DojoYoyo: Um, yeah I kinda forgot the timeline for a bit and posted the first chapter before realizing that Satine was dead at that point. O_0 But I'm twisting it around so it has validity. As for that other stuff, you'll have to wait and see. :)
Anyway, enjoy this lovely trash!
Earlier that day…
Ahsoka rolled over on the squeaky mattress, wincing as her shoulder brushed against the blanket. It was still tender even after Kix had applied bacta, maybe she could sneak in a visit with him after she saw Fives. As she dressed, she cast a gaze around the apartment. It was the cheapest one that she could find and it was only about five minutes away from the Temple. She still couldn't afford even a one night stay here. Maybe she could smooth-talk her way past the receptionist, but she'd never been as good as Obi-Wan.
A dull pain filled her chest as she thought of Obi-Wan before she shoved it away. She'd left that part of her life behind, no matter what they thought. She wasn't trying to be a Jedi again, they'd made that choice for her. When she was ready, she moved to leave the cramped apartment. But her hand froze on the doorknob, her anxiety returning. Anakin would have been told everything by now, which means he'd be there when she saw Fives.
Calm down, calm down. She hissed to herself, involuntarily clenching the doorknob harder. It's just Anakin, the same Jedi you've known for nearly three years. Just get in, see Fives, and get out. Quick and easy, then you're done. She practically threw open the door and raced down the stairs before she lost her nerve. Pausing at the base of the stairs to catch her breath, she spotted the female Tholothian receptionist. Her throat tightened somewhat as she moved towards the desk. Here goes nothing.
"Excuse me ma'am?" The Tholothian looked up with a pleasant smile when Ahsoka addressed her. "I'm Ahsoka Tano, I'm staying in room 312?" The Tholothian—whose name tag read 'Evallia'—held up a finger as she looked through the database before nodding as she found Ahsoka's name. "Well, you see I uh...I don't have the money for the room yet." Ahsoka could feel her lekku darkening with embarrassment as she grew flustered. "But if you let me come back later I—I can—"
"No worries, miss!" Evallia waved her hand and stopped Ahsoka mid-ramble. "That nice young man explained everything to me over the phone." Ahsoka paused and raised her eyebrow markings in surprise.
"Explained what?" She asked, rubbing her thumb across her forefinger.
"You're room's been paid for. He actually covered a few weeks worth of a stay. I think he was a Jedi, said his name was Anakin Skywalker." Ahsoka's heart dropped to the pit of her stomach and Evallia's voice faded into background noise. No, no no no no no. Anakin couldn't— he shouldn't have—! Oh Force what was she going to do now? He still wanted to reach out to her, couldn't he see she'd just end up hurting him again?!
Mumbling a hoarse 'thank you' to Evallia, Ahsoka ran out of the lobby. She ran into the streets and used the Force to run faster than normal. Fast enough to dry the tears that had formed in her eyes. This couldn't be happening, this couldn't be happening, this was never supposed to happen! She was supposed to have moved on, Anakin was supposed to forget about her! She stumbled to a stop, nearly tripping over a stray tooka. Why would she think that? Anakin would never forget about her, she'd always be a reminder of his pain. She'd always hurt him, and he'd let her because he was too caring. He would always believe in her, and time and time again she would let him down. Why oh why couldn't he just forget her?
Her energy spent, Ahsoka moved as though she was walking through tar the rest of the way to the Temple. As she neared the entrance, she pondered the fact that two clones and herself had been allowed in the Temple. A rare occasion as only Jedi were usually allowed in, it spoke volumes of how desperate for answers the Council was. Even if they themselves wouldn't admit it. The sight of Temple Guards at the entrance put her slightly on edge, but they simply let her walk right inside. They'd probably been told to let her in and she quickly found her way down into the underground of the Jedi Temple.
Anakin was already there, leaning against a wall with his arms crossed. He hadn't noticed her yet, he was too busy listening to whatever Fives was saying. There were no Temple Guards which came as a surprise, a small cell with a ray shield covering the entrance was Fives' domain. Ahsoka nearly sagged with relief when she saw Fives, he seemed better. His eyes were brighter and less clouded than before, it looked as though whatever drug had been in his system had been worked off. Her pace slowed as she neared the cell, a frown creasing her face. Fives still looked agitated, despite everything that had happened. Ahsoka felt a surge of worry, had the Council decided Fives was mad? Were they refusing to listen to him? The thoughts caused her to increase her pace and she caught the last snippets of what Fives was saying as she neared the cell.
"...believe me, he's in on it!" Anakin's brow raised slightly, his face unreadable.
"Fives, what you're saying sounds absurd. The Chancellor isn't some madman who wants the Jedi dead. He's the leader of the Galactic Republic." Ahsoka was closer now, and Fives had seen her.
"Commander!" Anakin turned on his heel as Fives called out, Ahsoka watched his eyes grow wide before he dropped his gaze to the ground. She nearly flinched, why did Anakin's gesture hurt her? This was what she'd wanted for kriff's sake!
"Hey Fives," her voice cracked slightly but she managed to cover it with a cough. "How're you doing?"
"Just fine sir," there was an undercurrent of pain in his jovial tone. "The Council's actually gonna keep a look out for Sidious!"
"Sidious?" Ahsoka raised one of her eyebrow markings. "Who's Sidious?"
"A Sith Lord who created the Clone Wars." Anakin's blunt answer caught her off-guard and sent her reeling. Created the Clone Wars? How? Why?
"How is this possible?" Ahsoka asked, directing her question at Anakin.
"I don't know," he admitted, crossing his arms. "The Council is trying to figure out who he is and what he wants."
"He wants to kill the Jedi!" Fives shouted, his frustration beginning to show. "You have to stop him before it's too late."
"How do we know who it is?" Ahsoka asked, trying to soothe Fives' shot nerves.
"Ask the Chancellor! He knows who it is, I swear it." Fives looked at Anakin, whose gaze seemed glued to the floor. He turned to Ahsoka and she ignored the pang in her chest at his desperation. He was trusting her, why did he trust her? "Please Commander, just tell them. They'll believe you."
Stop! She wanted to scream. She wanted to shake Fives, knock some sense in him. Stop calling me Commander, stop giving me respect! I have no standing, I left the Order. Why would they believe me? Why do you listen to me, why do you trust me?!
"Fives," she said aloud, "you're saying that the Chancellor himself told you that he was in on the plan. You know he's high up in the plan, but you don't know how deep his connections go."
"Yes, that's precisely what I'm saying." Fives turned to Anakin, and Ahsoka felt a twinge of unease. Even with their closed bond, she could sense something was off with Anakin. His emotions were...turbulent, pulsing and writhing like living things.
"There's too much we don't know." He sounded so tired, so drained, that Ahsoka nearly moved to touch him.
"Sir, you can't just go along and pretend everything is fine and dandy." Fives was getting angry now and Ahsoka's gaze shot between the two men. One of them was going to snap. "There's evidence piled against him, stop acting like you don't see what he's doing to you! He's manipulating you!"
A dark rumble filled the room and Anakin's anger erupted. The lights seemed to grow dimmer as a whipping, dark power shrieked through the room. Ahsoka stumbled back a few steps, terror beginning to flood her system. Fives backed up against the nearby wall, his face white with fear. A hot fury seemed to fill Anakin as he raised his voice.
"You dare," his snarling voice echoed slightly, "challenge my judgement?!" Fives cowered and Ahsoka covered her head with her hands, shaking violently. Her lekku were picking up the most sensitive vibrations surrounding Anakin as his hurt and anger filled the room. But underneath it all was the sickening, crushing feeling of guilt. Just as suddenly as it appeared, it was gone. As if it was being sucked back inside Anakin, the lights returned to their usual brightness and Anakin sagged as though he'd run a marathon. Fives slowly peeled himself away from the wall; Ahsoka tentatively moved closer, her hand outstretched.
"Are you okay?" Her voice trembled and Anakin looked up, his brow furrowing slightly. She expected him to shout or throw something, to lash out. Instead he got up and walked away, his head hanging lower. It would have been easier if he'd stayed angry, she couldn't stand to see him so—so broken. She watched him leave, torn between racing after him or staying with Fives. Fortunately, the decision was made for her.
"Why'd he get so mad?" Fives' voice wavered slightly, but he looked less shocked. "There's only so much I can say before I begin to repeat myself over and over. I know what I heard, I know what's going on."
"I know you do Fives," Ahsoka sighed, crossing her arms. "Unfortunately others don't see it that way. I guess they don't want their perfect lives to be disrupted anymore than they already are." Fives snorted, rolling his eyes.
"Things don't get better by just ignoring them, you know that better than anyone." She nodded, taking a position similar to Anakin's against the wall. "Sir, if you don't mind me saying, are you gonna come back to the 501st?" Ahsoka sighed, steeling herself for another explanation of how she wasn't a Jedi before Fives continued in a rush. "I mean, not as a Jedi. But as our Commander, we miss you. We miss having you with us." Ahsoka blinked, that was definitely not what she'd been expecting.
"Fives, I'm just here to make sure something bad doesn't happen to you. After that...I guess I'm back to being on my own." Fives paused and she braced herself for his hurt, for his feeling of betrayal. Instead, he started laughing. Her eyes widened in surprise even as she felt a smile twitching at the corners of her mouth. "What's so funny?" She asked, struggling to stay serious.
"S-sorry sir, it's just that—" Fives broke out laughing again and took even longer to calm down. When he'd somewhat regained his composure, he straightened up and looked her in the eye. "With all due respect Commander, I've known you for a while. You won't return to 'normal life,'" he made finger quotes in the air, "when something this big and terrible could be happening. If there's one thing I've learned about you, it's that you don't back down from a fight." Ahsoka winced, oh if only he knew how wrong he was.
"Have you been reading my diary?" She joked and Fives laughed again. "Seriously, how do you know that much? I don't think even Rex knows me that well."
"Ah, that's where you're wrong Commander." Ahsoka raised one of her eyebrow markings in surprise and Fives smiled softly. "You led us for almost three years, we know you better than you think. You're like a sister to us vod'ika." Ahsoka felt a lump of guilt hardening in her throat and she cast her eyes to the floor. She hadn't even thought about saying goodbye when she left, she hadn't thought how the clones would take it. Seemed she just messed everyone and everything up by leaving. With those thoughts in mind, she lifted her gaze to Fives' eyes.
"I hope everything goes well for you Fives." She whispered, smiling half-heartedly. As she turned to walk away, he called out.
"Wait!" Ahsoka turned around to see Fives with his hands pressed against the ray shield. "Just...at least think about it, please?" Nodding mutely, she swiveled around and continued walking. As she exited the underground cells, her hands brushed the empty spots by her hips. Where two lightsabers used to hang, two lightsabers that had been given back to her. Right before she shoved them and Anakin away. Guilt and regret clawed at her throat but she tried to shove it down.
Just keep walking, she coached herself, the exit is right up there. You can walk away from all of this. Her footsteps stalled as she froze before the doors to the Jedi Temple. She could walk right out of here, leave forever. All she had to do was take a few more steps. Keep walking forward, she didn't even move an inch. It's not your fight anymore, she slowly felt herself backing away from the door. Ignore it, they don't deserve anything. You don't have to give them anything. She backed all the way up against the opposite wall and put her hands up against her face. Why was it so kriffing hard to walk away?
"You won't return to 'normal life' when something this big and terrible could be happening. If there's one thing I've learned about you, it's that you don't back down from a fight." Fives's words echoed in her head and her hands slowly lowered from her face. A sense of clarity she hadn't felt in a long time filled her then, she knew what she wanted to do.
"Fives you chakaar," she grinned and shook her head before turning around and sprinting where she'd last seen Anakin. She ignored the looks she got from Jedi Masters and padawans alike, tracing Anakin's faint Force signature. Despite her having blocked their bond, she was still able to sense him. He was on the other side of the Temple, near the gardens. She took an instinctive turn left at the next hallway, she knew where he was. He'd gone there so many times after a mission gone wrong or if he just had a bad day. Skidding to a halt before she crashed through the doors, Ahsoka smoothed out her jumpsuit before walking out on the balcony that overlooked the garden. Anakin was leaning over the railing, his back facing her. "Anakin," he turned around in surprise as she called to him.
"Oh, Ahsoka uh…" he gestured to a spot beside him and she walked up, leaning her back against the railing. "What brings you out here?"
"I wanted to make sure you were okay." She said softly, looking up at him. "What happened back there was...intense."
"Yeah," he rasped, avoiding looking her in the eye. "I...I don't know what happened. I just...I don't know." He rubbed at his face with his hands, and she contemplated just leaving him. He had enough on his mind, she didn't need to add to it.
"Anakin," her throat closed off and she blinked rapidly to dispel the tears she felt coming. He lowered his hands to look at her, curiosity burning in his eyes. "About what happened before, I'm—" her voice broke as she struggled to maintain eye contact. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. The words bounced around in her head, mocking her with their simplicity. Just say it just say it just say it! "I'm...I'm contemplating rejoining the 501st, as a soldier or an advisor." She squeezed her eyes shut as guilt and hot shame flooded her senses. Stupid, stupid stupid. Stupid scared girl, stupid weak girl.
"O-oh!" Anakin's eyes widened as she peeked through mostly closed lids. "Yeah, uh, that would be great!" His face broke into a grin that she could tell was slightly forced. "What prompted you to do that?"
"Something Fives said, he told me that I don't back down from a fight and...I want to try again. I want to keep making a difference." A mixture of hurt and pride flashed across Anakin's face and, before she had time to figure out what they meant, Anakin spoke.
"I see," his voice was quiet as he looked down at his hands. Ahsoka frowned, his emotions were all over the place. Oh Force what had she done now? "If that's your wish, you're more than welcome to stay at the barracks with the boys. Or back at your hotel," he continued hastily, "if you'd rather do that."
"I might drop by the barracks tonight as I go back to the hotel," Ahsoka admitted, still unsure of how all the clones would react after her fiasco the day before and not wanting to let Anakin's money for her room go to waste. "But I'll be ready to move out if you give the order General Skywalker."
She said the last part teasingly, but it only garnered a sad laugh from Anakin as he turned to face the gardens once again. "When you stop by the barracks, have Rex give you a comlink. You'll receive directions or missions through that."
"Thanks," Ahsoka said softly, turning around to leave. She stopped when she was back inside the Temple and ducked behind one of the walls. Carefully, ever so carefully, she opened a small chink in their bond. All at once a whirlwind of guilt, pain, and confusion smashed into her conscience at full force. She gasped in surprise and stumbled backward before slamming the wall back down, panting slightly. Anakin, oh gods Anakin...all of that pain. She was trembling, her hands shaking as she peered back out to the balcony. His posture gave nothing away, the sickening amount of emotions didn't once penetrate his smooth features. Force, she'd made everything worse hadn't she? She couldn't get close to him, she'd just add to his pain. But she couldn't help feeling pangs of regret as she walked towards the barracks.
It's for the best, it's for his own good. She told herself over and over as she walked into the barracks. The doors whoosed open and she was greeted with a scene so familiar that it made her smile. Rex was trying to organize the men so they could seem proper even if they weren't on a mission at the moment. Jesse was throwing crumpled up pieces of paper into a waste bin from different angles, trying to make every shot. The shinies were in the corner, obviously a little horrified and unprepared for their battalion's erratic behavior. Rex was threatening a hyper Vaughn to bring Kix in with a sedative as he spotted Ahsoka. His hands dropped and a smile broke out on his face as he snapped to attention.
"Commander on deck!" He announced, voice ringing through the barracks. Clones, whether they were shinies or veterans, snapped to attention as well. Some of the newer recruits looked a tad confused to see the Togruta before them, but the older ones immediately broke formation to run up to her.
"Ahsoka!" Vaughn grinned widely as he stopped right in front of her, trying to mind her personal space. Jesse and Rex didn't get the memo, both of them crushing her in hugs that made her squeeze them back tighter even though her shoulder stung.
"You're back!" Jesse laughed as he released her from his hug. "I mean, you are back...right?" She looked over at Rex who raised an eyebrow, a silent question. She smiled and wrapped her arms around Rex and Jesse; this was home.
"Yes, I'm back."
A somewhat happy ending! Woo-hoo! As always, thanks to the people who look at this and enjoy it. Just a heads up, chapters are going to fluctuate in length. So some might be longer than others. I might even be able to crank out another chapter over Thanksgiving break! Feel free to review, follow, or favorite if you liked it!