As she walked along the grassy field her body felt heavy. The cobwebs wouldn't go away, no matter how many times she rubbed her temple. The alcohol coursing down her throat did little to calm her down. Her feet moved forward. She knew where she was going. The final stop on her journey and she was taking it alone.

How had it all come to this? What had she done to deserve this? No, she knew exactly what she had done. But she had forgiven them for so much and they couldn't for her.

Her family. Station 19. The one group of people she had always thought she could count on.

With Ryan gone. Shot by a kid too young to know the difference between right and wrong. Too young to know that the gun in his hand would kill. Damage. Damage everything and cost her the promotion that she deserved. Cost her Maya. O sweet Maya, did you really mean to leave me. A piece of her soul whisked away.

The blanket was soft cushioning them from the dirt that laid below them. "Did you see that cloud? It totally looks like a raccoon." She jabbed him in the arm. "Ow. Why'd you do that," he cried out. "You know I hate raccoons," she replied with a sly grin. "And for your information, it's a possum."

They both giggled at one another. Their faces moved closer and she could smell the fudge they had just eaten. Faint smears of it lingered in the crevices of his lips. Feeling his eyes on her she turned to look back at the sky, not sure what to say next.

"Will you go to the prom with me Andrea Herrera?" Her head snapped back with perplexion. "It's just that, you make me laugh. I couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather…" Before he can finish Andy places her lips on his, her strawberry lipstick mixing with his chocolate-stained ones.

With her dad gone. As she lay beneath the storage unit in her husband's arms. They stared into each other's eyes knowing this was the end for them. That with one more breath they would run out of their oxygen. They memorized every feature of the other to their brain. But as they took their next breath they felt oxygen rush through their veins. A smile couldn't help but spread across her face.

Once the black smoke that had obscured their exit cleared they ran, tumbling out as they held each other upright. Under the sweltering Seattle sun and clear sky, she saw his cap on the ladder. Knew that he had gone up onto the roof. That her happiness was his responsibility. And with the eyes of her whole team on her, she splintered. Another piece of her soul whisked away.

"Why do you always have to crap where you eat? You are my child. Everything you do reflects on my legacy!

With her mom gone again, back from the dead but for an instant. The woman who had come out from around the corner framing her aunt's kitchen. Who had reached out her arms and hugged her like she did before sending her off to school. Who baked with her and taught her every family recipe. Who she learned her first salsa moves from, their hips flowing in sync to the music.

The woman she wanted to share her love of the Spice Girls with. Who she wanted by her side at her senior dance recital. When she got her first period and stained her brand new sheets. At her graduation from the fire academy. At her wedding.

She was back now and all she could feel was anger. It seared her body. Shooting pain stabbed at every joint. The final piece of her soul whisked away.

"You don't deserve her Elena. We don't deserve this," he roared. Tears flowed from the woman's eyes. "You think I wanted this! This fucked up life." He moved to grab her and she recoiled, taking the vase and shattering it against the wall. "Fuck you, you bastard." Her mother's words terrified her. It was her. They hated each other because of her.

"Don't go"

Her family was gone. Real and constructed. Both had left, the dust trailing behind them onto her path.

Who was she angry at? The ones who had left her, died before her eyes. Or the ones who still lived but had left her anyway. Who ignored her calls. Her pleas of sorry. Who didn't think she was capable of change. Who were tired of her grief and obsessions. Who thought she was spiraling and didn't have the courage to give her a hand. That would mean acknowledging they had failed. And firefighters never fail.

Screw them. Screw them for the months of absence. They didn't care. Maya had her new wife, Vic and Dean were happily raising Pru on their houseboat, and even Travis - heartbroken from leaving Emmett - had a place on their couch to crash, vent, to be healed by them. Ben danced into the sunset with Bailey and their sons.

"This has to stop. You're driving everyone crazy. Why do you insist on finding some deep dark secret? Can't you ever leave well enough alone?"

"You weren't there. I needed you and you were nowhere. On that stupid, stupid case."

"Shepherd thought you were high. Are you?"

"Honestly not everything is about you, Andy. Sometimes we don't need to hear about your guilt."

And Robert. Her husband. The man of her dreams. Her safest place. Had closed the door on her face. Had told her that she threatened his sobriety. That he couldn't trust her. That what he had once thought was irreparable had been broken and he was too tired to try and fix it.

"You're being transferred to Station 23. Effective immediately. Test me again and you'll be out the door. Daddy's legacy be damned."

In the confines of her new station, she was nothing more than a stranger. Someone they made small talk with, but never included in any meaningful conversation. They eyed her with wariness. Knowing what she had done to land in their clutches. The best station in town to one of the worst.

She knew what she had to do. What had been staring her in the face for so long. That she had been too scared to do. Coward.

The shard from her last bottle of tequila was all she needed. Simple lines. Straight across the forearm. Quick and easy. No mess for anyone to clean up.

"You're gonna have to run faster than that, if you want to beat the tickle monster." As she grabbed her daughter, auburn hair wisping through the air, she smiled. Andy chuckled back, trying to squirm away but failing miserably. "You're no fair mama."

The stone felt smooth against her fingers. It turned a dark brown color, the red blending into the grey. As her hands trailed over the engraving it stopped at the 'a'. At the end. She missed him so much.

Distant voices grew louder. Someone was coming. NOT NOW!

"Oh my God, call an ambulance!"

"Andrea, mija, you're okay. You're okay." His voice quieted and the verse tumbled from his lips.
"Casas brillantes. Corazones brillantes"

"They're ten minutes out Theo. I don't-"

"I'll always come back for you Andy. You're my best friend." His smile filled her heart with warmth. It spread across her body, encircling her in a tight embrace. She felt hot. So much heat.

"Somebody get Sullivan on the line now." Another shout ricocheted around the rig. "Dammit."

The flames were spreading. The cream-colored door sprung open. As the blankets sprayed to the ground, she felt her mother embrace her. "Breathe through this," and the cloth was placed over her mouth.

"BP is dropping. She's asystolic. Breathing is irregular. Get the crash cart."

A beam broke, crashing through the bed. A piece of her died with it. They ran through the hall, her mother dodging falling debris with the skill of a ninja and the grace of a dancer.

"I swear if you don't pick up Sullivan I will kill you with my bare hands."

Why was it so hot? Her skin was on fire. It was flaking off, having formed a line of soot in their wake.

"You'll get through this. You're a phoenix and phoenix's always rise. Just please hold on, we're almost there."

And she let go. Her mother placed her on the ground. It didn't matter that the wind was blowing across her naked unprotected body. The warmth lingered. Why couldn't she feel her mother's embrace anymore?

"She's coming back," a man clad in a yellow sheet stated. Another entered her field of vision. This time a woman with crystal black eyes and beautiful curls. "Andy, are you with us?"

Where was her mother? "It hurts to move," she choked out but nobody came. Couldn't they hear her? See her. "Help." To breathe. Why wasn't anyone coming?

The flames danced before her eyes. His house was burning. Uncle Raul's. She hoped it burned to the ground. Until not even her dad and his team could save it.

"Papi, no me dejes"

And as unconsciousness overtook her and the world faded to black she felt his hands on her. Not for the first time. But for the first time in a long time. He always smelled of hickory wood. He scratched at her skin, leaving his mark on her, seeping his fingers into the baby fat that filled in her cheeks.

"Mamá, mamá por favor."