A/N: Hey everyone! Writer's block cured! :D

Merlin hadn't been sure what his future would be after Gaius' death.

He supposed he'd never really thought about it. Gaius was old, sure, but he just seemed like the type of person who would live forever. He never had trouble getting around, never stopped working - it was entirely out of the blue, so Merlin had no reason to be prepared.

As much as he'd hate admitting it to Arthur, he loved being his servant. It was a lot of work, and sometimes he got teased by Arthur and the other knights, but when push came to shove, he'd give a hundred days in the stocks to remain Arthur's servant.

But of course, someone had to fill the position of court physician. Gaius had always seemed to have his heart set on Merlin taking up the torch once he passed or retired, but what did that mean for his job as Arthur's servant? He couldn't realistically do both, and no one else had been trained by Gaius.

He reasoned that for the time being he would fill the empty position as Court Physician, and later, if he found a replacement worthy of taking on Gaius' craft, perhaps he would pass on the torch to them. He couldn't bear to ignore Gaius' wishes. When Gaius was alive and well, he'd said a few times he didn't really see himself as court physician and had no problem saying it, but now that Gaius was gone and it was essentially his dying wish, Merlin couldn't find it in his heart to deny his guardian of that respect.

He cleaned his hands in the bucket of water as Gaius instructed, also washing his face. It wasn't even sunrise yet, but he already had deliveries to make - there were three people who needed their medication right before breakfast, and whose occupations required early rising, so about once every two weeks he'd go to their homes before sunrise to deliver the refilled prescriptions. He knew that in theory, he could ask a guard to do it for him, but recalled what Gaius had told him not long before when he asked if it would be alright to pass along the menial jobs like that to the guards.

"Remember Merlin, if one of your patients hears your name, they must know that they can trust it. They must be confident in your abilities and trust in the idea that you care for their wellbeing, and such a relationship does not come from simply brewing the potions. It comes from listening when they need it, allowing them to confide in you the conditions they may be nervous or embarrassed to explain to others, and showing them that you, personally, are there to help them. Not some faceless old crow who never leaves the castle."

He quickly got dressed and placed the vials of colored liquids into his satchel, each marked with the initials of the patients who would be receiving them in case of potions with similar colors or scents. As he tossed the strap over his shoulder and hurried out the door, he felt a pang of guilt settle in his chest. Gaius often did this, and yet managed to always be back in time to make breakfast for Merlin. Even so, Merlin was often less than appreciative, or hurried out the door without acknowledging his effort. It must've been another reason Gaius left.

Of course, Merlin could not be sure of this, but he had a feeling that Gaius' death was not completely involuntary. He had no doubts that it was a result of old age, but Gaius was no ordinary old man. He may not have been born with it as Merlin was, but he had magic, and it was certainly a part of him. As he grew older it likely grew weaker, but the bond that magic has to a sorcerer never breaks, nor weakens. Not with a sorcerer like Gaius, who was practiced in his craft and had spent years mastering his skills and perfecting his spells. His magic would not make him immortal, not even to the extent of Morgana's invulnerability, but would certainly make him nearly immune to age-related deaths until well past the hundred-and-ten's. Gaius was old, but not that old.

The only difference he could really see was that Gaius could let go of his magic. He could allow it to leave him, and succumb to a death not prevented by his inherent magical abilities, if he saw fit to do so. It would be the sort of difference between living with somewhat uncomfortable treatments to a chronic illness, or not living at all. He couldn't help but feel that somehow Gaius didn't consider it to be worth it to live, because Merlin wasn't worth it. He hated that feeling and tried to push it out of his mind, but he knew Gaius had made a choice, as much as he wished to deny it.

As he walked through the deserted corridors of the castle, he noticed a flash of brown hair, not like Gwaine's, much shorter. It was fleeting, someone had hurried across the hallway on the other side. He jogged all the way down the corridor and peeked around the side, looking for the person's face, but could see no one there. He turned back around, trying to recall where the first person on his list's house was.

As he spun he saw Lance, standing not five feet away from him. He gasped, and had it not been for the robust strap on his bag would've surely dropped the vials and lost hours of work to the stoney floor. He blinked, and Lance was gone, if he was ever really there.

Merlin took a deep breath, eyes squeezed shut. Count to ten, he thought to himself. 1, 2, 3...

His eyes fluttered open for a split second and Freya was standing right in front of him, dress soaked with water, eyes wide and unblinking. He gasped and jumped backwards, not bothering to try counting and just running away from the ghost of his deceased love. He almost hesitated - almost stayed there and walked up to her, hugged her. He felt stupid running away from the one person who, although he never really spoke about it, would give his life to be with for one more day. One more minute.

But that wasn't her. It was a hallucination.

If nothing else, he was grateful he still possessed the presence of mind to see that.

He hurried through the castle to the lower towns, allowing the jog to shake off some of the lingering anxiety from the visions. He delivered each vial just on time - one of them only barely - before he began to return to Gaius' chambers to begin the lunch batch. He had forgotten about breakfast before he left, but he couldn't bring himself to feel hungry either way. He knew he was thin, if he looked at his chest he was almost certain he'd be able to count his own ribs. But he felt like if he ate a single thing he'd only throw it up anyway, so what was the point?

The lunch batch was easier to complete, less time consuming and far more pleasantly scented.

He didn't expect Arthur to visit that day, and in truth Arthur hadn't planned on it. In a bought of impulse he felt he needed to see Merlin, he needed Merlin to confide in him again. He'd barely seen the young warlock since Gaius' death, and when he did it always seemed awkward and intentionally brief.

He didn't hesitate when he entered the room. He walked straight towards a surprised and a bit startled from the sound of the door opening Merlin, and wrapped his arms around Merlin's shoulders in a tight hug.

"Merlin, I know you don't want to talk. I don't know if you feel like you can't, or if you just don't want to. But whatever it is, I don't care. You need to talk to someone, you can't hide your feelings forever. Not from me, not from Gwaine, not from Gwen - not from any of the people who care very much about you and want to see you happy." Merlin's arms were raised slightly, not reciprocating the hug yet, although he didn't protest. "I care about you very much. You're my dearest friend and you've lost someone important to you. It's okay to feel sad, it's okay not to feel anything. It's okay if you're angry or any other feeling you could think of, but please, I'm begging you to talk to me. I'm loosing my mind not being able to see you, you've been distant and I won't let you leave your friends. I won't let you leave me."

Arthur's voice was breaking at the last few sentences, and Merlin felt a tear roll down his cheek, then another. He slowly wrapped his arms around Arthur, relaxing into the hug. He felt a wave of sadness rise from his chest and began to sniff quietly, then just started crying. He'd not cried, not yelled. Not done anything since Gaius died. Now he was doing all of those things - crying, yelling, trying to punch the ground as the two sunk to their knees, still wrapped in a long overdue embrace. They'd never really hugged before, never really shown any affection beyond a pat on the back or the occasional slap. Now, even as Merlin fell apart in front of him, Arthur held him tightly, not letting go, not leaving him.

Maybe Gaius chose to leave him, but Arthur was there for him still. As far as he was concerned, that's all he needed.

He wasn't sure how much time passed between when Arthur came into Merlin's room and they stopped hugging, but it had been enough time that Arthur had sent off guards to deliver the potions. Merlin didn't have the energy to object, nor the desire to. He missed Arthur, missed being close to him, talking to him.

"W-Would you stay the night? Tonight?" Merlin asked a bit, trying to keep his voice steady. Arthur's eyes were filled with emotion, so much so Merlin couldn't bear to make eye contact for fear of breaking down again. Arthur smiled. "Of course."

Merlin pointed to Gaius' bed. "You can sleep there, if you want."

Arthur looked over at the still untouched bedsheets that hadn't been moved and clearly not slept in since Gaius left them. The same wrinkles were left in the sheets, the same slightly askew angle of the pillow.

"I wouldn't dream of it. I'll take the floor, you sleep in your own bed. You don't need to disturb his bed for me."

Merlin nodded, smiling a bit. "Okay," he said. "Okay." He repeated, a bit stronger now.

"Okay."