Chapter Eight

March 21, 1914

"Are you excited for tonight?" Anna asked Mary as she got ready for dinner at Downton.

"I am rather. This is a big deal for Matthew, so I'm excited to see how it goes." Mary smiled as she pinned her earrings on. "Although, I'm a little anxious about making conversation with someone new. Our dinners have been just family for a while now."

"I'm sure it'll be fine." Anna gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze and a kind smile full of love and reassurance. Mary leaned in then and kissed her wife.

"I love you."

"I love you too," Anna said as she gently wiped a smudge from the corner of Mary's mouth. "Best be off with you or I'll never let you leave." she teased with a mischievous wink.

"I'm going. I just want to say goodbye to Ellie first." With that, the couple went downstairs where Thomas was sitting in a chair in the living room bouncing their daughter gently on his knee. Mary thanked him for watching her and scooped her up gently, cuddling their cheeks together. "Mummy loves you darling. Be good for Anna mummy and Thomas while I'm away."

"She will. She's always good. Aren't you darling?" Anna said. Ellie nodded. "See. And you'll only be gone for a few hours."

"I know. But no matter how many times I go for dinner, it never gets easier to leave you both."

Anna smiled. "I love you." she whispered and Mary returned her affectionate words. Then, Anna disappeared into the kitchen and Mary was left holding her daughter in the foyer. She heard a knock and went to the door. Usually she let Thomas open the door to keep up appearances, but she was right there. "Ah, Matthew," she smiled at her cousin, "Come in. I was just saying bye to Ellie before I left."

"I'm sorry to push in. I wanted you to meet Kemal beforehand." Suddenly Mary noticed the handsome Turk round the corner and stand behind Matthew on the doorstep, flashing a smile.

"That's perfectly alright. The both of you come in, and have a drink." They entered and she closed the door. She walked over to the sofa and motioned for them to join her. There was a table behind the sofa with a few decanters of whiskey and brandy and glasses, which was mostly just for show, but she motioned for them to help themselves. She sat and settled Ellie onto her lap while they got themselves a drink. She pulled a silly face at her daughter, which brought out a giggle from her.

"She's beautiful." Kemal said.

"Yes, inside and out." Mary beamed with pride as she looked down at Ellie. "I'm very lucky."

Matthew introduced her to Kemal properly then, and they chatted briefly about the reason for his visit and his work in diplomacy. He seemed nice enough, but Mary would rather stay home with her little family. She knew that wasn't an option, though, and she knew it was important for Matthew that tonight went well. He wanted a promotion at work, to begin working in international law, which would likely hinge on his ability to aid the ambassador in the coming days. So, she made polite conversation and listened as Mr. Pamuk gloated about his accomplishments.

Anna entered from the kitchen, having been too busy preparing dinner to even realize they had guests. "Mary, you forgot your gloves on the table." she said absentmindedly. When she looked up and saw their guests, she stood still for a second but then immediately went into lady's maid mode. It was important to keep up appearances, which she now realized might be difficult to do when she wasn't in uniform. Maybe they would think she had just come from the village. "Here you are, m'lady." Anna said, handing Mary her gloves. "Do you want me to take Miss Ellie?"

"Heavens, look at the time. I'm afraid we must get to dinner soon or Papa will have our heads." Mary let out a soft chuckle, trying to play things off to the men. "Yes please, Anna, thank you."

Anna gently scooped Ellie from Mary's lap. "Have a good night, m'lady." The others rose and made their way out the door as she carried Ellie towards the kitchen and whispered into her daughter's ear, "Let's get you fed little one."

Anna, Thomas, and Ellie had a small, quiet meal together. After they had eaten, Thomas went out to a bar while Anna took Ellie upstairs for a bath and a bedtime story. Once she was confident Ellie was sound asleep, she went back downstairs to do the dishes. Then, she dressed for bed and sat on the sofa with her book to wait for Mary. After an hour of reading, Anna began to feel sleepy and looked over at the grandfather clock by the front door. It was nearing eleven, so she figured her wife must have been having a very good time. Mary was usually home earlier than this. Even though she missed her wife and wanted to greet her as she came home, Anna contemplated going up to bed. She was awfully tired.

She had just stood to go upstairs when she heard a knock on the door. It was unusual for Mary to not use her key, but Anna supposed maybe she had forgotten it. She pulled her robe tighter around her, hoping none of the cold outside air would have time to make its way into their home. She pulled the door open, speaking as she did so. "Darling, I've missed you." But when she looked up, she saw that the person at her door was not her wife. "Oh, Mr. Pamuk, I didn't know you were coming by. It's late."

"This time of night is when all the fun happens." he responded as he pushed the door open further and came inside before shutting it behind him.

"I, I don't know what you mean." Anna tried to sound innocent, hoping he would leave her alone when he realized she wasn't interested. "Can I get you anything before you go on your way?"

"I guess I'll have to show you," he said, ignoring her question and grabbing her wrist. "You can't truly be happy with Mary in your bed. Maybe you need a man to show you some real pleasure."

Anna wasn't sure how he had figured out the truth of her and Mary's relationship, but it scared her. She did her best not to let her fear show through. "If you must know, she makes me very happy. Now go, please." She snatched her arm away and uttered an excuse to get him to leave, "My daughter needs me."

"I'm not going anywhere." he said with a crooked grin. "And she's not your daughter." He took both her wrists this time. Anna tried to pull away, but he grabbed even tighter. She let out a yelp.

"Let me go. Please, let me go." she cried as she trashed about while he pushed her towards the wall. As he lifted her onto an end table up against the wall, he forced kisses onto her lips and slapped her thighs as she tried to wriggle out of his grasp. He forced her legs open with one hand and held her torso upright against the wall with the other. She screamed loudly as he entered her and then began to sob as he had his way with her.

Mary was being escorted home by Matthew. They were chatting about the evening. "Tonight went rather well. I think Kemal will be useful tomorrow at the Albanian talks. And the whole family seems to like him." Matthew stated.

"Well he certainly excused himself much earlier than the rest of us. I'm certain he will have plenty of sleep before the big day tomorrow." Mary commented.

They were only a few steps away from the door when Mary heard her wife's sobs and muffled screams. Her heart raced in her chest as she anxiously opened the door and burst into her house, Matthew just a couple steps behind. "Darling, what's wr-"

"Mary!" Anna shouted, her terrified eyes meeting her wife's over Kemal's shoulder. She was about to ask for help but couldn't manage to get the word out before she cried out in pain.

"Get off of her." Mary screamed as she and Matthew ran over to pull Mr. Pamuk off of Anna. It was a bit of a struggle, but they got him off of her and Matthew held Kemal tightly with his hands behind his back.

"I didn't get to finish." he huffed. "I wanted to give Anna the complete love making experience."

"Shut up." Matthew shouted.

"You call forcing yourself on a woman love making?" Mary shrieked. "Screw you. Get out."

"I don't have to listen to you." Kemal insisted. "You weren't the one who invited me in."

"No one invited you in." Anna mumbled.

"What was that?" he taunted.

"She said no one invited you in. Get out, now." Mary spat. "Matthew, make sure he can't hurt anyone else at the Abbey. And rid Downton of this scum as soon as you possibly can."

"I certainly will,'' he said and proceeded to walk Pamuk to the door. "You bastard" he cursed at Kemal through gritted teeth.

When Matthew had walked out the door, Mary turned back around to face her wife. "My darling," she said as she gently touched Anna's shoulder. "We should get you to the hospital."

"No," Anna said, slinking off the table and away from Mary. "I'll be fine. I just need to be alone."

"I hardly think being alone will solve anything, Anna." Mary stated softly. "You could be seriously hurt, we should get you checked ou-"

"No. Please, Mary, just listen to me." Anna begged in loud exasperation. "If you want to help, go check on Ellie. Make sure she's not scared after what she may have heard." Anna rushed out of the room and into the drawing room, leaving Mary standing alone. Mary stood there in shock for a moment. She wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn't come. Finally, she went upstairs.

Later, Mary stood in the doorway of the drawing room watching as Anna cried on the sofa. She spoke softly, not wanting to startle her wife. "Ellie is fine. She seems to have slept through it all. I held her for a few minutes just in case it gave her some subconscious comfort, though."

Anna didn't look up. "That's good."

"Darling, are you sure you're fine?"

"No," Anna shook her head as she told the truth, "I'm not fine. I'm soiled."

Mary walked further into the room. "Anna, you could never be soiled, not in my eyes. You are perfect. And only made more perfect by how strong you are to go through this."

"You and Ellie don't deserve me." Anna spoke through tears.

"My darling, it is us who don't deserve you." Mary reassured her. "You are the most loving wife and mother there ever was."

"But I'm not a mother, not truly anyways."

"Yes, you are. Did he tell you you're not?" Anna nodded. "You may not be Ellie's natural mother, but you were there for her birth. You have been there for her since day one, and that makes you just as much her mother as I am."

"Do you really believe that?" Anna asked, a hopeful desire in her tone.

"Of course." Mary assured her, looking into her eyes, which were no longer full of the terror they had been earlier but were still full of sadness. Their eye contact lingered for a moment before Anna broke their silence.

"There's something I've never told you." Anna confessed somberly, fixing her eyes to the floor once more.

"What is it, my darling?" Mary asked in a kind, soft tone.

"I know I haven't told you much about my childhood. It's honestly hard for me to talk about." Anna sniffled and looked up into her wife's eyes. Mary's eyes were brimming with tears but Anna found them full of reassurance. She held her hand out for Mary, who instantly took it and gave it a gentle squeeze as she sat down at her wife's side.

"You can tell me anything, love."

Anna took a deep breath and continued, "My father died when I was 6. And when I was 8, my mum remarried. My stepfather was a heavy drinker, and he made a lot of poor choices. But he had my mum wrapped around his finger. To her, he could do no wrong. But he did."

"What did he do?"

"It wasn't much at first. Eyeing me when I was in my nightgown in the sitting room, forcing me to give him a hug goodnight. But when I was 11, things got worse. He.. he.." Anna began stuttering as tears welled up in her eyes and a lump formed in her throat. Finally, she choked out, "he touched me." With that, Anna broke down into sobs on her wife's shoulder. Mary held her close and rubbed her back. It pained her to see her wife hurting so much, and to hear that this wasn't the first time she had been violated.

When Anna had calmed down some, Mary spoke. "Did you tell your mother?"

"After it happened twice, I finally got the courage to confide in her. But she didn't believe me." Anna sadly informed her. "Or maybe she did but didn't show it. He was our source of income, so she couldn't leave him." she added, trying to give her mum some credit. "She suggested I go into service, so when I turned 12, I did. I worked at a manor house a few towns over, until I decided I needed to go somewhere further from those memories and came to Downton at 14."

"I'm so sorry, Anna. I'm very proud of you for telling me. I know it is hard to relive that trauma." Mary stated as she looked into Anna's eyes. "Can I ask one more question?" Anna nodded. "Did your stepfather ever enter you?"

"No, not like what happened tonight. But he did touch me…down there." she answered, looking at the floor once again.

"I'm so sorry, Anna. I want you to know that none of this is your fault." Mary soothed, cupping Anna's face gently and lifting her chin so their eyes could meet. "All the blame lies solely with the monsters who hurt you. I promise you I will do everything in my power to make sure no one ever hurts you again."

"Thank you, love. I needed to hear that." Anna breathed as Mary's words sank in. "I love you."

"I love you too." she replied and caressed Anna's hand. "Let's get you cleaned up and into bed."

"Okay. Thank you." Anna went upstairs with Mary. While she gently helped Anna out of her night clothes she saw the bruises on Anna's wrists and thighs. She helped ease Anna in the bathtub and saw her relax as the warm water soothed some of the pain. Mary wet a rag and rung it out. She held it near Anna's face and searched her eyes for permission to help her wash up. "Yes," Anna said, acknowledging her wife's unspoken question. Mary gently washed Anna's face, neck, and back before handing the rag to Anna. "Thank you," Anna said as she took the rag and used it to wash her privates. She winced and Mary's heart stung at the sight of her wife in pain.

"I'm so sorry, my love." she said.

"It's okay, Mary. There's nothing you could have done to stop it. He's a monster, that's not your fault." Anna said. "Please don't see me as a victim, love. I am a survivor. We will move past this with time and patience."

"You are the strongest woman I know, Anna, a true survivor." Mary said. She gently helped Anna get out of the tub and dry off before placing a clean nightgown over her. "Are you sure you don't want to press charges?" she asked as she guided Anna into bed.

"I can't. He's a diplomat. It would be his word against mine."

"But Matthew and I can attest to your story and character." Mary stated. "And if you don't, he could use his position to get away with doing it to someone else."

"I know, but it would be hard for me to go to trial. It's too public."

"What if we kept it out of the public? There are ways to be discreet about it."

"I'll think about it." Anna stated as she settled under the covers. "Will you hold me?"

"Of course, darling. As long as you're sure it won't be too traumatic for you."

"I'm sure." Anna stated confidently. "I need you." With that, Mary quickly changed into her nightgown and got into bed to comfort her wife. Anna snuggled into her wife, who stroked her arm lightly. In time, Anna's breathing slowed and she drifted off into slumber.

Anna sat up with a start, covered in sweat, and she had wriggled away from Mary's comforting hold during her fitful sleep. The nightmare had terrified her more than any nightmare she had ever had before. She looked over at Mary, who had awoken upon hearing her wife's terrified moans during the nightmare. "I'm right here, love." Mary said groggily and reached her hand out of the covers for Anna to hold. Anna took it instantly.

"Thank God." Anna said as she squeezed her wife's hand lovingly and a few quiet sobs escaped her. Mary sat up beside her and gently placed an arm around her shoulders, and Anna cuddled into her. Anna noticed Mary had tears brimming over her eyelids too, emotions that hadn't come out earlier now spilling out. She gently reached up and wiped Mary's tears.

"Don't worry about me, darling." Mary wiped Anna's tears too and gave the tip of her nose a soft kiss. "I just hate to see you hurting. But I'm right here. You never have to hide your pain from me. I'll always be here." She kissed her wife's hairline and held her close. "I'm right here."

"But that's exactly why we can't go to the police, Mary." Anna said and looked up into her wife's eyes as she continued, "I need you. And because I need you, I cannot risk us being separated. Especially not right now."

"But we won't be separated, darling." Mary stated lovingly. "He'll be dealt with and that's that."

"But he won't be dealt with." Anna insisted. "Not when he can say that we are illegal lovers, and he was simply engaging in an action which would turn me 'good' again."

"He knows about us?" She received a nod from Anna. "Oh my darling, I'm so sorry."

"He said I couldn't possibly be happy with you in my bed." Anna revealed sadly. It hurt to say, even if she was just repeating what her attacker had said. She loved her wife more than she could ever possibly explain and couldn't bear the thought of hurting her. "But I told him I was very happy indeed. Then he..he said I needed a man to show me real pleasure." she sobbed.

"Oh my love, you are so very strong to go through that." Mary assured her as she gave her comforting cuddles and kisses to the temple.

"But I need you to give me strength now that it's over. You give me a reason to heal." Anna stated. "And in a world where you were taken from me, like in my dream just now, I don't think I could go on without you."

"Do you want to talk about your dream a little more? It might help you feel better to get those fears out, even though I promise that I'll always be here."

"You were taken from me. I relived what happened and then he went out and told everybody about us. We were engulfed in scandal, your parents had shunned us, and then we went to prison." she said before tears brimmed in her eyes once more. "And Ellie was in an orphanage because your parents refused to claim her, so she was just sitting in the corner of a gray room all alone. I think that was maybe the worst part. The two of you are my world, and my world could so easily be taken from me if anything got out."

"I know us being together is a huge risk at times, but we're safe here." Mary said. "Matthew might have figured it out after tonight, but he won't tell a soul. This house is our sanctuary where we can just be us. And it's a safe place for Thomas too. We're not surrounded by anyone who can catch us out. You and Ellie are my world too, and I promise we will never be separated."

"Good." Anna said and lifted her chin up to press a kiss to Mary's lips. "I love you, and I need you in my life, now more than ever."

"I love you, too." Mary responded and kissed her wife's forehead. "I'll always be here."