Maybe This Time
Chapter 4
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Maybe this time
It'll be lovin' they'll find
Maybe now they can be more than just friends
.
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Just as he stepped outside, closing the door of the vinyl store behind him, Harvey heard a text coming in.
I'm available from 5 pm
A wide smile beamed on his face. At least 70% of him had expected her to cancel, so this was a pleasant surprise. He needed it to make his spur-of-the-moment trip not a total disaster. He came here to let her know he was willing to fight for her but so far she hadn't given him so much as a breadcrumb to let him know she appreciated it. Even though she accused him of not fighting for again recently.
He was willing to overlook that for the sake of it being a difficult and complicated situation with a lot at stake for her, but she had to give him some indication she wanted more from him. He hoped to remind her tonight of what it exactly meant to be part of them. Because there was so much more to it than the physical part of being together.
…
Harvey parked his rental Volvo S90 curbside at exactly 5 pm sharp. He had picked a boring grey sedan to not attract attention in Donna's neighborhood. A fact that rattled him more than he'd admit.
The front door opened but his head swiveled to the shadow hiding behind the blinds at the upstairs window and he vowed right there that if tonight didn't work out he'd remove himself from the situation. It would break him, again, but his friends at home would pick him up, nurture him back to a decent state, again, and he'd finally get rid of the what-ifs and move on.
Donna wore teal jade high-rise trousers with a white top and carried a jacket over her arm.
As soon as she got in, he drove off, heading towards the freeway.
"Where are we going?" Donna drew her eyebrows together in a frown. She had expected them to head into San Diego but this was the opposite direction.
"Temecula."
Her eyes grew wide. "Teme—, that's, that's an hour away."
"Don't worry, I'll still have you home by midnight, Cinderella," Harvey joked as he fiddled with the radio stations. He settled for something that boosted a jazzy tune.
He proceeded to tell her the Vermont story, which had her in stitches, so he got to see her smile a lot and soon he steered the car to the parking lot of South Coast Winery at the edge of a rolling hill with rows upon rows of vines.
"Ever been here?" Harvey asked, opening her door for her.
Donna shook her head, getting out while putting on her jacket. "Jack isn't a big fan of wine. I've been on a wine tasting tour for a bachelorette party but we didn't visit this one."
"It's a Resort & Spa too but they produce some excellent wines and they serve exquisite food." Harvey slipped on a suit jacket that had been tucked away on the backseat. The sun had set and it was still January, so the temperatures dropped quickly at night.
They entered the reception area while Donna grilled Harvey on how he knew a place on the other side of the country to serve excellent food. Her question was answered when Harvey greeted the guy behind the desk with a large pat on the back. She expected it to be client-related, although she knew for sure it wasn't connected to any of his older ones. She still knew all of them by heart. This winery resort had never come up.
"Donna, this is Jesse Miller. We met at NYU. He's running the family business."
"Donna Paulsen." Donna shook Jesse's hand.
Harvey made the mental note of Donna using her maiden name.
"Jesse, Donna is—"
"Oh, you don't need to tell me who she is. You've mentioned her enough in our conversations." Jesse smirked.
Donna quirked an eyebrow at Harvey. "That's interesting because he has never mentioned you."
A smile curled on Jesse's mouth. "Well, that's because you're Donna and I am, well, very boring compared to that."
A faint flush tinted Donna's cheeks. "I highly doubt that," she responded and Harvey brushed over it all quickly by saying, "Is it possible to taste some of your wines during dinner?"
Jesse looked a bit offended. "I've been trying to get you to visit us for years and you think I would let you order one bottle for your meal and that's it?" He ushered them into the restaurant area. An open space with original wooden beams spanning the entire ceiling. "Public tasting hours may be over but I've got samples lined up for you. I just need your food order and I will offer you a complimentary wine with each dish."
Harvey placed his hand on the small of Donna's back and steered her to the table Jesse had reserved for them. He wanted to pull out her chair but Jesse was one step ahead of him.
"What is your favorite wine, Donna?" Jesse handed them a menu.
"Merlot," Donna revealed and Jesse nodded. "That tells me everything I need to know. I'll be right back."
Donna arched her eyebrows at Harvey as soon as Jesse turned his back.
"What?" Harvey feigned ignorance.
"Why don't I know this guy, but he knows me?"
He shrugged. "He's an old friend. He never calls the firm. His father started the business and an old family friend has always been their legal advisor. The guy is retired but does their legal paperwork when needed." He quickly glanced around to see if Miller Sr. was lurking nearby. "Jesse doesn't feel the guy is still on top of his game so he calls me for a second opinion sometimes."
"But if this is all off the books, where do I come in?" Donna placed her menu down, pouring some water from the pitcher that was on the table. She filled Harvey's glass without asking.
"Guess I mentioned you. Maybe to look into something for me. Or because I spent most of my waking hours in your vicinity and you automatically feature in my stories?"
Donna sipped her water. "It's been five years."
"Apparently, the previous twelve years made a lasting impression." Harvey cocked his head, his lips curled in self-appreciative amusement. He sipped his water and let his hand brush hers briefly as he placed the glass down.
She didn't retract her hand immediately but reached for her menu. "What are you having?" She peered at the printed piece of carton.
He leaned back in his seat. "Whatever is your second choice, because—" he skimmed the menu in front of him, "you will have the Skuna Bay Salmon." One glance at her was enough to tell him he was right. "And you really want to try the scallops but the pork belly it is served with is holding you back."
"Well yes that and—"
"You want to trade your haricot verts for my asparagus tips." Harvey gave her a knowing grin. "But I'm not trading the wild mushroom. I have to draw the line there."
Before she could retort, Jesse moved Donna's glass of water and placed a charcuterie board on the table. "Manchego, Blue Stilton, and locally made Cranberry Chevre and Goat Milk Brie."
Jesse also placed two small wine glasses on the table. He continued to tell them about the meat on the board. "Prosciutto, Mortadella, and spicy peppered salami." Then he poured a bit of white wine into Harvey's glass. "Our 2018 Chardonnay has a very crisp acidity that is balanced against the tiny amount of residual sugar which adds to the overall body of the wine."
Harvey swayed the white wine around and sniffed appreciatively.
Jesse filled Donna's glass with white wine as well. "Pinot Grigio. Bright citrus notes of apples, pear, and ripe banana with a small amount of French Oak."
As Jesse disappeared, Donna tasted her Pinot Grigio. She hummed in content when Harvey commented, "I don't think I have ever seen you drink white. But Pinot Grigio is Italian, Del Posto has quite a few of them on their wine menu."
"It's like you and Macallan 18. Why change a winning team."
Harvey cut off two pieces of brie. Passing one to Donna, he said "I haven't been back there since."
A quizzical brow arched above her left eye. "Back where?"
"Del Posto," he replied, popping the brie into his mouth.
She racked her brain for a few seconds, not sure what to reply when she settled on a cheeky response. "Me either."
Harvey stared at her, raking his eyes on every feature of her face as she chewed the cheese. "You said you missed New York. You missed us. I thought we both wanted to change that. We were good when I left you at the airport. What happened?"
Donna's face fell. She reached for her napkin and after dabbing her mouth, she folded and unfolded it to keep her hands busy.
"Reality? Home, settling back into the familiar rhythm?"
"I see." A bitter smile formed on Harvey's lips.
Settling her hand on top of his, Donna waited until he looked her in the eye. "Can we put a pin in that? At least during dinner? We have an hour in the car afterward." She squeezed his hand ever so slightly. "Please?"
He let out a small sigh before nodding his agreement.
Once they polished off the charcuterie, Jesse had served them their main course with two accompanying red wines.
Harvey had shifted from sitting opposite Donna to sitting next to her and they had basically shared their food. He had grabbed her wine glass to smell and taste Jesse's choice for her and he had done so without asking.
He told her every embarrassing Mike and Louis story he had and she had almost choked on a sip of wine twice.
That is how Jesse found them when he came to clear their plates, doubled over with laughter from a story Donna hadn't shared before.
Harvey ordered one New York cheesecake as dessert, requesting two forks. It arrived with whipped cream and a strawberry reduction and the slow deliberate bites Donna took from it while glancing at him from underneath her lashes, had him use every ounce of strength to not jump her right there and then.
"A while ago, Louis came to me because he had to do it in a cup to get his swimmers tested."
Donna's eyes widened as Harvey stopped to take another bite.
"He asked me for advice and I told him I think about tomatoes." Harvey could barely hold it together saying it.
"Is it true?" she said with astonishment.
He snorted loudly. "No." Leaning into her he whispered softly. "I think we both know it is really strawberries and whipped cream."
A flush appeared on her face and neck. "Oh."
Harvey leaned back, a smirk on his lips.
"Oh." Donna tucked her hair behind her ear. "That was—, that's sev—, all this time?" She looked up to find his eyes twinkling with mischief.
"Go ahead, keep stumbling," he chuckled, nudging her arm playfully.
"You know what, I don't want to know."
"You just don't want to admit that you know exactly how many years and days it's been since the other time."
Donna glanced around. "We're the last ones here," she gasped. "We should go."
…
They said their goodbyes to Jesse, who gave Donna a bottle of the winery's Merlot and asked if she would be joining Harvey when he came back for the family lunch tomorrow, to which she responded negatively.
They left the valley and Harvey was speeding along the interstate. They were both lost in their own thoughts and the silence was filled with the soft melodies flowing from the radio.
Harvey let his hand rest on Donna's leg, squeezing it gently. "I really enjoyed having you at my side. Thank you for joining me tonight."
She hummed in response, her cheeks rosy from the alcohol they tasted. And he didn't want to break their comfortable silence but they were 40 minutes away from reality and 20 hours from a plane ride back to the East coast.
"I think we need to pull that pin out now."
His voice made her look at him and she slowly nodded. "I really do miss what we almost had."
"We can still have it. I want you and I want us. And all you gotta do is say you want the same. I hate waiting but if it's waiting for you, I'll wait."
She closed her eyes. "It's not that easy. My girls, it's so complicated."
"I don't care how complicated this gets, I still want you."
She chewed her bottom lip, her voice shaking slightly, admitting what she admitted to Rachel. "I don't think me and my girls fit into your life."
His eyebrows knitted together, confusion spread over his face. "Louis's fiancée is pregnant, I'm pretty sure Mike and Rachel will want kids soon. Alex is raising two girls in the city."
"My two-year-old playing on your 1000ft high balcony?"
"I'll sell the condo tomorrow and buy a brownstone with a large backyard in Brooklyn."
"You don't even know the girls or they know you. I can't leave our family home and move in straight with you."
"Okay, so how would you prefer to do this? Because I'm willing to make all the space you and the girls need. I don't do 15-hour workdays anymore. I will mold my life around your needs."
Harvey offers her a questioning gaze. The tapping of his fingers on the steering wheel revealed the edginess he was feeling.
Donna sighed and looked out of the window.
"You could start with finding the girls a school you like and find a place in that area." Harvey tried. Nudging her to open up to him.
"It'll be months before any money from selling the house is available and even then, my half isn't enough to even afford a shoebox in New York." Donna ran her hand through her hair, stopping at the back of her head, massaging her scalp. A major headache was rapidly pushing its way to the forefront. "And don't say you'll buy or rent me something. I'm not running from one financial dependency to the other."
Harvey blew out his cheeks and then released his breath. "You must have money stored away from selling your apartment. You are not financially dependent on any of us."
"Yeah, about that."
Harvey's head swiveled in her direction, his jaw clenched.
"What did you do?"
She crossed her legs, rubbing an itchy spot on her leg with the back of her heels. Not meeting his eyes, she lifted her index finger to bite on a cuticle, before finally replying. "My dad, there was this project."
Harvey let his head fall against the headrest. "Let me guess, it fell through and he hasn't paid you back your investment?"
"Not yet, no," she said, pursing her lips.
"It doesn't matter. We'll find a solution," he said confidently, suppressing his need to berate her about her father's business ideas.
"The best thing for the girls is to just stay here, in their family home."
Harvey's left hand let go of the wheel. Dropping it at his side, he clenched and unclenched his fist. "Is that what is best for you?" he asked her carefully.
Donna shook her head. "Motherhood is about putting your children first."
"Isn't that what you've been doing and didn't you say you lost yourself in the process?"
"Didn't you say to find out where I wanted to pursue my girls' dreams?" She shot back. "You said you'd move out here."
Taking a steeling breath, Harvey took her hand. "I discussed it with Mike and Rachel, Louis too. We don't think it is a good idea."
Donna retracted her hand as if stung by a bee.
"Donna, wait, hear me out." Harvey tried to grab her arm but she flinched. Backing away in her seat, as much as was possible in the confined space.
"We," she stammered. "We don't think it is a good idea." She pinched her lips tight to keep them from trembling. "All this time I thought me and the girls were a we and you were just an I, but turns out you and my so-called friends are a package deal too."
"Actually, I thought you and I were a we but turns out we were both wrong." Harvey couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice.
"Stop the car."
"Donna, don't be ridiculous."
"Stop, now."
The crack in her voice made him pull over and Donna fled the car before he had come to a complete stop.
He let his head rest on the steering wheel, exhaling loudly, before unbuckling his seatbelt to run after her.
They were on the outskirts of El Cajon, at the edge of a high school football field. Donna was walking in the distance. He jogged to catch up with her.
"Donna, can we please talk about this?"
She kept walking, commenting coldly, "Talk about how I'm supposed to slip into your world again? Fulfilling all your needs and forgetting about my own?"
"No, because that would actually require you to know what you need," he bit back.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She turned around, eyes spitting fire.
"You say you left New York because you chose yourself over me. But you ran straight into Jack's arms, leaving San Francisco to fit his needs. You don't have any bond with El Cajon but choose to stay here because you claim it is what your girls need. I don't see you choosing yourself anywhere."
"Ooooh, that is so, so—" Donna huffed. Swallowing her next words, she decided to stomp away instead. "I'll walk the rest home," she scowled.
"Donna!" he called after her. "Don't walk away. We're not done. We have unfinished business here."
She spun around and bellowed. "You and I will always be unfinished business."
A/N As always, thank you for reading. I would love it if you leave a review with your thoughts and comments.