Chapter 20 – Time to Think

AN: I added this (short) chapter after reading the reviews. I don't believe I explained my reasoning for the 'sense of obligation' proposal, or the consequences of Elizabeth's decision very well. So, lets join Darcy and Elizabeth as each has time to think upon their interactions.

Mr. Darcy did not storm out of the parsonage as expected after such a trying conversation. To Lizzy, who watched with newly opened eyes, she noticed the exacting manner in which her betrothed donned his gloves and placed his hat under his arm. It seemed Mr. Darcy could not look at her, his gaze narrowed to his actions and mind considering the events that just occurred. He was, quite obviously astonished at her answer and the restrictions she placed on any relationship between them.

Bowing, the movement stiff but practiced, Mr. Darcy prepared to leave, giving a customary salutation, "until tonight, Elizabeth."

Curtsying, Lizzy said nothing. However, her eyes continued to follow the austere man as he left the parlour, opened the door to let himself out of the parsonage and strode down the path to the gate which led onto the lane. She continued to gaze out the window, until the man became quite lost to her. At which point, Elizabeth Bennet's legs failed her. All but falling into the chair she'd occupied when Mr. Darcy entered the room a quarter hour previously, her sister's letter forgotten, the maelstrom of emotions suddenly hit the young woman.

Tears sprung into her eyes. "I am engaged," Lizzy had to force the words past her lips, "to Mr. Darcy. How has this come about?"

The clock on the mantle chimed the half hour. Charlotte and Maria would soon return from visiting the villages most needy parishioners. Undoubtedly, Mr. Collins would conclude his duties in time to dress for tea at Rosings. Forcing herself from the seat, Elizabeth rushed up the stairs to her room tin order to find solitude.

"How," Miss Elizabeth Bennet requested of herself for the second time in as many minutes, shaking her head in disbelief, "as this come about."

"You," her alter ego suggested from the reflection of the window seat glass, "must start at the very beginning of your acquaintance with Mr. Darcy. Has he not always paid you attention, even if you chose to misconstrue his motives?"

Smirking, Lizzy recalled the first moment she set eyes on the man. "I considered him handsome but not pleased with Meryton society in general. It seems we were not up to Mr. Darcy's impeccable standards. That gentleman's actions at the assembly proved his disdain for many of my family and friends. What if it had been his sister who was so slighted?"

"Had not his sister," once again that pesky alter ego played the devil's advocate, "been the very reason for Mr. Darcy's ill temper and harsh words. Cannot the bonds of sibling affection change our perspective and behaviour? While you might not have known then, you are more than aware of his situation now."

"Then why come into society," Lizzy demanded, attempting to recall every word and look Mr. Darcy perpetrated while stalking around the ball room.

"Because he could not refuse his host. To do so would be impolite," that little voice answered. "You have come to know, Mr. Darcy is all politeness."

"Yet, he was allowed to be discourteous, even offensive to all in Meryton." Sighing, Elizabeth had to concede, Mr. Darcy might have been caught between a rock and hard place. A sudden though brought a smile to Lizzy's lips. "Besides, should he have stayed at home, undoubtedly, so would have Miss Bingley by design. Perhaps that was the reason he could not give consequence to young women slighted by other men."

Still you hold those words against me. Am I ever to pay for a moment's anger?

Shaking her head as Elizabeth recalled Mr. Darcy's words, the full impact of her own pride and prejudice fell upon her. Had she not just decided the gentleman had little choice in attending the assembly for several reasons. Even Mr. Wickham stated his foe could be liberal and generous to the poor, while liberal-minded, just, sincere, rationale, honourable, even agreeable with those he knew well.

That, the alter ego once again intrude on her thoughts, is the reason Mr. Wickham's lies are so believable. He mixes the truth and falsehoods so convincingly, so seamlessly as to make his assertions credible.

"My days and nights at Netherfield should have shown Mr. Darcy's true character," Lizzy belatedly understood, "had I not already judged him wonting. Indeed, Mr. Darcy followed my conversations at Lucas Lodge, even allowing Sir William to goad him into dancing, an amusement he did not practice unless well acquainted with his partner." Startled, Elizabeth wondered if Mr. Darcy considered them well enough acquainted although they had known each other less than a sev'night and been in company only twice at that time. Once again, he had requested she stand up with him at Netherfield, much to Miss Bingley's constination.

While the man actively ignored Miss Bingley's more flirtatious overtures, her blatant attempts to attract his attention were amusing, from Elizabeth's point of view. Yet, her mind considered, to be so hounded in a place you were invited by a close acquaintance should be intolerable. Still, Mr. Darcy's interactions with Mr. Bingley speak of a warmth between the gentleman able to overcome even Miss Bingley's coying presence. That Mr. Bingley is still in trade speaks highly of Mr. Darcy. Many of the first circles would not give a man attempting to establish himself in the world so much attention. This speaks very well of Mr. Darcy's character. More so that he chose to befriend such an amiable man as Mr. Bingley in the first place. It was not for another week, when Mr. Wickham came to Meryton, that I heard his tale of woe. I was so fixed on Mr. Darcy's arrogance and disdain for the feeling of others by this time, I ignored all evidence to the contrary.

Here, in Rosings, Elizabeth contrasted his behaviour, Mr. Darcy returned to his austere best while in the company of his aunt, yet, has shown a more relaxed attitude while in the presence of anyone else, especially his cousins. He has worked to see to Colonel and Mrs. Fitzwilliam's marriage. Even though deceit of any kind is abhorrent to him, Mr. Darcy played to Lady Catherin's assertions in order to bring about the union. I believe he, as everyone else associated with Rosing, is uncomfortable in the company of that overbearing Lady. Who could not be, such an ill-mannered woman with little in the way of true accomplishments, or even proper civility. No, Mr. Darcy's true character is that which he demonstrated while we strolled the groves of Rosings. Why have I not come to this realisation sooner.

Then, as a blinding light, it came to Elizabeth Bennet. Mr. Darcy himself had said he was uncomfortable in the company of those he did not know well. "I will go further!" astonishment colouring her tone, Lizzy rose from the window seat to examine her reflection in the looking glass atop the bureau, before addressing the image. "Mr. Darcy is uncomfortable with any who do not show good manners and deportment on first encountering them. He looks to the ridged propriety of society for his responses, so he might say as little as possible. Yet, it is his gaze and expression that first drew my notice. Mr. Darcy studies character as I do. Not from inside a conversation, or using humour and wit, but by observation. How have I missed the true likeness of this man? How have it treated him so abominably when all he wishes is to protect those for whom he feels responsible, including me!"

Pride, that alter ego jumped at the chance. You chose to be wounded by his comments and looked upon every action with prejudice. Jane warned you while walking in the garden at Longbourn.

"I believe, under your hurt, you like Mr. Darcy because he challenges you," her sister's quiet voice echoed in her mind. "What if you were to meet Mr. Darcy again and he apologised for his remark? Would you think better of him then?"

"Oh, Jane, how well you know me," Lizzy cried. Sudden tears erupted, pooling in her eyes and making tracks down his cheeks as she recalled yet more of the conversation. "Is that not exactly what Mr. Darcy has attempted on our walks this last fortnight? He wished to improve my opinion of him, to court felicity and respect between us."

"Perhaps," the remainder of Jane's advice intruded upon Elizabeth's contemplations, "because of that continuing prejudice causing you to look upon him with a negative eye. It is easy to find fault if that is what you intend to find, Lizzy. In order to truly become acquainted with someone, you must forgive them their faults, and see behind the socially acceptable façade we all wear, to the character hidden in their thoughts and actions."

And that, Lizzy berated herself, is exactly what I have not done.

But, the pesky alter ego couldn't help but respond, only in Mr. Darcy's case. Why, do you think? Why hold others in such esteem, especially with your new understanding of the world, yet, continue to think of your, now, betrothed with a prejudiced eye. Mrs. Woodward might have filled your head with notions of marrying for less than love. Are not respect and felicity a part of that emotion, indeed the basis for it?

But, Elizabeth's mind cried out, do I hold any regard and feel felicity towards the man? There are aspects of Mr. Darcy's character I admire, more so since coming to know him on our walks. Should he continue to be this man, the one of the last fortnight, I might very much fall in love with such an honest, considerate man.

Her solitude suddenly interrupted, Elizabeth Bennet head Charlotte and Maria enter the parsonage. Finding her handkerchief, she dried her eyes. Taking a final look at her reflection, Charlotte could not miss the evidence of Lizzy's emotions. Still, she could not hide in her chamber until Mr. Collins called them to walk to Rosings. To do so would be ill-mannered indeed.

"Eliza," the ever-calm tone of her friend enquired when Maria's attention was diverted elsewhere. Until the tea tray arrived to sooth the throats of the parched women, Miss Lucas burst forth with tales of all her sister had achieved amongst the poorest of the parish.

"I am well, Charlotte," Lizzy smiled as she reservedly reassured her friend. "I received a letter from Jane. Mama and Lydia have been unwell."

"Yes," the serene woman nodded. "I had heard Longbourn was quarantined."

"Yet," Lizzy's emotions, so near the surface, caused her to speak more sharply than she wished, "you did not tell me!"

"Mama did not feel the need to write until the quarantine had been lifted. Are you sure," the surprisingly astute woman requested, "this is all that upsets you?"

Shaking her head, Elizabeth Bennet was saved from further examination by the entry of Mr. Collins, hurrying them to dress. "We are bid to Rosing in less than half an hour. Make haste!"

Charlotte watched Elizabeth ascend the stairs, knowing much played on the woman's mind. Jane's letter and the included notes had been abandoned on a side table in the front parlour. This, more than anything, displayed the news from Longbourn was not her friend's most pressing dilemma. Questioning the maid before going to dress for their outing, Charlotte Collins learnt of Mr. Darcy's visit. A smile on her lips, the woman could only assume her predictions in regard to a match between the two had been correct.

"But," Charlotte whispered to herself, "how has Eliza answered him? Should she have refused, I am sure one of her headaches would keep her from Rosings. I shall have to watch the interaction between them tonight carefully and come to my own conclusion."

AN: I hope this wasn't to disjointed and shed some light on the events to come. A huge thank you to everyone who is attending to this story. I appreciate all the errors being pointed out. As stated before, I'm making the changes in the original manuscript. Unfortunately, there has been some thief of work from this site and publication under other's names. I have caught one of my short storied so used. This is my way of proving the prose is indeed mine.