Chapter 4: Happily Ever Afterlife
"Is everybody alright now?" Mira asked.
Everyone either said yes or nodded yes. With her question answered Mira starts up the next episode.
Roshi: Well, Goku has passed, but his sacrifice has stopped a great evil. Thanks to him, our lives can return to peace once more–
Nappa: Raaaaaaditz. Raaaaaaaaditz.
"Is that the Nappa guy from the first episode?" Natsu asked.
Roshi: What the hell is that?
Nappa: Guy who's as strong as the Saibamen says what? That usually gets to him. I think he's dead, Vegeta.
Vegeta: Big shocker; nobody cares. We're ten times stronger than him anyway. We'll go to Earth, find the Dragonballs and kill everyone and we'll be there within a year or so. Depending on filler, of course.
"What's filler?" Wendy asked Levy.
Levy looks up at everyone after writing down "Saibamen" in her notepad. "Fillers are usually added scenes in a play that never existed in the original source material. It's usually added to fill in space or extra explanations."
"Are we just gonna ignore the fact that those 2 are coming to Earth in a year?" Carla asks.
"Or that they're stronger than Raditz," Lily added.
This got everyone in the room to worry.
Nappa: Anything else we need to go over, Vegeta?
Vegeta: Nope, that's about it.
Roshi: Well, fu–
[intro theme]
Piccolo: All right, you little human…Saiyan…thing… I saw what you did to that Saiyan back there. That kind of power can be useful.
"Woah! He's gonna train Gohan!" Natsu shouts in anticipation for a training arc.
"But, isn't Gohan like 4 years old?" Lucy asks.
"The kid managed to do damage to Raditz, so why not?" Gajeel answered.
Gohan: W-What do you mean?
Piccolo: I'm going to make you my pupil. And then I'll use YOU in my conquest to take over the world.
Everybody frowns at Piccolo's words.
Gohan: But where's my daddy?
Piccolo: Hate to tell you this, kid, but your dad's DEAD! Actually, I kinda like saying that… HAHA! YOUR DAD'S DEAD!
Gohan: [starts crying]
Everybody growls in anger at Piccolo's taunts about Goku's death to a 4 year old.
A dark aura surrounds Mira causing people to back away from her.
Piccolo: Dammit. This is why I hang out in wastelands.
[in the afterlife]
Personnel: Welcome to the heavenly check in station. Please no cutting in line. If you are caught cutting in line, you WILL be sent straight to hell.
"The afterlife looks a lot different than what I thought it would," Gray says.
"Imagine us spending the afterlife together my darling Gray!" Juvia's soft voice calls out. Gray pushes her away after she gets too close.
"I kinda like being alive," Gray says while pushing her off of him.
Kami: And so we need Goku here to get to King Kai's for his masterful training, Lord Yemma.
"He looks exactly like Piccolo!" Romeo points out.
"He must be a Namekian as well," Levy says.
"Wait, but Goku's dead, how is he supposed to train?" Happy asked.
Carla looks at Happy and sighs in exasperation. "They'll use the dragon balls to bring him back."
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that," Happy responds.
Lord Yemma: Give me ONE good reason I should allow this.
Kami: Because if you don't, that line's going to increase by six billion!
Lord Yemma: Six billion?! I'm supposed to be intimidated by six billion?! Please! I can judge six billion souls faster than you take a piss, old man.
Lucy gulped at the number. "Six billion souls...how can two people cause that much death and violence?"
Kami: You know, I am the guardian of Earth. Could I PLEASE get a little more respect here?!
Lord Yemma: Big deal! I'm the closest thing to a god in this show…until you get to the Kais. Then I'll be horribly insignificant. I do have a desk, though. It's made of mahogany. Mahogany…
Levy sighs, because she's seen things like power scaling in fiction too many times.
Kami: Uhh… Anyway… Can we please…
Lord Yemma: SILENCE! [quietly] Mahogany.
"I really hope that isn't a running gag in this," Erza prays while massaging her forehead.
Kami: Um… Sir?
Lord Yemma: Huh, what? Oh. Uh, sure, whatever. He can go to King Kai's, but he'll have to run on SNAKE WAY.
"Snake Way is kinda a cool name," Romeo chimes to himself.
Goku: Sounds fun.
Lord Yemma: Prepare to be surprised.
"Totally not ominous at all," Carla mutters.
Goku: All right; I'm off. Oh, wait, by the way. Did you see a guy named Raditz come through here? He has spiky hair and a tail.
Lord Yemma: Oh yeah, I remember that guy. I put him in my patented Yemma Lock.
Goku: And it worked?
Lord Yemma: F*CK NO; HE KICKED ME IN THE BALLS AND RAN AWAY. Now I don't know where he is.
"So much for a God who judges souls huh?" Gajeel mocks with a grin.
"I mean I can understand Raditz being stronger than him," Lucy tries to make sense of it.
"Now, I wanna fight this Yemma guy," Natsu spoke.
"Do you wanna go to hell?" Gray asked him.
-cutaway to Raditz with a halo-
Raditz: He didn't keep his eye on the birdie.
-cut back-
Goku: Huh. Okay. Well bye!
King Yemma: See ya next time you die. [beat] Mahogany.
Erza groans at the joke.
[at Kame House]
Roshi: Well, Krillin, how did Chichi take the news?
Krillin: Um…
"So we finally get to meet Goku's wife," Lisanna says with anticipation. Mira shares the same sentiment wanting to see the woman capable of keeping Goku in line.
Macao and Wakaba looked uncertain. "Judging from Krillin's reaction, I don't think that's a good thing," Macao whispers to his friend being reminded of his own experiences.
-cutaway-
Chichi: Well, Krillin. What did you need to talk about?
Krillin: So, Chichi. Hypothetically. What would you do if you were told that your husband was dead and your son were kidnapped by his worst enemy?
Chichi: I'd castrate the messenger in his sleep with a rusty carving knife.
Every male in the guild crosses their legs in fear. Being reminded of a certain scarlet haired knight when seeing Chichi.
Lisanna laughs nervously. "Well...she's certainly eccentric," Lisanna nervously voiced out.
"Eccentric isn't the word I'd use for her," Gajeel mutters.
Krillin: Oh. Well, it's a good thing I'm not telling you that. [nervous laughter]
Chichi: [laughter, then deadpan] Would you like to spend the night?
Krillin: Against my better judgment.
"He should've just left," Gray shakes his head in disappointment.
-cut to night-
Ox King: [snoring]
[the sound of a knife being sharpened can be heard as Krillin tries to sneak away]
Chichi: [in a singsong voice] Krillin, where are you~?
-cut away to a car where Krillin is running away-
Krillin: Relatively well.
"I can definitely see why Goku is scared of her," Natsu points out.
"Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn," Makarov spoke sagely.
Bulma: So are you going to gather the other Z Warriors and go train with Kami?
"The who warriors?" Levy asks.
Krillin: The who Warriors?
Bulma: [wearing a scouter. the screen reads: Where'd that scouter come from?] You know; the Z Warriors. You, Goku, Tien, Yamcha, Chiaotzu. That's what we ALWAYS call you guys.
"That's a really lame name," Carla says as a fact.
"I think it's cool," Wendy mutters looking down at her knees.
Krillin: That's the stupidest thing I've ever–
Chichi: KRILLIN! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!
"RUN KRILLIN!" Natsu and Happy scream.
Krillin: Well I'm off to gather the Z Warriors! Bye!
Piccolo: Listen up, runt! Today we're going to commence your intense training under me.
Gohan: But wait. Wouldn't that cause horrible muscle degeneration for somebody my age, crippling me for years to come?
Levy places a finger on her chin. "Logically it would, but since he's a saiyan I guess they have a stronger body system."
Piccolo: You're a wordy little bastard, aren't you?
Gohan: My mom wants me to become a orth–
Piccolo: NEEEEEEEEERD!
Levy frowns, remembering people making fun of her for being smart as a kid. Gajeel notices and hugs her close, making her smile.
Gohan: W-What?
Piccolo: Anyway. I figured to unleash your hidden potential, I'd have to put you in immense physical danger, so I'm gonna throw you at that mountain.
"WHAT!?"
Gohan: Actually, that looks more like a pleatAHHH [Piccolo picks him up and throws him at the mountain]
"IS HE INSANE!?" Mira shouts in anger.
Piccolo: [thinking] Any second now… Here it comes… aaaaaaand… Ewww
[Gohan hits the mountain and starts bawling]
Piccolo: [thinking] This is gonna be a loooooong training session.
"I just pray that Gohan survives the training session," Mira says flopping down into her seat.
-cutaway to Goku-
Personnel: All right, Mister Muscle Man; here you are at Snake Way. Now you might wanna pack a lunch because it's gonna be a long run. Nah, just jokin'; you not gonna be eatin' none.
Goku: Wow. That looks like it's gonna take me awhile.
"That's a really long snake," Natsu says with wide eyes.
"I wonder if the afterlife has long fish there?" Happy speaks with eyes full of hunger.
Personnel: Now be careful runnin'; you don't wanna fall off and die. That's just a lil bit of dead humor. But seriously; do not fall off or you WILL go to hell.
"He's gonna fall isn't he?" Gray asks, already expecting his answer.
"Yes, yes he is" Erza answered him.
Goku: Has anyone ever run the whole thing before?
Personnel: Well, there was one man.
Goku: Well, who was he?
Personnel: Well, I believe his name was…
Kami: MR. POPO!
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?"
Mr. Popo: Yes, Kami?
Kami: I have just received word that we have a new batch of trainees coming. Make sure you take good care of them.
Mr. Popo: [scary laughter]
Popo has successfully freaked everyone in the audience out. Asaka hugs her parents afraid of the incarnation of death. Nobody is getting any sleep tonight.
[end theme]
Lord Yemma: And not just ANY mahogany! But mahogany from the planet of Malchior 7 where the trees are 300 feet tall and breathe fire! From these trees, this desk was forged two thousand years ago, using ancient blood rituals of the Malchior people. Not only does this make my desk nigh indestructible, but it can bend the fabric of the universe itself! Also it's a very fine material. Veeeery expensive.
Kami: O…kay…
Lord Yemma: Mahogany.
Erza bangs her head onto the table in front of her. Praying that the mahogany jokes are finally over.
Chapter End