Chapter 30: Stop! Celebrate and Witness, Goku's Back From 100x Fitness!
(cuts to Goku flying in the sky, finally arriving on Planet Namek)
GOKU: Finally, I'm on Planet Namek.
"Good, now go save your son and friend," Mira commanded.
"What about Vegeta?" Lisanna asked.
"What ABOUT Vegeta?" Mira asked, she was still peeved about Vegeta's earlier actions.
KRILLIN: (in distance) Help uuuuussssss!
GOKU: So serene.
"Are you choosing to not hear?" Evergreen asked, impatiently.
"Not the time to be a dumbass," Laxus spoke.
KRILLIN: (in distance) Oh, God, he's killing us! Heeeeeelp!
GOKU: I think I hear a duck. But this far out in space? That doesn't make any sense!
"What goes through these people's heads?" Carla looked bewildered.
KRILLIN: (in distance) Quaaaaaaaack...
GOKU: Oh, no! That sounds like Krillin! Imma comin'! (powers up to Kaio-ken)
"He just mistook Krillin for a duck," Erza facepalmed.
"Can't blame him," Natsu said.
["SANJOU! GINYU TOKUSENTAI!" OPENING SEQUENCE]
(shows Burter's face on the screen along with an ad on Team Four Star soda and Spacey's, accompanied by an announcer speaking in Japanese)
(cuts to outside Frieza's ship)
FRIEZA: I can't believe we came all the way out here and spent a week in the Space Boonies for nothing! Seriously, I'm surprised we didn't hear banjos on the way in because everybody's inbred and looks the f**king same! Not to mention I lost Dodoria and Zarbon, the latter of whom spent 400 credits making long-distance calls to his girlfriend, who I am convinced is named Chuck!
"I'm convinced to honestly," Gajeel shrugged his shoulders.
"Zarbon just doesn't seem straight," Gray looked unconvinced.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Lord Frieza...
FRIEZA: WHAT?!
CAPTAIN GINYU: There may still be a few holed up somewhere. Perhaps you should check your scouter.
"A character using their brain? Weird," Levy faked a shock look.
(Frieza pauses for a brief moment and then checks his scouter)
FRIEZA: Well, would you look at that? Three in that direction. (gets in his bubble car) Good work, Ginyu.
"That's not good at all," Wendy frowned.
"About as good as Natsu emptying the food supply," Erza's seriousness seeped out.
CAPTAIN GINYU: All in a day's work sir.
(Frieza flies off)
CAPTAIN GINYU: And now... the Dance of Solitude! (Captain Ginyu starts dancing, with "Vouge" playing in the background)
"Does he just dance to everything?" Lucy asked.
"I do," Lisanna shrugged.
(cuts to Burter and Jeice as they watch a red dot approaching the battlefield)
BURTER: So are we just waiting for this thing or wha-
(Goku quickly flies into the battlefield)
JEICE: Holy doolie!
BURTER: Jesus, that was fast! I-I mean not as... not as fast as me considering I'm the fastest in the... in the universe. But compared to the average person…
"Someone's insecure," Freed commented.
JEICE: We get it, mate. It's cool.
(Goku starts shaking a nearly-dead Gohan, who makes snapping noises while doing so)
"STOP SHAKING HIM!" The mages shouted in distress.
GOKU: Gohan. Hey, Gohan. Gohaaaan... Gohan? (Gohan doesn't respond, with his neck limply falling down) Maybe he'll wake up if I shake him some more…
"STOP YOU IDIOT!" Lucy shouted.
"JUST GIVE HIM THE BEAN!" Mira's dark aura flared 10 fold.
KRILLIN: Goku, just give him a Senzu!
GOKU: Oh, right. (starts getting a Senzu Bean) Eat up, Gohan.
RECOOME: Hey! Recoome was in the middle of a match here! So how 'bout yo-
GOKU: Sir... I am talking to my son.
RECOOME: Oh, Recoome apologizes.
"Apologize for breaking his neck," Carla huffed.
"And for breaking Krillin," Wendy adds.
RECOOME: Wait, what am I apologizing for? RECOOME'S GONNA KILL YOU!
"You gotta learn to be polite!" Lisanna huffed, annoyed.
(Gohan gets fed a Senzu Bean, making a Final Fantasy sound effect along with a green 9999 appearing over his head, and wakes up)
"Finally," Everyone sighed in relief.
GOHAN: Dad...? Dad! (clutches Goku's shirt) Oh, my God, you're here! I love you, Dad!
GOKU: That's right, Gohan. I am here.
"Wow," Gray was speechless.
"I'm not surprised," Bickslow said.
GOKU: (walks up to Krillin) Hey, Krillin! Ya hangin' in there?
KRILLIN: Oh, I've had worse. Ya know... when I died... This is definitely a close second, though.
"Krillin's died before?" Wendy asked, concerned.
"When you look at how he acts, I can definitely believe he died before," Levy answered.
RECOOME: Recoome will not be ignored!
GOKU: Sir. I am trying to talk to my friends! (to Vegeta) Hey Vegeta, we're friends now, right?
VEGETA: F**k off.
"Yup, the best of friends," Natsu smiled.
"Only an idiot like you would think so," Gajeel said. Natsu charged at Gajeel causing the two to fight each other. The fight only lasted for a minute before Erza separated them both.
"Yeah, they're dynamic is way too similar," Levy sighed.
GOKU: The best. So have a magic bean! (tosses a Senzu Bean at Vegeta, who catches it) But make sure you chew it, or else you'll grow a beanstalk in your belly!
"Is that true!?" Wendy's eyes showed innocence.
"No," Carla quickly dashed the light out of Wendy's eyes.
KRILLIN: Goku, it was terrible! We landed here, and then there were these really strong guys, and then there was even more strong guys, and then our ship blew up, (voice starts breaking down) and then there was even more strong-
"Feels like that's a recurring theme...even for us…" Levy's mind slowed down a bit.
GOKU: Bored now. Reading your mind.
"Wait what?" Levy's head snapped back at the screen.
KRILLIN: Wait, what?
(Goku places his hand on Krillin's head and reads his mind)
"WHEN!?" The mages were shocked.
GOKU: Haha! That thing was a guy.
"Freezer," Natsu said.
KRILLIN: Goku, did you just read my mind?
"Yes, he did," Freed answered.
GOKU: Yuh-huh.
KRILLIN: But how could you-
GOKU: Muffin Button.
"What?" Laxus was baffled.
"Don't think hard about it," Mira told him.
KRILLIN: What?
GOKU: Huh?
RECOOME: THAT'S IT! Recoome has had enough! Feel the strength of the Reeeecoooome Ultra Fighting Miracle... (starts charging up energy)
GOKU: Sir! (elbows Recoome in the stomach, knocking him unconscious) I will fight you in a minute.
"WHAT!?" Cried out the shocked mages.
"YEAH! GO GOKU!" Natsu cheered.
"How strong did he get?" Lucy was baffled.
"Enough to get Recoome to look like a complete joke," Makarov laughed.
VEGETA: (thinking) This... This is impossible! Kakarrot was nowhere near that same level when we fought on Earth! The only way he could have attained this strength is... No! It can't be! The legend says it only happens every 1,000 years! Has he become... a Super Saiyan?!
"Is he referring to the form Goku had when he fought Slug?" Levy thought to herself. She wrote it down and circled it.
GOKU: So, anyway... Vegeta, what happened to you? Did you get beat up by this guy?
"Yes," Natsu answered immediately.
RECOOME: (groans in pain)
VEGETA: Uhh... n-no... I um... Uh…
"Aw! He's embarrassed," Lisanna giggled.
GHOST NAPPA: You fell down some stairs.
VEGETA: I fell down some stairs.
"I don't think stairs can do that to a person," Happy laughed.
KRILLIN: No you didn't, you-
VEGETA: Shut up before I throw you down a flight!
"Way too similar," Levy mumbled under her breath.
(cuts to Guru's house)
GURU: So, Dende... Sucks about your family.
"Not how you should start a conversation," Lucy sweatdropped.
DENDE: We've gone over this...
GURU: But do you know who also lost his family...? Batman.
"No idea who that is, but he sounds cool," Romeo smiled.
DENDE: I don't know who that is!
GURU: See? This is why we need TV!
DENDE: Why?
GURU: (singing in the style of the Batman theme song) Nananananananana Dende. Nananananananana Dende. Dende...
Some of the mages swayed to the melody.
DENDE: Guru.
GURU: Dende...
DENDE: Nail's here.
GURU: (as Nail enters via an elevator, showing a dark bruise on his head) Naaaaaaaiiiiiiilllllll. Why are you back?
NAIL: I never left, sir. I was outside hitting my head against the wall for 20 minutes.
(Flashback to sounds of Nail hitting his head against the wall four times, with Guru flinching everytime he does so. Cuts back to present.)
"I guess that's how he stayed sane all these years," Lily pitied him.
GURU: So that's what that was... Why have you ignored my order?
NAIL: Because, Lord Guru, I can't leave you unguarded no matter what-
(Guru coughs up mucus, which drips down on Nail's face)
"That's just disgusting," Evergreen almost puked.
GURU: Clean that up!
(Shows a Batman-style transition with Dende's logo. Cuts back to the battlefield.)
JEICE: What the bleedin' hell?! We were havin' a right ripsnorter here, and then this piker shows up and just like that it's "Goodnight, Irene"!
Juvia was just baffled by the accent.
KRILLIN: (off-screen) We get it, you're from Space Australia!
BURTER: He's making fools out of us, Jeice!
JEICE: You're bloomin' right he is! We'd better bust out our special technique...
BURTER & JEICE: (both start powering up) Seizure Procedure!
(The two combined into a whirling blue and red vortex, as the screen starts flashing red and blue, with "Sandstorm" by Darude playing in the background. Goku is seen silently glaring at the vortex.)
"The name 'Seizure Procedure' is an appropriate name," Levy sweat dropped.
GOHAN: Krillin, whatever you do, don't look directly at it! Krillin?
(Krillin is seen with his eyes rolled back in his head, foaming at his wide-open mouth, and moaning unintelligibly)
(Krillin Owned Count: 13)
"He would look directly at it," Gray sighed.
Lucy made sure Happy and Natsu were ok, before turning back to the screen.
JEICE: No way! No one resists the Seizure Procedure!
BURTER: Plan B!
(Burter and Jeice lands next to Goku; Burter landing from behind while Jeice lands in the front)
JEICE: Alright, you bastard. Prepare to feel the wrath of the Ginyu- (Goku punches Jeice in the face) Argh! Gah! You goddamn wanker! You punched me in the- (Goku punches Jeice again) Argh! Gah! Ya did it again! (Goku punches Jeice yet again) Daah! Stop it! Stop it! (Goku punches Jeice a fourth time) Ah! PISS!
Everybody in the audience was too busy laughing to comment.
JEICE: (thinking) Oh, what did the cap'n tell us to do in this situation?!
(shows a flashback with Captain Ginyu's face)
CAPTAIN GINYU: Jeice, if you ever find yourself being punched repeatedly in the face, always remember to-
(Goku punches Jeice a fifth time, ending the flashback)
JEICE: Gahhh! Ow! He cut off the cap'n!
The laughter grew even louder.
GOKU: So, aren't you gonna dodge any of these?
JEICE: Oh, that's what the cap'n- (Goku punches Jeice a SIXTH time) Ahh! (to Burter) BURTER! SUPPORT!
"Why...is this...so funny!?" Lucy tries to regain her breathing.
"Because they're idiots!" Happy said, through laughter.
BURTER: Well, you've got very nice hair, you're a beautiful shade of red, and honestly, you're the only guy I can rely on on this team.
"Just take him on a date at this point," Bickslow laughed.
JEICE: I meant punch him, ya daft bastard! Argh! Oh, but thanks, you know? That did really cheer me- (Goku punches Jeice... you know what? You get the point) Ahh! God, I think he broke something that time!
"Piccolo would be disappointed at the lack of dodging," Romeo said.
(Burter and Jeice attack Goku, with Goku easily blocking both their attacks. Goku then counter attacks by sweepkicking Burter off his feet and then gets back up and holds his hands near his face, all while "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer plays, the music pausing at word "Stop:".)
GOKU: Goku time! (blasts Burter and Jeice away simultaneously with a Ki blast)
Natsu mimics Goku's movements.
"Natsu Time!" The Dragon Slayer extended his arms, shooting out fire. He almost burned Lucy in the process.
"WATCH IT!" The celestial mage cried.
"Your dodging skills are poor Lucy," Natsu sounded disappointed. The celestial mage bashed him on the head.
JEICE: Alright, this is just bloody stupid!
BURTER: Calm down! We gotta come up with a plan! Listen, if you use your Crusher Ball on him, I can rush him the moment he tries to dodge. He may be fast, but he's not faster than the fastest guy in the universe!
"Shut up about it," Laxus was annoyed.
JEICE: Okay, mate, we need to talk. About this whole "fastest in the universe" thing. First off, the Cap'n's got a higher power level than you.
BURTER: Yeah, so?
JEICE: Well then, correct me if I'm wrong, but a higher power level means he's faster, yeah?
BURTER: Well okay... Maybe...
JEICE: And Lord Frieza's got a higher power level than all of us...
BURTER: Okay, that's just not fair...
JEICE: And, if ya think about it, Guldo can stop time, so that technically makes him faster than-
BURTER: NO, NO, NO! OKAY?! I AM NOT SLOWER THAN F**KING GULDO!
"It's like being weaker than Yamcha," Gray shivered.
"A man's worst nightmare," Gajeel said.
JEICE: Burter, calm down.
BURTER: NO, SHUT UP! YOU SHUT YOUR STUPID RED FACE! (doing a Jeice impression) "Oh, don't worry, mate, you're just slower than Guldo!" (off-screen during Goku's thought transition) I don't wanna hear it! You! Don't! Get it!
GOKU: (thinking) I wonder if there's a Denny's on this planet... I could really go for a Grand Slam…
"I am hungry right now," Natsu rubbed his stomach.
"I can cook something up after this," Mira offered, which everyone agreed.
BURTER: You don't know what it's like! Everyone has something special! I don't! What am I? The big blue snake guy. That's all I've got! (voice starts breaking down) That's all I've go-o-ot...
"He really was insecure," Wendy felt bad.
"Meh," Carla rolled her eyes.
JEICE: Geez, mate. I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
BURTER: I just... I just wanna be special. Something to call my own, you know?
JEICE: Mate, mate. Ya do got something special: You're me mate.
"Aw!" The girls cooed at the nice moment.
BURTER: Ahh, dude...
JEICE: No, no, really. Remember when I had to move me piano into me flat and Recoome was too busy with his match and Guldo, well, he was Guldo, but you! You got those ivory keys up those five flights in no time at all. You're me best mate!
"I'm sure Burter wants to be more," Lisanna giggled.
BURTER: Thanks, Jeice. You're my best friend too... Ya know, after all this is over, whaddya say we head off to Spacey's and just have a good ol' time?
"That's not gonna happen," Gray shook his head.
JEICE: Sounds good, mate.
BURTER: But remember, you still owe me that space soda!
JEICE: Haha! You're right I do. Now, let's go show that bloke what for-
(Goku attacks Burter by kicking him the back, sending him flying towards the ground, only to be caught by Goku, who throws him onto the ground, rendering him unconscious)
"And Goku wins," Erza smiled.
"He also ruined the moment," Lucy threw in.
"I'm honestly surprised he let the conversation go on for that long," Lily said.
GOKU: (to Jeice) Say, do you know where there's a Denny's around here?
JEICE: Burter! No!
GOKU: Butter! That'll go great on my Grand Slam!
"And he's only thinking about food," Levy sighed.
"Reminds me of someone," Lucy's eyes bore into Natsu's skull.
JEICE: You just killed me best mate! I'm... I'm gonna get the cap'n. And he's gonna beat you up! (charges up energy and flies away) CAAAPTAIIIIIN!
GOKU: Well, that was fun. Now where are the fighters? I really wanna deck that Freezer guy!
"He also calls him Freezer…" Lucy facepalmed.
"That is his name," Natsu looked at Lucy as if she was the dumb one.
"It's not you idiot!" Lucy yelled back.
VEGETA: You've got to be kidding... This is a Super Saiyan?
"Disappointing isn't it?" Gajeel laughed.
GOKU: A Super what?
VEGETA: Nothing. Just... lamenting my crushed dreams...
KRILLIN: Goku! I can't believe you're so strong!
GOKU: Well, I did train at 100x normal gravity…
"Need to try that," Natsu gains an evil glint in his eyes.
VEGETA: (eyes widen) FUU**********... (continues cursing in the background)
KRILLIN: Man, no wonder you killed them so easily.
VEGETA: ...UUCK!
GOKU: Krillin, I'm not gonna kill them... They're hardly even a threat.
"Sparing his enemies, proof of his golden heart," Erza's eyes shined brightly.
(The renegade icon from Mass Effect 3 appears at the bottom right of the screen. Vegeta grins before killing Burter by breaking his neck and then fires a blast at Recoome, killing him as well)
"And then that happens," Everyone was shocked at Vegeta's instant kills.
GOKU: Vegeta...! That was not very Paragon!
VEGETA: (spits) Renegade for life.
"Taking that one too," Gajeel said.
["TOKUSENTAI!" ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
VEGETA: You think that's bad? Seriously, if you hit him hard enough you can play a song.
(Vegeta repeatedly stomps on Burter's neck, causing the latter to groan repeatedly in the tune of "Tetris")
Wendy cringed at the scene.
VEGETA: Ahahahah! I don't even know what that's from.
KRILLIN: I think that was Tetris.
VEGETA: Isn't that what you get when you cut yourself with something rusty?
GOKU: Nope. That's rabies.
GOHAN: Actually, Dad, you contract rabies when you're bitten by an animal with the disease.
GOKU: Silly Gohan. Animals don't eat people... People eat animals. Silly Gohan.
"I still believe Goku would eat an entire species out of existence," Gray said, flatly.
Chapter End