Hey everyone. I changed Lewis's cross examination of Olivia in the last one. Anyways I really hope I can do a good job with this one. This will follow the conversation in Olivia's office during the episode gambler's fallacy.

Olivia Benson was pissed, and she was angry with the last person she thought she would be angry with, Amanda Rollins. At this moment she didn't care about her autism, or the meltdowns or anything else.

The blonde had lied to her. .

"Rollins," she called out, putting a halt to the argument between the blonde, Fin and nick.

"Yes, Sargent?" She said quietly, stepping into Olivia's office where the brunette had comforted her, held her and talked her through meltdowns thousands of times before. This time it felt different though, and she had a feeling she wouldn't be getting the comfort she so desperately wanted, not this time.

"I'm not happy about any of this."

"I had to lie to fin."

"I had to lie to Amaro," she said, taking a deep breath to control her anger.

"A woman was raped," she continued, glancing at Amanda who had begun rocking back and forth, clearly trying to hold in her emotions, knowing Olivia wasn't going to take her in her arms, not after this.

"Lieutenant Murphy swears neither he nor you knew anything about that."

"Knew anything about that," she parroted. "No, there's no way I would've went along with things if I had," she said, her rocking increasing in speed as a hand gripped her blonde locks.

"You wanna tell me how you ended up working undercover in an illegal gambling club?"

"You already know, I fell behind and when I couldn't pay and they found out I was a cop they forced me," she said quietly.

"Guess its just lucky Murphy was UC, huh?"

Taking a deep breath, Olivia said the words she knew could shatter the blonde into a million pieces. "Lieutenant Murphy May trust you, I don't," she said before continuing.

"And if we weren't so short-staffed, I'd transfer you, today," she said and Amanda just stared, never having seen this side of Olivia and wanting to speak but of course, she had gone nonverbal.

"I'd transfer you, I'd transfer you," she repeated over and over as a fist came up to hit the side of her head.

"Amanda, no," she said, moving forward and taking the blonde's wrist but she didn't hug her.

"I-I don't know how I'm gonna get back into your good graces but I'm gonna try," she said, fighting back tears and resisting the urge she had to be held. "I-I'll move out," she said and Liv just hung her head.

"Ok, we are done here," Olivia said. "Go on home."

"Don't wait up," she said and the meltdown she'd been trying to hold in came exploding out like an irrupting volcano.

The sobs came bursting forth and a fist hit the side of her head once more as she continued screaming the words Olivia had said moments earlier, "I'd transfer you,."

Suddenly Fin was in the office, gently restraining his partner. "Hey baby girl, lets calm down," he said softly but she just let out another loud cry, her hitting being replaced by biting.

"Liv," she sobbed, watching as she walked out of the office, only making her distress levels increase.

Suddenly she broke out of Fin's hold and attempted to follow the brunette. "Liv," she sobbed once more, catching up with her and attempting to hug her.

"Not now," she snapped before disappearing out of sight and that was simply more than the blonde could take.

She collapsed to the floor of the brunette's office and began rocking rhythmically back and forth, a hum escaping her mouth as she covered her ears and tears ran down her face.

"What do we do?" Nick said as he and Fin watched Amanda. Her rocking and humming had stopped a while ago, but she hadn't moved, and they figured she was nonverbal.

"Let me try," Nick said, feeling sorry for her and being a big enough person to put their issues aside for the moment.

"Amanda," he whispered. "What do you need?" He asked quietly.

"What do you need." "Liv, I need Liv," she said as she began to cry as she glanced around the brunette's office.

"Ok, Amanda, I'm taking you home," Fin said, entering the office. "Where do you want to go?"

"Where do you want to go?" She repeated. "Mine and Liv's place," she whispered.

Entering the apartment, there was no sign of the brunette. "Amanda we can stay with you," Fin said as he gave her a hug but she shook her head.

"No." "I-I have to get used to it."

"Get used to what, Amanda?" He asked, his heart breaking when she picked up one of Olivia's hoodies and held it close to her chest before answering.

"Being by myself." "Liv isn't coming back," she said as she began to sob.

"She's gonna leave me, just like everyone else."

"P-please just go," she sobbed once more, going into the bedroom and curling up on Olivia's side of the bed, clutching the brunette's pillow.

"Fin, we have to do something," Nick demanded. "We can't leave her," he said, a tear making its way down his cheek.

"I've never seen her like this," Fin said quietly, sighing sadly at the sobs he heard from the other room.

"Liv wouldn't just leave her," Fin said.

"I'll go find her," Nick said as he left the apartment.

"Amanda?" Fin said softly as he walked over and held her close.

"I-is Liv coming back?" She asked and he just sighed.

"I don't know," he whispered and she just looked around sadly before quietly beginning to speak.

"Do you remember when she let me move in with her?" "She helped me organize everything," she continued and he just kissed the top of her head comfortingly, not knowing what to say.

"She let me organize my room exactly how I wanted," she continued, beginning to show him the layout of the room, even though he'd seen it before. "I know, Amanda," he said, smiling slightly.

"I-I don't want to stay here without her," she said. "I wish I could take everything back," she screamed, more tears falling down her cheeks and she buried her head in his chest, the tears soaking his shirt.

"I know, Amanda," he whispered, beginning to rock her back and forth, hoping she would get to sleep but he knew that wouldn't happen, not until she saw Liv.

A little while later they heard a key turning in the lock. Amanda was still with Fin and Nick had gone out to look for Olivia.

"D-did you find Liv?" Amanda whispered and he took a deep breath.

"I did." "She-she's gonna stay with me tonight," he said and Amanda nodded before quietly shutting the bedroom door and Fin heard talking soon after.

Opening the door, he saw her sitting on the bed, having finished her nighttime routine by herself, something she never did without Olivia there to make sure she doesn't miss any steps.

Looking closer he saw her holding a picture of Olivia.

"Night night Liv," she whispered. "I did my nighttime routine all by myself."

"I followed the instructions you wrote down for me," she continued and he just hoped the brunette came home soon."

"I love you," she said as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"I-I hope you don't have any bad dreams about Lewis," she said, more tears beginning to fall and Fin couldn't take it anymore and crossed the room, went around to Amanda's side of the bed and laid down next to her, pulling her close.

"Miss Liv," she said tearfully.

"I know, baby," he said quietly.

"You have to go to sleep though," he said.

"Can't." "Liv always tells me good night."

"I-I need to see her," she said and suddenly they heard the apartment door close.

Looking and seeing Nick still in the doorway, they knew who it was.

"Nick?" "What are you still doing here," she asked and he let out a sigh.

"Fin is with Amanda."

"We took one car," he said. "Why is he still with her?" She asked and he sighed.

"Liv, she's upset," he started, glancing into the bedroom and the brunette followed his gaze, staring in shock at her blonde detective.

"Amanda," Fin whispered. "Look who's here," he said and Amanda immediately looked around and when her eyes landed on the brunette she began to cry once more.

Suddenly all the anger disappeared and she was at the bed in two long strides. "Amanda, I'm gonna get up now," he said but was stopped by his partner.

"Is she leaving?" "No, baby, I'm not," the brunette answered as she crawled into the bed and took the blonde into her arms.

"'m"sorry," she sobbed, one hand gripping the brunette's shirt.

"No, honey, I'm sorry," Olivia whispered, sitting up and beginning to rock her back and forth, knowing she'd be asleep soon.

"You don't trust me," she said, the tears coming faster now and Olivia took a deep breath before responding.

"I shouldn't have said that and I certainly shouldn't have left you," she said tenderly, pressing a kiss to the blonde's head.

"Normal," she said. "Want normal, don't want change," she continued.

"Nothing will change, baby and I'm so sorry I left you," she said gently. "We will work this out, I promise," she continued, lying down with the blonde in her arms like they do every night and Fin smiled, knowing they would be ok, even if it did take a while.

"Baby, let me get changed and I'll be right back," she said before glancing at the blonde, seeing she was in her night clothes.

"Good job, baby," she said. "I followed all of the instructions," she said proudly, hugging the brunette once more.

"Did you brush your teeth?" She asked softly and Amanda nodded.

"Everything," she said, glancing at Fin.

"He helped." "I read her the instructions," he said with a smile.

"Thanks, guys," Liv said softly. "I'm sorry I wasn't here," she said.

"Me too," Amanda piped up and they looked at her.

"What are you sorry for, sweetheart," Olivia asked.

"Gambling," she said. "And for lying," she said.

"It's ok, Amanda," they said. "Everything will be ok," Liv whispered. .