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Chapter 37: Leave it to Freezer
(shows Vegeta on the ground, with a sizzling hole in his chest from where he was pierced by Frieza's Death Beam)
GOKU: Vegeta, no!
GOHAN: Vegeta, no!
"Vegeta, no!" Natsu joined in.
KRILLIN: Don't worry, Little Green'll…
"You just forgot didn't you?" Carla asked, sarcastically.
KRILLIN: (notices Dende's corpse) Oh. Vegeta, no!
PICCOLO: (after a short silence) Meh. (rolls his eyes)
"Meh," Both Laxus and Gajeel responded.
GOKU: Are you all right?
VEGETA: (weakly) I have a f**king hole in my chest. Why didn't you block that one?!
GOKU: I thought you had it.
"HOW!?" Lucy was baffled.
Erza facepalms in embarrassment and irritation.
VEGETA: (weakly) NO!
FRIEZA: It's funny how he's still talking, I could have sworn I hit a lung. (Vegeta coughs blood) Oh, there it is.
"Usually takes a while," Gajeel shrugged his shoulders. Levy looked at him concerned.
"I've had a fractured lung before," Gajeel replied. That didn't make her feel better.
VEGETA: (weakly) Kakarot, if you're ever going to listen to anything I have to say, do it now.
"He has listened to you before, he's just too stupid to comprehend shit," Gray said.
GOKU: What is it, Vegeta?
VEGETA: (weakly) I've lived my entire life under Frieza's rule. My entire kingdom, my race, was enslaved to his bidding.
The mages started to feel bad hearing Vegeta's words. Erza especially, thinking back to her own past for a bit.
GOKU: I understand now. If it weren't for Freezer, you wouldn't be-
VEGETA: (weakly) Dying? No.
GOKU: I was gonna say evil.
VEGETA: Oh, no. I'd definitely still be evil. If this situation were reversed, this conversation would never have happened. You'd be dead, and I'd be laughing. (laughs weakly) Oh, it hurts to laugh.
And they stopped feeling bad for him immediately.
"So, what's the point of telling him this then?" Mira asked.
GOKU: So, why are you telling me this?
VEGETA: (weakly) Because, Kakarot, you are our race's last hope. You are the last remaining Saiyan. (opens both eyes in shock) Oh, God, you're the last remaining Saiyan. (makes a final wheeze and goes limp)
"And even before he died, reality preceded to kick him one last time," Makarov sighed.
"I'd be pretty scared if Goku was the last remaining member of my race," Gray said.
"What about Gohan?" Mira asked.
"Half saiyans don't count," Levy replied.
GOKU: Vegeta... you...
(Goku blasts a hole in the ground with a Kiai and then picks up Vegeta's corpse)
GOKU: Come on. You deserve a proper burial.
"Really?" Many of the mages raised an eyebrow.
FRIEZA: Oh yes, a proper burial: an unmarked grave on an empty planet in the middle of nowhere space. Honestly, I'd say it's too good for him.
"It is too good for him," Laxus begrudgingly agreed.
(Goku buries Vegeta inside the hole)
GOKU: I'll make sure to give Freezer one for you, best buddy. (stands up) Goodbye.
"Guess even Goku can be the sentiment type," Freed observed.
"Even to someone like Vegeta he shows his compassion," Erza;s respect grows even more.
FRIEZA: Come now, I'm sure he's in a better place.
"Are we talking about the same prince?" Lucy was skeptical.
FRIEZA: Oh, who am I kidding? He's probably in Hell.
"Without question," Lily agreed.
GOKU: I don't know. I went to Hell once. The only real bad parts were these two-oiled up German guys trying to wrestle me.
FRIEZA: (stares blankly) ...Are you real?
"I've asked that same question when I first met Natsu," Laxus' face twisted into an annoyed expression.
"HEY!" The dragon slayer took offense.
GOKU: But now, I know what I have to do. I have to stop you! You're a heartless monster who kills everyone in his way... even children!
"That's right! Show Freezer how it's done Fairy Tail style!" Natsu shouted. The other members agreed wholeheartedly.
FRIEZA: Oh please, everyone's always on about the children. I already tried leaving them alive, but all they do is grow up under my rule or dedicate their pathetic lives to revenge. Usually both. Really, killing them is a kindness. I can retract that kindness if you wish. But then who's the villain?
"Y-you?" Natsu, Happy, and Wendy replied confused.
GOKU: (totally lost) Y-You.
FRIEZA: N-No. That was a rhetorical question.
GOKU: And I gave you a rhetorical answer.
"I have never been more thankful for him being an idiot," Gajeel laughed.
FRIEZA: Good lord, I traded Vegeta for this.
"At least with Vegeta, he was able to make snarky comebacks. But, with Goku it's physically impossible," Levy sweatdropped.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
GOKU: Gohan, Krillin, Piccolo, get on out of here! I'll take Freezer myself.
GOHAN: But Dad-
GOKU: No buts! Piccolo, you take care of Gohan.
Lisanna turned to her sister, but was cut off.
"As long as he gets Gohan away from that monster then I don't care," Mira told her youngest sibling.
PICCOLO: So, keep doing what I've been doing, then?
"Being an uncle? Yes," Erza folded her arms, satisfied.
GOKU: Yuh-huh!
PICCOLO: Yeah, I figured. Let's go! (flies off)
KRILLIN: (while flying off) Oh, thank God!
"Yeah! You're safe now Krillin," Wendy smiled.
GOHAN: Dad, beat him within an inch of his life... and hang him up by his entrails! (flies off)
"He's been around Piccolo too much," Mira sweatdropped.
GOKU: (thinking) Wow, he sounds like he's had a hard time. Piccolo should really have a talk with him.
"Having a talk with any of you might do more harm than good," Lucy sweatdropped.
FRIEZA: I see. Sending your friends off to fight me all on your own. How gutless.
"In what world?" Makarov asked.
GOKU: What? How is that gutless?
FRIEZA: Because, suicide is the coward's way out.
Erza growled at Frieza.
GOKU: Can we fight now?
"Yeah, can you fight now?" Natsu asked impatiently.
FRIEZA: Son of a... Yes!
(Goku charges forward and swings at Frieza, who dodges and swipes at Goku with his tail. Frieza launches a Death Cannon at Goku)
GOKU: (thinking) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA!
(Goku launches himself out of the ground with a Kamehameha, causing Frieza's Death Cannon to hit the ground and produce a huge explosion. Goku is seen floating inside the smoke while Frieza tries to shoot him with multiple eye beams.)
GOKU: Hey, wait a minute... They're all missing! He can't sense my energy. Ha-ha! You can't sense my energy!
"He'll find you if you keep shouting, you dumbass!" Evergreen yelled.
FRIEZA: No, but I can hear you, moron! (appears behind Goku)
GOKU: (thinking) *gasp* He has bat-vision!
"You're just stupidly loud!" The mages shouted.
(Frieza starts to chase Goku down while continuously firing eye beams at him. Goku then dodges an eye beam, which hits the ground and shows a small visible hole.)
GOKU: Ha! You missed!
FRIEZA: Or did I?
"Yeah," Natsu nodded.
GOKU: Yeah, you did.
FRIEZA: Well, no, I really did-
GOKU: You see? Not a hole on me!
"He wasn't aiming for you," Lily tried explaining.
FRIEZA: I wasn't trying to-
GOKU: You should really work on your aim.
"He honestly makes it difficult," Lucy messaged her forehead.
"Just like Natsu, huh?" Happy laughed.
"Too much like him," Lucy sighed.
FRIEZA: You know what? I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to let this next part be a surprise.
GOKU: What part- (lava erupts from the ground) WAH! Hot lava!
"I doubt it's as hot as my flames!" Natsu ignited his fist.
FRIEZA: Ha! Now what do you have to say?
GOKU: MY BUTT IS FLAMING!
"This is our hero," Makarov sighed in acceptance.
FRIEZA: (shorts silence before looking down to the side) I miss Zarbon...
"You can go join him," Gajeel remarked.
GOKU: Wow, that was close. I was almost out of the frying pan and into the... lava.
FRIEZA: (completely dumbfounded) How do you function?
"Like a broken record with a mouth," Laxus groaned.
"Funny you say that," Levy chuckled nervously.
GOKU: Hey, I'm just like any other guy. I pay my taxes one leg at a time.
"You pay taxes?" Everyone was baffled by this.
FRIEZA: (stares at Goku with loathing) ... I'm going to drown you. I'm going to drown you like a sack of dumb puppies.
"Why would you drown puppies!?" Lisanna and Wendy shout, horrified.
GOKU: What? Why would you drown puppies?
FRIEZA: Because they're cute and cuddly.
GOKU: Are... you coming on to me?
"I would hope not," Erza frowned.
"Of course you would," Canna smirked. Erza glared at the drunken mage.
FRIEZA: Grrr...!
(Frieza kicks Goku down into the water. Goku is seen underwater with his head stuck in a hole but manages to free himself and swims upward before crossing his arms)
GOKU: (thinking) Ah, man. This guy's strong! I've gotta catch him by surprise.
"Attack him with a drop kick!" Natsu pumped his fist.
"No...he'd definitely see that coming," Lucy sweatdropped.
GOKU: (remembers Frieza's earlier assault in the air) Wait, he can't sense my energy. I know! Kamehameha! (charges up two ki waves: his Twin Dragon Shot) This is the best idea I've ever had. Second only to the double baconwich; a sandwich with bacon instead of bread.
"Wait did Goku just use his brain?" Lucy asked, while she gave Natsu her sandwich(Mira made snacks).
"I doubt he has one," Evergreen looked defiant at the thought.
"I mean...he had to at some point," Levy shrugged her shoulders.
FRIEZA: (floating above the water, waiting for Goku) Come now, I've waited long enough! I know it's something new to you, monkey, but it's called a bath.
"He's bathed before," Erza defended.
GOKU: (thinking) Go, my children. (launches the first blast)
FRIEZA: What? (dodges the first blast) That's just distracting! (dodges the second blast) Gah! And that's just annoyingly distracting!
GOKU: (in distance) Geronimo! (hits Frieza with a dropkick, launching him into a pile of rocks)
"OH YEAH! HE GOT HIM WITH A DROP KICK!" Natsu jumped up, and laughed.
"I can't believe he actually pulled off a drop kick," Lucy said, baffled.
GOKU: 'Bout time someone kicked you to the curb! Nice work, brain.
BRAIN: You're welcome.
"WHAT THE HELL!?" Evergreen was in complete shock. Elfman giggled to himself until he felt Evergreen's chilling glare directed at him.
(Frieza breaks out of the rubble with an explosion and starts exercising his neck, with Orpheus falling out of his left ear)
ORPHEUS: Hey, man!
"Hey crab," Happy greeted.
(Frieza jumps onto a cliff while Goku lands on the ground)
FRIEZA: You're a cheeky little monkey, what with your silly martial arts. But you know what the difference between you and I is?
"Are we talking about race?" Lisanna inquired.
FRIEZA: You can punch a board and it will break in half. I can punch a board and wipe out its entire race.
A slight chill ran through the audience.
GOKU: But can you block?
And that chill vanished very quickly.
FRIEZA: (stares at Goku with a deadpan expression) ... I'd like you to meet my friend.
GOKU: A friend? Is he nice?
"I like making friends," Wendy smiled brightly.
FRIEZA: Rock solid. (Frieza raises a giant rock out of the ground using telekinesis) Filthy monkey, meet General Mountain!
"I don't know about that friend though," Wendy chuckled nervously.
GOKU: Hi, General Mountain! My name's Go- (gets hit by the giant rock and crashes into a wall)
GOKU: (muffled) I'm sorry, Mr. Mountain. (bursts out of the mountain and then takes a breath before Frieza appears above him.)
FRIEZA: Want to play a game?
"Against his better judgement, he'll accept," Lucy said.
GOKU: (slowly) Yes.
(Frieza traps Goku inside an energy sphere and proceeds to knock him around back and forth, making pinball sound effects, before launching him to the ground, emitting a huge explosion.)
"That didn't look very fun," Happy looked displeased.
"I doubt it was painless," Carla said.
(shifts to an outside shot of Planet Namek and shows a high score screen (which is just everyone's power levels), with Frieza being on top. Frieza enters his name as "ASS".)
"I agree, he's a giant ass," Gajeel said.
FRIEZA: Ha!
(cut back to the battle where Frieza is seen floating above a sandy wasteland)
FRIEZA: So how did you like that game, monkey?
GOKU: (flies back to Frieza, unharmed) Eh, it was okay.
FRIEZA: Wha...? You...?
"Goku's the first person to make him like this," Erza took pleasure in that.
"I'm surprised he hasn't had a brain aneurysm yet," Gray was a bit shocked.
GOKU: It's not Donkey Kong, though. That has a pie level.
(Frieza gives off a wide-eyed stare and then leans forward, making a creaking sound)
"And he's officially broken," Levy laughed.
(cut to Bulma drinking seawater from a lake)
BULMA: Oh, God, that was so refreshing. Too bad it was all saltwater, though. (falls over)
"WHY!?" Everyone shouted.
(cut back to the battlefield where Goku and Frieza land in another area)
FRIEZA: Alright then, how about this for another game? I'll fight without using either of my hands.
"Arrogant," Erza scoffed.
GOKU: Okay. Then I'll fight without using my shirt. (starts to remove his shirt)
"And he's just dumb," Evergreen said.
FRIEZA: I think you're missing the point.
GOKU: (drops his shirt) Fight time now!
(Goku and Frieza fight for a bit, with Frieza only using his legs to attack Goku. Frieza then tries to hit Goku with his tail, but Goku manages to grab it.)
GOKU: Ha-ha! Got your tail!
"That can be a weakness," Levy noted.
"It was for saiyans," Gajeel added.
FRIEZA: What are you-? Do you think this is a game?
GOKU: Well you... you said it was a game.
"He wasn't being literal," Laxus groaned.
FRIEZA: I was being coy, you imbecile! I'm trying to kill- Aaaah! (Goku starts screaming and begins to swing him around) What are you doing?! Stop it! Stop it now or I'm going to... to... ugh... guh…
(cut to Piccolo, Gohan, and Krillin)
FRIEZA: (in distance) (makes a retching sound)
KRILLIN: (as he sees something approaching his face) Huh. What's that?
(Frieza's puke flies directly at Krillin's face. Cut to an outside shot of Planet Namek.)
Everybody blanched at the puke hitting Krillin's face.
KRILLIN: GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSS!
(Krillin Owned Count: 27)
(cut back to the battlefield)
GOKU: Yah!
(Goku throws Frieza in the distance, but Frieza disappears)
GOKU: (thinking) Ah! He's gone! I'll have to keep on guard. All my vital areas. (Frieza reappears and grabs Goku's neck with his tail) Oh, no! My neck! My most vital area!
"You guarded everywhere, but the neck," Makarov criticized.
FRIEZA: Oh, what's wrong? Don't have anything cute to say this time? (Goku starts choking and drops down on one knee) Adorable!
The guild frowned at Frieza's smugness.
GOKU: (thinking) He's gonna choke me to death! Quick, Goku, use your instincts! (bites Frieza's tail)
Some members laughed at Goku's idea.
"When in doubt, just bite em!" Natsu agreed.
FRIEZA: (shows Frieza's left eye as the screen cracks) GAH! (releases Goku) Son of a... Mother... F*CK! (punches Goku, knocking him back a few feet)
GOKU: Augh! You punched me in the face!
FRIEZA: You bit my tail!
GOKU: You punched me in the face!
"Yes, those both equate to the same thing," Mira giggled.
FRIEZA: YOU BIT MY F*CKING TAIL!
GOKU: Yeah, well, I still haven't used my shirt! Does that mean I win?
"In Gray's case yeah," Canna laughed. Gray looked down and realized he's missing his clothes.
(pause)
FRIEZA: (going insane) ...Yes. Yes! You win!
GOKU: *gasps* What do I win?
FRIEZA: Another bath!
"But, he's not dirty," Wendy said, confused.
GOKU: But I'm not dirt-
(cut to Frieza drowning Goku underwater with his foot)
"Oh," Her frown deepened.
FRIEZA: Just tell me when you need to come up for air.
GOKU: (thinking) Crap. Lungs... filling with water. Muscles... hurting. Brain, status report!
BRAIN: (makes mumbling sounds) ...Frozen peas…
"Yeah, that was a lost cause," Evergreen sighed.
GOKU: Well, that's not good. That's not... good... at all...
(the camera completely blacks out as Goku loses consciousness)
VEGETA: (in a ghostly voice) Kakarot... Kakarot..
"Wait Vegeta?" Everyone was shocked.
VEGETA: Kaka- (in normal voice) Ah, you know what? Screw this. Wake up, dumbass!
GOKU: (suddenly wakes up) Huh? Ve-Vegeta?
VEGETA: (appears as a ghost) You're failing your race, Kakarot. Frieza's unlike any opponent you've ever faced. You need to embrace your heritage; become the Saiyan that you were meant to be-
"Why is he naked?" Natsu asked. All of the mages were confused by Vegeta's nudity.
GOKU: Why are you naked?
VEGETA: What?
GOKU: You're naked. (shows Vegeta fully naked with his tail) Why?
VEGETA: Idiot, you don't take your clothes with you when you die.
"I'm pretty sure everyone took their clothes with them when they died," Levy sweatdropped.
GOKU: Well, I did.
VEGETA: What?
GOKU: Yeah. even had my weighted clothes on too. And I didn't even die in those. Huh
VEGETA: That lying red motherf*cker!
Everyone laughed at Vegeta's anger.
VEGETA: Anyway listen, Kakarot. Inside you is the primal burning fury of the Saiyan race. Like a wild raging Ōzaru, you must unleash it, Kakarot!
"That was kinda poetic," Lisanna loved it.
GOKU: So... Do I gotta throw my poo at him?
"I would hope not," Lucy's face turned green.
VEGETA: Oh for God's-! Just use your stupid Kaio-whatever!
"That counts!" Levy smiled.
GOKU: Oh, okay! Thanks, Vegeta!
VEGETA: F**k off. I'm gonna go get my clothes back. (disappears)
(cut back to Frieza above the water still drowning Goku with his foot)
FRIEZA: So, any last words, monkey? You know, besides "gurgle, gurgle"?
(Goku bursts out of the water, startling Frieza)
GOKU: Yeah! (powers up to Kaio-Ken) Kaio-Ken!
FRIEZA: Kaio-what-? (Goku punches him away) Gah!
"Two in one episode!" Levy cheered.
GOKU: Ka... Me... Ha... Me... HA!
(Goku launches a huge x.20 Kaio-Ken Kamehameha at Frieza. Frieza blocks the attack head-on by extending his hand. The blast connects and causes an enormous shockwave, turning the whole area into sand dunes. Goku is seen in midair catching his breath.)
"THAT WAS SO FREAKING AWESOME!" The guild were amazed by Goku's attack.
FRIEZA: No seriously, Kaio-what?
"And that's three in one…" Levy said less enthusiastically.
GOKU: Kaio-crap...!
FRIEZA: I thought so. (blasts Goku away)
The guild winced from the hit.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to Earth's Check-In Station in the afterlife)
BLUE OGRE: (off-screen) Attention! Any sin you commit before being judged will be used against you.
KING YEMMA: Next... strip. Next... strip. Next... strip. (stops and leans forward) Nice!
RECOOME: (off-screen) Recoome thanks you.
"Is he allowed to do that?" Lucy asked.
"I mean, who's gonna stop him?" Gray responded.
Chapter End