Another day, another adventure in the not-so normal town of Gravity Falls. However, for this morning, Patrick was having everything but an adventure. He was in the Mystery Shack when Tyler Cutebiker came in and asked him about Christmas stuff. "Why would you want Christmas thinks?" He asked, while standing behind the register. "It's the summer."
"Well, you see, I like to get my Christmas shopping done early," Tyler informed him, while looking around the shop. "Do you have anything that's in the spirit of the season?"
Just then Stan entered the gift shop. When he saw Tyler, the old man groaned. "Ugh! He's still here?"
"The guy wouldn't go away unless we give him something Christmas-like," said Patrick.
Stan looked around the shop for anything to give the local enthusiast out of his shop, before spotting a bowl of broken glass on the counter. "Uh, how about these crystals?" Stan held out the bowl, hopping Tyler would buy it.
"Ha ha! Looks like broken glass," he said in a positive tone.
Patrick looked surprised at him. "Wow, even I thought that would work," he said, taking the bowl of glass out of Stan's hands and placing it back on the counter.
"Ooh! What is that new thing," Tyler asked before running off to see what he was talking about. Just then, Dipper and Mabel walked into the gift shop.
"Grunkle Stan?" said Dipper, as they approached the counter.
"Can we go to the diner," Mabel asked, before grabbing her stomach and playfully moved it up and down. "We're huuungry."
Dipper smiled and mimicked his sister. "Huuuuungry." The two siblings groaned loudly, holding their stomachs. They then hit their stomachs together three times, as Patrick laughed at the moment.
"You know what, we should go out for breakfast," the teenager told Stan. "It certainly beats what we're eating here."
"Yeah, sure. Soon as this yahoo makes up his mind," Stan told the three, pointing at Tyler. The man skinny man was now standing next to a fur trout hung on the wall.
"Do you have this in another animal," Tyler asked the Pines family.
Patrick gave him a look that brought out the bags under his eyes. He then looked at the twins, knowing that Stan would agree if he asked him. "Lock him inside?"
Mabel and Dipper nodded eagerly.
A moment later, the Pines kids watched as Stan locked Tyler in the gift shop by passing a long plank of wood into the handle of the front door and bracing it against the floor. With the enthusiast locked in the house, the family ran to the car and drove off as quickly as they could.
But Tyler didn't seem to notice at all. He was too busy trying to decide between two shirts he was holding up. One with a puma, and the other with a panther. "Puma shirt, panther shirt. Puma shirt, panther shirt. Puma shirt...panther shirt."
{Play Stranger Things theme by Kyle Dixon & Michael Stein}
[0:00-0:03]
At the beginning of the intro, there is nothing but blackness.
[0:03-0:08]
Then about three seconds later, a bunch photographs started falling from above in slow motion.
[0:08-0:11]
Getting a closer look at one of the photographs, while others twirled and spun in the background in slow motion, shows the town of Gravity Falls from a distance.
[0:11-0:14]
Another picture shows the Mystery Shack during the night time, with bright lights shining thought the windows.
[0:14-0:16]
One photo shows a thundering sky that had a large, flying creature's shadow being seen through the dark clouds. The camera then focuses on a picture behind the previous one, showing large claw marks on a tree trunk, as more photos were seen falling.
[0:16-0:19]
Three photos are focused on now, one showing an angry Gnome, the second showing something that resembles the Long Ness Monster, and the third show a dinosaur tooth trapped in amber.
[0:19-0:25]
The camera shows the cluster of photographs continuing to fall, before angling downwards to show all of them lying on a flat surface, collecting in a pile.
[0:25-0:40]
The camera then gradually moves back to show more of the photos landing. After the last of the photos were on the surface, the camera moves upwards, displaying nothing but blackness again.
[0:40-45]
Then the title of the story, including the red circle with triangle, appeared in a flash of light.
WEIRDER THINGS
[0:45-end]
It then disappeared, before the chapter title appeared.
Chapter Six
Dipper vs Manliness
Greasy's Diner was the only diner in Gravity Falls. It was built to have the same shape and look of a log. The food was good, but one good look in the interior, and you could tell that any Heath Inspector wouldn't even touch the place with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole. Waitresses would often have to dive off woodpeckers, they would get in and start pecking into the wall, including beavers that would come out of holes in the floor.
The Pines family entered into the diner, pasting by Old Man McGucket, who had been drinking way too many cups of coffee. This caused him to shake with no control of his body while muttering, "Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! Coffee!"
They pasted Wendy and her father, Manly Dan. Manly Dan was eating a large chicken leg, while his daughter eating eggs and bacon. Wendy noticed gave them a wave. Patrick returned the gesture with his own.
As they sat down at a table, with Patrick and Dipper sitting on one side and Stan and Mabel sitting on the opposite side, the teenager then saw that both Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland were there too. Blubs was eating a tall stack of pancakes very quickly, with his partner using a speeding device to see how fast he was going, while chanting, "Go! Go! Go! Go!"
Patrick then saw a waitress chasing away a beaver with a broom. "When was the last time the Health Inspector came," he asked.
"There was no last time," Stan told him. Then Lazy Susan walked up to their table and the old man smiled at her. "Lazy Susan! There's my little ray of sunshine! Where were you yesterday?"
"I got hit by a bus!" She responded, seeming to not really mind at all.
Patrick's eyes widened. "Oh!"
But while he was surprised, Stan was laughing and slamming his fists on the table. "Ha ha ha ha! Hilarious!"
"Thank you," Lazy Susan said before laughing. "Ha ha ha ha hee hee ho ho ho." Patrick was more than certain the woman wasn't really alright in the head.
"You do split plates, right?"
"Maybe..." The odd woman grabbed the eyelid of her lazy eye, lifting it up and then closing it to make it look like she was winking. "Wink!"
"Great! We'll all split a one-fourth of the number seven, plus a free salad dressing for the lady a small plate of ketchup for the boy, and a small plate of mustard for the teen," Stan told her, lifting his hat to her with an oddly pleasing smile.
Lazy Susan wrote it down, but Patrick raised his hand to signal her not to leave. "Whoa! Whoa! Stan, that's not even close to being a snack," he said to his great uncle. "We didn't get away from the Shack and all the expired food you have in it just to go starving."
"Yeah Grunkle Stan, I want pancakes," Mabel said, pulling Stan's left sleeve.
"With the fancy flour they use these days? What am I, made of money?" He threw his hands up, causing a piece of money to poke out of Stan's sleeve. "Tap tap." He Tapped it back into the sleeve with a finger.
"Well, I say you should try our new Manliness Punching Challenge," Lazy Susan told them, getting the four to look at her with curiosity. "We just started it today, and it's simple. Whoever could punch the other person the hardest wins their party free food."
"But what if the two people are in the same party," Patrick asked.
Lazy Susan was silent for a moment, before her smile dropped. "What?"
"I know! Why don't we do it, Patrick," Dipper asked. Patrick thought for a moment. Considering how easily he could beat his cousin, it would mean ordering faster.
"Sure." Patrick got out of the booth and Dipper followed him. This caught the attention of everyone in the diner, as they wanted to see who would win. But most of them were sure that the teenager was going to win, given his size and age.
The two stood facing each other, and Lazy Susan stood on the side as the referee. Dipper brought up his fists like he was a boxer, while Patrick was mostly indifferent. "Ready…" said the woman. "GO!"
Dipper punched Patrick in the leg, but failed to hurt him. It felt like being hit by a little toddler. It was Patrick turn and his punch was so hard that it made him fly back a few feet before landing on the ground with a thud. He laid on the ground with a moan of pain.
A few minutes later and the Pines family was eating happily. All except for Dipper, who hadn't even touched his plate and was only moping. Patrick saw this as he took a bite of his eggs and asked, "What's with you?"
"I just don't get it! How come I wasn't able to beat you in that manly…punchies challenge?" Dipper exclaimed, pointing at his cousin with a glare.
"Manly," Stan asked.
"beat," Mabel then asked.
"Him?" They both asked simultaneously, before suddenly bursting out into a laughing hysteria. Complete with throwing their heads back as they laughed, and Stan slammed his fist on the table, causing it to shake and Patrick to lift up his plate to make so the food doesn't fall off.
"He says he's... he says he..." The old con-artist couldn't finish his sentence and went back to laughing. "HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
"What," questioned Dipper, feeling very offended. "What's so funny?"
"You're kidding me right," Patrick asked.
"Oh, no offense Dipper, but you're never going to beat Patrick at punchies," Mabel said, trying to keep her laughter under control as she mocked her brother. "You're not exactly 'Manly Mannington.' Ha ha ha!"
"Hey, I am too "Manly... Manny" or whatever it is you said," responded Dipper, more offended than before. "And I could totally beat him at punchies!"
"Dude, you can't beat anybody at punchies," Patrick told his cousin with a slight frown.
"That's not true!"
"Yes, it is."
Flashback # 1: The first flashback is when Dipper and Mabel were playing punchies. Dipper looked confident that his sister wouldn't beat him, but that was proven wrong when the sister punched him in the stomach. This caused Dipper great pain as he held his stomach and fell to his knees.
Flashback # 2: The second flashback is when Dipper challenged Soos to punchies. Dipper again looked confident that the large man wouldn't really hurt him, but then Soos punched him so hard that he sent the boy flying and slamming into the wall.
Flashback # 3: Third and finally flashback is when Dipper challenged Wendy. Patrick and Mabel watched with anticipation as Dipper again looked confident. Wendy reeled her fist back and punched him.
A few minutes later, Patrick, Wendy, and Mabel were outside of the Mystery Shack while watching Dipper being put in an ambulance and then taken away to a hospital.
"We-oo! We-oo! We-oo!" Patrick finished the flashback by making ambulance sounds. Dipper was blushing in embarrassment, while Stan and Mabel were puffing their cheeks, trying not to let out their laugher. The teenager then mimicked a doctor's voice. "Quick, doctor, both of these butt cheeks are unrecognizable. If we want anyone to be able to recognize this as a butt in the future, then we're gonna have to do a complete butt transplant, stat!" That caused both Stan and Mabel burst out laughing.
"Come on!" Dipper exclaimed with a pink face of embarrassment. "There was only damage to the one cheek and you know it!"
Now Patrick laughed. "That's right! We used to call you the One-Cheek Wonder! Ha-ha-ha!"
"Look, face the music, kid," Stan said to Dipper. "You got no muscles, you smell like baby wipes, and let's not forget last Tuesday's... 'incident.'"
—(flashback)—
In the morning on Tuesday, Dipper was in the bathroom wearing only a towel and singing at the mirror with a comb as the microphone. The song was a Top 40 hit song called "Disco Girl" by an Icelandic pop group that called themselves BABBA.
"Disco girl...coming through...that girl is you..."
Stan suddenly walked in on him.
"DON'T COME IN! DON'T COME IN!"
—(flashback end)—
"You were listening to girly Icelandic pop sensation 'BABBA'," asked Mabel.
"No. Heh heh, I wasn't," Dipper said. "It's not important. Look, come on guys, I'm plenty masculine. You see this chest hair?" He then brought down his shirt to show his chest, thinking that he had chest hair to show his manliness. However, what it did show was his smooth skin that shined so brightly that it was enough to force Mabel, Stan, and Patrick to cover their eyes.
"Put it away, put it away!"
"So smooth! My eyes!"
"Dude! I can see spots when I close my eyes!"
"Aw man..." Dipper puts down his shirt as Mabel and Stan start laughing again. The young boy then moved over Patrick's legs to get out of the booth as quickly as he could, taking the teenager by surprise.
"Dipper, where are you going," Patrick asked.
"I need to get some chest hair and fast," he responded started running out the diner, but tripped over the head of a beaver that pocked it's head out of the floor. Dipper was quick to recover and stood up. "I'm fine! Heh heh! Everything's fine!" He then exited the diner."
Patrick stared at the open doorway and then sighed, wiped his mouth, and stood up. "I'll make sure nothing happens to him," he told Stan and Mabel and walked out of the diner.
"Yeesh! How am I related to that," asked Stan, referring to Dipper with his weakness and awkwardness.
"Come on, Grunkle Stan. I'm sure deep down you have a soft side too," Mabel said, patting his arm.
"Ha! Nothing in here but a cold, dark, empty soul," he replied, before Lazy Susan came back with another plate of eggs and bacon.
"Food!" She said.
"Thanks there, sugar pot," Stan said, before quickly trying to correct himself. "I-I mean, I mean uh honey wasp, kitten baby, b-baby cow."
"Ha ha! Silly!" Lazy Susan then walked away from their table. "Silly man..."
Mabel, however was confused by the unusual behavior Stan showed and looked at her Great Uncle for an explanation. "What was that about," she asked.
"Nothing," Stan answered quickly, as his face was dripping with sweat. "I don't wanna talk about it. Talk about what?" He looked down and rubbed the table. "Why is this table wet?"
"Wait just a second." Mabel interrupted him as her brain started piecing together the puzzle of why Stan was acting strange. "I think I have an idea happening here. You..."
"No!"
"And her…"
"Stop it!" But all of Stan's protests were in vain as Mabel let out a short scream. "Oh boy."
"You have a thing for Lazy Susan," Mabel exclaimed, shacking Stan by his right arm as he placed a hand on his forehead to mend his headache. "You do have a soft side!"
Stan stopped her from talking any more by putting his finger over her mouth "Keep it down, will ya?!" He told her, looked around to make sure that no one was listening to them. "Alright. I admit it, okay? It would be nice if she liked me. But I've been out of the game for so long I wouldn't know where to start. I mean, look at her." He gestures to Lazy Susan. "She's so classy."
"Spin, ya dumb pies, spin!" Lazy Susan yelled while banging her fist on the top of a spinning pie trolley—that wasn't spinning.
Mabel responded by grabbing Stan by the face and forcing him to look at her. "Grunkle Stan, you are a cranky, gross, weird old man," she told him with a look of determination as she brought his face close to her's. "But we will get Lazy Susan to like you because nothing is stronger than the power of—"
"Love," asked Stan, after Mabel pressed their cheeks together.
"Mabel," answered the girl, before picking up her salad dressing that was still brought to them, even after Patrick won the Manliness Punching Challenge. "To victory!" She then drank the dressing.
Meanwhile, Patrick was walking down the street looking for where Dipper went to. For someone who didn't have a lot of strength, the boy was surprisingly fast. While walking, Patrick wondered why Dipper was so upset about not being able to beat him at punchies. Was it because it was just another reminder of how weak he was? Was it because he wanted to be strong? For what he heard from his aunt and uncle, Dipper was always getting picked on and bully, with Mabel always coming to rescue him.
He was brought out of his thoughts and stopped when he saw something that would mentally scar him forever. Both Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland were running around with their shirts off and screaming in delight around a destroyed hydrant that spraying out water.
Looking away as quickly as he could and wished to never see something as disturbing as that today, Patrick approached a woman wearing a green scout uniform and brown hiking boots. "'Cuse me, ma'am," he said, getting her to look at him. "Have you seen a boy with a hat walking by?"
"Oh, yes," she said. "I asked him where I could find the mailman, but it seemed to upset him, and he ran off in that direction crying." The woman pointed down an alley that led into the woods.
"Thank you." Patrick nodded and starting walking towards the forest.
Traveling through the forest, Patrick looked all around for his cousin. Hoping that he could possibly find him before some dangerous wild animal gets him first. "Dipper!" He called to him once, pasting between two trees. "Dipper!" He called again, going over a fallen tree. Patrick then walked into a small opening and called out again. "Dipper—" The teenager stopped when he noticed something on the ground.
An awkward silence filled the air with not even birds chirping, as Patrick stared at Dipper who laying on his back while bench pressing a small branch. The boy on the ground stared back at his cousin with wide eyes, as he held up the branch. "…Hey"
"…Hey…" Patrick said with a raised eyebrow. "What are you doing?" Dipper tossed the branch aside and grabbed the edge of his shirt.
"Trying to give myself chest hair," the boy responded before looking into his shirt. "Nothing yet." He then fell backwards onto the ground. "How does it happen, Patrick? Is it physical, is it mental, what's the secret?"
"It's not that simple, Dipper," Patrick told him, sitting down on a stump. "It's all got to do with your body. You're only twelve and haven't even hit puberty."
"Yeah, but I just want to be more than…" he gestured to his body. "This. I want to get manlier quicker than I am now. I want to be more like you. Strong and not afraid of anything."
"Come on, that's not true," Patrick said, shaking his head. "There's many things I'm afraid of."
"Like what?" Dipper sat up and looked skeptically at Patrick, pulling out a bag of jerky from his jacket.
Patrick was silent for a moment. "I—"
He was suddenly interrupted when the ground began shaking very hard. The two then heard a large roar in the distant. Looking at where it came from, they saw various animals and birds flying or running in the opposite direction of the noise. All the creatures ran past them, before Manly Dan came their way. "For the love of all that's holy, run!" He yelled before running off.
Patrick then heard the sound of a tree falling and looked up. There was indeed a tree beginning to fall over. "Look out!" He grabbed his cousin in one arm and grabbed Dipper's hat that was on a stump. He then jumped out of the way before the tree could squish them.
As they were on the ground, another roar is heard, and both boys looked over the top of the fallen tree. Dipper grabbed his hat from Patrick and placed it back on his head. They looked up in fear as the shadow of a creature approached them. It's footsteps causing the ground to shake and rumble.
The creature was a very tall, muscular and hairy minotaur that was wearing a loincloth around his waist and a red yamaka on its head. It's beard in a pony tail, has side curls in its hair and a tattoo with the male gender sign on its left shoulder. Its chest and forearms were covered in thick mats of hair, in a way that could only be matched by Manly Dan.
The minotaur let out another loud roar, and Patrick and Dipper screamed in terror. But Dipper's was more of a high pitch. Realizing that it wasn't manly at all, the boy said, "Wait...sorry." He then tried to scream on a lower octave but ended up coughing.
Luckily for them the roar was just a yawn. The minotaur then reached into a large bush and pulled out a deer, before proceeding to scratch itself with the animal's antlers. When it was done, the beast threw the deer away.
When it hits the ground, deer got up and ran off.
The mythological monster then turned its head in the direction of Patrick and Dipper. The two tried to hide behind the log, but the minotaur knocked it away. With nothing to protect them, Patrick quickly stood up and brought out his crowbar. "Stay back! I'm warning you, man! I'm not afraid to use this to knock your head off!"
"Yeah, and you don't want to eat us! We haven't showered! In like a week! And, we're all elbows! Elbows, and gristle!"
"YOU...!" The minotaur roared, pointing a figure at Dipper, causing him to scream. "…Gonna finish that?"
Patrick and Dipper looked at one another, before the latter said to the minotaur, "No." He tossed the bag of jerky to the creature's hooves. It then crouched down and started eating the jerky off of the ground.
The two Pines boys looked at the being in disbelief. "I can't believe it," Patrick said, lowering his crowbar. "You're an actual minotaur."
"NO!" The minotaur creature yelled, pointing at Patrick, before raising its fist. "I'm a manotaur! Half man!" It punched the ground, causing Dipper's to bounce off it, and Patrick to try a keep balance. "Half...uh...half taur!" It punched the ground again, this time making the teenager fall over onto his butt.
"So, did we, like, summon you or—?" Dipper asked before being interrupted.
"The smell of jerky summoned me! JERKY!" The beast then punched a tree, breaking it down for almost no reason before smashing a rock against his head, breaking into a hundred pieces. "YEAH! Ha ha! Heh." It's testosterone-fueled moment came to a halt when it seemed to have noticed something and started sniffing the air. It looked at Dipper and Patrick, before getting it's face close to them and smelt the two. "The small one…I smell..." it stood up with the wind in its hair. "…emotional issues!"
"I have problems, Manotaur," Dipper told it. "Man-related problems."
The Manotaur sat down on the ground, making the two humans bounce, and patted it's leg for Dipper.
Resting his head on its leg, Dipper started explaining. "Well, my own uncle called me a wimp..."
"Uh-huh, uh-huh."
"And I kind of flunked this manliness punchies thing..."
"You're a twelve-year old kid, Dipper." Patrick pointed out to his with his legs and arms crossed. "Of course, you weren't going to beat me. Just accept it." He then stood up and dusted himself off, before walking away. "Now let's not waste the man-bull thing anymore and go back to the Shack."
However, this in turn gave Dipper an idea. "Hey, you know, you seem pretty manly. Maybe you could give me some pointers," he asked, causing Patrick to stop and look at him like he's crazy.
"What!?"
However, the manotaur stood up. "Very well," he said, before turning around and showing Dipper his back hair, which was covered in flies and smelt like a wet rug. "Climb atop my back hair, child!"
"Uh... okay," Dipper said, before climbing on.
"Wait, Dipper!" Patrick went over to the two and grabbed the manotaur's back hair. "What do you think you're—AH!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" The manotaur laughed when it suddenly started running through the forest with Dipper on his back and Patrick hanging on for dear life with only one hand. His body was dragged across the ground, getting the front of his body and face bruised and cut up. He grabbed onto the back hair with his other hand and started climbing upwards on the manotaur.
The manotaur jumped and crashed through a tree, almost causing Patrick to lose his grip, before landing and kept on running. While on his back, Dipper ended up getting hit in the face by first a branch, and then a nest full of baby birds. Pushing it off his face, he saw that the manotaur was running straight for a gorge with a mountain on the other side. "Dude, watch out!"
However, the beast didn't stop running and when he got to the edge of the gorge, he jumped over it. "YEAH!"
"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Dipper and Patrick screamed loudly in fear. However, it turned out to be okay when the manotaur made it over, crashing through the side of a mountain, which left a hole in the shape of his body in it.
Patrick groaned and fell off the manotaur's back, while Dipper uncovered his eyes and opened them. "Whoa…" he said in wonder by the sight he saw.
"What," asked Patrick as he rubbed the back of his head and sat up. When he saw what Dipper was looking at, even he was surprised. "Oh my…"
If there was any way to describe the cave they were in, it would be that it was like giant, rocky mancave filled with more manotaurs. The manotaur were either bodybuilding, playing games like darts and foosball, or wrestling.
"This place is amazing," exclaimed Dipper, after getting off the manotaur and Patrick joining him.
"The gnomes live in the trees, the merpeople live in the water, 'Cause they're losers!" The manotaur said in a wise way at first, before that last part which gave Patrick a bad feeling. "But we Manotaurs, crash in the MAN CAVE!" He walked up to a gong, before picking up a bone off the ground and hitting the instrument with it, getting the attention of all the other manotaurs. "BEASTS! I have brought you, a hairless child!"
He pushed the two Pines boys forward.
"…S'up," Dipper said.
"Hello," Patrick said.
The manotaur that brought them to the cave then started pointing to two manotaurs fighting. "This is, uh, Pubetor, Testosteror—" he then pointed to one that was smelling its armpit. "—Pituitor, and I'm Chutzpar. And you are?"
"My name's Dipper..."
"Hi, I'm Patrick."
However, the other manotaurs started booing at them.
"The...uh, Destructor?" Dipper added, before pointing to Patrick. "And the…ah, Punisher?"
Patrick looked at him with a 'really?' look, before then the manotaurs started nodding in agreement. "Yeah. Yeah, that's better."
Then Chutzpar banged the gong again. "Dipper the Destructor wants us to teach him the secrets to our manliness," he announced to his fellow creatures.
"I need your help!" Dipper begged, before pulling down his shirt to show his hairless chest. "Look at this, guys! Look at this!"
This got some of the manotaurs thinking, before one of them said, "I must confer with the High Council." The manotaurs turned around and huddled. They then started discussing among themselves. "So…teach him our man secrets or what?"
"He's a human; I don't like him," said one man-bull.
"I DON'T LIKE YOUR FACE!" yelled another one, before punching the previous manotaur. This caused all of them to start an all-out brawl. Patrick and Dipper watched the fighting with wide eyes.
Dipper then smiled. "I like these guys." Patrick looked at him like he was insane.
Meanwhile, back the Mystery Shack, Stan was sitting at the kitchen table shuffling cards. With nothing to do and the Shack closed for the day (Tyler was still in the gift shop), the old man had to do something to keep himself occupied. However, it looked like his peaceful afternoon was going to be cut short when Mabel walked to him with a camera hanging from her neck. "Okay, Grunkle Stan. Welcome to the first day of whatever is left of your life! First, a before picture," she said and took a picture of him, however the flash startled Stan enough to make him yelp and put up his hands.
The picture that came out made Stan look like something from a horror movie.
However, Mabel wasn't bothered by it. "I never miss a scrapbookertunity!" She said with a made-up word, before opening scrapbook that had the photos of the Twins and Patrick's summer together. "Deedly dum, memories." She turned to a blank page and slapped the picture on it. "Bleep. Let's start out with some roleplaying." Mabel then gestured to Wendy and Soos. The latter was wearing a costume to make himself look like Lazy Susan but didn't wear a wig to complete the image…to an extent. "Soos will play Lazy Susan."
"I'm soft, like a woman," Soos told Wendy.
"I don't even know why I'm here," Wendy said.
"Grunkle Stan, show me how you approach a woman," Mabel instructed the old man, so Stan did as he was told and walked over to Soos. "Remember this is a safe, non-judgmental environment. I'll just be right off the side judging you on a scale from one to ten."
Stan approached Soos while rubbing his right arm in uneasiness. Soos played his role by batting his eyes. After walking up to him, the old man spitted to the side and asked, "Can I borrow some money?"
Mabel ended the patience by blowing a whistle, with Wendy standing next to her. "This is gonna be harder than I thought," the sister twin said.
Wendy then looked around the room and then asked Mabel, "Say, where's Patrick and Dipper?"
"After a lot of punching," a manotaur told Dipper and Patrick back in the man cave, "we have decided to deny your request to learn our manly secrets."
"Denied!" yelled another manotaur, and then punched himself in the face.
"Denied," Dipper asked dolefully.
"Well, that's a shame," Patrick quickly said, wanting to get out of the cave that smelt like an unclean gym locker-room. He turned around and started walking away. "Come on, Dipper. Let's get out of here." However, his cousin wasn't going to give up that easily.
"Ok, fine. That's ok with me," he said to the manotaur, making Patrick look back at him. "Obviously you guys think it would be too hard to train me. Maybe, you're not man enough to try."
This immediately got the manotaurs mad, and Patrick to get scared for his cousin's safety. "Not MAN enough!?" roared one of the manotaur.
"Dipper…" Patrick said cautiously, running back over to the boy. "I think that's enough out of you…"
"Not MAN enough!?" repeated the same manotaur, stomping over to them furiously.
Patrick laughed nervously. "Heh heh. Okay, let's take a deep breath."
"I have three Y chromosomes, six adam's apples, pecs on my abs and FISTS FOR NIPPLES!" The beast flexed to show the nipple-fists he had.
"Okay, one: that is just disgusting on so many levels. Two: He didn't mean it. I swear."
"No, I meant it," Dipper said with a smug look.
"Heh ha! I really think you didn't." Patrick gave him a warning look.
"Seems to me you're too scared to teach me how to be a man. Hey, do you guys hear that? It sounds like.. Bock-bock. Bock. Oh, that's weird-Bocock, bocAW! Is that?-BACAWK! That sounds like-BACAW! Yeah, a bunch of chickens!"
The manotaurs gasped.
"Could you excuse us for a moment," Patrick said, before grabbing Dipper by the throat and picked him up. Then shook him while choking the boy out of anger. "Are you out of your MIND! These guys could rip us apart!"
"I-I-I…can't breathe." Dipper managed to say, so Patrick lets him go and the male twin fell on his butt. "I didn't have a choice. So, I'm tricking them into helping me become a man."
"After a second round of deliberation," said a manotaur, getting the two Pines attention, "we have decided to help you become a man!"
"Man! Man! Man!" chanted the other manotaurs.
"Great!" Dipper expressed his happiness and stepped forward. "Thanks guys, whatever it is, I will not let you down."
A moment later, and they were now all outside of the man cave.
"Being a man is about conquering your fears," Chutzpar said to Dipper.
"For your first man test," said a manotaur, who Patrick thought was called Testosteraur, "you must plunge your fist-INTO THE PAIN HOLE!" He pointed to a hole in the ground with a sign that had its name next to it.
The manotaurs winced, while Dipper looked unsure and Patrick looked confused. "Why do you call it the Pain Hole," the teenager asked.
Testosteraur demonstrated by putting his fist into the hole. When nothing happened, he started mocking it. "Pain hole, schmainhole-WAHHH! AHHH!" He started screaming in complete and total agony, as his body sweated, and he tried to keep it together slapping himself in the face. "AHH!" He couldn't take it anymore and pulled out of the hole. Testosteraur ran away, catering to hand.
"I don't think this is a good idea," Patrick told Dipper.
"You want Destructor to be a man, don't you," Chutzpar demanded.
"Man! Man! Man! Man!" The rest of the manotaurs chanted, while one of them grabbed another manotaur in a headlock and started punching him in the face. Patrick looked back down at Dipper. Dipper stared at his cousin for a moment, before frowning and going to the Pain Hole.
Kneeling down, he put his hand in the hole and…
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
Screamed like a girl.
Back at the Shack.
"Alright! Let's try to get that inner beauty on the outside," Mabel said, sitting at the table and Stan stood in front of her. "Smile harder."
Stan struggled to make an even unconvincing smile. It looked more like he was enraged.
Mabel stood up in her chair. "Harder!"
He still struggled to smile.
"Perfect," Mabel was happy with what she was able to get. "Soos!"
Upon hearing his name, Soos entered the room while eating a sandwich. "Sup, hambone," he said, before taking another bit of the sandwich.
"Wha'd'you think?" Mabel gestured to Stan. But when Soos saw the way Stan looked, the large man screamed, threw his sandwich in the air, and ran out of the shack, leaving the door swinging on its hinges. Mabel signed in frustration. "This is going to take some really great training music." She held up a CD label 'Training Mix' and puts it in a CD player.
She pressed play.
But we're going to use much better music.
(Play "Holding Out for a Hero" by Bonnie Tyler)
Dipper tied ropes around his body and shoulders, before starting to try a pull a wagon that a few of the manotaurs were in. While the manotaurs chanted and, Dipper fell down, and Patrick ran over to help him up. When he did, the manotaurs booed at him. Seeing this, Dipper pulled himself away from his cousin and continued to try and pull the cart.
Mabel and Wendy were now trying groom Stan. The redhead spread some green gel onto his face, and then Mabel put cucumber slices on his eyes. But then Stan quickly ate the slices.
Now in the bathroom, Mabel used a razor and shaved off some of Stan's chest-hair. Only for it to grow back instantly. Mabel glared at the man's chest and started to shave it furiously, only for the hair to grow back.
Chutzpar showed Dipper (shirtless) a human man with his shirt off, pointing to his chest-hair. The manotaur then took out some glue and spread it on the boy's chest, before taking some of his chest-hair and putting it on Dipper.
Mabel and Wendy cheered for Stan as he tried to balance some books that were placed on his head.
Dipper was now trying to walk on the heads of alligators. When one of them was about to bite at him, a rock was thrown at it hits it in the head. The person who did it turned out to be Patrick. The manotaurs booed at him, with even Dipper glaring at him before continuing his task.
Stan scratched his back, even though Mabel was holding up a sign that said, "Stop Scratching." So, she hits him with it, before showing him a sign that said, "Eye contact."
Dipper then tried to jump the gorge, only to fall, into it. However, Patrick quickly grabbed him before he was out of reach. The teenager pulled his cousin up and onto the ground, but then Dipper surprised him by yanking his arm out of his hold and walked away. The young boy then stopped a few meters away, before running towards the gorge again and then jumped. Dipper made it across and cheered out loud. While Patrick was glad he made it, he couldn't help but feel sad for how Dipper was acting toward him.
(End song)
The next day, the manotaurs and Dipper in some of the hot spring that were in the caves.
"Guys, I just wanna say that these last few hours have been...I-I feel like there's really been some growth," Dipper said.
"I have a growth!" said a manotaur named Clark, pointing to a large grown on the left side of his head.
"Clark, you are hilarious today!" Dipper chuckled, before Patrick came over and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"You and I need to talk," he told him.
"Hello, I'm in the middle—" Dipper wasn't able to finish when Patrick grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the hot spring. Luckily, he was wearing a towel around his waist. "HEY!"
"Not anymore!" Patrick pulled his cousin away from the manotaurs. "Because we're leaving!"
"What!?"
Chutzpar stood up in the hot spring. "If you leave, Destructor," he said with a stern voice, "you're training is forfeited, and you will not become a man!"
"Man! Man! Man!" chanted the other manotaurs.
Upon hearing this, Dipper quickly yanked his arm out of Patrick's grip. "No! I'm not going anywhere!" He exclaimed indignantly. "Especially since you've been holding me back!"
"Holding you back?!" Patrick exclaimed furiously.
"Yeah, the manotaurs told me that a real man doesn't need help," Dipper told him. "You've been trying to help me all day, when I have to learn to face those challenges on my own!"
Patrick sighed, irritated. "These guys are nothing but a bad influence, Dipper. All they're telling you to do are these dangerous and meaningless tasks and to be aggro all the time. You're just doing them all because you want to have a single piece of hair on your chest. Even if that happens, nothing is going to change."
Dipper narrowed his eyes. "So, you're saying that I never had a chance at being a man, huh? Is that it? Were you really not wanting me to become a man? Were you happy that you were the only manly one and that me trying to be a man threatens you? You said that you were scared of many things, and you know what…that makes you less of a man than me. It makes you weak!"
The manotaurs cheered for Dipper. That this point, Patrick heartbroken by Dipper's words. However, his saddened look turned to a glare. "Fine. If you want to be like these guys, and be a jerk, then I wouldn't stop you. See you around, One-Cheek Wonder," he said, adding in the insult, before turning around and storming away from his cousin, and out of the man cave.
For a moment, Dipper felt very guilt for how he treated him. In fact, he was grateful that Patrick was there to help him out, but the manotaurs were the ones who were training him to be a man. And that means they knew what was best for him. He felt a hand rest itself on his shoulder and looked to see it was Chutzpar. "You did the right thing," he said. "Now there's nothing to hold you back."
"I couldn't have done it without all of you," Dipper said happily. "It's just you guys took me under your wing and have just been so supportive."
Chutzpar made a hand gesture. "Oh, stop."
"No, you know what? You really have been. I think I feel like I'm finally becoming a man here."
The manotaur waved his hand. "Not yet, Destructor. One final task remains," Chutzpar told him. "The deadliest trial of all."
"I've survived forty-nine other trials," Dipper said with a raised fist, "Whatever it is, bring it on!" The manotaurs cheered for him.
Moments later, and the manotaurs were preparing Dipper for his final test. The man cave was now dark, with a few of the bull-men lighting torches. Standing On a platform in the middle of the room, Chutzpar was preparing the young boy for his test. Licking a lick 'n stick tattoo, the manotaur then applied it to Dipper's right arm. It reads "Rad Dude", while the other arm had a tattoo that said "Too Cool". Dipper stood up, his body covered in many other tattoos while wearing only a loincloth, wearing a face of determination. In front of him, a front row of manotaurs kneel before him. The row behind then takes out bones and started drumming on the others' head with them.
"Behold our leader, Leaderaur!" announced Churtzpar, gesturing towards a cave that had two guards standing in front of it. The two guards parted, and Dipper was a little surprised to see a small, old, smelly hunched manotaur walking out of the cave.
"Rum te tum tum..." the old manotaur hummed.
"Is he like the oldest, or wisest, or...?" Dipper asked.
The old manotaur raised a hand slowly. "Greetings, young—" The old one never finished, because suddenly a mouth came down out of nowhere and chopped down on him. The old manotaur screamed in agony, as blood gushed out of where the teeth of the jaws snuck into his body. The mouth then picked him up.
"Naw, he's just the offering," Chutzpar told Dipper, while the young boy was shocked and horrified by the death of the old manotaur. He then pointed upwards. "That is Leaderaur."
Dipper was astonished by the appearance of Leaderaur. Unlike the other manotaur, this one was gigantic! He towered over all of them with his extremely muscular body. His fur was black, with patches of grass on his shoulders and on his chest, which had a long red scar on it. His teeth were defined, and stuck out of his mouth, and he had dull long horns; one of which had a broken tip. His eyes were glowing red. Like the others, he wore a loincloth, but it was like it was made out of several regular-sized loincloths stitch together.
The giant manotaur chewed the offering, with the sickening sounds of bones breaking and fresh tearing, making Dipper's stomach turn as he cringed. Luckily it was over when Leaderaur swallowed his food and licked the blood off his lips. He then turned his body towards Dipper, his footstep caused the inside of the cave to rumble. "You - You wish to be a man," he asked the boy.
Dipper let out a small battle cry and banged his chest. Together, the manotaurs cheered for their student.
"Then for your final test: you must do heroic act, go to highest mountain…" Leaderaur paused for a moment and, with claws for his fingers, shoved his hand deep into his chest. He screamed in agony, while Dipper's face cringed. Leaderaur then pulled out a spear that was covered in his blood. "…bring back head of...the Multi-Bear!" Once finished, he tossed the spear at Dipper's feet.
The manotaurs gasped in shocked, but Dipper was 'more confused. "The Multi-Bear? Is that some sort of bear...?"
"He's our sworn enemy! Conquer him and your mansformation will be complete," Leaderaur told him.
"Conquer?" Dipper maybe young, but he knew that it meant one thing. He had to kill the Multi-Bear. It felt like something in his chest was tightening his heart, telling him that this was wrong. He was only twelve. What does he know about killing? "I don't know, man."
However, Chutzpar then noticed something. The loincloth Dipper wore didn't cover up his butt completely, with a bit of his scared butt cheek showing. "Destructor, is that a scar on your butt," he questioned, causing Dipper to quickly turn around and cover his butt. "Is that why Punisher called you 'One-Cheek Wonder'?"
"Oh no! Ha ha, no that's not why, I just got it in this crazy fight," he lied to cover up his embarrassing scar. "It was totally manly, by the way." However, it didn't seem to convince the manotaurs all too much. Some were even starting to question if Dipper was really going to be able to kill the Multi-Bear. Dipper had to figure out a way to divert from the subject and looked back at the spear. He walked up to it and stared down at it. He then glared at it. He's come this far and wasn't going home unit he proved to Patrick that he was capable of becoming a man.
Dipper picked up the spear and held it over his head. "I SHALL CONQUER THE MULTI-BEAR!"
The manotaurs cheered, and Leaderaur spouted fire from his nose.
A fire spark fell on Dipper's shoulder, which he quickly put out. "I'm okay!"
He then turned towards the exit of the cave and ran at full speed. Once he was out of the man cave, he jumped the gorge and ran into the forest. The clouds in the sky darkened as he trekked through the forest, jumping over fallen trees and cutting branches and vines that were in his way. He then jumped onto the trunk of a tree and began climbing upwards. Once he reached the top, he looked to the north and saw where his target was at: the highest mountain in Gravity Falls. Thundercloud floated around it, as lightning shot out. He stopped to take a break only once, drink handfuls of water from a stream. Next to him was a male deer. When they looked at each other, Dipper nodded at it and the buck nodded back. He was then able to reach the mountain. Using his spear, he jumped over separate edges and climbed the face of the rocky mountain until he finally reached his destination: The Multi-Bears cave.
"I'm coming for you, Multi-Bear."
Patrick was finally able to make it back to the Mystery Shack. Still upset with Dipper, he opened the door and walked in. In the living room, Mabel, Wendy, and Soos heard the door close and turned their heads towards him. While Wendy and Soos were able to see that something was making Patrick upset and sad, Mabel ignored it and ran to him. "Patrick! You're finally here!"
"Mabel, I'm not really in the mood," Patrick groaned, but Mabel just grabbed his hand and dragged him over to the living room.
"Come on!" Mabel exclaimed. When they reached the living room, she had him sit in the recliner, before getting onto one of the armrests. She then held a picture of Stan in front of his face, blocking Patrick's view. "This is how we started Grunkle Stan as," she said. "But after hard work and determination, he's become…" she lifted up the picture, and Patrick was surprised.
Stan looked worse than he did in the picture. He was a mess. His tank-top was stained. He had a slipper missing, and the bare foot had flies around it. He was hairier, and sweating. There was even a Q-tip sticking out of one of his ears.
Patrick stared at him with wide eyes, along with Wendy and Soos. Mabel most have seen it too, because she looked at Stan in disgust. "You wanted to make him look worse than he already did," asked Patrick.
"No! No, no, no!" Mabel shouted in frustration. "Is that throw up on your shirt?"
Stan glanced down at it. "I don't know how to answer that," he said. Mabel finally gave up, groaning and ripped the picture she had in two.
"Could someone tell me what's going on," Patrick asked.
"We were trying to make Stan look good, so he could ask Lazy Susan on a date," Mabel said.
The teen looked surprised at her. "Stan likes Lazy Susan?"
"Face it, Mabel. Your uncle's unfixable," Wendy told her. "Like that spitting pie thing in the diner."
However, this gave Mabel an idea. She jumped off the couch armrest. "Grunkle Stan, come with me!" She said, running to the door. But then she poked her head back into the room. "And leave your pants at home!"
"With pleasure!" Stan said, before walking to Mabel.
Patrick looked at the doorway before getting up out of the chair and walking out of the room to follow them. "Mabel, what are you doing?!"
Back with Dipper, the young boy was entering into the cave. Ready to kill the Multi-Bear so he could become a man.
The more he looked at it like that, the more he questioned if it sounded right.
However, he was cut from his thoughts when he stepped on something that snapped. Looking down, Dipper saw it was a bone he stepped on. One of many bones that littered the floor of the cave.
Dipper kneeled down and picked up one of the bones, staring at it intensely. "What is a Multi-bear," he asked, not noticing a strangely shaped object starting to move behind him. It was only when the thing started to growl beastly-like that he turned his head towards the sound. He gasped in shock upon seeing what was standing there. "Oh, that's a multi-bear."
The Multi-Bear was a large black bear with eight heads and twelve limbs. It had one main head, which was surrounded by four other heads on its neck region. There were three other heads, one on the creature's back attached to a partially formed separate body, and one in each of its two crotches. It had two sets of arms, and two sets of legs, as well as an additional, vestigial set of limbs on the partially formed body on its back. It was actually like looking at three sperate bears that were attached together.
Standing upright, the main head roared. Then many of the other bear heads started roaring too. The main head then surprised Dipper by speaking. "Bear heads, silence!" They stopped, but one head kept going. So, it hits the head on the snout a couple of times, until stopped roaring. "Child, why have you come here," it then asked Dipper.
Dipper got over his surprise and glared at the bear. "Multi-bear! I seek your head!" He proclaimed. "Or, one of them, anyway? There's like-what? Six heads?"
"This is foolish!" The Multi-Bear exclaimed. "Leave now! Or die!" But Dipper wasn't leaving. He pointed his spear at the Multi-Bear. "So be it!"
The heads of the bear started roaring. Its breath was strong enough to blow the bow away, and even force Dipper to resist its wind. When the Multi-Bear was done roaring, it charged at Dipper.
However, with his training to help him, Dipper avoided the attack by running up the wall. The Multi-Bear passed him, and the boy landed back on the ground. He saw the creature skid to a stop, before smacking a pile of bones at him. Dipper quickly ran to the left, avoiding the bones as they stabbed into the cave's wall, before ducking behind a large rock.
The Multi-Bear approached the rock. Dipper looked at his hand and saw that had a small cut. Luckily it wasn't bleeding, and he quickly focused on his fight. He jumped on top of the rock, and a one of the bear's heads lunged at him to take a bit out of the small boy. Dipper quickly jumped up and landed on the head, before running up the body of the creature, dodging one head and then another, until he got behind the main head.
Using his spear, he started to choke the main head. The Multi-Bear tried to fight back, but Dipper forced it to step backwards. Without air, the beast fell down on its side, causing a dust cloud.
When the dust settled, Dipper was standing on top of the Multi-Bear. He breathed heavily from all the fighting, and the Multi-Bear looked up at him. "A real man shows no mercy!" Dipper exclaimed, raising his spear to make kill.
Multi-Bear sighed in defeat. "Very well, warrior," he said. "But will you grant a magical beast one last request?"
Dipper lowered the spear as he looked a little confused. "Uh…Okay."
"I wish to die listening to my favorite song," Multi-Bear said, turning his main head towards a tape player that was set on top of a rock. While wondering why the bear would have the player, Dipper jumped off and walked to it. "The tape is already in there. You can just hit any—" Dipper pressed the button, and the song started playing. "Yeah, yeah, that's it."
However, when he heard the song that was playing, Dipper was shocked to hear it was "Disco Girl". He looked back at Multi-Bear and saw it nodding its head to the song. "You listen to Icelandic pop group BABBA," he asked the creature. "I-I love BABBA."
"I thought I was the only one," Multi-Bear said. "All the manotaurs made fun of me because I know all the words to the song "Disco Girl."
"Oh, you mean: Disco girl..." Dipper sang the first line of the song.
Multi-Bear followed up with the next lines. "Coming through..."
They both then sang. "That girl is you! Oo-oo o-oo!"
Dipper laughed for joy. "This is crazy! Finally, someone who-who understands—" he stopped when he looked down at Multi-Bear, who was staring at him. "uh... Oh yeah. I guess I'm supposed to kill you? Or I'll never be a man?"
"I accept my fate."
"No! ... Really?"
"It's for the best," said Multi-Bear.
Dipper scowled, before raising his spear and…
…stabbed it into the floor of the man cave.
"I'm not gonna do it," he said to Leaderaur, shocking the other manotaurs.
"You were told!" said Leaderaur, sitting on his throne as he glared angrily at Dipper. "The price of man is the multi-bear's head!"
But Dipper wasn't going to back down now. "Listen, Leaderaur, alright?" He turned around and started pointing out some of the other manotaurs sternly. "You too, Tesosteraur, Pubertaur, and... I don't know, whatever your name is. B-Beardy."
"It's Beardy," the last manotaur clarified.
"You keep telling me that being a man means doing all these tasks, and being aggro all the time, but I'm starting to think that stuff's malarkey," Dipper proclaimed.
The manotaurs gasped.
"You heard me, malarkey. So maybe I don't have muscles, or hair in certain places, and you know what?" Dipper turned around and lifted up the flap on his loincloth that covered his butt, showing them the scar on his one cheek. "The reason I'm called the 'One-Cheek Wonder' is because I got this scar after lost in a punchies game." He lets the flap go and looked at them again. "And sure, when a girly pop song comes on the radio, sometimes, I leave it on! 'Cause dang it, top 40 hits are in the top 40 for a reason! They're catchy!"
"Destructor…" Chutzpar said, and Dipper turned towards him. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that…" Dipper paused for a second, noting that he'll have to find his cousin and apologies to him when he's done. "Patrick was right about you guys all along," he said. "You're nothing but a bunch of jerks! And I was blind to not see it from the beginning."
Enrage, Leaderaur stood up from his throne and destroyed the spear with a backhanded fist. "KILL THE MULTI-BEAR OR NEVER BE A MAN!" He yelled into Dipper's face.
"…Then I guess I'll never be a man."
"Boooo! Weak!" Chutzpar said, before the other manotaurs joined in the booing. "Hey guys! Who wants to go build something and knock it down!" The manotaurs and Leaderaur cheered and ran out of the man cave, chanting "Man!" several times. Upset about what happened, Dipper kicked a rock away and started making his way out.
At Greasy's Diner, Lazy Susan was the only one in the shop and she was banging the top of the pie trolley. "SPIN! SPIN!" However, she stopped when she heard the door opening and the bell ringing. Looking, she saw Mabel leading Stan by the hand towards her, with Patrick walking behind them.
"Lazy Susan," Mabel said, as the family approached the woman. "Listen: I know he's not much to look at, but you're always fixing stuff in the diner, and if you like fixing stuff, nothing can use more fixing than my Grunkle Stan! Also, women live longer than men, so your dating pool is smaller, and you should really lower your standards."
"So, Lazy Susan, what do you say," Stan asked hopefully, as she climbed down her ladder.
Lazy Susan remained silent as she looked over Stan. She then left, making Stan depress. Patrick walked up to him and patted him on the back. "At least you tried," he said, before the three of them began walking away.
"Heeeeyyyy!" They turned around and saw that Lazy Susan had come back, holding a piece of paper with a phone number on it, as well as a pie in her other hand. "Here's my number. Why don't you give me a call sometime?"
Stan took the number and looked surprised at her. "Really?!"
"REALLY! HAHA. Also: here's some pie." She placed the plate of pie on a table for Stan. "On the house. For YOU!" Lazy Susan then left the three of them, which prompted Mabel squeal in joy.
"We did it!" She exclaimed, before they sat down at the booth table. "When are you gonna call? You wanna call now? I don't have a phone. Let's buy a phone! We can put it on a credit card. Let's get a credit card."
Stan wasn't really listen and was starting to eat his pie when he said, "Mabel! Let a man enjoy his pie, huh?"
Patrick laughed as he found how happy his cousin was enjoyable to see. However, looking through the window, he spotted Dipper walking down the street. He was putting back on his shirt and hat and was about to walk to the Mystery Shack in a miserable way when he stopped, having seen his older cousin staring at him. Patrick could see that something was bothering him and while he was still upset about earlier, he wanted to help Dipper. He nodded his to the right in a gesture to come inside. Dipper walked to the entrance.
When he heard the doorbell ring with the door opening, Patrick moved over in the booth to give him a place to sit. Dipper went over and sat next to him. Mabel and Stan watched as the two remained awkwardly silent.
"So, how'd it go," Patrick asked.
"Not so good," Dipper responded miserably. "Look, Patrick, you were right about those guys, and I never should have said all those things to you."
"You get into a fight or something," asked Stan.
"Yes," said Dipper. "It's just these half man half bull humanoids were hanging out with me. Trying to teach me how to be a man…"
"Here we go." Stan groaned.
"Why would you fight about that," Mabel asked.
"He's mad about losing at punches," Patrick told them.
"No! It wasn't just losing," Dipper denied, before looking down at the table. "It's everything." This surprised and confused Patrick. "Whenever I see you, I always feel like in your shadow, you know. You're strong, brave. I just…felt that I had to be better than what I am now to be like you."
"So that's why you wanted to train with the manotaurs," Patrick asked with a sad look, feeling like he's understanding his cousin a little better.
"Yeah. But then they wanted me to do this really tough, horrible thing, but it just wasn't right. So, I said no."
"You were your own man and you stood up for yourself," Stan said with a mouth full of pie. Dipper and Patrick looked at him, with the former confused. "Well, you did what was right, even when no one agreed with ya. Sounds pretty manly to me, but, what do I know?" This brought a smile to Dipper's face.
"Life sucks, Dipper," Patrick told him with a smile. "But someday, you'll become a man. It's going to take a while, but that's gives you more time to figure out the kind of man you want to be. But if you want some advice, then know that I'm only brave when I'm afraid."
"Thanks, Patrick," Dipper said.
"Wait a minute, do my eyes deceive me," asked Mabel, before crawling onto the table. She then pointed at Dipper's chest. "You have a chest hair!"
Dipper quickly pulled down his shirt and gasped when he saw a single hair on his chest. "You're right! I do!" Dipper exclaimed with joy. "Ha ha, this is amazing! I really do! Take that, punchies! Take that, Pituitor!"
"Pituitor," asked Stan.
"This guy has chest hair!" Dipper said, before Mabel used a pair of tweezers and pulled the hair out.
"Mabel!" Patrick glared at her.
"Scrapbook-ortunity!" She said, placing the hair into her scrapbook. Dipper looked at her in disbelief.
"Don't worry, kid, if you're anything like me, there's more where that came from," Stan said, before ripping open his shirt to show his very hairy chest.
"OH, GROSS!" Dipper yelled while laughing, trying to block his eyes from seeing the chest.
The whole family then started laughing. Then they stopped, Patrick said, "Seriously, that's disgusting."
That does it for the sixth chapter of "Weirder Things."
I'm sorry if I'm updating fast lately, I've been working. So, there's are going to be days that I'm not going to be in the mood to work on the next chapters of any of the stories. But I'm not abandoning anything.
The punchies of the chapter is a direct reference to Regular Show, one of my favorite shows of all time. With the flashback of Dipper losing in punchies and getting the scar on his butt taken directly from the episode "Death Punchies".
Also, if you're a fan of South Park and didn't catch the South Park reference in the last chapter, then I'll be very disappointed.
The next chapter is going to be "Double Dipper." But I'm not going to follow the events of that episode. After talking with a fellow Fanfiction author, I've decided to make it dramatically different from "Double Dipper". It's going to be a much darker and mature chapter than the actual episode. The reason for that is because it's going to be inspired by one of greatest sci-fi/horror movies of all time.
So, I'll like to say thank you, Chance Green G King for his help advice.
Also, I've just begun a new story called "Heroes of Tomorrow." It's a My Hero Academia/Marvel comics crossover, so if you're interested, please check it.
Also, I went back into the last chapter and added in a scene with Dipper, Mabel and Stan watching the "Duchess Approves". Check it out if you want.
That's it for today. Please Favorite and Follow the story if you're not and you like it. And to support the story, then please put a Review of your thoughts and opinions. Without Reviews, I wouldn't know if you actually enjoyed the chapter and know what you all want in the future of the story. If there's anything you wish to talk about, please feel free to PM me. Thank you for reading and have a wonderful day!