Chapter 24 - Promises Broken
"Shall we walk?" Jane offered upon waking.
In the hour before breakfast, Miss Bennet's suggestion stemmed from curiosity and her sister's expression of melancholy. It appeared Lizzy slept hardly a wink last night. Dark circles under her eyes, Elizabeth quite obviously grappled with heavy burdens, however she seemed no nearer a solution this morning than the evening before.
"Not today," Elizabeth sighed, allowing the action to cover a yawn. "I find I would like wide open space, trees and solitude. This I will not find in the little park closest to our aunt and uncle's home."
"Lizzy, will you not give me even a hint of your troubles," Jane pleaded, worry evident in her tone. "I am not the only one anxious for you. Aunt Gardiner asked for a moment of my time before coming above stairs last night. She wishes to know what occurred in Kent that Maria is ignorant of."
"Jane," warned her sister, pushing up to sit on the side of the bed. Facing the wall, Elizabeth did not let her sister see her expression. "Please do not request that which I cannot give you."
In Lizzy's heart, she knew it would not be long before her sister began to fit all the pieces together. Amiable Jane might be, but stupid she was not. Miss Bennet would scrutinise each and every word, glance, expression and movement over the next days. When she managed to place them in the correct order, Jane would confront Lizzy with her conclusions. Usually they resembled the truth, far too accurately for Elizabeth's peace of mind.
"I will see if we can take an outing to Hyde Park as soon as may be," Jane offered after a few minutes. Sarah, the maid assigned to help the three young ladies dress, would come to them in a quarter of an hour. Until then Miss Bennet wanted to use the time to carefully question her sister. "Aunt Gardiner took me on a carriage ride along the Ring Road at Hyde Park in my first week at Gracechurch Street. Although the season is now underway, there will not be many people about during the morning hours. We were able to stop the carriage and walk the Ladies Mile in peace and safety. I should so much like to show it to you, Lizzy."
"I would so much like to see it!" Of their own volition, Lizzy's eyes sparkled with delight at the suggestion. Her mind stated this was exactly what she needed to restore her flagging sprits. "I have read of it but never seen Hyde Park. I believe it is one of London's delights I wish to sample."
"If we ask our Uncle today, I am sure he will make the carriage available," Jane soothed, "perhaps as early as tomorrow. Aunt Gardiner and I have no fixed engagements."
Smiling at her sister's attempt to gain information, Lizzy answered, "nor I after taking tea with Miss Darcy today."
"Then we shall settle it over breaking our fast," Jane's delight shone in her voice.
Mrs. Gardiner readily agreed to the plan. Anything that would bring the sparkle back to her nieces' orbs would be done. They set a date for two days' time as Mr. Gardiner invited several business associates to dine with them on the morrow.
"I expect both of my nieces well rested and able to hold conversation with the Mr. Franklin's," he explained. "Both young gentlemen have recently arrived to London after being educated at Oxford. Mr. Thompson, their uncle, and his wife will also be joining us. The young men are to assume positions and take over the company when Mr. Thompson wishes to retire to the country house he has recently purchased."
"Oh Uncle," Lizzy found amusement in the idea rapidly forming in her mind, "are you to show us off in the hopes of forming an attachment?"
"I am simply giving you the opportunity to move in a larger society than is your norm," he joined in her merriment. "If you should like one of the gentlemen, I will not be displeased. Either would make an eligible match even if they dabble in trade to supplement the income from their small estates. Like you mother, I wish you both happily settled in your own homes. However, unlike my dear sister, I will not foster felicitation upon you. The choice, Jane, Lizzy, is yours to make."
And make it I already have, Lizzy didn't know where the sudden though came from. I have agreed to be Mrs. Fitzwilliam Darcy. It is a promise I cannot, I will not break although I know it to be possible because none other than the principals are aware. Yet, how could I injure Mr. Darcy so. He has lost so much in his life. It must have mortified him to find his heart given to a woman he knew disliked him, spread gossip and maligned his character by believing the lies of Mr. Wickham. Oh, how blind I have been. I must see him today and change out agreement so that our closest family are aware of the connection. But for that to occur, my father's blessing must come first. He will be shocked, grieved that I am attaching myself to a man he believes I loathe. Yet, it has been many months since my thoughts began to change. I remember walking in the garden at Longbourn speaking of the feelings Mr. Darcy generated in me with my dearest Jane. Even then I was more honest with myself, understanding my prejudice to come from his hateful comments upon our first meeting. Why can I not get past those words when Mr. Darcy has openly stated he admires and loves me? When I know what caused his ill humour that night?
"Lizzy?" Jane called to her sister, intruding on her thoughts.
"I'm sorry," Lizzy's brows furrowed while she searched for an excuse, "I was thinking of the delights to be had in Hyde Park."
"Trees can be nothing to young men recently come into their fortune," Mrs. Gardiner teased.
"No, indeed not, Aunt," Lizzy finally smiled. This genuine expression of pleasure pleased everyone at the table. "You know how I seek any opportunity to be out doors. In this, Hunsford agreed with me exceedingly well. I found myself falling in love with the woods and hills of that county almost as much as those surrounding Longbourn."
And, her impertinent mind supplied, the company you kept on those walks.
Colour rising on her cheeks, Lizzy hid behind her cup. She would have time later to consider Mr. Darcy and the emotions he generated within her. In fact, Lizzy looked forward to tea at Leighwood House this afternoon. Perhaps seeing him again, speaking with her betrothed, strange how easily that word came to her, would calm her heart and mind.
As if Jane knew not to ask about Mr. Darcy, the name did not cross her lips for the remainder of the day. Maria, on the other hand, could not help herself. She chatted incessantly about the unexpected marriage of Colonel Fitzwilliam to Miss de Bourgh, meeting Mr. Darcy's sister and the removal of Lady Catherine. In fact, Miss Lucas made up for all the moments she had remained quiet in the presence of that very illustrious lady by talking nonstop. Lizzy and Jane could not wait until her father came to collect her tomorrow.
"Let us dress for our outing," Mrs. Gardiner suggested as the hour drew near. "I will speak to the nanny and say adjure to my children. We must be leaving in half an hour if we are to make it across town by two. Lizzy, ask Harris to call for the carriage so it may be ready."
As they approached Leighwood House on Berkeley square, Lizzy's feet itched to stroll in the large open space surrounded by impressive homes. Each faced onto the green in the middle of the square, affording a spectacular view of nature. Mr. Darcy's town house took up only a portion of the block. Small in comparison to its neighbours, Elizabeth wondered which Lords and Ladies lived at this very exclusive address.
How will my early morning rambles in this wonderful space shock the nearest neighbours, the thought brought a smile to her face. It will be a great start to my day with Mr. Darcy. I am sure he will want to stroll with me just as we did in Kent.Elizabeth's brow furrowed. Have I accepted my impending marriage so easily? Are my feelings for Mr. Darcy somewhat more than I have allowed? Good Lord, why do such thoughts come so easily?
"The woman who is to become mistress of this will have to put up with a great deal," Mrs. Gardiner stated before the carriage stopped, eyeing her niece. Madeline believed more occurred at Rosings Park than Lizzy let on. By a process of elimination, the culprit had to be Mr. Darcy. "Do you think the house renders the owner just a little lest repugnant?"
"I have come to know Mr. Darcy better," Elizabeth started, drawing Jane's eager attention and a curious look from her aunt, "during my time in Kent. I believe I have been somewhat mistaken in his character. He can be an amiable man when he puts his mind to the task."
"He improves on closer acquaintance?" Jane asked.
"Somewhat," this time Lizzy managed to let her good humour reach her sparkling eyes. She had to wonder how much of her mood had to do with the prospect of seeing her betrothed. "He is an interesting man of many attitudes, not all of them affable. I am not saying that Mr. Darcy does not have pride, just that he can contain it on occasion."
"You have forgiven him, then," Jane requested, "for his remarks at the Meryton Assembly?"
"Almost completely," Lizzy laughed with the realisation that she had absolved him of malice. However, the insecurity still remained. Jane had always been considered a great beauty. Elizabeth did not claim to be vain but she had never been faced with a man unwilling to look upon her or claim her to be barely tolerable.
"Then your opinion of Mr. Darcy is one of warmth," Mrs. Gardiner sounded a little astonished.
"Yes," Elizabeth confessed. "I believe I have been partly responsible for his reputation in Hertfordshire and it pains me greatly to realize I may have been too quick to judge his character. I have done the gentleman a great wrong."
There I have said it, Lizzy thought. I have confessed the truth and allowed my family to think better of Mr. Darcy.
"Well that is quite an admission," Mrs. Gardiner offered, surprised by the turnabout. She could take the conversation no further as a footman opened the door.
Waiting at the top of the stairs, the butler showed them into the drawing room. Miss Darcy stood from the three seater chase when her guests entered. After the introductions, the party sat. It seemed no one would open the conversation. So they passed a few uncomfortable moments.
"Miss Darcy," Aunt Gardiner smiled at the young woman, "I am amazed by your resemblance to your mother."
"You knew my Mother," the girl gushed, edging closer to the front of her seat.
"I grew up in Lambton, not five miles from Pemberley," Madeline Gardiner explained. "You mother often visited the town and was well respected by its residents."
The conversation ebbed and flowed. They moved quickly onto music after exhausting Miss Darcy curiosity. As the minutes ticked by, Mr. Darcy did not make an appearance as Elizabeth expected. She became more and more agitated and withdrew from the conversation to wonder why. Jane, sitting beside her sister noted the change immediately.
"My brother is attending to business," Miss Darcy offered without prompting. Her gentle blue gaze settled upon Elizabeth, as if this piece of information were meant for her. "He wished to be available but it could not be so."
Missing the conversation preceding this remark, Lizzy did not feel able to make a comment. She simply smiled politely and allowed the others to speak. Annoyed with her daydreaming, she determined to follow the dialogue more closely. However Mr. Darcy's name never entered the conversation again. Too soon they were saying good bye and Georgiana agreed to return the visit. Aunt Gardiner stated they would be indisposed for the next two days but would welcome a visit after that.
The rest of the afternoon passed slowly. Lizzy practiced on the pianoforte in the Gardiner's drawing room. Her uncle requested she play and sing for their guests on the following day. Jane soon joined her, embroidery on her lap and listened without a word. Elizabeth knew her sister watched every nuisance while she became guarded in the extreme.
The following day proved harried. Sir William, in town on business, passed the evening in the company of an old acquaintance. Arriving at Gracechurch Street by midmorning, he intended to escort Maria back to Lucas Lodge. Taking tea with the gentleman and ladies, Mr. Gardiner removed to his warehouse while Sir William and Maria started their journey to Meryton.
"I am sure," Mrs. Gardiner teased with a good natured sigh, "Sir William will not hear the end of Rosings Park for several days."
"It did seem to leave quite an impression on Maria," Jane smiled.
"Come ladies," Madeline stated, "we have much to do to prepare for tonight. I would like to see you in the pink sateen Jane. It looks very well on you. Oh, and do you think that new green gown would fit Lizzy? I know you have not worn it yet but I would very much like it if you made a good impression on Mr. Thompson and his nephews. His links to some of the trade routes are essential to your uncle's continued prosperity."
Dressed in their finest, Lizzy and Jane arrived to the drawing room a full quarter of an hour before the guests were due. Once the introductions were over, the two young men favoured Jane with their company. Use to men fawning over her sister, Lizzy watched on with amusement as the brothers, five and eight and twenty respectively vied for her sister's attention. Jane, as usual, did not detect any particular regard from either man and seemed pleased with both of them. It made Elizabeth chuckle silently. For all Miss Bennet's intelligence, she could be naïve in the extreme where a gentleman's attention was concerned. Because of her distraction, dinner and the evening passed quickly and happily for Lizzy.
The following morning they broke their fast and called for the carriage. Any thought of coming across Mr. Darcy while in Hyde Park soon became a foolish and somewhat romantic notion on Elizabeth's part. Few ventured out at this early hour, not even the speed daemons along Rotten Row. The sheer size breathtaking, Lizzy found ample sources of pleasure in the open space. She rambled well ahead of her aunt and sister on the Ladies Mile. The tour took up the better part of the morning giving her much time to think.
"I shall be happy," Lizzy grinned but could not keep the tinge of sadness from her tone, "to come here every morning."
"That is not possible," Mrs. Gardiner stated with a slight smile, "for anyone."
"I know," Lizzy lamented, climbing back into the carriage for their ride home.
Today marked the third day without seeing or hearing from Mr. Darcy. Her heart ached and her mind raced. Fear griped Lizzy as she considered he might have changed his mind. That an engagement to a woman so opposed to him might prove abhorrent as Lizzy only accepted out of duty and obligation, not love and felicity. The thought brought dread and Miss Elizabeth Bennet's soul finally cried out in pain, the absolute pain of rejection by the one you love above all others.
Stumbling as she alighted the coach, Jane's eyes took in a shocked expression. She'd watched the changing emotions cross Elizabeth's countenance. Her own heartbreak so recent, she understood on a level never considered before.
"You have wallowed in your self-pity long enough, Lizzy. If you cannot tell me what occurred in Kent, then let me guess," Jane demanded her sister's attention the moment the door to their sleeping chamber closed that night. "You came to know Mr. Darcy in Kent and your feelings for him moved from loathing to affection. I never believed him to be as heartless and proud as you. Mr. Darcy singled you out, especially at the Netherfield Ball yet you could not let go of your pride when he spoke so ill of you. I suppose Mr. Darcy proposed while you were in Kent." Watching her sister's reaction to her words closely, Miss Bennet continued to observed the sadness surrounding Lizzy's usually sparkling and expressive orbs. "You have accepted," Jane guessed, noticing the sudden in drawn breath. It confirmed her suspicions as little else had. "But, you choose to keep your engagement between you because you cannot bring yourself to believe in a marriage based only on felicity and respect as both Mrs. Woodward and I suggested. Do you not see, Lizzy, you would never have given your hand to Mr. Darcy if your heart did not follow."
"I know, Jane," Lizzy felt the tears running down her face. She felt so silly, not recognising her own heart before now. "I only uncovered my feeling this morning while touring Hyde Park. You have no idea how much I wanted Mr. Darcy's carriage to come upon us on the road so I might speak with my betrothed. It was then I knew myself."
"Then what is the problem," Jane floundered at the sadness emanating off her sister.
"He has not called nor been at home when we took tea at his house," Lizzy said as if this explained everything. "I have not spoken to him since he sought my hand."
Only through years of understanding, did Jane fully comprehend her sister's distress. She hid her smile. "You believe he's changed his mind and wishes to break the engagement."
"Why else," Lizzy finally allowed her sorrow to show, "would he stay away so long."
"Oh, Lizzy," Jane sat beside her and soothed, "perhaps he is trying to teach you a lesson or allow you time to understand your own feelings. Does not absence make the heart grow fonder? I believe you considered yourself obliged to accept him. That is my fault for pushing you in a direction your heart refused. Do you not see, Mr. Darcy is waiting for a sign from you!"