A dull throbbing ache reverberated inside my tight chest. My heartbeat like a wounded drum. The air inside my room was thick and heavy, almost suffocating. I curled into a pathetic little ball under my covers. Knees pressed against my chest, I locked my arms around them, and sobbed quietly to myself until the late November sun peaked through my window.
Nausea whirled through my head in a low almost artificial hum. It was like the lights in the tower were too loud. A near inaudible drone buzzing inside my skull. It was the perfect frequency to make my stomach churn. I stood in my shower, letting the warm water run over my body, praying for some kind of cure to this horrible feeling inside me. My mind teetered back and forth on whether or not the emotions were my own or a manifestation. I did feel sick. Recounting my meeting with Loki stirred something unpleasant inside me. Doubt? Fear? Despair? Perhaps all three mixing together caused an unstable reaction in me. There was also something strange about it. Something foreign. A waning reserve of strength that didn't belong to me. I could feel echoing somewhere within tower, but I couldn't pinpoint where. As soon as I caught the scent, it disappeared.
I shook my head to relieve myself of the thought. Loki was probably getting better at masking himself to me. While it was worrying to think he could build a defense against my abilities, it also sort of solacing. Not carry another person's burdens. I took it as merciful rather than conniving.

No one came to my door that morning. I had no texts. No phone calls. I waited around in my room for another hour before rushing out the door. I had to get out of the tower. The lights were buzzing in my ear and the air felt like tar in my lungs.
I bundled up in a thick wool jacket and wrapped a crochet scarf around my mouth. It helped filter the air a little bit. Showing my hands in my pockets, I scurried out of Avenger's tower.
The crisp city wind whipped across my face. Snow delicately tumbled down like flakes of ash. Even with the bustling sidewalks and cacophony of car horns and sirens blaring in my ears, the city felt a hundred times quieter than the tower. Tourists and New Yorkers scuttled past me. Their voices merging into one incoherent noise. I somberly ushered through the solid sea of bodies, wandering carelessly. I wanted to be far away from here. Away from the racket. Away from the leaden air.
I sucked the gale of winter through my scarf and into my lungs. A refreshing, yet bitter sting, splintered through my chest. It quailed the thrumming ache.
I must have walked a mile before I truly disburdened. Avenger's tower was still a monolith in the distance. A chrome spire amongst the tall buildings and skyscrapers. The all-mighty glow of the lapis A illuminating like a beacon of hope. I felt so small. To think that I had a place there. Every day civilians crowded around the building, hoping to catch a glimpse of Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, or one of the other heroes they idolized. Millions of strangers looked to the tower for inspiration. A reminder that heroes exist. That everyday people could do spectacular things. Staring at it made me uneasy. Only I knew what laid behind those walls. Maybe a better person would've rushed back, charging into the depths of the tower with all the vigor to fight off an alien threat with their bare fists and gusto. I was strong enough to admit that I wasn't that person.
My feet moved without a destination. I kept my eyes fixed to the frost covered cement as I trudged further south. I should've at least tried to figure out where I was going. Wandering New York could be dangerous. Especially for someone so mentally fragile. I wanted to kick myself when I stopped. My eye caught the glint of a bronze plaque. Heavy black slate wielded to the side of an older builder. Its thick border made of polished rustic bronze. Over a hundred names immortalized.

"Battle of New York: May 4th, 2012
Gone, but Never Forgotten"

I scoured the plaque a dozen times. Kareem Haden, Carolyn Mulligan, Roxanne Nash, Kelsie Lim, Stannis Pope, and so many more. My mind filled the empty space where their faces should be, etching in people I knew in their place. These names could've easily been my friends back home. My family. If Loki chose Detroit over New York, my name could've been up there. Why did I stop here? I thought to myself. The wind nipped my skin. It prickled in my lungs like fragments of ice-cold glass. Each breath, I could feel my chest go tight. Antoine Booth, Samuel Haines, Miles Logan, Corrina Castillo, and Jayden Lee. I knew a Jayden Lee in high school. He was one of those nice football players on the varsity team. A senior who protected freshmen from cruel juniors. He helped me find my first science class. For the next week, he made sure I knew where my classes were.
I wondered where he was now. We never spoke after that week, but he smiled at me in the hall. 2012, we would've been in school. This couldn't have been that Jayden Lee, but...it struck an unpleasant chord in the pit of my stomach. One that made my stomach churn again.
He's manipulating you.
Shut up, Hanna. I thought to myself.
Mitchell Castillo, Julia Castillo, Jazmin Castillo...were they a family? Or just a common last name? Did it matter? Four Castillos taken from this earth.
People still left flowers by the memorial. Stuffed animals holding roses and hearts with pretty ribbons tied around their necks. Candles with blackened wicks and craters in the wax. Photographs of smiling faces no longer here.
"The Chitauri have 192 ways to say 'hate'" Loki's voice reverbed in my head. The same Chitauri that poured through the broken sky and destroyed most of Manhattan. He learned their language. He rode with them into battle. Hell, they followed him into battle.
I was reading the names again, trying to match them with pictures, when my phone buzzed in my pocket. My hand tightened around it. "Dr. Bruce Banner," appeared on the screen.
"Hello," I answered.
"Hey, little earth girl," replied a coy and sultry voice. Loki's voice. My stomach hurt. Cold skeletal fingers slowly squeezed around my heart.
"Hey," I tried to sound okay, but my voice was weak with frigid fear.
"I've been running around the tower all morning looking for you. Are you okay?" he asked sweetly.
I peered up at the memorial. "Yeah. I'm sorry. I wasn't feeling well this morning, so I took a quick walk to get some air." It wasn't a lie, but it still felt dishonest. I chose to trust him. So why was it so difficult?
"I'm sorry to hear that. Did it help?" he sounded so concerned. Genuine worry trailed along his voice.
"I don't know yet."
There was a small pause. I turned away from the plaque. I couldn't help but feel guilty. I began walking away hoping to put a distance between myself the pain. "Well, hurry back, bunny. I have something I want to show you," Loki sighed.
"I'll be there," I said.
"I'll see you then," he finished. There was an awkward pause. "End..." I heard him mutter away from the phone. "End...why is this so difficult? Banner! Fix your device!"
I could hear Dr. Banner chuckle on the other end. A small smile crept over my lips. A small giggle escaped from the dark depths of my despair like thin thread of light. The call ended and I headed back to the tower.

I was about a block away, still racked with guilt and temptation, when I heard a cry. A deep strong howl of pain that rang in the air. It was like it was being carried by the wind, echoing in my ear. I snapped my head. No one responded to it. No one even looked up. It rang again, more hushed than before. I realized it only in my head. A manifestation of someone's pain beating against my skull. Did I know the voice? It stopped before I could tell.
I pushed through the tower doors, showing the guard my I.D., and raced towards Banner's lab.
The glass doors slid open for me. Dr. Banner sat at the hologram table, hunched over the surface, as he read over a document projected into the air. Nordic runes carved into an old, weathered stone. I scanned the rest of the lab. Nothing.
"Where is he?" I panted. My chest was tight again. Those cold boney fingers digging deeper into the soft tissue of my heart.
Dr. Banner turned around to face me. "You just missed him. I think he's with Hanna in her office. Hey, are you feeling okay? You look a little pale."
I felt pale. The color drained from my face as sweat dripped over my brow. My hands went cold. My muscles numb. It squeezed harder, knocking the wind from my lungs. I keeled over as a rush of blunt pain rammed into my stomach. I couldn't breathe. It felt like I was being suspended from my neck, my toes just touching the floor. Enough to keep me alive at least.
"Elaina!" Banner called as he rushed towards me. I felt his hesitation to touch me, but still tried to help me to my feet. My legs wouldn't move. My bones felt like stone, joints welded in place.
Another hard surged, this time against my back. I fell over again. I couldn't move my arms to catch myself. My face hit the floor. I felt a crunch along the bridge of my nose with the impact. Blood trickled down my cupid's bow, running along the outline of my lips. I gasped for air. Anything. It was like breathing through a flattened straw. I opened my mouth to scream, but the sound was lost in my throat.
I was losing my vision. A hazy darkness clouded around my eyes as the copper taste of blood slipped over my tongue. He was there again. His crimson silhouette appearing in the corner of the room. I could see his gore-stained shirt. It all went black before I saw his face. Silence.