Chapter 40: Freeza: The Final Cut(Part 2)

(cut to Porunga emerging from the water, now back to life, before shifting to Guru's house)

GURU: (wakes up) Aaaah! Oh. Oh... right. I stopped my heart for a couple minutes there.

"Dick," Gajeel looked in disbelief.

GURU: (notices the destruction of Namek) Oh, God, global warming? NAAAAAIIILLLL!

"He's in Piccolo now," Mira said, completely aware of what she said.

"You could word that better," Gray gagged.

(cut to a Namekian village where all of Namekians are waking up, being brought back to life by Shenron)

MOURI: Ah, why is my neck so stiff?

Wendy frowned, remembering how he died.

(cut to Vegeta's grave)

VEGETA: (makes muffled noises as he emerges from his grave) When there's no more room in hell, VEGETA SHALL WALK THE... (turns around notices the destruction of Namek) ...other hell, what the hell?

"Welcome back to the world of living, sweet prince," Freed greets.

"Now we gotta deal with more of his shit," Laxus grunted.

VEGETA: (thinking) Well, I have my clothes back- so at least that's a start. Am I alive? (punches himself in the ribs) Argh! Augh! (falls on the ground) Yay! I'm alive! (coughs blood at the ground)

(cut to Dende)

DENDE: (wakes up and gets on his feet) I'm alive? I'm alive! And... (notices Porunga in the distance) And I have an idea.

"Welcome back Little Green!" Natsu and Happy cheered.

(cut to Frieza ramming straight into Goku and burying him in a hole hundreds of feet underground before jumping out of the hole, which explodes with lava)

"That had to hurt," Lucy winced.

FRIEZA: Well, now you're Super Saiyan soup, high in vitamin dumbass! (laughs and looks up at the sky) Huh? Oh, God, what's up with the sky? This planet really is about to blow. I give it like... two minutes tops.

"Why do I feel like Frieza can't tell time?" Erza asked.

"Because five minutes have already passed," Levy answered.

FRIEZA: I better get to my ship and- (gets kneed in the face by Goku) Stop that! Stop not dying! You think you're better than me? You're nothing but an overgrown monkey!

"And you're the biggest racist I've ever seen," Lily glared.

GOKU: And you're nothing but an overgrown that thing Chi-Chi keeps in her drawer!

"With you as a husband, I completely understand why she has that," Evergreen pushed her glasses up.

GOKU: (thinking) Man, Freezer's stronger than ever at a hundred percent. I'll have to stratergize. I know, a distraction! (out loud to Frieza) Hey look, Freezer! A giant dragon! (referring to Porunga)

"You dumbass," The intelligent members of the guild facepalmed at once.

FRIEZA: What? (looks and sees Porunga) Well, I'll be damned! Immortality is mine! (Flies off)

GOKU: (thinking) Oh, I am become error. (flies after Frieza)

"You've been one," Carla muttered.

(Goku manages to catch up to Frieza and once again engages him in battle)

FRIEZA: Will you just piss off already!?

GOKU: I don't have to use the bathroom!

"I do," Happy raised his paw.

"We didn't need to know that, Happy," Lucy sweatdropped.

(cut to Vegeta flying in the sky)

VEGETA: (thinking) All right, I know one of the Ginyu's ships must be around here somewhe- (sees Goku and Frieza battling it out) Yeah, I think I'ma stay away from that one.

"Best idea you've had this entire season," Gajeel said.

VEGETA: (sees Porunga) That, however. Mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine...

(cut to Frieza dodging Goku's attacks and proceeds to kick him in his *ahem* "Gotens")

The men winced at the hit.

GOKU: Ah, my Gotens!

FRIEZA: Filthy wish dragon, grant me immortality as so I may rid myself of these vile creatures, and secure myself as ruler of all creation!

"He can't speak Namekian," Levy shrugged.

"And thank goodness for that," Lucy smiled.

PORUNGA: (in Namekian/Klingon) Your wish has been granted.

(Namekians start disappearing)

FRIEZA: What? No! This isn't what I wished for! What's going on?!

DENDE: (off-screen) Down here!

(Frieza looks down and sees, Dende, who's beaming proudly)

"LET'S GO LITTLE GREEN!" The guild cheered loudly.

FRIEZA: You! No... No, you didn't!

DENDE: So what if I did? What are you gonna do about it, huh? Come at me, bro!

FRIEZA: Hyah! (fires a blast at Dende, but the latter poofs away before it hits)

The guild laughed at the short exchange.

VEGETA: Hey Frieza! Hope you're ready to party, because it's Vegeta clo-

"You've had enough screen time," Gajeel said.

(Vegeta disappears before he can attack Frieza. It then shows Guru, Piccolo, Bulma, and Gohan, disappearing before Porunga rises in the sky and vanishes in the sky.)

FRIEZA: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NOOOOOOO... (all seven Dragon Balls rise in the sky and get separated) What just happened? Where did they all go?

"Like all my hopes and dreams, they just vanished," Macao shook his head.

GOKU: Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I'm actually just as lost as you.

"Why didn't you teleport away?" Levy asked.

(cut to Earth)

BULMA: (thinking) Huh? Are we...? (out loud) Huh?

"You're home!" Wendy was happy.

(Gohan appears on a tree)

GOHAN: Bulma!

BULMA: Gohan! What do you think happened?

GOHAN: I don't know. We just disappeared all of a sudden.

DENDE: (thinking) Ahhh, it's good to be the king.

"He can be as smug as he wants, he saved everyone," Bickslow said.

"But, Goku's still there," Freed reminded.

KING KAI: (telepathically) Hello? Who am I speaking to right now?

"Little Green," Natsu answered.

DENDE: (telepathically) My name is Dende.

KING KAI: (telepathically) Dende? Are you the one who made the wish on the dragon?

DENDE: (telepathically) I am.

KING KAI: (telepathically) How the hell did you know my plan?

"Because screw Frieza," Laxus answered.

DENDE: (telepathically) What plan? I just wanted to screw over Frieza.

"I'm really starting to like this kid," Laxus smirked.

(cut back to Namek)

GOKU: You know, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not immortal, either. And I'm okay with that.

"And thank God you aren't." Lucy was relieved.

"The universe can only take his stupidity for one lifetime," Carla muttered.

(Frieza looks at Goku and starts growling in anger)

GOKU: Are you just mad cause I'ma outlive you now?

"He unknowingly said something clever," Evergreen complimented.

FRIEZA: GRRR! (punches Goku into the ground) Aaaaaahhh! (starts charging up a 100% Death Ball) Bigger! (Death Ball grows bigger) Bigger! (Death Ball grows more bigger) BIGGER! (Death Ball grows even more bigger) (thinking) Perfect!

(Frieza throws the Death Ball at Goku. Goku manages to catch the Death Ball with both hands.)

GOKU: Yaaaah! (punches the Death Ball away from Namek, which blows up a nearby planet)

The guild looked in shock at the destroyed planet.

GOKU: Nice try! But you won't be destroying any more planets! (shows the floating rubble of the destroyed planet) Um... except, you know... that one... Hm.

"YOU DID THAT!?" The mages shouted at him.

(Frieza grabs Goku from behind with a bear hug, causing Goku to squeak)

"Not again!" Lisanna awaited the squeaking.

GOKU: Ah! Bad touch! Kidney shot! (elbows Frieza in the ribs, causing the tyrant to whimper in abject pain) Kidney shot, kidney shot, kidney shot.

"Oh!" Lisanna was surprised.

"Seems Goku's learned from the last times," Erza was pleased.

GOKU: And pause... stomach punch! (punches Frieza hard in the stomach, causing him to cough up blood and fall to the ground)

The guild cheered at the hard hit.

FRIEZA: (weakly) Gonna wiz red...

(cut to Earth where Dende heals Piccolo)

PICCOLO: (thinking) Wha...? (out loud) Wha...?

DENDE: Welcome back, Nail.

"He's not just Nail, but ok," Levy said.

"Technically…"

"I'm aware, Gajeel," Levy glared at him.

PICCOLO: Where... am I?

DENDE: May I hug you?

PICCOLO: No!

DENDE: (looks down sadly) Oh.

"Don't be a jerk," Mira reprimanded.

"Yeah! Give him a hug," Wendy protested.

PICCOLO: (gets on his feet and looks around) Gohan!

GOHAN: (runs up to Piccolo and Dende) Mr. Piccolo! And Dende? But, I thought that-

DENDE: Turns out we're all alive! (sniggers) Except Krillin. How unfortunate.

"That's right! Krillin didn't come back," Wendy was sad.

"Why didn't he return?" Natsu asked Levy.

"Remember that Krillin said he died before, so that means the earth's dragonballs were used to bring him back before. And the earth's dragonballs were used to bring back everyone Frieza and his men killed, so Krillin couldn't be brought back," Levy explained.

GURU: Naaaail. Naaaaaaail! Naaaaaaaiiill!

"He misses him?" Happy asked.

"More like he misses making fun of him," Carla explained to him.

PICCOLO: (thinking) I think he's looking for you.

NAIL: (Do not tell him I'm here.)

"He can't hurt you anymore," Lisanna reassured.

GURU: Nail, I can sense you…

"Ok, maybe he can get to you still," Lisanna sweatdropped.

NAIL: (Do not make eye contact!)

GOHAN: You know, looking around, it seems like the only people who were brought back were those killed by Frieza and his men.

PICCOLO: Huh. That's convenient.

"You're telling me," Levy replied, dryly.

(a Namekian is seen walking up to Mouri)

NAMEKIAN 1: Sir, we cannot find the Tagrok tribe.

NAMEKIAN 2: Wait, you mean that one guy who really liked showing off his Dragon Ball?

"Oh yeah, Vegeta killed them," Gajeel remembered.

"Guess, not everyone got their happy ending," Gray said, sadly.

NAMEKIAN 1: Yeah, that dumbass.

VEGETA: (appears in front of the Namekians) Oh, I wonder what sort of handsome, dashing rogue could have been responsible for their deaths. Oh wait, it was me.

"Stop being a smug prick," Gajeel looks irritated.

GURU: Ha! Nice.

"Dude what?" Romeo looks offended.

NAMEKIAN 3: He massacred an entire village!

GURU: Yeah, I'm going to be honest with you... I don't really like any of you. Except him. (refers to a Namekian child)

"I got the feeling, he was a massive dick for no reason," Gray said.

(the Namekian Dragon Balls, now turned to stone, all land on Earth, with one of them crushing the one Namekian child Guru liked)

GURU: (starts laughing but suddenly gags) Oh, God, I'm actually dying this time...

Nobody expressed any sad thoughts about it.

Not even Wendy and she feels bad for everyone.

NAMEKIAN 4: Lord Guru! You can't leave us!

GURU: I'm sorry, my children, but I must leave you now. My time is at an end. But before I leave, I must confess my sins.

"Oh God," Lucy felt the headache coming.

NAMEKIAN 4: What do you mean?

GURU: Do you remember the great drought that befell our planet?

"Yes, we heard about it," Freed answered.

MOURI: The one that nearly wiped out our race?

GURU: Yeah.

NAMEKIAN 5: The one caused by those filthy albinos?

GURU: Yeah...

For those in the guild who actually have a brain they realized what Guru was talking about.

"Fucking asshole," Gajeel looked disgusted.

NAMEKIAN 3: The ones we purged as per your instruction?

GURU: YEAH... See, I might have shifted the blame on that one.

Makarov looked appalled. For someone to do that to their own children disgusted him.

MOURI: You what?

GURU: Remember when I said they were the ones responsible for the disappearance of our precious water?

NAMEKIAN 4: We slaughtered thousands!

GURU: It was me.

"That's just evil," Juvia said, astonished.

"He's actually worse than Frieza," Freed was disgusted.

NAMEKIAN 5: How?

GURU: I drank it.

NAMEKIAN 3: Wha...?

"THAT'S WHY HE'S SO FAT!?" Natsu shouted.

GURU: How do you think I got so fat? (shows Mouri and a group of Namekians staring at Guru in stunned silence) And now, I can die with a clear conscience.

The mages were upset at the thought of Guru not paying for his crimes.

GURU: (groans but does not die) Uh... (groans again, but is still alive) Uh-oh.

MOURI: Kill him!

GURU: NO! NAAAAAAAAAAAIL! (the mob of angry Namekians bring Guru to the ground and brutally murder him off-screen)

Nobody felt bad about Guru's death.

(the camera shows Gohan, Bulma, Piccolo, and Vegeta's shocked expressions while this going on, with Vegeta even doing a jaw drop in utter surprise)

"It probably does look disgusting though," Lucy gagged.

GURU: (while getting slaughtered) Choke on them! Choke on them...!

(Cut back to Namek where Goku and Frieza continue their fight inside a Namekian house. Goku punches Frieza out of the house, knocking him down to the ground.)

FRIEZA: (thinking) Rrrrgh! Dirty monkey-! (turns around but Goku is already gone) Huh? Where-? (turns and looks directly at Goku's abs) Oh, my God, you could grind meat on it-

Erza agreed with Frieza. She didn't voice this thought.

FRIEZA: (realizes it's Goku) AAH! (steps back)

(small bit of silence as Goku looks at Frieza with loathing)

GOKU: ... I'm done.

"Huh?" Everyone paused for a second.

FRIEZA: What?

GOKU: I'm done fighting you... I'm bored... You're boring me.

"Boring fights are never fun," Natsu, Gajeel, and Laxus agreed with Goku's thinking.

"Hm...Never thought I'd hear Goku speak those words," Erza looked shocked.

FRIEZA: Wha-? Oh, I get it. You're scared, aren't you? Afraid knowing that this planet only has one minute left before it explodes.

"Can you not tell time!?" Levy raised her voice. Honestly, it's like these characters only pick the stupid option.

GOKU: Question.

FRIEZA: Huh?

GOKU: Do you have a watch?

FRIEZA: No, why?

GOKU: Do you know what a minute is?

FRIEZA: What? Of course I do!

"No, you don't." Levy corrected.

GOKU: I don't think you do.

FRIEZA: Uh, but, uh-

GOKU: Anyway, I'ma leave now. (powers down to his base form) Try not to blow up any more planets. Else I'ma hafta kill ya. (flies off)

"Goku really up and left?" Lisanna was confused.

"Well, Frieza doesn't have much left anyways. His pride is destroyed, he's been humiliated by saiyans, an earthling, Namekians, and the top men in his army have all been killed," Freed summarized.

"Frieza's just pathetic at this point," Laxus concluded.

FRIEZA: You can't just... We're not... You little...! (growls and charges up a Death Saucer) Hey monkey, you forgot your pizza!

"He just yanked Krillin's move!" Natsu was angry.

GOKU: Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me- (almost gets cut by the Death Saucer) That's not a pizza...! THAT'S NOT A PIZZA AT ALL! (transforms back into his Super Saiyan form)

"Never tell bad puns about food," Natsu glared.

FRIEZA: Now, to end this! (tries to guide the Death Saucer at Goku but misses) I... uh, huh? Oh, come on now, I... Ugh, this blasted thing! (starts to have trouble controlling the Death Saucer)

"Reminds me of Yamcha and his spirit ball," Levy sweatdropped.

GOKU: What are you doing down there? You trying to swat a bee? 'Cause I don't like bees.

"Nobody does," Lisanna agreed.

FRIEZA: (still struggling to control the Death Saucer) No, don't worry, I'm just... Oh, what is going on? What are these, inverted controls? Who even uses-

"Krillin does," Mira answered.

"And he uses it better," Lily said.

FRIEZA: (gains control of the Death Saucer) AH! GOT IT! (Goku avoids the Death Saucer, disappearing in an Afterimage) DAMN IT!

GOKU: So, are you just stealing Krillin's attacks now? (is shown getting chased by the Death Saucer) Or should I watch out for the Tri-Beam? Or the Garlic Gun? Or the Makakapotamus?

"I'd be confused if Frieza knew any of those moves," Lily said.

"And Goku got those names wrong," Levy decided to point it out.(Tien doesn't say "Tri-Beam" in the abridged).

FRIEZA: HYAH! (hits Goku with the Death Saucer) Gotcha, bitch! (Goku is seen vanishing) Huh? (Goku completely vanishes) URRRGH!

"Your aim just sucks," Natsu insulted.

GOKU: Don't feel bad, Krillin never hits anyone with it, either. Anyway, you done?

FRIEZA: Oh, far from it. (charges up another Death Saucer) I just remembered, I promised you TWO pizzas!

"Still a bad joke," Natsu was still upset.

(Goku flies away, being chased by two Death Saucers, and then flies right through them and towards Frieza)

FRIEZA: Really? You seriously think that that pathetic million-year-old trick is going to...

"Yeah, you'd have to be a complete idiot to fall for that," Gray said.

FRIEZA: (Goku fires an energy blast directly in front of Frieza's feet, covering the area in smoke) (thinking) Clever dick! (avoids the Death Saucers by jumping into the sky) Where'd that flying monkey go?

GOKU: HYAH! (kicks Frieza in the stomach)

FRIEZA: WAAAAAAAH!

GOKU: Now say you're sorry! (Repeatedly slaps Frieza in the face. The camera even plays in slow motion in front of Frieza's face to show his reaction in each hit.) Are you sorry yet?!

The guild laughed at Frieza's facial expressions.

FRIEZA: (thinking) I think I peed a little…

"Ew," Lucy said.

GOKU: YAAAH! (spikes Frieza to the ground, who forms a small hole upon landing)

FRIEZA: I am DONE. (jumps out of the hole)

"So are we with your shit," Laxus added.

GOKU: Freezer, look out behind you!

FRIEZA: I already told you, that trick won't work! (one Death Saucer is seen approaching Frieza)

"Get down stupid!" Natsu shouted.

GOKU: No, seriously, get down!

FREEZA: Oh, ha-ha! Keep going, you STUPID INBRED MONKEY-! (gets split in half by his own Death Saucers, losing his left arm and the lower half of his body, along with most of his tail) (meekly) Daddy, I don't want to be on Namek anymore... (body parts fall to the ground)

The guild was shocked by Frieza being done in by his own move.

"Well...I guess he's the idiot," Gray chucked, nervously.

Chapter End