Hi. I'm so so so so so sorry for the wait. I got swamped with work these past few weeks so I didn't have time to write let alone breath.

But it's here now so I hope you guys enjoy :)

-HM

—

Sarah observed the two definitely-not-human beings from over the rim of her teacup.

Jareth What's-His-Name, the sparkly male who she was apparently now married/currently fighting a fatal-attraction to and the lovely dark-skinned female who'd introduced herself as Lavinia Cross. She'd also tacked on her occupation as 'this prick's glorified babysitter', which earned her a point in Sarah's book.

However, as nice as it was to see a friendly face amongst all of the confusion, Sarah didn't trust a world with upside down faces to not have upside down morals too. There were far too many foreboding books about the Others for her not to.

She'd woken up like a possessed person, sitting straight up with her back rigid, and consequently bonking heads with her so-called husband. Lavinia, who had laughed hysterically at Jareth's pain, decided that earned Sarah a cup of tea. And for a painfully awkward moment after she left the room, husband and wife stared at each other, both mulling over how to break the oppressive cloud of uncomfortable that had settled between them.

Fortunately, before Sarah could ask about his opinion on the weather or something equally cringeworthy, Lavinia returned with two cups of tea. She didn't miss the pout on Jareth's face when the other woman kept the second cup to herself.

"Alright," Lavinia settled on the armchair between them, effectively assigning herself the role of mediator. "Sarah, I'm sure you have some questions."

"You could say that," Sarah muttered. She didn't have 'some', she had 'several'.

Lavinia's answering smile was wane, as if she understood Sarah's attitude but didn't appreciate it. "Yes, well, I hope you'll allow me to do my best answering those questions."

Jareth, who had been sulking in the loveseat across from Sarah, shot to his feet. His face shown with barely restrained anger and more than a little betrayal. Sarah sunk back instinctively into the couch cushions.

"Nia," he said softly, though the warning was heard.

Lavinia didn't even blink. "Jareth, sit your arse down. This is a conversation between us ladies. You're not a part, you just happen to be privy to it. I have the grace to allow you that much."

The glaring contest they engaged in was a silent one and both seemed to forget the sketched out human woman making up their audience. That was, until she choked quite beautifully trying to inhale her tea.

Lavinia and Jareth forgot their anger in favor of concern but only Lavinia dared to clap Sarah on the back and jokingly offer CPR if that failed. Jareth was sitting stiff, hands clenched in his lap.

"So, first of all, where the hell am I?" Sarah asked hoarsely.

"The gateway to the Underground," Lavinia said. "More specifically, the Labyrinth's break room."

"The what now?" Sarah almost choked on her tea again. This was not a conversation to have over drinks. At least not non-alcoholic ones.

"The gateway to the Underground."

"No, I got that." Sarah shook her head, bewildered. "But why is it in the cafe break room?"

Jareth mumbled something under his breath. Lavinia shot him an acidic look before continuing;

"The gateway came before the break room."

"Okay," Sarah said slowly. "And what exactly…are you? I heard something about selkies and fairies and things but I also fainted so I'm not sure…" She trailed off.

Lavinia nodded. "You heard correctly. I myself am something slightly more than human." She glanced minutely at Jareth. He shook his head. "It's hard to explain.

"This guy on the other hand," the sort-of-woman paused dramatically, "is a bastard—Oh, don't look at me like that! You know it's true—Sarah, he's half-Fae and half-selkie. A real mutt of a creature."

Jareth snarled, "If you're done insulting me—"

"Oh, never," Lavinia snapped back.

"The Fae? As in the Fair Folk? The Aos Sí?" Sarah wondered with no small hint of awe.

"Wow, would you look at that?" Lavinia lightly nudged Jareth's foot. "You picked one versed in your people's lore. How lucky for you. How fortunate." The halfling only seemed to brood harder. "And pray tell, how did you acquire this knowledge?"

"My father's family were Irish immigrants. They kept the tradition and faith alive." Sarah shyly ducked her head down. "And I might've read some old mythology in my spare time."

Lavinia seemed to find that amusing and was chuckling to herself. "That's good. I'm glad. And I'd be remiss to assume, but do you know what a Selkie is?"

Jareth cursed under his breath.

"Uh, maybe?" Sarah wrung her hands nervously. She had the distinct feeling that her answer held weight, not unlike one might have on an important exam. "They're the sea-faring horses that drown those who ride them, right?"

"Mmm, not quite. Those are kelpies," she corrected behind a hand that was likely hiding a smile. Sarah glanced warily at her halfling husband as his face had turned an alarming shade of beet-red. "Jareth's mother is a selkie. Half-humanoid half-seal and consequently mixed up for mermaids and sirens, albeit not as libidinous. And all that mixed with Fae blood? One might say he is a triple threat."

Suddenly, she was leaning forward, all trace of humor absent from her demeanor. "And that's where you come in. I bet you've been wondering about that." When Sarah nodded hesitantly after a beat, Lavinia carried on. "While Jareth takes after his Faerie father more, he is somewhat liable to selkie rules. Full-blooded selkies shed their seal-coat, which for us would be like physically holding on to our soul, and that allows them to take humanoid form. Unfortunately, it leaves them incredibly vulnerable.

"If a selkie were to leave their coat unattended, either physically or mentally, and it happens to be picked up—" Lavinia paused. She appeared to deliberate with herself for a moment before settling her sights on Jareth. "Why don't you finish the explanation. I have a feeling I won't explain it the way you'd like me to."

"Fine," Jareth said shortly. He sneered at Lavinia, who only raised an eyebrow. Sarah looked between the two and got the impression that she was missing something. She listened carefully as Jareth picked up from where Lavinia left off.

"If a selkie's coat is picked up by another being, that person enters a covenant with the selkie. This covenant is similar to a slave contract, only much more powerful. The person is completely subservient to the will of the selkie. They cannot not disobey them, nor do they desire to. The only way for this covenant to be nullified, or at least slightly weakened, is if and only if the selkie accepts the return of the coat." Jareth took a deep breath and Sarah, white as paper, mimicked him shakily. "However, once the selkie accepts this, a new covenant is activated; one of eternal matrimony."

"No!" Sarah choked out.

"Oh, yes," Jareth drawled caustically. "I'm afraid we're attached at the hip now, my dear."

Sarah put her head in her hands and groaned.

"It gets worse," he continued.

"Oh God, how?!"

"In our case, the first covenant wasn't nullified. It only slightly weakened." Jareth shrugged a little too flippantly. Lavinia pointedly kept her gaze off to the side. "I still have power over you."

Sarah scrubbed her hands over her face, rubbing it almost raw.

"And I hate to add more to your anguish," Lavinia finally broke in. "But there's another issue."

Jareth sighed. "Right."

"Jareth's not just any bastard halfling with a coffee shop chain," she explained. "He's also a bastard halfling with an entire kingdom. With many, many responsibilities. One of which being—" Lavinia winced "—a centuries-long betrothal to another Underground woman.

Sarah looked down at the ring donning her left hand.

"Holy shiitake mushrooms."