Chapter 17: Christmas Tree of Might(Part 2)

(cut to Goku inside a cave holding Gohan)

GOKU: It's okay, Gohan. You're safe. Now go to sleep, and in the morning, Santa will have brought all of your presents. And by presents, I mean books.

GOHAN: D-dang it. (passes out)

"Gohan still can't catch a break," Gray pitied.

TURLES: Savor this moment, Kakarrot. It will be the last one you ever have with your son!

GOKU: Guh! He knows my Saiyan name... So you... must be Vegeta!

"You couldn't be more off," Lucy said.

TURLES: Wait, you think I'm-

GOKU: Silly Vegeta, it's not Halloween; it's Christmas! Take that costume off!

"It must hurt everyone else for him to be this dumb," Carla sighed.

TURLES: I'm not Vegeta. I'm just another Saiyan who escaped the destruction of our planet.

GOKU: Ohhhhh. (thinking) Man, that means he's like...an evil me! Only he doesn't have a goatee. I'm gonna imagine one! (a goatee appears on Turles' face) So evil!

"It's like imagining Gajeel with a goatee," Natsu shivered.

"HOW!?" The Iron Dragon Slayer yelled.

(Turles groans in annoyance and then cuts to him and Goku now outside on the Christmas Tree of Might)

GOKU: Now it's just down to you and me.

"Wait, something's off," Levy noticed.

TURLES: Yes, me and you. Oh, and my five Misfit Minions.

GOKU: But...what about my friends?

SLAY: We all had eggnog and Christmas fudge.

GOKU: Really?

REESE: Nope! Wasted them like figgy pudding.

"That's what I thought," Levy finished.

"All useless," Gray said, disappointed.

GOKU: YOU NEVER WASTE FIGGY PUDDING! (attacks the Misfit Minion, knocking all of them out)

"THAT WAS FOR RUDOLPH YOU MONSTER!" Wendy roared.

S.N.O.W.: (as he gets hit) DROID.

GOKU: ...Did I just smash the Krampus?

TURLES: This has gone on long enough! You don't even understand why I'm here, do you?

"To kill everyone?" Levy asked, expecting the answer.

GOKU: All I heard was, "Look at me! I hate Christmas, because I'm a big jerk!"

TURLES: And who wouldn't be a big jerk after the injustices I suffered? On planet Vegeta, we heard about all the other planets that Santa would visit. We heard of the joy he brought children! Of the presents! Of the merriment! THAT I WAS DENIED! Planet Vegeta never got Christmas. No, all we got was Freeza Day!

"That has to suck," Natsu felt bad.

GOKU: Well, what'd you get for Freeza Day?

TURLES: He blew our planet up!

"That's not a present I would want," Lisanna shivered.

GOKU: Well, that's sad... But I still can't let you steal the joy from Earth!

(a ding sound is heard from inside Tree of Might)

"Huh?"

TURLES: Hold that thought; Tree's done. (takes a fruit from the Tree of Might)

GOKU: ...What?

TURLES: See, this fruit holds all the joy from Earth. When I eat it, I will gain Earth's joy!

"So, it's an oven," Levy summarized.

GOKU: Why are you so evil?!

TURLES: Deal with it.

NARRATOR: Turles ate of the fruit, and so they say, his power level grew three sizes that day.

(Turles takes a bite from the fruit and bulks up, crushing what's left of the fruit)

"Eat your fruits kids," Mira chimed.

GOKU: (thinking) That's not good...! (gets pummeled by Turles, which ends with Turles stomping on his head)

"That was quick," Lucy said, surprised.

"Must've been some good Christmas fruit," Gajeel said.

TURLES: Now, denounce your faith!

GOKU: N-no!

TURLES: Denounce your faith in Santa Claus!

"NEVER!" Wendy and Happy shouted.

GOKU: Never!

TURLES: Well then... Bah Humbug. (fires multiple blasts at Goku, who screams in pain)

The mages wince at the scene.

TURLES: Well, now that that's over, time to plan a bitchin' New Year's party! (starts flying away)

GOKU: (thinking) N-no... Christmas can't be ruined...! Must...summon up...energy!

?: Goku, it is I, the anointed saint. The spreader of love and peace.

"Wait…" Wendy jumps out of her seat.

"T-that voice…."Happy starts to bounce.

"IT'S SANTA!" Both shout in joy.

GOKU: Oh, wow, it's…

SANTA: Yes, it is I, Santa. (Goku gets up and gasps) You must defeat him, Goku; you are the one who can.

"Main character status," Levy nods.

GOKU: (thinking) But he's got all of Earth's joy. He's too powerful.

SANTA: No, Goku. The joy is within your heart.

GOKU: *gasps* You're right! (raises both hands in the sky)

SANTA: Now kick his ass to the North Pole and back!

"Didn't know Santa curses," Elfman said, confused.

"He shouldn't," Lisanna responds.

GOKU: Yes, Santa!

TURLES: (while calculating Goku's power level with his scouter) What the hell? What is this sudden burst of joy?

"A spirit bomb filled with the Christmas spirit!" Erza replies.

"A Joyous Christmas bomb!" Natsu shouted.

"Something about that doesn't sound right," Lucy whispered.

GOKU: This is Christmas, melon farmer! (hurls the Spirit Bomb at Turles, who gets engulfed in the blast)

TURLES: (thinking) No...so...much...joy! (yells as he dies along with the tree getting destroyed, which showers the Earth with yellow snow)

MAN: Look! It's snowing!

WOMAN: But...it's yellow.

"It's pee snow," Natsu smiles. Lucy bops him in the back of the head.

"Stop being disgusting," Lucy reprimands.

("Let it Snow" starts playing as the animals in the forest start to get back up on their feet)

GOKU: (thinking) It's too bad that Turles was such a Scrooge. We would have happily shared our Christmas with him.

SANTA: You know... The sad part is, I always tried to visit Planet Vegeta. Problem was, they kept trying to shoot down my sleigh.

"Since it's named after Vegeta, I'm not surprised," Gray said.

GOKU: (thinking) Bummer.

SANTA: Now, I'm off to deliver my presents. But thank you...for saving Christmas!

GOKU: Anytime, Santa! Bye!

SANTA: Ho, ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Hoooo, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, hooo!

GOKU: (thinking) Wait a second... If that guy wasn't Vegeta, where is Vegeta?

"Yeah, where is Vegeta?" Natus asked.

(cut to Vegeta on Planet Namek)

VEGETA: This is so non-canon it hurts.

"Already had that figured out," Levy said.

GHOST NAPPA: Vegeta... Tonight you will be haunted by three ghoooosts! (appears) And they're all me. (two more Ghost Nappas appear)

"I wouldn't be able to handle that," Lucy shuddered.

GHOST NAPPAS: Hi.

VEGETA: Goddammit, I hate Christmas.

(ending credits roll with what the characters got for Christmas)

"Sucks to be Gohan," Natsu said.

"But, good to be Goku," Gajeel finished.

Chapter End