I began writing Demigods and Dragons in the fall of 2019, after having adopted it from Tsunami_Seawing13 on Wattpad. It went well for a while. I was pumping out updates, and the story got popular. People were leaving comments and bookmarks and kudos and reviews and thumbs up and whatever across Wattpad, AO3, and . That was, up until summer or fall of 2020.
I realized I wrote myself into a corner, with no idea how to progress the story. The writing started getting messy. Characters became inconsistent, with no actual struggles besides just journeying across Phyrria, yabba dabba doo. It's no fun. I stopped writing because frankly, I had no idea what to do with the story. Pandemic schooling was absolutely railing me too, and I just lost all motivation to write. It's such a big project, sitting at over 60 thousand words, yet in my opinion, not a single word of it meant anything. I started writing smaller works, and I went into it with purpose. Radiant Eyes and Snow in the Sanctuary.
Thinking back, I realize my struggles with Demigods and Dragons stemmed from me having no idea what I was doing. It was my first fanfiction, and I started writing with no end goal in mind. No specific plot. No struggles for characters to overcome, no meaning behind the plot. It was purely self-indulgent, and like all addictions, it comes crashing down.
I write this note coming out from months of learning how to compose music, and I want to share it with you. Just like music, writing is an art. It conveys something. It's a universal human experience. You don't need to be a good writer or music composer to understand what good writing or art is. But what you do know is that good writing and music conveys meaning. This meaning can only be derived when you go into the creation process with a goal in mind.
I was always happier writing Radiant Eyes not only because I wanted to write about a dragon with laser eyes, but because I wanted to examine my patriotic values, my wish to serve in the military, and the possibility of the two soldiers standing before my parents' door with an American flag. The meaning of the story is about grief, dedication, and so much more. It's a story that's close to my heart. The writing in that story is still messy, particularly the last chapter, but I'm more happy with it than Demigods and Dragons. Even though my application to the United States Military Academy was rejected for medical reasons, I still want to pursue the military in the future, and as such, Radiant Eyes will always have more meaning than Demigods and Dragons. Another example: Snow in the Sanctuary. Even though I suck at writing romance, and have absolutely no idea how girls think or talk, I still wrote Lynx in because I wanted the story to convey a few key messages. Suicide is never the answer, and you need someone to help you get out of depression. No one can do it alone. I couldn't do it alone. I struggled all of fall 2020 to summer of 2021 with school. I was sleeping like shit, moody as shit, and I couldn't keep up with the schoolwork. I was in an awful shape. I legitimately think I would have gone insane if I didn't have a friend to drag me to the gym, and keep me consistent on at least one thing. I pushed my family away. I wanted to be alone. I had to live up to the high standards set by my immigrant parents. I felt like I wasn't worthy. That's why Winter was, is, and always will be, my favorite character. I related to him on so many levels. His need to uphold his supposed superiority. Him pushing away his friends, whom his parents felt weren't worthy (or because they were racist). Him always keeping his thoughts to himself, suffering in silence. I wrote the story over winter break because I wanted to use Winter as a vector to examine my awful time in 11th grade, during the pandemic, to try to recover from my struggles and learn from my mistakes. To open my heart to people in my time of need, to understand that sitting around, staying up late, hurting myself weren't answers to the pain I felt.
All that is to say I wrote Radiant Eyes and Snow in the Sanctuary with purpose. I did not write Demigods and Dragons with purpose. But now, I wish to change that. I am a stubborn person. I do not give up so easily. The 60 thousand word story is in an awful state right now, but I believe it can be salvaged.
I will be rewriting the story. I will be condensing chapters and reorganizing the plot, characters, and more.
Before I do all of that, I will evaluate why I'm writing the story, and what I want to convey, because writing conveys meaning, and it is meaningless if I, the author, do not go into it with intent.
By the way, Super Sushi 3000. You being a guest meant I couldn't directly reply to you, and because I couldn't find you anywhere else, you kinda prompted me to write this update, so thank you. Hopefully I'll have some time this summer as I transition between high school and college.