What on earth did she think she was going to get from a three-year-old? Dr. Langan wondered as he passed by Lucas' room. He couldn't deny her beauty, the warmth in the smile or the fill of her thighs and backside in that- he stopped himself from being a jerk. Sure, he was admiring, but there was a fine line.
She was grinning at the little boy and chatting to his parents. There was no mistaking it, Dr. Olivia Benson was a sight for sore eyes; in fact, she was really hard to take her eyes off, there was something commanding about her – unfortunately her aloof and unfriendly attitude made it very hard for him to want to engage with her.
Not that it would have mattered anyway, he didn't date, he didn't want to date and he sure as hell didn't want to shit where he slept.
"Have you seen Mel?" he asked the desk nurse who was running the shift. He glanced at his chart, "she's supposed to help me with Amy Venables in 2."
"Oh shit, Amy is back?" the nurse cocked her head and pouted, "you poor thing, how's she doing?"
Trevor shrugged his shoulders, "I'm about to find out, I suppose… Mel was supposed to-" a passing nurse cut him off.
"Mel's off sick-"
"Great," he sighed. "Any takers?" he spoke to the girls that were in the middle of a change over.
He'd never seen a bunch of nurses scatter faster. He groaned but laughed good-naturedly, "you all suck!" he told them, shaking his head as he made his way down to the six-year-old's room.
He readied himself for the helicopter mother who seemed to have a knack for simultaneously insulting everything he did while also throwing herself at him.
Amy was a sweet child but her anxiety was high due to her mother bestowing her own adult fears on to her. The second that Mrs. Venables began to freak out, Amy's anxiety heightened. He stood for a second and read her chart. He saw a lot of the same thing most days but it had been awhile since he'd lost any of his patients and he wasn't about to let that happen if there was anything he could do about it.
Her potassium was low, her iron too high – just what the fuck was her mother doing with her medication, he wondered, frowning at it all. Trevor Langan respected the parents and sometimes they were wonderful, but he would have much preferred his job if he didn't have to deal with people who thought they knew better than all of his years of experience.
He grabbed the chart to take with him, he needed Amy's mother to explain herself.
"Hiya Amy," he greeted the little girl, laying his eyes over her. He was shocked but he hid it. He instantly looked to her mother who sat on a chair looking anxious and frazzled. "Not feeling too well, honey?" he wondered when she barely replied.
"She had a fever and she wasn't taking her meds," the mother replied. Trevor tired not to show his irritation. He made his way closer to Amy and gave her a reassuring smile. He put the clipboard down and focused on her for a moment.
"Honey, I'm just gonna take a little look at your face and your tummy and feet, is that okay?" he asked.
She nodded and hugged her teddy bear closer to her chest. "You're a brave girl, Amy, we're gonna get you feeling better as soon as we can," he promised.
"Sorry to interrupt, Professor Langan, The desk nurse said you might need my assistance." He knew who belonged to the soft husky voice before he needed to turn to the doorway to see.
"That depends, Dr. Benson, how good are you at inserting an IV? Did they teach you that at talking school?" as soon as it came out of his mouth he regretted his words. It was unfair and rude and he was furious with the patient's mother for being so ridiculous and not laying the law down when it came to her daughter's medication.
He looked over his shoulder and saw that she had disappeared and realized he needed to very quickly apologize. "Give me one moment," he smiled at the little girl and her Mom.
"Olivia," he called, watching her round behind in her black pants walk away with purpose. He jogged to catch up with her at the end of the corridor. "Dr. Benson, please…" he caught up with her, "I'm so sorry, that was so rude of me," he said quickly, "please stop."
Olivia didn't want to cause a scene and she knew other people would have heard him calling out to her. She blinked back her tears of humiliation and turned to him. "What?"
"I'm so sorry, Olivia, that was not fair of me, I was frustrated with the mother of my patient and the nurse who usually helps me with her phoned it in, I have another patient that … he's gravely ill – I'm sorry."
She could see the regret filling his face and she almost felt for him; she remembered the pressure; the way that she felt in the moment, all of the responsibilities on her shoulders. "Don't dismiss my work," she snapped at him, "it's smug, it's rude and just for your information, I am a fully-fledged doctor who went to the same," she paused and made air quotes, "'doctor school' that you did so yeah, I think I can handle a god damn IV."
"I'm really sorry, I didn't realise you were a real doctor."
"What," she put her hand on her hips, glaring in to his piercing, lovely, green eyes, "do you think I got in to this job by proclaiming myself that title?" she asked, rolling her eyes. She drew in a deep breath and thought about the patient. "Do you need help with that IV or not?"
"Yes please, her mother freaks out and then Amy freaks out – the mother thinks I'm kidding around when it comes to her medication and this kid is going to die her parent doesn't start taking this seriously," he blurted out, "any help would be appreciated."
"And while we're on it, stop telling Justin Withers that my weekly chats with him are a waste of time."
Trevor tried not to smile at her the sultry pout that crossed her mouth. "That's not entirely what I said," he replied as they made their way back to the room. Without another word about it, Olivia followed Trevor back in to the room.
"Sorry about that," he flashed them both a smile. "This is Dr. Olivia Benson, she's going to assist me this morning." Trevor told Amy's mother.
"Hi, nice to meet you," she nodded to the mother in greeting. She murmured a hello from her chair. Olivia threaded past her toward the girl in the bed who she knew immediately was unwell.
"Honey, this is my friend Olivia, do you think it'd be okay if we take a look at you?"
The child looked at Olivia who smiled warmly at her. "Hi Amy," she smiled. She reached over the rail on the bed and smoothed her hand over the child's dark hair, "we're going to make sure you're feeling a bit better but we have to do a few things to find out how to fix you up…"
"Okay," the little girl replied in a soft, sweet voice.
"Is she going to be okay?" the Mom sputtered, tears lining her eyes. Olivia caught Trevor glowering at her with annoyance at the inappropriateness of the question right in front of her child.
Olivia turned to her and gave her a reassuring smile. "We can talk about Amy's symptoms and treatment as soon as we look her over; let's focus on getting to the bottom of the problem before begin to get ourselves too worried, alright?" she placed a calming hand on the woman's shoulder and passed her a Kleenex from the bedside table.
The mother agreed. Olivia turned back to the child and watched Trevor check the pinks of her eyes. "See that?" he asked Olivia, his face serious, concentrating hard on the child.
She nodded. "Do you know what that is?" he asked referring to the yellowish tinge around the child's eyes and lack of colour under the waterline of her eyes.
They met eyes for a moment and Olivia nodded, her face serious too. They both registered between them that this was serious. "Any edema?" she asked.
Trevor looked at the girl who cuddled her arms around her teddy bear. Olivia smiled at her. "Honey, Olivia and I want to check your tummy, I'm going to just pull your blanket down for a moment and my hands might be a little cold but I'll try to warm them up," he gave her his best reassuring smile but he was concerned if not angry with the parent sitting in the chair.
Olivia appreciated that both times she had seen him look over a patient, he had asked permission or waited for a response that would allow the child to say no. She appreciated him explaining what he was about to do as well, she understood better than anyone how much the medical arena could take away one's power to protest to anything. Patients and families were often led to always believe that everyone had their best interests at heart.
She watched him warm his hands together and press lightly on her lower tummy around her belly. Olivia could see it without waiting for the pitting. "When I press my finger in to her skin, her skin should immediately bounce back to it's shape, but look, you can still see the dint of where my finger was—"
"I know what pitting is, Trevor," she replied bluntly, "you don't even need to do that, you can see the swelling without touching her," she replied. Olivia went to the foot of the bed and lifted the sheets. "Amy, I'm gonna touch your ankles okay? I'll try not to tickle them," she winked at her.
She got a tiny smile from the girl and it didn't go unnoticed to Trevor. Her legs were significantly swollen. He nodded out to the hall and turned to Amy's Mom. "Olivia and I are going to have a discussion about where to go from here and we'll be back."
"We're going to need diuretics asap and infuse some potassium and check on some other electrolytes and enzymes…at a glance I'm thinking she's hypertensive, what do you think?"
Olivia was surprised that he suddenly seemed to care. "Agreed. See how she responds to the meds I guess and go from there?"
He nodded. "I think we need to move fast, do you possibly think you could get the stuff to run an IV? I realise its out of your area of role-"
"Its fine, I can help, I can chat to Mom too if you need. Do you not know how to do an IV?" she couldn't help but to throw back at him.
"I can, actually," he managed a smile, "but you'll understand why I need help as soon as I explain to Mom what's going on."
"She's worried about her kid, you can't be frustrated with her for that," Olivia implored him.
"All I know is that last time Amy left, she had a renal diet that Mom was to follow, she had medication to take and she would have held a baseline of reasonable kidney health. She's in a hypertensive state right now and Amy is too young to be held responsible for not taking her medication."
"Okay, well why don't you go get the IV ready and I'll chat to Mom and try to smooth things over about the IV and the meds?" Olivia suggested and Trevor felt instantly irritated that she felt like she could suggest duties for him, the actual doctor.
He smiled tightly and there was a spark of awkwardness between them; Olivia realizing he didn't like to be told what to do. "Well, it's just that you know where everything is, I don't know what I'm looking for."
"No, no," he held up his hands, giving her the benefit of the doubt, "I'm okay with that," despite both of them knowing that he was not okay with being asked to get nurses supplies. In fact, she wondered just why the fuck the nurses weren't helping him.
"Okay," she replied, "I'll go chat to Mom and see if I can keep her calm."
He nodded and they split up.
Olivia went back to the room and found the mother standing over her daughter, stroking her hair. She smiled to herself at the kindness her mother was showing her daughter. She may have been over the top according to Trevor, but the love between them was obvious.
"Sorry," Olivia interrupted. The Mom took a step away from her daughter and gave Olivia her best smile in return.
"Where's Dr Trevor?" she asked, alarmed.
"He's just outside getting some things ready, do you think we could just step outside the room and have a chat for a second?"
"I don't want to leave my Amy," she replied, protectively glancing at her daughter.
"I know, it's scary to be here, but it'll just be for a moment, you'll be okay won't you sweetheart?" Olivia asked the little girl, "just if I steal Mommy and take her outside for about 2 minutes?"
The little girl nodded suspiciously.
Reluctantly the mother followed her outside. Olivia didn't think it was appropriate to speak in front of the child if there was a chance the mother would get upset or angry. "I'm really sorry, I didn't catch your name."
"Hannah," she replied. "Is Amy going to be okay?" she asked, finally dissolving in to tears. Olivia put her hand on her shoulder and looked her in the eye.
"Hannah, we are going to do everything that we can to make sure Amy is okay, she's very sick at the moment because her medication and diet hasn't been stuck to. I understand how hard it is to see your child in pain or suffering, but this – what's going on right now, this is very serious."
Hannah buried her face in her hands and Olivia guided her in to one of the plastic chairs that lined the corridors. She took a seat beside her. "Amy is hypertensive, Hannah, that means that there is something causing her blood pressure to rise because something is not working as it should. It could be something as small as the medication not being administered correctly to something more serious, so we are going to put an IV in to Amy's arm and run some meds through to see if that makes a difference."
"She hates needles. Is this really necessary?" the mother asked, wiping her eyes.
"Yes," Olivia said firmly, "this is very necessary, the swelling in her legs and her tummy would be incredibly uncomfortable for her if not painful and we need to get rid of fluid."
Hannah nodded in agreement and Olivia felt a little relieved. "If it's too much for you to watch us administer the IV you can wait here, it will only take a second and Amy might become upset but I promise you she won't be upset for long. Dr. Langan is a great doctor who knows what he is doing."
Trevor returned with a small green surgical bowl with an unopened IV needle and some other meds. He grabbed the child's chart and walked past them in to the room to prep.
Once back in the room Olivia found Trevor chatting to the girl, she smiled, he was gaining her trust, making her feel comfortable. She understood this practice better than anyone. "Amy do you ever get a fluttery feeling in your chest when you take a big, deep breath?" he asked her, "almost like you can't breathe for a few minutes?"
"Ummmm," she thought, "maybe."
"Does your heart sometimes feel like you've just been running and you can't catch your breath or you get sweaty or anything like that?"
"Sometimes, just once or twice," she said.
"When was that? Was it yesterday or was it a month ago? Or maybe a year ago?" he asked, understanding though, that a six-year-old's concept of time would vary.
"Maybe two days ago," she replied.
"Okay thank you!" Trevor smiled at her. "You've got a great memory! So now Dr. Olivia and I want to make sure that you don't get that yucky feeling again, so we are going to give you a tiny little needle in your arm-"
"No!" she said, suddenly alarmed, looking for her Mom who was behind Olivia. "Mommy, no!" Trevor flicked his eyes up at Olivia as if to say I-told-you-so.
"Its alright," Olivia told the girl who she could tell was instantly worked up, ready to have a melt down. "Mommy is going to be here to old your hand," she told her warmly but firmly.
"Can't we do it another way?" the mother interjected.
"No," Trevor said firmly, "she needs a large volume of potassium and diuretics or else this is going to get bad very quickly."
"I don't want a needle," she began to wail loudly, "no more needles," she yelled.
"Can I get a second opinion please," Hannah asked, finding her voice over the commotion. Frustratedly, Trevor glanced to Olivia.
"Dr. Benson is a second opinion, go ahead Dr. Benson, what do you suggest we do?"
"I told you already Hannah, this is necessary. You'll need to help calm Amy down; she needs you to tell her its going to be okay. This is not actually a big deal, this is non-invasive and she doesn't need surgery or anything at this stage so please help us help Amy."
She noticed Trevor looking very close to losing his temper. She took a few deep breaths when she caught his eye, just to remind him to breathe his frustration away.
Hannah threaded past Olivia to Amy and grabbed her hand. "Honey, just be calm," she told her daughter. "Its okay to cry, but stop screaming baby, you're going to make yourself sick, please be brave for Mommy, okay?"
"Amy, once we put this special needle in your arm it's going to make you feel so much better. You might say it's a magical needle!" Trevor noticed how animated Olivia became, how warm and comforting she was to the child. He was thankful to have her there because he wouldn't have had the patience for any of it on his own.
"You won't feel very much pain," Trevor added, "I promise, cross my heart," he smiled at her. "Olivia is really good at this," he added, hoping that she would stick it the first time and that she wasn't overshooting her confidence.
Olivia knew the pressure was on. She moved past Trevor and grabbed a pair of gloves. She was happy to see that Amy was calming down, shivering a little from her tears. "How about Mommy holds your hand and you focus on her while Dr. Trevor and I look after your hand here…"
She watched the child slip her free hand in to her mothers. "You're so brave," her Mom murmured to her.
Olivia seemed satisfied. "Okay great, thanks Mommy, you're doing a really good job too." Olivia gave her a reassuring smile.
She leaned over the bed, looking closely for a vein at first glance, running her black nail-polished pointer finger over the spots where veins would normally arise. She tapped the back of Amy's hand and waited for a second. "There's one here…" she told Trevor, but it's faint, could be dehydration. Might need the clip." She reached in to the bowl and slipped the tourniquet-type clip just below the bend of the child's elbow.
Trevor watched Olivia with great concentration as Hannah talked to her little girl. Olivia glanced at the six-year-old. "Amy, this might feel a bit funny but it won't hurt, okay?" she tightened the clip and waited for a few seconds, smoothing the vein until it began to rise beneath the skin and become more evident. Once Amy began to whimper, Olivia unclipped, letting the blood rush.
"Its okay," Trevor told her, "we're almost done, I promise."
Olivia put her gloves on and unwrapped the IV needle and swabbed her skin with an alcohol wipe. She clipped all the bits in together and did a last check on the vein. "You're going to feel the tiniest little prick Amy, but I need you to keep very, very still."
Trevor seemed to know better and placed his hand over the child's forearm.
She took a deep breath hoping to get it the first time. She inserted the needle beneath the skin hearing only a small whine out of the girl. She breathed a quiet sigh of relief and felt proud of herself, she still had it, sharp shooter, she was labelled by a professor in med school. Her patients rarely ever felt a thing – but it'd been almost five years since she had last completed a cannula insertion.
"There you are, sweetie, that didn't hurt at all, did it?" she asked, "just keep still for a second, we're almost done!" Trevor handed her a vial so that she could take the blood sample he needed and together they cross checked the potassium dosage and Olivia bandaged up the IV so it wouldn't get knocked.
"I'll get a nurse to come and hook up the IV. Thanks for your help," Trevor was gracious and appreciative of her help.
"You're welcome," she replied, pulling off the gloves and discarding them in the medical waste trash. She smiled at the patient, "that wasn't too bad was it?" she wondered.
The little girl shook her head. "You were such a brave girl," Dr. Benson gave her her best grin, "Mommy should be so proud of you!" She turned to Hannah, "I might pop back in a little while and have a chat with you both a little later, okay?"
"Thank you Dr. Benson," she replied, still a little tearful.
"I'll leave you guys with it." Trevor gave her a brief smile as he finished up with the bloods and putting a splint beneath her bandaged arm to keep Amy from moving around.
/
Olivia was finishing up her notes, sitting at the nurse's station because she hadn't remembered to bring her laptop charger. It had been a long day and she was tired but she felt herself already falling in to old ways. It was almost 8pm and she'd been at work since 7 in the morning.
She sighed quietly as she finished up Justin's report and she had to admit, it was getting to her a little – his aloofness toward death, almost as if he had entirely given up – he was numb to the idea and it was a little hard for her to get her head around.
She curled her hand around the back of her neck and gave it a rub, feeling the tension knotting at her nape causing a bit of a headache.
"Dr. Benson, you okay?" a voice hovered behind her.
She jerked her head back, wincing in pain. "Yeah, fine, thanks," she replied.
"Did you hurt your neck?" Dr. Langan asked her, reaching over her to put some papers in to an outgoing tray.
"Yeah, I slept on it a little funny, it's fine," she added, briefly glancing up. He had hovered so close that a waft of cologne tingled her senses. She straightened up, pulling her hand away from her neck.
"Are you sure? Do you want me to take a look for you?" he offered kindly, sitting down in the empty desk chair beside her.
She gave him a smile, "No thank you, I'm a doctor myself, remember? I can diagnose myself. I suggest an aspirin, a new pillow and a good night's sleep," she replied to him.
He couldn't help but stare at her. She stared at the screen before her, ignoring him, tapping away at the keys, concentrating on her case report. He noticed the her high cheek-bones, the curve and pout of her lips. She wore dark liner and a sweep of cocoa upon her eyelids that shimmered when it caught the right light.
She was gorgeous, he thought. She was wearing a form-fitting long-sleeved, blue v-neck. He tried not to stare and eventually peeled his eyes away from her. "Is there anything that I can help you with, doctor?" she asked him, not looking up from the computer.
"Nope," he smiled to himself; she certainly wasn't going out of her way to make friends with him. "Just wanting to make sure you were okay… and thanks again for helping me out. I probably need to have a word with the nurses about flaking out on their duties."
"Yeah, probably a good idea," she replied.
Trevor glanced at the screen and saw that she was writing a report about his terminally ill patient. "How's Justin?" he asked, changing the subject.
"Please don't read over my shoulder, I'm sure you'll have access to my report as soon as I submit it."
He chuckled. "Dr. Benson, why have you taken an instant dislike toward me?" he wondered.
She glanced at him and it annoyed her that he seemed so amused by the fact that she didn't need any distractions, all she wanted was to go home to bed. "I don't even know you. All I know about you is that you think my work is useless and that just because you clearly don't believe in play therapy or social work, that it's not going to add value to any of these children's lives."
"Whoa," he held up his hands, "that is not what I think, don't tell me what to think."
She glanced around to make sure there was no one within earshot, "Oh bullshit," she muttered, "you've insulted me twice to my face and you told my patient that he's wasting his time talking to me."
"The kid is dying," Trevor told her bluntly, his deep, words speaking the truth deliberately and almost frustratedly. "I just think he should spend the time that he has doing what he wants, not spending a couple hours a week talking about why he isn't having feelings that everyone is wanting him to have."
She drew in a deep breath. "I'm very sorry you feel that way but often children mask their emotions because they want to please everyone around them. When Justin's time is up, I want him to go in peace, actual peace, so stay out of my lane."
"I didn't mean to be rude about what you do, I certainly don't think its useless and I've never said that. I just am dealing with some important issues with my patients-"
"And there it is again," she turned back to the screen, "I don't think your profession is worthless but, I'm doing important things unlike you, Dr. Benson, with your little arts and crafts or one of your cute little chats." she mocked him.
He simply said nothing and rose from his seat. "Goodnight Dr. Benson, don't stay here all night." She dared to look at him. He towered over her, his presence seemed almost foreboding and she found herself shrinking in to herself, remembering that familiar feeling; the one she'd spent 8 years running from.
She let her eyes fall shut for a moment to centre herself. She drew in a deep breath and turned back to the computer.
"Goodnight," she uttered. She saw him from her peripheral vision leaving the nurses station. She turned back to the computer and finished up with the report.