NOTE: I've been feeling a bit more motivated recently. Not sure how long it'll last, but hopefully it stays for the long haul. College is starting soon for me, so that'll be taking a lot of my time going forward.
Thank you all for understanding that I was feeling burnt out with this, and needed a break from it. I needed some time to remember why I even started writing this story out and it was to have fun writing a reaction story of Fairy Tail watching DBZA. I ended up taking this seriously as if it was some sort of job, hoping to meet your expectations. That's going to change going forward, I'm going to write this and time it the way I want. Hope you all understand.
Hope you all enjoy and review!
Chapter 75: It's Been a Year If It's Been a Day
(cut to The Lookout with Piccolo, Tien and Mr. Popo watching the news on TV showing millions of people fleeing from Cell)
NEWS REPORTER: Over the last thirteen hours, more than two dozen evacuation orders have been issued all over the globe. Thousands upon millions head countryside-including the endangered saskatoad t-rexes-while others seek shelter. The world has never seen terror as real as it has today.
"Kinda like when Tartaros tried to wipe magic off the face of Earthland, except we had mages all over the globe to assist us during that time," Erza remembered.
"They don't have that luxury against Cell, it's a problem they'll have to figure out on their own," Jellal followed up.
PICCOLO: You're kidding me...!
TIEN: Yeah, right? Dinosaurs are still a thing. It's odd how we never talk about it. At least not since we drove them out of the cities.
"We have talking cats. Is that equally as weird?" Lucy asked.
"Hey! We're not weird!" Lector shouted, offended.
"I wasn't calling you weird, just saying people weren't used to you guys at first," Lucy explained.
"I think someone randomly stripping everyday is weirder," Mira said. Everyone turned to look at Gray, who was sitting there in his underwear, uncaring for the stares.
PICCOLO: I'm talking about terror! Never seen, my ass! My dad released every murderer out onto the streets, and overthrew the world government!
"Didn't know that tidbit of information, and I'm happy to add it," Levy wrote it down.
TIEN: Oh, right. And the king of the world is a blue cairn terrier.
"I'm sorry what?" Levy blinked, confused.
"You're finding that weird?" Gajeel asked.
"No. Just didn't expect it is all," She shrugged.
PICCOLO: It's bullshit!
TIEN: I think it's pretty progressive.
VEGETA: Aw, look at the poor Namekian lost and forgotten to time.
NEWS REPORTER: Even the attack of the Saiyans five years ago pales in comparison to this overwhelming threat. As if comparing a cataclysm to a rampaging toddler.
"They aren't wrong when you look at Vegeta," Freed said.
VEGETA: Bullshit! We turned an entire city into a glass floor!
PICCOLO/Minerva: Aw, look at the poor Saiyan lost and forgotten to time.
VEGETA: Watch it, Namekian! Unless you wanna go right now! And I think we both know how our last fight went.
"Are we remembering the same events, because you didn't kill Piccolo," Gray pointed out.
"Well, there's being guilty by association," Meredy said.
PICCOLO: And I think we don't because we've never fought.
VEGETA: I... Wait, yo- Really? But then how did you?
PICCOLO/Cana: Your dumbass friend.
VEGETA: Riiight! Wow! We've never actually fought! That's so weird! (to Mr. Popo) Isn't that weird, black man?
"I feel like Vegeta just touched a line. Not sure why though…" Freed muttered.
MR. POPO: Yeah... Almost as weird as what's gonna happen if you call me that again.
VEGETA: (thinking while gawking at Mr. Popo) What IS he?
"I'm still trying to figure that out," Levy said.
(Trunks and Tien both gasps while Piccolo grunts and they all look at the room towards the Hyperbolic Time Chamber)
"They're finally getting out of the Hyper Sonic Fhamber!?" Natsu gasped.
"You still can't say it right!" Lucy shouted at him.
GOKU: (from inside) All right now, Gohan. When we get out there, try not to brag.
GOHAN: (from inside) About what?
GOKU: (from inside) That's it, son. And don't let slip just how much stronger we are. Otherwise Vegeta will be all, (imitates Vegeta's voice) "Oh, but my pride! Grr, I wish I were a carrot!"
The mages laughed from Goku's imitation of Vegeta, agreeing how spot on it was.
"Just reaffirming the point of Goku being aware of everyone's behavior," Levy snorted.
GOHAN: (from inside) That's not inaccurate.
GOKU: (from inside) Piccolo will probably just growl and grumble. Really, it's too bad we're out of Namekians for him to absorb.
"Can't they find New Namek?" Romeo asked.
"I'm sure they just don't want to drag the Namekians into this. Not after the whole ordeal with Frieza," Macao answered.
GOKU: Then he'd be as strong as Vegeta. (Vegeta growls in anger)
"And Piccolo wouldn't have fucked up," Minerva added.
GOKU: Speaking of, did you know they never fought? (he and Gohan walk out the room, both of them in damaged armor and in their Super Saiyan forms) Crazy, right? (sees everyone else out front) Oh, hey, guys. What'd I miss?
"Let's see...Vegeta, Krillin, and Trunks screwed up, Cell absorbed 18, achieved its perfect form, and gave the world 10 days to live. So, yeah you didn't miss much," Gildarts shrugged.
VEGETA: (in anger) Mock my pride…
"Everyone mocks your pride," Laxus rolled his eyes.
GOKU: Huh, what'd I tell ya? He's like a See 'n Saiyan!
VEGETA: (off-screen) I'MA KILL HIM!
The mages laughed at Vegeta's continued routine with Goku.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Goku and Gohan gorging on all the food placed on the floor as Tien, Trunks, Piccolo, and Mr. Popo watch)
"Great! Now I'm hungry!" Natsu complained. Mira placed a huge bowl of meat in front of him, he gazed at the food with delight.
"I figured everyone must've been hungry by now and was preparing food in between episodes," Mira smiled.
TIEN: So…
GOKU: (pauses eating a bowl of ramen and looks up) Hmm?
TIEN: Was there enough food in there?
"Without a doubt, but you have Goku in there. There's never enough food for him," Gajeel answered.
"And it seems Gohan picked up some of his habits. He usually has manners," Mira sighed.
"To be fair, Gohan is eating at a much neater pace," Lisanna said.
GOKU: (looks at Gohan with his mouth full) Hmm...
PICCOLO: Did you get stronger?
GOKU: (with his mouth full) Mm-hmm!
TRUNKS: Stronger than Cell?
GOKU: (looks back at Gohan with his mouth full) Hmm…
"Swallow your food!" Lucy shouted.
PICCOLO: For the love of... Swallow! Now!
GOKU: (sucks the rest of his noodles in for five seconds and swallows) I'm not pooping tonight.
"Same," Natsu agreed, much to the other's disgust.
PICCOLO: ARE YOU STRONGER THAN CELL?!
GOKU: I'ma need my threads first! Yo, Mr. P! Hit me up!
"Why is he ignoring the question?" Erza mumbled.
MR. POPO: Bitch, you're lucky you're endearing.
GOKU: Hee!
(cut to inside Capsule Corp. with Bulma working on 16)
ANDROID 16: Another reason I want to kill Son Goku? He is so orange. It's like, "Come on. there are other colors." Am I right?
"How long has this been going on? I kinda want to hear this list," Sting said.
"Considering that it's 16, probably for hours," Rogue answered.
BULMA: (not paying attention to 16) So we'll have to machine the skull ourselves...
ANDROID 16: Another reason to kill Son Goku, you ask? His stupid face. Have you seen it?
"His face doesn't look that stupid," Erza defended.
"So you admit that he does look stupid?" Minerva sweat dropped.
BULMA: Yep.
ANDROID 16: That's a face even a mother could kill.
BULMA: Now luckily Dad has enough synthetic skin to patch that area...
ANDROID 16: Another reason to kill Son Goku is...
BULMA: (tired of hearing 16's reasons for wanting to kill Goku) Hey. So, how 'bout we talk about something else?
"Like birds! Let's go back to the birds!" Wendy exclaimed.
ANDROID 16: Very well. What is your favorite type of bird?
BULMA: Oh, um, penguins.
ANDROID 16: WRONG!
"Penguins are pretty ugly," Natsu said.
(cut back to The Lookout with Goku now in his trademark orange gi)
GOKU: Ah, good ol' orange. Really brings out my stupid face.
Erza resisted the urge to punch Natsu. She didn't know why she wanted to punch him, but she resisted it to the best of her ability.
MR. POPO: I have them washed for you.
GOKU: Aw, man. Now they don't have that Goku smell. Hey, Gohan. We'll have your mom make you a new gi when we get home. You're probably too big for your old one now.
"Aw, that's right! Gohan did get taller," Mira gushed.
GOHAN: (walks up to Piccolo) I've got it covered. Uh. Mr. Piccolo. Could you, uh...
PICCOLO: What, you want me to make you a gi like your dad's?
GOHAN: Actually, I was hoping to get one like yours.
"He's growing up!" Mira cried. Lisanna and Elfman hurried to console her as quickly as possible.
PICCOLO: (eyes widen) Oh.
NAIL: (Did our heart just skip a beat?)
KAMI: (That is precious.)
PICCOLO: (while gritting his teeth) Shut...the f**k up!
"He's also growing up!" Mira continued to cry.
PICCOLO: (to Gohan) Yeah, sure, I guess. CLOTHES BEAM! (materializes a new gi for Gohan based on his own attire)
GOKU: Wow. You know, that works on you. I mean...if you don't like orange.
"Are you jealous?" Erza gaped.
PICCOLO: Quick rundown: doors are gonna be a little difficult at first. I suggest a 45-degree angle. Also crowds. But I don't really deal with them.
TRUNKS: Look, I don't mean to be that guy…
"Because that's accidental," Laxus rolled his eyes.
VEGETA: (off-screen) Oh, that's accidental.
TRUNKS: ...but there's a green cyborg elephant in the room. Goku, are you or are you not stronger than Cell?
GOKU: Good question. I'll go check!
TRUNKS/Everyone: I'm sorry, check wha- (Goku disappears with a pop)
"Oh lord…"
(The scene shifts to Perfect Cell at his Cell Games Arena. The perfect being is standing in the middle of the ring and is talking with someone on a small earpiece. He is speaking to a Hetap manufacturer about sponsors.)
PERFECT CELL: (talking on the phone through the headset) Look, I understand that you sponsor all forms of sporting events, but just so we're clear, you do realize that everyone dies if I win, right? (phone chatter) Yes? (more phone chatter) Yeah, I guess that is a win-win for you, isn't it? Alright then, it's officially the Cell Games-presented by Hetap!
"Of course someone would sponsor Cell. A good minute of publicity before the planet gets erased," Freed sighed.
GOKU: (appearing out of nowhere) I'd kill for a Hetap!
PERFECT CELL: (quickly turns his head around and causes his earpiece to fly off) WHOA! JESUS!
GOKU: No, actually. It's Goku.
"I'm sure people get those confused a lot," Happy said.
PERFECT CELL: Need to put a bell on you.
GOKU: Huh?
PERFECT CELL: Nothing! Sorry, I just wasn't expecting you for another week. (chuckles) Must look a mess. I just got done finishing the ring, patching a hole... Speaking of which, what do you think of our glorious battleground? (chuckles)
GOKU: Eh, it's alright. Kinda small, innit?
PERFECT CELL: I prefer intimate.
GOKU: Well, I'm not intimidated either.
"Wrong wor-Why am I still trying?" Carla asked.
PERFECT CELL: Oh, but you should be! Because in it, we shall decide the fate of not only this boring blue ball of dirt and water, but the entire galaxy! So you best bring your A-game, Son Goku. Because the stakes have never been higher. (chuckles as Goku lets out a happy gasp) And before you say it, the prize isn't actually steak.
GOKU: I wasn't thinking that.
PERFECT CELL/Everyone: Yes, you were.
GOKU: Then what is the prize, you monster?!
PERFECT CELL: Living! ...Also a lifetime supply of Hetap.
"I'd rather take the stake," Natsu shrugged.
"You want everyone dead!?" Lucy smacked him.
GOKU: You know, they say "lifetime", but they never consider the DragonBalls. Anyway, I just came to measure you up. And I gotta say...nice.
PERFECT CELL: Baby, you know it.
GOKU: I've seen all I need. Now, I'm up to go and have a...high-fiber dinner. See ya in a week!
PERFECT CELL: It's a date.
"Are...are they flirting?" Lucy gagged.
"They're fight flirting," The guys answered.
"Do you guys do that too?" She asked. None of them answered her question
GOKU: Yeah, I know. That's how days work. (disappears with a pop)
PERFECT CELL: ...I'm gonna miss him when he's dead.
"The only one dying is you," Makarov glared.
(cut back to Trunks, Piccolo, Mr. Popo, and Gohan on The Lookout)
GOHAN: So the Androids took my arm?
TRUNKS: Yeah... You lost it saving my life.
"He took Cell's advice and is telling Gohan about Future Gohan," Levy said.
"I guess it's kinda sweet," Mira guessed.
GOHAN: Well, did it at least look cool?
TRUNKS: Oh man, it was the coolest! You were always the first to jump into battle, and you never backed down, and you saved my life so many times!
GOHAN: I died, didn't I?
TRUNKS: ...Brutally.
"Skimmed over my heart breaking into pieces pretty fast," Mira dead panned.
GOKU: (appears with a pop) Wow. Okay, yeah. He's pretty strong. Also really handsome. Like, why didn't none of you warn me he would be this handsome?
"Is Goku…?"
"We can touch that subject on a different date," Erza said.
PICCOLO: But is he stronger than you?
GOKU: If he's as strong as he is handsome, then whoo-boy! I mean, I'd never cheat on Chi-Chi, but...
GOHAN: Dad...
GOKU: So handsome!
"Considering what Cell is, I'm not sure if that would be ok," Gray said.
"I think Goku just has an attraction towards those who he deems as strong. When you consider how he views Vegeta, it would make sense," Levy tried to explain.
PICCOLO: Well then, if it's all the same to you, I'ma take my turn inside the chamber.
GOKU: Hey, maybe after you're done, you and 'Geets can finally have a go. (quietly to Vegeta) Go easy on him, best buddy.
PICCOLO: You know, I was stronger than you yesterday.
GOKU: Yeah, but that was a year ago. We've all grown! Like Gohan! Just look at him! All super and Saiyan…
"He's growing up!" Mira's tears didn't end.
TRUNKS: About that... You've been Super Saiyans since you came out. What's up with that?
GOHAN: Well, after extended exposure and focus, our bodies acclimated to the elevated state. We can sustain it without literally any loss in stamina.
"Wow! They basically treat it as their base form. There would never be a need to not be in Super Saiyan," Freed said.
VEGETA: WHAT?!
GOKU: Yeah-huh. Also, we kinda forgot how to turn it off. (nervously laughs)
"And there's the punchline," Yukino sighed.
GOHAN: Truthfully, it's very concerning.
GOKU: Yeah...for Cell! And, uh, also doors…
"You broke the door handle didn't you?" Erza sighed.
MR. POPO: What did you do?
GOKU: (quickly as he and Gohan fly off The Lookout) See you at the Cell Games-presented by Hetap!
VEGETA: (thinking) That hollow-skulled bastard! Now I'm angry and thirsty! Boy!
TRUNKS: Huh?
VEGETA: We're going back to the chamber and fixing this immediately!
"Well, they'll spend more time together," Lisanna shrugged.
TRUNKS: Yeah, Piccolo just went in. (the door to the Hyperbolic Time Chamber slams shut)
VEGETA: What? Then what the hell am I supposed to do for 24 hours? Hang out with you two idiots? (sees that Trunks and Tien are gone) Fine, your literal humanity disgusts me, anyway. (to Mr. Popo) Guess it's just you and me now, black man.
MR. POPO: (stares at Vegeta, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath)
(cut to Korin inside his tower with Vegeta being seen whooshing down. Mr. Popo obviously threw him.)
VEGETA: ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!
The entire guild erupted in laughter from seeing Popo toss Vegeta off the Lookout.
"It was going to happen at some point, I'm just shocked it took this long," Levy laughed.
YAJIROBE: See? I told you it would happen.
KORIN: 'Twas never a matter of "if"... (takes a sip from his cup as the tower vibrates due to Vegeta hitting the ground off-screen) Only "when".
(cut to Goku's house)
KRILLIN: Crazy. So you're like a year older now, huh?
GOKU: Yeah-huh. Which means he's Teen Gohan now.
"Isn't he eleven?" Lisanna looked confused.
"Yes, which means that he's a Pre-Teen," Lucy answered.
GOHAN: Actually, I'm eleven, so that means I'm a pr-
GOKU: (cuts Gohan off) That means you need a birthday party!
"HE'S GROWING UP SO FAST!" Mira's tears burst forward once more.
KRILLIN: Ooh! Can it be Super Saiyan themed?
GOHAN: *gasps* With little spiky pieces of yellow frosting?
"THAT WOULD BE THE CUTEST THING EVER!" Mira continued to cry.
GOKU: (amazed by his son's brilliant idea for a cake) That sounds amazing~! (to Chi-Chi) Chi-Chi! Super Saiyan cake me!
(There is a slight, but dangerous silence...)
"Oh...oh he's in trouble…" The men with actual experience with women shook in fear.
CHI-CHI: Goku...
GOKU: Yeah?
CHI-CHI: Did you take our son into a magical reality outside of space-time for an entire year, bleached his hair without my consent, and suddenly come back home demanding a birthday cake?
"Wait...has she never seen a Super Saiyan before?" Yukino asked,
"Wow, I don't think she has. Goku never transformed around her, so she had no idea what it was," Erza realized.
"Could've saved a lot of trouble by just showing her, and she did give Goku consent to train Gohan. I'm not sure why she's so pissed," Gray said.
GOKU: If it makes you feel any better, it's...not bleach.
CHI-CHI: It doesn't.
GOKU: Are you upset?
CHI-CHI: No...because I know how you're going to pay me back.
GOHAN: Mom, what do you mean?
CHI-CHI: (opens the front door) Krillin, would you take Gohan out for a few hours?
Mira gained enough sense to realize what Chi-Chi was talking about. "Kids, cover your eyes and ears again!" This time the kids listened without fault to avoid Mira's anger.
KRILLIN: (quickly) Gohan, we're going to Kame House.
GOKU: Wait, what does she mean? Guys?
CHI-CHI: He said one week... (the door slams shut) ...and I'm using it.
All of the adults paled at her words.
GOKU: Wh-what are you...?
(cut to an outside shot of Goku's house at nighttime, with the sounds of a bed rocking sounds being heard. In short, Chi-Chi is forcibly using Goku for sex as "punishment.")
GOKU: (heard from inside the house moaning as Chi-Chi is heard grunting) KA... ME... HA... ME... (the bed stops rocking for a few seconds and then a Kamehameha wave suddenly bursts through the roof) HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
"Well Erza, I guess this confirms that Goku's a bottom!"
"SHUT UP!"
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to Piccolo sparring with himself inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber)
KAMI: (Seriously, you can materialize clothing from your very being.)
NAIL: (You wouldn't have to spend anything on supplies, manufacturing...)
"This is true, Piccolo could start his own business!" Lucy smiled.
"What should he call it!?" Lisanna wondered, excitedly.
"Juvia believes it should be named after Gray!" Juvia exclaimed.
"No...that wouldn't make any sense," Lucy sweat dropped.
PICCOLO: (thinking) I am focusing on training.
KAMI: (You should be focusing on what you're going to do after Cell's defeated.)
PICCOLO: (thinking) Fine, but what would we even call this hypothetical clothing line of ours?
NAIL & KAMI: (Big Green Threads!)
"Work on that a bit," Yukino said.
PICCOLO: We might need to Workshop that.
PERFECT CELL: (appears as a giant image in front of Piccolo) I think it has a perfect ring to it.
"Wait what?" Everyone paused.
PICCOLO: Yeah, well you're big and green! You have a bias!
NAIL: (Wait, are we hallucinating?)
KAMI: (How long have we've been in here?)
PERFECT CELL: Three days.
"Yeah, that's the perfect cue to get the hell out," Gajeel said.
PICCOLO: ... (cut to him emerging out of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber) I'm out.
VEGETA: (off-screen) I CALL DIBS!
"Hopefully you go crazy," Minerva hoped.
Chapter End