyes slightly, "Mr. Fowl, your paper is right in front of you."

"I mean no disrespect sir," began Artemis, the wicked smile on his face suggesting the opposite, "But I do believe that our question papers got mixed up with some sort of quiz that you were planning on handing out to your fans. Because there's no way that someone as learned and accomplished as you would hand out 54 questions about yourself in a Defense against the Dark Arts class on purpose. Only a complete moron would do , professor?" he asked innocently.

At this point, most of the class were trying to stifle their laughter, while a few girls, including Hermione, glared at Artemis in disapproval.

Lockhart gaped at him, "What? Uh- " Lockhart seemed at a loss for words.

Draco stood up, gasping dramatically, "He's right! I knew something was wrong! I knew it! Our teacher isn't dumb and self-centered enough to do something like that! You all doubted him," he said, clutching his chest, "But I, I knew it all along! " he said, wagging his finger in Ron's face, who was too delighted by Lockhart's fumbling that he didn't even yell at Draco for invading his personal space.

Artemis shook his head in mock disapproval, "And to think that no one questioned it." he said sorrowfully, "It just shows how poorly you all think of our dear Professor Lockhart."

"Mr. Fowl!" Lockhart protested, looking confused, as though he had no idea how the situation had spiraled out of control so easily, "I have no idea what-"

Nico decided that this was as good a time as any to cut in, "So Professor," he began, "Could we have our real papers now? You know, the ones that are actually about Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

"Mr. Uh- what's your name again? Stop this non-"

"Yeah Professor," Harry agreed, grinning maliciously, "We should get started. Time's a wasting. You should start handing them out."

By now, no one cared about concealing their laughter, and almost the entire class was roaring with laughter at the sight of Lockhart's tomato red face. Even Lockhart fans like Hermione were allowing themselves a small smile at the sight before them.

"What is happening here?" drawled an all too familiar voice.

Severus Snape stood at the door in all his cloaked glory. He slowly took in the classroom, which was now completely silent. Everyone had frozen in place as though someone had pressed pause.

"Gilderoy," Snape asked, "Would you like to explain what in Merlin's name was going on in here?"

Lockhart gulped, his face still flushed, "No need for concern, Professor," he assured half-heartedly, "Just a few students stirring up trouble. Nothing I can't handle." he lied.

Snape's gaze didn't waver, "I...see." he said slowly, "Would you care to point out these... trouble causing students?" he asked, looking straight at Harry.

"That's really not necessary-" Lockhart protested, obviously not wanting to explain why the students had been causing trouble in the first place.

"I insist."

Lockhart's eyes darted around nervously, "Of course Severus. Lets see, Mr. Fowl, Mr. Malfoy, Mr. di Angelo and Mr. Potter, I believe."

Snape's eyebrows shot upwards, "Is that so?" he asked, "Very well," he continued, not bothering to wait for an answer, "Since most of the students are Slytherins, I will deal with their punishments. If that's all right with you, of course."

"Actually-"

"Splendid." Snape drawled, before gesturing towards the four boys, "Not you Potter." he added, much to Harry's relief.

And so the three boys trailed after Professor Snape, their smiles fading.

Well, except Artemis. Nico didn't think that that anything could shake the smug, satisfied and slightly creepy grin on Artemis' face.

****Line Break****

"So," Snape sighed, rubbing his forehead, "you're telling me that the three of you indirectly told Professor Lockhart that he was a moron?"

"Well, it was mostly Artemis..." Draco mumbled, wincing in pain when Artemis flicked the back of his head, "Ow! Okay, okay, I'm shutting up." he grumbled.

Snape stared at the three of them in disbelief and exasperation, looking ready to break something.

"I'm impressed." Snape said finally, after a long, awkward silence.

Nico and Draco gaped at him, while Artemis' grin simply grew.

"You are?" Nico squeaked, his voice embarrassingly high.

Snape nodded, "Of course." he said, as though it was obvious, "Anyone who can humiliate that poor excuse for a human being deserves my respect." he raised another eyebrow, "I'm curious though, what did inspire you to humiliate him so quickly? I was of the impression that this was your first class with him."

"It was." Artemis answered casually, "I flipped through one of his books during the holidays, and it was obvious how ridiculously fake his so called 'accomplishments' were. Besides," he added with a haughty sniff, "I despise people who can't even do their own jobs properly. That man sullied the spirit of education. Or as one might say, he befouled it."

No one laughed.

"Tough crowd." he muttered.

Snape cleared his throat, "Anyway, as much as I hate it, I have to punish the three of you." he said, clearly not thrilled by the prospect, "Detention this evening at 4 o'clock. " he added.

Nico hesitated, "Uh- does it have to be at 4 o'clock? I'm kind of busy-"

"No excuses, Mr. di Angelo." Snape scolded, "Cancel your plans."

Nico winced, trying to figure out how he'd get out of this.

Easier said than done.

A.N:

Hello there!

I'm back! Exams are OVER.

Sorry that this chapter is so short(and late), I got caught up in the whole 'no school' thing. I feel like this chapter came out kind of lame? But... well, hopefully the next chapter will be better.

Anyway, the next chapter won't take nearly as long(hopefully).

Hope you enjoyed the Lockhart bashing(if that even counts as bashing)!

Thanks for reading!

-Keera()