Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.
Chapter Six
"Dylan I wasn't expecting you to call me today is everything okay?" God I hoped my parents hadn't contacted him. Brandon told me it was tense at home, Brandon was angry that Dad would do that to Dylan and I, Mum worried that my father had lost his head in anger and thrown his morals away. I didn't want either of my parents contacting him in fear that they'd blame him for telling the truth and causing the family unrest.
"Yeah it's not your parents. My lawyer still haven't heard from your Dad from the follow up documents he sent indicating where the deposits need to be made. Let's hope that it closes easily and then we can begin to figure out how to repair the rest of it."
"And if we can't?"
"Well I know we discussed keeping it low key until we graduate and then moving away, I know we both hated the idea but would suffer through it if it meant that we could be together even just in school hours but after my dinner with Mum I don't think that will work. I don't think it's healthy for either of us."
I launched into the story. Bren cried for Iris, for Jack and she was almost inconsolable for me. She had never understood how the Iris she knew, the Iris who desperately wanted her son in her life was the same Iris I told her about from my childhood who would ever abandon me. It all made sense now and it left both of us understanding that my life wasn't supposed to have been like this. To lighten the mood I asked if she can imagine a Dylan who would have been raised by disgustingly in love parents and who had a bunch of siblings.
"Well I think you would have immediately changed your answer to brunette at your locker, I think you would have known straightaway what had happened between us what that look meant from repeatedly seeing it from your parents. I imagine I'd have been courted-"
"You were courted-"
"Really baby is throwing pots and standing a girl up courting in your mind?"
"Hey I spent time getting to know you first, as a friend I took you to get your hair done and then I took you out on a date with a chaperone-"
"That wasn't a date that was you naked in my room asking if I liked video tape and then letting me tag along on guy's night. You even flirted with whatever her name was after we got popcorn."
"Hey that was me flirting with you, I was trying to show you I was desirable-"
"Baby I have eyes I know you are desirable, believe me I have replayed me jumping into that shower a couple of times because you were so desirable."
"Well I know what I will be imagining tonight. Thank you for that, when you get home maybe you can show me how your fantasy plays out then I can show you mine."
She giggles, "of course though I guess it depends on if Iris has lifted her ban."
I groan, "you can ask on that one. I have no desire to ask my mothers permission to do something that is completely our business."
"Scaredy-cat, you just don't want to have the awkward conversation, but yeah I can do it you've been carrying the bulk of our… well my clean up-"
"Hey I'm the one who was pushing you to stand up to Jim, you weren't alone in this. It's our mess, and by our I mean your parents as well. Your Mum rather than writing me a letter to be mature could have stood up to your Dad instead. The four of us hold the blame, not you alone."
"Thank you for saying that I guess with how big it's blown up I'm feeling bad for lighting the match."
"Bren I think your Dad would have found something else. Us getting closer seems to be the biggest issue and I'm not able to give you up."
"Either am I." She pauses and has her understanding coaxing tone when she speaks again. "Now tell me how do you feel? Are you okay after everything you found out tonight?"
"I was wanted, it's so strange to know that. You were the first person I ever felt wanted by, wanted for me not because of the advantages I had. My parents though… Iris and Jack wanted me. I was planned and loved. They were excited to have me. I know what happened was no one's fault but that news means so much to me, it means so much having felt so rejected by both of them all my life. Dad tried but well… I imagine if I lost you like that; I know I wouldn't be capable of much. I know you rejecting me again losing hold of our connection, I'd be a different person, I'd be cruel, I'd be cold, I'd be angry." I pause and then speak again, "Baby I don't want to hide us for a year. I don't want anything to ever taint us like it did them-"
"We won't let it but Dylan we've discussed it, if my parents can't get past this then us treading softly would be best."
"No I don't think it is anymore."
"Dylan what are you saying?"
"Eighteen. I'll keep us discreet until you are eighteen."
"And then what?" I could hear her nervousness in her tone.
"From that point I'm no longer willing to hide us just to keep your dad happy. He'll just have to accept us."
"Dylan I might be a legal adult by then but even if I insist of leaving the house my parents will still have leverage over me, besides just family guilt there is the financial control they could use... I mean I guess I can look at getting scholarships and maybe student loans for college, and maybe a job during senior year if they refuse me everything." She sighs, "if you really want to go this route, and I get it- us sneaking around caused problems for us, I just need to figure it out. You're not the only one Dad uses the power of money as a way to incentives or con-"
"When I say I'm serious about us I'm all in Bren. Whatever the blow back financially I'll take care of it, I'd cover everything-"
"What? Dylan I am processing out loud-"
"I'm glad you are that's what neither of us did these last few months. And you are right he could use your College future to get you to follow his rules. I'll cover it all, the sooner he has no leverage over us the better- he might just have to accept us then."
"Dylan I don't want to be a kept woman I don't want to take advantage-"
"Baby you wouldn't. Look if we were just a high school romance I wouldn't be thinking this way but we are going to get married one day have kids, grandchildren. That money will be as much mine as it is yours, I'm just moving up the sharing of it. I love you I want us together. I'm not risking us over some belief that we need to follow stupid society custom's. I'm not saying we are going to rush everything at eighteen I just don't want to have you only for a few hours a day, and it won't be long till we graduate and well neither of us seem like dorm people, and I want you with me every night- it's what started this. Us going away to college was discussed but I assumed that means we will be living together sharing everything."
"Dylan I annoyed you so much living with you-"
"You annoyed me because you weren't talking to me and were depressively cleaning like crazy. Focusing on fixing the problems you could which seems to be mainly the ones solved with a vacuum cleaner. I hated that you didn't want me to comfort you, I hated not being able to hold you and make you feel safe when I know you were tossing and turning in our bed. Look I imagine us living together properly will have some teething issues, I'm sure we will both find things that annoy us about the other but it's not like we have another option-"
"Is that right Mr McKay?"
"Yeah I mean once you are over stealing the easy stuff like my t-shirts and move onto my name I'll legally be stuck with you for life."
"You are so romantic."
"Baby…" my tone shifts gone is my teasing. "You know I'm looking forward to not having to share you in person. I like it just us, I've liked having our private conversations."
"Yeah I've like it too."
"I feel closer to you and the intensity seems more balanced like I'm not fighting for your attention or frustrated that I don't get enough time. It's no longer stealing moments at your locker or driving you home or washing dishes, it's time for us to properly talk and not forced to be distracted by other things. Though I'd prefer our time not be just by phone-"
"We are over halfway that was-"
"Yesterday. If you don't think I'm counting down you are crazy. God I miss your lips, your smell, your arms, your bod-"
"Stop this will turn into a very different conversation if you don't and I'm in the lobby." I chuckle and then nervousness rises up she hasn't agreed.
"So eighteen?"
"Eighteen."
Her letter arrived two day's later and it was just as hard as I thought it would be, maybe even more so now that I understood my parents and how losing the other made them into people I have hated. Losing her was not an option, I can only imagine the destruction I'd wreck on both my life and others. The poor women who I'd use to try and replace her, try and capture even a fraction of what we have and who would continue to fall short. I'd seen that all my life with my father's female companions never lasting more than eight weeks. He'd pretend to be happy, to laugh and think a future could be possible but the fighting would begin almost immediately- his emotional distance and lack of communication, and their inability to be interesting beyond the bedroom quickly fizzled out any romance.
Bren wrote of her fear back then of potentially losing literally a part of herself. How she feared that it would be too much for me, that I'd see her as unappealing. How my initial hesitancy had made her think her fears would come true. How she regrets walking away after I told her I loved her, how that was supposed to be an important moment in our relationship and how her fear ruined it. She wrote about her gratitude to Kelly for guiding them through the test, how she may not have ever checked until she was Shelia's age otherwise. That while it was traumatic to go through it, she feels more prepared now that she has had that experience, that she won't ever take her health for granted again.
I had been prepared about what I wanted to write back and spent the morning putting my emotions on paper. I took my mother's advice, an advice gained through examining her own trials her own health issues, a knowledge learned in hindsight. My fears for the future were acknowledged, I would never lie to her but they had been put in context. If we ever went through this again her fear would dominate and I'd be her rock, the same as I know she'd do for me. I promised to hold her up through anything if she needed to fall apart, I promised to never be hesitant again. That unlike last time I'd trust that my support was wanted, that my touch was wanted, and that I had a right to be included. I knew now what my place was in her life.
After sending the letter by express post I went for a walk on the beach. Iris had left this morning for an overnight silent meditation retreat, she wanted quiet to write her letter to Jack. I was grateful that she was brave enough to do it, I hoped he'd be brave enough to read it and reach out. I didn't hope for reconciliation, well not seriously but I hoped they could be friends again. Mum had shared a little more of their story and they had been both desperately in love but also best friends- I knew that feeling well.
As I walked lost in my thoughts I was interrupted by Kelly. We'd spent a little time together this summer but I knew she was lonely and I knew I had been distracted each time we had seen each other. Brenda's words of thanks for her blonde best friend making me feel even guiltier that I hadn't been a little more present for her. I imagine she was missing my girl as well, and still learning to adjust to her new family life. We chatted about the girls in Paris for a bit, about the rest of the gang, Brandon's new girl of the week. She didn't know what was going on with the Walsh's but she thought he must really like this one as he was always here. I didn't share it was because he didn't want to be home. He'd been even willing to hide out at my house for a couple of nights trying my mother's eclectic spicy cuisine.
When we begin discussing Erin she glows and I can see why she stayed home from Paris. Making a baby feel wanted was so important and clearly Kelly wanted her little sister. Mel and Jackie were going to try for another date that night as the last was interrupted by Jackie's impulsive need to check on Erin, Kelly was babysitting again. Having nothing to do and feeling bad that she'd been by herself for most of the last few weeks I offered to babysit with her. I'd bring movies if she liked and we could order pizza or something. She jumped on the chance making me feel worse that I'd been a lousy friend, well not lousy in my usual standards we weren't exactly close but she supported Bren and I, and in my girls absence the least I could do was make sure her best friend was okay. They were pretty close and I suspected that Kelly would be a part of our lives forever- Aunt Kelly to our kids.