Chapter Two

December 23, 1911

Mary had grown into a very involved and loving mother, with the help of Anna and Nanny. She spent most of her time in the nursery or with her sisters. She knew her family was under the impression that she loved Patrick, but the truth was she had married him because she loved her family and wanted to make them proud. He was a nice man, and she liked him well enough. But she didn't tingle with love when she thought of him. She felt guilty for being married to a man who loved her when she didn't love him back. She kept herself involved with caring for her beloved daughter, someone she was awfully grateful Patrick had given her, thinking that showing how much her little baby still needed her at only four months would give her more time before she had to get pregnant again. Everyone loved Ellie, but she knew her husband and parents wanted an heir. As it stood, her and her daughter would not inherit but would only be given a small sum and a clothing allowance should she become widowed.

Mary had just finished nursing her daughter that afternoon, and she was rocking her baby and humming to her when Patrick entered with a smile. "Hello my darling girls. I hope you're both having quite a happy day. The snow outside is beautiful." he said, trying to make light conversation. Patrick was still hoping to have a boy in the near future, but he had contented himself to enjoy some time with Ellie for her first Christmas before asking Mary to bear him another child. Everytime he asked her to bed him in the past month, she had come up with an excuse not to, so he decided to not ask again until the holidays had passed.

"Yes, it's quite pretty. I can't wait until Ellie is older and we can play with her in the snow."

"I would like that." Patrick smiled. "I think Charlie will be quite the outdoorsy type like her mother when she's older," he added.

"Yes, I think she will be too." Mary agreed politely, choosing not to argue with him about his nickname for their daughter. She was fine with it for now while their child was still an infant but didn't want the multiple names to confuse her as she grew older. After all, it was nice to see him dote on their daughter in that moment rather than expressing his wish for a boy in their future.

When Mary set the baby into her bassinet and started down the hall, she and her husband made their way to the small library. She poured them both a cup of tea and sat down with one in hand. "I'm sorry if I've been distant lately, Patrick. Ellie takes all my attention. I know I could leave more things to Nanny, but I want to do them because I just love Ellie so much and want to be involved in her life. I hope you understand." she said softly.

"It's okay. It's a woman's prerogative to care about her children. If you didn't look after our daughter, I would think you were very aloof." he said, letting that idea linger in the air for a moment while he crafted his next words carefully. "I understand where you're coming from and why you're not ready to get pregnant again. It doesn't mean I'm not determined to have another child, but I'm willing to wait a little longer. You tell me when you're ready. Okay?"

"Okay." Mary answered. "Thank you." A small part of her wanted to get pregnant now to just get it over with. She would pray with all her heart for a boy, and if her prayers were answered, she would only have to go through labor twice in her life. But the rest of her wanted to keep her attention solely on her darling daughter for a while longer. She simply wasn't ready yet.

April 9, 1912

Mary and Patrick had resumed intimacy in February, but she had no reason to believe she was with child yet. She was glad of that but did her best not to show those feelings to her husband. She gave most of her attention to her daughter and her sisters. Sybil was 17 and would be coming out next summer. Edith was 20 and had no formal suitors, but she had a lot of shared interests with a widower named Anthony Strallan. He was 28 and clearly had affections for Edith. Mary was determined to support her sister should their parents object to Edith's desired prospects. She hoped her younger sisters would be able to marry for love rather than duty.

Today was her 22nd birthday, and it was also the last night her husband would be at Downton before heading off on a business trip to America for several months. He was so excited to be traveling there on a luxury cruise liner, and she knew he would likely spend most of the day in his dressing room with his valet double checking he had everything packed. She took that as an excuse to spend most of the day with her 8-month-old. When she arrived in the nursery, she saw Anna watching over her sleeping baby, seemingly entranced by the child. "Hello Anna. How are you today?" Mary asked.

Anna jumped slightly and turned around to face her mistress. "I'm well, m'lady. Nanny asked me to keep an eye on Miss Ellie while she popped downstairs. She's quite a lovely child. You're very lucky, m'lady."

"That I am," Mary smiled in response. "I'm sorry to have startled you. I just thought I would spend the day with Ellie."

"I think that sounds like a lovely way to spend your birthday, m'lady." Anna said. "If I was a mother, it would be how I would want to spend the day too, surrounded by my family."

"Do you want to be a mother someday?" Mary asked.

"Yes, I really do, m'lady." Anna answered comfortably, knowing that Mary was like a friend to her and wouldn't tell anyone if she expressed her true feelings. "Although I think it is not likely to happen for me, m'lady. It would mean leaving service, which I don't think I would do unless I was absolutely certain the person I was with was the love of my life."

"I'm sure it will happen when the time's right." Mary assured, giving Anna's hand a gentle squeeze. She then picked her daughter up out of her crib and sat in the rocking chair, preparing to nurse her. "Thank you, Anna, by the way. For helping me and Nanny with Ellie. And for being there for me during the birth. Should I ever have another child, I'm sure I'll need you there to get through it. You were such a calming presence for me."

"You're welcome, m'lady." Anna said. "I was just doing my job. But I have to admit, I felt very proud of you for powering through everything so well."

"I was panicked at first but you seemed sure I was going to make it through everything, and you knew exactly what I needed to make things more comfortable. How did you know what to do?"

"I was present for several of the births my mother had after me, m'lady." Anna answered.

"Oh, I didn't realize you had siblings. I'm afraid I don't know much about you." Mary admitted.

"That's quite alright m'lady." Anna assured her. "I was the first child of five, but only me and my younger sister Elizabeth, Lizzie I call her, survived past infancy."

"Oh, I am sorry." Mary said, not meaning to bring up old wounds. "Do you keep in touch with her?" she asked, trying to lighten the conversation.

"Yes, I send her a letter once a month. She's just turned 21 and has a job in a shop back home."

"What about your mother?"

"My mum, Susan, passed away about 6 months ago, m'lady." Anna said.

Mary noticed Anna seemed rather calm, maybe even relieved, to say so. Nevertheless, she still felt sorry for having brought up such a somber topic. "I'm sorry, Anna." she paused before asking, "Why didn't you go home and grieve with your sister? You still can, if you want."

"I don't, m'lady." Anna answered. "She was rather an uninvolved mum, if I'm honest. Not that I didn't love her, but I just don't feel sad about her passing. In fact, I'm rather relieved."

"I understand." Mary responded. "I'm sorry to have pried, Anna."

"It's quite alright, m'lady. In fact, it felt rather good to tell someone how I was feeling. Thanks for listening, m'lady." she said with a smile before exiting and going about her duties.

That evening, Mary was feeling rather excited to have dinner with her family as she walked down the stairs in her navy blue gown. She knew her favorite desserts were going to be on the menu, and she would have an opportunity to dance to her favorite song afterwards because the three sisters had recently teamed up to convince their parents to purchase a new gramophone. She was usually not this bubbly, but tonight was different. This birthday was special because it was her first birthday as a mother. And she also felt glad that she would be free to spend time with Ellie without the pressure of producing an heir for the next few months. Patrick was leaving on the early train tomorrow morning, headed for Southampton. He would be boarding a ship and having the time of his life on the way to America. For a moment, she felt somewhat guilty that the thought of her husband going abroad made her feel excited, but she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind, determined to have a good time.

The night went smashingly well. She enjoyed the decadent treats Mrs. Patmore had prepared especially for her and danced until midnight, switching back and forth between her husband and Mr. Napier as dance partners. It was her first real soiree since she had had Ellie, and she was glad of a change in routine from the standard of giving her daughter her nightly feed and being in bed by eleven. By the time she had gotten changed for bed, her husband was already asleep, resting up before his early start the next day.