Maya sat on the toilet some period of time, though she had no idea how long, staring at her underwear with her hand on her stomach. Eventually, she bent down, pulling her phone out of her pants pocket, hand shaking as she called her wife who she knew was at work this morning.
"Hello Bambina," Carina said, clearly on speaker as she answered, "I am in the middle of a hysterectomy and you are on speaker in the OR."
"Carina," Maya said, voice shaking, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Oh Bambina, what happened?" Carina said, figuring Maya was probably just extremely emotional like she had been the past month and a half, "Did Travis take the last of your lemonade again?"
"Carina," Maya sobbed out again, this time, Carina hearing that something was very wrong.
"Maya, what's going on?" Carina asked as she cauterized another vessel.
"I…I went to the bathroom…Carina, there's blood," Maya sobbed out, "I…I'm bleeding. I think I'm losing the baby."
"Ok," Carina said, trying to remain calm though she stopped working for a second as the OR went completely silent, "Is anyone at the station with you?"
"Vic," Maya said, still sobbing.
"Ok," Carina said, "I am going to call her and have her come help you and bring you to the hospital, ok? I will call you right back."
"Don't hang up," Maya said, tears flowing down her cheeks, "Please?"
"Ok," Carina said, looking at the OR nurse who had answered her phone, "Text Vic Hughes and ask her to go to the upstairs bathroom to help Maya please? Ok Bambina, the nurse is texting Vic right now. I'm still right here. Are you having any cramping Bambina?"
"No," Maya said, "Not really."
"That's a good sign," Carina said, trying desperately to stay strong for her wife and finish this surgery which she was almost done with, "Just keep breathing for me ok?"
Suddenly, Maya heard footsteps running into the bathroom.
"Maya," Vic said, knocking on the door, "Hey, Carina texted. Are you ok?"
"Not really," Maya said miserably, unlocking the door, not really caring if Vic saw her at this point, "I'm bleeding."
"Oh Maya," Vic said, feeling her stomach drop for her friend.
"Bambina, Vic is with you now, si?" Carina said though the phone, "I am going to go, but I will meet you at the hospital, ok?"
"No," Maya cried, "Don't go."
"Bambina, I need to finish this surgery," Carina said, her heart breaking as her wife cried, "But I am almost done and hopefully, by the time you get here, I can be down in the ER, ok? Go with Vic."
"Ok," Maya said, voice shaking.
"I love you Bambina," Carina said, "I'm sorry I'm not there with you right now."
"I'm sorry…" Maya started to say only to have her voice fail again.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," Carina said, "I will see you in a few minutes. Whatever happens, it's going to be ok. I love you."
"I love you too," Maya said, handing up the phone.
"Ok," Vic said, "What's going on?"
"I had to pee and when I took down my pants, blood," Maya said, gesturing to her underwear.
"Let's get you to the hospital, ok?" Vic said, "Do you need an aid car or…"
"We can just take a car," Maya said, grabbing some toilet paper, feeling her stomach turn when she saw blood on it after she wiped.
"Alright," Vic said, stepping out of the stall as Maya stood up, pulling up her pants and walking out looking incredibly pale, "You ok?"
Maya was about to answer when she bent over, projectile vomiting on the bathroom floor, Vic jumping out of the way, making sure Maya's hair was out of the way as she continued to be sick.
"Ok," Vic said as Maya's stomach seemed to settle, "You good?"
"No," Maya said, tears filling her eyes again.
"I know," Vic said, her hear breaking for her friend, "Do you think you can move at least?"
"Yeah," Maya nodded, looking down at the floor, "I need to clean this…"
"We will take care of it later, ok?" Vic said, "Right now, let's just get you to the hospital."
Maya nodded, taking a paper towel Vic offered her, wiping her mouth as her friend wrapped an arm around her shoulder and guided her out of the bathroom, sitting her on a bench in the locker room, sliding a trashcan in front of her.
"I am going to go get stuff ready to go," Vic said, "I will be right back, ok?"
Maya nodded, putting her elbows on her knees as she rode out another intense wave of nausea washed over her, keeping the trashcan between her knees. Vic ran around the station, grabbing Maya's wallet, an emesis basin, and an extra towel, putting up a sign on the door letting people know that the station currently was not open. She made sure she had her phone and her car keys before going back upstairs, finding Maya still looking miserable.
"Come on," Vic said, helping Maya up, "Let's go get you checked out."
Vic got Maya into her car, the two of them silently driving to the hospital.
"I don't think I can do this," Maya said as they pulled up, "I can't go in there and hear….I can't do it Vic. Take me back to the station."
"Maya, I am sure this is terrifying," Vic said, "But going back to the station is not going to help anything. Let's go find your wife. Whatever happens, you will feel better with her, ok?"
Maya nodded as Vic went around to help her out of the car. They quickly walked to the ER, Maya immediately spotting Dr. Johnson and Carina.
"Hey," Carina said, pulling Maya into her arms as, "I'm here. It's going to be ok."
"I've got a room ready," Dr. Johnson said.
"Do you want me to stay?" Vic asked, biting her lip.
"I think we are ok," Carina said, still rubbing Maya's back as the blonde sobbed into her chest, "I will text you as soon as we know what is going on."
"Ok," Vic said, "I…I hope everything is ok."
"Thanks," Carina said, "And thank you for bringing her here."
"Yeah," Vic said as Carina and Maya walked away.
"Ok Maya," Dr. Johnson said, "Let's get your pants off and get you on the bed, ok? I am going to go grab one thing I forgot."
"Just stay still," Carina said, bending down and pulling off Maya's pants and underwear, trying not to start crying when she saw the red stain there, "Step out of these."
Carina quickly discarded the pants and underwear before grabbing a chux and laying it down on the bed before helping her wife up onto the bed as well, laying her down, covering her with a blanket.
"I feel sick," Maya groaned, rolling over a little bit as Carina grabbed an emesis basin, holding it under her wife's mouth as she threw up.
"Ok," Carina said, rubbing her back, "It's going to be ok."
Just then, Dr. Johnson came back in.
"Ok," she said, grabbing the transducer to try to find the fetal heartbeat, "Let's see if we can find the heartbeat. Even if we can't that doesn't mean anything. The baby could have moved or be in a harder to detect position and we will use the ultrasound to find them, ok?"
Maya nodded, clinging to Carina's hand as silent tears rolled down her pale cheeks. Suddenly, a familiar sound filled the room as the whooshing of the fetal heartbeat began.
"Is that…?" Maya asked, looking at her wife.
"I think so," Carina said, her brain not functioning correctly as she looked at Dr. Johnson.
"That is the baby's heartbeat," Dr. Johnson said, "And it is 154 which is healthy and strong. I want to get an ultrasound to figure out the cause of the bleeding, but that beautiful heartbeat is a good sign."
"So the baby isn't gone?" Maya asked, more tears filling her eyes.
"No," Carina said, shaking her head, eyes shockingly dry as she comforted her wife.
"Ok Maya," Dr. Johnson said, "Let's see what's going on."
Dr. Johnson put some warm gel on Maya's stomach, moving the ultrasound probe around for a second before turning the screen so both Maya and Carina could see.
"Here is your little baby," Dr. Johnson said as the baby moved around, "They look great. They are moving and they look like they are a good size. I will measure them in just a minute, but first I want to…"
"That's what's going on," Carina said as the ultrasound probe moved around.
"What?" Maya said, not really knowing what she was looking at, "Is something wrong?"
"You have a small subchorionic hematoma," Dr. Johnson said, "That looks like it turned into a subchorionic hemorrhage which I know sounds scary, but it is just a small part of your amniotic sac that disconnected from your uterus. It is something that happens more often than you might think, and while it is something we are going to have to watch, it is not something to worry too much about, ok?"
"Is it going to hurt the baby?" Maya asked, biting her lip.
"At this size, no," Dr. Johnson said, "It is something we will watch and if it gets very large, it could pose some issues, but many women have these and never know. There is a very very tiny increased risk of miscarriage with a subchorionic hematoma, but only if it gets much larger than this one is. For now, though, everything is ok."
"How do we treat it?" Maya asked, stomach churning uncomfortably again.
"I want you to rest for the next 48 hours," Dr. Johnson said, "I'm not going to put you on strict bed rest, but I want you resting as much as possible, ok? Just stay home and let your wife dote on you. And then I will want to see you back in a week or so just to check unless the bleeding changes."
Maya rolled toward Carina again, the Italian holding the emesis bucket as her wife was sick yet again.
"How often has that been happening?" Dr. Johnson asked as Maya finished.
"I have been sick several times since the bleeding started," Maya said, accepting a tissue that Dr. Johnson handed her, "I think it's mostly just anxiety. But I also haven't been holding anything besides strawberry lemonade for the past three days and that has been hit or miss at times."
"I want to keep you here under observation for an hour or two and give you some fluids," Dr. Johnson said, "If the vomiting doesn't let up, I want to admit you for more fluids and an overnight observation."
"I don't want to be admitted," Maya said, lip quivering a little as tears welled up in her eyes.
"I know," Dr. Johnson said, "And I don't want you to have to be either, but I also need you to be holding down fluids, ok?"
Maya nodded, knowing her doctor was right.
"Ok," Dr. Johnson said, "I am going to send a nurse in with an IV. Once the bag is out, as long as you haven't gotten sick again, I will let you go."
"Grazie," Carina said as her co-worker got ready to leave the room.
"Is there anything else either of you need?" Dr. Johnson asked, "Carina, I will go call Davis and see if she can come to cover the rest of your shift. You don't need to keep working today."
"Thank you," Carina nodded, hand still holding tightly to her wife's, "Bambina, do you need anything?"
"Did I do something that caused this bleed?" Maya asked, tears in her eyes.
"No," Dr. Johnson said, "These things just happen sometimes. Sometimes they are caused by trauma, but I don't think you have had any trauma recently, and high blood pressure can cause it, but we can barely keep your blood pressure on the very low end of normal lately so it's not that. Honestly, it is probably just a random occurrence, though the fact that this baby was conceived using IVF did put you at an increased risk, but we aren't really sure why that is. It just happens."
"So I didn't hurt the baby?" Maya asked, hand on her stomach.
"No," Dr. Johnson said reassuringly, "You didn't do anything, ok?"
Maya nodded, biting her lip as Carina brushed a tear off her cheek.
"I'll be back to check on you in a little while," Dr. Johnson said, "Carina, I will check on your patients."
"Thank you," Carina said as Dr. Johnson left.
As soon as the door closed, Maya burst into tears again.
"Come here Bambina," Carina said, pulling her wife close, "It's ok. Trottolino is ok. You are ok. Everyone is going to be fine."
"I really thought I lost them," Maya sobbed out, "I thought we were going to lose the baby and then we were going to have to tell the bambine the baby was gone and all our friends and I just…I was so scared."
"I know," Carina said, rubbing her wife's back, "I know. I was scared too. But Trottolino is safe and sound."
"Why does this keep happening?" Maya cried, "Why do these complications and challenges keep coming up?"
"I don't know Bambina," Carina said, holding Maya closer, "I wish I did and that I could make them stop, but we have no control over any of this. This little baby seems to not want us to have a moment of peace which makes me a bit nervous for after they are born."
"After all of this, they have to give us a break," Maya said, laughing through her tears, "Or we are in big trouble."
Just then, there was a knock at the door and a nurse walked in.
"Oh, I can come back," the nurse said, seeing the emotional state Maya was in.
"No," Maya said, wiping her eyes, "No, I'm ok."
"I am just going to get this IV in," the nurse said, walking over to Maya.
"Thank you," the blonde said as the nurse got right to work, finding a good vein to get the IV into.
"Alright," the nurse said, "I am going to hang these fluids. The bag should take about two hours to run, and if everything goes well, Dr. Johnson will come and discharge you. Let me know if you need anything between now and then, ok?"
"Thank you," Maya said as she leaned back against the bed.
"You can sleep Bambina," Carina said, seeing the exhaustion written all over her wife's pale face.
"Can you text Vic and tell her we are ok?" Maya slurred, struggling to keep her eyes open.
"I will," Carina said, "But you need to close your eyes. I will be right here."
Maya nodded a little bit as she fell asleep, snores starting as soon as she settled. Carina kept her hand holding her sleeping wife's as she pulled out her phone, texting Vic. To Vic: Hey. Thank you for taking such good care of Maya and bringing her in. She and the baby are both ok. It is just a subchorionic bleed. She should be fine but she is being forced to stay home for the next two days to rest. But she and the baby will be fine. Carina sent off the next before looking at her wife, seeing the puffiness in her face that was so indicative of how much crying had happened today. She took a deep breath, trying to steady her breathing but failing, breaking down into tears. She hadn't really let herself feel all of the fear that Maya's call had brought because she had to be there for her patient and then her wife, but now that she knew everything was fine, she couldn't hold it together anymore, tears running down her cheeks hard and fast. She heard a knock on the door, trying to stop her tears as she called quietly that the person could come in. The door opened and Amelia Shepard poked her head in.
"What's wrong?" Amelia asked, immediately seeing how upset her friend was.
"I…" Carina tried to speak but she just couldn't breaking down into tears again.
"Oh Carina," Amelia said, quickly walking over to her friend, pulling her into a hug, "I'm right here. Whatever is happening, I am right here."
Carina just clung to Amelia and cried as the neurosurgeon held her. Eventually, the tears tapered off some, Carina pulling away as Amelia grabbed some tissues, handing them to her.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Amelia asked, sitting down in a chair next to Carina.
"Maya was bleeding," Carina said, Amelia's face dropping as she stayed silent, "Or is bleeding maybe. She's ok and the baby is ok, but when she called me….when she told me that…I told you about my miscarriage before the twins, right? Hearing that my pregnant wife was bleeding took me back to that night and the fear and the terror and the sadness that felt so big that there was part of me that thought that we would never have a baby because that pain was so big, but then we had the twins and we were parents and a tiny part of me always remembers the miscarriage, but most of those big, hard, scary feelings faded and it was like…getting that call from Maya today brought every one of those feelings back but in a new and awful way because I was also scared for my wife and hearing everything was ok…I want to believe it, and I do believe it, but it's like my body is still feeling all those feelings."
"I get it," Amelia said, nodding, "You remember how big of a mess I was when I was pregnant with Scout and again with Harper. They were both healthy and I knew that, but feelings I had when I was pregnant with Christopher would come in and terrify me and I would work myself up every time we had a big scan and even after I saw they were fine, I would be an anxious mess for the rest of the day because that's just how it goes sometimes and I would go home and cry to Link and let him hold me and allow myself to work through those feelings and you are allowed to do the same. I can't even imagine how scary it must have been to get that call from Maya."
Carina took a shaky breath, rubbing her eyes as she looked over at her wife.
"What can I do?" Amelia asked, rubbing her friend's back, "Do you want me to leave you alone or stay here or sit here with her so you can go get some air or something else?"
"I don't know," Carina said truthfully, wiping her eyes again, "I just…I want this to not be as complicated as it has been. I want my wife to feel better and my baby to be safe and everything to just stop being so…so much."
"Well, I can't help you much with that one," Amelia sighed, "I can try yelling at the baby to cooperate."
"I try convincing them every day to be kinder to their mommy," Carina said, "But they can't control it. I'm ok. Or I will be."
"How about I go get you some coffee?" Amelia asked, "I just got off shift so I can go get it from someplace good."
"Maya can't do the smell of coffee right now," Carina said, shaking her head, "And I don't want it bad enough to leave her side."
"How about some hot tea?" Amelia asked, "And maybe something to eat?"
"Ok," Carina nodded, "Yeah, that sounds good. Thank you Amelia."
"What do you want to eat?" Amelia asked, standing up.
"Um, maybe a salad," Carina said, "No meat on it though."
"Ok," Amelia nodded, "I'll be back in a little while. Text me if you need anything else."
"Grazie," Carina said as her friend left.
Once the neurosurgeon was gone, Carina grabbed her phone again, seeing Vic had texted her back.
To Carina: Oh good. I'm so happy it wasn't something more serious. How is she doing? And how are you doing? Do you need anything?
To Vic: Maya is sleeping. Her stomach is not very happy right now so they have her on an IV to rehydrate her. I am fine. This was hard, but I'm glad they both should be ok. I think we are good for now. Thank you.
To Carina: Yeah, I think the whole station saw how her stomach was feeling today. She got sick all over the bathroom floor and the team got back from their call before I got it cleaned up. I hope she feels better. I didn't tell them what happened though. Just that she wasn't feeling well. Let me know if you guys need anything.
Carina set her phone aside, just looking back at her wife who was still sleeping, going over to her stomach to have a little chat with her youngest.
"You scared us a lot today Trottolino," Carina said, placing her hand gently on her wife's abdomen, "Mommy and I were really scared we were going to lose you, and now, you seem to feel the need to remind us that you are still here by making Mommy feel extra sick. I know you like to tell us you are in there, but Mommy could really use a break and so could I so if you could please just let her get some sleep and not make her so sick, I would really appreciate it. I love you so much. Thank you for still being in there and for hanging on even through things have been a little bit tough lately. Mommy and I are so grateful for you, and your big sisters are too. Just keep holding on in there for us, ok?"
Carina pressed a kiss to Maya's stomach before leaning back in the chair, feeling absolutely exhausted as she looked at the clock, almost laughing when she sat it was only 11 am. It felt like the last two hours had lasted twelve.
She had also not been sleeping especially well the past few nights because Maya had been up a lot not feeling well and when her wife was asleep, Carina was often lying awake debating with herself if it was time to take her to the hospital or not.
Every time Carina thought maybe she should, Maya would manage to do a period of 6-8 hours where she could keep something down and Carina would start feeling better about everything again, only for the cycle to start over. Carina knew this pattern couldn't keep going. She knew Maya would either end up back in the hospital again or the nausea would start to lift and she would feel better.
Carina hoped they were coming to the end of this horrible nausea, but it just seemed to be getting worse at this point. She had almost forced her wife to stay home from work today because she had thrown up twice in the middle of the night last night, but Maya had insisted she felt better this morning and she had managed to keep down some lemonade and some toast this morning so Carina had let her go.
Now, the Italian was happy her wife had been so stubborn about going because if she had been at home, there would have been no one there to help her get to the hospital and it would have made the already stressful experience even worse.
Carina was just about to let her eyes slip shut when she heard Maya waking up and moving around some.
"Hi Bambina," Carina said, going over to her wife's side.
"Car," Maya moaned, Carina immediately getting a basin for her wife as she was sick again.
"It's ok Bambina," Carina whispered, holding her hair out of the way, "We are going to get you feeling better."
"I don't want to stay," Maya said, tears already running down her cheeks as Carina replaced the basin.
"I know Bambina," Carina said, "But I think you need to. Your body needs some more help with keeping you and Trottolino healthy. This cannot keep going like this. You are too sick and you don't even have anything left in you. It will just be until we figure out another way to keep you hydrated and getting some type of nutrition down."
"I hate being here," Maya cried as Carina pulled her into her arms, "I hate all of it so much."
"I know," Carina said, rubbing Maya's back, "I know you do. I hate it for you. Bambina, if this is too much…"
"No," Maya said, puling away from her wife, "No, absolutely not. I hate it and I want it to stop, but I…no. Trottolino is still growing and doing well and I can do this for them."
"Ok," Carina said, stopping, "I completely understand. I just don't want you to feel like you are trapped and have no choice."
"I know," Maya said, "I know you are just thinking about me, but I am ok. I promise you I will tell you if I hit a point that I cannot take it anymore, ok?"
"Ok," Carina said, wiping a tear off Maya's cheek as the blonde looked at her.
"Were you crying?" Maya asked, noticing her wife's face looked puffier than when she went to sleep.
"Si," Carina nodded, looking down at her hands, "I…it…today brought back a lot of those really terrible feelings from our miscarriage and I was also scared for you and Trottolino and…it was a lot."
"I'm sorry," Maya said, taking Carina's hands in hers, "You could have woken me up. You shouldn't have had to feel all that alone."
"Amelia was here," Carina said, looking up at her wife, "She saw your name on the ER board and came to check on us and I…I wasn't alone. And you were here, even if you were sleeping, and you are here right now."
"I am here," Maya said, pulling her wife into a hug, "I am always here for you. I promise."
"I know," Carina said, giving her a kiss on her cheek, "I love you."
"I love you too," Maya said, trying to wrap her arm tighter around her wife only to feel a pull in her hand.
When she moved her hand back, she sighed, seeing her IV was no longer in her hand and there was blood coming out of the insertion site.
"Shit," Maya said as Carina got up, grabbing some gauze as the IV pump started alarming.
The nurse came in just as Carina was helping Maya get the gauze on her hand.
"Her IV came out," Carina said as the nurse looked at what was going on, "Oh, and she threw up again."
"Alright," the nurse nodded, looking at the IV bag which was close to empty at this point, "I am going to go talk to Dr. Johnson and see what she wants to do. Dr. Bishop-Deluca, do you have the IV site taken care of?"
"I do," Carina nodded, pulling back the gauze, showing the bleeding had already stopped.
"Alright," the nurse said, "I'll go check in with Dr. Johnson. Do you need anything else before I go?"
"No," Maya said as Carina shook her head.
As the nurse walked out the door, Amelia suddenly reappeared, a duffle bag in one hand and a takeout bag in the other.
"Hey Maya," she said, "You know if you miss me, you are welcome to invite us over instead of coming to the hospital right?"
"Hey Amelia," Maya said, rolling her eyes as she laid back down.
"Amelia, what did you do?" Carina asked, looking at the bags.
"Well, I figured Maya probably needed something to wear home that wasn't a hospital gown or the clothes she came in with so I ran to your house and got some stuff for her."
"I'm probably not going to need it for at least a day," Maya grumbled, rubbing her eyes.
"She is still getting sick, even with her home meds, so she has earned herself another night here at least," Carina explained, "Or that's what we are 99% sure is going to happen. We are just waiting for Danielle to come give us the official word."
"Sorry," Amelia said, looking at both her friends, "I know that's not what you wanted. Do you want me to take the twins?"
"I don't think so," Carina sighed, wanting nothing more than to just be with her wife tonight, but she knew the girls were not going to like the fact that Mommy wasn't home tonight to begin with so she didn't want to not be there, "But thank you for the offer."
"Of course," Amelia said, nodding, "The offer always stands. We've always got room for two more temporary kids, but not real ones, no matter what Link thinks."
"Grazie Amelia," Carina said.
"Well, I am going to head home to get some sleep before it's time for Scout to get off the bus," Amelia said, "But I'm serious, if you need anything, let me know. I hope you feel better Maya."
"Thanks Amelia," Maya said as the neurosurgeon left the room. Almost as soon as Amelia was gone, Dr. Johnson walked in.
"I hear things did not go as planned," Dr. Johnson said, looking at Maya.
"I got sick again," Maya mumbled, "And my stupid IV came out."
"Ok," Dr. Johnson said, "I am going to get you admitted back up to the floor for more fluids and to try some new medications. I am thinking we are going to put you on a Zofran pump, similar to an insulin pump for someone with diabetes, to see if that helps, and depending on how that goes, I might want to get a PICC line in you so that we can have more stable access for giving fluids. The perk of that would be that it would be easier for Carina to give you fluids and IV meds at home if you need them."
"But it would also mean I would be on desk duty for the rest of my pregnancy," Maya said.
"Bambina, I know that is hard for you," Carina said, taking Maya's hand, "But you probably shouldn't be out fighting fires right now anyway. Between how sick you have been and the bleeding, you probably should be on desk duty regardless."
"Your wife is right," Dr. Johnson said, "I really do not feel comfortable letting you out in the field anymore. You need rest. I am honestly surprised you have managed this long considering how bad your HG has been."
"Ok," Maya mumbled, wiping at her eyes.
"I am going to get things started to transfer you upstairs," Dr. Johnson said, "I'm sorry this didn't go as you had hoped."
Maya nodded, biting her lip as Dr. Johnson left. As soon as the door clicked shut, Maya was sobbing again.
"Bambina," Carina sighed, pulling her close, "I'm sorry. I know this is hard."
"I feel like my job was the one semi-normal thing I had," Maya cried, "I can't run, I am tired all the time, I am so sick, my emotions are a mess, but I could still do my job just like before and now…now that's done too and I knew it was coming. I knew I couldn't do it forever while I was pregnant, but I thought I had at least another month, maybe two. And I am so glad Trottolino is ok and I would do anything to keep them safe, but I just…I feel like…not me."
"I know," Carina said, rubbing Maya's back, "I know you feel so out of control and I am so sorry. I wish there was some way I could give you some of that control back because I would in a heartbeat."
"But you don't know," Maya snapped almost angrily, "When you were pregnant with the twins, you were still able to work and do pretty much everything you wanted right up until you had them because you weren't sick and your job doesn't require you to do the kinds of things mine does, so no, Carina, you don't know."
Carina was a bit taken aback by her wife's snapping. She knew mood swings were common, but up until now, Maya had either been anxious or extremely sad but never angry. However, instead of taking it personally, Carina took a deep breath before starting again.
"You're absolutely right," Carina said, nodding, "When I was pregnant with the bambine, I was able to continue doing normal things for a long time. But, when I was going through radiation, I wasn't. I know it's not the same, but I also couldn't work or help you out or do anything I loved for a while because I was too sick and I felt out of control then too."
Maya's face crumpled again as she started crying.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you," Maya sobbed as Carina held her close again, "I just…I don't even know…"
"It's ok Bambina," Carina said, rubbing her back, "I am not upset. This is a lot and I wish I could take it away from you. Maybe we can call Diane once you are home and feeling better again and see if she has any advice, ok? I think that might help."
Maya nodded, just holding onto her wife, feeling like her wife and daughters were the only things in her life that were stable and not drastically changing constantly.
"I am right here with you through all of this," Carina said, pressing a kiss to Maya's temple, "I promise. You are going to be ok, and you will never be alone."
Maya just pressed her face into Carina's neck, trying not to focus on the thoughts racing about a million miles an hour through her head and instead on the slow, rhythmic feel of her wife's hand rubbing up and down her back, providing her with the comfort she needed in that moment.
What did you think? I hope this one was better than the last one. Thank you all for trusting me. I am probably not going to get the next chapter out as fast as this one. I have a pretty big school assignment due Thursday that I cannot figure out a topic for and I need to get the rest of my stories written for feelingsdrawer Marina Baby Zine done so this story is going to take a back seat for a little bit, but I promise we will see more of the twins in the next one and maybe some time out of the hospital doing something else. I'm not totally sure yet, but I'm playing with some ideas. Anyway, thank you so much for reading, commenting, and following and favoriting! It means so much to me!
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