A/N: I wouldn't be able to keep writing without my beta Stefanie. She is my biggest cheerleader and the fastest editor in the world. She's a bigger blessing than she realizes.
It is already July people and the summer holidays are coming up. My family is blessed enough to be able to travel somewhere so I must manage the expectations when it comes to updates. It might be longer than the current schedule between updates. Don't fret, I will finish this story.
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Maybe This Time
Chapter 6
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It's the same old feeling back again
It's the one they had way back when
They were too young to know when love is real
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"Aubrey, no running on the sidewalk! I must have told you that—"
"Daddyyyyyy," squealed her four-year-old, dashing into her father's arms.
"A million times," Donna finished with a sigh.
Ella tucked on her hand. She wouldn't dare let go before her mother said it was okay but she was eager to get to her daddy too. As fast as Ella's legs could carry her, they raced in his direction. As soon as Donna let go, Ella flung herself around Jack's leg.
It had been three weeks since the girls saw their dad, as he had traveled to Chicago for work.
Donna stood to the side. Watching and waiting as Jack caught up on cuddles with their daughters.
As he got up with each of his daughters holding one of his hands, he leaned forward to kiss Donna on the cheek and mumbled a greeting.
"You look good," her husband observed. "These two not been causing havoc then?"
"No more than usual," she said, removing a piece of lint from her dress.
"Did you manage to attend your classes at USD?"
"Yes, Ruth from number 63 was happy to watch them those nights."
"Good. I'll take them again now that I'm back."
"The girls will be very happy. But it is only four more weeks." Donna looked relieved as she uttered the words.
Surprise washed over Jack's face. "Has it been six months already?"
Donna nodded. "Almost, yeah."
"Wow," Jack rubbed the stubble on his face. "So that means—" he trailed off.
"Yeah," Donna acknowledged without either of them saying the actual words.
"Well, before it is finalized I would like to go over our co-parenting schedule again."
Donna's eyebrows shoot up. "Is something wrong?"
"No, no, just some new developments I want to discuss with you. Is Sunday night when I drop them off alright for you?"
"Sure." Donna offered him a flash of a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
…
Donna carefully placed the cup of coffee on her desk. She needed to finish her final paper this weekend. It wasn't due until Thursday but once the girls arrived back home on Sunday night, she'd barely get a chance to proofread it, let alone put actual thoughts on paper.
Flipping open her laptop, she looked out the window. The swingset gently swayed in the wind.
She missed the shrieking and the laughter and even the bickering when Aubrey and Ella were with Jack. At the same time, it finally gave her me time. Something she hadn't realized she needed until she got it. Plenty of it.
The first full weekend the girls were with Jack, she had wandered around the house like a lost soul. It felt like a limb had been chopped off. She had spent most of it in bed, crying, reading the poetry collection Howling at the Moon to feel understood.
It was that weekend that she knew she needed help to find herself again, to understand and to be understood.
The ringing of her cellphone startled her. A quick glance told her it was Rachel. For a second she contemplated pushing the ignore call button. But Rhona, her therapist, had advised her to confront her friend with the betrayal she felt instead of letting the friendship fizzle out.
Once Harvey had returned to the East Coast, Rachel had been in touch quickly but Donna ignored her. With the guidance of Rhona, Donna had sent Rachel a text message, telling her she was too hurt right now but she'd be in touch when she was ready.
She hadn't felt ready for months. A confrontation could very well mean the end of their friendship and Donna wasn't ready to let go of that part of her life.
In El Cajon, her friends were other stay-at-home moms. People she had met through her children. Who only saw her in the capacity of being a mom and thought her sparsely shared NYC stories were wild.
It felt impossible to reconcile New York Donna with El Cajon Donna but severing ties with Rachel would mean no one in her life remembered the old Donna. Burying her wasn't the way to return home to herself.
While Donna debated with her inner self, her phone kept ringing. Suddenly, a text message flashed across the screen.
Damnit Donna, if you ever cared about Rachel you pick up RIGHT now
P.S. I love you
Right after her fall out with Harvey, Mike had texted her too but once she asked Rachel to back off, Mike had gone silent as well.
Worried something might be wrong, she accepted the call.
An audible gasp could be heard on the other side. "Donna?" Rachel stuttered.
"Yes," Donna replied curtly.
"Oh my god. I'm so glad to talk to you." Rachel's voice shook slightly. "How are you?"
"Oh you know. Hurt, alone, almost divorced, feeling old, overwhelmed, betrayed. Need me to continue?" Donna couldn't quite disguise the bitterness she was feeling.
"Wait, wait, wait," Rachel exclaimed. "Divorced?"
Donna sighed. "Was Mike's text message just a ploy to get me to answer?"
"I didn't know he did that," Rachel replied sheepishly. "But there is a reason I want to talk to you."
"Are you okay, is Mike okay? Your mum, dad, Louis?" Donna summed up. Then adding softly, "Harvey?"
"Everyone is fine. I'd rather go back to you first."
"No, no. I'd rather hear why you and Mike and Louis advised Harvey not to move to the West Coast." If she was going to confront her, she best get it out of the way. She needed to find a way to deal with this betrayal before Donna could consider telling her anything else.
Rachel coughed at Donna's straightforward approach. "Right. Well. It took years to nurse him back to a functional human being. I don't think any of us have shared with you the full extent of his tailspin. But he worked hard and he's in a good place. He sees his family on a regular basis." She paused for a second before continuing. "I don't think pulling him away from all that is going to benefit him. If you two break up he needs a safety net close by because I honestly don't know what would happen if we are not there."
"You just assume we would break up?" Donna hissed. She grabbed her cup of coffee and took a sip to avoid saying anything else.
On the other side of the line, Rachel paced the room and heaved a heavy sigh. She then started to explain herself with the most patient voice she could muster.
"I think you and Harvey are a great fit but a lot has changed in the past five years. There's a lot of baggage. And you guys have—"
"We have what?" Donna demanded as Rachel paused.
"Uhm," Rachel cleared her throat, "not the best track record of talking about your feelings." She winced as she uttered the words and half expected Donna to yell and half expected her to end the call.
Donna shut her eyes, scrunching her nose.
"Rachel, did Harvey leave because he thinks I need to find myself?"
"Eh, I really think you should ask him."
"I'm asking you."
Rachel's jaw clenched as she released a sigh. "Yes."
"Is that something you whispered to him while he was out here?"
"What? No!" Rachel's response was immediate and offended. "We didn't hear from him the entire weekend. We thought you were, uhm, busy doing other stuff?" She trailed off while biting her nail.
Donna let out a hollow laugh. "Not quite."
"Donna, believe me when I say we all have Harvey's and your best interest at heart and we would love nothing more than our friends together. But if you guys do this, you need to be in 100% and you weren't, were you? You felt like you were sacrificing again, just like you always did."
Donna stared outside the window as she listened to her friend telling her the hard truths.
"If you had rolled into a relationship with Harvey while still harboring resentment over the past, it would have exploded. And Donna," Rachel said quietly, "I don't think either of you would have been able to recover from that."
Donna narrowed her eyes. "Did you speak with my mother?"
"No," Rachel replied surprised.
"She gave me a speech with pretty much the same gist roughly six months ago."
"Ah..."
"I filed for divorce a week later."
"Oh, Donna." Rachel softened her voice.
"Yeah." Donna sniffed. She quickly blinked away the tears that threatened to fill her eyes. "It's stupid. It was my choice but I still choke up every time I say it out loud."
"Of course." Rachel was quick to reply. "This isn't a decision you make lightly, especially with children involved. It changes everything." Rachel, who had been walking up and down her living room, stopped in front of the window and turned around. Looking at Mike she said, "How would you feel if I came to visit you this weekend?"