NOTE: I'm not 100% sure if the Fairy Tail characters celebrate Christmas, but for the sake of the story, just go with it.
Please enjoy the story and review.
Chapter 16: Christmas Tree of Might(Part 1)
(cut to Gohan, Krillin, Bulma and Oolong camping in the woods)
NARRATOR: 'Twas the week before Christmas, and upon the Earth, Krillin and Gohan were searching for a tree of great worth. They longed for a tree both tall and rare, and for some other reason, Oolong was there. And with eyes full of wonder and faces all grins, this, my dear viewers, is where our story begins.
"Oh, I love christmas!" Happy bounced up and down.
KRILLIN: Alright guys, sleep well. We have an early morning tomorrow to search for our perfect Christmas tree!
BULMA: Hey, did anyone take care of that fire?
KRILLIN: Oolong, you got that?
OOLONG: I'm watching it.
"Bad decision to let the genocidal pig take care of a forest fire," Gray said.
(shows the forest being burned down as the animals flee the area)
KRILLIN: I thought you said you were watching the fire!
OOLONG: I was! It was beautiful.
GOHAN: Poor animals, their Christmas is ruined now...
KRILLIN: Yeah, and now we don't have our tree.
"Is that all you care about?" Lucy rolled her eyes.
GOHAN: I wish there was something we could do for them.
"Such a kind hearted kid," Mira chimed.
KRILLIN: (a ding sound is heard) Wish? I got it! We could use the DragonBalls!
(shows a quick montage of Gohan and Krillin collecting all seven DragonBalls)
KRILLIN: We got the DragonBalls!
GOHAN: Amazing how much easier this became with time.
"It wouldn't if you guys stopped screwing up as much," Levy shook her head.
(Shenron gets summoned)
SHENRON: I am the Eternal Dragon. State your... (sees Krillin, Bulma, and Oolong) No... No way. No, not you again! HAS IT EVEN BEEN A YEAR?!
"I doubt it," Carla said, plainly.
OOLONG: It's been one year, two months, and fifteen...
SHENRON: SHUT THE HELL UP!
"That's one pissed dragon," Natus whistled.
KRILLIN: Almighty Shenron, we called you forth to help us in this dire time! As you can see, this beautiful land full of trees and life has been burned to the ground.
SHENRON: So you want me to restore life to this desolated forest?
"Yes," Erza smiled.
KRILLIN: Hell no! I want a Christmas tree!
"Goddammit Krillin," Erza looked disappointed.
SHENRON: ...You want...a tree.
KRILLIN: Not just any tree... The PERFECT Christmas tree!
SHENRON: ...Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll give your tree. I'll give you THE BEST DAMN TREE YOU'VE EVER SEEN! (starts laughing sinisterly as he grants Krillin's wish)
"That's not ominous in the slightest," Levy rolled her eyes.
KRILLIN: Thank you!
SHENRON: Oh, don't thank me. 'Tis the season of giving. (vanishes as the DragonBalls scatter away)
(cut to a spaceship approaching Earth)
SLAY: Turles, sir, our navigation system just changed course. We're on route to a new planet, Earth.
TURLES: Does it contain a sufficient amount of joy?
SLAY: According to our sensors, yes.
TURLES: Well then... Merry Christmas.
"GOKU!?"
"It's like a Black Goku!?" Natsu shouted.
"That doesn't seem right," Lucy looks unsure at Natsu's words.
"Another brother perhaps?" Levy scribbles in her notepad.
("Christmas Tree of Might" appears on the screen as "Jingle Bell Rock" plays before switching to "Rock The Dragon")
(cut to Goku's house)
CHI-CHI: You are not allowed to go camping again, young man.
GOKU: (in background) We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas... On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way...
GOHAN: But Mom, Oolong's the one who burned down the forest, not me!
"Guilty by association," Erza's serious tone cut through.
"He's five," Mira tells her.
"And learning responsibility at a young age is important," Erza responded back.
CHI-CHI: I don't care whose fault it is, you need to be responsible. Remember, if you don't act like a good little boy, Santa won't bring you any presents this year. Goku, stop that or I will deck you in the halls!
GOKU: Okay!
"Whipped," Gajeel cracks. Levy slaps him in the back of the head, bringing him back down to earth.
GOHAN: He's just gonna bring me books again...
CHI-CHI: He brings you what you like, and what do you like!?
GOHAN: I like books!
CHI-CHI: See, he brings you what you like.
Everyone turned towards Erza. The knight returned their gazes with a confused stare.
"What?" She asked.
"Nothing," They replied quickly.
GOKU: Well, what am I getting for Christmas?
CHI-CHI: The same thing as last year, Goku.
GOKU: Oh, so that thing you do with your mouth-?
CHI-CHI: Not in front of Gohan!
Cue the obvious blushing from all the women.
"Hey, Levy can we-"
"NO!" Levy quickly shushed Gajeel.
(cut to Yamcha and Puar flying inside a car)
PUAR: Yamcha, why did you spend all your baseball money on this car instead of buying Christmas gifts for your friends?
YAMCHA: Puar, the only gift they need is the gift of Yamcha.
"Asshole," Gray shook his head.
PUAR: ...That's a non-refundable gift, isn't it?
YAMCHA: Just like this car.
(there's an explosion from inside the forests that sends the car flying, causing Yamcha and Puar to scream before the car explodes)
"So we can all agree he had that coming?" Gajeel asked everyone.
"Yeah, it's Yamcha," Everyone spoke.
SLAY: It is time. Plant the tree. (short pause) Of might. (another short pause) The Christmas Tree of Might.
(Diaz throws the seed into an abyss)
JINGA & BERU: Oh...
JINGA: Title drop.
SLAY: Now...let the Yuletide celebrations begin.
("Deck the Halls Metal Style!" plays as the Christmas Tree of Might starts growing and destroying the city)
BOY: Mommy? (gets crushed by a car, in which a man is seen getting out and runs off)
That made everyone sad.
(cut to Goku's House)
YAMCHA: So yeah, um, I'm gonna have to crash with you guys for a while.
GOKU: Ha, ha! "Crash" like your car.
YAMCHA: Yes, Goku... Like my car.
MASTER ROSHI: I can't believe the wreckage landed on your house.
"I think Yamcha's life is worse than Krillin's," Happy brought up.
"I wouldn't doubt, at least Krillin didn't die to a Saibamen," Natsu told his partner.
YAMCHA: Neither can I. And since I put all my money into the car, I'm pretty much destitute.
GOHAN: You know, studies say that depression hits worst during the holiday season. That's why the suicide rates are so high.
YAMCHA: ...
(everyone except Yamcha and Bulma start laughing)
"Not sure if I would laugh at the suicide part, but everything else about it is pretty funny," Lily summarized.
GOKU: Like your car.
KING KAI: (telepathically) Hey, are we laughing at Yamcha, cause I'm always up for that.
"Everyone is up for that," Gajeel laughed.
GOKU: King Kai, is that you?
KING KAI: (telepathically) I just want to call you up and wish you a Merry Christmas.
GOKU: (telepathically to King Kai on his planet) Aw shucks, King Kai. You too.
KING KAI: Yeah, also thought I'd tell you about the evil space pirates who are killing your planet.
"Not the type of gift I'd want," Lucy said.
GOKU: Space in the what now?
KING KAI: You see, a group of space pirates have sought out your planet. And with it, are growing an evil, evil tree.
GOKU: How evil?
KING KAI: It's literally sucking the Christmas joy out of the entire planet.
GOKU: *gasp* That's Disney evil!
"Who?" Levy asked.
KING KAI: (telepathically) Well, that's all from here. I'm gonna go spike the eggnog and watch Gregory get smashed. Merry Christmas!
GOKU: Alright guys, group meeting. So, it turns out someone just planted a gigantic tree...
KRILLIN: Hurray! My tree!
GOKU: ...that is sucking the Christmas joy out of the entire world!
KRILLIN: I mean, oh, no! Who would be so dastardly?
"Goddammit Krillin," Everyone said.
GOKU: So, my plan is we get the DragonBalls and wish it away!
KRILLIN: Uuuummmm…
"That's gonna be pretty difficult," Juvia said.
GOKU: I'm kiddin'. We're gonna go blow it up!
(cut to Goku, Krillin, Yamcha, Tenshinhan, and Chiaotzu blasting the tree, which has no effect)
GOKU: Didn't work.
"Try harder," Natsu advised.
TIEN: Damn. If we don't act soon, Christmas is going to be ruined forever.
KRILLIN: Wait a minute. Tien, Chiaotzu, what are you two doing here? Aren't you Jewish?
TIEN: (now wearing a yarmulke as Jewish music plays) Hey, I'm just trying to be culturally sensitive...you Buddhist ass!
KRILLIN: Well, happy holidays to you too.
"Hmmmmm….Different cultures I guess," Levy mumbled as she wrote down in her notepad.
GOKU: I think the only course of action left...is to reason with it.
Lucy clamped her hand on Natsu's mouth before he could speak.
YAMCHA: Uh, Goku?
GOKU: Big tree! If you don't leave right now, I'm gonna have to beat you up!
"Goku's kind heart extends to even nature," Erza smiled brightly.
"I'm pretty sure he'd eat an entire species out of existence," Gray mumbled
YAMCHA: Goku, trees can't tal-
SLAY: (off-screen) Why don't you come up here and try it?
YAMCHA: Know what? F**k it, I don't care anymore.
(everyone flies up on the tree and confronts the villains responsible, who are chuckling evilly)
KRILLIN: Who the hell are these guys?
SLAY: We are from the planet of Misfit Minions.
REESE: Where all banished servants of Santa Claus are sent.
BERU: We were all lost, hope forsaken.
JINGA: But now Turles has given us a new chance at life.
JINGA & BERU: And at revenge!
"These rhymes are gonna give me a headache," Lucy rubbed her head.
KRILLIN: But why were you banished in the first place?
SLAY: Some of us did things...terrible things.
REESE: Things that some of us regret, and some of us don't.
"I have a bad feeling about this," Carla said wearily.
SLAY: Take me for example. I was but a humble mall Santa trying to bring children joy.
TIEN: So what happened?
SLAY: Well, a young child asked me for a fire truck.
GOKU/Lisanna: Awww!
SLAY: So I dropped one on his house.
GOKU/Lisanna: Awww.
JINGA: Then there was my brother and I.
BERU: We were once elves working at Santa's workshop.
JINGA: Until a robot we made to aid production went out on a murderous rampage.
S.N.O.W.: Fa la la la la, la la, la DIE.
"I don't ever want to fight that," Lucy trembled.
KRILLIN: Yikes. (to Reese) Wait a minute, that doesn't cover you. What'd you do?
REESE: Something so evil, I am forever on Santa's naughty list.
"I'm sure it's not that bad," Gray reassured.
"Compared to the other nutjobs, what's the worst he could do?" Natsu asked skeptically.
YAMCHA: Geez, compared to these guys, what could you have possibly-
REESE: I raped Rudolph. (sounds of Reese laughing along with a reindeer's pained cries are heard)
The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Until the loud sounds of Wendy crying rang throughout the guild. Carla rushed to console the young Dragon Slayer.
TIEN: Dibs on not fighting that guy.
GOKU: We have to save Christmas, guys! Let's go!
(everyone except Goku charges at the Misfit Minions with Jinga and Beru knocking Tien and Chiaotzu out of the air)
JINGA: Jinga!
BERU: Beru!
JINGA & BERU: The great Jinga Beru Brothers!
TIEN: You mean Jingle Bell, right?
"Don't try to make sense of these guys," Mira said.
JINGA: No, Jinga...
BERU: ...and Beru!
TIEN: (slightly annoyed) Noooo... Jingle... Bell.
JINGA: Jinga!
BERU: Beru!
TIEN: (pissed) F**KING WEEABOOS! (uses Solar Flare to blind Jinga and Beru)
(cut to Krillin and Slay)
SLAY: You know, you look like one of the kids I let sit on my lap once. 'Course, he was the cancer patient; asked me if I could get rid of his cancer.
"I feel like I know where this is going," Levy shook her head.
KRILLIN: Oh god, this is going exactly where I think this is, isn't it?
SLAY: So I blew him up! No more cancer!
"That's not a solution," Erza said, angrily.
KRILLIN: God, you are one of the worst mall Santas ever! Right behind those ones that molest kids.
"So, he's the worst mall Santa?" Elfman responded.
SLAY: ...So I'm the worst mall Santa.
KRILLIN: Oh, come on!
(cut to Yamcha using his Spirit Ball technique)
"Let's see how he screws this up," Gray said.
S.N.O.W.: Singing "Yamcha the Scar-Faced Bandit" (said song starts playing)
YAMCHA: Go to hell! (throws Spirit Ball at S.N.O.W., which misses) Oh. Come. On. Come. On. Damn. You. (now having trouble redirecting the Spirit Ball)
"That's just pathetic," Gajeel said.
"LAME!" Natsu and Happy shouted.
S.N.O.W.: Do you require assistance?
YAMCHA: Shut. Up. You. Cowardly. God. (Spirit Ball finally hits) YES! Take that, motherfu- (S.N.O.W. charges at him and rams him to the ground)
"And it did jack all," Gajeel clapped his hands sarcastically.
And if you saw this guy fight
You would even say he blows
S.N.O.W.: Agreed.
(cut to Chiaotzu flying away from Jinga)
JINGA: I'll make you pay, like the rest of them! (fires a blast at Chiaotzu)
CHIAOTZU: Aaaah! I told you, I'm not an elf, I'm just really short!
"Chiaotzu honestly looks like a doll," Lucy was reminded of a doll she had as a kid.
JINGA: Shut up, Claus lover! (fires a barrage of blast)
CHIAOTZU: I don't even celebrate Christmas- Oh, my God! (gets hit)
(shows Gohan charging at Jinga)
JINGA: What the fuuuuuuuuu... (gets headbutted by Gohan)
GOHAN: Did I just smash the Krampus? Oh well, where are the others? If I don't find them soon, it's gonna be too late to go caroling! (bumps into Turles) Hey Dad, what's with the getup? It's not Halloween, it's Christmas!
"Gohan...how would your dad have the time to put on a costume?" Erza questioned.
"Erza, he's five," Mira explained to her.
"He's intelligent for his age," The scarlet knight argued back.
"He's still a child," Mira stressed out.
TURLES: Christmas? I HATE Christmas!
"Monster," Happy whispered.
GOHAN: You're not my dad! (Turles grabs him by the scarf)
TURLES: I hate gingerbread houses. I hate presents and toys. I hate reindeer and all of the good girls and boys. I hate the Whos down in Whoville and all of their songs. I hate their whumpets and blumpets and goobag-for-brawns. I hate carols and sleigh rides and falalalalas. But above all things else...I hate Santa Claus!
"BEAT HIS ASS GOHAN!" Natsu roared.
GOHAN: Don't talk sh*t about Santa! (Turles blocks his punch)
TURLES: You're Saiyan, aren't you? How lucky you were...to never suffer my injustice! (starts crushing Gohan's fist, causing him to scream) However, after my tree is done with this planet, you'll be left with no ale to speak of! (chuckles until his scouter beeps) What? Who's there? (Piccolo arrives)
"Yeah Piccolo!" Natsu cheered.
PICCOLO: Bitch, you look like Goku.
TURLES: And you look like a Yoshi.
PICCOLO: I get that. Now hand over the kid.
TURLES: Oh, you want this kid?
PICCOLO: I want him.
TURLES: You want this kid?
PICCOLO: I want him.
TURLES: You want this kid?
"Just give him the kid!" Gajeel yelled.
PICCOLO: I want him!
TURLES: You want, you want?
PICCOLO: I WANT THAT KID! (charges at Turles, who tosses Gohan at him)
GOHAN: Hi, Mr. Piccolo!
PICCOLO: Merry Christmas. (gets blasted by Turles)
"Heh," Mira smiled.
TURLES: Yeah, you're gonna stay right there. Now how 'bout I show you a little trick I learned? If I put pressure down on this part of your back... (puts more force on Gohan's back, causing him to sprout his tail) ...your tail grows back!
"So, that's how it works," Levy scribbled down.
GOHAN: And...?
TURLES: Look! (throws a fake moon in the sky and kicks Gohan before grabbing him by the eyes, forcing him to look at the fake moon) It's the Star of Bethlehem. You know what it means?
"Oh, that's not good," Gray said nervously.
GOHAN: Jesus is born?
TURLES: Yeah, only instead of Jesus...it's a giant monkey.
GOHAN: I don't see the para- (transforms into an Oozaru)
GOKU: Gohan! (dodges an attack by Oozaru Gohan) Aw man... If Chi-Chi finds out about this, I might not get the mouth present.
Cue more blushing from the girls.
TURLES: Now, what will you do? Son against father; father against son! In a battle to the death! (Goku cuts off Oozaru Gohan's tail, returning him back to normal and catches him) ...Well played.
"I guess there wasn't much to worry about at all," Gray said, surprised.
Chapter End