Betrayals, Truths and Family
Chapter 8: A Son Thinks About Life
It was later in the evening and Harry was exhausted from all the emotion of recent times, but he couldn't sleep. There was simply too much on his mind.
He had been betrayed by people he used to think of as family. As friends.
He found out he had a father. And a grandfather.
He found out he had been lied to about everything.
He found out he was due a creature inheritance in a years' time.
He found out he would have a mate who would love him always.
He found out he could get pregnant with his own children.
That thought always managed to bring a smile to his lips. He placed a hand on his flat, too thin stomach and imagined what it would be like to carry his child within him. To birth him or her. To hold them in his arms. To raise them. To love them.
Merlin did he want a child. That might be weird considering he was only fourteen years old. But he wasn't a normal fourteen-year-old. Mentally he was an adult. He had been through too much in his short life to be considered a child anymore. The last time he was ever allowed to be a child was the first fifteen months of his life. After that his life consisted of abuse, manual labour, and a lot of other horrors that normal fourteen-year-old children don't have to experience.
In fact, he had been through more than most adults had been through.
He thought about how nice it would be to feel his child move within him. How nice it would be to be lying in bed with his mate, wrapped in each other's arms, fingers intertwined on his distended stomach, feeling their child kick, and squirm. Both of them talking to the baby about nothing and everything. Discussing names, how to decorate the nursery, what they needed to buy, what they would all do together.
He didn't fail to see that he was imagining all of this with the person he had had a crush on for, well, for a long time. Although, he wouldn't really call it a crush since he was pretty sure he was in love with him. He didn't fail to imagine children with platinum blonde hair and green eyes, or with black hair and blue eyes. Or children who looked just like Draco Malfoy, but with maybe a few of his own features.
He thought about how his father had told him that Draco was a Light Veela. Merlin did he wish they were mates.
Harry thought about what would happen when school started up again. The Tournament. He shuddered at the thought. He didn't want to compete in the blasted thing, but he knew he had to. He couldn't let Dumbledore know that he knew the truth yet or there would be trouble.
Harry didn't know how he would be able to get through this year. He knew it was going to be one of the hardest years of his life. He felt so alone. So lost. So confused. Like the whole world was going to swallow him whole. Like everything was going to go wrong. Like he was going to break. Like he was going to drown in a sea of tears. And he didn't know what to do.
He knew that he wasn't alone. That he had his father. His grandfather. His few remaining friends. The ones that didn't betray him. He knew he could go to any one of them. But he didn't know how. He was so used to being alone. But he didn't want to be alone. He knew he wasn't. But being alone was all he knew, and he didn't know how to go asking for help. Help that he knew he would need. Because this was going to be a difficult year.
He knew that he would break down multiple times this year. And he knew that he had people he could go to, people who would help him through them. But he didn't know how to go to them because he had never had anyone to go to before.
He wished everything would just end. That he didn't have the weight of the world on his shoulders. That he didn't live such a horrible life. That he didn't have people trying to ruin his life even more than it already was. That he didn't have a mad man trying to control him. That he didn't have people betray him. That he didn't have this life. That he was just a normal fourteen-year-old boy with normal teenage issues.
But he was so thankful that he wasn't alone anymore. That he had a father who loved him and would look after him. That he had a grandfather who loved him. That he had some friends who didn't betray him. That he had a creature inheritance that would allow him to have everything that he ever wanted.
But he wanted his mum. Needed his mum.
But she wasn't there because a mad man killed her. One that wanted to kill him. After betraying and using him, of course.
His father had been amazing, but he needed his mum. Nothing could beat a mothers' love and comfort. The few times that Molly Weasley had hugged him over the years he thought he had found someone who could love him the way only a mother could. But now he realises that all of it was a lie. A very good lie. But he needed his mum. He needed her there to comfort him, to help him with having children when he got around to that. To help him be a good mother, because that is what he wanted to be. A mother.
He knew his father would help him, through everything. And for that he was grateful. But he wanted his mother there too. Needed her there.
Merlin, he was confused. And Tired. And emotional. And distraught. And so many other things. He didn't know what to do. He wanted nothing more than for life to be simple. For his life to just get easier.
But he knew that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.
Not with Dumbledore still around. Or his ex-friends. As long as they were around, they would just keep making life difficult for him. They would just keep hurting him. They would keep betraying him.
He was scared.
Scared of what the next year would bring.
Scared of what other pain they could cause him.
Scared of what they could do to him and his true family.
Scared of losing everything he has recently gained.
Scared of being found out too soon.
Scared that this has all been one massive trick.
Scared of everything.
Literally everything.
But he had no choice but to pretend to be strong. Like he always had. And he hated that. Hated all the masks he had to wear. Hated being 'Harry Potter'.
He knew he was going to break down multiple times this year. The pressure had been building too much. Too fast. He was just going to break at some point. And he would keep doing so. He had spent too long 'being strong'. He had spent too long hiding what he was feeling, and it was all getting to be too much for him. He couldn't take it anymore. He needed a break. He couldn't deal with the rubbish in his life anymore. He just couldn't.
But it was an ongoing battle and he knew it was going to last years. He wouldn't be free of this pain for years.
He wouldn't be free.
That was the thought that finally sent him to sleep. He didn't even notice that he had been crying and that his eyes were red, and his cheeks sore. He just fell asleep. Too tired and pained to do anything else.
Hey, I hope you are all well. Sorry for the wait but I have been ill, and busy, and had a lot going on. But I am better now, and things are calming down a bit. Hope you like the chapter. Have a good day!