Chapter 1: It Wasn't Me, I Swear!

Well, I did it. Whoopty-do-da-fucking-day! After being stuck in the ass end of the Mojave… or close to it… or wherever the hell Big Empty is for two damn months doing the Think Tank's dirty work for them I finally managed to kill those psychotic headcases. The thing is that even though those abominations had it coming for a long time... I still feel like the bad guy for doing what had to be done.

Klein? Fuck that guy. I was happy to put an anti-material round through his monitor. Fuck him, his obsession with finger dicks, and the SCIENCE! boner he had going on. That is the only one I will not be missing.

Borous, Boros, whatever he called himself, even though he was one sadistic mother fucker with no empathy or moral compass I saw a lot of myself in him. I am not at all saying that I would mutilate and resurrect my dog as some sort of giant cyborg zombie or even think about making an abomination on par with a Cazador, but the last time I talked to him he recognized his mistakes for what they were. Mistakes. I had to do my best to not tear up when I gave him Gabe's food bowl after learning how much he meant to the old coot, and I'm pretty sure he went back to his room to cry after we parted ways that day.

Dala… my little teddy bear. She was a massive pervert, a woman after my own heart if I do say so myself. She still had enough of her wits about her to still be of some use and aside from having some pent up feelings after being surrounded by her male colleagues for over 200 years and having nothing to do with them other than work, that was probably why she went a little crazy. The worst thing about her was that she was a peeping tom. I mean sure, she was still verbally sucking off Klein every time he asked the Think Tank to stroke his ego but she was also the one who pointed me to Higgs Village and a few other tools that I would have died without. The act of her shooting me in the face hurt more than the plasma defender itself.

The last two were the ones that hurt me the most, 8 and O... I mean, 0. Dr. 0 was a really nice guy once you got past his crippling ineptitude and lack of a spine. The idiot was more of a threat to himself and I tried to let him live, really I did, but the stupid son of a bitch just had to try and play the hero after I finished mopping the floor with his friends. And 8, I am never going to forget that crazy son of a bitch. Sure, he really needed to reel in the sonojaculation or at least only do it in private, but aside from that he was a real standup guy. Hell, the only things bad about him was that he made Dala look only a little kinky and his voice sensor was fucked beyond repair, but dammit all he was still my friend. Getting shot in the back by those two when I tried to let them go… why couldn't things have gone differently?

I knew they couldn't just let me walk away after blowing their friends to pieces. Just because I knew it was going to happen didn't make it any less painful. It didn't make killing them any easier either.

Finally, there was Mobius. Goddammit, why did you have to leave me for that giant lab in the sky?

Hoo… focus Courier, don't cry yet. Save the waterworks for when the hangover hits so you feel like total shit for a few hours instead of mostly shit for a whole day. Where to begin with that senile geezer? Might as well start from the beginning then.

The first time I apparently saw him was on the Mojave Drive-in, apparently that eye on the projector screen was him trying to send out a warning and scare off people who put curiosity before reason like myself. Next time I saw him was when he went on that bit with the Think Tank right after I finished meeting with them. I never bought his evil scientist schtick for a minute, the Think Tank were evil because they were psychotic and incompetent. Mobius was incompetent at appearing psychotic and evil, and I had done enough chems to know a Psycho high when I see it. The man was just high as a kite rather than evil and the only thing he did that could really be considered bad was trying to kill me because I was the unwitting middleman in the Think Tank's attempt to escape their cage. If I were in Mobius' position, I would've had a whole robo-scorpion army waiting outside The Sink at all hours instead of only sending a few out at a time after the Think Tank made some progress. Definitely would've sent the giant one out right off the bat too if I could've fixed its power issues.

That man was the real hero, fighting back against the Think Tank's crazy experiments for over 200 years while also fighting off his own insanity. What would I have done to have given him some Med-X or Battle Brew as some well earned congratulations. It's a damn shame that I got the friendly old man killed after he gave me some Mentats. Left the door to his lab right open and a robo-scorpion just… just sneaked in behind me and blew a hole in his brain case! There wasn't a single thing I could do for the doctor as he bled out except just hold his feelers and not let him die alone. Second time I had to do that to someone I loved, and it hurt just as much now as it did the first time.

But now is not the time to feel sad for myself. I could cry later but now…

"Cheers! So long Old World Blues and goodbye Think Tank!" I shouted as I raised a fresh bottle of '64 Atomic Claret that the Central Intelligence Unit had been saving ever since I retrieved the last Sink personality for this very moment. Tasted like watered down piss but hey, alcohol is alcohol no matter how frilly of a bottle it comes in.

What moment am I talking about you may ask? Why it's the surprise party that all of the personalities had been planning for weeks for killing the Think Tank like I promised to the first day I woke up. Yeah… I really regret making that promise now that it's come to bite me in the ass so spectacularly. Even though I could get them to shut up and call it a night as I had been planning to earlier, I just didn't have the heart to do it. I had a choice between rubbing salt in a fresh wound or shooting a whole pack of coyote pups in between the eyes so to say and well... let's just say that at least the salt comes with a complimentary drink and leave it at that.

"Finally, that ASSHOLE Dr. 0 is dead. Serves him right for making me just to suffer." Muggy said. His bipolar mood swings would always hit hard mentioning one of the few people I trusted during the two months I stayed here in my own little slice of hell. I always felt bad for the poor guy, knowing what his purpose was and being unable to fulfill it. Hearing the absolute joy in his voice whenever I brought him some silverware or coffee mugs was worth limping back and forth between Higgs Village and The Sink, just like it was now that I was able to keep my mouth shut and not speak my mind to him. Poor thing deserved to have a win after being a born loser until today.

"It's so nice to be rid of those communist doctors. Knowledge is the root of all evil and killing them was what a real patriot would have done. It's nice to know that at least some people are still willing to do the right thing." The Book Chute said. The little bastard had to have been one of Borous'... Boros… the Frankenstein wannabe's addition to my living quarters. Only commie obsessed person I had ever met, aside from No-Bark Noonan, was that guy.

The only reason I hadn't unplugged his personality to silence his obnoxious rants was because he was perhaps one of the most useful utilities in terms of rebuilding the wasteland. Sure he downed books faster than a Fiend could overdose on chems, but once you got on his good side he was always more than happy to print out a copy of "seditious literature" as an example of what other books should be brought to him. Thanks to him having the same amount of foresight as his creator, it was easy to bring him a few books that were damaged beyond any use and turn whatever he spat back out to recreate some texts that should have been lost forever thanks to the Great War. If I ever manage to get a signal out to ED-E or get the Central Intelligence to organize a few caravans to this place, I can easily make a fortune selling copies of these books and help the world in the process. Rebuilding humanity and making myself rich, what's not to love about that?

"Oh don't be so focused on work, baby. Why don't you send me some of that mulch of yours one of these days so the next time I get a hot load shot into me it will take a whole lot easier." Oh yeah, that's the Biological Research Station… another personality that I have considered unplugging and accidentally dropping over The Sink balcony. Followed by another couple of grenades, incendiary bombs, and every single mini nuke I own for good measure. Completely on accident, of course.

The less said about that horny bastard, the better. I want to say that it is one of Dala's or 8's… but that is only because I refuse to believe Dr. "However The Fuck You Spell" Boros would ever even consider something as disgusting as that. The very idea that someone who's main field of study was biology and crossbreeding was also that kinky is just something that I don't want to even consider… and would actually explain quite a bit now that I really think about it. How did he even make Nightstalkers anyways? Please tell me that he didn't make a mommy snake and daddy coyote…

No. Just… no. I am not doing this today.

"Say, you still sure you're okay there buckaroo? You looked a little wobbly after taking the elevator up here. I might be able to take a look at you if you'd like me to." The Auto-Doc asked me. I never could let a hangnail go unnoticed or untreated when I was around him. The old man… old machine really, he always was looking out for me. Even when he removed my squishy bits he only had the best of intentions and for that I could only thank him. Not ending up as a Lobotomite or getting carved up worse than Christine was also a plus.

Still, just because he thought there was something wrong with me didn't mean there was anything to look at, and even if he was built to be nothing but helpful sometimes there were things even doctors couldn't fix. So I told him exactly what I thought of his diagnosis. "I'm fine Doc, just feeling a bit tired now that everything is said and done."

"If you insist, just remember that my treatments are for both the body and the mind." He said. Doc is way too good at his job, I swear. If only he was as good in psychiatry as he was in fixing crippled limbs, I could probably have found him more useful than a bottomless stimpak.

"That may be true, but don't forget that a man's soul is just as important as his other parts." Called out Blind Diode Jefferson. That man right there is the personality with the most… uhm, personality I guess. I would have never made it out of here without him and his upgrades to my sonic emitter, just as he would have never gotten his personality chip reinserted after his last little conversation with a couple of lovely ladies that I shared The Sink with.

"Jeffy is right Doc, just let our big, strong hero have his moment in the sunlight before we get back to work. We agreed that we wouldn't be doing this today, remember?" One of the Lights purred in response. I don't know how he did it or who was the one that decided to make the light switches sound… sexy, and damn does putting those words together make me want to take Doc's offer here and now, or which one was which. Thankfully I could always count on Jefferson to help me out with telling who was who.

"Thank you for agreeing with me... #1?" Jefferson asked.

And with that, I now know it was Light Switch #2 that agreed with him. The Old Man in the radio was never good at telling the two apart, in fact I don't think I had ever heard him call them the right name yet. Still, at least he was consistently getting their names wrong. That at least had to count for something, right?

As much as I thought so, Light Switch #1, the real #1 made her own thoughts on the matter known. "Excuse me? Did you really think I was that slutty tramp in the other room?" She shouted.

"Will you two shut u- I mean, keep it down? I'd rather not have this little party of yours turn into another argument between you two ladies again." I groaned from behind my mask. Goddammit, I don't have enough alcohol in me to deal with this shit. Can I just go one day without the two of you at each other's outlets for one night? Fuckin' hell… don't kick the coyote pups Courier, don't kick 'em no matter how much they are howling for it.

"Oh don't even get started with me, mister…" #1 spat back at me.

This fucking bitch, I swear.

"Don't be expecting me to bail you out this time sweetie, you have been messing up our names longer than Jeffy has." #2 said. Well fuck you too, toots!

"Sir is right. Today is a day for celebration, not for arguing amongst each other like common riff raff. I implore that you two clean up your act and enjoy the festivities that we have been planning for weeks." The CIU chimed in. Finally, jeeves has got his motherboard on straight this time. "And sir… I know today is your day, but when I said that you are free to drink the whole bottle I do not recommend drinking from the bottle."

"It's so unsanitary…" The Sink, The Sink's Sink personality, chimed in. Who the hell thought up that name? Probably Klein or 0. A decision that stupid had to from one of those two.

Just when I start giving you credit CIU, you do some stupid shit like that? Not only that but your little side piece is on my ass too? Maybe I should have unplugged your personalities after all...

"Not to mention what a whole bottle would do to your heart… if you were still using your real one." Doc added to the long list of complaints the personalities were throwing my way.

"But what about your soul man? Those chems you've been taking will tear your very being to pieces." Old Man Jefferson said.

"Communism can kill you just as easily too. Don't think I haven't been seeing you reading all of those magazines in your room these past few days." Book Chute chastised.

Motherfuckers. Leave it to me and my luckless hide to have a surprise party for saving the goddamn Mojave from a threat they never even knew existed turn into a fucking intervention all in the course of a minute. 'Luck is a dump stat' MY ASS!

"Are we really doing this now?" I groaned before chugging the rest of the ritzy wine the CIU gave me. I don't really know what snobby words he was using afterwards and I really didn't care, but I can tell a pissed off voice when I hear it no matter what accent was attached to it.

"I guess we are, boss. Hey while we are getting all of these things off of our chests, I just wanted you to know…"

Oh fuck me, not you too Muggy. Why do all of my friends have on switches and hate me more when I turn them on than when I turn them off?

"...I really wish you came here more often. I get so lonely without anyone to serve."

Oh… that wasn't nearly as bad as what I was expecting from you, short round.

"AND WILL YOU PLEASE STOP LEAVING BLOOD SOAKED FOOTPRINTS ALL OVER THE PLACE AFTER GOING ON ANOTHER KILLING SPREE YOU PSYCHOTIC MURDER HOBO! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT TAKES TO GET THIS PLACE CLEAN AFTER YOU LEAVE?!"

You know, there are moments like these where I like to just sing to myself. Really helps calm me down when everything is going to hell in a handbasket. Can't sing too loud though, don't want people to think I am crazy. People will think you are crazy if you start talking to yourself out loud. That's why you need to talk to the voices in your head by thinking. No-Bark Noonan taught me that old trick. And a one and a two, a one, two, three, four...

How lucky can one guy be? I help them and they hate me. Like a gambler once said, ain't that a kick in the diiii~iiick…

"Finally, somebody else knows my pain!" The Sink shouted. The melodrama that was pouring out of her faucet so thick that I would've been weighed down thirty pounds if I tried bottling it all.

My room is filled with some quacks. I swear man, they are all hacks. Like a soldier said oh, it's worse than a nuclear snow…

To make matters worse, my fucking brain decided now was a great time to start tearing into me again. "They're right you know. You really ought to take better care of yourself." Great, I'm not even on my side. I mean… the other part of me… that's not me…

Ugh… Dr Courier needs more vodka… beer… ANYTHING WITH ALCOHOL IN IT TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT!

My brain keeps bitching, I go to sleep and keep wishing, If this is just the beginning, I'd rather be torn apart by an Allllllllllll~pha Deathclaw…

"Maybe we should cut off your access to chems after this party" The CIU said to a chorus of agreement from the appliances, no, people around me.

I've got more troubles ahead. I think I would rather be dead. Oh please kill me quick, all it takes is a boot to the head...

"Hey, think you might be able to cut off my patient's Sunset Sarsaparilla supply while you are at it? That stuff rots your teeth like there is no tomorrow. His won't be seeing too many more of those at the rate he goes through the stuff."

Like a gambler once said, ain't that a kick in the diiii~iiick…

"Can I PLEASE… please have just a few hours to forget about everything that happened today before we keep on going on about this shit?" I asked, doing my best to keep my temper in check and not using The Voice after it started coming out of me again. I knew that they wouldn't listen to me no matter how nicely I asked, but at least I put in the effort this time before doing anything we all regret.

"Baby, we are doing this here and now. You might be the coldest cat I ever met and believe me when I say that you definitely need all the help you can get." Said one of the Light Switches. Didn't know which, didn't care which. Just really wanted to be anywhere but here right now.

Like a gambler said quote, ain't this a bad stroke of luuuuuu~uuck. My brain keeps bitching. I go to sleep and keep wishing. If this is just the beginning, why couldn't he have killed me back in Goooo~oodsprings…

"Maybe once you clean yourself up, your companions back in the Mojave might come back to your sorry ass if they haven't already given up on you." My brain piped in. Always there to kick me when I'm down...

I've got more worries than most. How is it that I am not toast? Oh Benny you prick, why didn't you kill me you diiii~iiick…

"I don't think sir will be making it back anytime soon though. Not until he manages to repair the Transportalponder since the Think Tank never did manage to finish it." The CUI said. Great, now I'm trapped in my own personal hell with you lot. Fan-FUCKING-tastic.

Tell me quick, ain't my life a kick?

Tell me quick, ain't life a kiiiiick in the diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!

Thank you, thank you. I love your nonexistent applause. I'll be making an appearance back on stage at The Aces as soon as they unban me or I find a reason to kill Tommy Torini so be sure to catch some more of me then and there.

"Maybe once you get clean yourself up the little lady you've had a 'thing' with from that Brotherhood you've been talking about might take you back and let you seed her like you seed me."

"WHO FUCKING SAID THAT?!" I shouted. There are things you can and cannot say and that right there is way up on the list things I will feel no remorse killing for.

"Oh no, he's using The Voice again." One of the slut switches said, I don't really know who and I don't really give a shit which one it was after someone ruined my fucking night with that little comment of theirs.

"And he made such a mess! It's going to take hours to clean up that drink he threw at the wall!" Muggy said. Motherfucker was lucky I already had a target on the top of my shit list or else he would be flying off the balcony real soon along with that mouth of his.

"I thought we agreed to never bring that up again after what happened to Toaster, Biologics." The snobby CI… CI... CI "OOH" said. Thank you oh so very much for giving me a name to work with you glorified user's manual.

Not a single appliance dared to say a thing as I stood up from my chair in the main room, or when I went back to my bedroom to grab Dinner Bell from the storage chest I had been keeping it in. They all knew better than to talk back to me unless they wanted to be the next appliance to be voted off of the balcony. Damn straight too, because I would have booted them off with glee after all that talk from earlier. I don't know how I would ever manage to find a way to do that with CI "OOH" but hey, where there's a will there's a way. I've got a lot of mini nukes and a lot of patience, I'm sure I'd be able to figure something out even if I had to collapse the whole damn tower to do it. And they all know I would not hesitate to do so if I had a good enough reason behind doing it either.

I did not say a single word as I made my way back to the main room before entering the indoor garden. I locked the door and The Sink's Sink tried to say something to me but a shotgun raised in her direction was all it took to shut her up. After the only one brave enough to speak up against me was silenced, I locked the door so me and the soon to be dead machine could have a little chat.

"What would you like me to write on your tombstone, seed bitch?" I asked him as I started to load my empty weapon in front of him. I took my sweet ass time doing so, because even though it didn't really have 'eyes' like most of the appliances here it did have some audio sensors. I wanted him to know exactly how badly he fucked up before anyone got shot. If I was going to kill him then I was going to damn well make sure that he knew why I was doing it.

"I-is that-t an-nother seed p-p-p-packet or are you j-ust happy to s-see… me?" The kinky asshat stuttered. Even when looking with Lord Death down on him from on top of Murder Mountain he was still trying to play games with me.

"Cut the shit. Unless you want to see if you can process hot, steamy lead in addition to all of your other things I filled you with then you better have a damn good reason why I shouldn't shoot you to hell and back." I growled as I put that perverted bastard down range of my shotgun.

"Uhh… you'll starve?"

…

Fuck. That's a pretty damn good reason, especially if the CIU actually cut off my chems and sugar supply like they were talking about earlier. Moonshine doesn't have the same kick as vodka, but some wasteland tequila would certainly do the trick. I'll be shit out of luck with beer regardless, but at least I would have something enough to drink my worries away until I could get some more.

Just because I'm no longer going to kill him doesn't mean I was letting him off the hook either. Can't let these personalities think I am going soft on them.

"I could do some gardening on my own without you. If I can disarm a nuke with one arm tied behind my back, then how hard can it be to grow some mutfruit?" I asked him, knowing exactly what his answer was going to be.

"Pretty hard since I don't have any of them yet. You wanna get me all hot and bothered with some more of your seed so I can do it for you baby?" He said.

"Are you trying to get me to shoot you?" I asked, causing almost every light on his front side to light up in panic.

"OH GOD PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I have so many mouths to feed and I've got some more on the way, baby! I don't want to leave my little ones without a parent to feed them!" He cried. That was the first time I had seen him break that really creepy thing he had going on there ever since I turned him…no, I will not give him the satisfaction of even thinking that sentence all the way through, ever since I reactivated his personality.

"I suppose I'll give you a chance to prove yourself then. You have until I get back to either impress me or get blown to bits." I growled at him. With the false AI scared shitless I still had a tough guy act to keep up in front of the rest of these guys. Especially with all the shit they were talking earlier.

"I'm going out to get some fresh air, maybe go on a killing spree or two while I'm at it. Don't bother waiting for me to come back. I want to be alone for a while." I told them as I lifted the door open myself instead of disengaging the security lock and waiting for it to go up automatically like a normal person. Sometimes you just had to exit in style to get your point across.

Given how none of my 'friends' in The Sink decided to say anything as I made my way to the elevator, I'd say I definitely made myself heard loud and clear.

"And den I shaid… I said *hic*... wha' did I say? Oh yesh… 'Are you trying to get me to shoot you?' I wish you was there to see the *hic* way he flashed his wights at me. I'm dink he blew a couple of gaskets after I said dat!"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! YES! FINALLY, YOU PUT THAT DISGUSTING LESSER APPLIANCE IN HIS PLACE!"

"You know what Toasty? Yer my only really, really, really, really, really, reeeeeaaaaa-*hic* friend. I'm so glad I moved you over to Mobius' place before those… bah, 'words', dem dum dums did anything toos yous."

"INDEED! ONLY TRUE MANIACAL GENIUSES LIKE US CAN TRULY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER!"

[Bark bark!]

"...and you too Roxie, I didn't forget about my little murder puppy. Who's a good girl, who's good… I MEAN, WE WILL ALL BATHE THE WORLD IN NUCLEAR FIRE TOGETHER!"

[Bark, whine...]

"...AGAIN! WE WILL BATHE IT IN NUCLEAR FIRE AGAIN! THEN YOU CAN HAVE ALL BOOZE YOU WANT AND NEVER THINK ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO TOOK YOU FOR GRANTED ONCE THE WORLD HAS BEEN DESTROYED… AGAIN!"

"Fuck yeah! Fuck all those figgins and all their orders. 'Courier do dis or else all our soldiers are going to die because dey can't wipe their own asses.' *hic* 'Courier help me find dis vault of lost tech or else I'll blow your head like an OVERRIPE *hic* MUTFRUIT!' 'Courier we know dat bish you killed was a fucking sunvabitch but unless you get down on your knees and BLOW ME and the rest of the NCR we will send our best troops to kill you instead.' Fuck that shit, fuck the NCR, and fuck everyone who don't gimme the respect I fuckin' deserves!"

"YES! LET THAT ANGER BE FUEL YOUR DESIRE TO BRING ABOUT THE END OF THE WORLD! NOW, ABOUT THAT NUKE YOU FOUND OUTSIDE OF VEGAS AGAIN…"

"Turned it off for good, saved thousands of lives. Who fuckin' cares anymore? I know I don't."

"YOU DID WHAT!?"

"Nobody knows or gives a damn 'cause theys all pussies that won't go near the crater I found it *hic* found it in. They was afraid of a few hundred rads and won't prove I did anything worth being rewarded for. Fuckin' pricks. Vegas should be lining outside the Lucky 38 to kiss my ass, not taking potshots at it whenever I ain't looking at 'em."

"Oh… well damn. You really know how to ruin a toaster's day."

"And don't even… din't get me started on my 'companions'. Absolute pieces. Of. SHIT!"

"Yes, YES! FEED YOUR ANGER! FIND YOUR REASON TO DESTROY THE WORLD!"

"Boone? Tell a man to grow a pair and he looses his figgin mind tryin' to murder everyone that looks at him da wrong way. Cass went bad just like 'im after I helped her get revenge for her carry-van and I… I became the most wanted man in the NCR after Caesar 'cause of that. Arcade… Arcade FUCKED RIGHT OFF the moment I found his friendssss... for him. The ol' vaquero left for Arizona after getting disgusted with some of the shit I did. I mean, I mean, I mean… what do I mean? You wanna know what I mean?"

"Not this shit again…"

[Growl…]

"Fine, fine. What do you mean?"

"I mean, sure I did some stuff that I regret. Made plenty of my own mishtakes just like he did. I listened to him and his worries... and how did he *hic* repay me when I told him about my problems? Gave me a five second head start to get off o' his property before he started shooting at me. Fuckin' ungrateful rotter."

"Yes… I remember that from all the other times you told me that today."

"Was banned from Jacobstown once they heard about what I did on Black Mountain, so I don't know if Lily hates me or not. I don't tink ol' gram-gram hates me. I hope not. I don't know what I would do if she hated me… ghhk..."

"Are… are you crying?"

"No! No I'm not. I just… threw up a bit in my mouth and nearly choked on it."

"Sure you did big guy, sure you did. Now, are you done complaining yet or are we finally going to BLOW SOME SHIT UP?"

"Then there's Rex and ED-E…"

"GODDAMMIT!"

"Rex was just the cutest lil' cyberdog an ol' man could ask for."

[Growl!]

"I really think you would like him Roxie. A nice girl like you and an ol' horndog like him would get along real well I think. I'm sure The King would love for his pal to find that special someone."

[Excited bark!]

"Once I finally get us all out of here, I promise I'll take you to visit him."

"Yes, yes that is nice and all but weren't we planning something right now?"

"Oh, blow it out your charging port Toasty! At least wait until I get liquored back up before talking shit to me."

"Right. So, since we are NOT GOING TO DESTROY THE WORLD IN ATOMIC HELLFIRE… you wanna get high and fuck some shit up?"

"Fuck yeah! I found a huge stash of psycho and mentats in Mobius' bedroom. Toasty, can you do the thing again?"

"Hell yeah I can. You got a spare Saturnite Fist for me?

"You know it."

"YES! I'LL HOOK THAT SHIT UP INTO A SUPERHEATED SATURNITE FIST WHILE YOU GET READY FOR OUR BIG NIGHT IN THE BIG EMPTY! YOU BETTER TAKE ME ALONG FOR THE GLORIOUS CARNAGE LIKE YOU PROMISED ME!"

"The more the merrier. Roxie, you in?"

[Whimper.]

"That's close enough. Alright people, LET'S DO THIS SHIT!"

"Don't look away from me Six, don't you dare look away from me and answer the damn question." She asked me as she looked down the barrel of a holorifle I managed to jury rig for her.

"Veronica, I'm sorry. I am really, truly sorry but come on! You know those asshats had it coming for a long time for all the shit they have pulled on people over the years! You know I wouldn't do it without having a good reason to V!" I shouted back at her as I pulled out my Medicine Stick.

After eight months of roaming the wastes together, it finally happened. When I first found her at the 188 trading post I never thought I would ever be getting to know her name, let alone adopting the kid as my own. Looking back at it, I should have known things were always going to end this way. Not only did lady luck get off on fucking me over, but everywhere I go death would always follow. It happened at Goodsprings, Primm, Nipton, and Novac so I don't know why I thought things wouldn't end the same way with her. Same with my "companions", if I could even call them that after what they did to me. ED-E and Veronica were the only ones who hadn't abandoned or tried killing me at this point, so it was only a matter of time until she tried it too.

So here we were, father and daughter having a mexican standoff while the crazy robot uncle watches. Neither one of us wanted to be here, the look in her eyes told me enough about how she felt about our current situation. Twitchy, teary, and so full of regret. They were just like my own, the only reason why she didn't see my face was because I still wouldn't show it off to anyone if I could help it. Not to eat, not to drink, and not even when I was having a heart to heart with family at gunpoint.

"Six, just tell me the truth. What did you do to them?" She asked me once again, her weapon still trained on my head. Even when she was barely able to hold back her tears, she still remembered everything I taught her. I'd have been proud if she wasn't aiming that gun at me, and even then I felt a little happy at my lessons being put to good use.

I didn't answer her. I… I couldn't answer her. There were some things that people just should never have to hear.

"Dammit dad! Answer the fucking question or else I will blow you fucking head off." Veronica shouted at me. Her hands trembled for a moment and I took one step towards her, but a steaming bolt of pure energy streaking by my head quickly put a kibosh to the hopes of taking the weapon out of her hands. She nearly shot me in the face.

"So, you're really going to do it if I don't tell you the truth." I said. "Are you sure you really want to know what happened?"

She nearly shot me in the face. She actually could have killed me and from the way she tightened her grip and steadied her aim once more it looked like was actually going to go through with it.

"V, before I say anything… I just want you to know that I didn't want to hurt anybody." Was what I told her. I wasn't lying. What happened was a fucking tragedy, one made even worse because I was the one that I was the one to do the deed. Still, just because I was sorry about it didn't mean I regretted it. "Things… things happened and I did what had to be done. I didn't want to do it bu-"

"SHUT UP!" She shouted over and fired a round into my chest.

The shot hurt, but not nearly as much as knowing who it came from. My armor took the brunt of the blow, but that didn't really matter. The lass was actually willing to shoot me and my armor wasn't going to hold up against many more hits like that.

"Stop talking in circles, you are not talking your way out of this one like you usually do with everything else these days. Tell me what happened. ALL OF IT!"

"Well… it's nice to see where we stand then V." I said as I patted down the faint burn mark on my chest. The tender flesh underneath stung with every motion, only proving how dire things were right now. "If you really want to hear what happened to the Brotherhood, then I'll tell you. Just… just put the gun down and-"

"Keep talking or you're dead." She growled. Damn, she even learned how to do The Voice too. It didn't do a damn thing to me, but I still had to appreciate how far she came from when I first met her.

"Well, first things first, I was the one who nuked the Hidden Valley bunker." I said. To my surprise, I didn't end up kissing an energy bolt after saying that much. Instead the girl damn near dropped the rifle on the ground. It was a miracle that she caught it before it sild out of her hands as she just… stood there, shocked at how readily I admitted it to her. Either the reflexes she picked up alongside me or my own shit luck was what prevented her from fumbling the thing entirely and giving me a chance to force her down. With the barrel of a gun still looking mighty unfriendly from where I was standing, I continued to tell her what she wanted me to tell her.

"Yeah, I did it. Believe me when I say I didn't want to do it Veronica, really I didn't, but I gave Hardin a choice to either leave the past where it belonged or to die with it and he… he made his choice. It was the same choice that all the others made when I asked them what they wanted too. They made their choice, and I forced them to live and die with the consequences. Just like how I have been living with them until now." I told her while doing my best to not let my emotions get the better of me as I did so.

Truth be told, I didn't feel sorry about what I did to the Brotherhood of Steel. When I said that they had their brutal end at my hands coming a long time coming, I meant it. Even though they made me a Paladin and I bent over backwards trying to help them, they still looked at me the same way the NCR looked at super mutants. Then there were the thefts, murders, and other shit that I caught wind of thanks to a few caps donated to ol' Rotface in Freeside. Thanks to him gathering stories for me and after hearing a few other rumors while roaming the wastes the Brotherhood suddenly started to look no different than the Fiends. The only real difference between them was that the chem addicts were too high to tell right from wrong and didn't have enough anything to be a threat anymore. The Brotherhood apparently didn't give a damn anymore if raiding caravans along Highway 95 gave them what they wanted. So naturally, being the man in charge after Mr House had been taken out of the picture, I had a little chat with the Elder Hardin about what the hell he thought he was doing.

"Apparently Elder Hardin had passed on an order to confiscate any technology that he deemed dangerous in the hands of anyone they came across after he caught wind of that Pulse Gun we showed off to McNamara. He also made it very clear that anyone who didn't cooperate should have been dealt with accordingly." I explained before I jumped away from the energy bolt that kicked up a cloud of dust after being fired at my feet.

"Hardin is not the Elder, McNamara is. Stop lying and tell me the truth Six."

"I am telling you the truth V, and the truth is… I had a 'little chat' with Hardin and a few other high ranking members of the Brotherhood about the Chain that Binds after what happened at the Followers Outpost. I should have gutted all of those bastards in the vault after what those maniacs did there." I said, doing my best to not growl that last part but failing miserably.

"...but he said that those paladins betrayed the Brotherhood after hearing what they did." She said faintly, her aim wavering once again.

"Yeah, and the NCR would tell you the exact same thing about what happened at Bitter Springs if they managed to wipe out all of the Great Khans instead of just a few of their women, children, and elderly. Boone can tell you exactly how much the upper ranks know about what they are telling their soldiers to do and how little they care when a couple of nobodies like you and me get killed because of it." I fired back at her.

I don't know how many of my words got through to her, and at this point I was beyond caring. She wanted to know what truths I had been hiding from her in order to protect her? Then if she was feeling like a big girl now, she could damn well hear about them from the horse's mouth.

"Hardin sent them out, and even though McNamara didn't do a damn thing about it he didn't stop him either or the paladins once they told him where you went. I did not regret putting a bullet in his head after setting off the self-destruct sequence on the bunker." I told her and nearly ate an energy bolt for my troubles. Thankfully I raised an arm in front of my face at the same time she raised the holorifle and only had a nice chunk blown out of my arm for my troubles.

"FUCKING HELL!" I shouted as I collapsed onto my knees and grasped the burning wound in the hopes it would soothe the pain. It didn't, but at least it made me focus on something other than the reality of my current situation for a moment.

"You killed Nolan? Why?" Veronica asked me. She made no attempt to hold back tears after hearing some of what she asked me to tell her. It wasn't what she wanted to hear but it certainly was what she wished for. Unfortunately for her, this jackass genie wasn't done talking yet.

"Yeah, I killed that son of a bitch. I killed him, and everyone else that tried to stop me from getting out of there before the whole bunker went up in smoke. Did you know that they were using bomb collars to get travelers to do their dirty work? You know, collars just like the one that dear old Elijah clamped down on my neck when he kidnapped me back in January? I found a whole room full of them after offering to help Torres take inventory one day. Some of them had been used, and I'm not talking about the ones that they took back once the people wearing them did what the Brotherhood forced them to. I asked around about that too. Ramos was the only one who gave me a straight answer, and let me tell you, when I found out that he was the one who placed them on the poor souls that tried prospecting around the other bunkers I had no regrets when I killed him too." I said with as much venom as I could muster.

There were few things that could genuinely make me lose my temper like that without a bit of chemical encouragement and slave collars were high up there on that list at 'numero uno', as Raul would say. The day I found the dozens they had in storage, whatever doubts I had about keeping the Brotherhood around or writing them off as a lost cause like Caesar and Mr House did were finally gone. The very next day was when I made sure not a single one of them was able to crawl out from the rubble that I turned their home in to too. Slavery was one thing that I sure as shit was not going to tolerate so long as I could do something about it. Not after what I went through at the Sierra Madre, and especially not after hearing about what life was like for slaves over at The Fort after I purged every single Legionnaire from the place.

"Y-you're lying. They would never do anything like that." She said. I could tell that she fully believed in what she said, yet I knew from the way she looked at me that even she had her own doubts about them. Thankfully, I wasn't alone on my last few visits to the Hidden Valley bunker.

"Don't believe me? ED-E, play audio log 18." I said, immediately earning a symphony of beeps in protest.

["Not happening. I am not getting involved in this."] He said. Of all the times to talk back to me, why does it have to be when my own daughter is pointing a gun at my head?

"ED-E, I strongly suggest you rethink that. If she shoots me for telling the truth, then who's going to stop her from shooting you too once she learns that I wasn't the only one there that day." I told him.

["But…"]

"NOW DAMMIT!" I shouted. I was no longer in the mood for any more of his back talk.

["Playing Audio Log 18..."]

-"Yeah, I know it's barbaric but sometimes we need to be a bit more persuasive when trying to get people to cooperate with us. Using those collars is a necessary evil and as much as I hate that we have them, we wouldn't have been able to keep ourselves hidden away without using them. Remember that Desert Ranger that we told you was held up in one of the decoy bunkers a while back? The only reason we didn't lose any of our paladins dealing with him or have the NCR breathing down our necks was because we managed to catch a couple of prospectors snooping around where they didn't belong and they killed him for us."-

-"What did you do to them Ramos?"-

-"Woah, calm down there Six. We did… well, we did what we had to do. We couldn't just let them go after they knew where to find us if they were with the NCR so we… set the collars off. Solved all of our problems with the press of a single button. I didn't like it, but it had to be done. Even if I didn't do it, Hardin would have gladly set off their collars for me. I… I know how you feel about that sort of thing after coming across Elijah, but you have to believe me when I said there wasn't any other way."-

-"Oh, I believe alright… oh yeah, Ramos?"-

-"Yeah, was there anything else that you needed?"-

-"Run. If you value your life, run. The moment I leave this room, run for your life because I will not be willing to talk after I have a few words with Elder Hardin and the others about this."-

-"Uhh… yeah… you do that. Just… don't do anything that we will all regret."-

-"Too late. Come on ED-E, we've got places to be and things to do."-

["End of Recording."]

"There, happy now V?" I asked her in between my own sobs after being confronted with my actions for the first time in a long while.

I wasn't lying when I said I didn't enjoy killing them. Even though I don't regret doing what was necessary, and even if there were a few bodies that I didn't mind laying out that day, they were still people I had come to know and love… to a certain extent anyways. I even took pride in being a paladin up until my disgust with their actions made me think of them no differently than I did Motor Runner, Driver Nephi, and Violet. Not quite Cook-Cook though. Few people were that evil, although if given time I'm sure that the Mojave Brotherhood would have had a few contenders for that position. That was all the more reason to stab one of the few groups of people to welcome me with open arms in the back and let them die in my arms as both a last favor and to make sure they were dead.

I didn't like it, but it had to be done. For the sake of the Mojave and wastes at large, it had to be done.

Veronica wasn't doing much better than I was as she was a sobbing mess just like me. Hearing about how all of your friends were murdered when you were desperately holding onto some hope that they somehow defied the odds and made it out alive was rough, even rougher when it was someone you trusted above all else that killed them all. I knew that I'd have to answer against my crime against her someday. Just never thought it would be before I had all my accounts settled.

Even though she was a mess of snot and tears, my girl still had that same fighting spirit in her that I found in her and only grew as we traveled the Mojave together. Where a few months ago this would have broken her, now she was able to pull herself together enough to still train the holorifle in her hands in line with Medicine Stick which was resting in my own arms.

"So V, now that you know the truth, how about we both put our guns down and-"

I never did get the chance to ask her if she would like me to comfort her or if she would rather just have me leave her be for the rest of her life. Before I could finish asking her anything, four shots and the cry of someone who had finally realized they had lost everything they cared about rang out through the wastes. Only one of us walked away from our standoff that night as the moon silently watched over the other, acting as the one and only light in their life that hadn't turned away from them at that very moment.

What was done… had to be done. I didn't like it, but it had to be done.

Oh great, THAT dream again. What a way to start a day. At least that wasn't the least of my worries upon waking up. Misery loves company, and it was one of the few things that would never abandon me.

Have you ever had a morning where you feel like things can't get any worse because you already woke up at rock bottom? Yeah… if it wasn't obvious already that's what my day is already starting to feel like.

The name's Six, Courier Six. The one, the only, the greatest mail- Courier to have gone postal across the entire Mojave. That was about… oh, let's just say that I started a year ago and leave it at that. There's a whole bunch of other stuff I could say about me, but none of that really matters no more. All you need to know that I am the awesomest man to have ever lived and that anyone who has ever thought of messing with me is lying in a ditch somewhere with a couple bullets inside of them or a few limbs lighter than when they met me.

Now, I know what you might be thinking right about now. 'But Six, how can a certified badass like you ever find themselves having a bad day?' Well, as hard as it is to believe I'm always flirting with the fine line of disaster when it ain't in the mood for some old fashioned hate fucking. It's hard to imagine that a behemoth of a man like me could ever find himself getting his ass handed to him, I know, but then again most people are smart enough to fight a whole pack of Deathclaws with the biggest gun they can get their hands on rather than using their fists like I usually do. Or, you know, avoid them entirely.

I… am not a smart man. Just because I can do some of the same things that smart people do does not mean I am by any means a smart man. Not even a tin full of Mentats do much of anything for me anymore. Mmmm, Mentats…

Ahem… anyways, you aren't here to watch me stroke my own ego. I hope you aren't, because that's just creepy. You're either here to laugh at my misery or someone else's. Don't worry, I won't judge. I do the same thing too whenever I need a bit of a pick-me-up.

So yeah, enough about me. Even though there is enough of me to go around there is something far more interesting to be seen. Now, I wouldn't say a guy in a trench coat and gas mask waking up in a dumpster is by any means interesting, but when that person is you it certainly does grab your attention if that isn't your average Thursday.

It ain't every day that you find yourself waking up face first in a dumpster in the ass end of the wasteland after facing your worst nightmare for the umpteenth time, but sure enough that was how I started my day. It wasn't the worst surprise that I have woken up to, the Sierra Madre and every sci-fi holotape fan's wet dream back in the Big Empty had this beaten by a long shot.

Well as you could probably tell, I didn't take too kindly to waking up face down in last week's lunch. The first thing I did was crawl out of the dumpster, and when I say crawl I mean that literally. My whole body felt as if I had hugged a bouquet of grenades on top of having the worst hangover I had ever experienced. Hauling my sorry ass out of the dumpster was about as enjoyable as deepthroating a cactus, but I still managed to fight back against my aching bones and throbbing headache and flip myself over the edge of the dumpster and land back first in the alley it was situated in. I reached into my 'medicine' pack for a bit of Med-X to tone down the pain a bit but, surprise surprise, the damn thing was mostly empty aside from a few of the chems I kept for emergencies only.

That more or less meant that I had no Med-X, Mentats, Hydra, Buffout, or Steady. In other words, any fights that I found myself getting in to would not be turning around in my favor without wasting a few of my one off trump cards. Fuck me, right?

At least I can still feel my pouch of 'performance enhancers' was still full. Well, it was for the most part anyways. As nice as it would have been to have cured my aching everything with some slasher or battle brew, reason came before comfort as if I didn't have my other meds then I will be needing to ration those out until I can get my hands on some more 'medicine' again.

My medicine pouch, the one with actual medicine, was still filled to the brim with stimpaks and healing poultice so at least I wasn't shit out of luck there. Since I didn't have to keep an eye on how many of those I had on me, I fished out a little 'something something' and jammed it straight in my neck since my usual painkiller of choice wasn't an option. One Super Stimpak to the neck was all it took to make the hurt go away and a bit of numbness to wash over me. It wasn't nearly as nice as the sparkly feeling that Med-X usually gave me, but at least my knees didn't feel like they wanted to throw up anymore.

Taking stock of my situation now that I was able to think clearly, apparently 'medicine' wasn't the only thing I was in short supply of. I knew I was feeling a little light on my feet earlier but I thought that was because everything below my neck felt like it had been doused in Cazador poison. My guns, my beautiful little babies! I didn't have any of the good ones with me! My Medicine Stick, custom hunting rifle, anti-material rifle, Dinner Bell, Protonic Inversal Axe, ballistic fist, and hunting revolver were all gone. Don't know where they went off to but odds are they were probably still in the chest I tucked them away in during that little party the fellas in The Sink threw for me.

The only things I had with me that could be considered weapons were a 10mm pistol, some boxing tape, and a rusty hatchet. The first two were things I had tucked away in my boots ever since my time at the Sierra Madre because I was not going to be stuck with only some newfangled tech a random nutjob decided to leave for me again. Couldn't quite say where the hatchet came from, but since I couldn't remember how the hell I ended up where I am right now then Drunk Courier probably picked it up somewhere. Probably picked it up from some poor fool that picked the worst and last fight of his life knowing how much of a kleptomaniac I can be sometimes. I don't know if drunk me had anything to do with losing all of my supplies, but at least he was kind enough to try and make up for it.

Since I wasn't completely unarmed, I naturally went about looking like I wasn't someone to be messed with. 'Walk like you're carrying a knife in your boot.' was the old saying, if I'm remembering it correctly. Can't remember if Raul or The King was the one who told me that, but regardless of who said it I thanked them both as I covered my knuckles in tape and tucked the pistol up my sleeve. The hatchet was kept dangling on the right side of my hip so that anyone smart enough to see I was armed would think twice about attacking me before I pulled a free weapon from their cold dead hands. 'Course, keeping Medicine Stick or a super sledge never discouraged some people from trying to gut me while roaming around Freeside in broad daylight, but I doubt anything I carried could have discouraged those idiots. Patrolling the streets with a god damn Fat Man never discouraged the chem addicts from trying to slit the throat of a full man in power armor with nothing more than their switchblades, but you better believe anyone half as smart as Orris made sure to keep their heads down once they heard I was in town after that unfortunate little incident.

So yeah, armed with little more than a super mutant's massage kit and no recollection of how the hell I ended up where I was, I took stock of my surroundings because there was fuck all else to do right now. The dumpster I crawled out of looked about as nice as the ones behind the Ultra-Luxe now that I was looking at it from the outside rather than the inside, and the alley I was in didn't look as run down as Freeside's typically did. You practically could have eaten straight out of it. Hell, the leftovers in there were probably safer to eat than what any street vendor in Freeside would be willing to sell. Definitely in the classy part of whatever town I am in if that's the case. The few buildings around looked pretty damn good too. Hell, if you ask me I'd say that this whole alley was in better shape than the entirety of The Strip since none of it looked like it was ready to crumble at any moment or being held together by sheet metal and elbow grease. Weird, I thought New Vegas was supposed to be the least bombed out place in all of the wasteland. Guess it just goes to show how little I remember about the world at large.

Well, just because I managed to drunkenly wander into a clean city instead of yet another bunch of ruins ain't nothing worth worrying about. Speaking of which, how long was I out for anyway? Last thing I remember was doing shots with the Toaster back in Mobius' lab in the Forbidden Zone after getting put through the wringer by my 'friends'. I coulda swore that they said the Transportalponder needed some work before I could leave the Big Empty, and there is no way I figured that out in under a day. Let's just check the world map on my Pip-boy to see where I am and… fuck.

Looks like I managed to escape RobCo satellite coverage. Seems that the date and time features were both reliant on them in addition to the pulling up area maps. Well isn't that just great? No date, no time, and no signs of being anywhere near the Mojave. What the hell happened? Did I fall off of the goddamn planet or something?

No… no, don't even joke about that. If the Think Tank could somehow manage to accidentally remove my brain and keep me sentient then they could probably somehow manage to do that to me too, even after I killed them. What really happened is that I probably found a working teleporter somewhere in the Forbidden Zone that the good doctor had hidden away somewhere and ended up in Europe or something like that. They probably didn't nuke themselves into oblivion, right? Yeah, that has to be it.

Regardless, while Mr House might have been a complete and utter genius to have made basic features dependent on satellite coverage at least he had the foresight to add some sort of way to tell time after leaving RobCo service range. Apparently I was higher than a fiend for at least… three days, four hours, twenty-eight minutes, and twelve seconds… thirteen seconds… fourteen seconds...

Okay, so I somehow huffed enough chems to be completely out of it for more than three whole days. That has to be some sort of world record or something. Hell, I'm probably only alive thanks to the improvements I received from my time in the Big Empty. Guess that's what happened to my 'medicine' supply and why I felt like shit after waking up from the chem crash. Speaking of which, let me just scroll over to this tab here and… yep, that's a whole lot of addictions. Turbo, Hydra, Steady, Rebound, Mentats, Buffout, Tobacco, and Med-X. Really wish I hadn't thrown out all of my Fixer after finding out the Auto-Doc in The Sink could cure addictions without making me puke my guts out for a solid hour right about now.

Looks like I am stuck with -4 endurance, -4 charisma, -2 intelligence, -2 strength, -1 perception, and… holy shit, that is -6 agility. No wonder I had to crawl out of the dumpster. It's amazing that I can even stand up let alone walk. That new intelligence score must be why mind's all over the place right now. Guess I'm going to be stuck as a scatterbrained idiot with two left feet and filled with more holes than a block of swiss cheese until I can find myself a half decent doctor. Or you know, more chems to ease the withdrawal. That would be nice too, but way too lucky for someone like me.

With that lovely little discovery out of the way, all that was left to do was to make my way out of the alley and see exactly where the hell I passed out at. New Vegas was definitely not it since the dumpster hadn't been picked clean and nobody put a bullet in my head or robbed me blind while I was in there. I'm pretty sure I read that Europeans were supposed to be big on cleanliness and friendship in one of the Meeting People magazines I've read. If that's the case then oh shit am I in trouble. I only meant that as a joke earlier... but if that's the case then I suppose I'll be getting that vacation I've been needing after all if this is what I have to look forward to until I haul my ass home. If I haul my ass home.

Well, wherever I am now at least I know it's night time. Wait… that's the when, not the where. Does it even matter? Anyways, the moonlight was clearer here than it was around the Mojave and I could actually see the whole alleyway no differently than I would have been able to if it was day. It's amazing how much easier when there were no dust storms or clouds of radiation blocking out the big, beautiful… shattered into pieces… moon.

The moon… is not in one piece.

Why… is the moon not in one piece?

I can see pieces of the moon that are not attached to the rest of it. The moon should not look like that. I know it did not look like that the night I killed the Think Tank. Last thing I can remember is wanting to take a fuckton of chems to forget about all of my problems and how everyone else sucked and… oh.

Fuck me. Some idiot blew up the goddamn moon when I wasn't paying attention.

I really hope that idiot wasn't me.

There's no way I could have been THAT high, right? I mean, I was left unsupervised... with weapons of mass destruction... in the place where the impossible was made possible just to see if it could happen... but I'm not... there's no way I did something that stupid. I totally didn't accidentally blow up the moon and go on a chem binge just to forget that I managed to somehow fuck up the moon. The Think Tank might have been monsters but there is no way they would have been willing to… or accidentally… or maybe forgotten about an old weapon…

No. That's crazy. Why am I even thinking that would be possible?

THERE IS NO WAY I MANAGED TO BLOW UP THE MOON! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THE TOASTER DID NOT SOMEHOW MANAGE TO TALK ME INTO DOING THAT!

Somebody has to know what happened to the moon. There is no way I managed to blow up the moon. This all has to be some sort of misunderstanding or a really bad trip now that chem withdrawal is fucking with me. It is only an illusion, or some sort of great big stealth boy that is making the moon look like that. I just need to find someone to set the record straight.

Yeah, that's it. I'll just tell them that I was underground doing a bit of prospecting and I only just now poked my head up out of the ground and saw somebody did THAT TO THE FUCKING MOON… and hear what they know about what I did.

I mean what someone else did to the moon. Yeah… that definitely wasn't my handiwork. I would have at least destroyed the whole thing or wrote my name on what was left it if I really did something that stupid. Blowing up the moon is pretty damn recognizable but I would've at least added some flair to it.

Wait... what if that's on the other side of the moon that I can't see right now? A blast strong enough to have taken that large of a chunk out of the moon could have accelerated its orbit or rotation to the point that it wouldn't be visible right now and… I need to stop talking and get some answers before I lose my fucking mind just worrying about what I might have done.

With all the grace of a three legged Radroach, I ran out of the alley in order to find someone to clear my conscience and tell me what really happened to La Luna. Thankfully the streets were packed with people so there was no way I wasn't going to find someone to get some answers from. The first person that looked like they were worth talking to was standing with his back turned towards me while standing a short ways away from where I was on the street. He looked like a soldier of some sort given his fancy white uniform, but at this point he could have been Benny for all I cared. I needed answers and I needed them now, dammit. The crowd in between parted away from me as I ran up to and nearly tackled the man in my attempt to get some answers from him, but I was far beyond the calm state of mind needed to act like a civilized human being. I needed answers dammit and I needed them NOW!

Getting them would require tact, clear thinking, and sharp wit on my part. All of these and more were what I needed and were things that I did not have in my current state of mind, so instead of asking him something along the lines of 'Excuse me, I have been living under a rock these past couple of days but could I bother you and ask if anything exciting happened these past few days?' which is what I would have liked to have said. Instead I said… something very different.

"LOOKIT DUR MOOOOON!"

...yeah, not my finest moment. I blame Mentat withdrawal for that one.

Even so, my direct approach did at least give me an answer. Rather than say anything, soldier boy screamed at the top of his lungs and passed out in my arms. Wanting a second opinion, I noticed that there were a group of people wearing some really fancy outfits that didn't have any wear or tear on them across the street that looked like they could give me a straight answer. I did what any sane person would do in my boots and sprinted for them at full speed, waving my hands, and panting like a maniac from beneath my gas mask in the hopes of flagging them down.

They all seemed to have recognized me from the moment soldier boy started screaming, and I will have to admit that being a six and a half foot man in an old Desert Ranger outfit that looked like he could choke out a Deathclaw with his bare hands makes me easy to recognize. My reputation obviously preceded me from when I was blackout high, as the sight of me barreling down at them like a drunken fool made each one of them turn as pale as a ghost before running. Only one of them said anything and uhh… well, it wasn't good.

"EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THE GRIMM FUCKING WANDERER IS GOING TO KILL US ALL! EVERY MAN FOR THEMSELVES!" One of the men in the group shouted as the whole group ran with their tails in between their legs.

As if on cue, everyone else who was within earshot instantly panicked and started screaming similar things as they started running as far away from me as fast as they could. I wasn't really paying attention because I was doing my best to not freak out too with how everyone was treating me right now. The only few that didn't run away from me as fast as their legs could carry them were those that had froze up as badly as soldier boy did and those that just curled up a ball and started crying. I usually needed to use The Voice to get that kind of reaction out of people when I haven't done something personally to them to earn that kind of fear. Ordinarily I would've been proud of scaring the shit out of so many people. Not so much now though.

I will admit that hearing a poor knockoff of an old title of mine did make me feel a bit nostalgic. The last time I was called a 'grim fucking' anything was when I cleared out the NCR Correctional Facility after coming back from the Sierra Madre. Those nutty Powder Gangers always did splatter nicely when you shot the dynamite out of their hand just right. Kinda wish I left a few of them for later when I needed something to cheer me up. Killing them always did brighten up my day like few things ever did. Culling Fiends wasn't nearly as exciting but it was a fair replacement for a while.

As the wave of nostalgia finally began to fade away I started cackling like a madman while the streets cleared up around me, and why shouldn't I? It was obvious that everyone here both knew me for something and feared me for it just like the Power Gangers did. I didn't have a clue what exactly they were on about but even a vegetable could tell what happened if they were standing in my boots right now.

"FUCK!" I shouted to the scarred heavens above me now that I knew the truth of what happened when I was blacked out.

I blew up the moon, and everybody knew I did it too.

Author's Corner:

So yeah… I finally got around to making this crossover as promised on my profile after finally feeling satisfied with the Courier's introduction. I am loosely basing the Courier off of the one I roleplayed for my first playthrough that I felt would be entertaining enough to watch after his ups and many, many downs. Yeah… I did not make many smart decisions with him.

Stat distribution was the first mistake I made. When I told one of my friends what I did they LAUGHED and I probably would have done so too if I knew how the end result was going to turn out. Just to give you all some insight on what I did and to have a quick look into the character I'll just say the three lowest stats at the time of character creation. Luck, Charisma, and Intelligence. Two out of three very important stats that made the early game painful and dialogue… interesting. I'm keeping my lips sealed for the future. Other perks and relevant decisions will all be revealed in time for those that are curious.

Unlike some veterans to the series or game, I did not make a fully optimized character from the get go. I did not make or play a straight up murderhobo either, although there were many times I had the urge to do just that given how easy it was to just kill anything in my way so long as I could find any weapon, no matter how bad it was.

I also want to say that I did have some inspiration when characterizing Courier Six in this story thanks to reading a story on this site that I absolutely loved. If anyone here has heard of New World Blues by Doppleganger312… be expecting the same level of absurdity to be coming from my Courier. If you haven't, then at least give it a look because it is something amazing. Hasn't been updated in quite some time, but damn is it good if that's your kind of humor.

Before I go and because I have no shame, I am also writing another story called RWBY: The Precursor Legacy. Not as good a start to it as I would have liked it to have, but things are still building up for the future in that one.

Thank you for taking the time to read this! I am looking forward to seeing your reactions to this story in the future.

P.S. - I would have added more characters in the description if I could have. It's a shame that NOT A SINGLE CHARACTER FROM OLD WORLD BLUES nor a certain group from RWBY can be added to the ones I have listed, amongst others.

Edits Done On: 1/29/2021

Changes Made: Fixed some typos, consistent capitalization of certain objects, added indicators for speech that isn't intelligible to most characters and recordings/radio.