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Chapter 65: Hyperbolic Plot Device
"AAAAAAAHHHHHH-"
"STOP SCREAMING!" Lucy slapped them both, shutting them up.
(cut to Bulma's house where she, Dr. Briefs, and Krillin are reviewing the schematics Krillin brought back from Dr. Gero's hidden lab)
BULMA: Wait, so you're saying he had a sub-lab?
DR. BRIEFS: Of course he had a sub-lab. We all have sub-labs. Where do you think I keep your mother's clones?
"Wait what?"
BULMA: Mom's what?
DR. BRIEFS: (quickly) Don't go in the basement. (looks through the schematics) Oh look, there's bombs in the androids! I could probably make a detonator for that.
"Ignoring what he just said earlier, please go and make those detonators," Levy said.
"But, I thought we didn't want 17 and 18 dead?" Happy brought up.
"We don't want to kill the present time ones. The future ones can burn in hell," Gajeel responded.
KRILLIN: I don't know, do you really have to blow them up?
"Wait? Wasn't Krillin at Kame House? Why is he at Bulma's?" Wendy asked.
"I think we're being shown what happened before and during Krillin's dream," Levy answered the teen.
DR. BRIEFS: Why do you care? They're mostly just machinery at this point. Whoops, 'cept for the lady. Babymaker's still intact; guess she's still useful for somethin'!
"Ignoring the obvious sexism in that statement. Weird how that was left untouched," Kagura mentions.
"Do you think 17's extension still works too?" Cana asked with a perverted grin. Her question makes some of the other females blush at the thought.
KRILLIN: So you're saying she still has a-
DR. BRIEFS: Vagina, yes.
KRILLIN: ...Just went from a nine to a ten.
The perverted men all agreed with Krillin, silently.
BULMA: Ugh. Anyway, where's everyone else right now?
KRILLIN: Well, Piccolo and the others are searching for Cell...
(cut to Piccolo and Tien in a ravaged theme park)
PICCOLO: How are all these rides still running?
TIEN: Why are the clothes still on them?
PICCOLO: This is supposed to be a place of fun
"Exactly and Cell ruined it!" Wendy and Romeo screamed. Staring tragically at the ruined attraction park.
(back to Krillin)
KRILLIN: So, hopefully that's going well. And Trunks went off to find Vegeta...
(cut to Trunks sitting a considerable distance away from Vegeta)
TRUNKS: NOTICE ME!
VEGETA: ...NOOOO!
Some of the mages couldn't help, but laugh at the interaction.
"I'll admit, that was a bit funny," Gildarts said.
(back to Krillin)
KRILLIN: Best of luck there...
BULMA: And any update on Goku?
"Probably still screaming and having weird dreams," Minerva answered.
(cut to Chi-Chi getting some water in a bucket at Kame House)
KRILLIN: Oh, he's just resting at Kame House. Probably still asleep.
(there a loud rumbling that causes Chi-Chi to fall on the floor)
CHI-CHI: Ah! The androids are here! Bring it on, you robotic sons of- huh? (rushes upstairs and opens the door to see that Goku is gone) Oh, no! They've already got him! (looks out the window) Ah!
MASTER ROSHI: Did I miss somethin'? (looks out the window and sees the ocean splitting apart) Well, either Goku's awake or Moses has brought the Jews. Either way, my pantry's not full enough. (Chi-Chi looks down and gasps) Hmm?
(Goku is seen fully awake and standing in front of the splitting ocean)
"He's awake!" Erza gasped at the sight of the Earth Saiyan. Jellal grumbled a bit at the look of pure happiness in her eyes.
CHI-CHI: Goku! (jumps out the window)
GOKU: Oh, hi! (Chi-Chi runs up and hugs him while laughing) Aw, hugs are nice.
It was a heartwarming scene for the mages to witness. Especially nice since Goku and Chi-Chi didn't have many scenes just showing them being a happy couple.
"Bet you wish that was you," Minerva grinned. The Scarlet Knight sputtered with a red face at Minerva's teasing.
CHI-CHI: Oh, tell me you're finally okay!
GOKU: (picks Chi-Chi up) Yeah-huh! Never felt better! Wanna see?
CHI-CHI: (as Goku starts swinging her around) Hold on- (Goku accidentally throws her into the sky) AAAH!
GOKU: Huh... Wonder when she'll come back do-
(shows Chi-Chi getting launched into outer space, catching on fire as she leaves the atmosphere, which causes Goku to become pale with shock)
"Oh...you might want to run," Macao paled.
"Hehe, reminds me of Lucy and Natsu," Mira giggled.
"Ah!? I-It's nothing like us! Right, Natsu!?" Lucy turned to the son of Igneel.
"Huh? What are you talking about, Lucy? I spin you around like that all the time!" He laughed at Lucy's red face.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to the androids driving through a lush forest)
ANDROID 18: I can't believe you took this thing off-roading! This thing barely handled on the freeway!
ANDROID 17: Oh, come on, 18. Where's your sense of adventure?
ANDROID 18: About 15 miles back with the shocks!
"Always gotta complain," Macao thought back to his ex-wife.
ANDROID 16: I personally enjoy this alternate route. It is dense with foliage and wildlife, and... (Android 18 fires a blast that destroys the entire forest) ...and spending time with you. But clearly, you disagree.
"I agree with 16. There was no reason to destroy the forest," Lisanna huffed.
ANDROID 17: Won't lie, sis... Kind of a dick move.
ANDROID 18: Aw, come on. We'll take him to a zoo after this. How's that? You wanna hit up the zoo, 16?
ANDROID 16: ...I want to see the parrots.
"The zoo doesn't compare to the actual forest," Lisanna grumbled.
(cut back to Kame House with Goku putting on his gi)
MASTER ROSHI: Goku, you have missed a hell of a day!
GOKU: Oh, I knew everything. I learned it in my Wizard dream. I was having a Firefighter dream, too, but it felt like I was being watched, so it ended. (Goku's head turns to the screen. Almost as if he's looking at something...or someone. Quickly he turned to look back at his wife.)
The uncomfortable feeling from before crept back into the guild. As if Goku really was aware of them or at least had a faint idea of their existence.
But...wouldn't that mean that these events aren't fictional and actually have happened….?
CHI-CHI: (somehow surviving her expedition to outer space) All right, now listen, I know you just woke up, so...
GOKU: Yeah, I was out of permission for a while. I really oughta get back to training. (Chi-Chi growls angrily)
"Strike one," Gajeel held up a finger.
GOKU: So I can fight Cell! (Chi-Chi growls louder while shaking angrily)
"Strike two," Gajeel held up two fingers.
GOKU: What? If- if you're worried about Gohan, I'll bring him along with me.
CHI-CHI: *sighs* Fine.
"Hm...seems he's learning," Gajeel smirked.
GOKU: (dumbfounded on what he had just heard) Huh?
CHI-CHI: Go ahead, go train, take Gohan, fight your evil android bug-monster! But I want you to promise me one thing...
GOKU: Okay... What's that?
CHI-CHI: I want another baby!
THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD
Multiple jaws hit the ground at Chi-Chi's request. None of them saw this coming at all. All of the fathers in the guild were sweating nervously, thinking about when they either found out they had a kid(Gildarts) or when they're child was on the way. Being told by your wife that she wants another always brings a sense of nervousness.
Gajeel and Levy looked at one another. "We'll wait to see how this one turns out," They both decided.
"GRAAAAYYY! LET'S HAVE LOTS OF BABIES!" Juvia hugged the ice user tightly. Pink hearts appear around the two.
"W-W-WHAT!?" Gray's entire face was red at the proclamation of Juvia.
Erza blushed madly at the thought and coincidentally her gaze met Jellal's. Both powerful mages who went toe-to-toe with the King of Dragon's himself were blushing like a couple of teenagers.
Yukino and Sting refused to make eye contact with one another, both blushing at the thought of having a child.
"Hmmm...Ya know…" Mira started.
"I wouldn't exactly mind…" Laxus started.
"Having a child…" They looked at each other for a second, before shrugging and turning back to the screen.
Natsu sat still and turned his head to look at Lucy. When she looked back he quickly turned his attention back to the screen, his head stuck deep in thought. Lucy could only at him confused.
GOKU: Hmm... Hmm... 'Kay, bye! (teleports out)
"One way to scare off a man," Macao huffs.
MASTER ROSHI: Uh... Was that a yes?
CHI-CHI: It wasn't a no…
"She's getting it one way or another," Minerva observed the red faces of Erza and Jellal. Laughing her ass off.
MASTER ROSHI: Hmm... Hmm... 'Kay, bye!
(cut to Krillin, Yamcha, Piccolo, Tien, and Gohan flying in a plane)
KRILLIN: Thanks for swinging by to pick me up!
YAMCHA: What were you doing at Bulma's house, anyway?
KRILLIN: Oh, just dropping off the bluegina- I mean, vagprints- I mean, thanks for swinging by to pick me up!
"Nice save," Bickslow commented.
PICCOLO: This is bad. We can't just keep running after Cell. Every time he slips away, we lose another city!
TIEN: Don't be so melodramatic. Worst case scenario, we wish people back with the DragonBalls.
"Who's gonna tell him?" Romeo asked.
PICCOLO: Uh...
KRILLIN: Oh God, what?
PICCOLO: So, remember how Kami and I fused?
TIEN: No...
"Yeah…" Lily winced.
PICCOLO: And remember how we used to have DragonBalls?
TIEN: Holy shit...
KRILLIN: Wait, I'm still confused.
"No more DragonBalls, Krillin!" Lucy yelled.
TIEN: The DragonBalls don't exist anymore, Krillin!
KRILLIN: (in an extremely high-pitched voice) Oh. Okay...
YAMCHA: Dude, don't worry. I still have the bunker.
"Yeah, that's gonna do wonders against Cell," Laxus scoffed.
KRILLIN: WHY DON'T WE HAVE GOKU?!
(Goku teleports in)
GOKU: I'm taking Gohan, bye! (teleports out)
GOHAN: What? (teleports out with Goku, leaving everyone else surprised on what just happened)
"Welp, you have a Goku!" Lisanna giggled.
PICCOLO: Good news, we have Goku.
KRILLIN: Bitchin'! Let's go hang at Kame House!
"That explains that part of the story," Levy said.
KAMI: (Oh, good. We'll have to see if he's carrying.)
PICCOLO: (thinking) Carrying what?
KAMI: (I'm asking if he's got any grass on that island.)
PICCOLO: (thinking) Well, yeah, but it's mostly covered by that house.
"Does...he not know about drugs?" Mira asked.
NAIL: (He's asking if he has any pot.)
PICCOLO: (thinking) I don't know, probably. I mean, he knows the Mafūba.
KAMI: (Oh, my God.)
NAIL: (The what?)
"Yeah? The what?" Levy wanted to know.
(cut to Trunks still watching Vegeta from a distance as Goku and Gohan appear behind him)
TRUNKS: Huh?
GOHAN: What just happened?
TRUNKS: Goku? And Gohan?
GOKU: I'll fill you in later, Gohan. Hey, Trunks! How's the training coming?
TRUNKS: I don't know, let's see. Hey, Dad, do you want to train with me?
VEGETA: F**K OFF!
"That says it all, honestly," Makarov sighed.
TRUNKS: About that well.
GOKU: Ooo, only on two words, huh? I'll go talk to him. (heads over to Vegeta) Hey, 'Geets! (Vegeta growls) I heard you lost your fight pretty bad. (Vegeta growls again while shaking in anger)
"Doing a good job at talking to him," Minerva laughed.
GOKU: But you know what they say, Vegeta... When you fall off that horse, you get right back up...and you eat that horse! Come eat that horse with me, Vegeta!
VEGETA/Everyone: What the hell are you on about!?
"I get it," Natsu stated.
"Of course you do," Gray rolled his eyes.
GOKU: Oh, I just found a place where we can do a whole year's worth of training in a day.
The fight obsessed members all perked up at the information.
VEGETA: ...I'm listening.
GOKU: It's up on Kami's Lookout! Although now I guess it's just The Lookout. Either way, they call it the-
(cut to Mr. Popo on The Lookout)
MR. POPO: Hyperbolic Time Chamber.
VEGETA: WHAT THE F**K IS THAT?!
Everyone laughed at Vegeta's screaming.
(cut to Goku's house where the androids have arrived)
ANDROID 17: So, 18, what's it look like in there?
ANDROID 18: (inside looking at one of Chi-Chi's clothes in a mirror) It looks like Goku's wife is a Chinese princess. Seriously, I'm glad she's my size, but who wears this junk?
"I'm sure Chi-Chi looks great in those dresses," Erza huffed. She wanted to see if she could wear those outfits. Maybe she can find someone to make them for her.
ANDROID 17: I mean, is Goku there?
ANDROID 18: Oh, no, the place is empty. Devoid of both people and taste.
ANDROID 17: Huh. Didn't figure Goku for a runner.
ANDROID 18: Well, if I were a guessing girl, I'd say they're at Kame House.
ANDROID 17: But that's like the second place we'd look!
"And they're dumb enough to take him there," Freed said.
ANDROID 16: Confirmed. That is the second place we shall look.
ANDROID 17: Hmm, but it's on an island, so we can't take a van...
ANDROID 18: Oh, thank God.
ANDROID 17: So we'll find a boat!
ANDROID 16: No!
ANDROID 17: ...Pardon?
ANDROID 16: We have done it your way. Now we do it my way; the bird way. We fly...!
"I wanna do it the bird way!" Wendy giggled.
ANDROID 18: He's finally speakin' my language. I mean, kind of.
(cut back to The Lookout with Mr. Popo leading the four Saiyans—Saiyan-Hybrids in Gohan and Trunks' case—to the Hyperbolic Time Chamber)
MR. POPO: Here it is, maggots, the Hyperbolic Time Chamber.
GOKU: Wait, I thought it was called the Room of Spirit and Time?
MR. POPO: I said that 'cause you kept mispronouncing it.
"I can believe that," Levy shrugged.
"I doubt Salamander can pronounce it," Gajeel said.
"I CAN TOO!" Natsu shouted.
"Then say it," Gajeel tempted.
GOKU/Natsu: Naw, I can do it. Hypebola Mime Chamber.
MR. POPO/Gajeel: No.
GOKU/Natsu: Hyperglycemic Crime Chamber.
MR. POPO/Gajeel: You get one more.
GOKU/Natsu: ...Hypebonics Rhyme Chamber.
"Nope!" Gajeel laughed until Natsu attacked him with a flame fist. Erza intervened immediately to break up the fight.
MR. POPO: Hmm. (opens the door) Inside time moves at 365.24 times that of this dimension. In Goku terms, one day out here, one year in there. And only two of you maggots can enter at a time.
Levy scribbled down the information.
GOHAN: Wait, how long have you known about this?
GOKU: Since I was a kid.
GOHAN: Then why didn't Krillin and the others use it to train against the Saiyans? Why didn't we use it to train against the androids?!
"That's...a good question. Popo probably didn't care," Levy figured.
MR. POPO: They had...other training. Besides, they most likely would not have survived. I threw Goku in there once when he was a kid.
GOKU: I almost died.
Eyes widened at Goku's admitting that the room almost killed him. How dangerous is this training room?
"Is it safe for Gohan?" Mira wanted to know.
MR. POPO: Hmm.
VEGETA: Then the boy and I will go first and save you two the trouble. Move it, boy! (Trunks starts walking inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber)
TRUNKS: (while walking past Goku) Help me…
"Think of it as father-son time. Hopefully he doesn't kill you," Gildarts said.
GOKU: Have fun, Trunks! You too, best buddy! (Vegeta and Trunks enter the Hyperbolic Time Chamber) Huh... You know... You don't really seem like yourself today, Mr. Popo.
(from Mr. Popo's vision, an image of Kami is seen behind Goku)
MR. POPO: Hmm.
"Awwwww! He actually misses Kami!" Wendy smiled.
(cut to Kame House where the news channel is on while Krillin, Yamcha, and Tien are sleeping)
REPORTER: ...find a cabin in the woods, and if anyone comes knocking, make sure you let the right one in, or you'll be dead by dawn.
KRILLIN: (talking in his sleep) Not today…
"Krillin's stupid ass dream," Laxus mentions.
NEWS ANCHOR 1: The death toll keeps rising as...
(the channel changes)
NEWS ANCHOR 2: ...the unknown creature continues its...
(the channel changes again)
NEWS ANCHOR 3: ...terrifying siege across our nation.
PICCOLO: (watching the news) I GET IT, HE'S ABSORBING PEOPLE! I'M TRYING TO STOP IT!
"You're doing your best, Piccolo!" Wendy cheered on the Namekian.
KAMI: (Maybe you should get some sleep like everyone else.)
PICCOLO: (starts walking to a window) I'll sleep when I'm dead!
"Watch what you say…" Minerva said.
ANDROID 17: (off-screen) I can help with that!
"Because you might just regret it," She finished.
PICCOLO: WAKE UP!
KRILLIN: (wakes up) Ahh! Oh, man... I had the craziest dream; Cell was there!
PICCOLO: Well, the androids are here!
ANDROID 17: Yo.
KRILLIN: AAH!
"AAH-"
"DON'T! You two start," Lucy warned her companions.
ANDROID 17: (as Piccolo walks outside) We're here for Goku.
PICCOLO: Son of a bitch!
ANDROID 16: Son Goku is not here.
ANDROID 17: Son of a bitch!
PICCOLO: You heard him, Goku's not here.
ANDROID 17: Oh, I heard him. We're just not very happy about it. Right, 16?
ANDROID 16: (looking furious) Son Goku...is not here!
"Ah yeah...his whole kill Goku thing," Erza remembered.
ANDROID 17: Exactly. And we came all the way out here to kill somebody... So you've got one of two choices: you can either tell us where Goku is, or, well...
PICCOLO: Or what?
ANDROID 18: Or we kill you! (closes her eyes in frustration) Oh, my God.
KRILLIN: Hey, 18! You... You come around here often?
ANDROID 18: Nope.
KRILLIN: Hmm.
"You know this is the first time she's been here, but good try anyway," Juvia gives a thumbs up.
MASTER ROSHI: Uh, excuse me, androids? If you're gonna fight, could you please move it off the island? It's quite literally the only thing I own.
ANDROID 17: That's fine, but when I win, I'm blowing it up for funsies.
"Dick move," Romeo cursed.
MASTER ROSHI: Hmm.
PICCOLO: All right then, follow me. There's a series of uninhabited islands over there.
ANDROID 17: How do you know that?
"Because he lives there," Mira answered.
PICCOLO: You three stay here. I'll handle this... (starts flying away with the androids)
KRILLIN: Oh, okay, I'll SpaceBook you later!
YAMCHA: So, if he fails, we're all gonna die, right?
"You have Goku. You'll be fine," Natsu replied.
TIEN: Basically. And we have no DragonBalls.
YAMCHA: ...Hope training's going well.
(meanwhile, inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber up on The Lookout...)
The mages were shocked by the design of the Chamber...or lack of therefore.
TRUNKS: Uh... uh... Holy... This place...it's...nothing but a white void! I can't see where it ends! Or even where it begins! It's...overwhelming. I need time... Time to adjust! Time to-
VEGETA: TRAINING BEGINS NOW! (smacks Trunks in the face) You weren't ready. (Trunks groans in pain)
"That's the only sense of care he's ever shown towards Trunks," Laxus said.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to a shot inside a sub-lab where a baby version of Mrs. Briefs is seen floating inside a tank)
DR. BRIEFS: (walks up and observes the tank) Hmm... Soon... (starts chuckling)
The mages were all horrified by what they just witnessed from Dr. Briefs. Natsu on the other hand just remembered something he was thinking about earlier.
"Hey Lucy! Let's have a baby!"
"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTT!?"
Chapter End