NOTE: No, they will NOT watch DevilArtemis or any other Parody.
This is the first 5 of TFS Cell VS.
Enjoy and Review!
Chapter 79: Cell Vs(Part 1)
PERFECT CELL: Here it is! The final days before the end of the world. (chuckles) I should probably take in the calm before…
"Before the shit storm sets in?" Gajeel inquired.
"I guess we're going to see what Cell has been up to while the others were fighting Broly, having a gay wedding, and killing Santa," Levy said.
KUWABARA: Ho-Holy crap! Urameshi, look at this guy's head!
"And there's the shit storm," Gajeel said.
"What is his voice? Did he struggle through puberty?" Minerva laughed.
PERFECT CELL: Oh thank god, I was getting bored.
YUSUKE: (Jumps onto Cell Games arena) Hey bug man! What's your deal? Are you a demon, a monster or just some dickhead in a costume?
"It's a bio-android," Freed answered.
"I don't think he was serious, Freed," Evergreen sweat dropped.
PERFECT CELL: Hmm, technically all of the above. (turns to face Yusuke) But more importantly I'm the dickhead who's going to murder a couple of street thugs for daring to approach my arena for the Cell Games!...presented by Hetap.
"Had to throw in that last part, didn't you?" Yukino sweat dropped.
"You can never forget to mention your sponsors, Yukino," Sting told her.
"Does it matter that if he wins everyone will die?" The Celestial Wizard responded to him.
"Well...it'll matter to Cell I guess."
YUSUKE: (Throws away his jacket) Well excuse us, chin strap, we were under the impression that your little tournament was an open invite. And between you and me, I don't like to pass up invitations on tournaments or to kick evil guy's asses.
"Cocky teenagers...my greatest annoyance," Makarov sighed.
KUWABARA: Yeah! Even when they're threatenin' to destroy the world!
"Wanna take a second to fix tha one or…?" Gajeel laughed at Kuwabara.
KUWABARA: Wait, I mea-I mean especially! Especially when! You know, I think Hiei might have saved the other one.
YUSUKE: Don't hurt yourself man.
"He's not very bright is he?" Lily pointed out.
"So, he's just like Natsu," Gray jokes.
"SAY THAT AGAIN! I'M 100 TIMES SMARTER THAN THAT GUY!" Natsu roared in disagreement.
PERFECT CELL: I see. It seems my tournament has attracted some unintended participants! Then tell me, my ferocious teenage combatants: What do you bring to the table?
"I can burn down a town."
"That shouldn't be an accomplishment, Natsu!"
YUSUKE: With a single blast from my finger, I can turn an S-rank demon into a pile of ash! (points his finger towards Cell) Or shoot little potshots between the goalpost on your head.
"In what world does that sound remotely impressive?" Laxus looked bored.
KUWABARA: And I have a sword! (Creates a spirit sword) It can cut through dimensions and stuff!
"See! That is a lot more impressive than a finger gun!" Laxus exclaimed.
"How much of a chance do you think these two have against Cell?" Lucy turned to Levy.
"Give it a second," The Word Mage responded.
PERFECT CELL: (Hmm's twice) Very impressive, kids. Now. Which one can blow up the planet?
YUSUKE: I, uhh...What?
"Yup, and there it is! The power scaling making its return! Kinda…" Levy exclaimed.
"I mean, I'm sure that dimension sword could be pretty useful against Cell. But, I doubt that Kuwabara guy is smart enough to use it correctly," Gildarts said.
PERFECT CELL: The gun or the sword! Which one could literally erase the planet from existence? Because I can do that with a finger. (Points out a finger as it sparks).
"But, considering that you're part Frieza, would it take five minutes?" Lisanna asked.
YUSUKE: (Lunges a bag over his shoulder) Kuwabara, grab your crap. We're going to Genkai's.
KUWABARA: Yeah! Whatever! You're not even worth it, bug man! Heh!
"And you're not worth the extra brain cells," Minerva shrugged.
YUSUKE: (Whispering) Pompous green asshole, I'll show you what my middle finger can do…
PERFECT CELL: They're going to have to take the bus home. 'Cause they're kids.
"Do I have to take the bus?" Natsu asked.
"No, Natsu. No you don't," Lucy answered.
Cell Vs. Yami Yugi
(Scene opens with Cell sleeping as he stands, with Yami Yugi walking towards him.)
YAMI YUGI: Perfect Cell!
"WOAH! What is up with his hair!?" Minerva exclaimed.
"It's so pointy!" Millianna gasped.
PERFECT CELL: Zzzzz- Oh, wha-mm-wha-who, what?
"Hate it when my naps get interrupted," Millanna pouted.
YAMI YUGI: I've come to duel you! And end this madness!
"Uh, sorry to break it to you, hun. Unlike the last two, you're kinda on the scrawny side," Cana pointed out.
"But, all help is welcomed!" Lucy added.
"Unless you die! Then you should've just stayed home…" Gray said.
PERFECT CELL: Good lord, with hair like that, I bet you've never lost a game of "Who's the protag?"
Natsu scanned around the crowd, then touched his own hair for a moment. Lucy noticed his weird behavior and got closer to him.
"What's wrong, Natsu?" She asked.
"Nothing, just making sure of something," He shrugged.
YAMI YUGI: I hail from ancient Egypt. (A flashback to Yami's origins) A long since buried Pharaoh, I once ruled over the land. Commanding magicians, dragons,(Flashback ends) the very ground beneath your feet!
"He commanded dragons!? That's awesome!" Natsu and Sting yelled.
"Oh! I wonder what kind of dragons he has!" Wendy bounced in her seat.
PERFECT CELL: (Uncrosses his arms) Alright! I'm actually getting a little excited now!
"I know, right!?" Romeo shared the bug's excitement.
YAMI YUGI: I was unrivaled in my time. (Slides deck into his duel disk).
Cana raised an eyebrow at the deck of cards. "Does he use magic cards too?"
YAMI YUGI: And now I stand here in modern day as King! So, Perfect Cell… Do you accept my challenge? Or do you bow to the whims of my majesty?
"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!"
PERFECT CELL: Finally, someone who gets it! Ebb forth your divine providence, mighty Pharaoh! And let us upheave the land with our battle!
"I didn't expect something so big so soon, but this has even got me excited," Jellal mused.
YAMI YUGI: Then it's time to d-d-d-d-d d-d-d-d-d-duel! Wh-Where's your deck?
"W-What? Why would he need a deck to fight? If you use Card Magic, then only you would need a deck," Cana was actually baffled by Yami's reaction.
PERFECT CELL: My d-d-d-d-d-d-d-deck?
YAMI YUGI: Yes, your deck! Also, the hologram projectors! What, are we gonna do this analog? (Shuffles his deck of cards randomly) Because I mean I can, but we're gonna have to get a little closer.
"...What…?"
PERFECT CELL: Is this a prank? Which one is it? Ashton or Jamie? Oh, please, don't tell me it's Bam Margera…
"No idea who any of those people are," Freed said.
YAMI YUGI: I'm trying to duel you! (Pulls out a card) in Duel Monsters…
"ARE YOU TRYING TO PLAY A GAME!?"
PERFECT CELL: "Duel...Monsters"?
YAMI YUGI: It's a children's card game! Ancient Egyptians loved it!
"It's called the "Cell Games", but you didn't have to take it literally…" Rogue sweat dropped. He felt embarrassed about getting excited over it.
PERFECT CELL: F***. I'm down. How do we play?
"Of course it agreed to the game," Lucy sighed.
(Time skip to the middle of the fight)
YAMI YUGI: What do you mean, I can't use Monster Reborn!?
PERFECT CELL: (Holding up the rule book) Yup, right here, the rulebook you gave me: "Monster Reborn has been tournament illegal since 2004." I mean, it's been off and on since then, but it's...it's currently forbidden, so…
YAMI YUGI: But, this isn't a tournament…!
"I mean it is. Not a standard tournament, but it is a tournament," Levy responded.
PERFECT CELL: Isn't it? Is it not?
YAMI YUGI: Fine. I play Pot of Greed!
PERFECT CELL: Also banned!
YAMI YUGI: What!?
"How do you not know these rules!?" Erza questioned.
"Yeah, from all the bragging you did earlier, you made it seem like you were the "King of Games" or something," Minerva mocked Yami.
PERFECT CELL: 2005.
YAMI YUGI: Then Brain Control!
PERFECT CELL: 2010~!
YAMI YUGI: Silfer the Sky-!
PERFECT CELL: Oh, come on! All God cards are banned.
YAMI YUGI: F**k you!
"Don't be upset just because you don't know the rules!" Happy laughed.
"This is just embarrassing," Cana sighed.
PERFECT CELL: Also its' eight thousand life points, not four. No idea where you got that from.
YAMI YUGI: You're full of shit!
"Sounds like a loser to me," Laxus shrugged.
YAMI YUGI: (Walks away from Cell) I'm taking my Millennium Puzzle and teenage boy's body and going home!
"Repeat that last part again?" Levy did a double take.
PERFECT CELL: Also, it's cheating to have some else help you during the game. Byeee~! That's a deep voice for a 14-year-old, my god!
"HE WAS 14 YEARS OLD!?"
Cell Vs. Ryu & Ken
(Scene opens with Perfect Cell looking at his arms weirdly with Ryu and Ken standing behind him).
PERFECT CELL: Hm. I feel different.
"I'm more concerned about the two muscular men behind you," Yukino said.
"Mama likes!" Cana gave a thumbs up.
KEN: Hey, ugly! (Cell ignores him) Hey, I'm talkin' to you!
"It knows. It just doesn't care," Rogue said.
PERFECT CELL: Me? I'm sorry(Turns to face Ken and Ryu) I heard "ugly" and assumed you MUST be talking to someone else.
"No, you are pretty fucking ugly," Laxus disagreed.
RYU: Beauty is in the fight of the beholder.
"I like this guy," Natsu smirked.
KEN: Name's Ken Masters, and this is Ryu. You're the six and a half-foot tall pain in our butts who's threatening to destroy the world, aren't you?
"I mean...who else would look like Cell and just build a stage in the middle of nowhere after threatening the entire planet with destruction?" Levy rolled her eyes.
"He was being sarcastic, Levy…"
"So was I."
PERFECT CELL: 6' 8", actually. By your get-ups, I'm assuming you're here to challenge me.
RYU: The truth lies in the heart of battle.
"Is he just a walking muscle basket of quotes?" Minerva asked.
KEN: Eh, d-don't pay attention to that; it's just how he communicates/
"You should get that checked out," Carla said.
RYU: The only way warriors can TRULY communicate is with our fists!
"AGREED!" Natsu shouted.
PERFECT CELL: What about our...MOUTHS?
"To talk or to…?" Cana was cut off by Lucy's shoe hitting her face.
KEN: Stand back, Ryu...I'm gonna take the first and ONLY round.
"Can't wait to see how he gets his ass kicked," Gajeel smirks.
PERFECT CELL: Ho-oh boy, excellent! Then let us begin!
(A pair of health bars appear above the screen with MR. P. CELL on the right side, and WIERDFACE KEN on the left side.)
ANNOUNCER: Are you ready? Go!
KEN: (Dashes towards Cell) Shippu Jinraikyaku! (Ken launches four kicks and a knee at Perfect Cell, only to receive no damage)...uh, hey Ryu? Uh, you wanna-
PERFECT CELL: Shoryuken! (Uppercutting Ken into the sky).
The mages burst into a loud fit of laughter at seeing the cocky fighter get his ass kicked.
KEN: AAAAAGH-!
RYU: Ken, no! (Purple mist starts emitting off Ryu as he falls onto his knees) The...the Dark Hado! It's coming out!
"W-What is that?" Yukino asked, fearfully.
"It kinda looks like Rogue's abilities," Sting makes the connection.
"No, this is a lot different from me," Rogue responded.
KEN: I...can't...control it! It's going to...overtake me!
PERFECT CELL: ...Have you tried praying it away?
"Not sure if that'll work…" Levy said.
RYU: Consciousness...losing...consciousness...Fading into...darkness.. (His body goes limp).
PERFECT CELL: Well, at least someone finally threw a punch…
"Yeah, the last couple of guys have been disappointments-" Laxus started.
(Ryu suddenly transforms into Evil Ryu, surprising Cell)
"WHAT THE FUCK!?"
EVIL RYU: EEEEEGH!
PERFECT CELL: AAAAGGGGHHHH!
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!"
(Evil Ryu charges at Cell as the screen goes black with punching sound-effects and sparks are only showing. Then it shows Perfect Cell standing over Evil Ryu's defeated body).
PERFECT CELL/Everyone: ...WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?
ANNOUNCER: YOU WIN!
KEN: (Falling down from the sky) AAAAAH-HOO-HOO-HOO-!(Smashing into the ground)
ANNOUNCER: PERFECT!
"It would say that…" Freed rolled his eyes.
Cell Vs. Sonic & Knuckles
(Scene opens with Perfect Cell humming the song 'Escape from the City' as something zoomed behind him).
"What the hell was that?" Laxus questions.
PERFECT CELL: What in the blue blazes? (Sonic appears in front of Cell).
"Is that a blue hedgehog?" Kagura asked.
"Happy, look! It's you!" Natsu pointed at Sonic.
"HAPPY ISN'T A HEDGEHOG!" Lucy slapped him.
SONIC: Hey there! Sonic the Hedgehog's my name, speed's my game! (Then knuckles fell from the sky and landed next to Sonic).
KNUCKLES: And I'm the Echidna, Knuckles.
"Knuckles? You mean like chuckl-" A hand slapped itself over Millianna's mouth.
"Don't finish that," Kagura warned.
PERFECT CELL: (Quietly) Say his name and he shall…
KNUCKLES: And unlike him, (Points at Sonic) I don't chuckle.
"Dammit!" Kagura swore.
PERFECT CELL: Ha!
SONIC: NOw, ya big bad BeetleBorg, we'll give you one chance to high-tail it before we have to take you down!
KNUCKLES: Yeah! Either cut the crap, or we'll beat it out of ya!
PERFECT CELL: Really? What's the hedgehog gonna do? Give me Rabies?
"Did Dr. Gero give you anything to combat rabies? Because, it's a pretty dangerous thing to catch," Mira said.
SONIC: I challenge you to a race, Cell! If you lose, then you gotta leave the planet, and NEVER come back!
"Welp, this is only going to end in one way. And it won't end in the Hedgehog's favor," Freed frowned.
PERFECT CELL: Ah, a test of speed, then… (Another Cell appears behind Sonic)
SONIC: Ah!
CELL CLONE: Don't mind me, I'm just occupying multiple spaces at once.
"Yup...definitely not terrifying at all…" Lucy shivered.
SONIC: H-how are you-
CELL CLONE: With MY speed. There's also a third one selling chili dogs outside the ring. (Points towards the hot dog stand with another Cell Clone selling chili dogs and Knuckles eating one right next to it).
SONIC: That's impossible.
"We've been saying that since we started watching these guys. You get used to it at some point," Levy said.
CELL: No, (Flicks Sonic's ear) You're too slow. What's impossible is how anyone could mistake THAT thing for an echidna.
"Damn."
KNUCKLES: Oh, I am gonna stomp a mudhole in your ass and walk it dry now- (Cell Clone slams Knuckles into the ground, hitting his head) OW!
SONIC: Knuckles! I have no choice now… I'll have to use...the EMERALDS! (He reached behind him only for the Chaos Emeralds to not be in his hand).
PERFECT CELL: (Chuckles) You mean these Chaos Emeralds? (The Chaos Emeralds start circling Perfect Cell with Sonic stammering in disbelief, looking at Knuckles struggling to climb up from the ground, and back to Cell who's staring at Sonic with an evil grin. The blue Hedgehog sped off in fear.)
"Why do I feel like Cell having those is a horrible idea?" Makarov asked.
"Probably, because anything having any source of power near Cell is a bad idea," Gildarts answered.
"Frosch feels bad for Sonic," Frosch said.
"His fault for getting involved," Lector shrugged.
KNUCKLES: Wait, hold on! You're my ride! Aww, man! (Nervously giggling) Sorry, I'm, uh...not as...fast as him. Uh, hang on! Huahh! (Jumps in the air and glides) Hu! (He jumps again and glides) Gah! I...really. D'oh! (He jumps again and glides again) I wish I could do more than glide!
"That was just pathetic," Laxus sighed.
PERFECT CELL: (Throwing away the Chaos Emeralds and breaking the fourth wall) Kids, there's nothing cooler than being hugged by someone you like.
"Is...is it talking to us?" Wendy asked.
"I would hope not. Goku was bad enough," Romeo said.
Cell Vs. Kenshiro
(Scene starts with Kenshiro walking towards Cell)
PERFECT CELL: Oh goody! It's...this guy! (Kenshiro stops in front of Cell) So then, Road Warrior, how can Mr. Perfect Cell help you? (Kenshiro starts cracking his fists).
"Seems like my type of guy," Laxus smirked.
"I didn't know you were into guys, Laxus!" Mira gasped.
"I'M NOT YOU DAMN DEVIL!"
PERFECT CELL: So, a man of few words. I can respect tha-
KENSHIRO: Hey!
PERFECT CELL: Okay just cut me off.
KENSHIRO: Bugman.
PERFECT CELL: Homeless Man.
"Pfft! Ok, that was a good one," Romeo chuckled.
KENSHIRO: The meat part of you, your muscles, is that bug meat? Or man meat?
"Are you going to eat it!? WHY!?" Lucy gasped, disgusted.
PERFECT CELL: Are we talking percentage? Because at LEAST thirty percent if we include-
KENSHIRO: I don't care for man meat.
"At least we know you aren't a cannibalist," Lucy sighed, relieved.
PERFECT CELL: Look, you clearly got off at the wrong bus stop, so why don't you-
KENSHIRO: HurrrrRAGH! (His shirt rips off)
Most of the women in the guild blushed at Kenshioro's muscles.
"MANLY!" Elfman rips his shirt off too.
PERFECT CELL: Okay, but WHY, though?
"BECAUSE IT'S MANLY!" Elfman responded.
KENSHIRO: Sho! (He rushes at Cell, striking him numerous of times) Rrata-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-TAA!(Cell just smiles at Kenshiro's attacks) Atoh! Awa-wa-wa-wa-wa.
PERFECT CELL: My God, how did you know I was deathly allergic to TICKLING? (Laughs)
Laxus sighed at the screen. "Seems like another disappointment-"
KENSHIRO: You're already dead.
"Wait wha-"
PERFECT CELL: (Still laughing, then screams as his body explodes, only for it to regrow back) AUGH! CHRIST! DID ANYONE EVER TELL YOU YOU'RE ALREADY AN ASSHOLE!?"
Everyone laughed at seeing Cell get its ass handed to him. It was cathartic to see the Perfect being get humbled by a homeless man.
KENSHIRO: Are you going to…(Points towards Cell's severed arm) eat that?
"Gross…" Lucy whined.
PERFECT CELL: No. No, I am not.
KENSHIRO: Well...may I?
PERFECT CELL: Sure...make it your last meal. Because after that, you're dead!
KENSHIRO: No, you are, already. Again.
"Wait wha-"
PERFECT CELL: (Screams as his body, unexplainable, explodes again, covering Kenshiro with his green blood).
"The only one who wasn't a total disappointment," Laxus smiles.
Chapter End
NOTE: The next Chapter will be the last 5 of TFS Cell Vs. and then we'll finally be at the Finale of this story.