Here is part 2

2 days later

Olivia had been missing for 2 days now and Amanda was barely holding it together.

Her vocal stim had made a major reappearance and she seemed to be more prone to meltdowns in the brunette's absence.

Entering the courtroom they knew what they had to do.

"Your honor, if we could," Amanda said as she and Cragen entered the courtroom.

"This is an urgent police matter."

"We need to question counselor Mayer," Amanda said, her patients running thin.

"We are in the middle of an arraignment."

"I understand that-" Amanda started but was cut off by Cragen, who could see she was close to losing it if he didn't intervene.

"Captain Donald Cragen, SVU," he said firmly before continuing.

"Your honor, counselor Mayer may have information about a suspect who's holding an N.Y.P.D. detective hostage."

"Lewis was right," she snapped. "You do have a vendetta against him," she continued before beginning to walk away.

"Counselor," Cragen said firmly and she stopped and looked at him. "Your client broke into detective Benson's apartment two nights ago."

"Now, he either killed her or he's holding her captive," he snapped, glancing at Amanda who had begun flapping her hands, doing her best to stay in control of her emotions but he could see she was struggling.

"You're out of your mind." "I just saw him," she said.

"When, where?" Amanda demanded.

"This is harassment." "I don't have to answer your questions," she said and Amanda could feel herself getting closer to a meltdown. Everything was to bright, so bright and loud and she just wanted to block it all out.

She needed to stim, needed to hum and flap her hands, needed to rock or hit, anything to make the tight feeling in her chest go away but she knew she couldn't, not right now.

Luckily Cragen noticed and made a mental note to take her aside when they returned to the squad room and let her do what she needed and provide whatever comfort he could.

He just hoped she could hold on a little longer.

The last thing he needed was his youngest detective having a full-blown autistic meltdown in the middle of a courtroom.

"Counselor, hey." "Look, these... these are photos from that detective's apartment," Amanda said, thrusting the photos towards her.

"You have the wrong suspect." "I was with him all day yesterday," she said.

"Where?" Amanda asked, her voice quite calm despite the emotions inside her that wanted to come bursting forth at any moment.

"We drove out to Long Island."

"In a Lincoln?" Cragen asked and she stayed quiet briefly before answering him. "Yes."

"He stole it," the blonde said bluntly.

"Where'd you go?" Amanda demanded. "He wanted to go to the beach to clear his head."

"Ok, so on this drive, did he stop the car?" "Did he check the trunk?" Amanda continued without waiting for a response to her first question.

"No." "We have reason to believe detective Benson was in that car," he said and sighed sadly at the distressed whine from Amanda that she couldn't suppress no matter how hard she tried, her brain providing mental images she didn't want.

"Shhh," he whispered, just low enough for her to hear and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"We are almost done."

"No!" "The car was empty," she exclaimed. "Did you stop anywhere?"

"I had to get back to the city and before he dropped me at the train station we stopped for dinner."

"Where?" Cragen asked sternly.

"At my parents' house in Bellport."

"Were they there?"

Arriving back at the station Brian approached Cragen. "Captain, any news?"

"They're still searching."

"Last witness we have saw her alive."

"Was Liv ok?" He asked.

"Compared to the witness, yeah," Cragen responded, glancing over at Amanda who at the moment appeared to be calm but he knew it may not last long.

"We know this guys car, we know where he's been and what?"

"He just disappears?" Brian questions angrily.

"He's... he's done this before," Amanda said quietly, shutting her eyes tightly, everything becoming to loud and bright all of a sudden and she knew what was coming.

"Uh, Munch and I have g-gone over his M.O," she said, her leg beginning to bounce up and down under the table.

"Lewis doesn't preplan," Munch said, glancing at Amanda who had begun rocking back and forth slightly.

"He... he follows certain patterns," she says, letting out a distressed whine, her rocking increasing in speed as a hand went into her blonde hair where she gripped hard and Cragen new he needed to step in before she began hitting.

"Amanda, let's go in my office," he said gently. "N-no." "'m fine," she said even as she began to pace.

"He's like a cat p-playing with a mouse," she continued, her breath picking up speed and another distressed whine making its way passed her lips.

"Amanda, hey, let's go into my office." "Let's calm down," he said once more but she just flinched away, continuing to speak.

"Wh-when he can, he takes them to a safe house, he takes his time," she said, doing her best to not start biting or hitting her head but that became much more difficult when Munch spoke his next statement.

"Kentucky, his girlfriend's mother, he offers her a lift in the circle "K" parking lot," he said and took a deep breath before speaking his next words.

"He stops at a hardware store."

"He gets rope, ducked tape and a soldering iron," he continued and the meltdown Amanda had been working so hard to prevent hit full force.

"Stop, make it stop," she screams, rolling her chair backwards until she was at the wall and she began repeatedly hitting her head.

"Amanda, shh," Cragen said pulling his detective's chair away from the wall and she let out a shriek, this time beginning to bite her arm and he sighed, knowing he needed to get her out of the squad room.

"Make it stop, please, make it stop," she begged and he took a deep breath.

"Make what stop, Amanda?" "Liv, hurt, please, make it stop," she begged and he had to do everything he could not to break down with her, knowing what she wanted he couldn't make happen, not until they found her.

"Amanda, I can't make it stop," he whispered and she let out another cry.

"P-please," she sobbed, beginning to rock back and forth steadily. "Amanda, sweetie, you know I can't," he said, his heart breaking for her.

"I can help you though."

"Should be me." "Doesn't deserve it," she cries and he can see she's drawn blood with how hard she's biting."

Amanda, listen to me," he said softly but firmly. "I need you to stop that." "My fault, my fault, my fault."

"Liv, angry, won't like Amanda anymore," she signed.

"How?" "How is it your fault?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

"Brought you the case."

"You're hurting yourself, Amanda," he said gently.

"Please, stop biting." "Liv, hurt, burned," she signed going nonverbal and he knew this might happen.

With the brunette's abduction he knew this would throw off the blonde's routine. He just didn't know how much, until now.

"I know but we will find her, and this is not your fault," he vowed, gently removing her arm from her mouth, wincing and motioning for Munch to hand him the first aid kit.

"It's over, Liv." "It's over now," Nick said softly.

"He's still alive," Fin said and Olivia just stared. "I-I don't know how," she said emotionally.

"You did what you had to do," Fin said.

After giving her statement, Olivia sat talking with Cragen.

"Well as far as the department is concerned you're a hero," he said softly, making eye contact with Amanda through the window and when she saw Olivia she immediately began crying.

"They will want a press tour when you're feeling-"

"Liv," came the cry and looking up they saw Amanda in the door way to Cragen's office, tears running down her face. "Oh, sweetheart, come here," Olivia whispered, but Amanda just whined looking at Cragen who sighed before kneeling down in front of her.

"It's ok." "Go to Liv," he encouraged before adding, "be gentle."

Hurrying across the room, the blonde attempted to climb into the brunette's lap but was stopped by Cragen.

"Here, Amanda," he said gently, lifting her into his arms and placing her next to Olivia on the couch and the brunette placed her good arm around her friend and she carefully moved closer, placing her head on her shoulder but not leaning into her, mindful of her ribs.

"Liv," she cried once more, knowing what the brunette went through.

Suddenly another meltdown came on, which neither Cragen or Olivia were to surprised by and she attempted to hit her temples with her fists but was stopped by Olivia's gentle melodic voice.

"Honey, no, no hitting," she said softly, sharing a look with Cragen.

"They've been pretty severe," he said and she just nodded, carefully pulling Amanda closer before beginning to rock her the best she could with her injuries, sighing when she felt the tension leave her friend's small frame.

"Stay with you?" She asked in a small voice and Olivia looked at Cragen.

"You both are staying with me," he said.

"Me and Liv?"

"You and Liv," he confirmed.

"Here that, sweetie?" The brunette whispered. "You're staying with me."

"Hey, honey, one more thing," she said softly. "It's not your fault," she whispered, kissing the blonde head tucked into her shoulder and Amanda sighed.

It would take time for her to forgive herself, but she was finally believing and beginning to move forward.