Chapter 27: It's A Mad, Mad, Mad. Mad Saiyan
(cut to Zarbon's corpse falling into a lake, Vegeta killing him in cold blood)
KRILLIN: Wow. You really took care of that guy.
VEGETA: Yeah, didn't even know I could pull that off. But... you know us Saiyans, we get stronger every time we almost die.
KRILLIN: Well... that seems... incredibly unfair.
"For anyone that isn't a saiyan," Levy said.
"I really feel bad for humans in the show," Lily said.
KRILLIN: So, um... you seem like a busy man, so...
VEGETA: Oh yeah, killing people, and I'm about to become immortal.
"Feels like we've been escalating too quickly," Freed brought up.
"Considering we just watched someone get their back blown out, I'd agree," Bickslow added. The adults stared at him incredulously, wondering if he knew what he just said.
KRILLIN: Well, we don't wanna keep ya, so I guess we'll be seeing ya!
VEGETA: Yep! And I still got a lot to take care of and I... Ohohohoho! Ohhh, wait a minute, nice try. Gimme the Dragon Ball.
KRILLIN: Aww... (gives Vegeta the Dragon Ball)
"Krillin almost had it," Natsu shook his head.
"Would've ended with him dying," Lucy told him.
VEGETA: Ya know, I could kill both of you right now, but after killing Zarbon and getting this last Dragon Ball, I'm in a good mood; I mean a REALLY good mood. But just remember this: next time you see me, I will be immortal... Not that you stood a chance to begin with. I'm just... Saiyan. (canned laughter plays in the background) Wakka wakka! (flies off)
"Any cool points he may have had are lost, because of that joke," Gajeel grumbled.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cuts to Krillin and Bulma after Vegeta has taken off with the DragonBall)
BULMA: Well, congratulations. You've single-handedly doomed us all.
"You didn't do shit," Laxus said.
"To be fair, she isn't a fighter," Mira told him.
"Doesn't mean she hasn't contributed shit since they've got there," He responded.
KRILLIN: I didn't see you do anything.
BULMA: What exactly did you expect me to do?
KRILLIN: Well I dunno, maybe you could've bitched at him, how 'bout that? That's all you appear to be good for these days! Huh? Used your bitch-fu on him? "Bulma, the Mistress of Bitching", that's what they should call you…
"Years of dealing with her have led to this," Macao understood all too well.
"Probably some other issues he's releasing here as well," Lisanna said.
(cuts to Vegeta and Gohan, each of them holding a DragonBall, flying in the sky)
VEGETA & GOHAN: (both of them singing in their thoughts in the tune of "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen)
"Aw! Gohan's singing!" Mira swayed. Elfman was going to remind her Vegeta was singing too, but was quickly stopped by Lisanna.
Don't stop me now, having such a good time
I'm holdin' this ball
Don't stop me now...
(both Vegeta and Gohan senses each other and stops singing)
VEGETA & GOHAN: What the...?!
"Crapbaskets," Mira frowned.
GOHAN: That's Vegeta... (in his thoughts) Uh, I know! (flies down and hides behind a cliff) If I just hide here and lower my power level, he shouldn't find me!
"The plan would work, if Vegeta couldn't sense energy," Lucy frowned.
VEGETA: Okay, what the hell is going on? I know I just sensed something down there.
GOHAN: (thinking) Good! Now just go on and…
"Really wish your lives were that easy," Juvia sighed into Gray's side.
VEGETA: Hey! Show yourself before I turn this place into a barren wasteland! So basically the same, only on fire.
Everyone's eyes shifted to Natsu for a quick second.
GOHAN: (thinking) Crapbaskets!
VEGETA: (begins charging a ki blast) Three... Two... One...
(prepares to blast the area before...)
GOHAN: (pops his head up) Hi! Um... hello... Mr. Vegeta... sir.
VEGETA: Oh, well if it isn't Moe Howard.
Eyebrows were raised in question.
GOHAN: How do you even...
VEGETA: Space Hulu.
GOHAN: Figures.
VEGETA: So what are you doing here?
GOHAN: Oh, you know, just... flying around.
"He needs to learn how to lie better," Romeo said.
"Considering who his parents are, I'm not surprised this is the best he could do," Gray said.
VEGETA: Flying around?
GOHAN: Flying around.
VEGETA: Thwarting my plans?
"Yes," Natsu answered.
GOHAN: Thwarting your plans?
VEGETA: Are you?
GOHAN: No.
VEGETA: Good, 'cause that'd be bad.
GOHAN: How bad?
VEGETA: I'd have to kill you.
"Does Vegeta seem unhinged to anyone else," Lucy asked.
There were lots of agreements from the audience.
GOHAN: That's bad.
VEGETA: Indeed. (notices Gohan holding the Dragon Radar) Stupid-looking watch you got there.
GOHAN: (hiding the Dragon Radar) Yes... it tells time... and nothing else.
"His lying reminds me of yours, Wendy," Carla frowned.
"I'm not that bad at lying...right?" Wendy asked. The silence she was greeted with caused her to lower her head embarrassed.
VEGETA: Well, yeah, that's what a watch DOES. (rolls his eyes) ...Dumbass.
"You're being tricked by a 5-year old, so who's the actual dumbass?" Gajeel shot back.
GOHAN: (thinking) Jackass.
GOHAN: So, uh, can I... help you?
VEGETA: (gently puts his hand on Gohan's face) No... but maybe I can help you.
"What the hell," Mira's face darkened as her evil aura flared instantly. Everyone backed away from her in fear.
GOHAN: Uh... I need an adult...
VEGETA: I am an adult. (knees Gohan in the stomach)
GOHAN: UNNGH! (falls over and holds his stomach in pain)
"He's a dead bitch," Mira's smile sent chills down everyone's spines.
VEGETA: By the way, I only hit you because I have pent-up aggression against your father. Take that. (flies away)
"That doesn't excuse attacking a 5-year old," Erza frowned, while trying to hold Mira back from the lacarma.
GOHAN: (thinking) Don't... stop me now... I don't... wanna... stop at... allllll... (stumbles and falls off cliff)
"SIS TURN OFF YOUR MOTHER BEAR MODE!"
"NO!"
(cuts back to Krillin continuing his rant on Bulma)
KRILLIN: ...Seriously, five ancient sages of Bitchdom all gathered together one day on the peaks of Mount Bitch to proclaim your birth! And a hundred years later, when all the bitch stars had aligned, you were born and made everybody's life around you a living hell, because YOU ARE SUCH A BITCH! Uhh…
"He ran out of things to say," Lucy sweatdropped, then dropped down as Erza's body flew into the bar. The knight recovered immediately and charged back at the She-Devil.
"SOMEBODY CALM HER DOWN!" Gajeel screamed, standing protectively in front of Levy.
BULMA: Ya done?
KRILLIN: Yeah... yeah, I guess.
BULMA: Good. (hits Krillin off-screen)
KRILLIN: (off-screen) Ow!
"He should've seen that one coming," Gray sweatdropped, making protective ice barriers for everyone else.
"Shouldn't we pause until she calms down?" Romeo asked, terrified.
"We might as well finish it now, and calm her down after the episode," Makarov explained to everyone.
(Gohan arrives with the Dragon Ball)
GOHAN: Guys!
KRILLIN: Gohan!
GOHAN: You guys, I think we should find a new location.
KRILLIN: Why? What's wrong with this place?
"A very angry saiyan prince will want your heads on spikes," Levy answered.
GOHAN: Because we have 10 minutes before Vegeta finds out that I just stole this.
KRILLIN: (high-pitched) Uh-...! Uh...! Aah...! (Gohan smiles sweetly as Krillin is exclaiming)
(cuts to Vegeta jumping inside a lake to retrieve the last Dragon Ball he had taken from a Namekian village)
VEGETA: (thinking) God, I love it when a plan comes together! Took some time, effort, and lots of bodies, but now it's mine. Immortality is my bitch! Now, it should be right here... riiight here. (searches around for the missing Dragon Ball) Where the hell is it? It couldn't have gone anywhere.
"It left with the 5-year old you attacked for petty reasons," Carla answered.
"Maybe if you're nice enough, it'll come back." Wendy smiled.
VEGETA: Alright, I'm going to close my eyes, (closes eyes) and when I open them up, it's going to be right here... (opens his eyes) it's not here. Why isn't it here!? I don't get it! Who could have-! (remembers that Gohan was near the place where he hid the Dragon Ball) The kid! But... how could he have found it!? He would... Wait! (remembers Gohan holding the Dragon Radar) That watch... That watch was no watch at all! It was some kind of Dragon Ball locator. (starts clenching his fist) Which means... Which means…
"You got played by a 5-year old who sucks at lying," Gajeel laughed.
"It doesn't get anymore insulting than that," Gray added.
(Ghost Nappa appears with a ping)
GHOST NAPPA: (deadpan) He tooook the Dragon Ball.
(cuts an outside shot of the lake with Vegeta bursting out of the water, blasting off into the distance after Gohan)
VEGETA: (eyes are seen bloodshot) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH...!
"And he's completely lost it," Lucy said, taken aback. Mira and Erza stopped their fighting at Vegeta's rage.
(cuts to Gohan and Krillin flying in the sky)
GOHAN: (hears Vegeta's scream) Uh, Krillin. Do you hear that?
KRILLIN: I feel that.
"And that's a good sign that you need to run faster," Lily motioned his paws forward.
(cuts to Frieza's ship)
FRIEZA: (hears Vegeta's scream) What the devil is that noise?
"Pure unadulterated rage," Gajeel answered.
(cuts to Goku, in his ship, still flying through space to Namek)
GOKU: (going through a fridge) Ahh, time for a delicious sports dri- (takes out a sports drink and hears Vegeta's scream) Huh? What the heck is that?
"He's screaming that loud!?" Makarov was astonished.
"But, sound can't exist in space!" Levy was shocked.
"These saiyans keep defying logic," Lucy said, shocked.
(cuts to Earth's Check-In Station in the afterlife)
KING YEMMA: (flipping through a book) Purgatory... Hell... (hears Vegeta's scream) Denise? Denise, do you hear that? Oh, God, is that my wife? LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU ALREADY TOOK THE KIDS; WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!
"Even in the afterlife," Evergreen's glasses falter a bit.
"So, we're ignoring the divorce part?" Lisanna asked.
(cuts to the 20 years later in a ruined future in an alternate timeline)
TRUNKS: Alright, mom. Once that time machine is done, I can go back into the past, to save Goku, and my father- (hears Vegeta's scream) Daddy?
"I'm just gonna save that for later," Levy and Freed both wrote it down.
(cuts to Krillin, Gohan, and Bulma finding a new hiding place from Vegeta)
KRILLIN: Alright, I don't think Vegeta will find us here. Gohan, I need to get you to Guru's.
GOHAN: What? Why?
KRILLIN: So the old man can touch you and pull things out of you that you never knew you had.
"You could've explained that so much better," Mira grumbled, finally calmed down enough to sit in her seat. The other mages all sighed in relief.
GOHAN: ...I need an adult?
KRILLIN: I am an adult.
"You're a midget," Gajeel corrected.
BULMA: Oh, no! No, no, NO! I am not letting you abandon me here again! Those bitches on Lifetime might put up with it, but not me!
"You're useless no matter where you are on this planet, so just stay there," Laxus said.
KRILLIN: Bulma, you're right. You have been very helpful and very patient with us. So in return... we're letting you watch the Dragon Ball. Bye! (flies away with Gohan)
BULMA: I WILL KILL YOU BOTH IN YOUR SLEEP!
"Gonna have to deal with an angry Chi-Chi," Lisanna chuckled.
(cuts to Frieza's ship)
FRIEZA: (thinking) As soon as the Ginyu Force arrives, all of my problems will officially be over. Soon, immortality will be mine and the entire universe will be under my foot. I wonder what I should do first? I guess I should start with what I WON'T do when I become immortal: Die!
"There are other alternatives, just ask Garlic Jr," Levy responded.
ACAI: Lord Frieza, the Ginyu Force is scheduled to arrive in five minutes.
FREEZA: Thank you, Acai.
ACAI: Also, after rising concerns with our personnel... exploding, we decided to form a union!
"Let's see how well that goes for you," Canna said.
FRIEZA: ...Adorable. (fires an eye blast at Acai)
ACAI: RRRAAGGGH!
"About as well as I expected," Canna downed more beer.
FRIEZA: (thinking) Oh! First thing I'm going to do is go up to Cooler and slap him right in his smug, prick face!
Levy decided to write the name down.
(cuts to Krillin and Gohan flying in the air)
GOHAN: (notices Guru's house from a distance) Hey, Krillin!
KRILLIN: That's it! We're going to make it. We're finally gonna- (hears Vegeta scream and stops flying) ...die. We are going to die.
"Stop jinxing it, Krillin!" Lucy yelled.
GOHAN: Krillin, what is that?
KRILLIN: Pure rage, Gohan. Pure rage.
"I can relate to the pure rage part," Laxus mumbled.
GOHAN: What do we do?
KRILLIN: Run, Gohan. Run as fast as you can!
GOHAN: But I-
"Stop questioning it!" Mira yelled.
KRILLIN: DO AS I SAY, FOR I AM THE HEAVENLY BUDDHA!
"He does resemble a buddha," Freed stroked his chin.
GOHAN: ...What-?
KRILLIN: Just go!
(Gohan flies away to Guru's house)
(cuts to Guru's house)
NAIL: Guru, sir, we have another traveler from Earth.
GURU: Oh, tell me you didn't let him inside.
GOHAN: Hello, Mr. Guru.
"So polite," Mira gushed.
"Crazy how she was ready to kill a few moments ago," Gray mumbled.
GURU: Oh, goddammit!
GOHAN: Mr. Guru, sir, my friend Krillin told me that you could help us by... touching me.
GURU: Do I look Catholic to you?
"I should've expected that joke," Lucy sighed.
"We all should've expected that joke," Levy shook her head.
NAIL: Sir, I think he means he wants you to release his hidden potential.
"Catholic priests can do that too," Gajeel joked and Levy elbowed him.
GOHAN: Yeah, that.
GURU: Fine, stand still. (places his hand on Gohan's head) It's your first time, so I'll be gentle. Now relax as I reach deep inside you and grab hold of your essence.
GOHAN: I... need an adult?
"And you will never be surrounded by a responsible adult," Carla said.
"What about his mom?" Wendy asked. Carla responded with a deadpan stare.
GURU: I AM AN ADUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- (unlocks Gohan's hidden potential)
(cuts back to Krillin)
KRILLIN: (thinking) Huh, that's odd. I don't feel anything anymore. Wonder if we lost him?
"Too much wishful thinking Krillin," Lily answered.
"They really need to stop doing that," Freed said.
(Vegeta dashes past Krillin and stops in midair. His eyes are bloodshot as he has gone crazy from his blind rage.)
VEGETA: (delirious) I am here for it...
KRILLIN: (scared) For what?
VEGETA: Dragon... Ball. I... need... that Dragon Ball. Give it to me. The one you took. I need my wish…
"He actually broke," Erza was speechless.
"This is why you should never allow your rage to take control," Makarov advised.
"At least not to the point of insanity," Laxus added.
KRILLIN: Are... you OK?
"He's not," Gray answered.
GHOST NAPPA: I think your rage broke, Vegeta.
VEGETA: SHUT UP, GHOST OF NAPPA!
"I'm guessing he's just been broke for awhile and this was his tipping point," Canna explained.
KRILLIN: What was that?
VEGETA: I'M NOT CRAZY! YOU'RE CRAZY! ESPECIALLY YOU, NAPPA!
"You're definitely crazy," Evergreen huffed, slightly unnerved.
GHOST NAPPA: (slightly insulted) Eeeeey.
KRILLIN: Who are you talking to?
VEGETA: Dragon Ball! Hand now, please.
KRILLIN: Um, I don't... really... have it.
(a blood vessel bursts in Vegeta's right eye, making it turn red)
Everyone leans back from the screen a bit.
VEGETA: No...
KRILLIN: What?
VEGETA: (right eye starts dripping blood) Noo...
KRILLIN: Uh…
"RUN KRILLIN!" Natsu shouts at the screen.
VEGETA: (slowly starts approaching Krillin; both eyes now bloodshot red) Noooo...
KRILLIN: (whimpers in fear)
(Vegeta continues approaching Krillin, then suddenly feels Guru powering up Gohan and snaps out of it)
VEGETA: Huh, wait, what? Where am I? (to Krillin) Why are you here? Where's Nappa?
"At least he's back to normal," Lisanna chuckled nervously.
"Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing," Gray responded.
KRILLIN: Didn't you kill him?
VEGETA: Yes. Of course I did. He's dead... forever.
"Hm…" Carla hummed.
KRILLIN: So, uh...
VEGETA: Where's that immense power coming from?
KRILLIN: (quickly) Oh, that's probably Gohan over in the hut with the creator of the Dragon Balls is. You know, the guy who can unlock your potential by putting his hand on top of your head- Oh, God, I cannot shut up when I am scared...
"You really need to work on that," Macao tipped.
VEGETA: Interesting. I'm gonna pay him a... What do you call it?
KRILLIN: A visit?
VEGETA: Beating! That's it. I'm gonna go pay him a beating.
"Sounds like something Gajeel would say," Juvia brought up.
"She's not wrong," The Iron Dragon Slayer shrugged his shoulders.
KRILLIN: Aww! Crapbaskets.
(Vegeta flies off and lands in front of Guru's house)
NAIL: Hello? Can I... help you with something?
VEGETA: Yeah, the first thing you can do is go die, save me the trouble.
"One way to greet a person," Levy said.
NAIL: Ooh! Ooh! Is this really happening? 'Cause I really hope it is.
VEGETA: (laughs) Trust me, you don't want any of what I am now.
NAIL: Then come on, bring on all four feet of you. Or should I count your stupid hair?
"Damn," Some members whistled at the comeback.
VEGETA: Pretty big talk coming from a bipedal slug.
NAIL: Big talk coming from a bipedal bitch
"I'm using that," Gajeel smiled to himself.
VEGETA: (laughs) Oh, I gotta admit, you are the best challenge I've gotten out of your people yet... Then again, I have to compare you to those villagers I slaughtered.
NAIL: Oh, you are DEAD!
GURU: Naaaaaail! Stop making out with your boyfriend! I can hear it from here! It sounds like, (makes gagging and slurping noises)
"He's an old-man child," Lucy sighed.
"And that makes it funnier," Natsu told her.
NAIL: (sarcastically) Thank you, Lord Guru!
VEGETA: I'm not here for any of you idiots anyway. I'm here for the old man.
GOHAN: (walks out of Guru's house) Oh no, you don't! With this power-up, I'm now as strong as you were when we fought on Earth.
"That really doesn't help you," Levy sighed.
"Oh, Gohan," Mira sighed.
VEGETA: Congratulations! You're still weaker than the last three guys I killed.
GOHAN: Wow... I now know what it's like to feel like Krillin.
"A fate worse than death," Romeo pitied.
"No, being Yamcha is a fate worse than death," Gajeel corrected.
"Being Krillin is like dropping your food on the floor, going back to get more, only for it to fall on the floor again while everyone eats their favorite food in front of you," Natsu explained.
KRILLIN: (off-screen) Sucks, doesn't it?
VEGETA: Look, it doesn't matter how strong you get, kid. Besides Frieza, I'm the strongest thing on this planet! Bar none.
"He's about to eat his own words," Gajeel said.
GURU: Hey! Just thought I would inform you all. I detect several high power levels coming towards the planet.
"That's convenient," Levy said.
VEGETA: What? Several high power levels?
GURU: There are five of them in total.
VEGETA: Five of them!?
GURU: And they're all incredibly flamboyant!
VEGETA: Oh, God, it's them!
Gajeel just kept a self satisfied smirk to himself.
KRILLIN: What are you talking about?
("Sanjou! Ginyu Tokusentai!" starts playing in the background)
"Why do the bad guys always get a theme song?" Natsu pouted.
VEGETA: We're doomed... Don't you understand? We're all going to die here!
KRILLIN: Who? Who is it?
VEGETA: It's... the Ginyu Force…
"We finally get to see this Ginyu Force, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing." Levy said nervously.
(The Ginyu Force's space pods are seen arriving on Planet Namek, producing a huge explosion making the screen red)
GINYU FORCE: We're heeeeere...
JEICE: ...mates.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
(cuts to Goku wearing boxer shorts with a towel around his neck opening a refrigerator)
GOKU: Whew! Alrighty! Time for a post-workout drink. (takes out a beer) Nah, it's too early to get crunk. (puts beer back and holds up a Powerthirst energy drink) Nah, energy drinks just don't do it for me anymore. (puts sports drink back and takes out a bottle of peanuts) I can't drink these! These are nuts! (puts peanuts back and holds up a Team Four Star Soda) Oooh, what's this? It looks delicious! And it's high in calcium!
GOKU & SINGERS: Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. Team Four Star soda!
"Did he really just promote a brand?" Levy questioned.
"Wonder if he got paid for it," Lisanna added.
Chapter End