Chapter 12: The Punchline Part 2
(scene opens up with Goku getting launched by Ōzaru Vegeta's attack)
ŌZARU VEGETA: What did I tell you, Kakarot? I'm ten times stronger in this form, while you are beaten and weary.
"Unfair," Happy pouted.
GOKU: (thinking) Man, this is worse than that time I was in high school, and all the guys called me "Geeko", and I was Piccolo's slave, I couldn't get Chi-Chi to like me.
"W-what?" Everyone stared in confusion at Goku's words.
GOKU: And... (out loud) Oh wow, I hit that rock harder than I thought.
"At least he's aware of it," Lucy said.
ŌZARU VEGETA: Now, Kakarot, to finish this!
GOKU: (thinking) Oh man, what would Yamcha do?
"Not someone to take reference from," Gray said.
(flashback to Yamcha exploding)
"He wasn't even there for that," Romeo said.
"Wouldn't be difficult to guess that it happened," Cana said with a mouth full of liquor.
GOKU: (thinking) Um... um... What would Tien do?! (out loud) Wait, I know! (jumps in front of Ōzaru Vegeta)
ŌZARU VEGETA: Prepare to die, Kakarot!
GOKU: Solar Flare! (blinds Ōzaru Vegeta and flies away)
"That is a very useful technique," Makarov said.
"I wanna use that!" Happy said.
"Why," Lucy asks him.
"So, I can take any fish without people knowing!" Happy explains to her.
"Don't just openly admit to theft!" She yells back.
ŌZARU VEGETA: AAAAH! My eyes! Oh God, it's like walking in on Frieza in the shower! Wait a minute, Frieza's always naked. AAAAAAGGGGHHH!
"Who is Frieza?" Natsu asks.
Levy ponders his question. "We still don't know yet, but I'm sure we'll eventually find out."
GOKU: Alright, that should buy me some time, now let's see. Planet, give me your energy- everything you can spare!
"I wanna give him energy!" Asaka yells, raising up her tiny hands. Her actions cause everyone else to do the same.
ŌZARU VEGETA: (in background) Kakarot, when I find you you're going to die! And not any sort of good death! You're going to die horribly, terribly, I'm going to eat your... (continues to speak in the background)
"He'd eat a person?" Juvia says with a disgusted look on her face.
GOKU: Oceans, forests, people of the planet, and all the animals that live alongside them! (starts glowing)
ŌZARU VEGETA: (in background) I'm going to hammer you... (continues to speak in the background)
"Someone's creative," Gray said.
GOKU: There, I think I have enough energy- but, maybe a little more wouldn't hurt...
(scene cuts to a large buck groaning and then collapses)
"Oh no…"
BABY DEER: Daddy? Daddy?
(scene cuts back to wastelands)
GOKU: (thinking) Alright, that should do it! All finished.
"Shouldn't give him too much energy.." Lucy nervously chuckles to herself.
ŌZARU VEGETA: (regaining his eyesight) Finally, I can see again. Kakarot, I am going to KILL you!
GOKU: Now, take this! Energy from the entire world! (Ōzaru Vegeta fires a mouth blast at Goku) Well, if that don't beat all... (gets hit with the blast, losing the energy for the Spirit Bomb) AAAAAAAAH! (gets knocked into a plateau and onto the ground)
"REALLY!?"
"This is why you don't get distracted in the middle of battle," Erza reprimands with an irate expression.
"What's he gonna do now!?" Wendy asks worried.
"Maybe he can get the energy back?" Romeo brings up.
ŌZARU VEGETA: Hey, Kakarot, what's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
GOKU: Huh?
ŌZARU VEGETA: Christopher Reeves! (crushes Goku's legs)
Everyone winces from the gruesome sight.
"Goku's not using the spirit bomb again," Gajeel pointed out.
GOKU: (in agony) AAAAAAAOOWWW! That was in terrible taaaaaaste!
ŌZARU VEGETA: Don't care; evil! Now, time to crush you like an Arlian.
GOKU: A... what?
"The bug people?" Carla asks.
ŌZARU VEGETA: Exactly, now die!
(Ōzaru Vegeta prepares to squash Goku with his finger, but Goku retaliates by blasting Ōzaru Vegeta's eye)
ŌZARU VEGETA: AAAUGH! Again with the f***ing eye! God... dammit!
"You're the one who leaves them wide open for attacking," Gray points out.
Erza nods in agreement. "Never leave an opening for your opponent."
GOKU: Hah! Now to make my cunning escape.
(shows Goku dodging Ōzaru Vegeta's attacks before jumping into the air)
"Wait, but aren't his legs broken?" Romeo asks.
(Which it turns out to be an imagination in Goku's head)
"Yeah that makes sense," Romeo said.
GOKU: Ah, that would be awesome.
"It really would've been," Natsu agrees in despair.
ŌZARU VEGETA: I've had enough of this. (grabs Goku) I'm going to crush the life out of you, you insolent little... (squeezes Goku)
GOKU: AAAAAARGH!
"That looks extremely painful," Lucy shivered.
(scene shifts to Gohan and Krillin flying away)
GOHAN: Krillin, are you sure my dad's going to be okay all on his own?
"He was until Vegeta turned into a giant ape," Lisanna said.
KRILLIN: Oh, come on, Gohan, you saw how much stronger your dad's become. I'm sure he can take care of-
GOKU: (in distance) AAAAAAAAH!
"Jeez, he's screaming that loud," Gray said in surprise.
KRILLIN: Ah, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter.
(scene shifts back to Goku being crushed by Ōzaru Vegeta)
ŌZARU VEGETA: All right, Kakarot, let's hear those bones shatter! (crushes Goku harder, causing him to squeak) What the?
"What the?"
(crushes Goku again, causing him to squeak again)
ŌZARU VEGETA: My God, that's hilarious! (begins to repeatedly crush Goku, who squeaks while doing so) Hahahah! Muhahaha!
The immature members laugh at Goku's squeaks.
"How does a body make that kind of noise," Lisanna asks, trying not to laugh.
GOHAN: (arrives to help his father) Get your filthy hands off him, you damn dirty ape!
"Gohan's here!" Lisanna cheered.
"He needs to be careful," Mira hopes.
"Save your dad Gohan!" Natsu yells.
ŌZARU VEGETA: Oh, very creative. And what exactly will you do if I don't?
GOHAN: I'll make you regret it! Law of mass dictates that the mass of an object dramatically increases the force of impact when said object collides with the ground! And with your size, you'll make an extensively large impact upon your inevitable defeat!
(long pause)
Most of the guild tried to process what Gohan said.
Levy sighs being the main one to understand the nerdy saiyan hybrid.
GOKU & ŌZARU VEGETA: What?
GOHAN: The bigger they are, the harder they fall! (gets into a battle pose accompanied with a bwong sound)
"Then just say that," Natsu complains.
"He did," Lucy deadpans.
GOKU: What?
Levy, Lucy, and Erza facepalmed at the same time.
(Ōzaru Vegeta crushes him again, making him squeak)
GOKU: Argh! Stop that!
"It's lost its humor," Lisanna states.
ŌZARU VEGETA: Listen, kid, you're real brave and all, but your dad's beaten and broken. And neither of you have the skill or energy…
"Where's Krillin?" Romeo asks.
KRILLIN: Kienzan! (fires a Destructo Disc at Ōzaru Vegeta's tail, who dodges the attack by jumping)
"Stop announcing where you are," Erza sighs
"They're never gonna learn that lesson," Gray tells her.
"I know," Erza responds.
ŌZARU VEGETA: ...to take me on.
KRILLIN: (offscreen) Dammit!
ŌZARU VEGETA: You're finished! All of your planet's greatest fighters—all of them—worthless in the presence of a Saiyan elite! None of you can stop me! None of you! (tail gets cut off by Yajirobe)
"WHO IN THE HELL!?"
Levy's eyes light up. "It's that fat samurai who was with the Z-fighters during Kami's training."
"And he was just hiding until now?" Gray asked.
"Well, at least he saved Goku," Erza responds.
YAJIROBE: Running Running Running Running Running! (runs away)
(Ōzaru Vegeta drops Goku)
GOKU: (squeaks as he slams the ground) Ow.
ŌZARU VEGETA: God... God dammiiiiii... (reverts back to his original form)
VEGETA: ...iiiiiit! (starts breathing heavily)
KRILLIN: He's back to normal! Gohan, we can do this! We can beat him! WE HAVE A CHAN- (gets sent flying into a boulder)
(Krillin Owned Count: 9)
"Yeah, that was too good to be true," Lily said.
"At least he can be optimistic," Mira mentions.
KRILLIN: (in pain) Oh God...
VEGETA: (to Gohan, who's whimpering in fear) You know, I thought I'd be angrier, what with the utter humiliation and loss of my tail, or maybe I'm just so unbelievably enraged that I have come full circle. (punches Gohan in the stomach and throws him next to Goku) Oh well. Either way, it's time to put an end to this.
"GOHAN!"
GOKU: (telepathically) G-Gohan, is that you?
GOHAN: (telepathically) Hey, daddy... I'm... really sorry.
GOKU: (telepathically) It's okay, Gohan... You tried your best... At least you got home to your mother and told her to-
GOHAN: (telepathically) Um, actually, I never went home... I came back to save you...
GOKU: (telepathically) Oh…
"He's disappointed?" Lucy is baffled.
GOHAN: (telepathically) D-Daddy?
GOKU: (telepathically) Everyone makes mistakes, Gohan... (reaches out to Gohan's hand) But we have to be strong now, okay?
GOHAN: (telepathically) Daddy... (reaches out to Goku's hand)
GOKU: (telepathically) Son...
"Awwwwww!" The girls cooed at the heartwarming scene.
(Goku gets kneed in the stomach by Vegeta)
"KILL HIM!" Erza and Mira roared.
(eyecatch animation from DragonBall Z plays)
(Goku is seen spitting out blood as Gohan screams in horror)
VEGETA: What now, Kakarot? (stomps on Goku's stomach) You damaged me! (begins kicking Goku repeatedly) You cut off my tail! You've insulted me beyond belief. But you still haven't taken my pride! (gets kicked by Gohan) Ow, my pride!
"SCREW YOUR PRIDE!" Natsu roared.
"KICK HIS ASS GOHAN!" The guild roared together.
(Gohan and Vegeta begin exchanging blows in midair)
GOHAN: I'll teach you to hurt my daddy!
VEGETA: What are you going to do, huh?! You barely have any energy left! (Gohan elbows Vegeta in the eye) UAGH! (thinking while holding his right eye) Gah! My eye! Why is it always the goddamn eye?!
"Because all's fair in love and war," Lisanna chants.
GOKU: K-Krillin, come here. I have something to give you. (Krillin limps over to Goku)
KRILLIN: Your last will and testament?
GOKU: No, its energy from the entire world. It's our last hope.
"So he still had the energy," Wendy says.
"He was just too broken to use it," Romeo finishes.
KRILLIN: And you're giving it to me?
GOKU: I'm kinda out of options... (passes the remaining of the Spirit Bomb over to Krillin)
"Even Goku's nervous about letting Krillin do it," Macao points out.
"I mean it's Krillin, anyone should be nervous," Wakaba says.
KRILLIN: Holy crap! So this is what being important feels like!
"The power of a main character," Levy says.
(Vegeta is seen gaining the upper hand against Gohan, launching him onto the ground)
"Oh no, Gohan!" Mira shouts in concern.
VEGETA: (while walking towards Gohan) Alright, Kakarot. Say goodbye to your son! (begins running towards Gohan)
"THROW THE DAMN THING KRILLIN!"
KRILLIN: (thinking) Wow! Such power, from every living being on the planet. I can feel it all surging inside of me. Every man, woman, and child. This is Planet Earth's very essence! (out loud) BOO-YAH, MOTHERF**KER! (throws Spirit Bomb at Vegeta)
VEGETA: (stops running and notices the Spirit Bomb) Wh-what the hell is-?
KRILLIN: ENJOY YOUR STAY IN HELL! (Vegeta dodges the Spirit Bomb by jumping) Gyaaaah! God dammit! (continues pouting in background)
"STOP SCREAMING IT!"
(Spirit Bomb is seen flying at Gohan)
GOKU: (telepathically) Gohan, listen, you have to bounce it back at Vegeta.
GOHAN: (telepathically) But, are you sure? I don't think energy works like that.
"It shouldn't," Levy says.
GOKU: (telepathically) Don't worry, Gohan, you can do it. You're a good guy.
"Is that how it works?" Levy asks, writing it down.
GOHAN: (telepathically) Oh, okay, if you believe in me then I'll-
GOKU: (telepathically) Or it'll kill you.
GOHAN: (telepathically) What?!
"And there's that," The petite blue haired mage said.
(Gohan puts his hands out, making a spring sound effect from Sonic the Hedgehog, bouncing the Spirit Bomb back at Vegeta)
VEGETA: There's nothing left now- your last hope and you missed. You're all defeated and there isn't a damn thing you can- (thinking) What smells like deer? (notices the Spirit Bomb but gets hit at point-blank) WAAAAAH! (gets blasted into the sky with the Spirit Bomb) CURSE MY HUBRIS!
"YEAH!"
"That had to have beaten him," Lucy says while letting loose a breath of air.
"I've learned to expect the opposite with these people." Carla says.
KRILLIN: All right, Goku. Let's get you and Gohan home. It's been tough, but now, we'll never have to see that rotten Saiyan ever again. (Vegeta lands next to Goku and Krillin).
"Please stop talking Krillin," Lucy pleads.
KRILLIN: Alive again. We'll never have to see him alive again, that's what I meant. (approaches Vegeta's motionless body) But at least it's finally over.
"Shut up Krillin," Lucy growls out.
YAJIROBE: You gonna eat that Saiyan?
"Ew," Wendy's face crunches up in disgust.
KRILLIN: Wha-
YAJIROBE: Dibs!
KRILLIN: Rrright. Anyway, it seems the Spirit Bomb's done the trick. And with that, we can all go home and live in peace and-
VEGETA: (wakes up) HUAAAAAAAH!
KRILLIN: WAAAAAAHH!
GOHAN: AAAAAAAHH!
YAJIROBE: UAAAAAHHH!
"WAAAAAAAHHHH!"
KRILLIN: WAAAAAHH!
VEGETA: AAAAAAH!
GOHAN: AAAAAAAH!
YAJIROBE: UAAAAHHH!
(everyone continues yelling in the background)
GOKU: What's going on, guys? We won, right?
Chapter End