Chapter 22: Dr. Briefs Made This Episode In A Cave... WITHABOXOFSCRAPS!

(scene shows Kami's spaceship arriving on Planet Namek)

NARRATOR: So, after seven hundred and thirty-one grueling galactic weeks of travel—or one month if you never watched "Men in Black"—our *ahem* "heroes" have finally arrived on Planet Namek. Where the sky is green, the grass is blue, and it's boring as s**t.

"It really does look empty as hell," Bickslow complained.

"The planet looks gorgeous," Lisanna countered.

"Doesn't change that nothing is happening," He argued back.

"And I'm sure that'll change in a second," Mira told them.

KRILLIN: Hey, Gohan, check it out. Blue grass. What do you think their favorite kind of music is? Huh? Huh?

GOHAN: R&B...?

KRILLIN: Huh. You're really sheltered, aren't you?

"And that's not a bad thing," Mira argued.

GOHAN: I had to read an entire book about peach farming on the way here. You tell me.

KRILLIN: Well... hey! We're on Namek now! Bulma, got the Dragon Radar?

BULMA: Right here! We're already picking up four Dragon Balls!

KRILLIN: See? Now we just have to find them, wish our friends back, and head on home!

"I wish it was that easy," Juvia sighed.

"We all wish it could be that easy," Makarov agreed.

BULMA: Hey Krillin, is that a Saiyan ship?

(A space pod is seen flying above Krillin)

"Yes it is," Levy answered.

KRILLIN: (notices the space pod) Huh?

GOHAN: I think I sense Vegeta.

"You would be correct," Levy smiled.

KRILLIN: (sounding more frightened) Huh?

BULMA: Oh, and now those four Dragon Balls are on the move.

KRILLIN: AAAAAAAAAAAAA-

"And the plot finally kicks off!" Levy spoke over Krillin's screaming.

[OPENING SEQUENCE]

(scene shifts Vegeta's space pod landing on Namek, with Vegeta emerging from the crater and holding a scouter)

KRILLIN: (in background) -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

VEGETA: Ahhh... good to be back at a hundred percent again. (puts on his scouter) Augh, I just got here and this planet's already annoying me. (sees another space pod approaching Namek) Wait a minute, is that Cui's pod? (begins to walk forward) Well, I better go take care of this.

"The range of his lungs," Freed said, astounded.

"He could put Natsu to shame," Laxus added.

KRILLIN: -AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (gasps for breath)

GOHAN: Ya done, Krillin?

KRILLIN: Yeah... I'm good.

FRIEZA SOLDIER 1: Hey! What's that over there?

KRILLIN: AAAAAAAAAAAAA- (continues to scream in the background)

"And he started back up," Carla sighed.

FRIEZA SOLDIER 2: In the name of Frieza, we demand that you stop!

KRILLIN: -AAAAAAHHHHH! Wait, haven't I heard that name before?

"It's only been said a good handful of times," Levy responded.

FRIEZA SOLDIER 2: Alright, stay where you are and we'll shoot you.

"Wait isn't that the wrong thing to say?" Romeo said.

KRILLIN: Don't you mean "Or we'll shoot you?"

FRIEZA SOLDIER 2: We know what we said! (fires a shot at the spaceship, with Bulma jumping out of the way)

TOILET: Scheiße!

"NO THE TALKING TOILET!" Natsu cried.

(Bulma manages to avoid the explosion, but the spaceship is now immobilized as it has a visible hole, causing the front window to crack)

"And there went their only way home," Lucy said sadly.

"Seemed something went wrong Erza," Mira told

"They'll figure something out," Erza explained. Mira didn't look convinced.

KRILLIN: Huh. Well there goes our ship.

BULMA: (off-screen) What the f**king hell?!

FRIEZA SOLDIER 1: Damn, man, you couldn't hit the broad side of a space barn.

FRIEZA SOLDIER 2: Yeah, well, that's only because I'm too busy hitting the broad side of your mom! (gets punched by Gohan) Gah! My face!

"He had that coming," Gajeel said.

"Go Gohan!" The kids cheered.

(Krillin kicks the other soldier, making him collide with the soldier Gohan attacked and into a lake)

KRILLIN: Hah! Looks like they're all... washed up! (Gohan gives a blank stare) Yeaaaaaaaahhhhh... da da da da da, oh...

(Krillin Owned Count: 11)

"He just needs to not talk," Laxus shook his head.

BULMA: I can't believe this... We're stranded on an alien planet... It's like "Pitch Black" only our Vin Diesel is a total bitch...

KRILLIN: It might be best if we get ourselves out of the open. (notices a cave) Hey, look, a cave! (points towards the cave) See Bulma, isn't this nice? A nice dark, dank... cave?

(the cave is heard making a roaring noise)

"I want nowhere near that cave," Lucy crossed her arms.

BULMA: Who knows? Maybe here I'll finally meet a real man.

KRILLIN: What about Yamcha?

BULMA: A real man…

"Luckily he's dead and didn't hear that," Wakaba said.

GOHAN: Hey, uh, Krillin, do you feel that?

KRILLIN: What? The need to pee? Well they destroyed the toilet so I guess I'll just use a bush or... (sees something flying in their direction) OH, MY GOD, GET IN THE CAVE!

"Wait is it Vegeta?" Freed wondered.

"Can't be, because they would've just said it was him," Levy said.

"I got a bad feeling about this," Carla said.

(a large group of soldiers fly past Krillin and co., who are hiding in a nearby cave)

GOHAN: Krillin! They have the Dragon Balls!

"That's bad," Happy shivered.

KRILLIN: Yes, Gohan, I noticed.

GOHAN: Did you feel their power levels? They were as strong as Vegeta!

"That's also not good," Wendy said.

KRILLIN: Yes, Gohan, I noticed!

GOHAN: But that one guy at the front, he was like a hundred Vegetas…

That news made everyone uncomfortable.

"And that must've been Frieza," Makarov clutches his staff tightly.

"They're in the worst type of situation," Elfman summed up.

KRILLIN: YES, GOHAN, I NOTICED! On the bright side, I no longer have to pee anymore! Lemme go change in the cave…

"I don't blame him under these circumstances," Gray said.

(shows a time card that says "10 Minutes Later". Krillin is seen walking out of the cave and catching his breath)

BULMA: Geez, took you long enough.

KRILLIN: We're going after those Dragon Balls.

BULMA: Whoa, what?

"Not the best idea, but they really have no choice," Lily said.

KRILLIN: We may be outmatched... but we didn't come this far just to give up!

BULMA: What the heck happened in that cave?

"Character development," Macao nodded his head.

KRILLIN: Something I should have taken care of a month ago. (removes his hat)

GOHAN: ...I don't get it.

KRILLIN: Come on, Gohan! Bulma, stay here and call Roshi back on Earth. We may need backup. Stay close, Gohan!

(Krillin and Gohan dash away)

"Backup in the form of Son Goku," Erza's eyes shined brightly.

BULMA: Well, I guess I better set up camp then. (runs inside the cave) OH, GOD, IT'S EVERYWHERE!

"Ew," Evergreen said.

(scene shifts to Kame House with the music "I'm Too Sexy" playing on the radio. A phone rings and Master Roshi answers it.)

MASTER ROSHI: Kame house, where the beaches are fine and the bitches are finer! Could you speak up? I'm not wearing pants.

"I need to use something like that," Makarov stroked his chin.

"No," Erza, Mira, and Laxus respond together. The old man slumped down dejected.

(shifts to Wukong Hospital showing Master Roshi, standing next to a nearby nurse, reporting to Goku about the current situation on Namek)

MASTER ROSHI: And not only is Vegeta on the planet, but apparently someone else is there, even stronger than him! So in short, s**t be wack, yo!

GOKU: Fo' shizzle, Master Rizzle! I can't do anything until I'm fully healed though! If only there were a way…

"The situation really be wack Lusizzle," Natsu turned to Lucy.

"Stop talking like that," Lucy cut him off.

YAJIROBE: Hey there, I thought I'd just drop in with these magical Senzu Beans that heal all wounds and restore your stamina.

"That solved that problem," Levy said.

GOKU: ...If only there were a way-

MASTER ROSHI: Take the damn magical beans, Goku!

"No time for his stupidity," Carla huffed.

GOKU: Ooh! Sweet science-y magic!

("Spinach Theme" from "Popeye" plays as Goku eats a Senzu Bean, jumps out of the hospital bed and tears off his bandages)

GOKU: Naked time! (strips and puts on his fighting gi) All right! 'Kay guys, I'm going to Bulma's place! (Yajirobe gives Goku the remaining Senzu Beans) By the way, takin' the beans.

"Glad he's thinking ahead for once," Lucy smiled.

MASTER ROSHI: Krillin?

GOKU: Krillin.

"I'm not surprised," Gajeel said.

MASTER ROSHI: But... Why Bulma's?

GOKU: Well, I need a ship, and Bulma's dad's a scientist.

MASTER ROSHI: ...I'm not even gonna begin to go into what is wrong with that... and just wish you good luck!

"What's the worst that could go wrong?" Wendy spoke the cursed words. The Sky Dragon Slayer cowered behind Carla to hide from the glares she got for saying the cursed words.

GOKU: Niiiimbuuus! Later guys! (jumps out the window) Nimbus? Nimbu- Oh-God-oh-crap-oh-geezus-

(smashes into ground causing a car alarm to go on off-screen.)

GOKU: (in pain off-screen) I'm okay... (Nimbus can be heard showing up off-screen) Oh... There he is.

Erza sighed at Goku's antics.

MASTER ROSHI: *sigh*

(scene shifts to Planet Namek with Cui waiting for Vegeta's arrival)

CUI: (tracking Vegeta with his scouter) Hello there, Vegeta. Fancy meeting you here.

VEGETA: So you followed me? Sure took your sweet time.

CUI: Well, I could have gotten here sooner, but I stopped on my way to plow YOUR mother!

VEGETA: ...My mother's dead.

CUI: I know!

"Dick move," Gajeel said, unamused.

VEGETA: ...You know, I'm having trouble remembering, Cui. What's your power level?

CUI: Ha! You would forget! 18,000. Same as yours, Vegeta.

VEGETA: Funny that. See, I just read my Official Saiyan Handbook (holds up said book and starts reading a page) and it says right here "When a Saiyan is beaten to near death, their power level increases immensely."

Levy shoots up immediately. "THAT WILL EXPLAIN SO MUCH LATER I KNOW IT!" She screamed. Her and Freed wrote the info down quickly.

CUI: Well I don't see what that has to do with anything-

VEGETA: And while I was down on Earth, oh man, I got destroyed!

"Not an understatement," Gray said.

CUI: Ha ha ha! You... What?

VEGETA: Yep. All by a low level warrior, his half-breed son, a midget, and an obese man with a sword. I lost outright.

"Ya know...When you put it like that it really does sound ridiculous," Lisanna said.

CUI: Why are you telling me this? You never tell anyone this!

VEGETA: Easy. Because I know you'll never tell anybody, Cui.

CUI: (bewildered) But... But I hate you! Why would I- (gets blown up by Vegeta) WAAAAAH!

VEGETA: God, I love therapy.

"I would do the exact same," Gajeel said.

(scene shifts to Zarbon's scouter getting destroyed by detecting Vegeta's power level)

ZARBON: Oh my, I seem to have gone off prematurely.

"He's a walking talking innuendo isn't he?" Levy asked.

"Reminds me of Juvia for some reason," Gajeel laughed. Juvia only looked offended at the comparison.

DODORIA: Well, hell. Looks like Vegeta just took out Cui. Poor fish-faced bastard.

ZARBON: Wait, which one was Cui?

DODORIA: You remember. Purple guy hated Vegeta.

"You might need to be more specific," Mira said.

ZARBON: Gonna have to be a little more specific.

DODORIA: Reproduced asexually.

ZARBON: Oh, him. Ew! You know I wouldn't have minded so much if he wasn't all up in my face about it. I can only swallow so much.

FRIEZA: Will you two pay attention? (shows a group of Namekians) These innocent bumpkins won't slaughter themselves.

"That's Freezer?" Natsu asked.

"He doesn't look as threatening as they're making him be," Wendy said.

"Careful, looks can be very deceiving," Makarov told all of them.

ZARBON: Well you might be able to find a way to make them.

FRIEZA: Oooh! That'd be fun! Heeheeheeheeheeheehee!

NARRATOR: A new evil has revealed its face. Who are these mysterious enemies? (Gohan and Krillin are seen surveying the situation on top of a ridge) And do Gohan and Krillin stand a chance? The answer to these questions will be revealed... right now! Zarbon, Dodoria, Frieza, and (camera shows Krillin) ohhh my, no!

"This is gonna be bad," Mira muttered.

KRILLIN: Wait, what-

[ENDING SEQUENCE]

(scene shifts to King Kai's planet in Other World)

KING KAI: Alright, now that you have arrived on my planet we will begin your training. Tenshinhan, Chiaotzu, twenty laps around the planet. Piccolo…

"So this is where they've been," Levy noted.

PICCOLO: Go to hell, I'm meditating.

KING KAI: Keep doing that. Yamcha...

YAMCHA: What is it, King Kai? I'm ready for anything!

KING KAI: Wash my car.

YAMCHA: Oooh! Like in that movie! Wax on, wax off!

KING KAI: (walks into his house) Yeah, go wax off.

Everyone laughed at King Kai's dismissal.

Chapter End