A/N: Hi! It's good to see y'all again. Hope some of you are still here!

This isn't my best work but I hope you enjoy it anyway!

Rose is four

She tries very hard to be a good girl.

She tries very hard but she can't seem to get it right. She's always getting things wrong.

Rose loves her mommy very much—after all, what child doesn't? And her mommy loves her too, very very much.

She tries to be a good girl for her mommy because she loves her very much. She wants to be good for her, but she can't seem to get it right. Something's always wrong. She's always wrong.

Well, maybe not all was wrong. When daddy's home and mommy's happy—she is a good girl then. It's when daddy's at work and it's just her and mommy that she gets things wrong.

She's bad, she's bad, she's a bad girl!

But it's okay, because her mommy loves her anyway. Sometimes Rose forgets the rules, but mommy loves her anyway. Mommy punishes her when she can't follow the rules, but that too is because she loves her. Rose is young, small and stupid so she forgets that sometimes. But it's okay because mommy always reminds her

When mommy's done being angry she makes it all better after. She gets a tissue for Rose to blow her nose with, sometimes she kisses the parts of her that hurt to make it better. Mommy always holds her real tight after she's done being angry. Mommy always cries after she's done being angry. She hugs Rose tight—too tight—and she cries and says: "Mommy's sorry. Mommy's so sorry! She just got a little mad, that's all."

Rose knows her mommy loves her—even though sometimes she stupid and forgets—because everytime mommy says she's sorry and she cries. Rose feels bad because it's her fault for making mommy mad. If she was a good girl she wouldn't make mommy cry all the time.

Her and mommy play a game. It's a pretend game, and Rose loves pretend games. When daddy gets home, they don't tell him what happened. It's not lying because lying is bad. It's a game, just pretend, so it's okay.

Rose is good at pretend games.

When daddy asks how her day was, she can't mention things like how mommy put her in time-out in the closet for a long long time or anything like that. Instead she has to say things like: "Great! Me and mommy went to the park today. We had so much fun!"

It's not a lie. It's just pretend so it's okay.

Rose didn't understand why she needed to play the pretend game with daddy at first. Probably because she's small and stupid like mommy says. Because she's small and stupid and she doesn't understand, mommy explains.

Daddy would be very very angry with mommy if Rose didn't play the pretend game. Rose didn't want Daddy to be angry at Mommy, did she? She didn't want Daddy to leave her forever and never come back, did she?

Rose loves her mommy. She loves Daddy best. Rose doesn't want mommy to get in trouble for something that's her fault. She doesn't want her daddy to leave her and never come back.

Rose plays the game. She's very good at playing pretend and that makes mommy happy. Rose loves to make mommy happy.

—

Rose is Five

Rose is five and she's a big girl now! She goes to school now and everything!

Being a big girl means there are new rules she has to follow. Mommy explains it to her one night after she makes daddy go to the store for more milk—Mommy poured half a gallon down the drain so daddy would have to go. Rose doesn't mention this to daddy because it's a secret.

Once daddy's gone her mommy explains that, now that she gets to go to school like a big girl, she has to play the pretend game there too. With her teachers, her classmates, with anyone who asks. Again, Rose is small and stupid sometimes, so mommy has to tell her why she needs to play the game.

If Rose doesn't play the game at school, then they'll take her away from Mommy and Daddy. Somewhere far, far away where they'll never see her again. They'll take her away from mommy and daddy to go live with monsters like the ones in her storybooks.

Rose didn't want them to take her away, did she? She didn't want to go live with monsters, did she?

Rose is five. She's a big girl who loves her mommy and daddy. She doesn't want to live with monsters. She plays the game. She's a good girl.

Playing the game at school is easier than it is at home. The game works when someone asks you a question. At home daddy asks questions all the time. She only really has to play the game sometimes when she's at school, not all the time

Mommy is smart so she tells Rose what kind of questions to look out for when she's at school, just in case. They're questions like:

"Are mommy and daddy ever mean to you?"

"Do you like it at home?"

"Do mommy and daddy ever do anything that scares you?"

When you get hurt do mommy and daddy take you to the doctor?"

These are 'sneaky questions' mommy says. Questions that ask you one thing to get you to say something else. Questions that try to trick you.

They never ask at school. Rose doesn't know that this is because her mother is smart. She knows to put on a show with plenty of hugs and kisses when she drops Rose off and picks her up, knows to hide things where they're covered by shirts and pants, where people can't see.

That's also why, by the time she was about three, Rose's father isn't exactly allowed to change her clothes or give her a bath. Her mother doesn't outright say he's not allowed. It's not a house rule. It's a subtle thing. Her mother would insist on taking care of these duties ("I got it, don't worry.") Until it becomes routine and he stops asking. It's not a perfect conditioning. Sometimes he wants to help get her ready for bed, or clean her up after they've spent the day jumping in puddles together, and she has to bark out a "no!"

It's an odd request. He doesn't understand. Her mother makes the excuse that she wants to teach her early that certain parts of the body are inappropriate for someone of the opposite gender to see. Her father still doesn't understand. Sure, such things were important, but she's three and he's her father. Does she really think him giving their daughter a bath is inappropriate?!

He doesn't understand, so he pries. She insists. He pries some more. She gets angry. They fight. They fight some more. They fight so long they don't remember what started their argument anymore. They fight and they fight until he has no other choice but to drop it. He can't handle any more yelling.

It's weird, it's beyond weird. But he decides it must be some sort of compulsion, some sort of irrational mother's fear born out of a place of love, that'll go away eventually.

The need to hide from baths and under clothes isn't always necessary. More often than not it's not necessary but her mother is smart. She wants to establish things for when they are necessary. Planning one step ahead, always prepared. It's what got her this far.

—

There's one time—when daddy's not home and Rose's been bad and mommy gets angry—where something happens that can't be hidden under clothes. It was all very quick. There's pulling and yanking, and suddenly there's a snap, or-or a pop..? And Rose's arm is hot, hot and it hurts.

Mommy is sorry like she always is. And Rose knows she's sorry, but she can't stop crying because it hurts! Usually when mommy gets mad she just yells and that hurts Rose on the inside. Mommy doesn't normally hurt her on the outside. If she did it was small, quick, over fast— never like this.

Mommy makes her drink something to go to sleep. Mommy gives it to her sometimes, usually when she wants Rose to be quiet. She doesn't want it now, but mommy holds her mouth so she has to drink it anyway. By the time she wakes up it's morning and time to go to school. Her arm's still hot and it hurts even more than it did last night. She wants her daddy but he's not home, he's on a special trip for work. Daddy won't be home for another week, Rose knows because he marked it on the calendar for her in big bright marker so she'd miss him less.

Mommy holds her, kisses her and says she's "so, so sorry," like she always does. Except this time mommy says they need to play a special kind of pretend game. When Rose gets to school today, in the time before classes start and all the kids are out on the blacktop playing before it's time to go in, she has to climb to the top of the play structure and fall—that way she can say that's how her arm got hurt.

Rose cries. She cries because it hurts. Because she's scared to fall off the playground. Because she wants her daddy. Because she doesn't want to play the game anymore.

Mommy reminds her what happens if she doesn't play. Rose is scared—she's so scared—but the idea of losing her mommy and daddy is scarier. Mommy holds ice cubes under her eyes so they don't look red and puffy. It's too cold so it hurts her skin but mommy says she has to.

"You don't want the other kids to think you're a crybaby do you? Just hold still."

She has to drink more sleepy medicine in the car. Before they get there mommy makes her repeat what she's supposed to do.

Make sure the playground monitor's not watching. Climb up. Fall. Cry.

Before mommy leaves she calls her a good girl. Her, "beautiful, beautiful rose." And that makes her feel good. She loves making mommy happy.

Rose is a good girl, not a bad girl. Good girls do as they're told.

She waits, she falls, and she cries. The crying is the easiest part. She has to go in an ambulance and she's scared because mommy didn't mention this part. At the hospital they say things like, "Five year old girl, fell off the playground at school resulting in a suspected fracture of the left arm."

They ask her questions. But Rose is a good girl. Smart and not stupid, because she listens to her mommy. She knows what 'sneaky questions' are. She doesn't tell them her arm hurt before she fell and not after. It's not a lie. It's just pretend, and that makes it okay.

It gets much better when mommy gets to the hospital. Mommy's the best at the pretend game. She comes in upset and asks the doctors what happened over and over like she doesn't already know the answer.

(She's so good at pretending that any red flags that might've been waving in the doctor's head are immediately put away at the sight of the concerned mother fussing over her only child, while cursing the school for being so careless under her breath. Truly a broadway worthy performance)

The doctors make her arm all better. She gets to wear a cool cast and she even gets to pick the color. Mommy says she gets to eat all the ice cream she wants for being such a good girl for the doctors. And Rose feels good. She should never have doubted mommy. It's always best to play the pretend game, like she says.

Something even better than ice cream happens after that. Daddy comes home a whole week before the calendar says he's supposed to! Mommy's happy again and that makes Rose happy. So so happy!

Daddy says he came home because he heard she got hurt. He brings her back a snowglobe like he promised and calls her his "big brave girl". They have ice cream for dinner that day and watch movies until it's bedtime. Then daddy comes to tuck her in and read her a story before bed. She doesn't have to go to school tomorrow and daddy promises he'll stay home too and make her waffles.

Sometimes Rose doesn't always like the pretend game. But today was the best day ever, even with all the scary parts, because daddy's home and they got to spend the whole day together. She got all that from playing the game.

Good things happen when you play the game, and Mommy's right, Mommy's always right.