NOTE: Goku's a good dad.
Happy New Year and let's pray that 2021 is a better year for us all.
Chapter 32: Grand Theft Goku
(cuts to Goku, now in Captain Ginyu's body)
GOKU: (in Ginyu's body) What happened? I'm all purple...and horny! Chi-Chi's gonna hate this…
"It's definitely a repulsive new look," Erza frowned, agreeing with Goku.
"She might like the horny part," Cana giggled.
GINYU: (in Goku's body) What's mine is yours, and yours is mine, as they say.
"I'm pretty sure that's not correct," Levy crossed her arms.
"It's Grand Theft Goku!" Happy screamed.
GOKU: G-Gimme back my body!
GINYU: I'm sorry, you can't have your body anymore. It's mine, now. Jeice, shall we?
JEICE: Right, cap'n.
(Ginyu and Jeice fly off)
GINYU: Goodbye! Enjoy bleeding to death.
"Bleeding to death doesn't sound enjoyable," Natsu gagged.
"That's the point Natsu," Lucy told him.
GOKU:: I won't...! Man... I'm a jerk now…
"No, Ginyu is the jerk," Wendy said, fiercely.
"But, he's Ginyu now," Romeo said. The usually sweet girl glared in his direction, making the boy close his mouth.
["SANJOU! GINYU TOKUSENTAI!" OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cuts to Krillin and Gohan flying in the sky, searching for the Dragon Balls)
GOHAN: The radar says we're getting close!
KRILLIN: Yeah... Who woulda' thought Bulma woulda' been so compliant?
"Did you sell your soul?" Gajeel raised an eyebrow,
"Bulma isn't a demon," Levy told him.
"No, she's definitely a demon in human skin," Gray said.
(flashback of Krillin and Gohan's last conversation with Bulma)
BULMA: Why? Why would you leave me alone here? I don't know this place! Did you know there are giant crabs down there?! I do! I KILLED ONE!
"Because they had to fight some space rangers," Bickslow explained.
"To be fair, they really haven't explained anything to Bulma," Freed said.
"I'd doubt it would stop her bitching," Laxus furrowed his brows.
KRILLIN: Okay, Bulma... let's just calm down. Why are you upset?
BULMA: Why? Because I...am always alone.
"Get laid," Gajeel gave his answer. Everyone stared at him in bewilderment.
"What?" He asked.
"Sex doesn't solve every problem," Erza looked disappointed.
"It'll solve hers," He leaned back in his seat.
KRILLIN: Okay, Bulma- if we were to stay here...what would that accomplish?
"Krillin raised another good point," Lucy acknowledged.
"He seems to have been doing that lately," Lisanna smiled.
"Guess Recoome's kick knocked something straight," Juvia sweatdropped.
BULMA: ...Just take the f**king radar.
KRILLIN: Thank you, Bulma. Say thank you, Gohan.
GOHAN: Thank you, Bulma.
BULMA: No problem, Gohan.
KRILLIN: And no problem...
BULMA: Shove it!
"At least she appreciates Gohan," Lisanna sweatdropped.
"As everyone should," Mira nods proudly.
KRILLIN: I'll take it. Let's go! (Gohan and Krillin leap away)
(cuts back to present)
KRILLIN: Well, if you ask me, all she needs is a little bit of wink wink, nudge, nudge, *tsk*, *tsk*, *whistle*
"For once I'm agreeing with Krillin," Gajeel sighed.
"A cruel world indeed," Levy shook her head.
"He's still five tho," Juvia reminded. Her and the other girls had a look of disapproval on their faces from Killin's implications.
GOHAN: Still five.
KRILLIN: Right.
(cuts to outside Frieza's ship)
FRIEZA SOLDIER #1: It's called the Wilhelm Scream, man. It's like the one in Star Wars where the Stormtrooper falls.
FRIEZA SOLDIER #2: Aww, yeah! I love that scream. Uh, doesn't it sound like... (tries to imitate the scream)
FRIEZA SOLDIER #1: Nah, dude, it's more like... (also tries to imitate the scream)
"I think I've heard the scream before," Romeo scratched his head.
FRIEZA SOLDIER #2: Naw, that wasn't it either. (gets shot by a ki blast and does the actual scream)
"Yup, that's it," Romeo nodded his head.
FRIEZA SOLDIER #1: Dude, that was totally it! (also gets shot by a ki blast and does the actual scream as well)
(The first soldier's corpse is seen dropping on the ground, and then all the other soldiers get blasted to their deaths, resulting in a huge explosion. Vegeta is seen descending towards Frieza's ship and lands near hole in the center.)
VEGETA: (jumps down the hole in Frieza's ship) Wheeee!
"Wheee!" Happy copied.
(cuts to Ginyu (in Goku's body) and Jeice flying in the sky)
JEICE: How's the body, sir?
GINYU: (looking at Goku's body through a reflection in the water) Fantastic, a little too pink and hairy in odd places, but I'll grow into it.
"What places?" Erza's face turned red as her mind raced frantically.
JEICE: So, what's the plan, cap'n?
GINYU: Well, first off, we have to touch on Frieza's balls.
"Really?" Evergreen lowered her brows.
"They couldn't miss the joke," Carla sighed.
JEICE: (after an awkward pause) Uh, sir...
GINYU: Yes, yes. Realized the moment I said it.
"Then don't make the mistake again," Evergreen commanded.
(cuts to Vegeta washing his face inside Frieza's ship)
VEGETA: (thinking) Alright, get your act together. Hundred times gravity? That's for pussies. The only reason he took those jokers out was because I loosened them up for him.
"Vegeta's showing his insecurities again," Lisanna sang.
VEGETA: Like a jar of Space Pickles. Ugly, stupid Space Pickles! (puts on new armor) I just gotta get those Dragon Balls. And if it's anything like that jockstrap incident, Ginyu probably buried them somewhere around here…
"Do we want to know about the jockstrap incident?" Gray asked.
"No," Everyone's immediate answer arrived.
KRILLIN: (off-screen) Hey Gohan, I think they're buried somewhere around here.
VEGETA: (thinking) Well...at least I'll have something to put back in the hole.
"Team Three Star already disbanded?" Wendy frowned.
(cuts to outside Frieza's ship)
KRILLIN: Dig like there's no tomorrow!
VEGETA: (thinking) Okay, the second they summon the dragon, I'll swoop in and break the bald one's neck! Totally gonna yell "Team Three Star" when I do it, too. Oh, I can see it now... TEAM THREE STAR! (a splattering sound is heard along with Krillin crying out in pain) Amazing.
"Actually would be hilarious," Laxus said.
"Again, a lot of hate generated towards Krillin specifically," Lisanna sweatdropped.
(Gohan and Krillin had just finished digging up the Dragon Balls)
GOHAN: We found them! Krillin, we really did it!
KRILLIN: Finally! Now let's hurry up and wish back Piccolo, Tenshinhan, and Chiaotzu.
GOHAN: What about Yamcha?
"What ABOUT Yamcha?" Gajeel asked.
KRILLIN: What about Yamcha.
VEGETA: (thinking) I don't know what this "Yamcha" is, but it sounds just like Raditz.
"A giant disappointment," Gajeel agreed with the comparison.
KRILLIN: Eternal Dragon... Rise up and grant our wish!
(nothing happens)
"What?" Everyone was confused.
GOHAN: It's not working. Is that what you're supposed to say?
KRILLIN: Honestly, that's always been pretty vague. Usually just gather 'em together and then out pops the magic dragon.
"Maybe it's something different on Namek?" Lucy wondered.
GOHAN: Maybe there's something special about Namekian Dragon Balls.
KRILLIN: Huh. Maybe if I sing to it. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves...
"I'll snap his neck," Laxus said nonchalantly.
GOHAN: Actually, Krillin, I was thinking something else. Maybe the only way to summon it is to call it in its native language.
"So, that's Dende's purpose," Levy realized.
KRILLIN: I don't speak German! And the only person I know who does was the toilet... And it's dead... God rest his seat.
"May he rest in peace," Natsu prayed.
(Vegeta then senses Ginyu and Jeice approaching Frieza's ship)
VEGETA: (thinking) Agh! What? Oh, you can't be serious...!
GOHAN: Huh? Hey Krillin, I feel two power levels coming this way. You don't think my dad failed, do you?
"He got caught off guard," Erza said, sadly.
"I still don't understand why these people don't just dodge?" Evergreen couldn't grasp it.
KRILLIN: No way, Gohan, your dad's the best! But on the off-chance, HIDE YOURSELF! (takes Gohan and hides behind a rock)
"Nice faith ya got there," Levy was sarcastic.
(Ginyu and Jeice arrive at Frieza's ship)
JEICE: Oi! Cap'n! Someone's dug up the balls!
GINYU: Well then, someone's in for the beating of their life.
"Sounds so off putting with Goku's voice," Natsu frowned.
"There was Turles, but this is just more weird," Lucy agreed.
KRILLIN: Hey, Goku! Check it out, we dug up the Dragon Balls! How ya doin'? D'you win that fight against the Ginyu guy? Why's that Space New Zealand guy here?
"So you're blind and deaf," Laxus summed up.
JEICE: Aw, what the fu-
KRILLIN: And what's up with the scouter? Do you happen to know anybody who speaks German? (gets bitch-slapped by Ginyu) AHAGH!
(Krillin Owned Count: 13)
KRILLIN: Augh! And what was that about?
"That isn't your friend, Krillin," Lily warned.
GOHAN: Krillin, that's not my dad!
"Someone gets it," Lily was thankful for Gohan.
(Ginyu smirked evilly)
KRILLIN: Gohan, of course it's your dad. Goku, what's your favorite food?
GINYU: Waldorf salad.
KRILLIN: See? Double Baconator- Oh, s**t.
"GOKU DOESN'T EAT VEGETABLES YOU IMPOSTER!" Natsu pointed at the screen.
GINYU: You see, I've acquired the body of your former associate... "Goku", was it? And with that, I've gained his power level of one hundred and eighty thousand.
"Can't wait to see how you screw this up," Gajeel said.
"That's...really all we're doing isn't it?" Levy asked.
KRILLIN: That's... that's horrible!
GINYU: Quite. I'm sure you understand now the situation you're in...
KRILLIN: That is identity theft! We're gonna sue the crap out of you!
"Yeah!" Natsu agreed.
GINYU: You can't sue me if I kill you...
KRILLIN: No; then, you'll get put on trial for murder. Ha! (gets hit) Gah!
GOHAN: (gets hit) Aah!
"I don't think the court is gonna solve this problem," Lucy sweatdropped.
(Ginyu is seen beating down both Krillin and Gohan in the air. Jeice's scouter suddenly starts beeping)
"Fight back!" Gray shouted.
"He looks like Goku, but it's not Goku! So, fight back!" Natsu yelled.
JEICE: Huh? (notices Goku arriving at the scene) Uh, cap'n? You're here...
GINYU: What the devil are you...? (notices Goku's arrival) Oh. Aw, look what the space cat regurgitated!
"And he's here to kick ass!" Natsu shouted.
"Gonna be difficult with the hole in his chest," Lucy sweatdropped.
GOKU: Hey, Gohan. Hey, Krillin. Hey, Goku.
GOHAN: D-Dad?
GINYU: I'm surprised you're still kicking. How's that wound treating you?
"Jackass," Bickslow grumbled.
GOKU: This is easily the second-worst hole I've ever had in my chest. It's gonna take, like, a million mommy kisses to make it better…
"Second?" Levy wondered what the first one was.
KRILLIN: Gohan, we may have a chance now, but you'll have to give it your all. Remember, he may look like your dad, but you can absolutely not hold back...
GOHAN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! (charges forward and starts beating up Ginyu) Abandoned me for a year with Piccolo, sent me off into space, and the next time I get to see you, you lost your damn body!? YOU'RE NOT EVEN YOU ANYMORE!
Everyone was shocked at Gohan's sudden outburst.
"To be fair, he didn't send you to space and the situation with Piccolo was out of his control," Levy defended.
GOKU: I don't know where he gets that from.
"His mother," Mira answered.
GINYU: Uagh! This is absurd! His power level was a league above my own when we fought! What the blazes is going on?
"You don't know how to use that body," Erza smirked.
"And it must still suck to be weaker than a 5-year old," Gray smirked.
GOKU: Ha ha! You don't know any of my techniques!
GINYU: What techniques? Tell me!
GOKU: I'm not gonna tell you how to use the Kaio-ken!
GINYU: Kaio-wha-? (gets kicked by Gohan and Krillin at the same time) UAGH!
"Ah, it's been a while," Levy smiled, blissfully.
GINYU: Uah! Jeice! (JEICE: Huh?) If you're not too busy standing there like a slack-jawed idiot, I could use your help!
GOKU: Wait... If I'm Ginyu now, does that mean you have to listen to me?
"Yeah!" Happy raised a paw.
JEICE: No.
"Aw…" He lowered his paw.
GOKU: Oh... Well then, what about him?
(Vegeta appears behind Jeice)
VEGETA: Good day, mate. (Jeice looks at Vegeta and starts whimpering)
"And Vegeta joins the fight!" Lisanna sang.
(cuts to Frieza and Nail flying in the sky)
FRIEZA: So... We've been flying for about twenty minutes now... Got any family...? Because if so, I probably killed them. (Nail does not respond) Really? Nothing to that...? You're no fun.
"Shouldn't have killed everyone then," Erza folded her arms.
(cuts to Vegeta and Jeice exchanging blows in the air)
VEGETA: Hey Jeice, I've killed every single one of Frieza's flunkies I've gone up against so far, six in total! How would you like to be number seven?
"Just realized Vegeta has the highest body count out of any other character," Freed said.
"Didn't Frieza blow up a planet?" Bickslow brought up.
"Ok, the 2nd highest count," Freed corrected.
JEICE: Piss off, you bloody monkey! (lands a punch on Vegeta, sending him flying a few feet back)
VEGETA: (doesn't seem that harmed) Thank you, sir. May I have another?
JEICE: What the hell happened to you? You were not this strong when you fought Recoome!
"Saiyan power boosts!" Levy grinned.
VEGETA: (holds up the Official Saiyan Handbook) Looks like YOU have some required reading to do.
JEICE: (heard flipping pages through the handbook) Alright, let's see here... Okay, full moon...lose your tails...stronger every time you... (stunned pause) Oh. (lowers the book) Well, I'm right f**ked, aren't I?
VEGETA: Right in the down-under.
(Vegeta kicks Jeice into the air and then chops him in the ribs. Vegeta then puts his hand in front of Jeice's face.)
JEICE: (thinking) Clever girl... (Vegeta obliterates him with a huge ki blast)
"I get the 'down-under' part now," Lisanna realized.
GINYU: NO! JEICE! All of my men...I'm the only one left... Please, all of you...just...just allow me a customary moment of silence.
VEGETA: (first heard faintly but gets louder) MinemineminemineminemineMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE! (hits Ginyu to the ground)
"It was a moment," Lucy smiled, nervously.
"A very brief moment," Juvia sweatdropped.
VEGETA: Hahaha! The best part about this? I get to kill both Ginyu AND Kakarot at the same time!
GINYU: Wait, who's Kakarot?
VEGETA: You're Kakarot.
"But, he's Ginyu," Wendy was confused.
GINYU: I thought his name was Goku.
"It is Goku," Erza said.
KRILLIN: His name is Goku!
VEGETA: No, it's Kakarot.
"No, it's Goku!" Natsu countered.
GINYU: But he just said Goku.
KRILLIN: Yeah, I did.
VEGETA: I know what he said, but he-
GINYU: So what is it? Kakarot or Goku?
VEGETA: (simultaneously) It's Kakarot!
KRILLIN: (simultaneously) It's Goku!
VEGETA: No, no, no! Just...look. His Saiyan name is Kakarot, but he changed it when he landed on Earth as a baby. So they kept calling him by his Earth name, and I am calling him by his real name!
"Could've just said that a first," Laxus groaned.
GOKU: ...So does that make me Ginyu?
Cue massive facepalming.
(Vegeta screams and starts charging full speed at Ginyu)
GINYU: (thinking) Yes... YES...! PERFECT! (out loud) Change.. NOW!
(fires an energy blast at Vegeta)
VEGETA: Gah!
GOKU: (leaps in the way of the blast) No! I'll save you, Goku!
(Goku gets hit with the beam, changing both sides back to their original bodies)
"At least everything worked out," Lisanna shrugged her shoulders.
GOHAN: What just happened?
KRILLIN: I don't know.
"Everything is back to normal," Erza explained.
GOKU: (weakly, back in his own body) Yay...! I'm me again...!
KRILLIN: Wait, Goku... What is your favorite food?
GOKU: (confused) Favorite?
KRILLIN/Natsu: HE'S HIM AGAIN!
CAPTAIN GINYU: (back in his own body) This is ridiculous! But, at least I'm not trapped in some useless body. (notices Goku's crippled body)
(Vegeta appears behind Ginyu)
"You're about to be," Gajeel smirked.
VEGETA: Gimme a minute... (gives Captain Ginyu a vicious beatdown)
GOHAN: So, I'm confused... Ginyu took my dad's body, but then he tried to take Vegeta's body... And now he's back in his own body, my dad's back in his own body, and Vegeta's…
"Still a massive asshole," Gray said.
KRILLIN: Still a prick, yeah.
VEGETA: Now, to switch your body to a CORPSE!
(Vegeta throws Captain Ginyu into the sky and then charges after him. Captain Ginyu manages to recover in time and prepares his Body Change technique.)
"Might need to dodge that one," Lily said.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Chaaaange...
VEGETA: (thinking) Ah crap, kinda walked into this one.
CAPTAIN GINYU: ...NOW!
(Captain Ginyu fires a beam at Vegeta, the latter being unable to dodge in time. Goku is then seen holding a frog in his hand.)
GOKU: (speaking in slow motion) Ewwww, a frog!
(Goku throws the frog towards Vegeta. The beam connects at the frog, causing both sides to switch bodies.)
FROG: (in Ginyu's body) Ribbit. Ribbit. Croak.
"And Goku unintentionally saves the day again," Lucy smiled.
"Not gonna be last time," Carla guessed.
VEGETA: The hell just happened?
GOKU: A frog got on my hand. It was gross, so I threw it.
"Such a simple reason," Lisanna giggled.
GOHAN: So then, is it over? Are they all gone now?
VEGETA: (placing his foot on top of frog Ginyu who croaks a few times) They will be in a second.
GOKU: Vegeta, no! He can't hurt anyone anymore! Stop!
"Yeah, no point in killing him," Natsu smiled.
VEGETA: Oh, alright. Fine!
GOKU: See? He really can be a nice guy!
VEGETA: Psyche! Eight-for-eight! (crushes frog)
GOKU, GOHAN, & KRILLIN: Awww!
"Yeah...it was too good to be true." Gajeel shrugged his shoulders.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to Frieza and Nail still flying in the sky)
FRIEZA: Oh, I know. How 'bout a good old-fashioned joke? How many Namekians does it take to screw in a light bulb? The whole race! One to screw in the light bulb, and the rest to die. And then the other one dies too. (no response from Nail) Stop ignoring me.
"It wasn't funny at all," Lucy frowned.
"A very poor attempt at a joke," Erza said.
Chapter End