Chapter 6: Vegeta Kills Bugs Dead

(Scene opens up with a full view of Snake Way.)

NARRATOR: After endless running and detours, Goku has finally reached the end of Snake Way. How very convenient.

Gray sighs in relief. "Finally, no more distractions"

(Goku looks up and notices a small planet in the sky)

"King Kai's planet is really small," Happy observed.

Carla didn't look convinced. "I'm sure it's just perspective."

GOKU: Oooooo! Oh wow, that must be King Kai's place! (jumps towards King Kai's planet) Woohooo... (begins falling towards the planet) ...aaaaaahhhhhh-

(Goku crashes onto the planet)

"Wait what?" Lucy questions in surprise.

KING KAI: (offscreen) Nice job, jackass!

GOKU: (in pain) Ow...

[OPENING SEQUENCE]

(Scene changes to outer space, where Vegeta and Nappa's Space Pods are seen flying through space.)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back in the deep reaches of space..

"So, we don't even get to see King Kai yet?" Romeo complained.

"I'm sure we'll get to see him soon," Wendy reassured.

NAPPA: Are we there yet?

Lucy groans.

VEGETA: (annoyed) No.

NAPPA: Are we there yet?

"Stop.." Lucy complained.

VEGETA: (becoming more annoyed) No!

NAPPA/Happy: Are we there yet?

VEGETA/Lucy: (much more annoyed) NO!

NAPPA/Happy: Are we there yet?

VEGETA/Lucy: (now very angry) NO!

NAPPA/Happy: Are we there yet?

VEGETA: (even angrier) NO!

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU CAT!" Lucy screams in fury as she lunges after Happy.

NAPPA: Hey, Vegeta.

VEGETA: (ready to snap) WHAT?!

NAPPA: (sees that they are approaching Planet Arlia) Can we stop at that bug planet?

VEGETA: (temper stabilized) Nappa, if it'll shut you up for five minutes then fine!

Erza releases a sigh and massages her forehead.

"Lucy, calm down" Natsu tells her while holding her back. Lucy continues to struggle in his grip.

"NOT UNTIL I STRANGLE THAT CAT!"

Happy laughs at Lucy's angry face while flying in the air.

(scene shifts to Planet Arlia)

VEGETA: (looking at a floating debris) See? Look how fun this is.

(Two Arlians riding on giant millipede-like steeds appear out of the ground)

NAPPA: Hey, Vegeta- the locals.

VEGETA: Seems they brought a welcome service.

Levy looks unconvinced. "I don't think they are a welcoming committee," the blue haired mage says.

NAPPA: You know, Vegeta, on some planets they really appreciate foreign communes. Really brings in the revenue. (One Arilan unsheathes their sword) They'll probably treat us like royalty, considering the-

(Arilans handcuff Nappa and locks Vegeta and Nappa in a cell)

"Guess, they don't appreciate saiyans," Gajeel laughs out.

"I'm pretty sure they don't like anyone else." Lisanna adds.

VEGETA: Well...

NAPPA: Yeah...

ARLIAN PRINCE: I see. You too have been imprisoned by our horrible fascist king.

(Arilan Prince continues to speaking unintelligibly offscreen while Vegeta and Nappa talk)

Lucy(she's calmed down) face palms. "I should've seen the fascist king coming," She berates herself.

NAPPA: Hey, Vegeta.

VEGETA: What is it?

NAPPA: We're in prison, Vegeta.

VEGETA: I see that, Nappa.

NAPPA: Hey.

VEGETA: What?

NAPPA: Don't drop the soap.

The immature mages burst out laughing at Nappa's words, while the more mature mages stifled their laughter.

The kids of the guild didn't understand the joke.

VEGETA: I swear to God, Nappa, I will shiv you.

(Scene changes to King Kai's planet)

Romeo perked up. "So, we do get to see King Kai!" Romeo excitedly says. Wendy smiles happily knowing that she was correct.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on the Kai planet...

GOKU: So, you're King Kai.

KING KAI: That's right. I am the most superior martial artist in all of the galaxy-

"He looks weak," Natsu points out.

Gray nods his head. "I hate to agree with flame-brain over here, but how is King Kai supposed to help Goku prepare for the saiyans?"

Mira giggles at them both. "I wouldn't judge by appearances, so let's wait and see."

GOKU: (notices Bubbles) Ooo, a monkey!

"He would get distracted by a monkey," Carla says with a deadpan stare.

KING KAI: Yes, this is my monkey, Bubbles. Say hello, Bubbles.

BUBBLES: (subtitled) You have come far, young warrior. Allow me to-

KING KAI: Alright, that's enough, Bubbles. Anyway, welcome to my planet.

Lisanna frowns. "I wanted to hear what he had to say."

GOKU: (struggling to stand up) Man, I'm so heavy here!

KING KAI: Well, because of the small size of my planet, the gravity here is much more intense than that on Earth.

Levy jots this down in her notepad.

GREGORY: (offscreen) That doesn't make any sense!

"I have to agree with the mysterious voice," Lily adds.

Levy looks down at him and decides to explain. "Well, something with a much higher mass would have less gravity needed since it has more space. For a planet like King Kai's it needs as much gravity as possible to keep it's center."

KING KAI: Shut up, Gregory! Alright, fine- how's this for a reason: I have an unbelievably powerful space pirate locked within the depths of my planet. That's why the gravity is so heavy here.

Levy could only stare at the screen in pure annoyance. "Or you could just say something like that and completely disregard the science behind it," the blue mage huffed out.

Gajeel and Lily laugh at her plight before being silenced by her glare.

BOJACK: (inside King Kai's Planet) Yarr! Get me out of here!

KING KAI: Shut up, Bojack! (stomps on the planet three times) Anyway, what are you here for?

GOKU: Oh! Well, King Kai, I need you to train me. (shows Vegeta and Nappa's Space Pods flying in space) There's a terrible threat coming to our planet, and I'm its only hope. I'll do whatever it takes for you to train me, I'll withstand any test, I will try as hard as I have to, and I-

KING KAI: Sure.

Everyone was caught off guard.

GOKU: (dumbfounded) What?

KING KAI: I'll train you.

GOKU: S-Seriously? I thought I'd have to do some kind of test.

"Yeah, isn't that usually how it works?" Natsu asked.

KING KAI: Are you kidding me? The only company I've had for the last 500 years have been a disembodied pirate...

(BOJACK: Yarr!) ...a monkey... (Bubbles screeches) ...and a grasshopper!

GREGORY: Actually, I'm a cricket.

KING KAI: Nobody cares!

BUBBLES: (clapping his hands; subtitled) I care!

KING KAI: You tell him, Bubbles!

GOKU: Wow, you're right. I can't imagine anything more boring than that.

"Same, and at least we can get right to the training," Gray appreciates. Everyone else in the audience agrees.

(scene shifts to Planet Namek)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Namek…

"Wait what?"

(scene goes inside Guru's house, where there's a long silence and a splashing sound can be heard)

GURU: Naaail. Naaaaail!

(Nail walks inside Guru's house and kneels)

NAIL: What is it, Lord Guru?

GURU: I saw a fish. That is all- you can go back outside now.

NAIL: (walks outside of Guru's house; thinking) Oh God, this is so horribly dull. I hope something exciting happens around here soon. I don't care what it is.

"Weird..foreshadowing.." Carla mutters.

GURU: (offscreen) Naaaaail!

NAIL: (sounding a bit annoyed) What?

GURU: (offscreen) I saw a bird. It was pretty. Kick its ass.

(Nail groans in annoyance)

"Were those Piccolo's?" Lucy asked openly.

"I-I think so, and I'm confused why," Levy answers.

"I'm sure we'll get our answers if we keep watching," Erza adds.

(scene shifts to planet Arlia)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back on Arlia...

(scene goes to the Arlian prison cell, with the Arlian Prince still talking to Vegeta and Nappa)

ARLIAN PRINCE: As you can see, many questionable people have been locked away in here.

ARLIAN PRISONER: Welcome to Oz, bitch! That's right, (to Vegeta) you with the spiky hair, you're going to be my BITCH! I'm going to sell you for a cigarette- but not before I violate you, because you're my BI-

Alzack covered his daughter's ears and Carla did the same for Wendy.

Gajeel and Cana laughed loudly.

(Scene cuts to the Arilan throne room)

ARLIAN KING: I love ruling this planet with an iron fist! Right, my quee- (throne room shakes as an explosion occurs offscreen) What in the great Arlian moon was that?

NAPPA: Hi!

ARLIAN KING: Who the f*** are you two?

NAPPA: Hi, I'm Nappa, and that's Vegeta. He was a prison bitch.

More laughter from the audience.

VEGETA: Shut the hell up, Nappa!

NAPPA: 'Kay.

VEGETA: Anyway, we're here because my partner's an idiot. Now that we've got introductions out of the way, I think I'll just kill you and-

NAPPA: Hey, Vegeta.

VEGETA: Oh God, what now?

NAPPA: (notices Arlian Queen) I think that's their queen. I'm curious how they breed.

"Excuse me?" Lucy, Carla, and Erza said at the same time.

VEGETA: Oh, goddammit, Nappa- that's disgusting! I say we just-

NAPPA: (To Arlians) Hey, you guys, breed for us!

"What the hell?"

ARLIAN KING: Why should we listen to you? (Arlians guards begin surrounding Vegeta and Nappa) You're surrounded by my thirteen elite... (Nappa kills guards with an explosion) ...dead guards. (to his wife) Well, you heard him, honey.

NAPPA: They're not doing anything, they're just standing on top of each other and... (a snapping sound is heard while both Arlians start mating) Awww, there we go!

Everyone's face's contort in disgust at the inappropriate scene.

(Nappa takes his cell phone and takes a picture. Vegeta's cell phone vibrates, and he takes out his cell phone and sees the picture.)

"That's just not right…" Wakaba coughs out.

VEGETA: (disgusted from what he saw) Oh, goddammit, Nappa!

(scene changes to Earth, on a barren wasteland)

"Thank god, that's over," Gray appreciated.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back on Earth- Piccolo has finally begun his training with Gohan.

Mira stares at the screen in worry. Lisanna seeing her sister's plight tries to reassure her.

"Maybe Piccolo will go easy on Gohan," She tries to convince her sister.

GOHAN: So, Mr. Piccolo, what are you gonna teach me today? A brand new technique? How to sense energy? What about how to fly-

PICCOLO: Dodge! (kicks Gohan)

Lisanna's face dropped. "Or maybe not…"

Mira mentally screams in uncontrolled rage.

(scene cuts to the barren wasteland at dusk, Gohan is seen injured, has a wart covering his right eye and is sweating)

GOHAN: (thinking) Oh man, this training with Mr. Piccolo is really difficult. But I think I'm finally getting the hang of it-

PICCOLO: DODGE!

GOHAN: What? (gets blasted at point-blank by Piccolo) WAAAAAAAAAAA-

Everyone winces in pain.

Mira continues to scream.

(scene cuts to Piccolo and Gohan in the middle of the wasteland accompanied with a long silence)

PICCOLO: (punches Gohan in the face) DOOOOOOODGE!

GOHAN: Aaaah!

Lisanna begins to scoot away from her sister. Hearing the older take-over mage mutter something about eviscerating a green man.

(scene shifts to the Hall of Justice)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice…

"What?"

SUPERMAN: Alright everyone, we have to do something about these Saiyans. They're approaching Earth quickly, and I don't think we have the strength to take them on alone. Batman, what are your thoughts?

"So these guys are like superheroes!?" Happy asked with stars in his eyes.

Lucy looks at the screen confused. "Why are they a different art style completely?"

BATMAN: Well, I think...

AQUAMAN: (offscreen) I have an idea!

BATMAN: Oh God, it's Aquaman...

AQUAMAN: (offscreen) Come on, guys, we could use whales! WHAAALES!

"Excuse me?" Everyone paused.

SUPERMAN: Someone, get him out of here!

AQUAMAN: (sadly; offscreen) I'ma whaaaaales...

"He must really like whales," Natsu points out.

Happy starts salivating picturing fishes the size of whales.

(Scene shifts to planet Arlia)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back on Arlia…

ARLIAN KING: There, I banged my wife, will ya leave us in peace?

"Please kill them," Gajeel begged.

VEGETA: Actually, no, I'm still going to kill you.

"Thank you"

ARLIAN KING: Summon the Rancor!

(the Rancor arises from the ground, which is a gigantic Arlian)

NAPPA: Vegeta... It's... It's... It's so cute! Can I keep it? Can I keep it?

"Why….?"

VEGETA: Fine, just catch it or something.

NAPPA: Yay! (Rancor tries to attack Nappa, who grabs its hand) Here boy, shake- (rips off one of the Rancor's fingers) Ahhh, I got your finger. Okay, now boy, catch the ball. Catch the ball! (hurls a blast at the Rancor, completely destroying it) Hagh! Awwww! Aww, I broked-ed it, Vegeta. It must be made of something weak- like paper maché, or Raditz.

"I'm really starting to fear for the Z-fighters," Wendy's face turns into one of worry.

"What do you mean?" Carla asks.

"The big guy just crushed that Rancor like it was nothing and compared it to Raditz," Gajeel answers instead.

The feeling of uneasiness starts to fill up the room.

ARLIAN KING: (the audio downgrades in quality) (terrified and begins running up to his throne) Please, I'll do anything you want! (Vegeta begins hurling debris at the king's throne) We'll give you riches, women- Wait, what are you doing?

VEGETA: I'm about to rock you... like a hurricane.

"I feel like that's a reference," Levy says.

ARLIAN KING: I love that song! (debris hits the king in the torso, killing him) AAUGHWRR!

"So, it was," Levy said.

VEGETA: Ha, did you see that, Nappa- that was totally bada- (looks towards Nappa) What are you doing?

NAPPA: (offscreen) I'm cuddling it, Vegeta.

"WHY!?" Lucy screams.

VEGETA: It's dead, Nappa.

NAPPA: NOOOOOO! (cries) Oh, I remember when we first got him, Vegeta.

(flashback of Nappa Killing the Rancor with Barbara Streisand's "The Way We Were" playing in the background)

NAPPA: (audio returns to normal) Ah, good times.

"I really hope we don't have to deal with him much longer?" Lucy hopes.

ARLIAN: You have freed our race! You two are the greatest heroes known to our planet! We shall erect statues of you…

"Awwwww!" Lisanna coos finding it nice.

NAPPA: Well, isn't that nice of them, Vege-

ARLIAN: ...out of our dung.

"Ohhhhh…" Lisanna's face drops again.

(silence)

NAPPA: Well, isn't that nice of them, Ve-

VEGETA: We're leaving, Nappa.

NAPPA: 'Kay.

(Vegeta and Nappa fly to their Space Pods and leave Arlia)

NAPPA: Look at us, Vegeta, we saved an entire race from tyranny. We're heroes, Vegeta- we are a couple of really great guy-

(Vegeta exits his pod and destroys Arlia)

NAPPA: Ha ha! Ahaha! Ahh... tragic.

"Not really, I'm glad they're gone," Gajeel voices everyone's thoughts.

[ENDING SEQUENCE]

[STINGER]

(scene shifts to a barren wasteland with Gohan eating berries)

GOHAN: (thinking) Wow, I finally learned how to survive all by myself, live on my own, and surviving off the fat of the land. Mr. Piccolo will be so proud- (gets blasted) YAAAYYYAYAYAY... (falls down and starts mumbling)

PICCOLO: (offscreen) DOOOOOOOOODGE!

Mira smashes the nearest table to pieces scaring everyone else around her.

Chapter End