5. Fear
Light stepped out of the building he'd been trapped, blinking at the sudden light of the cars, the street lamps and the clubs around him. The night was cool, but not cold, and smelled like alcohol and exhaust. It was all blurry to him, and at the same time so clear.
Bad things had happened.
Really bad things.
Little flickers of what he'd gone through played in front of his eyes like a movie. It was weird that those things actually happened.
Surreal.
Surreal. That was the word he was searching for. It was surreal all that happened to him less than an hour ago.
He felt the impact of all that had yet to come. He should feel everything that had happened, right? He'd felt it, he remembered…It had just stood still since he stepped out of the room he pulled on his clothes again.
He wasn't wearing his left shoe. He felt the stones underneath his foot. Dirty stones…Maybe he should've searched for his shoe…
He breathed the muff outside air into his lungs.
It was like it made all his emotions burst free.
Rape. Humiliation. Touches. Robby. Hit. L. Virginity. Dad. Rape.
Damn, he was raped! He was raped, fucked into his ass by idiots he didn't even know! Damn, damn, damn! He was humiliated, is soul was cut and his body used and touched, Light was gone, there was only this used, hideous body left, he was a sex toy- And Robbie, Robbie died because of him, his stupid self and stupid L he still loved so much-
It didn't make sense to him anymore. Light's vision was blurred by tears again, and he tried to run again, when he realized he couldn't run. His legs didn't work.
Right. The stuff to make sure he wouldn't kick his rapists. It had to be still working.
Go. He had to go. No idea where. Away from this pain. Robby. He had to find Robby to clear his conscience, if he could. It would make him feel better. He had to feel better. If only a little.
He walked as fast as he could to the place where he thought Robby was. He had no idea where, but he went there where he thought he should go to, to find him…He had to find Robby…
Light suddenly recognized everything. The coffee shop. The alleys.
It was clear. He saw where he had to go to.
He walked and walked as seconds ticked by in his ears without a real reason, and before he knew it, he stood in the ally he wanted to be.
The same stones, the same graffiti and dirt.
A puddle of blood on the ground.
No Robby.
"...Went here, hit him and took the virgin, huh huh…"
"Hey, he's gone. Where-"
Light couldn't run away to get out of the sight of the bold men he could easily recognize by now. He was trapped, once again. He felt how their eyes fell on him and stupid smiles formed on their yellow-teethed faces.
"…Look…"
"Huhuhu…"
"…Huhuhuhu…"
Away. Getting away. Light wasn't fast enough and the men knew it. They'd throw him over a shoulder again- No touch, no, not another touch, he didn't want to be touched, stay away…
An arm closed around his waist like it did before, and Light felt panic hit him like a rubber hammer. No, no, no contact, he felt skin, someone was touching him and he couldn't do anything to stop it, he was too weak and his legs were practically limp, and his arms hurt, so he couldn't use them, his heart beat its way out of his chest and he sweated like hell so he felt like he was dehydrating, no, go away, don't touch, don't…
Breath stuck in his chest when Light realized it would all happen again. Rape. Suffer. More rape. No. Please not.
He felt himself being pressed against the wall next to him. Hands. Fingers. Hands. Hands. No hands. Get them away! He saw them, their faces, their horrible teeth and smiles, those stupid, dumb and malicious grins-
"Can't run?"
"Not sure…"
Light tried to kick. Get them away, away, AWAY! His heart pounded like a madman. Sweat. His own sweat. He felt another shock freeze him when he felt something cold and sharp slice through the front of his thigh.
A knife! Hell, they were cutting his muscles so it would hurt too much to go away! Light instinctively tried to keep his legs still when he felt warm blood wash through his pants. It was blood. Real, warm, red blood. Much more than he'd felt after he'd been raped. He realized that he really couldn't move his leg anymore. Probably his instinct too... And the other one followed.
He didn't know what to feel anymore. The angst from the touches was overwhelming, and so was the pain in his legs. One of the men grabbed his shoulders and turned him, and pressed him against the wall.
'L, Robby, Dad! Where are you?'
He felt like throwing up when his pants were pulled down to the middle of his thighs, where they pressed into the bleeding wound, and his face was pushed against the cold and dirty stones in front of him.
'Where are you?'
Light cried out when he felt a searing pain there where it shouldn't be. A hand muffled the sound. Light writhed, but he couldn't move away. He was impaled once again. And the thrusting began. In and out. In and out. Sick. Panic.
'Where are you!'
Hurt. His behind. His legs. His face. Light panted in panic, the cold sweat cooling his skin to the point where it got painful. His heart trembling with hurt. Every fiber of his being was trembling with hurt.
'HELP!'
Light didn't feel what was happening anymore. Wet. Slick. Out.
For a second, he didn't feel a body against him. Gone. Light was left again.
Before he was rammed into the wall again and the searing started all over again.
Crying and screaming didn't help. A new hand muffled every sound he made. Panic. Go away. Light had to get away from those bodies. He felt his clothes tear when hands gripped at them. His face was abraded by the stones. Light could feel his face bleeding. The wounds pricked. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to scream again.
'FUCKING HEEELP!'
In, out. In, out. Sick. Light felt he had to throw up. The man behind him groaned animalistic and gripped onto his arm, and Light cried out again, though it was muffled by the big and rough hand. More wet. Pulled out. Light swallowed to keep himself from throwing up.
"Huhuhu…Better than money, huhuhu…"
Light pulled his pants up as fast as he could and noticed that his belt was ruined. Real leather. His expensive belt…
A big fist in his face made the world hurl. Light had never felt flaming white pain like this. His whole body was slammed into the ground and he felt his eyes roll back into his skull. He'd thought rape had been painful. He hadn't felt this much pain, back then...
The voices disappeared, the world blurred and little stars formed in front of his eyes. He gripped with his hands onto his face to notice it hurt incredibly when he moved something loose under the skin of his cheek. He rolled on to throw up everything he still had in his stomach, which was nothing more than a little trail of horribly burning sour bile. Throwing up. Light hated it.
-His cheekbone had to be broken.
Light had to get away. Somewhere. He couldn't see where he was going. He felt stones. He had to get up.
The wall. The stones he felt were a wall. He felt dirt in the wounds of his legs, his arm throbbed, his esophagus and throat seared, his face numb with blazing pain. His hands. The wall. He tried to push himself up.
It had happened again. Twice. Filthy. Light was simply a sex toy. He had always been simply a sex toy.
He just hadn't known until today.
Light stood. Now he had to direct his gaze somewhere. Everything was blurred. Light was too overwhelmed, the world seemed to spin around him.
There it was. A big square of orange light. Black shadows moved around in it. That was where he had to go.
He felt pain in his foot, not as bad as everything else he felt, but he tried to pay attention to it. His foot. He stepped on something. Glass.
Something entered his body and made his foot blaze with pain. Scream. Light knew he was screaming, but couldn't hear it. He fell forward, to his knees, and curled into a ball. He noticed his other foot hurting too. The glass he stepped in had gone through the sole of his shoe. He held his arms tightly against his shaking body. It hurt. Everything hurt. He rolled on, and felt more glass. Cuts. Cuts in his taut skin. And dirt. Light didn't want to know how much pain those bacteria were going to cause.
Not any more than this.
Light closed his eyes. Die. Just die. He wanted to die so badly. He was sick of it. He was just so sick.
Memories entered his mind. A cold face. It was cold in response of what he said in a life before this.
"Ryuzaki…I think I love you."
Light threw up again when he thought about it.
Untouchable. This boy was untouchable.
Robby was downright amazed. He'd seen impressive people before, but this kid…
He'd never seen a kid like this before. The calmness, the rage and worry. The beauty. The intense gaze.
But most of all, the radiance of immense willpower and certainty to find Lighto back. The boy made all his surroundings glow with heat. Robby wondered if he'd burn his hand if he'd touch him.
"Ru."
The boy, who'd been walking in front of Robby, turned around.
"Is there something?"
It sounded suspicious. The boy wasn't convinced of Robby's goodwill.
"You reacted. Now I know I can call you 'Ru'."
The eyes sharpened with rage. Apparently he didn't like that remark.
"It doesn't matter to you whether we'll find Light-kun or not, does it?"
That was funny too. During the phone conversation he'd called Lighto 'Light', and now he added '-kun' to it all the time. '-Kun' could mean endearment. Using someone's first name too. The boy added the honorific almost as if he had to remind himself every time he said it. He looked foreign, though, Japanese people didn't have frames built like that or white skins and wide eyes…European probably…There they didn't use honorifics at the end of names either.
"Are you foreign?"
Cat-like slits with bags. Robby would have as much eye brow as the boy by the end of the night.
"That is definitely none of your business."
An English accent, very slight. You wouldn't hear it if you weren't trying to.
"Are you English?"
Robby saw fists clenching even harder in the pockets of the far too wide jeans the boy wore.
"Like I said, that is none of your business. Do you want to find Light-kun or not?"
He said 'Light', not 'Raito'. Yup, he had to be English or something. Robby sighed.
"Ru, yes, I wanna find Lighto. I was just asking something, okay…? Don't be mad."
That just seemed to make Ru even madder. He turned his back to Robby and walked further down the narrow streets, where cars had to slow down before passing each other safely (not that they did). After five minutes with Ru, Robby already wondered if he had the smallest idea in what kind of neighborhood he was strolling around. He just seemed to feel too…At ease? No, that wasn't it…Like he…Knew how streets like this worked. He didn't feel at ease in the slightest, that was clear, but…The streets didn't seem to surprise him. Yes, that was it. The streets didn't seem to surprise him. He knew how to handle it.
They turned left where Robby had done the same with Light, another narrow street, littered with people. There wasn't much space and you had to push your way through them.
Something Ru didn't seem to like.
"There is no way I am going through THAT. There has to be another w-HEY!"
Robby expected that. He took a fragile wrist in his hand, not too hard to make sure it wouldn't break in case it was as delicate as it looked (which wasn't the case, the limb felt stronger than Robby expected) and pulled Ru through the mass of people. He heard the boy behind him object and struggle, but he ignored it and tugged at the lithe arm, and after a minute, they were out of the mass again, where Ru pulled his arm back with power and glared at Robby, laying a hand on his butt as if he tried to feel if it still was there. Right, Lighto had complained about that too…Young men in these streets were always groped in masses like that. And poor Ru obviously wasn't used to that, he had to feel worse than just 'groped'…
"Ru, sorry, I forgot boys like you always get g-GUH!"
Robby felt his head fall back when a sneaker-clad foot made contact with his face. He had to take three steps back to make sure he wouldn't fall. For a second, he saw stars, and when he saw clear again, he noticed Ru six feet away from him, close to the ground. He had kicked him in the face. How had he done that, he wasn't tall enough…?
"Don't you dare to tell me the same happened to Light-kun."
Right, that was it…
"He complained about the same…It's okay, Ru, he didn't seem to make a problem out of it…"
The boy obviously tried not to snort. Jeez, what would it take to make him trust Robby…? Robby felt his face and neck, before noticing Ru was walking away again. Robby just followed and gave him instructions how he should walk. It would be useless to try to lead him like he'd let Lighto, Ru was just too...Opinionated. After for about ten minutes, two men he knew from the Shark-mission a few months ago, Jack and Gunner, walked at him. Yes, that had been fun…That man called Shark who owned most of the brothels around here had bought poison that intensified pain, to sell for use on the young prostitutes, without them knowing. Sick idiots, wanting those poor boys to feel pain and scream harder…Robby never paid for sex. It was low. The only reason for him (and the men he was facing now) to live in that horrible place was to help young boys who really needed help. And hell, there were lots of them…
The man with the black hair, Jack, with the same cross as always on his chest (how logical, if tattooed) walked at them and waved at Robby, before gawking at Ru.
"Robby, didn't know you went to those gay hookers! You said you didn't!"
Robby practically felt everything around Ru glow with red. Understandable, poor boy, being misunderstood for a hooker…Nothing against hookers, but if you weren't one…
"This one isn't. His boy is lost around here and we try to find him…"
Gunner, the blond man clad in purple leather pants walked to Ru and grabbed his chin. He was even taller than Robby and Ru was forced to lean forward when his head was pushed back. He visibly stiffened when he felt Gunner's body against his. Oh well, Gunner had always been like this…Making fun of the poor young boys…
"Really? Well, boy, you'd make lotsa money in this business! Consider it, right?"
Ru glared at Gunner, Robby knew, though he couldn't see his face.
"I believe he said I was not classified as a whore. And being called a 'gay hooker' is insulting for both me and all male prostitutes you are referring to. Please let go of my chin or I'll have to kick you."
Gunner brought his face closer. Ru didn't back off or look away. Brave thing, Gunner was a heavy smoker and loved garlic, Robby knew…He wondered if he should do something about it when Gunner grabbed Ru's ass and pressed his crotch against him.
"You are really cute. Seriously, how much would it cost to have you for myself for an hour or something…?"
Robby watched Ru slap Gunner's arm away in a swift movement and dive to the ground, to kick the blonds' face hard. How he did it was still a miracle for Robby. He doubted if it was necessary though, Gunner never paid for sex too, he just made jokes about it. He couldn't blame Ru anyway. Gunner always went too far with that, like Robby told him more often. The blond fell backwards and caught himself, his hand falling right in a fresh and big piece of blue chewing gum. He sat up and looked at it.
"Eww…"
Jack and Gunner. They were hero's. And Ru probably didn't know it…
"It is that I saw both your criminal records and know what you two did about those drugs. If not, I would've get you get arrested for assault. I also know both your real names, if you want to have it confirmed, you can ask."
Robby stared at Ru. How could he know that…He was so confident…Did he really know their names…? Robby didn't even know…The men looked impressed too. Jack looked at Ru and smiled.
"I don't know who you are, but I like you. But, tell, you said you lost your boy or something?"
Ru pointed at Robby with a slender index finger.
"He said, to be exact."
Jack grinned. Ru didn't look shy or anything in the least. Robby never expected that, to be honest. Jack hadn't either. Not that Ru looked shy or anything...
"The guy I look for is eighteen, for about my length, brunette. Tanned skin, slight build, civilized clothing and according to him," he pointed at Robby again, "has he been running around crying. Does one of you happen to recognize him?"
Jack and Gunner frowned, trying to remember if they saw him.
Jack nodded after a few seconds. "Yes, I believe I've seen him. It might've been eleven o'clock. Black shirt, red jeans? Pretty boy?"
Ru obviously tried to remember what Lighto had been wearing when he saw him for the last time. No, it didn't take a genius to figure out Lighto was pretty...
"…Yes, I believe so? Where have you seen him?"
This time Jack pointed over his shoulder. "In one of the streets over there. He just ran, he didn't seem to know where he was or where he was going. He cried. I followed him, but I lost him. I decided someone else would pick him up and went on…Wait, watch out."
Robby followed his mate's gaze and turned around, a few seconds before he'd be hit on his head again. Two bold guys with bats stood ten feet behind him. Right-o, they'd been watching him when he took Lighto to his apartment…Could it be them who hit him, back then…? Robby pulled his gun out of his pocket and heard his buddies pull theirs too. He took a look over his shoulder to make sure Ru stood behind them. He still didn't look insecure, though. In the split-second Robby saw him, he looked…Calculating…
Two dumb-looking gazes slid over the four men in front of them and rested on Ru's face.
"Huhuhu…Look, another one…"
Two pangs behind him and Robby froze when he heard his buddies scream in pain. He looked back again and noticed those kiddo's he saved Lighto from…The same yellow-haired guy with the triangle-shaped teeth, the same bulldozer with fat hiding his belt, and the same small boy with a gun that somehow looked too big for him. He had a new one, apparently, Robby had thrown his old one in a bin... The tall guy with the shark-like features licked his lips when he examined Ru. Robby shot a glance at his mates again. Their arms were bleeding, but they nodded at him. Ru looked anxious, up to what seemed to be the rooftops of the buildings next to him…Was that what he meant with 'if you touch me, you'll be shot'…? His surveillance seemed absent, though...
He looked to his right and left, and to Robby.
"Take those bat guys. I'll deal with the others-"
BANG
Robby saw the ground coming closer when his standing leg was hit by a bullet. For a second, he was blinded by pain. He tried to find balance on the ground and gripped on the stones, he had to see what was happening...Ru, he was standing alone now, what was he going to do...Robby looked up, nothing had changed, no one had moved yet.
Ru focused his gaze on the shark-like guy and Robby could practically hear the alarm bells ring in his head. The guy obviously noticed and smirked maliciously.
"Easy, look, I told you. What are they doing here anyway...?"
The scrawny boy turned his head to the tall guy pleadingly, as if begging him to confirm his importance.
"It looks like they were saving another hooker..."
It didn't work, he received a pat on the back of his head that was a little too hard to be jovial.
"C'mon, direct that gun at those cops on the ground, that hooker is unarmed."
Robby saw the skin around Ru's knuckles getting white, and he stiffened when the bold guys came closer. He threw one more look at the roof tops above him before he noticed the gang coming closer too.
Another few 'BANG's.
Four bullets sailed through the air with mastered perfection and blew away the bats of the broad men and the gun of the little guy, and the iron pipe in the fat guy's hands made a metallic sound when it fell on the stones, bullet stuck in it. Robby looked around. No one to see at the rooftop… Nope, his mates couldn't shoot like that with their arms wounded…They didn't seem to mind, though. Their eyes were directed to Ru.
Robby followed their gazes to a revolver held by pale hands, and the delicate arms holding them up. The heaving chest and the pale-white complexion, the most blank and controlled expression Robby had ever seen. The confidence in the black eyes.
Ru had unarmed all the attackers with four perfect shots.
"Ru…"
His face was white as a blanket, really. And he still didn't look scared or surprised by his own abilities in the least. His left shoe two feet away from Robby tapped on the stones.
"Give me your gun."
Robby looked around, to see his revolver laying two feet behind him. He took it and handed his revolver to Ru, who pointed it at the bold men, the other one at the stunned guys on his other side.
"Ru…"
Ru kept his gaze on his 'victims'.
"Is there something?"
It sounded polite, somehow. Robby couldn't but smile inwardly.
"Those guys…I saved Lighto from them…The small ones…"
The dark eyes sharpened, if possible. For a split-second, Ru's eyes flickered to Robby's direction. And back to the 'gang'.
"You three, go that way, or I'll have to shoot you."
True. There were five bullets left in Robby's favorite weapon.
The three guys did as they were told, though the scrawny and the fat boy acted slow and anxious because of the weapon threatening them, the tall guy not looking too impressed. Once the five evil creatures were grouped, Ru told them to put their hands up, and walked a little closer, his back straightened. He really looked like 5'8" now. Little bit taller, maybe. Though that still wasn't too tall in Robby's opinion. The creatures did as they were told, uneasy under Ru's guns, but even more under his stare, Robby noticed.
"Has one of you seen a brunette boy, eighteen years old, lost around here? Answer honestly, I'll figure you out anyway. If you don't I will shoot you and it's gonna hurt."
Robby had never seen anyone who could look and sound this impressive and dangerous, he was sure. He glanced at Jack and Gunner, who looked downright stunned someone like that could actually know how to hold a gun. The guy with the shark-like nose licked his lips again.
"Hehe, cute guy, your length, your age? You mean Virgie? He's not a virgin anymore, anywa-"
BANG
The whole group froze and yellow-haired guy frowned when he sniffed in the smell of burnt hair.
"Who the hell do you think you are?"
Ru didn't move.
"I think, that you know where he is and that you are going to lead me to him. I have enough bullets left; you aren't going to do anything about it."
For a minute, nothing happened. Ru kept the guns directed at the group, Robby and his mates only stared. The group did the same. Ru didn't shake, didn't sweat. Despite that, his thoughts were almost visible behind his eyes.
What did that guy just say, Lighto wasn't a virgin anymore…?
Lighto was-
"Should we take it over, Ryuzaki?"
Ru looked over his shoulder, to the face of a strong, but polite-looking elderly (and probably foreign, like Ru) man who was holding a gun too.
"Sorry we weren't here the last ten minutes, Matsuda-san thought he saw Light-san and we needed all our manpower to get him out of the trouble he caused. They should be arriving about…now."
Robby looked at the end of the alley to see four men appear, all of them holding guns. Policemen. He recognized them when he saw them. A strong-looking man with a moustache and wrinkles around his eyes and mouth that showed… fatherly concern. Lighto's Dad…? He had small facial similarities to him, now that Robby knew what he was looking for…A strong sense of justice was notched in his face and soul. Robby smiled. It had been long since he'd seen someone like that.
The second one was a young and clumsy-looking man, black hair and a gun too. He looked determined to shoot if necessary, though. Robby figured he was the 'Matsuda' who had caused trouble. The third one had a big afro and a big nose, and directed his gun at Gunner and Jack, who looked at him questioningly, and pointed at the group Ru was pointing his guns at. The fourth one was a broad man with short spikes, who was most likely taller than any man in the alley.
Robby hadn't seen Ru this relaxed yet. He visibly exhaled and turned back to the group.
"Where have you seen him last?"
The shark-like guy didn't seem the least impressed by all the guns directed at him.
"Turn around, turn left, third alley on your right hand, but don't think you'll see him back alive, ten minutes ago he was almost bye bye. Shame, I'd have loved to do that ass again."
The broad men behind him chuckled. Ru and Lighto's Dad froze and gripped their guns tighter.
"Watari, Asahi-san, we'll go there. Matsui, Aihara and Mochi, call the police and make sure they get arrested. Shoot them if necessary. Robby-"
Ru glanced down at Robby.
"Please make sure you and those two get to the hospital."
Robby nodded.
"You, make sure Lighto gets out alive. I'll see you again."
Ru nodded again and handed Robby his gun, looked at everybody for a last time and ran away, together with the older men. Robby sighed, and hoped Lighto would make it out alive.
Ru. What a special person.
He was so young. And all these men just followed his orders. He was almost like a super-genius or something…
Robby sighed and tried to stand up, holding himself up to the wall, and directed his gun at the group. He blinked when his buddies did the same, holding their guns in their other hand.
He looked at the men in front of him, and thought of what they'd done.
The police would come soon, he knew.
"You guys…are in big trouble, y'know."
Light blinked. He'd been gone…
Something woke him up again…
Shots…He'd heard gun shots…Where had they been…? Had they been gun shots anyway…
He knew nothing, absolutely nothing…And yet, he felt like…Like the end was near…
Just dark…A soft darkness, deep black, like slumber…Deeper…
Was this the real end…? Pain…Yes, pain…
No, it wasn't pain, it was warmth…His body was drugged…All the searing hurt was calmed down until it was just soft warmth…
Was it minutes passing, were it seconds, or were it hours…? Days or months…Years…
…No, that wasn't it…
A voice…Two voices…
He knew them…
They were calling his name…
Was that the end…? Voices calling your name…? The end wasn't so bad…
…Warm…
He opened his eyes for a second. A face…He knew that face…It was one of the first faces he'd ever seen…
'…Dad…You came…'
Where was the other face… There was another one he wanted to see…There…Yes…He recognized it…
'…You…Came too…'
Orange warmth…Outside…Inside…
…
Yagami Light…Was sure…He died…
…Happily…
Eyes shut…
Darkness…
…
Fading light…
…
The end.