Hello everyone. This one follows Lewis's trial. This focuses on Amanda and Olivia but still follows the storyline pretty well. I'll just be adding more of my own stuff in this one.
It was a few weeks before Lewis's trial and Donald Cragen was worried, and he hated to be worried. Getting up and walking across the hall he went immediately to Olivia's bedroom, not even bothering to check Amanda's room, knowing immediately where she would be.
Opening the door, he was proven right when he saw the two of them in bed sound asleep, Amanda cuddled as close to Olivia as she could get and he sighed.
Since the brunette's rescue the blonde wouldn't let her out of her sight.
Her nightmares were another issue in itself.
Olivia sat with Rafael a little while later going over her testimony.
"Olivia." "Olivia?" "Are you with me?" He asked and she nodded.
"Yes, sorry."
"Ok," he said gently.
"You were telling the jury what happened after you arrived home that night," he said, glancing at Amanda who was glued to the brunette detective's side, one hand fisted in her shirt, afraid Lewis would escape and take her again if she let go and he wondered if she would be able to testify.
"Sorry, I, um..." "I stepped into my kitchen," she continued, glancing down at Amanda who had begun rocking back and forth slightly and she prayed a meltdown wasn't coming on, hearing her begin to hum.
"I sensed a presence." "I went to reach for my gun but I froze," she said and Rafael nodded.
"Leave that detail out," he said. "Don't imply that anything was your fault."
"Don't imply that anything was your fault," Amanda echoed before immediately covering her mouth. "Sorry," she signed and Rafael reached over and took her hand.
"It's ok, Amanda," he said softly, knowing her echolalia had been more prominent since Olivia's kidnapping and rescue.
"Right, sorry," Olivia said quietly, reaching down to run a soothing hand through Amanda's hair who immediately leaned into the touch, craving the contact.
Knowing her next words could send Amanda spiraling she asked softly, "do you want to wait outside?"
"Do you want to wait outside?" "Stay with you," she said and Olivia nodded.
"Before I could reach for my weapon, the defendant, William Lewis, put a gun to my head," she said and Amanda's rocking picked up speed and her humming became more prominant, making the attorney look at Olivia, wondering if he should stop this.
"You need a break?" He asked and she responded with a question of her own. "How close is the trial?"
"Lewis has one last pre-trial motion," he responded, glancing once more at Amanda whose rocking had slowed significantly and he prayed she could keep it together a little longer, knowing she wouldn't leave Olivia unless absolutely made to or the brunette left.
"What is there to argue about?" Olivia snapped and the smaller detective immediately tensed, noticing the person who was always there for her become angry and stressed and she began humming softly once again, reaching over and taking Rafael's hand, squeezing tight and he returned The gesture, knowing they needed to finish, and quickly. "It's ok, Amanda," he whispered and immediately she opened her mouth to speak but no words came out except the words he had just spoken.
"It's ok, it's ok, it's ok," she said, beginning to flap her hands, looking at the older woman who smiled reassuringly, reaching over and stroking a soothing hand down her cheek.
"Jurisdiction," he continued, realizing he hadn't answered the brunette's question.
"His attorney wants three separate trials." "One for your kidnapping, one for Mrs. Mayer's rape and the murder of her husband and one for the murder of the Suffolk county police officer," he explained and he could see the wheels turning rapidly in the younger detective's head before she angrily began to pace, clinching and unclenching her fists and he could see she was starting to become overwhelmed.
"Mrs. Mayer is still willing to testify?" Olivia asked and he nodded. "Mm-hmm."
"She's tough," the brunette detective said. "She wants him to die in prison," Rafael said before continuing, cautiously, knowing the blonde had calmed once again but not knowing if it would last when he spoke his next few statements.
"You should know I am going for attempted murder and attempted rape." "He didn't rape me," Olivia said immediately and he sighed.
"I understand that that's important to you, but he's gonna claim those four days were consensual," he said and the explosion Amanda had been trying to contain cane bursting forth at his words, not able to deal with that, knowing how her friend was hurt and emotionally it was to much.
Suddenly she was on her feet, shouting and screaming as her fists pounded into her forehead, eyes slammed shut.
"No, no, no," she screamed and Olivia immediately jumped into action. .
Going through her list she began attempting to calm her. First, remove immediate dangers.
She was hitting herself in the head as hard as she could, her forehead flame red and there was blood around her eyebrow and nuckles.
"No, no, no, lies, not consensual," she screamed and Rafael's concern of whether or not she could testify increased dramaticly.
"Amanda, sweetheart, calm down, shh," Olivia said, gently taking one of the blonde's arms, Rafael doing the same, having to hold it against himself to hold back the force Amanda was conjuring and Olivia followed suit.
Amanda was now shaking her head violently, screaming something neither of them could understand and trying to get out of their grip.
Cragen suddenly entered the room, having come to check on the two detectives and immediately jumped into action when he saw the situation.
"Captain, get music and something for between her fists." "She's squeezing hard enough to break the skin," Olivia said loudly, knowing the younger detective's screams would increase at the noise.
Cragen immediately found the blondes bag and began going through it, finding her headphones, her phone and some thick beanbags." Walking back over he struggled to get it in between her clinched fists.
Olivia seeing this, pried her fingers open and wrapped her hand around her friend's, making sure she didn't let it go and the attorney did the same as Cragen unlocked the blonde's phone, found her playlist and placed her headphones over her ears.
She eventually began to relax, her attempts to break free lessening and the tension leaving her body, a monotonous hum escaping her mouth as she rocked rhythmically back and forth.
"What caused that?" Cragen asked and Olivia sighed, lowering her friend to the floor and taking a seat next to her.
"Amanda, we are going to let you go but if you try to hit again we will have to restrain you," Olivia said, not exspecting an answer and she nodded to Rafael who let her go.
She immediately curled into herself, keeping up her steady rock and hum.
"I'm going for attempted rape, and when I said he would claim the four days she was missing were consensual, she lost it," Rafael said quietly, looking apologetic at Olivia who just shook her head. "It's not your fault," the brunette said, shifting closer when Amanda leaned towards her, continuing her rocking and humming.
"I know, but I still should've gotten her out of the room," he said and she just shook her head. "She wouldn't leave without me anyway," she said and he nodded.
After about 10 minutes, Amanda moved forward, crawling into Olivia's lap and the brunette cuddled her, cooing softly, "are you ok now, sweetie?"
"Not consensual," she whispered, and Olivia pressed a kiss to her hair comfortingly.
"He knows that, sweetheart," she said immediately, gently rocking her and motioning to Barba who was standing off to the side talking with Cragen.
"Sorry," Amanda whispered, tears falling from her eyes and Olivia pulled her closer. "It's ok, baby." "You can't hurt yourself though," she said and Amanda nodded, suddenly exhausted.
"These next few weeks will be hard on us as well as Olivia," Cragen told Fin, Nick and Amanda later on that day as they all stood in Cragen's office. Amanda had calmed down but was nonverbal and Barba just hoped she could testify.
"I will be calling all of you," Barba said, glancing at Amanda who had begun rocking back and forth, tapping her temples with a finger and Nick rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Can you stop that?" He snapped, and she let out a distressed whine before crouching in a corner of the room, all movements stopping abruptly.
"Nick," Cragen said, glaring at him before kneeling down in front of the blonde. "Don't wanna testify, don't wanna hear Liv," she said and he looked at her before it clicked.
"If it gets to bad we can step out, ok?" Cragen said softly but she just let out another distressed whine, her rocking becoming more frantic and the older man shot a pleading look to Barba.
Sighing, he joined the captain and gently took one of the blonde's hands. "Amanda, it will be ok," he said, his heart breaking when the tears came pouring out.
"I promise you, Liv will be fine," he said gently, shocked when she fell into his arms, sobbing hysterically and resuming the rocking motion she was doing moments ago, now hitting his chest when she rocked backwards.
He carefully sat behind her, pulling her back against him and starting up the rocking motion she had been engaged in for the last few minutes, knowing it helped her regulate.
Lewis is representing himself. Those words ran on a loop in Amanda Rollin's head as she paced the squad room.
He would get to question Olivia. "Question Olivia, question Olivia, not right, not supposed to be that way," she thought, her pacing becoming more intense.
"Barba and Lewis's attorney are supposed to question Liv, not Lewis, not Lewis."
"Amanda, baby, are you ok?" Olivia said softly, and the blonde spun around, looking at the brunette. "Not right, not right," she said.
"What's not right, honey?" She asked, taking a step towards the upset blonde. "Lewis's attorney is supposed to question you." "It's not supposed to change," she said, a hand going into her hair and Olivia let out a sigh, knowing what she was saying now.
"I know, sweetie, but he is representing himself," she explained, sighing again when her friend's agitation increased at that statement. "Trying to hurt you," she said, a loud cry escaping her mouth and she began hitting her head into the wall behind her.
"Honey, hey, stop that," Olivia said softly, placing her hand between Amanda's head and the wall, wincing at the scream that escaped her mouth, knowing the whole floor probably heard it.
Hearing a door open, Olivia glanced over to see Cragen, looking at them with concern. "Lewis questioning me," she mouthed and he nodded, just wanting to get this trial over with before it possibly destroyed not only Olivia, but Amanda as well.
"Not right, not right, hurt you," she continued screaming and the brunette gently pulled her into a hug, fighting back tears when the blonde clung to her, a hand gripping her jacket.
"Baby, he won't hurt me," she whispered, walking over and sitting in her chair with Amanda curled up in her lap, her face buried in her neck and a hand still gripping her jacket.
"Shh, let's just relax for a bit," she whispered, kissing the top of her head and beginning to sway gently back and forth in the office chair, knowing she would be asleep in minutes and she was right.
Here is part 1. Next up is the trial. Amanda testifies and Lewis questions Olivia. Amanda will continue to struggle the next few chapters. After these two will be gambler's fallacy then beast's obsession.