Maybe This Time

Chapter 10

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She's smilin' like she used to smile way back then

She's feelin' like she used to feel way back when

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Harvey rounded the corner towards his office. It was Saturday and he was dressed in chinos and a burgundy red merino v-neck. He's just here to pick up some paperwork that needs his signature.

Yesterday had been so jam-packed that he forgot. His morning was spent in court and where normally on a Friday he leaves the office early to spend time and have dinner at his friends' house, he had arranged to meet Emily. It hadn't been an easy conversation. She is a great person. One he could easily spend his life with if it weren't for the fact that he was already in love with another woman. He so much as admitted that when she prodded him and Emily being the kind person she is, had totally respected his decision but had demanded the full story. He ended up canceling dinner at the Ross residence so it would be his next stop of today.

He was about to step absentmindedly into his office when his eyes were automatically drawn to the left.

Donna Paulsen, Chief Operating Officer. He couldn't begin to explain how good it felt just to have her name in print again at his firm. Never mind the euphoria of actually having her around in person. Of course, he would be back to loving her from a distance. He had done that before, he could do it again. Or could he really?

The man that had been content with the status quo was a man with issues, not worthy, not willing to risk it.

He was not that man anymore so would he still be okay with her presence at arm's length? A sigh escaped him. She had made her choice so it would just have to be.

Pushing open his own door, his eyes suddenly swiveled back to hers. He bolted into his office, swept the files into his briefcase, and ran downstairs to take a taxi to Brooklyn.

…

"Harvey, just in time," Aubrey told him as she and Mike opened the door.

He chuckled and stepped inside.

"We built a massive tower out of Duplos and are about to let it smash."

"Wouldn't want to miss that, would we?" Harvey shrugged out of his coat and had barely hung it on the coat rack when Aubrey grabbed his hand and pulled him into the living room.

He did a quick scan of the room but Donna was nowhere in sight.

Rachel was sitting on the sofa with Ella leaning against her legs, thumb in mouth, Alfie stuffed under her arm. She was both tired and anxiously waiting for that tower to go down.

Mike coaxed Aubrey to try to blow the tower over to see if she has superpowers. Aubrey, always up for a challenge, set about to use all the air she has in her lungs.

Harvey sat down in front of the sofa, not too far away from Ella.

"Do you think she can do it?" he asked the youngest in the room while her sister huffed and puffed.

Ella immediately responded with a fierce shake of the head.

"You are a smart cookie," Rachel said affectionately, stroking Ella's hair.

Aubrey put her hands on her waist. "Heard all that," she told them off.

She geared herself up, broke into a run, and hurled her body into the tower. The whole thing came down with a thunderous crash.

"Well, that oughta do it," Mike quipped as Aubrey was running around in the remains of the tower, kicking all the pieces in every direction.

With Aubrey occupied, shrieking loudly, Harvey took his chance and cornered his friends. "Did you perhaps forget to tell me something?"

"Like what?"

"Oh, I don't know. About a certain redhead getting a divorce?"

Mike dropped to his knees, sticking his head under the couch.

Harvey looked at Rachel but she averted her eyes.

Mike was now flat on his belly collecting Duplo pieces as Harvey beckoned Aubrey closer and pointed at Mike's back. The four-year-old got the hint and plopped herself down on Mike's backside.

"Oomph!" Mike groaned.

Ella decided this was fun and joined her sister. Together they hopped up and down.

"Alright girls, that's enough," Mike said, attempting to look backward, hitting his head loudly, forgetting he was still very much stuck underneath a piece of furniture.

"Fine Harvey, the answer is yes," Mike grumbled. "Would be nice if this was the last time we are stuck in the middle of you two not communicating," his muffled voice stated.

"Oh, I'd say you are stuck alright," Harvey didn't even try to suppress his laughter. "How about we take these whirlwinds to the playground at Prospect Park?" He looked at Rachel. "To give you some peace. Or would Donna object?"

"I'm sure she's okay with it. I'm not expecting her back for a while."

"Playground is always a good idea!" Aubrey yelled as she dived into the hallway to grab her boots and coat.

Mike had finally extracted himself from underneath the sofa and dusted off his clothes. "Well, I guess I don't have a choice, do I?" He raised his eyebrows at Harvey. "Because there is no way I will let you go alone with two kids. You can never keep up, at your age."

"Your Uncle Mike is such a funny man." Harvey winked at Aubrey and Ella, who sat on the floor pulling on their shoes.

Fifteen minutes later, all jackets had been buttoned, all laces tied, Ella was strapped into a stroller, courtesy of Rachel alerting them the walk would be too far for her, and they were off.

Harvey pushed Ella, nodding to a for-sale sign across the street. "That one has been on the market a while now, hasn't it?"

Mike bobbed his head. "It's owned by an older couple and it isn't very up to date. I think they are asking too much for it."

"I wish my mommy could buy that." Aubrey sighed. "It would be very cool to live so close to you Uncle Mike." She skipped along beside them. "It would also be closer to Brooklyn Heights Montessori School. We emailed my admission form this morning. But mom says Brooklyn Heights is the Upper East Side of Brooklyn and we can't afford a house there. We can't afford a house with a garden either. But I guess that's okay. She's looking at apartments for us right now. You live in an apartment right, Harvey?"

"Yes, I do. I think as long as you have your mom and sister, you'll be fine anywhere."

Aubrey pondered this. "I think you are right." She ran ahead, suddenly stopped, and looked at Harvey. "Where do you live?"

He cleared his throat. "Upper East Side," he admitted, slightly embarrassed.

"Wow," the strawberry blonde girl whispered in awe. "Do you have a butler too?"

Harvey chuckled. "No, I don't." He burst her bubble.

"Well, you can't be that rich then," Aubrey announced as she ran off again.

An hour later, they were back on Carroll Street.

Mike was pushing Ella, who fell asleep on the way back, and Harvey had swept Aubrey up on his shoulders when she complained of tired feet.

"I want to look inside." Harvey nudged Mike's shoulder.

"Where?" Mike asked bewildered.

"The brownstone, across the street."

Mike's eyes opened wide.

"Think they'll let me in if I just ring the bell?"

Mike's eyes were saucers by now.

Above Harvey's head, Aubrey clapped her hands. "I want to look too. Let's ring it." She was shifting excitedly up there.

Harvey was already crossing the street and Mike had no choice but to follow suit with Ella in tow.

Five minutes later, Harvey had smooth-talked his way in and they were admiring the crown moldings in the living room.

The interior was old and a bit neglected. There was a lot that needed to be done before it would be suitable for anyone that valued twenty-first century standards.

Aubrey pulled Mike towards the backdoor. "Look there's a swingset. Can we have a look?"

The male owner shuffled in their direction and opened the door.

"You might need to replace that," his wife informed Harvey. "It's been used by our grandchildren but they are all grown up by now."

Harvey looked outside. Aubrey had already roped Mike into giving her a big push.

"You four make a lovely family. They come in all different kinds of sizes these days, don't they?"

The lady gestured towards the stairs. "Want to see the rest?"

It took Harvey a second to realize what she indicated and he opened his mouth when Mike appeared in the doorway. "Yes Honey, why don't you check out upstairs? I'll watch the kids down here."

…

"So, Harvey spent the day with my children?" Donna quizzed Rachel.

"Yes. He did ask if you would be okay with it and I told him yes considering…"

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine," Donna replied. She popped a few M&Ms in her mouth. "I noticed the for sale sign across the street is gone."

Rachel looked up from stirring the carbonara sauce, narrowing her eyes. "Is it? I didn't notice. But why does that matter to you?"

"It doesn't." Donna shrugged. "I couldn't afford it in a million years but man it would be a nice place to live."

"I'm leaving," Harvey announced with his coat already on.

Donna was surprised. "Not staying for dinner?" He knocked the wind out of her sails.

"I think it's best not to." Harvey kissed Rachel's cheek. "See you Tuesday night," he said softly, implying he'd stay again once Donna left.

Donna's face fell as he departed. Rachel was gesturing and making faces for her to go after him.

She hesitated and then ran towards the door.

"Harvey!" she called out as he descended the stairs.

He turned around on the bottom step. She bit her lip, standing in the doorway. He gave her an expectant look.

"Why am I so afraid to lose you, when you are not even mine?" she blurted out.

Harvey arched an eyebrow at her sudden admission.

"I don't know." He shoved his hands in his jacket. "Why are you?"

She tipped her head to the side, tugging her blouse, as she weighed her reply. She pulled the front door almost closed and inched a bit forward.

"I feel more myself with you. I trust you with me. You make me… feel… things."

Harvey's eyebrows squished together. "Things?" he said, his tone slightly bemused.

Donna shuffled her feet. She descended two steps, then decided to stay put and crossed her arms.

"You were right to step away in January. I wasn't ready. Pretty ironic huh, me needing to heal and deal?"

Harvey kept quiet, giving her a blank look.

"I know you have a girlfriend and maybe that is the universe telling us something, I don't know." She scrunched up her nose. "But you walk in and my heart beats different."

Harvey's gaze probed into her. His lips pressed into a tight grimace.

She raked her hand through the loose strands of her bun, twisting them, tucking them behind her ear.

"I just want you to know that I think… maybe… you can always come back. To me." Her voice was soft. "Not that I'm gonna stay waiting exactly I guess, but if you came to me next month and told me you loved me and asked me to be yours, I'm pretty sure I would drop everything for you."

She rubbed her clammy hands down her legs, her mouth completely dry as Harvey stayed silent.

Her eye twitched nervously. "I'm sorry, I know it isn't fair of me to do this now. Our timing has always been shitty. Me telling you this had a selfish motive." Digging her nails into her palm, she sniffled. "Can't blame a girl for trying right?" And with that she ran upstairs, making a beeline for the door before she completely broke down.

"What if I came to you today?" his gentle voice called out.