Chapter Two - Realising the Pride in the Prejudice
Fool,Darcy berated silently, turning his back on the crowded ballroom to hide his fierce self-mocking scowl.Why, he demanded of himself, why did you inform Miss Bennet of Georgiana's troubles? What could possibly force such an imprudent account from your lips? What will she think of my sister, of me, now I have confessed this folly?
Darcy's mind raced to locate a reason for his foolhardy and out of character confession. Only one explanation made any sense. I cannot bear for Miss Elizabeth Bennet to be alive in this world and think ill of me, he realised with somewhat of a shock. With it came the recognition of his devotion, in truth his love, for the completely unsuitable woman. Fitzwilliam Darcy came to a sudden, blinding realisation, he needed to depart Hertfordshire as soon as may be, lest his heart remain in danger of making a most unsuitable offer.
The unexpected maelstrom of emotion engaged Darcy's heart while his mind acted beyond his usual cool logic and reason. Internally, he battled over the ultimate conflict, his adoration to a set of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman who should not be a consideration. Fitzwilliam realised, several weeks past, he admired Miss Elizabeth Bennet above any woman of his previous acquaintance. He also understood her aversion, her prejudice against him due, no doubt, to his behaviour whilst he fought in vain against losing his heart to the young lady so far beneath his social standing. So far, Darcy refused to say or do anything to change the young woman's disinclination toward him. He had not wished to surrender to these most inappropriate emotions, nor the thought of the Bennet family's low connections. Miss Elizabeth could never be more than a casual acquaintance, a passing fancy.
"She can be nothing to me," he muttered under his breath.
Angered by feelings he did not wish to experience, Darcy's mood changed to one of irritation, directed at his misplaced affections. Coming to this same conclusion for the tenth time in the last hour did not change the facts. Resentment welled within him as he considered Miss Bennet's words of censure against him. It gave Darcy yet another reason to hate George Wickham.
Wickham's story has slighted my character in Miss Elizabeth's eyes, he summarised, deepening her prejudice against me. I had to address her misconceptions, to protect her from the most immoral man of my acquaintance. Had I not, I could never have forgiven myself were she to be ruined. Still, to give even the barest details of my sisters' folly is madness.Sighing heavily, Darcy set his usual stoic expression on his face before turning towards the guests crowding Netherfield's well-lit ballroom. It would never do for people to see his inner conflict.
Returning his attention to the lively music and colourful dancers, his eyes sought and lingered upon Miss Elizabeth. She had scurried across the room, as far away from Darcy as possible, and yet avoided all association with her friends and family. Miss Jane Bennet continued to accept Mr. Bingley's attentions quietly by the door to the balcony. It appeared she did not notice her sister's distress, which Mr. Darcy could clearly see on Elizabeth's countenance. Miss Lucas took the arm of a gentleman with the intention of lining-up for the next set. It left Miss Elizabeth Bennet hiding in a corner to cope, alone, with his startling revelations. Cursing his ill-humour, Darcy once again considered what forced him to discuss the unpleasant business between his sister and George Wickham.
I should never have mentioned Georgiana,Darcy berated himself once again, attempting to come to terms with his reasons for confessing such a personal and painful event. Only his cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, Georgiana's co-guardian, apart from the participants, knew of the incident and they all wished to keep it that way.
Would it have been enough, Darcy's mind playing devil's advocate questioned,to merely correct Elizabeth's assumption in regard to the Living alone? He knew her wit to be too sharp for that. Miss Elizabeth would need facts, hard evidence against the man who had insinuated himself into her affections.
I know it would not, Darcy sighed as he continued to watch the woman from his position across the room.That would have left her with my word against Wickham's. The man is able to appear gentlemanly, polite and trustworthy without the substance to make him so. The situation between us is such that she could hardly give credence to my assertions over his without compelling proof. How has it come to this? How did I allow it to come to this? Have I not warned Miss Elizabeth of her ability to wilfully misunderstand me as she accused me of pride and vanity in this very house?
A scowl encompassed Darcy's features at the thought. Yet his conscious replied,by you remaining silent, Elizabeth may come to harm at the hands of Wickham. At least be honest with yourself. You informed Miss Bennet because you admire and esteem the young lady above anyone. She has obtained your regard on such a short acquaintance because she does not covet your position or wealth. You wish her to remain safe, and to discontinue the association with George Wickham. It displeases you to hear Miss Bingley state that Wickham has become her favourite when you know the truth behind his character. Yet you know Wickham capable of making a good impression on first acquaintance. Still, you have done nothing to inform the people of Meryton of his true character, believing such actions to be beneath your dignity.
"That man should be below her notice," Darcy muttered, now in a foul mood from his internal conflict. "I fail to see how Miss Elizabeth could believe Wickham's character superior to mine in any way?"
And therein lay the rub, Darcy knew. Yes, he could admit to pride. After all, he had declared as much to Miss Elizabeth one evening at Netherfield. But he also kept his pride under good regulation. This level of anger and frustration were not his usual companions. He could be social, liberal minded, even talkative when the occasion presented itself. These darker emotions emanated from meeting with a worthless man, without morals, whom he wished never to see again. And now, to witness the woman he'd come to admire, nay love, taken in by a scoundrel and rake was not to be born.
On the other side to the room, Elizabeth didn't know what to think. Just as she'd considered the matter fixed in her mind, Mr. Darcy set down all of her assumptions. Mr. Wickham, it appeared, had lied to her, blatantly and without regard for the character of Mr. Darcy, whom he'd misrepresented so vilely. Then again, Mr. Darcy's manners and deportment allowed such a belief because he didn't take the trouble to notice those beneath his station. His behaviour since entering the district had been abominable.
Who to believe,Lizzy cried silently, still trying to find some redeeming qualities in Mr. Wickham's version of events. Mr. Darcy wouldn't make such a slander against his sister without truth in it, Elizabeth realised. That he'd shared such a personal detail, trusted her not to spread gossip, spoke well of his character and more of his faith in hers.If only Mr. Darcy had confessed solely to the compensation, I should still be in two minds. But to involve his family name in such a disgrace, there can be no alternative, it must be true. Yet I can never tell anyone, it would injure his sister's, and indeed Mr. Darcy's reputation more than he has already tarnished his good name. How am I to convince the people of Meryton of Mr. Wickham's contemptible character when he is so universally loved and Mr. Darcy hated. And yet I must try to turn this tide to one of disgust for Mr. Wickham. How am I to clear Mr. Darcy's good name, when it is I who has actively participated in disparaging it?
Glancing around the room, Elizabeth noticed Mr. Darcy watching her from the position in which she'd left him. A scowl distorting his face, Lizzy understood he must feel exposed and vulnerable after his disclosures. She held the power to ruin him, which perversely made her feel closer to the man, a feeling she did not appreciate for she loathed him only a little less than before his confession. Further along the wall, Jane's eyes did not leave Mr. Bingley as he continued his attentions to her. A delighted smile covered Jane's face.
At least,Elizabeth carefully considered her options;my beloved sister might capture the heart of her young man and find true love.
"Oh Jane," Elizabeth whispered, fighting tears of frustration and self-recrimination, "how I need you now, to comfort me. I cannot wait for this ball to be over. I would willingly brave the displeasure of my family and quit this amusement immediately, only I fear it would mortally wound your chances with your excellent Mr. Bingley. I will stay, but dance not another step. My mind is too taken up by the events of tonight. I need solitude to contemplate all I have learnt and know what is to be done so I may put to rights that which I have ruined."
Elizabeth watched as the couples took to the floor for the next set, after which it would be time for supper. She needed to wait until the meal concluded before admitting to an aching head. Only then could Lizzy petition her father to call for the carriage. For now, she would have to join Mary in the pleasures of observation and reflection. And reflect she did, coming to many painful conclusions.
Mr. Darcy has handed me the tools for his ruination, should I choose to use them. Why should he trust me with a secret regarding his sister when he must know how much I dislike him? Have I not shown my antipathy? Have I been so blind to his true character because he did not wish to dance the first time I met him? What does that say of my character and understanding?
Elizabeth Bennet had held the belief that Fitzwilliam Darcy was incapable of the barest civility because he had given offence at the Meryton Assembly without provocation. She'd remarked that he shouldn't enter society as he only made people uneasy, loudly and without thought for the hurt her imprudent words might cause. A pillar of Meryton society, others had taken her opinion and allowed it to influence their own. Yet Mr. Darcy singled her out twice, once at Lucas Lodge and again tonight and paid her the very great honour of requesting he stand up with her.
Does Mr. Darcy truly think so well of me, Lizzy found the thought astounding. She had been determined to refuse him, but could now see the complement in a new light. Charlotte had tried to warn her not to dismiss a man of his consequence based solely on her dislike.
How would I react, if it were one of my sisters whom Mr. Wickham made his object,Elizabeth found herself trying to imagine Kitty or Lydia in the same situation. She did not get on at all with the result. If Mr. Wickham had designs on her youngest sister, Elizabeth knew Lydia to be foolish enough to agree to an elopement simply for the fun of it, or allow improper liberties given sufficient encouragement and flattery. Since the officers came to Meryton, the youngest Bennet had little but flirtations and red coats in her head. Only Lydia didn't have Miss Darcy's fortune behind her to force a scoundrel's thoughts to marriage. Mr. Wickham would never agree to save the reputation of a penniless girl, if Mr. Darcy were to be believed. Blushing at the irreverent thought, Lizzy suddenly realised what Mr. Darcy must be feeling towards his own sister.
Oh, she cried internally, how I have maligned your character, Mr. Darcy, just as Mr. Wickham undoubtedly intended. I have behaved no better than he; indeed I have done his work for him. I have allowed my prejudice to overrule my good judgement and befriend a worthless man, based solely on my hurt pride. Your behaviour is born of disappointment and a need to find time to recover after almost losing your sister to a most dreadful fate. You thought you could do that in the quiet of the country. Instead you come across the very reason for your seeking sanctuary in the last place you considered possible.
If his sister's almost elopement occurred the summer past, Mr. Darcy must have accompanied his friend to Hertfordshire almost directly after resolving the issue. While staying at Mr. Bingley's house, he would have no option but to follow the family into society. No wonder Mr. Darcy acted in his current indifferent and reserved manner.
I would not wish to be seen by anyone under such circumstances, Elizabeth realised.Had it been our family affected, our life would be one of ridicule by our neighbours and acquaintances, should they learn the bitter truth. Yet here you are, trying valiantly to remain sociable in polite society, and hide your heartache, when a word of this scandal would ruin your family name.
Still, I cannot forgive you for your comments at the Meryton Assembly, Lizzy remembered his words and the tone in which they had been spoken. They started her dislike of his character, which only grew every time they were in company. It was wrong of you to speak so of any young lady, regardless of your troubles. I am sure you would not take kindly to a man speaking so of your sister. I believe you knew I overheard the conversation with Mr. Bingley, yet you do not pay me the courtesy of an apology.
"Miss Bennet," Mr. Bingley, suddenly appeared before her with Jane on his arm. Time, it seemed, had disappeared as Elizabeth continued her silent introspections. Offering his other arm, Charles Bingley requested, "Would you allow me the great pleasure of escorting you to supper?"
Securing a smile she didn't feel on her face, Elizabeth accepted. "Yes, thank you."
"Are you enjoying the ball?" Bingley asked, eager for a positive response.
"Very much," Elizabeth stated. How she kept her countenance, Lizzy would never know. Jane glanced at her, understanding something had occurred to take away her sister's enjoyment in the evening. Her look said they would talk later. "The music is lively, the company varied and the host everything pleasing," Lizzy complimented with a smile that did not quite reach her eyes.
"You are too kind," Bingley blushed, missing the glance between the sisters.
"I speak as I find," Lizzy suddenly felt better in the company of this man she hoped to soon call brother. Bingley's happy nature encompassed everyone, forcing them to join in his delight with life.
"Then I hope this is a pleasure we will often see repeated," he stated warmly. Bingley's glance tended towards Jane.
"As do I," Jane's cheeks became red, and she looked to the ground with embarrassment.
Seating the ladies at a table, Charles Bingley excelled himself as a host by engaging those closest to him in conversation as the White Soup course appeared on the table. Neither Jane nor Lizzy could talk openly as too many other guests crowded the table and demanded their attention. Unable to stay still with the thoughts swirling in her mind, Elizabeth declared the need to refill her punch glass before the main meal and the entertainments commenced. Jane watched with concerned eyes as her sister rose from the table, only to see Miss Bingley soon follow and intercept her.
"Miss Eliza," Caroline Bingley smirked. Jealousy oozed from every pore as she hoped to use her superior accomplishments to torment the only woman Darcy chose to dance with. Caroline had not missed the minutes after the dance when her favourite pulled the country chit to one side for a private argument. Neither seemed pleased with the outcome of their discussion, which only caused her curiosity to rise. "I hear you're quite delighted with George Wickham. No doubt he forgot to tell you, among his other communications, that he is merely the son of old Wickham, the late Mr. Darcy's steward."
Chuckling haughtily, her eyes whipped around the room to see where Mr. Darcy situated himself. He watched everything occurring from the safety of a corner. Far enough away, the gentleman would never hear their conversation, even if he seemed to be taking a keen interest in the women.
Impatient, Elizabeth glared at Miss Bingley with narrow eyes. Coming on top of her earlier revelations, Lizzy wanted to be as far away from the spiteful woman as possible. She'd told Jane she did not like Miss Bingley or Mrs. Hurst at all. Four nights trapped at Netherfield cemented that opinion.
"But Eliza," Caroline continued in a superior tone, "as a friend, let me recommend you not to give credit to all his assertions. Wickham treated Darcy in an infamous manner."
"Has he?" Astonished, Lizzy tried to keep her emotions from showing as she arched an eyebrow. This could be a test, yet Mr. Darcy treated Miss Bingley with the same blatant disregard he showed every woman. Perhaps, among his set, Mr. Wickham's crimes were well known. "How?" she demanded with more heat in her word than seemed appropriate.
"I don't remember the particulars," Caroline offered, "but I do know that Mr. Darcy was not in the least to blame. I pity you, Eliza, for the discovery of your favourite's guilt; but, really, considering his descent, one could not expect much better."
Furious at the woman's pomposity, Elizabeth did not guard her words. "His guilt and his descent appear, by your account, to be the same," heat and anger filled her tone. The emotions came from her confusion and need for solitude to think upon the events of tonight. Once again, Mr. Darcy confession of his sister's folly entered her mind. He would never open these actions to Miss Bingley, so why did he trust her? Did Mr. Darcy know her character well enough to realise she'd never repeat his words? "I've heard you accuse Mr. Wickham of being nothing worse than the son of Mr. Darcy's steward, and he informed me of that himself."
Irritation lacing her tone, Caroline stated in a hard tone, "I beg your pardon. Excuse my interference. It was kindly meant." With that, Miss Bingley stalked away from Elizabeth, offended and out of sorts. It seemed her ruse had not worked, for Mr. Darcy only continued to scowl at both women.
Sighing, Elizabeth continued on to the punch bowl. A few moments later, Jane, having noticed her sister's confrontation with Miss Bingley, made her way to the refreshments table. Giving Lizzy a soft, pleading gaze, she filled both their cups.
"Insolent girl," Elizabeth muttered. An image of the night Miss Bingley forced her to take a turn about the music room while staying at Netherfield entered Lizzy mind. Unable to attract Mr. Darcy's attention herself, Miss Bingley used Lizzy to tempt the man into conversation. Instead, they had ended up arguing over his pride and her prejudice. Further confused, Elizabeth knew she would have to think on this point later.
"Lizzy," Jane warned.
"I see nothing in her paltry attack but her own need to draw the attentions of Mr. Darcy." The moment the words exited her mouth, Elizabeth Bennet knew she should never have said them. Once again, in the four nights she'd been forced into company while at Netherfield, Mr. Darcy hadn't once paid special attention towards Miss Bingley. In fact he'd gone out of his way to converse with her and earn the lady's displeasure. She, on the other hand, acted abominably towards the gentleman.
"Yes," Jane agreed, "but Lizzy, Mr. Bingley did say that, though he does not know the whole of the history, he fears that Mr. Wickham is by no means a respectable young man."
"Oh, Jane, you are too good," Elizabeth cried, even more confused that Mr. Bingley attempted to guard Jane from the wicked young man's attentions. "I fear your excellent Mr. Bingley may well be right. I have been such a fool."
"Not now, Lizzy," Jane cautioned, looking around to indicate the crowded room.
"I do not want to suspend any pleasure of yours," Elizabeth managed a watery smile, which did not fool Jane at all.
"You wish to leave," Jane asked, astonished.
"As soon as may be," agreed Elizabeth. "More has occurred tonight than I can begin to tell you, but I do not wish to stop Mr. Bingley's attentions toward you."
Before either woman could return to their seat, Mr. Bingley stood. Around them, the servant's hurried to remove the soup course and lay the tables for the next. There would be a pause of several minutes before the main dishes appeared.
"Shall we not have some music?" Mr. Bingley announced, capturing the Miss Bennets' attention and halting further conversation between them. He only wished to keep his guest entertained and so added, "I have a great desire for a song."
Jane and Elizabeth wore horrified expressions as the next minutes ticked by with the speed of a wet Sunday afternoon trapped at Longbourn. First Mary all but knocked Miss Bingley over in her rush to the pianoforte, then Mr. Collins approached Mr. Darcy without a proper introduction when he uncovered the relationship to his noble patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. As if that weren't enough, Mr. Bennet approached his middle daughter, treating her with ridicule as he attempted to halt a second performance. In the background, their mother spoke loudly and unguardedly to the entire room with a mouth full of food. Her speech vulgar and inappropriate, Jane, Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy all looked shocked at her words of an expected marriage between Longbourn and Netherfield. Finally, Lydia outdid herself, flirting with the officers while inebriated. Mortified, Elizabeth couldn't keep her countenance.
Maybe it would be better, Lizzy placed her head in her hands with shame as her headache became unbearable, to have my youngest sister elope. Then everyone would shun the Bennet family. Oh, what must Mr. Bingley and his party think of us? Whatever chance Jane once had with her most excellent suitor, tonight has mortally damaged her reputation and prospects.
AN: A huge thank you to those who read, favorited and reviewed. I appreciate it. Should you find any spelling, gramma or syntax errors, please PM me. I would like to publish this work in the future so any help will be gratefully accepted. Next chapter on Tuesday.