Chapter 15: World's Strongest
(cut over to the icy mountains with a gigantic pillar of light being shown, which causes snow to tumble down as it reveals that the blast came from Piccolo)
PICCOLO: (shivering due to being out in the cold) G-good. Progress on my...ice castle is underway. I'll have to...install central heating. Body is n-ninety percent water... And this CLOAK DOES NOTHING!
"Why is Piccolo always in ice wastelands?" Natsu asked, confused.
"Because he has nowhere else to go," Lucy stated the obvious.
OOLONG: Well, maybe you should have packed more.
(cut over to Oolong and Gohan somewhere else in the icy mountains)
"Gohan!" Mira cheered happily.
"This would be after the Saiyans looking at Gohan's outfit," Levy theorized.
GOHAN: Y-you never said we were going to the Tsurumai-Tsuburi Mountains... Literally the coldest place on Earth... You just told me, "Hey, Gohan! I stole-"
OOLONG: "Found."
GOHAN: "-found the Dragon Radar. Wanna go make a wish?"
"Oolong is definitely not the type of person I'd want around a 5-year old," Levy said.
"Even a 5-year old who could blow up a mountain?" Gajeel smirked at her. Levy crossed her arms.
"Even one who can blow up a mountain," She told him.
OOLONG: How about a little less whining and a little more climbing? They just found the sixth ball! (shows six DragonBalls beeping on the radar)
GOHAN: It kind of seems wrong that we're planning on stealing a wish... Which reminds me. What are you planning to wish for?
OOLONG: (envisions himself leading a Communist-like pig group) Justice.
"That's concerning," Lisanna spoke after a brief pause.
GOHAN: What?
OOLONG: Panties. Gonna wish for panties.
"Good cover," Gray complimented.
GOHAN: Oh, Oolong, you're incorrigible!
OOLONG: Yeah, yeah, just get the lead out before they find the seventh- (the Dragon Radar alerts him that the seventh ball has been collected) Oh, oink me in the alps.
"I wonder who's collecting them," Wendy pondered.
(shows all seven DragonBalls on the snow and glowing)
KOCHIN: Rise, Eternal Dragon! Did I do it right? I hope I did it right. (there is a burst of energy and all seven Dragon Balls fall off of the cliff) Aw, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh shit! Is that bad? Can they break?!
"I hope not," Lucy said.
(there's another burst of energy and Shenron appears)
SHENRON: *sighs* Okay, what do you assholes want this ti- (sees Kochin) Oh. OH! Hmm... I am the Eternal Dragon. State your wish and I shall grant it.
"Someone's cheerful," Juvia mused.
"I would be too if I was always summoned by a group of idiots," Gajeel replied.
KOCHIN: I have scoured the planet for you for the last fifty years. With you lies my only hope... Eternal Dragon, I beseech you, with your bountiful, mystic power... Could you please melt the ice off my front door?
"What?" Everyone paused.
SHENRON: E-excuse me?
KOCHIN: Look, I left to get groceries fifty years ago. Bit of a trek to civilization. Came back, the entire lair was iced over. Went back, got some salt. Pretty evidential real quick that that wasn't going to work. Tried fire, melted it. That just made more ice-try and figure that out. Then I tried, uh... I'm sorry, is this a little unorthodox?
SHENRON: Just a little, yes.
"What a waste of a wish," Lucy's jaw dropped.
"I understand his reasoning," Natsu told her. Lucy slumped further into her seat.
KOCHIN: I'm sorry, I'm not really used to the whole 'magical dragon' thing. I'm an engineer by trade.
SHENRON: Hey, look, it's fine. But, how 'bout-just throwing it out there-I give YOU the power to melt the ice!
KOCHIN: But that's what I have YOU for…
"He knows that, he's trying to grant the wish," Erza explains.
SHENRON: Yes, I know, but I'm trying to-
KOCHIN: Don't you go pawning this off on me!
"He's not," Carla facepalms, feeling her own IQ drop.
SHENRON: I'm not, but if it happens AGAIN, then... You know, fine. Whatever. (eyes glow red and then proceeds to melt the ice)
KOCHIN: Oh, wow! That was fast!
SHENRON: Yeah, well, I just put a massive hole in your ozone layer. What, took you fifty years to find me? Good luck figuring out how long it takes THAT to fix! Shenron, out.
(Shenron disappears and the seven DragonBalls fly up in the sky and scatters)
"Shenron really doesn't give a shit," Gajeel concluded.
"More environmental destruction," Levy complained.
OOLONG: No! My Schwein-Staffel!
"I don't wanna know what that means," Elfman said.
KOCHIN: Finally! Now, to reunite with my master, and... Oh, crap. Did I leave my keys at Slump's?
(shows a silhouetted figure of Goku preparing to use the Spirit Bomb by lifting both hands in the sky as it shows a brain in the background as well as the text that reads 'The World's Strongest')
(cut to Gohan and Oolong investigating the newly-uncovered lab)
OOLONG: All right, what the hell is this and why did my wish get wasted on it?
GOHAN: It looks like an...evil lair!
"Gohan sounds excited," Lisanna giggled.
"Of course he's a kid who's probably read stories of superheroes," Mira also giggled.
OOLONG: Oh, no... Nope, uh-uh, no way! I know how this goes! (leaps off Gohan and tries to run off) You can't make me- (gets stopped in his tracks by a blue warrior) Damn it all!
"Is that a saibamen?" Levy asked.
GOHAN: Don't worry, Oolong! I'll save you-
(three more blue warriors appear and proceed to ambush Gohan)
OOLONG: Get 'em, Gohan!
"HELP HIM!" Mira screamed.
(Gohan continues to be beaten up until Piccolo grabs one of the blue warrior's hands)
PICCOLO: (is blue-skinned from head to toe) Hey, Gohan. C-c-c-cold enough for ya?
"Piccolo's here to help again!" Wendy and Happy cheered.
GOHAN: Mr...Piccolo?
PICCOLO: Did we miss some Saibamen?
BIOMAN: We are Biomen.
"So a ripoff of Saibamen then?" Levy mused.
PICCOLO: I feel like we missed some Saibamen.
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo...
PICCOLO: J-just watch out for the explodey ones. Don't wanna pull a-
YAMCHA: Hey, guys! I was in the middle of training, and I saw what went down- (a Bioman grabs him and starts glowing) WHY?! (Bioman explodes off-screen)
"Strangely enough, I don't feel bad about it," Levy said.
"It's Yamcha, you shouldn't feel bad about it," Gajeel explained.
PICCOLO: That. Don't wanna pull a that. (shows Yamcha on the ground groaning in pain...and defeat) So...wanna help me build my ice castl- (begins to scream as he's blasted from underground)
Mira laughs a bit before covering her mouth with a tiny blush.
GOHAN: Mr... (Piccolo continues screaming) Piccolo... (passes out as he and Oolong fall through the ice) (later regains consciousness inside a cave) Mr. Piccolo? Oolong! I think Mr. Piccolo's in trouble!
"He can handle himself," Mira dismisses.
OOLONG: Oh, no. I'm fine, Gohan. Thanks for asking.
GOHAN: Yeah, well, sorry, but he was screaming pretty loud, and-
OOLONG: When's the last time you saw a fight where someone didn't scream?
"He has a point," Lucy agreed before shivering a bit. She never believed she would agree with a perverted pig.
OOLONG: Now. We are going to go home, and you are not going to tell your mother about this little outing.
GOHAN: But I-
OOLONG: DO NOT TELL YOUR MOTHER ABOUT THIS!
GOHAN: Okay! Fine. Why do I feel like I'm going to hear that for the rest of my life?
"Because you are," Everyone said.
OOLONG: Because you are.
(cut to Goku's house)
CHI-CHI: You're seriously not going to talk to him?
GOKU: Why? He came back safe and sound.
(inside, Goku is doing push-ups with his thumb and Chi-Chi is cooking)
CHI-CHI: He was gone for three days, and refuses to tell us where he went or what he did.
GOKU: Oh, come on, Chi-Chi. I lived in the woods for eight years all by myself.
"That explains a lot," Gray said.
"I lived in the woods when I was a kid. I don't see the issue," Natsu frowned in confusion.
"Of course you wouldn't," Lucy shakes her head. Natsu tips his head to the side confused.
CHI-CHI: That's why you're not his role model.
GOKU: 'Course not. Piccolo is.
"Understandable," Gajeel said.
(shift to inside Gohan's room, who's doing his homework)
CHI-CHI: And THAT is a conversation we desperately need to have.
GOHAN: (sighs and sits back on his chair and remembers seeing Piccolo back at the Tsurumai-Tsuburi Mountains along with an explosion with Yamcha screaming) I sure hope Mr. Piccolo's doing alright.
(shifts to a weird dream with Gohan walking on a planet with Piccolo on the peak of a mountain)
PICCOLO: Gohan! Gohan! I'm trying to reach you telepathically! (shows Gohan flying with two animals and a book with Chi-Chi creeping in the background) God, Gohan, they've captured me! (shows a brief shot of Piccolo and then shifts back to Gohan walking on a red planet behind Piccolo, who's also walking) Gohan! They're torturing me! They're forcing things into my brain, Gohan! Gohan! My veins! (shows Gohan alone in a sunset area) GOHAN!
Everyone felt disturbed at the scene in Gohan's head.
"Are we sure Gohan isn't on drugs?" Lucy asked, frightened.
CHI-CHI: Gohan!
PICCOLO: MY VEINS!
CHI-CHI: Gohan! (back to reality where Gohan wakes up) Gohan, what is going on with you?
GOHAN: I... I was dreaming.
CHI-CHI: Well, have you finished your homework?
GOHAN: Oh, Mom! I'm never finished.
CHI-CHI: That is the correct answer.
"Let the kid have some fun geez," Gray complained.
Chi-Chi's strict nature caused Natsu to shiver in freight. Being reminded of Erza's strict teaching from when they were kids. The Scarlet haired knight agreed with Chi-Chi's teaching methods.
CHI-CHI: Gohan, you're not on drugs, right?
GOHAN: It was just the one apple, Mom.
"I thought the Dead Zone didn't happen?" Happy asked confused.
"I guess Krillin based his story on actual events," Levy told him.
(cut over at Kame House)
OOLONG: This is some old bullshit! Just because I stole the Dragon Radar means I have to do all the prep work? Where does he even grow this stuff, anyway? He doesn't have a basement... (shrieks as Bulma appears beside him)
"Bulma the ninja," Both Natsu and Happy made ninja hand signs.
BULMA: Best not to ask too many questions. Also, have you checked the oven?
OOLONG: Oh, hell.. (opens the oven, which emits black smoke causing him to cough repeatedly before opening his eyes, which is now red) Great, now my entire evening is gonna be spent trying to find something to watch on Netflix!
MASTER ROSHI: (from upstairs) Those better not be my brownies, pig! (coughs and someone knocks on the front door) Oh, geez. Turtle, can you get that? I can not find my feet…
"Great he's high," Lucy rolled her eyes.
"High on what?" Wendy asked before Carla shushed her.
(Turtle goes outside to see who it is)
TURTLE: What up? You got the money?
"The turtle can talk?" Carla raised an eyebrow.
"We're talking cats," Lily gave her a deadpan stare.
"Touché," Carla replied.
(shows the face of a Bioman)
BIOMAN: We want the Roshi!
TURTLE: And WE want the money.
"This is the weirdest drug deal I've ever seen," Gajeel comments.
BIOMAN: Bring us the Roshi, or be destroyed!
TURTLE: How about you get the hell off our island?
BIOMAN: There are six of Biomen and one of Turtle!
TURTLE: I am nine hundred and ninety-nine years old. I don't give a f**k!
"And I'm betting that turtle can kick their asses," Gajeel quips.
(Master Roshi comes out the door coughing)
MASTER ROSHI: Are you the buyer? 'Cause there's gonna be a bit of a delay. (coughs a few more times) Turns out pigs can't cook brownies.
"I'm not surprised," Lisanna giggles.
BIOMAN: You have been forcefully in-vited to the laboratory of Dr. Wheelo!
MASTER ROSHI: I only need one doctor, and that's "Feelgood". Also, my GP to check my prostate every few years; it's important at my age.
"Should make sure the master has gotten his check ups after this," Mira thought to herself.
BULMA: (walks out the front door) Roshi, what the heck is going on- (sees the Biomen) Wait, are those Saibamen?
"SEE!" Levy flaps her arms at the screen.
BIOMAN: We are Biomen. And if you do not comply, we will make you!
MASTER ROSHI: Ooooh, it is a bad time for this...
BIOMAN: Prepare for combat!
(the Biomen attack and are easily defeated by Master Roshi, with one of them landing next to Turtle)
MASTER ROSHI: I do not hold back when I'm toasted.
"To be fair, they were warned," Lily said.
KOCHIN: (starts clapping) Excellent. Exactly to be expected from the world's strongest fighter.
MASTER ROSHI: Eh, I'm not one to brag. *sniffs*
Carla and Lucy rolled their eyes.
KOCHIN: Dr. Wheelo will be humbled to have you as his honored guest. Whether you like it or not.
MASTER ROSHI: (referring to the Biomen he has defeated) Are the bodies not a clear indicator of how this is gonna go down?
KOCHIN: Well, you see, strength is only relative when a little leverage is applied. (points to the front porch to reveal two Saiba-I mean Biomen holding Bulma by both arms, who starts panicking).
"Why was she just standing there?" Erza complained.
KOCHIN: Now, comply, lest I have my Saiba-
BIOMAN: We are BIOMEN!
"YOU'RE NOT!" Levy screamed.
KOCHIN: Yes, whatever! Nobody cares! My creations rip her limb from limb.
MASTER ROSHI: Damn it. And those are some fine-ass limbs, too. All right, I'll go. Turtle, you're in charge!
"Bulma does look nice," Gray pointed out. Next to him Juvia fumes in jealousy.
TURTLE: All right, but if the buyer shows up, I'm taking ten percent.
MASTER ROSHI: Triflin'-ass turtle.
(cut to Oolong at Goku's house speaking to Goku who bathing in a barrel)
OOLONG: Old man Roshi might have been kidnapped.
GOKU: Oh, don't sweat it. Roshi can handle that.
OOLONG: Yeah... They might have also been strong enough to take Piccolo, too. Uh, they said they were looking for the world's strongest fighter.
GOKU: But I'm... Why didn't they...? (cut to him fully dressed on the Flying Nimbus speaking to Chi-Chi and Gohan) There's been a terrible mistake, I gotta fix this! (takes off)
"He actually took offense to it," Levy's face straightened into a deadpan stare.
"Oh Goku," Erza sighed.
"Makes sense, Goku is the strongest," Natsu said. Lucy sighed as well.
"The problem is that he isn't humbled," Lucy told him.
(cut to inside a laboratory with Master Roshi being shown on a monitor)
KOCHIN: There he is... Your new body!
DR. WHEELO: Why is he old?
"Mysterious outside voice," Levy notes.
KOCHIN: He's the world's strongest man!
"Goku is," Natsu replied.
DR. WHEELO: And the world's oldest. (monitor shows Bulma sitting on a chair alongside Master Roshi) Again, Kochin, why not just give me the woman?
KOCHIN: I told you, you can't have a WOMAN'S body! They're not nearly strong enough!
"Wanna test that theory?" Erza frowned, as did the other females in the room.
DR. WHEELO: Sexism aside... I'm really not that picky.
KOCHIN: Also, she doesn't have a penis.
"So you wanna give him the old man penis?" Levy's face twisted in disgust.
DR. WHEELO: ...So you want to give me the old man?
KOCHIN: Yes.
DR. WHEELO: With the old man's penis?
KOCHIN: Listen, you just need a demonstration.
DR. WHEELO: Oh, please no.
(shift over to Bulma, who screams as she gets pulled down into the darkness)
MASTER ROSHI: Oh, come on! This ain't your first kidnappin'!
"Wonder how many times it happened?" Wendy tilted her head to the side.
(the lights come on)
KOCHIN: Feast your eyes on our Bio-Warriors!
DR. WHEELO: Kochin... (monitor changes to show the Bio-Warriors as innocent creatures) What did you do to my creations?! Zap-Zap, Blub-Blub, Burr?!
"Laaaaaame!" Natsu and Happy whined out.
KOCHIN: I made a few alterations this morning. Introducing Electrocutioner! Bouncy Butcher! And Freezer!
"Sort of better," Natsu said.
FREEZER: Bah!
KOCHIN: Fighting someone on the trademark for that last name, though.
DR. WHEELO: They're terrifying!
KOCHIN: Terrifyingly effective!
DR. WHEELO: They were supposed to be cute and cuddly and aid the elderly!
KOCHIN: Now they're cruel and vicious and fight the elderly! Speaking of which, commence the demonstration!
"I kinda feel bad for the mysterious voice," Happy said. The others shared the sentiment.
MASTER ROSHI: Oh man, and I'm comin' down... (begins to fight the Bio-Warriors)
BULMA: Beat their asses!
DR. WHEELO: Woah, where'd she come from? (shows Bulma with shackles on both her hands and feet) And why is she chained up?
MASTER ROSHI: Ka... Me.. Ha... Me... HAAA!
(Master Roshi fires the blast at Bouncy Butcher, who absorbs the blast and deflects it back at him. Master Roshi nearly dodges his own blast and gets punched by Freezer. Electrocutioner proceeds to shock Master Roshi with electric whips, who falls down to the ground, sizzling in defeat)
"Oh shit," Lucy breathed out.
"Three on one isn't fair, especially against an old man," Elfman glares.
KOCHIN: Fiddlesticks. I could have sworn he was the strongest fighter in the world.
BULMA: Oh, right. The three hundred year-old man.
DR. WHEELO: Seriously, why is she chained up?
"Fetishes I guess," Levy shrugged her shoulders.
BULMA: Roshi's not even in the top five anymore. As in, I've got at least five friends, all stronger than he is!
"And he'll be going down that ladder as we progress," Levy frowned.
KOCHIN: Is that so?
DR. WHEELO: Oh, do not indulge him.
BULMA: Okay, who else keeps talking?
(Dr. Wheelo reveals himself, who is a brain embedded in a wall)
DR. WHEELO: Hello.
"Woah! Big brain!" Natsu shouted. Everyone widens their eyes at the huge brain.
BULMA: Um... Hi?
DR. WHEELO: My name is Dr. Wheelo. Good to meet you.
BULMA: Wait, Dr. Jonathan Wheelo? The famous biologist and cancer researcher? Your breakthroughs changed the entire landscape of the field!
"Glad to know he wasn't evil!" Levy's face brightens up hearing about Wheelo's achievements.
"Great another nerd," Gajeel groans before Levy elbows him in his sides.
DR. WHEELO: Oh, thank you. Thank you. Can I have your body?
BULMA: What? No!
"An expected response," Lucy relates.
DR. WHEELO: Oh, I'm so sorry, not sexually. I-I mean your actual, physical body. To put my brain in.
BULMA: Still NO!
DR. WHEELO: Oh, come on, it's been fifty years! I suddenly got sick one day-lung cancer, ironically-and that one decides to put me in stasis. (Kochin frowns and glares at Dr. Wheelo) Next thing I know, he's gone to get groceries for fifty years. Which is just my father all over again.
"That's really sad," Wendy wishes she could heal Wheelo.
"Feel bad about making fun of his monsters now," Natsu said.
BULMA: Okay, well, I'm sorry and all, but there's no way I'd agree to that. Not that you'd fit, anyway.
DR. WHEELO: Whhyyyy?
"Because your brain is the size of Lucy's fat butt," Happy jokes. The celestial spirit mage did not share the humor.
"MY BUTT ISN'T FAT!"
KOCHIN: Oh, your gray matter seems to have absorbed a little bit of the embalming fluid that you're stored in!
DR. WHEELO: What?! How big am I?!
BULMA: I'd say...a golden retriever.
DR. WHEELO: But a golden retriever's brain is small!
BULMA: No, like, the size of a golden retriever.
DR. WHEELO: Kochin, what the hell, man?!
KOCHIN: Oh, calm down, sir...
DR. WHEELO: I can't fit in a body like THIS!
"I'd be pissed too if my assistant screwed me over that badly," Gray said.
KOCHIN: Don't worry about it. Sometimes brain surgery is a little more 'art' than science.
"One way to describe it," Levy said.
DR. WHEELO: You're thinking of baking!
KOCHIN: I might be thinking of baking...
BULMA: Well, Pinky. You picked the wrong guy, anyway. You want Son Goku.
DR. WHEELO: Can I fit in him?
"You can use Natsu too," Gray quipped.
"My head isn't empty!?" Natsu replied annoyed.
BULMA: To be fair, there's probably a vacancy. But you have to get him here first. And good luck kidnapping-
(a warning alarm goes off)
DR. WHEELO: What is that?
(Goku is shown on the screen)
"He showed up on his own," Mira said.
GOKU: Hello. My name is Son Goku. Is anyone home?
KOCHIN: Oh, and the stars align.
GOKU: Someone made a mistake! If you're looking for the world's strongest fighter, I'm here!
KOCHIN: Yes, yes! Son Goku! Please, if you would, join us!
GOKU: A'ight! (jumps off the Flying Nimbus and lands near the front entrance) Sure hope it's warmer inside... (shifts to him running inside shivering his tits off) It's actually colder! How is it colder?! (enters a room filled with a bunch of giant, floating balls) Oh, cool! He's got a ball pit! (spikes emerges from all the floating balls) Oh, no, he's got a ball pit.. (jumps to avoid getting hit by an incoming ball)
"Looks fun," Natsu grins. Lucy just sighs for the 100th time.
DR. WHEELO: Kochin?
KOCHIN: Yes?
DR. WHEELO: WHAT?!
KOCHIN: Oh, the Death Spheres! Quite ingenious, no?
DR. WHEELO: No! Why do we have them?!
KOCHIN: Well, if the Red Ribbon Army hadn't suddenly up and disappeared, they'd have made us a mint. (Goku destroys all of the Death Spheres with multiple blasts) Annd there goes fifty billion Zeni.
"That much money for a useless ball bit? I could use that money to pay my rent," Lucy complained.
DR. WHEELO: HOW MUCH?!
GOKU: That was easily the second-worst ball pit I've ever been in. (Bouncy Butcher comes out of nowhere and punches him in the face, who rebounds and tries to kick him, but gets enveloped in Bouncy Butcher's squishy body) Oh, no. Oh, God. Ew, ew, ew, it's moist. Why is it moist? (gets away) Okay, get it together. Just gotta go in there...and do it. Just like with Chi-Chi. (Bouncy Butcher starts inflating) Just like with Chi Chi...
The girls of the guild faces turned beet red at Goku's implications.
"I wish to do those things with Gray," Juvia swayed side to side.
"HUH!?" Gray jumped back.
GOKU: (charges at Bouncy Butcher again, pulling his torso with him as he goes higher) Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, EWWWW! (uses Kaio-ken to rip a hole through Bouncy Butcher's torso and flies up to the next floor as Bouncy Butcher is shown deflating like a balloon)
"Goku using Ketchup again," Natsu grinds.
"IT'S KAIOKEN!" Lucy yelled at him.
KOCHIN: Good, good! He's already dispatched one of the Bio-Warriors!
DR. WHEELO: Blub-Blub... He was made for hugs…
"Oh," Wendy frowns.
KOCHIN: And combat!
DR. WHEELO: No...
GOKU: I swear, I'ma deck the heck out of the next guy I see!
FREEZER: (appears in front of Goku) Bah! (Goku decks him in the schnoz) AH! (muffled) OW! F**k! Shit!
The boys all laughed at the scene.
GOKU: Oh! Oh, gosh, I'm sorry!
FREEZER: What the f**k, man?!
GOKU: D-do you need some ice?
"Unintentional on Goku's part,"
FREEZER: Oh, you think you're funny?! Zapps, get in here. I-I need a sec.
ELECTROCUTIONER: I'm the Electrocutioner now!
FREEZER: The electrocutionate him! I don't give a f**k!
GOKU: Who's your buddy? (screams as he gets zapped by Electrocutioner and gets blasted backwards, hitting the stairs as he falls down)
"That looked painful," Lily winced.
DR. WHEELO: ...Wait, can they all talk?
KOCHIN: Of course they can! They're completely sentient.
(cut to Bouncy Butcher face-down on the ground, with a hole in his torso)
BOUNCY BUTCHER: I need a hug…
Wendy's frown deepened.
KOCHIN: With all their own wants and needs, and a crippling fear of death!
BOUNCY BUTCHER: So dark... And cold... (begins sobbing uncontrollably, forming a pool of tears as Bulma watches in stunned shock)
DR. WHEELO: Blub-Blub, no...
KOCHIN: Now, Freezer! Preserve the goods! (Freezer fires an icy blast at Goku which begins to envelop him)
"It is oddly familiar," Natsu brings up. Levy scrunches up in thought.
GOKU: Wait, Freezer? Why does that sound familiar...? (the ice is shown reaching his...family 'DragonBalls') OH, GOD, IT'S LIKE THE WORST PART OF GETTING INTO A POOL TIMES A THOUSAND!
All of the men except Gray cringe at the scene.
KOCHIN: Lay the finishing blow!
(a caped figure appears)
GOKU: Thank goodness! Piccolo's here- (the caped figure is Gohan) Oh. Hey, son.
"Piccolo isn't that small," Lisanna laughs.
"Nor is he adorable in the slightest," Mira adds.
GOHAN: Hold tight, Dad! We've got you!
GOKU: We?
(Krillin appears and lands beside Gohan)
"Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing," Gray said.
KRILLIN: And the Krill-dog's in the houuuuu- (gets electrocuted) AAAAAHHHH!
GOHAN: (also gets electrocuted) AAAAAHHHH! (both he and Krillin get completely frozen solid by Freezer)
A long pause overtakes the audience.
"Wow," Gajeel said.
GOKU: (lets out a deep sigh)
"HE'S DISAPPOINTED!?"
"I would be too," Gajeel crosses his arms.
GOKU: Kaio-ken. (breaks free of the ice with Kaio-ken and punches Freezer hard in the face and then kicks Electrocutioner before breaking his back and finally lands on the ground while holding Electrocutioner and takes a deep breath)
"Now that's manly!" Elfman yells, seeing Goku easily defeat his opponents.
"Gohan and Krillin really weren't needed," Lucy sighed.
KOCHIN: Man, your new body is gonna be wicked! Completely destroyed the Bio-Warriors.
DR. WHEELO: I just thought of something. Kochin...why didn't you give me one of THEIR bodies?
KOCHIN: Uh, hmm... I guess you're right. See, this is why you're the brains! (snickers) ...What, too cheesy?
"Too insensitive," Carla responded.
DR. WHEELO: More insensitive.
KOCHIN: Oh, grow some thicker skin.
"Really?" Levy groaned.
(Wheelo groans in frustration)
BULMA: I thought it was clever.
(cut to Goku, Gohan, and Krillin running through a dark hall)
GOKU: Hurry, guys! We're almost there!
GOHAN: So cold... Still wet!
KRILLIN: Frostbite... So much frostbite!
"I don't see the issue," Gray shrugged his shoulders.
"Same," Natsu agreed.
"Of course you two don't and put on some clothes, Gray!" Erza commanded.
GOKU: Don't worry, Krillin! The cold never killed anyone!
"Maybe not a saiyan, but regular people are a different story," Lucy said.
KRILLIN: Hypothermia would beg to differ!
(back in the main lab, where everything's dark)
DR. WHEELO: Why did you turn out the lights?
KOCHIN: To give us an air of menace!
Carla face palmed at Kochin's stupidity.
DR. WHEELO: Why do we need menace?
KOCHIN: Shh, shh! Here he comes!
(Goku, Gohan, and Krillin arrive)
GOKU: Wow... This place sure is menacing.
"He had to say that," Carla groaned.
BULMA: Goku!
GOKU: Bulma! Don't worry, Bulma! I'll get you out of- (gets shocked by a force field around Bulma and gets thrown backwards)
Fairy tail winces at the shock.
GOHAN: Daddy!
GOKU: Ugh.. I'm gonna have nerve damage after today! (Goku, Gohan, and Krillin are shown behind the monitor) Hey, why didn't you warn me?
"Goku knows what nerve damage is?" Lily asked, shocked.
BULMA: I didn't know it would happen! I haven't tried to break out!
GOKU: Well, why not?
BULMA: I'm chained here!
GOKU: Well, that's sexy.
"HE KNOWS WHAT THAT IS!?" Lucy shouts.
"I know what that is," Natsu tells her.
Lucy screams in confused frustration.
DR. WHEELO: You mean, sexist?
KOCHIN: Well, it's a little sexy.
GOHAN: *gasps* Oh, my goodness! Is that a brain? ...Why is it the size of a Greyhound?
DR. WHEELO: The BUS?!
KOCHIN: This is the magnificent Dr. Wheelo! And we'd like to welcome you to our evil lair!
"YOUR evil lair," Carla corrected.
DR. WHEELO: This is neither a lair, nor is it evil! This is a laboratory! For science!
KOCHIN: Yes...evil science!
DR. WHEELO: No! Neutral science, at worst!
GOKU: I don't care what kind of science you're cooking up! I'm here for two things: to rescue my friends, and correct a mistake! I am Son Goku! And I am the world's strongest!
"At least rescuing his friends is taking first priority this time," Erza sighed.
KOCHIN: Okay, we believe you.
GOKU: Good. Then, if you don't mind, I'ma just grab my friends, and be on my wa- (begins screaming as he's blasted a mysterious red beam)
GOHAN: Pride cometh before the fall, eh Dad?
"To be fair, he had that one coming," Levy points out.
KRILLIN: Come on, Gohan! It's two against- (Piccolo appears in front of him) Huh! Three! Three against one! Ha-ha!
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo!
"Something's off," Juvia mentions.
"He's more angry than usual," Mira agrees.
DR. WHEELO: Wait, how long have we had him?
KOCHIN: About a week?
DR. WHEELO: Just give me his body!
KOCHIN: Can't. No penis.
"Why does he know that!?" Carla responded in disgust.
DR. WHEELO: Why do you KNOW that?! (Kochin smiles)
"He's the ultimate creep," Lucy shivered.
GOKU: Yo, I broke out of the thingy. Oh, hey, Piccolo! Wow, your eyes are red... You been hanging around Master Roshi?
GOHAN: (runs up to Piccolo) Mr. Piccolo! (Piccolo punches him in the face)
Mira's dark aura appeared.
GOKU: Don't you dare hit my son! ...Unless you're training right now. In which case, Gohan, get back up.
Mira's aura spiked.
Erza sighs at Goku's obliviousness.
GOHAN: Dad, I think Dr. Wheelo's controlling him!
DR. WHEELO: But I am a brain in a jar!
GOKU: So you admit it!
DR. WHEELO: Kochin, please explain...
KOCHIN: KILL THEM ALL!
"That's not what he meant!" Wendy yells frustrated.
DR. WHEELO: WHY?!
(Piccolo comes at them, causing Krillin to immediately scream and dive out of the way. Piccolo screams for a bit and then proceeds to engage Goku in battle.)
GOHAN: Stop this! You are men of science! How could you commit such atrocities?!
KOCHIN: Excuse you, mustard gas would like a word...
GOHAN: Uh, excuse YOU, solar energy has something to say!
KOCHIN: Excuse YOU, anthrax has an opinion on that!
GOHAN: Excuse YOU, penicillin would like to chime in!
"Are these nerd insults?" Gajeel face twists in bewilderment. Everyone else wonders the same thing.
Levy shrinks down a bit knowing she's the only one to understand it.
KOCHIN: ...The atom bomb.
(Gohan screams and lets out a shockwave that destroys part of the laboratory)
DR. WHEELO: Kochin, stop antagonizing him!
KOCHIN: You're right. He's incredibly strong! In fact…
"No," Mira seethes.
DR. WHEELO: Kochin, he is a child!
KOCHIN: With a penis!
"Kill him," Mira said, incredibly pissed. She wasn't the only one as everyone else shared a look of anger and disgust at Kochin's words.
DR. WHEELO: Kochin, please!
KOCHIN: You're right... I should CHECK! (fires a blast from his cane at Gohan, who deflects by screaming out another shockwave that creates a crater around him, which causes him to slip and fall on his back) Insolent boy... He's in for such a caning... (reaches for his cane, but Krillin kicks it away)
"Krillin does something good for once," Lucy smiles.
KRILLIN: Not so tough without your cane, huh old man? (Kochin smiles and holds out his hand) Um... (the hand transforms into a gatling gun) Ah! (Kochin opens fire...with the bullets harmlessly bouncing off Krillin) Whatever happened to Launch?
"Yeah that was too good to be true," Lucy sighed.
(Master Roshi appears and takes out Kochin)
MASTER ROSHI: And that's for ruinin' my Sunday.
"At least the old pervert did something," Gray said.
(the mind controlling device on Piccolo's head shatters, turning him back to normal)
PICCOLO: Huh?
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo!
PICCOLO: DODGE! (punches Gohan in the face)
GOHAN: (thinking; sighs) Back to normal.
"Greeeeaaat," Mira rolls her eyes.
"I'm happy about it," Wendy says.
"Good for you sweet child," Mira smiled.
DR. WHEELO: Fifty years I was alone... And when I'm finally saved from that loneliness, all I find is horror. In this form, I am powerless; doomed to witness these atrocities. I need a body...I WILL have a body! (breaks free from the wall with Bulma screaming in fear as his brain is revealed to be inside a mechanical body) HOW LONG HAVE I HAD THIS?!
"I really wish I could help him," Wendy pouts.
KOCHIN: Wait, you seriously never noticed the exo-body I left for you? Did you think I'd literally just leave you in a jar? What kind of monster do you think I am? (Dr. Wheelo stomps the floor, sending Kochin falling down into the abyss) Fair enoooooooough!
"And hopefully, that's the last time we see him," Lisanna said.
GOKU: See? Now you got a body.
"Yeah!" Natsu agreed.
DR. WHEELO: This is not a body! This can't taste, or smell, or touch! I am a brain trapped in an exoskeleton!
PICCOLO: Well, when you think about it, aren't we all just- (Dr. Wheelo slaps him)
DR. WHEELO: NO!
"Piccolo wasn't exactly wrong," Levy said.
MASTER ROSHI: A Kame and a Hame and a Send-him-home-to-mommy!
GOKU, MASTER ROSHI, and KRILLIN: KA... ME... HA... ME... HA!
(all three of them fire a combined Kamehameha wave at Dr. Wheelo, which fails to scathe him)
"SO COOL!" Natsu and Happy shout.
MASTER ROSHI: Krillin, you better not have held back! (gets hit by Dr. Wheelo)
KRILLIN: Oh, come on! We both know it was Goku! (also gets hit by Dr. Wheelo) WAH!
GOKU: Yeah, it might have been me.
"Oh Goku," Erza face palmed.
BULMA: (head pops out from the table beside Krillin) Can you take me home?
GOKU: All right, everyone. Stand back. I'ma Kaio-kening. (Gohan attempts to attack with the Power Pole and gets whacked by Dr. Wheelo's tail) That means you too, Gohan.
"He really needs to learn how to listen," Carla huffed.
GOHAN: (as he hits the ground off-screen) Ow...
GOKU: Kaio-ken times three! (transforms and starts charging toward Dr. Wheelo)
DR. WHEELO: Kaio-what? (Goku attacks and removes his right arm) Aah!
"There it is," Levy chirped.
GOKU: Ka... Me... Ha... Me.. HA! (fires a Kaio-Ken powered Kamehameha wave at Dr. Wheelo, who counters by firing a mouth blast, resulting in a beam struggle with Dr. Wheelo having an advantage) (thinking) Kaio-ken...times three... (out loud) AND A HALF! (Kamehameha wave complete engulfs Dr. Wheelo)
"Guess it didn't need full power like with Vegeta," Lily said.
DR. WHEELO: AA- (cut to an outside shot of the laboratory, with the roof blowing off) -AAAAAH! (the laboratory is shown to be completely destroyed)
GOKU: (starts catching his breath) And point...proven!
"Yup! You're the strongest!" Natsu smiled broadly.
KRILLIN: Wow, that was...quicker than expected.
GOKU: Naw, he's alive up there. Plotting like the evil scientist he is.
"I don't think that's right," Wendy pointed out.
"What do you mean child?" Carla asked her. Wendy looked down at her partner.
"Wheelo doesn't come off as a bad person, just misunderstood," Wendy explained.
(cut to Dr. Wheelo in outer space)
DR. WHEELO: Look at this planet. So beautiful. I'll never see it with my own eyes again... (begins sobbing in complete sadness)
"Yeah, Wendy's right," Happy said, his ears flopped down.
(cut back to the destroyed lab)
GOKU: Someone needs to kill him. And by someone...I mean the Earth! (raises both arms up)
"No need for overkill," Gray said.
GOHAN: Wait, this doesn't seem right...
KRILLIN: Yeah! Kill him, Goku!
"Goddammit Krillin," Lucy groaned.
GOHAN: I'll be right back. (flies off)
KRILLIN: Yeah! Kill him, Gohan!
"Goddammit Krillin," Gray said this time.
(back in outer space, Dr. Wheelo continues crying when Gohan appears)
GOHAN: Hey, Dr. Wheelo, I... Wait, are you crying?
DR. WHEELO: I physically can't, but I'm just so sad...
GOHAN: You're...not really evil at all, are you?
"He understood just like you Wendy," Mira smiled.
The youngest Dragon slayer blushed at the compliment.
DR. WHEELO: No... I just want a body. Fifty years alone and trapped... (continues crying)
GOHAN: Can you wait one more?
KRILLIN: It's KRILLER TI- (Dr. Wheelo slaps him)
"That's never gonna be a thing," Gajeel spoke as if it's a fact.
DR. WHEELO: I mean, I guess...
GOKU: (from down on Earth) All right! Ready to kill him!
GOHAN: Dad, no, we worked it out! He's not evil!
GOKU: Oh. (is seen holding the Spirit Bomb) Well, I can't just turn this off. Maybe if I just set it down... (an exploding sound is heard and then shows Goku lying among the falling rubble) Good work, team...
"Note to self, don't unnecessarily charge a spirit bomb," Natsu nods his head.
(one year later, everyone has gathered around at Capsule Corp. and Shenron is summoned from the seven DragonBalls)
SHENRON: I am the Eternal Dragon. State your... (sees the Z-Fighters and sighs) Okay, who died?
"Straight to the point huh?" Lily raised an eyebrow.
GOHAN: Actually, nobody. In fact, we want you to create a whole new body.
SHENRON: ...I'm listening.
GOHAN: We want you to make a human body, and put that brain inside of it.
SHENRON: Huh. Well, at least it's better than that last wish. Who summons the Eternal Dragon to melt some ice?
DR. WHEELO: Hmm...
SHENRON: Your wish is granted.
(eyes glows red and gives Dr. Wheelo a human body)
DR. WHEELO: Thank you, everyone. (shows everyone (minus Goku) giving a horrified look as it shows the crown of his head being humongous in order to fit his already large brain, which is making loud heartbeat sounds) Now I can live a normal life again.
Everyone almost threw up at the disgusting sight.
"Not for long," Gajeel gags.
("Kochin and the Brain", a parody of the Pinky & The Brain theme song by Team Four Star, plays as the ending credits roll)
"I hope Wheelo enjoys his body," Wendy smiles nervously.
"He might not be enjoying it for long," Gajeel whispered to Levy.
Mira gets up and moves to the lacrama. "Onto the next one!" Mira cheered.
"YEAH!"
Chapter End