Shades of Self chapter 16

Disclaimer: I do not own Ben 10, but maybe someday…

Welcome to the next chapter everybody!

Over March Break I started reading One Piece and then I couldn't stop, and when I caught up I made my husband start watching the show with me. It inspired me and got me writing again. I'm going to keep it going after the summer's over. I really missed it!

My goal for the summer is a chapter of something every week. So far I have easily kept up with this. It may get harder and I may miss a week or two, but I will do my best. Once September gets here my goal will be a chapter per month. I will work to keep that goal. I don't want to disappear again!

Enjoy the chapter!

"Every substance in the universe has some measure of give to it, the ability to stretch to some extent under pressure, but if stretched beyond its limits, even the most flexible material will snap."

Xann Qrentarus, Zithsian engineer

Four Years Ago

To Ben's inexperienced eye, it looked like Vilgax was just pressing random symbols, though he certainly seemed to know what he was doing. The screen on the omnitrix changed obligingly at each tap of the alien's claws, and even among the hurricane his emotions had become, Ben found himself feeling annoyed that Vilgax knew so much more about the watch than he did. How exactly had the alien figured out the internal workings of this extremely rare device?

As he watched, Ben found a question pushing its way insistently into his thoughts. It was a question he had asked before, but could find no answer to. Why was Vilgax doing this to him? Yes, he thought he had figured out what the alien was trying to do to him, as horrifying as that was, but why? What had happened to the plans Vilgax had gloated to him about the first time he was captured? What had happened to the army Vilgax had wanted to build? Had he discovered that he wouldn't be able to multiply the omnitrix after all? Maybe the device couldn't be reproduced. But when had the alien even made this discovery? The watch had never been off of Ben's wrist, and the monster had shown no interest in examining it before today.

Ben started as Vilgax gave the screen a final tap, and the omnitrix changed, emitting a shimmering, yellow-green light for a moment, before returning to its original appearance. Vilgax released Ben's wrist, but did not rise. Instead, his red eyes sought out Ben's again. Ben could feel his heart-rate pick up as he met the alien's gaze.

"You may only use the omnitrix at my order," Vilgax rasped. Ben tensed at the command. He had given a command similar to this one already, but maybe the creep wanted to be extra careful after messing with the watch.

"I know," he found himself answering bitterly. Perhaps the alien had gotten used to him not answering back. Vilgax's tentacles flexed at the words as though the alien was annoyed, but he didn't respond. He continued as though Ben had not spoken.

"The omnitrix was set on training mode; that is why you needed to activate it manually, and could only activate it for a limited amount of time. I have inputted Master Control. You will be able to activate the omnitrix and switch between forms with a mental direction. The omnitrix will also no longer time out. When training is over you will be able to deactivate it the same way."

The rough voice quieted and Vilgax looked in a measuring way at Ben. Ben nodded stiffly. He was trying not to show the strange mix of excitement and despair he was feeling. Being able to switch between aliens instantly sounded amazing! That feature would have saved his butt in fights on a daily basis, but what use was it right now? He was a prisoner. He couldn't even use the watch unless his enemy dictated it, and it was never for long enough. He shifted his feet impatiently. The need to change was so strong his breathing quickened.

As if sensing his desire, the alien stood finally and moved away, activating the switches on the wall which opened the doors and let in Ben's robotic opponents. Ben watched Vilgax, anticipating the order to morph, burning for it. When it came he didn't waste a second. His hand started to move towards the omnitrix out of habit, but the thought of the alien he wanted was already in his mind, and the glorious flash of green engulfed him before the hand could move more than a centimetre. He felt his body stretch, skin turning scaly and tough as he sprouted webbing. His jaw and eyes swelled and gills flicked open on his neck. He couldn't stay as Ripjaws for very long without water of course, but if Vilgax was telling the truth than he wouldn't have to, and he could certainly stay in this form long enough to rip off some robot heads.

He leaped into battle. The urge was there to simply fight, to fling himself at his opponents headlong; to get the most out of the omnitrix for as long as he was allowed to use it, but the thought of the hurts he had suffered last time flashed through his mind, and Ben slowed down slightly, allowing himself to be aware of the attacks he was receiving, rather than just dishing out his own. He ducked under the swipe of a metal blade, than sunk powerful teeth into the robot's chest plate, tearing it off and exposing the internal circuitry. A kick from his right foot damaged the robot's internals, and it fell, sparking. By this time Ben was already dodging laser blasts from two other robots. A grin stretched across his widened mouth, and he felt like laughing from pure exhileration. He weaved between the shots, landing on first one robot, than the other, pulling and swiping at the metal and wires where heads connected to necks until they gave with a screech of tearing metal.

As he moved away from the now headless combatants, he noticed that it was getting difficult to draw his breath in the dry air; time to try out that new feature. It was amazing. As soon as the thought entered his head, his body was already shifting. Wings unfurled from his back, limbs pulling apart as eyestalks sprouted from his face. He blinked once, adjusting to the change in his eyesight, than Stinkfly's wings buzzed and he was airborne, barely avoiding two metal scythes coming at him from opposite sides.

It felt so easy, so right to shift like this. It was like this was how he was always meant to be. He felt the pure joy pumping through him with every beat of his heart. This, this was what he wanted, what he needed. Ben spat goo at three robots in quick succession, sticking one to the floor and short circuiting the others as the sticky substance worked itself into their joints. As he dived back towards another group he shifted again, landing on them as Diamondhead. His hands sharpened into blades and he surged forward, cutting through his attackers as though they were made of butter.

Vilgax must be watching him, but for once Ben didn't care. He sliced his way through another robot, melting into upgrade and engulfing the final one of the group, than turning and firing his newly acquired lasers at the new robots which were approaching. A few of their returning blasts hit his borrowed shoulder, forcing upgrade to retract a bit from the injured area, but not before three of the nearest robots had fallen. He slipped off his metallic host and flickered into XLR8, then flashed forward, smashing the heads of two robots together with a shower of sparks. They fell and he sent another one after them with a tail swipe to the head.

As Ben looked up from the tangled pile of metal he saw something which brought his good mood crashing down again. The remains of his opponents littered the arena, sparking or twitching slightly, but no longer in any condition to fight, and no more robots were emerging from the walls. The fight was over.

Despair coiled icily in his stomach. No, he cried internally. This couldn't be it. He couldn't have been fighting for more than five minutes. His eyes shot to Vilgax as the alien took a single step towards him.

"That's enough. Change back." The expected order filled Ben with a kind of panicky despair.

"No," he retorted desperately. "Just let me stay for a few more minutes."

Vilgax's tentacles flexed in anger, but he did not reply. He looked pointedly at Ben and stood there, waiting. Ben flicked his tail in agitation and his breathing was rapid and panicky. He didn't want to change back, to be locked out of the omnitrix again. He didn't want to go back that small, boring room, where he would be left until Vilgax wanted him again. His whole being cried out against changing back. His eyes were locked on the alien's, and he knew he was running out of time before Vilgax commanded him to change.

Ben suppressed a shiver at the thought of the command, but even thinking about what it would feel like, he found he couldn't bring himself to change back. At least this way he would be able to use the omnitrix for a few more moments. He dropped his gaze from Vilgax's burning eyes, but he still felt the moment when the alien grew tired of waiting.

"Change back."

At the command, Ben closed his eyes behind his visor. He changed in a flash of green light, and as soon as he had shrunk and twisted back into his human form the feeling of being trapped in his body crept over him again, stronger than before, as though it had been exacerbated by the brief feeling of freedom. He felt tears building behind his eyes and bit the inside of his lip to keep them back.

Viglax seemed annoyed again at Ben's disobedience, but all he did was order Ben to follow him. The walk back was silent. They arrived at the familiar room after only a few minutes and Ben watched as the door closed him in. He felt like his heart was breaking. He stared around the small, Spartan space in hatred. His skin still felt tight and he was so jittery. He had had a brief time to morph, but it had not been nearly enough. He needed to change for longer; needed, needed, needed it. Why didn't Vilgax understand that if he supposedly knew so much about the omnitrix? Or maybe he did understand, and this was just another way to torture him.

It must still be morning. How was he supposed to get through another day like this? Another day and night. He shuddered. The walls felt like they were closing in on him. He felt a sudden urge to scream or pound on the walls, but he wouldn't. He couldn't let himself give in to the feeling; couldn't let himself break down again. Slowly, Ben began to pace, back and forth from one end of the small room to the other. He paced and paced, and when he couldn't bear to pace any longer he took a long shower. When he was dry and dressed in a new set of black clothes which were still not his, he started pacing again.

It must have been several hours later, although still well before the robots would bring dinner, that his captor decided to visit him again. Ben wasn't expecting it. He had thought Vilgax was finished with him for the day. He was lying on his bed with his feet up against wall and his head hanging over the side, upside down. He was pulling idly at his collar; tugging it away from his neck and then letting go, than grabbing it and pulling again.

When he heard the heavy footsteps outside his door, Ben started and sat up sharply. He didn't have time to rise further before the stone door was opened. Vilgax stood in the opening, seemingly relaxed, tentacles drooping languidly, but Ben could never tell for sure. He met the alien's eyes and felt his skin crawl. Why was Vilgax here? It wasn't time to train. He wasn't going to…grab him again, was he?

"Come with me Ben," the alien ordered. "I want to show you something."

That was new, Ben supposed. He slid cautiously off of the bed, loathe to obey and follow Vilgax, but hating to stay where he was even more. At least going with his captor meant he was doing something, and it wasn't as though he had a choice in the matter.

They walked in a different direction this time, down a separate set of hallways, so at least Ben had something new to look at. The changing scenery was at least a little distracting from his tension and unpleasant thoughts. After a few minutes of walking through cool, green stone corridors they entered a long, wide hall. For the third time on this planet, Ben felt a sense of awe at his surroundings. Intricate stone carvings were etched along both sides of the hall, and when he looked down Ben could see that the floor was carved as well. Strange designs, reminiscent of plant life and flickering flames were intertwining down the path ahead. Gleaming fires of red and purple in deep stone basins lined the carved walls, and the firelight reflected gently off of small, glittery gemstones which seemed to have been worked into the carvings at irregular intervals.

At the end of the hall was a large, stone door, carved with the likeness of a great tree. The tree was fully leafed, but a trident carved from deep red stone seemed to have been thrust into its very heart. Vilgax opened the door and entered. Ben followed the alien through the door, confused and somewhat apprehensive. The heavy stone slid closed behind him and he jumped.

It was misty inside. The air was sweet and cool and slightly opaque, heavy with miniscule water droplets. Ben blinked. Were they outside? They were standing in a large, oblong chamber constructed of red stone shot with quartz, but one curved wall simply seemed to be missing. Through the opening, he could see what looked like a pond surrounded by trees. Watery sun shone down on the vision. Ben took several involuntary steps forward through the damp air, but when he was close enough, he could see that the section of wall was merely transparent, not missing. It was about five metres wide and easily that tall. The section of wall was clearer than window class, but there was a suggestion of something being there, and he could feel no air movement from the opening. It was a window.

Glancing around at the rest of the space, Ben noticed what looked like alien furniture and fixtures; a huge, leathery couch-like thing against one wall, stone shelves built seamlessly into the sides of the room and what looked like an ornately carved stone desk. Aside from the window, light came from what looked like glowing crystals in sconces on the wall. A large doorway on the room's right side lead into another room, though it was unlit and Ben could not discern details.

"These are my private chambers, boy." Ben's attention snapped back to Vilgax at the large alien's words. He tensed as what Vilgax had said sunk in and eyed his captor nervously. This couldn't lead to anything good.

"Why did you bring me here?" Ben asked. His voice sounded strange in his ears, and was it just him or had he been talking a lot less lately? Most of the time Vilgax seemed to get angry when he spoke, or straight out ignored him, but this time the alien seemed willing to answer the question, at least partially.

"I wanted to show them to you," Vilgax said, in the quiet growl he had had this morning. He shot a piercing look at Ben, who hunched his shoulders at the scrutiny. "Are you having difficulty sleeping?"

Ben glared. "That's none of your business!" His retort was loud, not quite a shout, and he tried not to wince. He knew it would make Vilgax angry. He stared at the monster in apprehension. Vilgax's tentacles tensed. The alien took two slow steps towards Ben. Ben took one back, shakily.

"Are you having difficulty sleeping?" Vilgax asked again. His voice was harsher this time, warning Ben not to press his luck. Ben swallowed. There was a pause, and then Ben's eyes flickered down from the alien's face.

"Yes," he whispered.

Vilgax's tentacles relaxed, than he crouched down so that he was closer to Ben's height, though still towering. He gestured at the apartment around them with one hand. His voice had returned to a quiet growl when he spoke. "Now that you know where they are, if you are unable to sleep, you may come here if you wish."

Ben looked up sharply, startled. His gaze met Vilgax's as he searched the alien's face for the reasons behind the statement. He almost said 'why would I want to do that?' but didn't. The truth was he didn't know how to react, or even what Vilgax's offer made him feel. He knew he was frightened at the idea, and suspicious of why his captor would allow this. He couldn't imagine being desperate enough to take him up on it, but…. He shook the thought away before it could fully form. No coherent answers formed in his mind and he remained tongue tied until Vilgax rose back to his feet and once again ordered him to follow.

Back in his room.

Ben ran a hand through his hair. It occurred to him that he was spending far too much time on his own with no way to escape his building anxiety and restlessness, and no reprieve from his thoughts which had taken far too dark a turn lately. Of course, there wasn't much he could do about that. He had no agency over his own schedule after all. He wished he could think of a way to escape, or even a way to fight back, but there were simply no options open to him. You had to hand it to Vilgax this time. Ben was well and truly trapped. Caught. Caged.

He shook his head violently to drive out that line of thinking.

He was sitting on his bed again, leaning against the cool stone wall. His mind wandered back to his most recent encounter with Vilgax. Aside from homesickness and despair, Ben was pretty sure that he wasn't sleeping because he wasn't morphing enough. It was the only thing that explained the constantly increasing restlessness which plagued him. His mind wandered to the omnitrix constantly and he felt imprisoned in his own body. It was like an itch inside him that wouldn't go away. If Vilgax knew why Ben wasn't sleeping he could have easily fixed the problem, unless he was doing it on purpose and he wanted Ben to feel this way.

Ben frowned uneasily. Why would Vilgax give Ben the option of coming to his rooms if he couldn't sleep? It was like something your parents said when you were little and afraid of monsters in your closet. Except he knew Vilgax at least enough to know the alien hadn't offered out of the goodness of his heart. There must be an ulterior motive or a trap he would be walking into. Only he wouldn't walk into it, because he wasn't going to go. It wasn't like he wanted to purposefully spend more time with Vilgax anyway, so it shouldn't even be a problem.

Ben inhaled deeply, letting the breath out at a measured pace. He was leaning against one wall, arms crossed, head tilted back so he could look up at the high, stone ceiling above him. The restlessness was gnawing at him again. He rubbed his arms unconsciously, tapped his fingers against each other. When it got too much he would stand and pace again, crossing and re-crossing the meager space he had been given.

By the time evening came Ben was exhausted. He had eaten supper unenthusiastically. He hadn't felt hungry and his stomach was tense and knotted, but he had forced himself to finish all of it. He had taken another shower, letting the pounding heat of the water wash over him, hoping it would sooth some of his tension. He had even tried to do some push-ups, just to get the sensation of moving. Nothing worked. He couldn't do the one thing that he knew would make him feel better. After a few hours he had tried lying down in bed; tried to sleep even though he knew the restlessness wouldn't let him. He had lain in the dark, eyes blinking open intermittently for perhaps an hour or two, than he couldn't bare it any more and dragged his tired body out of bed.

Now he sat on the floor, back against the stone slab that held his bed, knees pulled up to his chest. Ben's head felt fuzzy, eyes burning from exhaustion. As long as he was upright, the lights seemed to stay on. Ben's eyes drooped closed, but snapped open again after a minute. He yawned and stretched; arms above his head. He glanced towards the door, than away again, angry at himself.

The problem was that Vilgax's offer was looking more attractive all the time. It wasn't the relief he needed, but being given the choice to leave his room and go anywhere else sounded amazing, even if his captor was there waiting for him. He swallowed, pulling his gaze away from the door again.

The rout to Vilgax's rooms was simple. He knew he could find them again. And do what exactly? Ben sighed. He stood and tried lying back on his bed, closing his eyes and trying to breathe deeply. This lasted only about fifteen minutes before he swung his legs of the side of the bed in frustration and walked over to the door. He hesitated with his hand on the handle. He didn't want to go to Vilgax, especially because that was probably what the alien wanted, but now that he had a way to leave his room he couldn't stand to stay here any longer.

Still, maybe there was a loophole of sorts. He supposed he could just walk down there and then come back. Maybe the walk would help him sleep, and Vilgax hadn't said he had to go inside. Slowly, Ben pulled on the handle, gently sliding the door open.

He felt a little thrill as he stepped out into the stone corridor, a tiny rush of excitement and exhilaration. It had been so long since he'd been outside his room by himself; not since his unsuccessful escape attempt on the ship. Ben's chest ached a little at the memory and a sudden wave of hatred for the monster controlling his life washed over him. He let it subside, keeping his breaths deep and even. Then he glanced down the long corridor, lit gently by the sconces on the walls and felt that little trickle of excitement return. He started walking, taking his time and trailing the fingers of one hand along the smooth stone.

At the very least, this would help to pass the time.

How was my fight scene? They are always tough to write.

Now we see what Vilgax was doing to the omnitrix. The episode 'Back With A Vengeance' did not happen in the canon of this story, but the Master Control feature is great, and it has returned here. It is obviously already active in present day chapters, as present day Ben has not been touching the omnitrix to change. There are a few other settings that have been activated in present day, and we will see more of them soon.

I hope this chapter did not seem rushed. I summarized Ben's unpleasant day a little. It's a shame for Ben that he couldn't do the same. Besides, I needed to save some description for Vilgax's room.

And man, Vilgax had a lot to say this chapter! I hope he was believable, and I hope Ben was believable as well. Poor kid's going through a lot right now.

There will probably be a present day chapter coming after this, if anyone misses 14 year old Ben, the rascal! After that, we'll go back to the past, and we will finally see one of my favorite scenes!

See you next chapter!