Ch. 2
Warriors Three

After raiding Cartman's house for some money and materials, we began heading down the street. I saw several other kids who weren't dressed in robes, but in normal clothes. They obviously weren't playing. We also passed several adults as well, most of whom were on their phones.

"Everyone is kinda glued to their phones, huh?" I asked Butter.

"I suppose," he said. "It's usually the grownups though. They're really weird."

I nodded. Grownups were indeed weird.

After passing the theater and going up another street, we walked through the snow on the way to what I assumed to be Token's house. The fences were replaced with tall, brick walls, and the streets here looked much cleaner and had less snow on them. We had been walking in silence for several minutes now. As I walked down the sidewalk I could feel Butters' eyes on me as he walked beside me.

"So, uh… Y-you were wearing a baseball hat earlier," he started. "Do you play baseball?"

I nodded. "Yeah, all the time. I even played for my school's baseball team."

"Wowie. You must be a really good player!"

"Oh, I don't know about that. I mean, I'm not perfect," I could feel my ears growing hot. "But, I do love it very much."

"Oh boy! You should play with us sometime," Butters suggested. "Every now and then we all go to the baseball field and mess around. I bet you'd love it."

I smiled and thanked him. Butters was definitely the nicest person here so far. I had a feeling he and I was going to get along.

As we rounded the corner I finally spotted the entrance. The words "Dark Meadows" were engraved on the front of the gate. It looked like the entrance to a big community, but it seemed to only encase one house.

"That's Token's place," said Butters.

I nodded and began to walk towards the front of the gate. There was a security guard standing with a clipboard in his hand. He looked very mean, but not very intimidating. An odd combo. I slowly walked up to him and took a deep breath.

"Hello, um… we're trying to see our friend? It's urgent?"

"This is a gated community, kid," the guard spoke stiffly. "We do not allow in the riffraff. Move along."

I raised my eyebrow. "Well, is there any way we can get inside-"

Before I could finish my sentence he advanced on me. He took out a big bottle of peppery spray and sprayed it in my face. My vision went black as I fell to my knees and proceeded to vomit on the ground.

"If you try again, I will pepper spray you back to the Stone Age."

I coughed and spat as I struggled to my feet, running down the sidewalk and not stopping until I reached the corner. Butters called after me and didn't stop running until he reached me. I was scrubbing my eyes as best I could, but without water I was helpless.

"Oh Jesus… here, this way."

Butters grabbed my arm and helped walk me down a few more feet before he stopped me. I heard the sound of rushing water, and I squinted my eyes open a little. He had lead me to a water fountain.

"H-here you go," he said gently.

I brought my hands up and cupped some water, splashing it onto my face. The whole time Butters stayed beside me and patted me on the back, muttering words of encouragement. For some reason, that seemed to be helping me feel better as well. After splashing for a few moments my vision started to clear and my eyes stung less. The slightly blurry image of Butters smiled at me.

"Better?"

"You bet. Thanks…" I looked back down the street and was suddenly filled with rage. "Ooh, I'm gonna get that son of a bitch!"

"Wow nelly!" Butters cried, grabbing my sleeve as I tried to run back. "Now just hold it one second. We can't fight him as long as he's got that pepper spray. We gotta find a way around that first."

I sighed. "Yeah… you're probably right. But how?"

"Well… what about some gas masks?" he suggested. "There's some at Jimbo's Guns. They can still sell stuff like that to kids."

I nodded. "Alright, let's go."

Butters lead the way as we started heading towards Jimbo's Guns. But, as we were walking I felt my phone buzz. I looked down to see a message on Facebook from Cartman.

"HAHAHAHA Dude someone just posted a video of you getting pepper sprayed! Hold on I gotta watch that again. AHAHAHAHA it's even better when you know what's coming!"

I rolled my eyes. I'm guessing Cartman wasn't exactly a nice person, huh? Whatever. There were way more annoying kids in New York. I scrolled down below the message and I could see exactly how many people had liked it… and who.

"Butters!" I snapped. "You liked the video?"

Butter stammered as he fiddled with his gloves. "W-well, I- I still thought it was f-funny, and… uh, oh geez…"

I sighed. "Whatever. Forget it. Let's keep going."

Butters remained quiet as we started to walk past the South Park Mall. I suppose he probably felt bad. Serves him right. But, still. He didn't really do any harm, I guess. I turned towards him to start my apology, but before I could two elves suddenly leapt out from behind the parking lot fence and charged.

"This elf's gonna fuck you up!"

"Oh shit!" I spat.

I blocked the first elf's attack, and managed to hit him first. Good, that means Butters and I can go first now. I went first, and I looked at all of my options to see what I should do. I decided to give my new magic ability a test drive. I took out the little bag and ran forward towards the elf with the sword. I took a handful of dust and quickly tossed it into his eyes. While he was rubbing his eyes, I took my right hand- the one with my wizard ring- and punched him straight in the chest. He fell to the ground, stunned as I retreated back to my spot.

I wasn't sure what Butters' exact abilities were, but I was excited to see. Once it was his turn, I was surprised to see him run forward towards the other elf.

"By the hammer of Butters!"

He raised his hammer in the air and began spinning around in circles. After a second he stopped and threw his hammer, which hit the elf right between his eyes. He fell backwards onto the ground, but he got back up almost immediately, now looking pissed.

"I just- was seein' if it worked!" Butters pleaded as he stepped back.

Since the first elf was still stunned, it was the pissed off one's turn. He wasted no time in charging at Butters with his hammer. I was worried, but Butters blocked it perfectly. Once it was my turn I took out my wand and tried to decide who I should go for.

"Come on!" said the one who was pissed off.

I glared at him before advancing. He hardly stood a chance as I brought my wand down onto his head, knocking him out. Butters quickly took his turn as I came back. He went out with his hammer again, raising it up and holding there for a moment before also bringing it down on the stunned one's head. This brought his health down, but not enough as he once again got to his feet. I quickly went out with my wand again before he could even do anything, and smacked him in the face. He fainted. We had won.

"Maybe now you'll turn your life around," said Butters. "Come on now, Ash, we got places to be."

I nodded. I made sure to pickpocket the two passed out elves before continuing to follow Butters down the sidewalk.

We continued down the street, passed a broken up place called City Sushi, a huge building called the Tower of Peace, and even came by a restaurant called City Wok. While passing these stores, I noticed there was a tall pole with a little red flash on it.

"What's that?"

"Oh, that's a Travel Flag," Butters answered. "Sometimes if you're lost, or too tired, you can go to one of those flags and Jimmy will drive you around to another flag. He gives rides to both kingdoms, so no one ever hurts him."

We continued just a little further down the street before I saw the sign for Jimbo's Guns. I quickly opened the door and walked in. This place was filled with guns, knives, ammo, grenades, hell I'm pretty sure I saw a rocket launcher behind the counter. There were only two people there; a tall, beefy man dressed in orange and camo, and a short, skinnier man with shades and a bandana on his head.

"Howdy there!" piped up the beefy one, who I assumed to be Jimbo. "Haven't seen you before. You must be the new kid that moved to town- and you're into huntin', huh?"

"Actually, I-"

"Well, my boy, you've come to the right place! South Park is FULL o' things to shoot that would delight ANY taxidermist, survivalist or weekend animal death enthusiast! Ain't much I can sell to a minor- thanks to the stupid Democrats…"

I raised my eyebrows at him. I wasn't sure about this guy. For one, he also couldn't see well enough to tell that I was a girl. For another, he sounded like he had no more than an eight grade education. He kept droning on about hunting and some sort of book he had or whatever, and I paid him no mind as I looked around for a gas mask. I looked up at equipment that sat on shelves behind Jimbo, and I saw a gas mask sitting up there.

"Hey, how much for your gas mask?"

"Oh, that'll be five dollars."

I quickly took out five dollars and placed it on the counter. Jimbo took the mask off the shelf and handed it to me.

"Here yah go! Good thing you came in, that was the last mask in the whole shop."

I nodded. "Thank you."

After leaving Jimbo's shop we quickly headed back down the street, back in the direction of Token's house. I thought about how easy it was for Jimbo to tell that I was new in town, and of how odd it was that he couldn't tell that I was a girl. Maybe the girls around here were more feminine, and my tomboy look was throwing people off. That would explain why Cartman couldn't tell that I was a girl.

"So, is everyone friends with everyone around here?" I asked. "Is it like one of those 'everyone knows everyone here' kind of places?"

"Pretty much," said Butters. "It's a small town and it has one school. Pretty much everyone knows each other. H-hey, you'll be coming to South Park Elementary from now on, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess I will. Is it an okay school?"

"Oh, it's a little rough around the edges, but you'll get used to it."

"Oh, okay. Say, how long does playing this game last anyway?"

"We usually stop when it's our bedtime or if we're at school," he answered. "We don't want our parents gettin' mad and not lettin' us play. Say, what to your parents do?"

"They're professional therapists," I told him. "They used to co-own their own office back in New York, but I guess they'll be working at home for now."

"Wow, that's neato."

I smiled at him. "So, what is it about the kids on the elven side? What happens when you take a break or the game is over?"

"Then we go back to being friends," said Butters. "None of us are friends while we play, though. A lot of my friends decided to be elves when we started playing, so now we're all enemies at the moment. But, I usually like Stan and Kyle."

"Stan and Kyle? Who's that?"

"Friends from the neighborhood. They only live a block away from us. Boy, I bet when this game is over they'd love to meet you."

Before I could respond we had already rounded the corner and were met with the sight of the gate entrance again. I could see the security guard standing there, still looking at his clipboard. I gritted my teeth as I mentally pictured shoving a doughnut down his throat while hitting his face repeatedly.

"Don't forget your mask," Butters reminded me, sounding a lot like my mother.

I nodded and quickly slipped the mask onto my face. It was snug, but it fit. I smirked widely as I confidently strode up to the security guard again.

"Hey, dickless!" I snapped, my voice muffled by the mask. "Remember me?"

The security guard turned at my voice and jumped. He immediately grabbed his pepper spray and shot it right at my face. But, as I knew it would, nothing happened. I breathed happily as I reached behind me and took out my wand.

"What the fuck?! Oh NO!"

"I'm gonna fuck you up, dude!"

The guard took a step back, holding his hands up in defense. Butters and I ran forward into our own battle positions.

"The Hammer of Justice shall strike the Nail of Evil into the Board of Being Sorry!"

Wanting to get a head start on his health, I decided to start with Dragon's Breath. I lit a candle and advanced on him, hitting him with everything the candle had. This uniform caught fire as he leapt around and I stepped back. Butters ran forward, raising his hammer and giving the guard a good smack in the gut. His health was down halfway, but not enough.

The guard straightened up as he produced a long, black baton from his belt. He instantly ran towards me and I blocked all three of his swings. Lucky. I really didn't want to feel the end of that stick on my head. I quickly ran forward gave him a good three whacks to his torso, and he started to kneel down to the ground. All it took then was one hard swing from Butters to finally bring him down.

"Move… along…!"

"Oh boy! Oh boy!"

"Nice!"

I walked forward towards the guard, removing my mask as I glared at him. Then, I saw him slowly reach for his baton, but I quickly snatched it.

"I don't think so," I looped the baton into my belt. "C'mon, Butters."

Butters and I finally went through the gate and down the stone pathway towards the house. It was by far the biggest house I had seen in the whole town. It was at least two stories and was held by many marble columns.

"I'm guessing their pretty well off?"

"Yeah. A bit."

I scoffed as we both walked up to the front of the house. I straightened up my robes before swiftly knocking on the door. A few more moments it opened, and the little black boy who I knew was Token appeared in normal clothing.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, my name is Ash," I introduced myself, holding out my hand. "I'm the new kid that just moved into town."

"Oh, pleasure to meet you," he responded, shaking my hand. "Can I help you?"

"Oh! Yeah… ahem," I cleared my throat as I pulled out the note Cartman had given me earlier. "I come with an urgent message from the Grand Wizard."

"Cartman got you playing already, huh?" Token took the note and began reading it. "What's this… Oh, the elves took the Stick again? Hang on a second."

Token disappeared behind the door for a moment. I stared at Butters, who just smiled. A second later Token reappeared, now dressed in the red and purple robes I had seen in his picture. He handed back my note.

"Thank you for thy message, traveler! I shall make haste to Kupa Keep!" he announced formally, then hollered behind him. "Mom! Can you drive me to Eric's house?"

And he shut the door in our faces.

"You're welcome…?" I turned to Butters. "He seems nice."

"Oh yeah. Token is one of the nicest guys, he's just a bit shy," Butter's seemed to puff out his chest. "Now, Mage, we must make hast to the other warriors! Come, to Tweek's we go!"

We just passed the movie theater when I looked up at the movie poster on the wall. 'Asses of Fire 2' was apparently playing all day today.

"Wowie. Asses of Fire 2 looks so awesome! Too bad we can't see it," said Butters, who was also looking at the poster. "My folks won't even let me watch the trailer."

"Why can't you see it?"

"Well, it's for adults only, yah see?" he said, pointing at the poster. "I'll never get in on my own, and Mom and Dad would never let me see it. Not after what happened last time…"

I rolled my eyes. "Dude, that's ridiculous. Tell yah what, I was gonna have my parents take me to see it before we moved but we couldn't. Now that we're here my dad will take me to see it. Wanna come with me?"

"Wha- r-really? You'd take me?! Oh, that's just amazin', Ash!" Butters ran forward and hugged me tightly, but quickly let go. "Wait… you saw the first movie, didn't yah?"

"Hell yeah I did!" I said proudly, puffing my chest out. "My dad brought me to see it after I won my first baseball game. It was hilarious. I know all the songs by heart."

"Wow!" Butters looked around and saw that no one except the ticket boy was around. He smiled and suddenly started singing. "Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker! You're a cock sucking, ass licking uncle fucker! You're an uncle fucker, yes it's true! Nobody fucks uncles quite like you!"

I grinned and sang as well. "Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker. You're the one who fucked your uncle, uncle fucker. You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn, you just fuck your uncle all day long."

Butters and I laughed loudly with each other. I heard the ticket boy grumble angrily under his breath as he gave us a very dirty look. We started walking down the sidewalk again, continuing to sing.

"Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker! You're a boner biting bastard, uncle fucker! You're an uncle fucker, I must say. We fucked your uncle yesterday? Uncle fucker, that's U-N-C-L-E. Fuck you, uncle fucker, get out. Suck my balls!"

By the time we had finished singing and laughing Butters had already stopped moving, and so did I. I looked up to see a plain little shop in front of me, the words 'Tweak Bros. Coffee' written on the front.

"This is where Tweak and his family live," said Butters. "They have a really good business going on with their coffee. No one knows what's in it, but they love it."

I nodded before opening the door. I heard a little bell ring out as I walked inside. There was soft guitar music playing through the speakers in the shop, which was surprisingly filled with people sitting and enjoying their coffee. The interior was very green and beige based and had a very calm look and feel to it. The only thing that would make this even more relaxing is if I had a cup of coffee, which is probably what these people were going for. Up at the counter, there was a man with brown hair standing by the register.

"Welcome to Tweek Coffee," he spoke in a warm, soft voice. "Coffee made with ingredients supplied by local organic suppliers. It's local coffee. Brewed locally."

For some reason, the way he spoke about his beloved coffee really made me want to buy some. I shook my head. Now was not the time for coffee.

"Say… I haven't seen you before. You must be that New Kid that just moved in."

I gulped. "Um… hi, I'm Ash. Butters and I were wondering if Tweek was anywhere around?"

"Oh, yes. He should be in the back," he turned his head towards the other end of the store. "Tweek? Tweeeek!"

At that moment, a strangled cry erupted from the back door behind the coffee counter.

"Have you picked up the fresh local ingredients?"

"AAHGHGH NOT YET, DAD! I'M STILL TRYING TO DO ALL MY CHORES!"

"Well hurry up, son. The family business is relying on you!"

"AHGHGHGH!"

"I'm sorry, but Tweek is very busy right now," said Mr. Tweak. "Maybe he can play once he's all finished."

"Would it be okay if we helped him out a bit?" I offered. I had to get Tweek out and back to the kingdom as soon as possible.

"Hmm. I suppose so. Just go through the back door."

I nodded. I walked through the shop towards the back where I saw a brown door with a sign that said 'Employees Only'. I shrugged and walked in anyway, Butters still right on my tail. This room was much darker and dirtier than the whole shop. It was filled with different kinds of boxes, cleaning supplies, and other stuff that didn't make much sense. One of those things was a little boy with spiked up blonde hair, sweeping the floor and twitching maddeningly.

"Um, hey. Are you Tweek?"

The boy jumped, nearly dropping his broom. It was then that I noticed that he was continually shaking in his shoes.

"Agh! Wh-wha- who are you? What're you d-doing back here?!"

"Hey, it's okay," I soothed. "My name's Ash. I just moved into town."

Tweek's shaking seemed to cease slightly.

"Oh! Y-you? Um… h-hi, I guess? Argh!"

Butter's nudged my arms. "Ash, the note."

"Oh, right," I took a deep breath and took out Cartman's note. "I have brought you a message from the Grand Wizard."

"Wh-what?" Tweek took the note and read it. "AHGHGH! NOW?! The guys need me now? Oh, there's no way, man! I have WAY too much to do! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ALL THIS?!"

Tweek started twitching violently as he grabbed me by the collar in panic. He started hyperventilating and I quickly grabbed his arms.

"Dude, calm down, it's fine," I told him. "Look, the Wizard King needs your help, we need you if we want to get the Stick back. Butters and I are more than willing to help you get there faster. Now, what do you need us to do?"

Tweek took several deep breaths as he let go of me, his twitching slowing down to a minimum. He looked around the room, as if trying to see what we can do.

"Agh… um… Hey, I got it!" he piped up. "Could you go get the four o'clock delivery for me?! If you do I can finish here and then- and then I'll still have time to play! PLEASE! Would you?!"

"Can do," I said, smiling. "Where do we go to get it?"

"It's at Kenny's house- like always! Y-you give them THIS-" Tweek handed me a small white envelope that was very thick. "They'll give you the delivery!"

I nodded. "Got it. We'll get the stuff, no problem."

"We just have to cross the train tracks."

I stared, slack jawed in awe at the sight before me. I don't know what I expected Kenny's home to look like, but this definitely wasn't it. It was a complete disaster of a house that sat on the edge of the town on basically a huge mound of dirt and snow. Broken glass and beer bottles were literally everywhere I could see. The house itself was an ugly, moldy green, and it appeared to be covered in actual mold as well. Several windows were cracked and bits of the roof were missing. I could just barley hear a static TV running from inside.

"Kenny doesn't really live here, does he- does she?"

"Well yeah, his family has always been here."

I shook my head. "Okay… let's just get the package so we can go."

I marched up to the molding front door and knocked. A couple seconds later I heard the stomping of feet before the door opened. A tall woman with bright red hair and a green 'I'm with Stupid' shirt stepped out. She looked very dirty and thin, but upon looking at her bright blue eyes I guessed that she had to be Kenny's mom.

"What?" she said in a scratchy voice.

"Um… we're here to pick up a package?" I said politely, holding up the envelope.

"Oh, this isn't for me," she said. "This is for the nice people who are renting the guest house out the back."

"Okay, can we go give it to them, then?"

"Sure, here's the garage key. Just don't cause any trouble."

She handed me a small, rusty key before turning and shutting the door.

"She seems… okay," I said as Butters and I walked over to the garage.

"Oh, they're nice enough," said Butters. "They just have troubles."

We walked through the door of the garage and saw another door in the back. I used the key to unlock it and stepped through. It felt like I had stepped into an episode of one of my dad's cop shows. Test tubes and chemicals everywhere, a putrid smell wafting into my nose, it was disgusting.

"Uh, these witch doctors must be cooking up a secret potion," said Butters "I wonder if it's a healing potion…"

I gave Butters an unbelievable look. I mean, really? Was he really that innocent? As I looked back into the room I saw there were only three people, two guys and a woman, all dirty and dressed poorly. They had all been looking up at me since I entered the room. I froze.

"Uh… are you the suppliers for Tweek Coffee?" I asked.

"Yeah, yeah," said the first one. "We got the package for 'em. You got the envelope?"

I scrabbled in my robes for a moment before taking out the envelope and holding it out to him. He took it and seemed to feel the envelope with his fingers. Then he squinted hard at me.

"Hey… that's not the usual kid that picks up the package."

The second guy popped up. "Huh? Oh shit, IT'S A COP!"

"What? No-!"

But the second guy had already taken a swing at me, which I dodged before smacking him with my wand. Immediately the other man and the woman stepped up, raising their fists. Looks like I wasn't getting out of this fight.

"I don't LIKE being pushed around!" Butters yelled.

I decided I wanted to put that security guard's baton to work and I took it out. I targeted the first meth head and gave him two good power attacks, which brought his health down pretty low. Butters brought out his hammer and advanced onto the same guy, giving him a good whack at the knees. This brought his health down very low. The looked furious as he took out a broken beer bottle and advanced on Butters. The meth head hit Butter's across the face, giving him a noticeable bruise, and his health was brought down to halfway. I glared at the drug dealers. Now I was pissed.

The second guy came up and tried to whack me with his plunger, but I blocked it and quickly knocked him back. The woman snarled as she threw a beer bottle at Butters, who was able to dodge it. Once it was my turn I didn't hesitate to give the first guy a good, hard hit with the baton. He was out cold in an instant, and I felt immediate satisfaction.

Butters took out what looked like a sugar packet and tore it open. He ate it and his health was back to normal. He advanced onto the second guy with his hammer and hit him right in his stomach. After getting back to his feet, the guy came at me with a broken bottle and smacked me across the face with it. I felt a sting on my nose as it was cut, but no severely. The woman ran at Butters and started Curb Stomping him over and over again. He blocked most of the kicks, but came out with a few more bruises.

I quickly ate a bag of Cheesy Poofs for some health before taking out my Dragon's Breath. I lit it up and ran at the second meth head, pelting him with sparks. He shouted something about 'police brutality' before he tripped and fell over. I smirked as I stepped back.

"By the Hammer of Butters!"

Butters ran forward and spun around several times, then let the hammer fly right into the woman's chest. It was an instant knockout, and she fell backwards just as her friends had.

"That's what you get for fucking with us," I said proudly. I turned away from them and mumbled. "Now, if I were meth-infused coffee, where would I be…?"

"Hey, is that it?"

I looked up at the shelf that Butters was pointing at and saw a large paper bag with Tweek's logo on it. Only thing is, it was too high for either of us to reach. I looked around the room and saw a ladder on the other said against the wall.

"Butters, help me move this."

Butters ran over to me and helped me pick up the ladder. It wasn't that heavy, but I wanted to be safe. We brought it over to the shelf and set it up against the wall. I climbed up, grabbed the bag and dropped it into Butters' arms.

"Got it!"

I slid down the ladder and landed on the floor. As I was dusting myself off Butters came over and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Oh gosh, your nose is bleeding."

"It's fine," I said, raising a hand to cover my nose. "It's just a scratch. I've had worse happen to me at my ball games."

Butters didn't appear to be listening. He was rummaging around in his pouch for something. A second later he pulled out what looked like a tiny, dot-shaped band aid. I stared as he walked forward and pressed it gently to my nose.

"There. Now it won't get infected."

I grinned. "Thanks. Alright, let's get back to the coffee shop."

It took us half an hour to make it back to the shop. We ended up passing a huge group of elves on our way there. We were able to take them out eventually, but we still ended up getting even more bruised up than we already were. Still, it felt good louting those bastards for some more money and supplies.

"Jesus, you guys take this game kinda seriously, huh?" I said as I handed Butters a box of cookies.

"Well, it's more than a game for us," Butters' health increased as he ate his cookies. "We take pride in all that we do, no matter how small it is. It's the only thing we have that's ours only, yah know? So we gotta give it our all."

I nodded. I felt like they took this game a little too seriously, but I understood. I mean, bruises or no bruises I was having more fun than I ever thought I would. And it didn't seem like there was much else to do around here, so I could understand why they would keep at it so much.

Once we arrived at the coffee shop we immediately went straight for the back door. Tweek was still in there, sitting on a stool while drinking some coffee. The place was still cluttered, but it seemed to be much cleaner than before. When we entered the room Tweek snapped his head up at us, then jumped out of his seat.

"You did it!" he cheered as he ran over to me and grabbed the bag. "YOU GOT THE PICKUP! Oh thanks, man!"

"No problem."

"Dad! I finished my work, can I go play?" Tweek shouted.

"Where's today's delivery?"

"Right here!"

Mr. Tweak, who had been working on something in the back corner, walked out and came over to us. He took the bag and poked a finger inside to examine it. Then he tasted it, and I groaned in disgust.

"Hm… Yup, that's good shit," he said. "Alright, Tweek, you can play for a little bit. But, be home before dark or you'll be grounded. Grounded… like the fresh grinds of our all organic Tweek blend, made with ingredients from local tweekers."

"No kidding," I muttered.

"Thanks, Ash," Tweek said quickly. "I gotta go get changed and then I'll meet you at the kingdom!"

Before I could say bye or anything, Tweek ran out of the room and left. Right as he did I felt my phone buzz. I had gained another follower.

"So, what's this Craig kid like?"

"Oh, he's alright. But he does have a bit of an attitude, and it gets him into trouble sometimes."

I nodded. I knew kids like that in New York, more than I cared to admit. Once we reached the tall blue house I marched up and knocked on the door. So much had happened today that I was prepared for just about anything that came my way this time. The door opened, and a plump man with ginger hair opened the door.

"Hey sir, is Craig here? We were wondering if he could come out and play?" I asked.

"You're lookin' for Craig? Well, he can't play, he's in detention. Something about flippin' off the principal."

And with that, he shut the door in my face. I stood there and stared for several seconds before turning to look at Butters.

"Sometimes, huh?"

He shrugged. Well, shit.